A review of all things Pro Wrestling. WWE Raw, Smackdown, NXT, TNA Impact, PWG, WCW, ECW, CZW, IWP, NWA, ROH and much more.
Features, reviews. Greatest matches and promos, worst matches and characters. Predictions and opinions.
Can you smell what the Sock is cooking?
Triple H isn't a bad wrestler, can be good on the mic and has a lot of power. The Pedigree however is one of the nastiest finishers around, I'm sure it won't be long until the ultra bland WWE bans it.
The first video shows how it looks, and it's good because it's against the very dull John Cena!
The second shows when it doesn't quite go according to plan...
I can barely remember what happened on the last iMPACT, there's no storylines I actually give a fuck about. What I do know is, Angle ought to be wrestling Wolfe at the PPV according to his fighting-the-top-ten-one-by-one angle. I want to see this feud kick off tonight, and immediately get heated and nasty. And I want to see them start the show with an actual wrestling match. They managed it last week (basically), so they can do it this week too.
0:21 - Oh yeah, Abyss went mental, now I remember...it'll be 'Why, Sting Abyss, Why?' week for sure 1:11 - Fuck, here comes Hogan :( I was hoping for a match. iMPACTs that are Hogan/Bischoff heavy are usually shite...I can feel the interest draining from my body by the second. 3:00 - Oh shut up and get to the point, Hogan. 3:42 - Four way at the PPV. Will be shit. 4:27 - FUCK YEAH ABYSS FUCK HIM UP 4:39 - And with his old entrance music too :D 5:52 - Why, Sting Abyss, Why? 7:13 - I don't know who 'they' are...the last 'they' was Hall and Pac and we all know how that turned out, so I'm not hugely optimistic about what's gonna happen when 'they' get here. 8:46 - Abyss heel turn :) He's finally the Monster again, not the friendly fucking giant... 9:26 - Abyss feeding Hogan his own ring...weird but kinda hilarious 10:25 - Ugh, RVD always shows up when something good is about to happen and ruins it 13:05 - OH GREAT HOGAN TALKING TO BISCHOFF, THIS IS WAY BETTER THAN A WRESTLING MATCH 14:52 - Knockouts - not fast forwarding 20:05 - That was a lot worse than last week's match - shoulda fast forwarded 21:17 - I have no idea who Lethal is talking to - American celeb or something? 23:37 - I wanna see Joe run in and fuck this dude up 24:35 - Come on, Joe...Morgan's annoying me 26:10 - Joe didn't kill him :( 26:23 - Homicide is going to die 27:14 - Yup, dead 28:06 - Finally, a proper match...only took half an hour. Kaz v Lethal, could be awesome 32:13 - Oh, it was Lethal's brother earlier...now getting battered by Flair and AJ...looks like they're actually bothering to build a decent angle around the shitty match they have booked for the PPV... 33:12 - Nice reversal to that low blow :) This match is pretty decent for iMPACT 34:38 - Cool match, as usual for iMPACT was way too short, but what they did have was good 36:04 - FFS, Sting v Jarrett again...I hope there's another pre-match battering 37:05 - Damn, looks like he'll make it to the ring safe and sound 37:45 - Bet this match gets more than 5 minutes, unlike any other two wrestlers on the roster 39:05 - I'm sure this exact same shit happened like 2 months ago 40:22 - How the hell did Jarrett not see Sting, clearly standing in the corner of the ring? Still, new twist on 'Jarrett goes up to the rafters after Sting' 42:02 - Cool 'match', more of a promo really...and under 5 minutes too :) I hope the rest of the show is a 40 minute long triple threat match between Joe, Wolfe and Angle, though. 44:01 - IT BEGINS 45:13 - Why the fuck is Chelsea still with Wolfe? This angle is fucking stupid, she can just leave whenever she wants, she doesn't want to be there, so what's the point of her being there? 46:29 - Wait, so the #9 contenders match is on iMPACT with no fanfare whatsoever? WHAT THE FUCK TNA, this should be the biggest match on your fucking PPV, WHAT THE CHRIST ARE YOU DOING? I can only assume that Wolfe will win by DQ or something to kick-start the feud, this cannot be the whole thing. 