A review of all things Pro Wrestling. WWE Raw, Smackdown, NXT, TNA Impact, PWG, WCW, ECW, CZW, IWP, NWA, ROH and much more.
Features, reviews. Greatest matches and promos, worst matches and characters. Predictions and opinions.
Can you smell what the Sock is cooking?
A bit late I know, but Socko said this PPV was actually worth watching. We'll see.
LET'S DO THIS
01:38 - Ink Inc v Beer Money? Surely an iMPACT match if ever I saw one... 05:43 - Shannon Moore battering both of Beer Money. Sigh. 06:07 - I'm actually hoping for a beer-bottle related screwjob 07:19 - When you're watching every week you get desensitised to the commentary...Mike Tennay really is awful. 10:28 - What happened to TNA fans? They used to be cool...now there's fucking retards with their fucking pink Jeff Hardy sleevegloves in the front row :( 13:40 - That was an Ok match...not exactly a classic though. 15:00 - Hardy v Morgan is the main event? FFS TNA 19:14 - Knockouts match...or rather, Diva Rejects match...I wish it was possible to double fast forward 30:20 - I actually thought that Robbie E guy was from that Jersey Shore show...what the fuck is he doing with the X-Division title? FFS TNA 35:28 - FUCK YEAH SHARK BOY 36:18 - I want to see Shark Boy v Joe. For the title. 40:40 - Robbie is fucking boring 41:16 - OH WOW ANOTHER SLEEPER HOLD THIS IS AWESOME 43:21 - Based on what I've seen so far, if you think this is a good PPV, you've become desensitised to shite from watching too much TNA 45:05 - Not even Jay Lethal could save that match...crap match, crap ending. Jay deserves much better. 46:37 - FUCK YEAH SHARK BOY AGAIN 47:31 - That stunner was the best thing so far 47:50 - Rhyno v RVD? They had some pretty decent matches in ECW...this has potential. Although, having said that, wasting potential is TNA's specialty. 57:21 - Fucking idiots chanting you sold out...it's fake you fucking retards...take your sleevegloves and fuck off 1:00:00 - I thought the first match was pretty 'meh' when I watched it...but compared to the last two, it was awesome...this is really boring. It's literally as interesting as grinding in an MMO. 01:04:58 - Ok, that Van Terminator was pretty sweet...shame about the rest of the match tbh 01:06:20 - Kaz wearing shades indoors...sigh 01:07:25 - Kaz, a word in your ear...stealing lines from The Rock only highlights the massive gulf in mic ability between you and him. Just saying. 01:09:16 - AJ v Doug - looking forward to this one. 01:16:49 - That moonsault looked pretty nasty... 01:23:47 - Holy shit, Chaos Theory on the outside of the ring...AJ is dead 01:24:59 - Douggie beats AJ with the Styles Clash...fucking awesome :) The match started pretty well, was ok in the middle, and the end was great. 01:25:57 - I guess that means AJ is getting another TNA title run 01:26:54 - Christy Hemme looks a lot older than I remember her. 01:28:36 - Guns v Bucks :) 01:45:40 - That was pretty awesome, actually... 01:47:32 - This is, apparently, where the PPV turns shit 01:52:10 - Pope v Abyss. Casket match. This is going to be terrible. 01:57:13 - This is actually a lot better than I expected so far 02:04:42 - That was an ok match...I was expecting a bullshit ending but it was actually a clean one 02:05:59 - Joe v Jarrett in a submissions match...I hope it's as short and decisive as it sounds on paper 02:09:17 - I hope Jarrett's not gonna throw any kicks - he's calling himself an MMA specialist, but he doesn't have bare feet... 02:09:36 - FUCK YEAH SAMOA JOE 02:10:40 - Jarrett's MMA gimmick is fucking retarded. He claims to be an MMA specialist, but his hands are right down by his waist - which is a great way to get knocked the fuck out in record time. He's also got his feet taped, which is from Muay Thai - you can't kick in MMA without bare feet. This is almost as fucking stupid as when AJ fought Frank Trigg... 02:12:51 - "That's a Juji Gatami right there"...IT'S CALLED AN ARMBAR IN MMA, THEY'RE NOT DOING FUCKING JUDO 02:13:21 - Taz pretending to know what he's talking about is pissing me off 02:16:39 - This is a pretty decent match, but it's being completely ruined by the commentary 02:17:34 - This commentary is so bad, it might as well be Don West and Michael Cole 02:19:47 - What fucking submission? He didn't tap, he didn't say 'I quit' or anything...what the fuck is this shit? 02:20:15 - Pretty decent match, minus the commentary...but what the fuck was that ending? It wasn't even an ending, it's like finishing a regular match with no pin...just, what the fuck? 02:30:04 - Hardy v Morgan. Main Event. What the fuck. 02:31:20 - Fucking sleevegloves 02:32:53 - Another thrilling headlock 02:42:49 - Yeah, that was pretty boring
TNA have important PPVs, and not-so important PPVs. Final Resolution, for TNA, is not an important show. This is not to say that it wasn’t an awesome show... well for the first two hours anyway.
Ink Inc. versus Beer Money
This match was for the number one contendership for the tag-titles. Beer Money are one of my favourite tag teams, if you asked me about a year ago, I probably would have said that they’re no AMW. It’s safe to say that Beer Money have surpassed AMW in terms of both quality and consistency. This was a great opener, Beer Money have obviously learnt a lot from Ric Flair in how to bring out the best in the other competitors and make them look good in the ring. This is easily the best match that Ink Inc have ever been in and they did some really cool spots. Beer Money got the DWI on Jesse for the pin. The booking was very simple, Beer Money got heat, Ink Inc made a comeback, Beer Money got a clean wi. There was no run-ins, no Bischoff, no bullshit, and it was a really solid opener.
Match rating: ***½
Tara versus Mickie James – falls count anywhere.
Before this match started something confused me. Instead of interviewing Tara or Mickie about the match that they were about to compete in, they decided to interview someone who wasn’t even in the match, Madison Rayne. This struck me as a bit dumb, but hey, it’s TNA and TNA doesn’t seem to meld well with logic at times. The match was falls count anywhere, so the basically beat the crap out of each other around the building. For a women’s match, and for a falls count anywhere match, this wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. I actually quite liked some of the bits in this match and thought that it didn’t go on for too long. There wasn’t much of a story to the match, and it really reminded me of the Kevin Sullivan/Chris Benoit feud from January/February 1997 where they would brawl around the building and end up with on of them getting pinned on the toilet floor. See if this structure sounds familiar: brawl in-ring, brawl ring-side, brawl in crowd, brawl backstage, brawl in toilets. The match ended with Tara getting the pin on James on the men’s (yes, the men’s) toilet floor after Rayne burst out of a cubicle and sprayed James with a fire extinguisher. I’m so glad Rayne happened to pick the same toilet that Tare and Mickie were going to brawl into. The match was a bit more entertaining than I’ve described, and seeing the people run scared out of the toilets was pretty funny. Match rating: ***
Robbie E versus Jay Lethal – X Division title Coming into this match, the stipulation seemed completely fucking dumb to me. It was a standard match, with Cookie being put in a shark cage and hoisted up over the ring. Don’t ask me why, it was fucking stupid. As the match started, Cookie refused to get into the cage and then as Lethal and Robbie started to wrestle, she headed towards the back, thus rendering the stipulation even more stupider (shut up, I know stupider’s not a real word)... but... who should come out but Sharkboy! I’m not kidding you, this guy’s not been on TV for about 2 years, and suddenly he turns up to put Cookie in the cage. As I’m writing this, my bullshit detector is going haywire, but I marked out when Sharkboy came out, so fuck you. On the whole, this was a pretty decent match with a bullshit ending. Even though Cookie was suspended in the cage, she threw a chain down to the ring, which Hebner got rid of, she then threw out a can of spray for Robbie to use. Instead, Lethal used it and got DQed. Some of the crowd were chanting “you screwed Jay” – Jay cheated you fucking thicktards, the ref did the right thing. The cage didn’t work and Jay looked like a dick, way to put over your babefaces TNA. The cage got lowered and Cookie slapped Sharkboy, Sharkboy then put Cookie in the Stunner. I hope this means Sharkboy will be on Impact... Shell yeah!