46:50 - And the commentators are more interested in Abyss than the fucking match...I feel like I'm taking crazy pills over here 49:45 - Wolfe's clearly got something in his elbow pad...not sure if it's a weapon or if he's gonna blade 53:57 - Ok, that was pretty good...but I can't believe that's the whole thing. Bullshit. I was looking forward to possibly feud of the year, and it's a one-shot throwaway match on iMPACT with no drama and no reason to care whatsoever. 56:52 - Doug's on the mic and I'm too pissed off about Angle v Wolfe to even care :( Sorry, Doug. 60:28 - Ultimate X and I don't even care :( 61:05 - Abyss promo, and I don't even care :( 62:38 - Shannon fighting Bubba, and I don't even care :( 63:34 - Tag Team semi finals match and I don't even care :( 65:57 - Tommy Dreamer, and I don't even care. I don't care about Raven either. I have to admit, however, that Stevie Richards' presence raises my spirits slightly. 67:05 - Jesse finally shows up :) 66:51 - How much cooler would it have been if TNA had hired Bryan Danielson instead of Dreamer, Raven and Richards? 70:00 - Beer Money get a title shot, and I don't even care :( 71:10 - AJ talking to Kaz and I really don't care. 72:07 - Shitty main event coming up, and I don't even care :( Abyss is going to have to actually decapitate Anderson to get me interested in this, I think. 81:28 - Match over, nothing decent happened - or maybe I was just too pissed off to enjoy it...either way, I was yawning through most of it 83:52 - Exact same ending two weeks in a row.
Wasn't a bad iMPACT, but the way they dealt with Angle v Wolfe was bullshit. When they had their poll, the fans overwhelmingly voted for Wolfe, so clearly this could have been built up into a massive PPV match, but instead it just happened and was over with no build up or anything. Such a fucking waste that the rest of the show was ruined.
TNA have given me no reason to tune in next week at all. There's no ongoing feuds that I actually care about that were advanced in any way this week, all of the matches were short and below TNA's pre-Hogan standards, they're pissing all of their talent up a wall and putting people that nobody gives a fuck about (according to TNA's own poll) main event spots ahead of popular wrestlers that people want to see. In fact, the only decent thing TNA are doing right now in my eyes are the Angle angle (so far it's been good overall, even if this week's development was a piece of shit), the tension in 3D because of Bubba's attacks on Jesse, and Jay Lethal finally getting some airtime. Everything else could have been edited out, and nothing of value would have been lost.
If you were born in the 80s you were probably a fan of the Ghostbusters film. You probably watched 'the Real Ghostbusters' cartoon. You may have had the Ghostbusters game on your Atari 2600. 80s nostalgia, Sinclair C5's, Duran Duran, Soda Streams, Corey Feldman... the 80s! Wooo! People dressed funny and popular culture was different. Anyway, getting sidetracked.
My next nomination for the greatest move ever is Koko B. Ware's finisher, the Ghostbuster. Imagine a suplex gone wrong... this is the move. Koko takes his victim up to a vertical suplex and then... check the video at around 3mins 50secs:
I haven't done one of these for a while, but I just couldn't resist this one. Before Hell in a Cell, before Lethal Lockdown, we had the Chamber of Horrors. The basic idea is that two four-man teams enter the cage and to win the match you have to put one of your opponents in an electric chair which is lowered from the ceiling. This 'Chair of Torture' is activated by a 'Fatal Lever', which gets accidently pushed (nothing happens) and nothing is made of it. The match consisted of Sting's Team Vs Cactus Jack's Team. Sting's Team consisted of Sting, El Gigante, Rick and Scott Steiner. Cactus Jack's Team consisted of Cactus Jack, Abdullah the Butcher, The Diamond Stud, and Big Van Vader.
With caskets, ref cams and a cage with a roof, this match could be seen as quite innovative... unfortunately it was just daft.
This has to be the funniest promo in TNA history, I nearly wet my pants I was laughing so much. Nature Boy Jay Lethal and Flair in a war of words, it doesn't come any better than this!