Match rating: ***
Rhino versus RVD – First blood Again we had another interview with someone who wasn’t even in a match, this time Tommy Dreamer. He said something like “Ten years ago, Rhino broke RVD’s leg, and they became great friends”, okay... He also looked fucking stupid. This match was one hell of a mixed bag; it in a constant flux between being awesome to being a train-wreck. There were some crazy spots, RVD did the Van Terminator, he also botch a number of spots and you could clearly see Rhino’s blade-job had started to bleed before RVD hit him for the blow that got the win. For future reference, this is how a good ending to match should look (they don’t need to have a guy getting a bin kicked into his face, but you get what I mean). Again, it was a clean win, there was no run-ins, no bullshit, and even though there was some shakey moments and a couple of botches, it was a great match. In fact it’s probably the cleanest first blood match I think I’ve ever seen.
Match rating: ***½
AJ Styles versus Doug Williams – TV title I’m starting to get confused now, this time to build up the match, a promo was given by Kaz... three times? Really? This is so dumb, it’s not even funny. In the next few weeks I’ll be looking back over the year at some of my favourite matches. I’ve pretty much got a top ten, but this match has thrown a spanner into the works. I can’t believe how good this match was. There was no bullshit booking, the finish was clean and the match was just brilliant. Williams is one of the best and most underrated wrestlers in TNA, if not the world, and even with his achievements he doesn’t seem to get the cred with TNA he deserves. He’s held the X-Division title, the tag titles, IWGP tag titles, TV title – the only title he’s not held in the TNA Heavyweight title. So yeah, this match was awesome, truly, truly spectacular. I hope that we have the next Impact taken up with an hour long Iron Man match between these two. Both guys just looked fantastic, Doug did his Rolling Chaos AT RINGSIDE, and beat AJ with the Styles clash (you read that right). It’s possible that this match will be looked at fondly by TNA fans in the future as one of their greatest matches before going out of business. This is what happens when you get two of the best pure wrestlers in the world going at it in a match without bullshit booking. My hat goes off for this one, this is a perfect match. AND DOUG GOT THE TITLE WITH A CLEAN, DECISIVE WIN. Match rating: *****
Motor City Machine Guns versus Generation Me – Tag team championship TLC match With WWE’s TLC only a week away, what better way than to show how great the competition’s PPV could be by having a TLC match. Not that I’m complaining because this was another great match. Structurally, I didn’t think that this match told much of story, but in terms of showing just how innovative Gen Me and the Guns are, this match was awesome. There was so many things in this match that I’ve not seen before, and so many sick spots that I haven’t seen in far too long (from a table atop of a ladder through table after a chair fight.) There was so much potential for these guys to get hurt in this match, but everyone could walk at the end, so it’s all good. This match was great because it was such a contrast in styles between the last match which was a pure wrestling fan’s dream match and this which can only be described as a crazy spot-fest.
Match rating: ****
At this point, you could have turned off your TV and walked away knowing that you’d seen one of the best PPVs TNA have ever done and is by far the PPV of the year. Unbeknownst to me, I carried on watch. It felt it was like on an old Western where they would have a train hurtling towards a broken bridge... the last three matches were like those final seconds when the driver can see straight down into the abyss (geddit?).
Abyss versus Pope – casket match
It’s 2010 and we’re still having casket matches? Not only are we having casket matches, we are having casket matches that MAKE NO FUCKING SENSE. Since when has Abyss (or is it Pope? I’ve no fucking idea) been into coffins? Who gives a shit about this feud? This match was stupid, and rubbish, and irresponsible. They did a spot where Abyss did a back-breaker on Pope onto the casket – the exact spot that broke Shawn Michaels’ back and had him out of WWF for four years. Pope then didn’t sell this at all and went on to do some drop kicks and life up a guy who weighs “in excess” of 350 lb. But the stupidity doesn’t end there! Abyss gets put in the casket and instead of shutting the lid from the ring apron, decides to get out of the ring, slowly stroll round the casket and close the lid. Abyss punches through the end of the casket and grabs Popes balls and pulls him into the box... later in the match Abyss got the win with another cock-based move, this time kicking Pope in the “yam bag region” and choke-slamming him into the coffin for the win. This match was shit. Match rating: ½
Jeff Jarrett versus Samoa Joe – submission match
One of the most entertaining things on recent Impact has been Jeff Jarrett’s MMA stint. I especially loved him making young children tap out of submission holds. This storyline is obviously a joke storyline and is more about Jarrett’s delusional personality than anything else. So why the hell Joe was humouring an MMA-style meet up with the ref prior to the match, made no fucking sense. During this segment, Gunner and Murphy came out and waved nightsticks over Joe’s leg, which if you believed the commentary had actually hurt Joe. I’ve got eyes, they’re not very good eyes, but damn it, those sticks went nowhere near to Joe. They were clearly trying to work an MMA style match in this one, and to some extent it worked. Joe came down to the ring with his injured leg, the match started and Joe went into guard on his back and dared Jarrett to come near him. He did a few times and Joe got in some submission moves. They did some ground-and-pound style stuff and more submissions, then there was the finish... Jarrett tapped-out, but it was outside of the ring... Jarrett tapped-out, but his foot was under the rope... then Gunner and Murphy did a run in and Jarrett got the ankle lock for the win. This was such a great feud when it started, and now it looks like a deflated balloon. Stupid booking, pointless ending and so much of the story made no fucking sense.
Match rating: *
Matt Morgan versus Jeff Hardy – TNA world championship, no DQ with Anderson as guest ref.
This match had bullshit written all over it from the outset and it didn’t disappoint (well it did disappoint; this match was TNA at its worst). This match was shit and Jeff seemed to be off his tits, botching almost every move he did. Morgan kicked out of a bunch of Twist of Fates, Morgan hurt his knee trying to kick Hardy. Jeff then tried to get counted out, in a no DQ match, Anderson counted to 9 then stopped and went after Hardy to drag that sucker back in the ring, probably because he’s an asshole or something. Morgan got the pin and Anderson did a fair count, Hardy got the pin and Anderson wouldn’t count. There was a ref bump, an Morgan got the pin, but oh no! The ref was out on the floor. How to solve this? Enter Bischoff with a new ref in tow. Bischoff then threw Anderson into the ring post. He then threw the new ref into the ring, but wait, Matt Morgan still has the cover! Bischoff pulled the new ref away (thank God!). Jeff hit another botched Twist of Fate and got the win. What a shit main event.
Match rating: 0
Seriously, you should watch this PPV, but pretend that the Guns/Gen Me match is the main event, you will not be disappointed.
I'm a big fan of local wrestling. Nothing beats the being a few feet away from some indie wrestling, where even the most obscure chants can catch on. Here's a match from a DPW event I went to in my home city of Leeds a few months back. I had my dog with me, and one of the wrestlers calls him out. Harehills Working Men's club is like the Madison Square Garden of Yorkshire for those who don't know.
I came across this video on YouTube and decided to share it and add a bit of analysis. The video show Jeff and Matt Hardy shouting off about CM Punk. They both appear to be off their mash on ecstasy pipes... let’s take a look:
JH: What’s straight edge mean again? The first straight edge world heavyweight champion. I think Christian said it best... erm... CM Punk, I think you’re a nerd.
Ooh, big scary Jeff Hardy calling Punk a nerd! This is like when Michael Cole calls Danielson a nerd, it just comes across as really kiddie. I wonder if CM Punk is crying huge tears into his glass of Pepsi Raw? Crying until his tear-ducts burn because a drug-wreck called him a nerd... Crying like a child who’s been left in a supermarket... you can play by the escalators all you want kid, but your mum’s never coming back...
JH: I get cocky every now and then, say you pay to see me, you pay to see me, but... I made CM Punk a motherfucking superstar... and that’s a fact, Jack... and I went in like this {raises middle finger]... baaaaannng!
At this point Hardy has laid it all on the line, he made Punk into a superstar, a superstar who seems to have gained his fame from copulating with his mother. Hardy then makes reference to that time when he “went in like this” and all the sycophants that surround the Hardy’s went “ooooh” like they were eleven and someone said a swear near a teacher... “oooh... you’re naughty.” On a serious note, I’m not how one would go in like that, but it seems pretty creepy to me. “Baannng!”
JH: You can’t do that shit in your company anymore, but in this world [makes a triangle with hands], you can do it all we want to. You should follow me, you should listen to my preaching because it’s gonna get you through life; it’ll make you live life the right way.