Watch it once, then play it back with your eyes closed, the impression really is quite uncanny.
The birth of Anderson's Assholes has to get the nomination for on of best promo of the year thus far. This was on the cusp of Anderson's face turn at Sacrifice, I alluded to it in my original review, but could not get hold of a video, so here it is:
I was discussing the recent 'I Quit' match at WWE's Over the Limit with Ric Flair's Bleeding Forehead earlier today and we both came to conclusion that it was not a great 'I Quit' match and made both Batista and Cena look like pussies.
If anyone has ever seen Beyond the Mat, you will be familiar with how far Foley pushed his body in this match, and what a match it was.
Damn, this is what an 'I Quit; match should be like, this is what a good crowd sounds like and this is what Jerry Lawler should sound like.
WWE has waned in popularity in reent years as they have toned down the violence and adult themes of the show, meanwhile, older fans have turned to MMA (UFC 111 had more buys than Wrestlemania 26 which were shown on the same weekend). The fact is that there aren't that many people over the age of 25 who are convinced by Cena, and damn it, they want to see violence. Anyway, lets take a look at this great match between the Rock and Mankind, and then compare with Cena versus Batista....
I was thinking the other day about how great Abdul Bashir was in TNA. Positioned primarily as the generic Arab heel, his promos and in-ring ability were completely underrated.
His promos made for uncorfortable and confrontational viewing, in which Bashir tried to challenge some of the fans' learnt assumptions... only to be drowned out by jingoistic chants of "USA USA USA". What made Bashir so interesting was by the fact that he did not profess to hate America, but hate the way in which Muslims were portrayed since 9/11. Arguably, he trod a fine line where one could argue that though he was raising some interesting points relating to the perception of Muslims with in the US, the ambivalent nature of Bashir's character only served to confound the issues.
At points he comes across as articulate and politically aware, but a moment later will resemble a rambling extremist. But I was drawn to this character primarily because of the ambivilence and inconsistancy.
I loved it when he'd go up against someone likfe Consequences Creed (with his Stars and Stripes trunks and cape) and perform moves like his 'Weapon of Mass Destruction'. Anyway, enjoy:
We all know that piledrivers are nasty; hell, Stone Cold and Chyna both had their careers cut short because of them. When it comes to the nastiest looking piledriver of them all, it has to be Kevin Steen's Package Piledriver. Not sure whether this counts as one of the greatest moves, but it's certainly one of the most brutal.
After watching this week's Raw and the Fatal 4 Way PPV, I have been left wandering why the hell I even what WWE anymore. Maybe I'm turning into one of those people who tell you that music in the 60s was better than it is now, because WWF/E used to put on some awesome matches. Then I think about some of the matches that TNA/ROH/PWG are putting out at the moment, and then I realise I'm not being nostalgic, some of the best matches I've ever seen have happened over the past 5 years, it's just WWE that has gone shit. I think it was the screwjob of Danielson on NXT, and then firing him for working an angle which has pushed WWE over the line for me. Of course, when the kids are chanting 'we love Cena' at any house show they can, when they're the ones buying the merchandise and pestering their mums and dads for them to buy the next PPV, you can see why dumbing down is seen as a good business decision. Shame.
Anyway, I'm coming across as one of those bitter people who rant about stuff they haven't a clue about on the internet, and I'm really not. Just to prove it I'm going to share one of my favourite matches. Now if you're a new WWE fan, you might not like it, but this will be because you're not used to watching decent wrestling. Any fan over the age of 25 will have fond memories of wrestling in the 890s, and most of the time it is just nostalgia talking, but Shawn Michaels versus Razor Ramone at Summerslam 95 is awesome, and set the groundwork for pro-wrestling since.
It's weird watching this match again and realizing that Scott Hall didn't always waddle to ring or get out of breath when climbing into the ring. Anyway, enjoy!
With one of the worst titled pay per views I think I’ve ever heard, Fatal Four Way could easily be mistaken for the name of a gay porn film. This was an odd pay per view, the crowd throughout was flat and the matches were pretty mediocre.