From this, it would seem that Jeff Hardy believes that triangles are banned from the WWE. The reasons for this are not explained by Hardy, but one must assume that WWE fear lawsuits for the use of triangles (though they do have the rights to use the logically impossible square-circle). I think what Hardy is saying here is that if you follow Hardy, you will transcend geometry.
JH: Your way’s not the right way, brother. That’s what’s cool about planet Earth; we’re all different. If we were all like you, man, I would rather live on Pluto.
If we were all like CM Punk, then Jeff Hardy would rather live on a fictional cartoon dog? Now, I don’t want to come across as preachy, but if you’d rather live on a cartoon dog than in a world without drugs, then maybe it’s time to consider going straight. I’m not preaching, it’s just a suggestion.
JH: You [points to the cameraman], my friend, are way too cocky; inside and outside of the ring.
At this point I would like to know who is behind the camera? And why is the cameraman so cock inside the ring as well as outside? These questions are never answered.
JH: It’s kinda strange when you go up and see your homeboys at a show... you got guys like Undertaker coming up and saying “hey Jeff, how’re you doin’, man?” all these other guys going “hey Jeff, how’s it going for you, man, you alright?” [incomprehensible] CM never even say hello to me, never did, walk away [mumbles] I just leave [mumbles] fuck that guy.
Wow, Jeff Hardy is pissed off because someone who doesn’t like him at his old work place didn’t go over to him and pretend to like him. How insecure is this guy? I’ve worked at places and have hated people, that’s part of working in a place with other people in. He then descends into the mumbling grumpiness of an old wino, no doubt reaching down to can of Special Brew for a dirty swig once the camera cuts.
JH: I just have one message for CM Punk [raises both middle fingers], fuck you.
The way Hardy delivers his swears here reminds me of someone who has just learnt a naughty word and feels assured with himself that by its mere utterance, the recipient of said swear will not be able to fathom, nigh, comprehend a word of such power and magnitude.
JH: I made you the straight edge superstar that you are, and I still don’t believe that because I think you take Ambien to go to sleep motherfucker [laughs], that’s a prescription if you didn’t know it, so hey-woah.
So hey-woah, Mr Punk, you’ve been hey-woahed, baby. Whatcha gonna do now? I feel sorry for Punk: he’s been accused of having sex with his mother, of being banned from triangles, of making Jeff want to live on a cartoon dog, of taking prescription drugs; he’s been told to fuck him, and now, with the final nail, the final barb of poison, he’s been hey-woahed... Jeff, you’ve crossed a line.
We then cut to Mr Sleepy, AKA Fat “Matt” Hardy, who somehow manages to piece together these words of wisdom in the same way a retarded kid would piece together the entrails of dead bird, believing them to be a jigsaw puzzle.
MH: I have no idea what CM Punk’s deal is with Amy Dumas.
It’s pronounced dumb ass, dumb ass.
MH: But I do know [falls asleep......wakes up] he’s a very dramatic and very emotional. Anytime she finds herself in a tough spot, I’m the guy she calls.
There was a lot to take in this week with Survivor Series and the fallout from that, so let’s take a quick look over this last week:
WWE Survivor Series: The best way to look at this is to revisit my predictions:
- “- Team Del Rio vs. Team Mysterio - Rey Mysterio, The Big Show, Kofi Kingston, M.V.P & Chris Masters vs. Alberto Del Rio, Jack Swagger, Drew McIntyre, "Dashing" Cody Rhodes & Tyler Reks. Don’t watch Smackdown, so don’t care... flip a coin... Del rio to win.”
So, the babyfaces won. Oh well. To be honest, this wasn’t a bad match. Drew McIntyre is possibly the most boring thing in WWE at the moment, but most of the others put on a decent match. I’m not sure what the WWE have against MVP, he got the biggest crowd pop of this match when he entered and yet he was quickly eliminated. Match rating: ***
“- John Morrison vs. Sheamus This match is stupid. Sheamus has been going after Santino for weeks, so he’s having a match with Morrison... who gives a fuck. Potential to be a half-decent match though. Morrison to win.” This was a really solid match, but I’ll admit that when I was watching it I was hoping that Triple H would do a run-in. There were some pretty innovative moves by Morrison in this one, but the ending felt a bit flat. Morrison won this one, so 1-1 on the predictions. Match rating: ***½
“- 2 on 1 Handicap Match for WWE Unified Diva's Championship Team Laycool (Michelle McCool & Layla) vs. Beth Phoenix Don’t care about Divas... The first one to win.” I was wrong, but don’t care. I went to get a drink during this one. 1-2.
“- WWE United States Championship Match Daniel Bryan vs. Ted DiBiase (w/Maryse) This could be pretty good, but can see bullshit with Maryse. I’d like to see Danielson keep the strap. Danielson to win.” Danielson won and the match was great. I’ve decided that a dream match would be Danielson versus Angle, but I know that’s never going to happen. Just imagine how good that match could be? I think this match has put DiBiase up in my estimation: the guy can work. 2-2 on the predictions. Match rating: ****
“- WWE Intercontinental Championship Match Dolph Ziggler vs. Kaval This could be the best match of the night, Kaval (Low-ki/Senshi) has been floundering a bit of late, so would like to see him win and have some matches with Danielson. Low-ki to win” It’s a shame that Low-ki is getting buried in the WWE. He didn’t get the title, and probably never will now . Though the match took a little to get going, it was truly excellent. There was one spot where Ziggler got kicked in the face pretty hard and his nose started bleeding. This was definitely the best match of the night. 3-2 Match rating ****½
“- WWE Tag Team Championship Match Nexus (Justin Gabriel & Heath Slater) vs. Santino Marella & Vladimir Kozlov
Really? Is this the best they could come up with? TNA gives you Guns/Beer Money/Gen Me... WWE charges you to see Santino and the generic Russian guy versus the ones without personality who stand in a line with Wade Barrett wearing the same T-shirts. WWE tag team division is a complete joke, it really is.“ A joke with a bad punchline... this match was piss-poor and the Nexi retained. No prediction for this because I cared so little about this match. Match rating: *
“- World Heavyweight Championship Match - Kane (w/Paul Bearer) vs. Edge Who cares, will probably be less painful to watch the Kane/Taker... hope Edge wins. Edge to win.” This match was bullshit, Edge won, but then the decision was reversed. I didn’t realise they had Dusty Rhodes on the booking at WWE. The match itself was also awful. I’ve always thought that if you have the strap on a wrestling show, you should be able to put on a good match. How many good matches has Kane actually been in? No really, think about this. How many? Maybe his first few with Undertaker, maybe one or two decent ones when he was a dentist. This match was Kane by numbers, and shouldn’t have been on a PPV, let alone high card. Please fire Kane, he’s just rubbish. 2-4. Match rating: *
“WWE Championship - Orton (c) vs. Barrett w/Cena as ref. I’m hoping for a Cena heel turn and Barrett to take home the strap. I can’t stand Orton, the guy is as wooden as, erm, some wood and looks like one of the muppets (Beaker?). I can see a lot of bullshit going down in this match, maybe even a good few swerves, but I hope not. Barrett to win. (then Miz will cash in his Money in the Bank case)”
I got this one all wrong, Cena shoved Barrett at the end to allow Orton to get the win. The match was decent enough, it just wasn’t that great. I’ll admit that the ending took me by surprise (as it evidently did with Matt Striker who called that Cena was free, only to be quickly corrected by Lawler). As for the Miz, I was wrong... for 24 hours, at least... Match rating: ***
So my predictions were way off on this. As a pay-per-view, this was a mixed bag. There were some stand-out matches, and some stinkers. The finale to the Cena/Nexus angle will be the biggest swerve in history (cue Cena in a match for a WWE contract as a masked wrestler at Royal Rumble.)