The first match was Kofi Kingston versus Drew McIntyre for the Intercontinental title. This match was give far too much time, it was 17 minutes long, but felt like longer. Before the match began McIntyre called Teddy Long out to, erm, sit on a chair and watch the match so he would be there to present the title when McIntyre won. There were some pretty decent spots throughout the match, but nothing mind-blowing. The match culminated in a ref bump, with McIntyre in a position for a clean win. I learnt something watching this match which I did not realise previously: if you are a general manager, you have no referring privileges. However, if a referee shirt is forced on you, then suddenly you do. I hate to say it, but what the fuck? So with Kofi pinned, Long went in for the dramatic count... one... two... and he stopped, he just couldn’t tap three. Matt Hardy then did a run-in a knocked McIntyre down with a Twist of Fate to allow Kofi to get the win and retain the title. It seems odd though that a babyface would need the combination of a ref bump, a corrupt pin-count and a run-in to get the win... hmm...
Next up was a Divas match, fast forward...
Then we had a match between Evan Bourne and Chris Jericho, which for me was the match of the night. I’m pretty sure that over the last few weeks on Raw there wasn’t any mention or build up to this match whatsoever. When it comes to the WWE wrestlers, there aren’t that many who I particularly rate, but I think Evan Bourne is awesome in the ring and has a lot of potential. The match was as expected from these two, with Bourne doing a lot of high-flying moves and Jericho keeping him grounded for moves like the Boston Crab, erm, sorry, Walls of Jericho. Bourne pulled of his Air Bourne (geddit?) move, which is a 520 degree summersault to a splash, which Jericho countered with the Code Breaker (that looked pretty cool). The match was won when Bourne did his Air Bourne onto Jericho’s back for the pin. I’m hoping that this victory marks the start of a push for Bourne, who has spent most of WWE career on low-mid card slots. This was also one of the few matches of the night where the crowd actually reacted to what was going on in the ring.
Next up was the four-way match-up between CM Punk, Big Show, Rey Mysterio and Jack Swagger. This wasn’t a great match, but I was surprised by the result. With the push that Big Show had been getting of late, this seemed to be the obvious winner... I was wrong. The match was a pretty run-of-the-mill four-way match with most of wrestlers attempting stop each other getting the pin. The only cool move in this one was a three way suplex between Swagger, Punk and Big Show. Swagger looked out of his depth in this match though, falling down before getting hit, missing timings, etc. The match was interrupted by Kane, who brought out a coffin for some reason and tried to put Punk in it, but was stopped by Luke Gallows... which was odd, especially as nothing further came of it, all it did was keep Punk out of the ring for the finale. To end the match Mysterio got the 619 and a splash on Swagger to get the pin. I didn’t expect this, so even though it was a piss-poor match, at least I was surprised by the result.
Up next was the Miz versus R Truth for the American title. Miz came out and did a rap over Truth’s theme, which was hilarious, not because the lyrics were funny, but because Miz blatantly forgot his lines and just stood staring at the camera blankly for what seemed like an eternity before doing his ‘I’m awesome’ line... which of course, he isn’t. This match was a stinker, and the crowd we chanting ‘this is boring’...ouch! R Truth reminds me of the Ultimate Warrior, he’s got a great entrance, but once the wrestling starts people realise he’s not so great. The match was about 15 minutes long, and Miz and Truth had no chemistry in the ring, this was horrible to watch. Miz retained his title and no one cared.
Throughout the night, we had promos about the NXT guys maybe coming in and the WWE stars being ready for them, so as the final match arrived (a four way between Cena, Sheamus, Edge and Orton) you kind of knew what was coming. Again this match sucked. The NXT people came out and did exactly what they did when this angle first started and beat on Cena. I know I’ve not written anything about this angle, mainly because I wanted to see how it played out after the Danielson sacking, but when it first happened it was exciting and it was Danielson that made it with spitting in Cena’s face... but alas! The angle quickly became boring. But with all the chaos and the fact that the match was no-DQ, Sheamus jumped in a got the pin so he’s now the champion. What became apparent is that the WWE writers haven’t got a fucking clue how to develop this angle with the NXT guys, which is a shame, because it had so much promise. Just because the WWE has watered-down the violence, do they really need to do the same thing with story lines? Grrr... I’m finding WWE incredibly tedious to watch at the moment.