WWE Raw: The fallout for Survivor Series and another decent Raw. There was another match with Danielson and BiBiase which was very good. There was also a long goodbye segment with John Cena which was probably one of the best babyface promos I think I’ve seen (he even called for the “Let’s go Cena/Cena sucks” chant.) Of course, this angle has no choice but to fail. Unless Cena is genuinely fired, or at minimum takes some time off, this could seriously damage Cena’s position. The promo ended with Cena walking out of the door... for good... It was also good to see CM Punk on the announce team. At points he sounded very “broadcast journalist” offering quite a lot of generic play-by-play commentary. It was only when he started to allow his personality to come out that he became interesting. I hope that the WWE encourage Punk to be more of himself. The main event of the evening saw a return match between Orton and Barrett, again it was a decent match which was won by Orton due to a run-in by... John Cena... the guy who had said goodbye and walked out of the WWE made his triumphant return on the same fucking night. Now I hope that this is a one-off, that this was Cena’s last bit of revenge against Barrett and only returns say when Barrett actually has the title. With Orton and Barrett both exhausted from their match, the Miz came in and cashed in his MiTB case and in now the WWE champion. Thank God the title has been stripped from Orton (even though it will blatantly go back to him at TLC.)
Next week is King of the Ring. I’m not sure why they still do this, but it means a 3 hour Raw, so who’s complaining. I hope they don’t have Kofi Kingston to win (King Kingston, eugh). I think a good heel character should win this, hopefully Sheamus or Del Rio, but we shall see. If I’ve learnt one thing from watch Raw recently it is that the storyline which would make most sense and make for better future programming isn’t the way they’ll go, so who knows?
TNA Impact: TNA does not care about its international fans. The management are so focused on US ratings that they ignore the fact TNA Reaction isn’t aired in many places. This is why the main event, and the main angle of the show didn’t appear on Impact. So you watch the show on Bravo on a Saturday night. Most of the programme sucks, the matches are bad and the main event (a Survivor Series style elimination match, FFS) cuts off near the end and that’s it. UK viewers are say wondering “what the fuck was that? Where the fuck was the Dixie Carter stuff they’d be going on about all episode?” So I end up downloading it from an illegal torrent site so I can watch the fucking ending. I’ve said it before: why should I waste my time watching a show on TV that doesn’t even have the ending when I can download it for free and watch it all? It makes no real difference to me, but to the TV station, who is losing viewers week-after-week because they are choosing to just download it rather than watch it on TV, this just seems stupid. Advertising revenues go down with ratings, and I’m sure I’m not the only person getting sick of this. This just stinks of desperation on TNA’s part and is very short-sighted. I watched some of Reaction and realised that it wasn’t worth my bandwidth. The elimination ended with a run-in by the NWO (Jeff Hardy) and Dixie Carter had an injunction for Hogan. Yeah! An injunction, wooo! FFS, are you serious? I can’t wait for the courtroom drama that will play out over the next few months. Who cares about wrestling when we can have courtroom drama? Maybe they could bring Judge Judy, maybe Hogan will be hit with a summons rather than a steel chair... oh dear.
On another note, just watched the Best of Tyler Black DVD by ROH, some awesome stuff on there.
I never realised this match took place. A surprisingly slim (and even more surprisingly, blond) Samoa Joe taking on former ECW title contender Masato Tanaka. Fun fact: Joe used to use the Pedigree...
This week, Raw went old school, and it was pretty good. They had all the old graphics, music, format and colours of Raw from when it first started. It was just like a normal edition of Raw in terms of building up for Survivor Series and keeping with the usual storylines. There were a couple of matches where old wrestlers were squashed by the younger guys (Brooklyn Brawler and Sgt. Slaughter). They also had a few ‘legends’ come out without wrestlers, or do little skits. One skit which I though was genius was with Dusty Rhodes, IRS, the Million Dollar Man, Goldust and Cody Rhodes... you need to see it. A skit with the Iron Sheik was also brilliant. He seemed like he didn’t even know he was there and was shouting off... not quite so genius, but was still entertaining. Rowdy Roddy Piper did his Piper’s Pit with Cena and Orton, and even though Piper’s looking pretty old these days, he’s still got it on the mic. Highlight of the night was the Swagger versus Danielson match with Jim Ross on the commentary. I’m obviously showing my age because having JR on the commentary just sounded right. I thought that Michael Cole was brilliant during this as well, pouting like a teenager. Michael Cole as a heel, play-by-play guy works really well, and this segment was probably one of the most entertaining things Cole has ever done.
TNA Impact
I find you have to rate the quality of Impacts on a curve these days. In terms of the last few months, this wasn’t a bad Impact. They were focused on less storylines which gave room for more time for wrestling... but not much more... The show opened with a slick video package with Jeff Hardy talking about how he’s the “anti-Christ of professional wrestling” and looking and sounding more and more like Raven (he’s even put on a couple of pounds). This was a classic case of style over substance and can only be described as absolute gash. There was a promo by Ric Flair against Matt Morgan, this was pretty entertaining and actually led to a match later in the night... which as you can imagine wasn’t brilliant, but was pretty solid... before a run-in by Fourtune... throughout the promo Flair repeatedly referred to himself as God – not a God, but God. I hate to use logic here, but if we take the Christian doctrine of the Holy Trinity, whereby the Father (God), the Son (Christ) and the Holy Spirit (spooky ghost), are all properties of the same entity (i.e. God), then Ric Flair and Jeff Hardy should be theologically opposed... perhaps... but then I suppose Flair could be an incarnation of Yahweh, the vengeful God of the Old Testament... Flair should clarify what he means when he uses the word God in this context... erm... so with the run-in, we had a bit of argie-bargie, a bit of an altercation between the members of Fourtune and Douglas Williams... So Doug Williams is now out of Fourtune. This is excellent, it means now Fourtune’s name actually makes fucking sense, I also hope that a match comes of this at the next PPV between AJ and Williams, and hopefully they will give them 15-20 minutes... and a cage... and a ladder... After the Flair promo we had a mixed tag match between The Guns with Velvet Sky and Jay Lethal, and Gen Me with Robbie E and Cookie... why they are having a manager wrestle after a few weeks of being introduced in beyond me... Becky Bayliss is hot, but she’s not a good worker by any stretch of the imagination... this match had some decent moments, but on the whole was a bit of clusterfuck. Robbie E got the win, which made no sense. Next up was a segment with Jarrett and JB. You can tell that in recent months TNA have been trying to put over a “reality” feel to their programming, with lots of candid snatches of dialogue and shoots by the wrestlers. In this segment, Jarrett was haranguing JB to read out an elaborate introduction for him, and ended up bitch-slapping him. The scene was uncomfortable and awkward, and so worked very well – much better than a lot of the Bischoff/Hogan segments they’ve been doing recently. Next up was Jeff Jarrett’s MMA exhibition. With Jarrett bringing out six students from his “dojo” and taking them one at a time to show them submissions. I actually found this segment pretty entertaining, even though as I’m writing this, it sounds like a sack of cack... the segment was interrupted by Samoa Joe (Not “SAMOAN JOE”, Hogan). A match between Joe and two of the anonymous ‘students’ lasted for about 20 seconds with Joe getting them both to tap out in quick succession. Jarrett ran away, and we will no doubt see a submission match at the next PPV. I’m pretty hazy on the ordering here, but the next match (I think) was Jeff Hardy versus Raven. If Raven lost, he would be fired. With the EC2 angle being wound down, it’s no surprise that Raven lost. As much as I used to like Raven, today he looks out of shape and a bit of a drug-wreck. The match itself wasn’t bad, and had hardy win with a Twist of Fate followed by a Swanton for the pin. There was a really dull promo between Rhino and Tommy Dreamer, which I can’t really remember aside from the fact that it nearly made me fall asleep. This also goes for 3D’s promo – as great as they are on the mic, this whole angle is rubbish. Bubba flips between face and heel every few weeks and its starting to wear a bit thin. As I say, my order is all out of whack, but I’m pretty sure the next match was Mickie James versus Angelina for the number our contender’s slot. As Love didn’t get her rematch after she lost the title to Tara, I’m pretty sure she’s the de facto number one contender... but this is TNA and logic and consistency aren’t exactly top priorities. The match was pretty decent, Love looked really good in this match. James won and so she’ll be, erm, taking on Tara again at the next PPV... hmmm... We then had a backstage bit with Angelina crying, who should show up but Winter? You know Winter; the one who’s been doing the Ultimate Warrior trick of appearing in a mirror? The one that only Angelina can see... and the cameraman... and the viewers... it seems that Winter is some kind of Eastern-bloc goth/witch lesbian stalker. I really cannot wait to see how long it takes for TNA to drop this one... Next we had a match between Shannon Moore and Abyss. I can’t stand Shannon Moore, the guy is a spot monkey and I just hate his image/character/philosophy/wrestling style. This match was pretty dumb and ended with Pope become the Undertaker and magically appearing in a casket. I’m really confused by the casket, who’s casket is it? I thought it was Abyss’, but it seems that Taz thinks it is the Pope’s... I’m confused. And the end the show we had the aforementioned Flair/Morgan match. On the whole, this wasn’t a bad Impact. There were lots of short snappy backstage segments which is much preferred to the long-drawn-out conversations between Hogan and Bischoff. I still think that the TNA belt looks awful... truly awful...
WWE Breaking the Code: Behind the Walls of Chris Jericho DVD
Just a quick final note, Chris Jericho’s DVD is pretty awesome. The documentary segment is great, and has a lot of his best promos. The only negative thing about this is the fact that they spend far too much time plugging Fozzie. If you don’t know Fozzie, imagine the most generic rock you can... bingo! That’s what Fozzie is. Of course, the best thing about the DVD is the two discs of matches. And because WWE owns the tapes to WCW/ECW/Smokey Mountain, etc, we get a good variety of matches.
“Cowboy” Chris Jericho vs. Lance T. Storm Calgary, Alberta October 2, 1990 Alternate Commentary By: Chris Jericho & Matt Striker
The Thrill Seekers vs. The Infernos Smoky Mountain Wrestling March 12, 1994
International Junior Heavyweight Championship Match Chris Jericho vs. Ultimo Dragon Japan July 7, 1995 Alternate Commentary By: Chris Jericho & Matt Striker
Chris Jericho vs. Cactus Jack Hardcore TV March 12, 1996
WCW Cruiserweight Championship Match Chris Jericho vs. Eddie Guerrero Fall Brawl September 14, 1997
Mask vs. WCW Cruiserweight Championship Match Chris Jericho vs. Juventud Guerrera SuperBrawl VIII February 22, 1998
WCW Cruiserweight Championship Match Chris Jericho vs. Dean Malenko Nitro July 27, 1998
The Millennium Countdown Clock Expires RAW August 9, 1999
Intercontinental Championship Match Chris Jericho vs. Kurt Angle No Way Out February 27, 2000
WWE Championship Match Chris Jericho vs. Triple H RAW April 17, 2000
WCW World Heavyweight Championship Match Chris Jericho vs. The Rock No Mercy October 21, 2001
Undisputed Championship Match Chris Jericho vs. Stone Cold Steve Austin Vengeance December 9, 2001 Disk 3
No Disqualification Match for the WWE Undisputed Championship Chris Jericho vs. Hulk Hogan SmackDown May 2, 2002
Chris Jericho vs. Shawn Michaels WrestleMania XIX March 30, 2003 Alternate Commentary By: Chris Jericho & Matt Striker
WWE Championship You’re Fired Match Chris Jericho vs. John Cena RAW August 22, 2005
Save_US.Y2J RAW November 19, 2007
Intercontinental Championship Match Chris Jericho vs. Jeff Hardy RAW March 10, 2008
Ladder Match for the World Heavyweight Championship Chris Jericho vs. Shawn Michaels No Mercy October 5, 2008
No Holds Barred Match for the Intercontinental Championship Chris Jericho vs. Rey Mysterio Extreme Rules June 7, 2009
Non-Title Match Chris Jericho vs. Undertaker SmackDown! November 13, 2009
World Heavyweight Championship Match Chris Jericho vs. Edge WrestleMania XXVI March 28, 2010
My favourite matches on here are versus Juventud Guerrera and Shawn Michaels. Most of the matches are 4 star + and is well-worth checking out.
I've wanted to see this PPV since I saw this promo. Finally, it's time...
This event took place in December 2009, but since hardly anyone watches PWG I'll try and keep this as spoiler free as possible.
LET'S DO THIS!
00:03- Wow, no fucking about - straight into the match. I'm impressed. 00:57 - It's Gen Me...with different names. 2:26 - Gen Me (aka Young Bucks) vs Cutler Brothers - I've heard of the Cutlers but not seen them in action, Young Bucks are awesome though 05:55 - I don't know what that was...kind of a suicide headscissors to the outside, I guess...but it was awesome 09:50 - This match is awesome 11:32 - Fucking hell, the youngest Buck just did an insane corkscrew dive from the top rope to the floor...he must be dead 13:54 - Great match, great finish - it sucks that so few people were there, it's even worse that so few people will ever see it. 14:06 - Next match, Scott Lost v Roderick Strong...I know nothing about either of these guys, names sound familiar though. Hopefully it'll be a decent match. 15:20 - Very fast paced match so far, and the moves seem pretty impactful...I like :) 19:56 - The match seems pretty one sided so far in Lost's favour...nice mix of high impact moves and extremely uncomfortable looking submission attempts 22:21 - Strong has momentum now...very violent style also...these guys look like they're actually beating the crap out of each other 27:36 - Another great match 27:55 - Next match, Bryan Danielson v Kenny Omega...should be good. 28:02 - I like how they go from one match straight to the next...no entrances, no promos, no fucking about - just wall-to-wall wrestling. 32:58 - Great start to the match, both guys are great wrestlers, and Omega's funny as hell too 36:40 - I love this crowd - Omega puts his hands up for a test of strength, and one guy yells "Don't trust him, his arm is sometimes a chainsaw" 42:25 - Holy shit, both guys were standing on their heads, hitting each other in the face - how is that even possible?? 43:22 - Omega grabbed the mic...this match is pure comedy 46:23 - Now they're dancing around the ring together...this is awesome 47:46 - Moonsault from the second rope to the floor... 51:50 - What an awesome match...both guys are super talented, and the comedy aspects made it a joy to watch. Best match I've seen all year that didn't include Kurt Angle. 53:33 - Paul London v Joey Ryan...I like London, Ryan rings a bell...I seem to remember seeing him on RoH but I might be wrong... 1:12:05 - Pretty decent match. London was good, I didn't see anything particularly special from Ryan. He executed everything perfectly, but his moveset seems a little generic from that showing... 1:12:30 - 6 man tag, B-Boy, Candice LeRay & Scorpio Sky vs Austin Ares, Chuck Taylor & Human Tornado...the only one I've seen wrestle before is Ares, but I'm looking forward to seeing Human Tornado in action - his highlight reel is awesome so I'm interested to see how good he is in an actual match. Weird that one side has a woman and the other doesn't, usually in mixed tag matches both sides are mixed. 1:24:50 - LeRay is really good...she's getting her arse handed to her though 1:25:53 - Ares taking the piss out of Cena :) 1:27:29 - LeRay just did a belly to back suplex on Ares...except instead of grabbing him round the waist, she grabbed his nuts. Ouch. 1:28:18 - Taylor went for a baseball slide under the bottom rope, Sky trod on the rope and crotched him...I've never seen that before, inventive and funny. 1:29:35 - Pretty cool match, 6-man tags are hard to get right imo. Tornado was great, Sky was really good too, as was LeRay...but it felt like I didn't see much of anyone, they were tagging in an out so quickly that nobody got a good head of steam going. 1:29:57 - Tyler Black v Davey Richards...Black's name sounds familiar but no idea who he is, Richards is a complete unknown to me. 1:30:26 - Actually, I recognise Richards' face but I can't remember where from...I seem to remember him being a hard hitter. 1:33:20 - The crowd is still awesome. Kid: "You suck!" Adult: "No he doesn't!" 1:34:51 - I like Richards, he'll just do a totally normal move but it looks about five times as violent...even his punches look nasty 1:43:43 - Really cool match, Richards just looks violent as hell 1:44:07 - Sonjay Dutt v El Generico...Sonjay is fucking awesome, Generico has an awesome highlight reel - I'm expecting good things from this one 1:53:27 - Running backflip over the top rope to the floor from Generico...insane 1:58:36 - Brainbuster from the top turnbuckle, and he rammed his head into the turnbuckle itself...nasty 1:59:11 - Colt Cabana v Chris Hero for the title... 2:04:35 - Awesome exchange between Cabana and the kid in the audience...ended up with the audience chanting "This is awkward" after the kid made a comment about the size of Cabana's package...even the ref had to cover his laughter 2:06:29 - Awesome technical wrestling from both guys 2:18:37 - Really good match, it looked like he actually knocked him out cold with that finishing move
Decent PPV overall, the standout match was the Danielson Omega match but overall everything was pretty damn good.