So with the PPV running ½ hour short of the usual, and with the bad bad matches and lame storytelling, you can’t help but feel a little short-changed. In the UK, we get most of the WWE PPVs except the big four on Sky Sports, so I feel really sorry for the American fans who’ve had to fork out for this inferior bullshit. This could well be the worst PPV I’ve seen from WWE.
I was looking for some Tajiri stuff for the 'Greatest Moves of All Time' series we've got going on here, and I came across this gem...it's a match from way back when RVD was actually pretty good. This is a throwaway WWF match from round about the time of the ECW invasion angle, albeit for the Hardcore title which RVD held, but RVD puts on a much better performance than anything he's done in TNA.
The whole match is worth watching, but the bit you'll like starts at 1:55...
There have been some pretty good suplexes as finishers over the years, Mr. Perfect's Perfect plex is one of them for instance. However, the best suplex I have seen for a long time belongs to Douglas Williams - The Chaos Theory. This is a rolling German Suplex which just looks better every time I see it!
Back in the Eighties, Moonsaults and DDTs were seen as pretty intense moves, now they are ten-a-penny. This being said, check out Jack Evan's Moonsault DDT, this move is awesome.
The quality of iMPACT has been extremely inconsistant lately - it seems to go from being pretty damn good one week to utter shite the next. All I'm really hoping for this week is that the Angle vs Joe feud starts as it means to go on - hi-octane, and dripping with blood.
And please start with wrestling this week TNA! Just this once, let's not have someone who's paid to WRESTLE get on a microphone and start yammering on. If people want to see talking, they'll watch the news. Nobody would be impressed if Peter Sissons put Trevor McDonald in a submission hold during the 10 O'Clock News, and nobody gives a fuck about people talking during iMPACT. That's just how it is. Fucking get over it and start with a fucking match!
1:33 - JESUS FUCK, not only is it talking, IT'S FUCKING BISCHOFF FUCKING TALKING AAAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHH JUST FUCK OFF AND DIE 1:52 - Wow, they stripped The Band of the titles because of the thing with Hall - for those of you that don't know, he got drunk and belligerent in a bar, they put him in a taxi home but he went mental in the taxi, punched out one of the windows then got aggressive with the police when they showed up and wound up getting arrested. I think it's fair to start with an announcement on that one to be honest. 2:20 - Cool, straight into a match for once :D 2:42 - I'm not sure why The Band are in the running for the belts they just got stripped of...I guess it's just Nash and Young now. Kinda makes the whole 'band' gimmick a bit pointless... 3:37 - Let's go Jesse! Although Bubba'll blatantly screw them and the Band will advance... 4:33 - Christ, Abyss v Hardy v Anderson :( What a shitty main event 9:47 - FUCK YEAH Jesse goes through :D I love how I just see Moore as wallpaper to Jesse's tag team run haha 11:53 - Damn, I was hoping for Jay 12:49 - This Chelsea and Abyss thing just got fucking retarded 14:21 - New stable...cool :) Hope this meens Beer Money won't be jobbers any more, I liked them when they were good 17:25 - Jay is on top form tonight :D 20:57 - How the hell is anyone keeping a straight face right now...this is fucking hilarious 23:20 - Desmond v Lethal - awesome :D I hope Wolfe wins for once... 27:57 - I wonder who Hernandez is gonna squash this week 25:18 - IT'S FUCKING JOE FUCK HIM UP JOE 25:40 - YOU ARE FUCKING DEAD HERNANDEZ 29:37 - That was going great until Morgan got involved...fucking TNA. 30:07 - Haha, Morgan's a dead man 30:30 - Damn, escaped :( 32:13 - Yay, Douggie 33:42 - Doug v Max Buck...cool, I love Generation Me...wish they had more TV time 36:32 - Fucking nice Diamond Dust...you don't see that very often, it's a great move 39:37 - Sigh, more Jarrett and Sting :/ 39:58 - Wow, those action figures look like absolute shite...kinda amusing to see Suicide there because they made the toy before he became Kaz again 41:04 - Cool, Angelina :) I like her...kind of a coin toss whether to skip the Lacey match, she sucks. She's hot as all hell though. Ah, fuck it, I'll watch. 