The promo I linked to at the start is actually part of this show, not promoting this show...I really want to see the event they're talking about.
As Survivor Series is almost upon us, I figured I’d do some predictions. This is probably most rushed PPV card ever, so it is obvious the WWE haven’t done a great job at building it up. Let’s do this...
- WWE Championship - Orton (c) vs. Barrett w/Cena as ref. I’m hoping for a Cena heel turn and Barrett to take home the strap. I can’t stand Orton, the guy is as wooden as, erm, some wood and looks like one of the muppets (Beaker?). I can see a lot of bullshit going down in this match, maybe even a good few swerves, but I hope not. Barrett to win. (then Miz will cash in his Money in the Bank case)
- World Heavyweight Championship Match - Kane (w/Paul Bearer) vs. Edge Who cares, will probably be less painful to watch the Kane/Taker... hope Edge wins. Edge to win.
- Team Del Rio vs. Team Mysterio - Rey Mysterio, The Big Show, Kofi Kingston, M.V.P & Chris Masters vs. Alberto Del Rio, Jack Swagger, Drew McIntyre, "Dashing" Cody Rhodes & Tyler Reks. Don’t watch Smackdown, so don’t care... flip a coin... Del rio to win.
- John Morrison vs. Sheamus This match is stupid. Sheamus has been going after Santino for weeks, so he’s having a match with Morrison... who gives a fuck. Potential to be a half-decent match though. Morrison to win.
- 2 on 1 Handicap Match for WWE Unified Diva's Championship Team Laycool (Michelle McCool & Layla) vs. Beth Phoenix Don’t care about Divas... The first one to win.
- WWE United States Championship Match Daniel Bryan vs. Ted DiBiase (w/Maryse) This could be pretty good, but can see bullshit with Maryse. I’d like to see Danielson keep the strap. Danielson to win.
- WWE Intercontinental Championship Match Dolph Ziggler vs. Kaval This could be the best match of the night, Kaval (Low-ki/Senshi) has been floundering a bit of late, so would like to see him win and have some matches with Danielson. Low-ki to win
- WWE Tag Team Championship Match Nexus (Justin Gabriel & Heath Slater) vs. Santino Marella & Vladimir Kozlov
Really? Is this the best they could come up with? TNA gives you Guns/Beer Money/Gen Me... WWE charges you to see Santino and the generic Russian guy versus the ones without personality who stand in a line with Wade Barrett wearing the same T-shirts. WWE tag team division is a complete joke, it really is.
I suppose half of the matches I want to see, which will give me time to go the bar while some of the Socko writers go to watch the event at a bar...
This might actually be one of my favourite promos in wrestling ever. It was from when Chris Jericho was feuding with Dean "the man of 1000 holds" Malenko on WCW.
When it comes to wrestling gimmicks, none leave me colder (geddit?) than Glacier. Glacier’s gimmick was that he was a martial arts guy, not in an MMA shoot style, but it in that really cheese-tastic exhibition style whereby a guy would stand there and do a series of moves for no other reason than to show that he can do a series of moves (I think it might be called Kata, but I might wrong). From April 1996, promos for Glacier started appearing on Nitro, they were very cryptic at first, but then he was finally revealed after about 4-5 months to be... Glacier – the Sub Zero of WCW. Glacier’s entrance involved the house lights dimming and blue laser beams being shot across the crowd, the awful, awful music played and it would, erm, start to snow. I’m not kidding, fake snow would fall from the ceiling. At this point Glacier enters looking exactly like Sub-Zero did in Mortal Kombat 2 (when he was given a waistcoat and funny face-paint to differentiate him from the array of generic ninjas of varying colours). According to the ring announcer, his outfit has an evil face on his back because he knows that evil is always behind him, and he wore a helmet which was over 400 years old! No really, even though it looked new, it was actually handed down from his sensei. After Glacier’s long-drawn-out entrance (it usually took about two or three minutes after he did all his fannying about in the ring, he would bow to his opponent and then bow to the referee. With the house lights still an eerie shade of blue and the snow still falling, the match would begin. Glacier sucked in the ring. There’s no better way of putting it, the guy sucked. In his matches he utilised his martial arts to do some pretty looking roundhouse kicks and some stupid take-downs. I can’t emphasise enough just how shit this gimmick was; with all its build-up, high production values (over half a million dollars were pumped into the production of his entrance), and hype, you’d think that he’d at least be half decent... you are wrong, you are so wrong.
Since it's been so quiet around here lately, I've decided to go through my favourite Youtube videos and post all the ones related to wrestling here. Hopefully the other contributors to this blog will join in too, and we'll all get a fuckton of awesome wrestling clips.
Today's video is a tribute to Mexican wrestling. Sorry the video quality is so low, this would be awesome in HD but this is about as good as it got in 2007 when it was first uploaded. While the video quality is bad, the quality of the wrestling is...well, judge for yourself.
As the blog seems to have gone a bit by the wayside recently, I’ve decided to summarise the weeks highlights in my own wrestling experience.
TNA Turning Point.
I thought that this was a very strong PPV which seemed to dip in quality near the end. I really enjoyed the Guns/Dudleys match. The Lethal Robbie match was pretty dull, there was some good spots, but Robbie E’s style is very WWE. Tara versus Mickie James was pretty decent for a Knockouts match, and really showed how much better the style of women’s wrestling is in TNA compared to WWE. The RVD/Dreamer match was an absolute car-wreck and should have been stopped after Dreamer’s wrist was clearly dislocated. Dreamer has this old-school mentality that the show must go on, and ended up doing some crazy shit (like a jumping piledriver and getting crotched with a ladder) with his hand half hanging off. It was nasty to watch. The Fourtune/EV2 had some pretty good moments, but wasn’t a great match, Raven looked an absolute mess and did nothing for the whole match. Sabu ended up getting pinned and then fired as a result. Flair gave a classic Flair promo to Sabu about him hating the Sheik, really funny. The Abyss/Pope match was pointless and dull. The Hardy/Morgan match showed that Morgan is mid-card at best and really can’t perform at the top level. That should have been Joe or Angle in the ring, not Morgan. As expected the Immortals swept the board at this one, and I’m pretty sure that all of their matches had at least some NWO-style shenanigans.
The Shore.
Though I’m still not convinced by Robbie E’s in-ring ability, The Shore’s gimmick is pretty strong. In a week when TNA had a guest appearance from someone from one of the hottest (albeit shittest) shows in America, WWE had Peewee Herman (wonder if he had a wank in the audience of this one?). As a gimmick, the casting is great, both Becky Bayliss and Robbie E are convincing as annoying Jersey Shore types, and the mini-feud between Cookie and J-Wow from the Jersey Shore show only served to cement that. Though they are annoying, at least TNA are trying to be relevant to a modern audience.
Impact
If you can get past the first half hour of Bischoff et al talking themselves up, this wasn’t a bad Impact. A lot of the matches were screw-job matches or handicap matches which favoured Fourtune (Joe versus Gunner and Murphy had a run-in by Jeff Jarrett.) Stevie Richard versus AJ was surprisingly good, the others matches weren’t bad, they just stunk of NWO. Putting Jeff Hardy over as a heel is clearly not working, but at least he came out wearing a suit this week (that’s how you know he’s a bad guy).
WWE Raw
I only watch Raw now, I can’t be bothered with Smackdown, and I certainly can’t be bothered with NXT or Superstars. I was in the audience for the last Raw (filmed in Manchester) and my experience of it is a little mixed. It was fun to be there, bu when there were commercials breaks, the matches would literally stop as the wrestlers stood and waited for the programme to air again. WWE aren’t making anywhere near as much money as they used to and Linda McMahon didn’t win her election, so shouldn’t WWE take stock and sort their shit out? The PG thing clearly isn’t meeting the financial projections and come next Wrestlemania, what is going to be WWE’s draw for the event? Taker is hurting and is in and out of surgery every few months, Shaun Michaels has retired... what are we going to have? Wade Barrett versus Cena?
UFC 121 – Lesnar versus Velasques
I’ve never been arsed about MMA, but I ended up watching the last UFC this week with a mate. One the whole, the fights were pretty dull, but the main event with Lesnar was stunning. Both the fighters were relentless and Lesnar got beat by TKO. I’m still not convinced by UFC, but I really did enjoy that last match.
WCW Nitro – October/November 1996
It’s amazing how quick I can get through an episode of Nitro when I fast forward past the crap. I only watch the Cruiserweight matches and have been intrigued by the NWO stuff. I’ve read all about the NWO stuff before, but thought I needed to watch it for myself, and I have to say that the way it has built up was very well-executed, and I’m sure that, for a while at least, the angle was believable. I’m at the point now where Bischoff has just joined the NWO, and a main event has been signed for Hogan versus Piper. WCW’s main events were shit. Hogan/Macho Man/Lex Luger/The Giant... but the undercard was excellent and I don’t think it has been equalled. The Cruiserweight division had a real international feel to it, and some of the matches were fantastic. Dean Malenko/Ultimo Dragon/Psychosis/Rey Mysterio/Jushin Liger/Chris Jericho/Juventud Guerrera/Eddie Guerrero are just some of the regulars and there is nothing like it today.
In a continuations of my tearful send off of TNA, the match I want to share with you today is America's Most Wanted versus Triple X in six sides (count them) of steel. The rivalry between Triple X and AMW came a head after a two year build-up in this match match, which can be fairly described as one of the craziest cage matches in TNA history.
Well, that didn't last long...I don't think even Foley himself has come back quicker than I did.
On the other hand, I'm not 'back' back - Socko asked me to do a review of this week's iMPACT because it was so terrible. Which is nice - whenever I tell him about wrestling it's 'Hey Socko, did you check out the Anderson v Angle cage match yet?' or 'Hey Socko, check out this awesome ECW match I found on youtube'. But when he tells me to watch something, it's because it's the shittest iMPACT in living memory. Socko, you're a sadist.
Still, he did literally put me in a mandible claw to get me to agree to do this. Let's get this shite over with, I've got better things to do.
0:55 - Quick tip, TNA - if you're going to start the show with a highlight package, don't make it a highlight package of something shit. That's not a highlight. It's just a piece of shit. 4:00 - 4 minutes in, I'm already bored. I don't really know the details of the contract angle, but it seems pretty stupid. 5:06 - The crowd chanting 'Hogan sucks'...like they've ONLY JUST realised that he's bad for TNA? Every idiot in that arena deserves everything they're getting. 6:18 - "...there is, a motor to this madness..." has to be the worst Shakespeare misquote I've ever heard, and it makes no fucking sense whatsoever. 8:25 - I'm not actually listening to a word they're saying...it's literally going in one ear and out the other.. 9:00 - Here comes Abyss 9:43 - The crowd is pissing me off. Don't stand there booing, just walk out...the louder you complain, the more they'll go on about how much 'heat' they have. Just leave the arena, switch off your TV, and they'll go back to putting on a good show. Then you can start watching again. 11:57 - As stupid and boring as this is, I still like Jarrett's music. 12:41 - "Genius!" - Yeah, Jarrett, working for 8 years to build up a company only to hire the guy who wrecked your last company and lose everything sounds a lot like genius. 14:17 - Is this...a Fortune face turn?? Ok, now they have my interest 16:21 - And they lost it again. Still, 2 minutes out of 16 is pretty good for TNA nowadays. 17:52 "Now for the moment you've all been waiting for..." Er...some wrestling? 18:13 - Jeff Hardy. I don't think Bischoff understands the phrase 'the moment you've all been waiting for'. 18:47 - Hardy's new music is the most mediocre entrance music I've heard in a while. Dull as shit. 19:40 - Why does Hardy remind me of Raven tonight? 20:46 - Hardy's criticizing RVD for being a politician? What the fuck, you're Bischoff's buddy and just screwed Angle and Anderson out of the belt, and you're criticizing people for politics? Are you mental? 28:02 - Still bored. 32:33 - "You little smug shit" First sensible thing Dixie's said since January 4th...kinda surprised they didn't beep it to be honest 34:12 - I like Madison's new music 34:26 - And her new look 35:05 - I still hate her whiney voice though - fast forwarding 39:11 - Well that was fucking stupid. 40:14 - I have no idea who this woman is 41:33 - Mickie James...another WWE reject. Just what TNA needs right now. 41:59 - There's some kind of celebrity with even faker boobs than the Beautiful People...I'm gonna go ahead and guess reality star? Maybe pop singer, but American pop stars are usually hotter than that. 43:44 - Eric Young deserves better. 45:13 - 'Please don't go' chants for Angle. Damn straight. 51:19 - Kurt getting owned by security guards. Ffs TNA. 54:54 - Oh, a wrestling match...I'd almost forgotten that this was a wrestling show. The funny thing is, I'm genuinely not being sarcastic. 55:43 - FUCK YEAH JOE 58:44 - Seriously, TNA, go fuck yourself. 58:59 - RVD is making the save? Double fuck yourself you fucking cunt, TNA 59:46 - Wow, those are some pretty big scars RVD has from when Abyss attacked him with Janice. OH WAIT THERE AREN'T ANY 61:43 - Hardy's calling himself the new antichrist of professional wrestling...the last antichrist of professional wrestling was Judas Messias, so Jeff's in good company. 62:40 - RVD v Anderson is the main event. Sigh. 64:41 - Right. Now I'm really pissed off. Bischoff's firing his secretary, and he goes 'If you want to be part of TNA, put on some boots and go wrestle with the knockouts...because that's all you're good for'. Are you fucking kidding me? Wrestlers ARE the show. Being a wrestler is the highest fucking accolade in TNA, not a punishment...to dismiss wrestlers out of hand like that is a fucking insult. I know I usually fast forward the Knockouts, but they have consistently had the highest rated segments on the show for years. Why the fuck are TNA publicly disrespecting their most popular stars? 66:48 - Wow, Pope v all of Fortune? This ought to be a great match... 72:12 - What the fuck were they? They look like an internet meme gone wrong... 73:42 - Seriously, what the fuck are these people? Is it a joke like Ali G or what? 75:29 - They say if infinite monkeys had infinite typewriters and infinite time, eventually one of them would write the complete works of Shakespeare. This episode of iMPACT - three monkeys, ten minutes. 76:55 - Catfights are only good when a) the women are hot, b) the women are wearing skimpy clothing. When it's two moderately attractive women wearing full street clothes...what's the fucking point? 80:52 - RVD v Anderson. 2:22 left of the show. This is gonna be shit.
And the match ended on Reaction. I won't bother watching it because I don't give a fuck - and I only said I'd watch iMPACT. And I'm not watching again until the first iMPACT after Hogan and Bischoff leave. I might watch a PPV or two if the lineup looks decent though.
This was a pretty shit show. TNA's been this bad for a while. They're rehashing an old angle that was relevant 20 years ago, and was a failure even then. Now, it's both obsolete and a failure. I really hope ratings drop off so that the bean counters get the message that Hogan and Bischoff are ruining the show...if they do OK ratings-wise, this shit will never end.
Starting next month, I should be able to free up enough cash to start importing indie DVDs from the US, so I'll probably start reviewing PWG and Chikara, maybe others. I love PWG, even though I haven't seen nearly enough of it. If you have any interest in wrestling you should definitely take a look at their Youtube. Having said that, there's a PWG fan who makes homebrew highlight videos for Youtube, which are actually better than PWG's professional ones - it's definitely worth taking a look (although he's been pretty quiet lately).
The next match I want to share with you is from Final Resolution in 2005. The match in question is one of TNA's greatest innovations: the Ultimate X. In this match we see Petey Williams versus AJ Styles versus Chris Sabin for the X Division title.
TNA have done some shite gimmicks in their time, but the Ultimate X isn't one of them. This was the first Ultimate X match where the combination of wrestlers and spots made it a staple of the (what seems to be) long forgotten X Division.
Let's not dwell on the bad times, TNA has put on some amazing matches in its time. In a tribute to TNA here is the first part of my top ten matches in TNA history.
My tenth favourite match in TNA history is from August 2002: Jerry Lynn versus Lo-Ki versus AJ Styles. There was a lot of crap that was put out during the first few years of TNA, and matches during this time haven't aged well. This is still a great match and has some pretty nasty spots once the ladders get involved. Enjoy!