43:24 - How the hell do you nail a backflip from the middle rope no problem, then fuck up a drop toe hold? Surely the backflip is like a million times harder? 45:22 - That was actually pretty good...maybe I'll stop fast forwarding for a few weeks, Angelina is awesome though so it might just be because it was her. 48:02 - I reckon Abyss'll win the 3-way, I kinda hope so because I like Jeff and Anderson as a tag team but I kinda hope not because I don't think Abyss really deserves a title shot right now... 49:48 - 3D v Beer Money :D They've had some great matches, so this could be promising. 56:18 - 3D had it won - I really hope this doesn't end up with 3D splitting up. 57:01 - Ah, damn it...why the fuck is Chelsea at ringside...she's blatantly going to screw Wolfe. This could have been a great match...third match of the night ruined by a fucking screwjob. 58:09 - Dreamer's here :D 59:39 - Ok, she's gone...game on 60:09 - Oh for fuck's sake...why do they keep shitting on Wolfe? He's one of their best talents and they use him as a fucking jobber...it should be Wolfe, Joe and Angle as the top 3 guys 62:51 - Holy shit, did Hogan just say something I actually agree with?! "TNA is on fire right now because of guys like Jay Lethal". Damn straight, so take the belt off RVD and put it on someone who fucking matters! 64:35 - Flair v Lethal at the PPV?? What the christ? This will be a terrible, terrible match. 65:40 - MOTHER FUCK JOE IS AT 6 IN THE FUCKING RANKINGS, I WANTED JOE v ANGLE THIS FUCKING MONTH GOD FUCKING DAMN IT 65:31 - Although, on the other hand - OH MY FUCKING GOD WOLFE v ANGLE I CAN'T FUCKING WAIT THIS IS GOING TO BE FUCKING AWESOME 66:23 - Fuck him up, Stinger! 72:23 - Didn't happen :( 73:37 - I really miss Abyss' old theme tune. And gimmick. 74:34 - The main event is starting and there's over 10 minutes on the clock...this will be the longest main event in months 79:20 - Triple countout? Utter fucking bullshit. 81:10 - Abyss seems to have gone mental :D This is the Abyss we love...I hope Tommy comes to the rescue and feuds him...I hope RVD keeps his fucking nose out 83:09 - Holy shit, Black Hole Slam on the broken glass...fuck yeah Abyss 84:42 - Fuck yeah, chokeslam off the stage :D 85:00 - Here comes Hogan - fuck him up Abyss!
Pretty cool iMPACT this week, a lot of potentially great matches ruined by screwjobs but much better than recent weeks anyway.
Before Beer Money, James Storm, alongside Chris Harris, was one half of one of the greatest tag teams in TNA history: America's Most Wanted. These guys had great chemistry and they looked like bad asses. Today I want to share one of their best matches, a cage match against Triple X (Elix Skipper and Christopher Daniels). The stipulation for the match was that the losers of this match would have to disband. Enjoy!
I've been thinking about those moves in wrestling which just make you gasp and say a swear. And fuck me, this is one of them. Petey Williams' Canadian Destroyer was probably the first move that came to mind when I thought about this set of features. Would love to see what some of the other writers make of this and some of their own favourites (hint hint) and maybe compile a greatest wrestling moves ever list... anyway, here it is.
As you can see, it is a kind of fucked up flip into a pile-driver. It's the type of move that if done wrong could probably kill someone. Especially if said move was done, say, through a ladder...
Now repeat after me: 'Holy Shit! Holy Shit! Holy Shit!'
I've made no secret of the fact that I think that Abyss is a waddling fat fuck who doesn't deserve to be given the push that he is at the moment. But, there was a time when Abyss was in shape and put on a decent match. The match I want to share with you today is a great cage match with one of the most brutal ref bumps I think I've ever seen. It just goes to show how bad Abyss is today. Maybe its because he's a face, or maybe because he's now 'in excess' of 350 pounds, who knows?