As TNA is meant to be a wrestling show, I’ve decided I’m going to ignore the promos during this one. This is no easy challenge as most of the episode was taken up with people standing there with mics in their hands... and it was all Hogan/Bischoff Bullshit... ugh.
Only 37 minutes (not counting adverts) into this, we have our first match: a Knockouts match between Tara and Madison Rayne for the Knockouts championship. I use the word match very loosely here as all that happened was that the bell rang, Tara lay on the mat and Madison pinned her, thus become the new Knockouts champ. The match literally lasted less than 10 seconds.
At almost 55 minutes in, the first real match starts: Samoa Joe versus Abyss. This could have been a very good match, and started off quite promisingly with Joe being all over Abyss with a barrage of chops, punches and kicks. Abyss got the Chokeslam and Joe was down on the mat, not moving. Abyss left the ring and got a chair to attack Joe with, but Joe got up and did a Suicide Dive into the chair and cracked Abyss in the face. Abyss then took the ring bell and corked Joe over the head with it busting him wide open, brother. At this point Abyss was disqualified... a DQ after 2 minutes? Oh dear. With Joe looking weak and bleeding all over himself, Abyss goes for the post-match beat-down... hark! Who should save the day but Rob Van Dam... Since when does Joe get so beaten by Abyss, and since when did Joe need a run-in by RVD to save him?
By the end of the first hour, we’ve had less than 3 minutes of in-ring action... less than 3 minutes.
At just under 67 minutes in, we have our next match: a handicap match between the Pope and Fourtune. Yes, all six of them. I think the word Retarded would be more fitting here than Handicap. Unsurprisingly, Fourtune won. This match was given a whole 3 minutes, thus doubling the amount of in-ring action we’ve seen in this episode.
At 79 ½ minutes, we have our main event of the evening: RVD versus Mr Anderson for the number one contender spot. The match was actually pretty good, with both competitors putting on a great match... until about 8 minutes in... guess who should come out? Yep, Eric Bischoff. Bischoff comes down the ring and takes the ref to the back, allowing Jeff Hardy to do a run in and his both RVD and Anderson with steel chair. He got the chair tangled in Anderson’s arm, and dropped RVD onto it... and the NWO won... That spot with the chair was probably the highlight of the show, but it was an a mere glimmer in what was possibly the worst Impact I have ever seen. My eyes hurt from the amount of times I found myself rolling them.
12 minutes of wrestling in a 2 hour wrestling show is a joke. When NWO first started in WCW, their goal was to destroy WCW... even though it was a storyline, that is exactly what happened. Now they’re basically back in TNA, it is only a matter of time before the same thing happens. I feel really sad about this, because between 2006-2009, TNA was by far the best wrestling show, now it is becoming horrible to endure. I find that I’m only watching it just in case they put on a decent Guns, Williams or Wolfe match.
As we saw on Before the Glory, Abyss is to be fired at one minute past midnight on the 11th, so this will be his last night in TNA... or not. I predict that "they" will either be a) James Mitchell accompanied by some TNA originals (Petey Williams, Monty Brown, Chris Harris, Daniels), b) Hogan with NWO style beard accompanied by Scott Hall and some other 'legends', c) there will be an invasion by ROH... I don't know, I've not been looking for spoilers or rumours because I don't want to ruin it, a) would make the most sense though.
This was an absolute digrace. Who were they? Why Hogan, Bischoff, Jarret and, um, Jeff Hardy. This being 'they' stinks to hell and the storyline makes absolutely no fucking sense. This was so retarded... It's also obvious that Dixie has signed control over to 'they'. FOR FUCKING FUCK'S SAKE, THIS IS THE SINGLE WORST THING THAT TNA HAS EVER DONE.
* Team 3D's Announcement
Not sure what to make of this one. I assume they are announcing their retirement, but it might be that they are going to bring back something to do with the IWGP titles... I really don't know.
Retirement it was, shame.
* Ink Inc. (Neal and Moore) vs. Orlando Jordan and Eric Young
In my best Ric Flair voice: "Are you kidding me?" - this is meant to be TNA's flagship PPV and they put on a mediocre tag-team against a comedy tag-team. FFS.
OJ and Eric to win
This was a good comedy match with Ink Inc. getting the win.
Match rating **
* Kevin Nash, Sting and The Pope vs. Jeff Jarrett and Samoa Joe This match has been building for almost a year, and this is best they could come up with? Joe versus Pope would be sufficient. FFS.
Nash et al to win.
1/2 right. This match was retarded, there was no reason to leave Joe in the ring to get beaten by Sting et al.
Match rating *
* MONSTERS BALL: Abyss vs. RVD This will probably be an entertaining match. I really want Abyss to fuck RVD up (properly this time).
Abyss to win.
RVD won, the match was pretty entertaining.
1/3
Match rating **
* LETHAL LOCKDOWN: EV2.0 vs. Fourtune This match will be a complete clusterfuck, some of the guys should be in singles matches rather than this War Games bullshit.
Fourtune to win.
Shit, I'm well off the mark on this. This match was pretty dull, the usual LL Wargames style clusterfuck. Would much rather have seen some of these guys in singles bouts. Found myself getting bored during the match at a few points, but was suprised by the finish.
I got this, but Doug clearly had Lethal for three. See next Botchamania. On the whole it was a good match, always love it when Doug does his Chaos Theory, reminds me of a move that Zangief does in Street Fighter IV
As predicted, this was by far the best match of the evening, the Guns are awesome and Gen Me are starting to look like convinving heels. I love this style of wrestling and this is what drew me to TNA in the first place. Sort your shit out TNA.
3/7
Match rating ****
* FOR THE VACANT TNA TITLE: Kurt Angle vs. Mr. A Obviously pointing to an Angle win, and I'd welcome that, even though it's a bit obvious. saying that, I can see Anderson getting the pin on Hardy so Angle doesn't technically lose. This could be match of the year, let's hope there is no Bischoff bullshit.
Anderson to win.
This is an example of how to completely ruin what could have been the best match of the year. The ending to this match was absolute bullshit and ruined the event for me. FUCK YOU TNA.
Hardy won, with bullshit from Hogan/Bischoff.
Match rating before bullshit ***** Match rating after bullshit -*****
So I was way off with my predictions, but TNA were way off with their PPV. Without the bullshit, there were some good matches. The booking defies logic, reason, storytelling... I CAN'T EMPHASISE HOW MUCH TNA SUCKS BECAUSE OF THIS.
It's that time again, here are my predictions for Bound for Glory. I was thinking back to last year's BFG, and how great the build-up was, and then looked at this year's and realised how bad the build up is. Anyway, let's do this:
* Abyss Reveals "THEY"
As we saw on Before the Glory, Abyss is to be fired at one minute past midnight on the 11th, so this will be his last night in TNA... or not. I predict that "they" will either be a) James Mitchell accompanied by some TNA originals (Petey Williams, Monty Brown, Chris Harris, Daniels), b) Hogan with NWO style beard accompanied by Scott Hall and some other 'legends', c) there will be an invasion by ROH... I don't know, I've not been looking for spoilers or rumours because I don't want to ruin it, a) would make the most sense though.
* Team 3D's Announcement
Not sure what to make of this one. I assume they are announcing their retirement, but it might be that they are going to bring back something to do with the IWGP titles... I really don't know.
* Ink Inc. (Neal and Moore) vs. Orlando Jordan and Eric Young
In my best Ric Flair voice: "Are you kidding me?" - this is meant to be TNA's flagship PPV and they put on a mediocre tag-team against a comedy tag-team. FFS.
OJ and Eric to win
* Kevin Nash, Sting and The Pope vs. Jeff Jarrett and Samoa Joe
This match has been building for almost a year, and this is best they could come up with? Joe versus Pope would be sufficient. FFS.
Nash et al to win.
* MONSTERS BALL: Abyss vs. RVD
This will probably be an entertaining match. I really want Abyss to fuck RVD up (properly this time).
Abyss to win.
* LETHAL LOCKDOWN: EV2.0 vs. Fourtune
This match will be a complete clusterfuck, some of the guys should be in singles matches rather than this War Games bullshit.
Obviously pointing to an Angle win, and I'd welcome that, even though it's a bit obvious. saying that, I can see Anderson getting the pin on Hardy so Angle doesn't technically lose. This could be match of the year, let's hope there is no Bischoff bullshit.
Socko said this PPV was actually worth watching. We'll see.