Anyway, enjoy:
I'm doped up on antiarrhythmic medication right now so this might not make any sense...but anyway, here we go:
3:20 - Starting with a match! Awesome. Why the christ can't they do this on iMPACT? 4:00 - Kurt v Kaz. This'll be great. 19:39 - Awesome match, Kurt was as good as ever, Kaz made a pretty good showing of himself too, I was shocked when he kicked out of the Angle Slam...great way to start a PPV :D 22:28 - 2 matches in a row with no bullshit talking in between? They should do this every week, this is awesome... 27:46 - Kendrik v Doug is really good too - I'm surprised to see Kendrick trying to outwrestle Doug. 28:28 - I just looked at a man's arse to find out whether you spell his name with a 'c' or not...that's a new low. 34:44 - Nice win by Douggie - I'm loving his title run. 1-0 England...although I'm pretty sure Wolfe is gonna make it 1-1. Or rather, I'm pretty sure Chelsea is gonna make it 1-1... 37:05 - Knockouts - fast forwarding 49:21 - Sweet, Jesse v Bubba :D 52:11 - Bubba on the mic - he's one of the best in the world at this 62:04 - HOLY FUCKING SHIT IT'S TOMMY FUCKING DREAMER 63:05 - I can't believe Jesse won...I can't believe Dreamer's in TNA... 67:54 - Morgan v Hernandez - This could be anything from utter shite to pretty damn good... 79:14 - Yeah, not great - epic ref bump though 83:58 - I don't have high hopes for this match...last time Wolfe and Abyss hooked up it was awful, I don't think making it a Monster's Ball is gonna make it any better...plus, Chelsea is blatantly gonna screw Wolfe :( 85:17 - Barbed wire board looks fun though 87:53 - Barbed wire teddy bear - WTF 90:21 - Ok, I was wrong - this is pretty damn good 92:01 - Holy shit, powerbomb onto the barbed wire board 93:49 - Face first into the broken glass...damn, this is nasty :D 95:25 - That was way better than I thought it'd be...ending was predictable though 98:03 - Liking RVD's Iron Man tights 100:25 - Woop woop, here comes AJ v Lethal...this match is gonna kill 120:17 - Not as great as I thought it'd be, but it was still pretty damn good...really cool to see Lethal getting a push after all this time, a clean win over AJ is pretty big. 123:16 - I really hope Sting beats RVD...won't happen though 124:49 - Hardy/Anderson v Beer Money...I don't have high hopes for this one either 138:31 - This is a lot better than I thought it'd be...Both Hardy and Anderson seem a lot better as tag wrestlers than singles. 145:00 - That was a really cool tag match...Hardy and Anderson are kinda like Storm and Roode, neither are exactly my favourite on their own, but together they're really good. 152:58 - I'm actually kinda excited for this match :O 153:53 - I really like RVD's ring gear tonight. 154:23 - Van Crushinator...VAN ASSASINATOR 166:22 - Ref bump - new champ plz 166:53 - And here comes fucking Jarrett to ruin it :( 168:49 - Fucking RVD is still champ :( Fuck this company 169:35 - I think that was probably the best RVD match I've seen since he's been in TNA
That was an ok PPV, started very strong, then fizzled out a little but it was still pretty good. I'm not sure what's going to happen on iMPACT, I can't think of anything that I really want to see the next stage of - they seemed to tie up all the loose ends, anything that follows on from the PPV is gonna feel forced as hell. Except Wolfe/Chelsea, but seriously, who gives a fuck about Chelsea? Is anyone in the fucking world interested in what happens next with her?
After 23 days in the wilderness, I’m back. So let’s not waste time and get to the review of TNA’s Slammiversary VIII. Before watching the PPV I caught up on the Impacts from the past three weeks and was surprised by the low key build-up for many of the matches, oh apart from Hardy/Anderson teaming up and the ‘Why Sting, why?’ angle still being as funny as hell. Why Sting, why?
The first match of the evening was a welcome surprise, but one, which upon reflection, fits in perfectly with Angle starting at the bottom (well, number 11) of the TNA top 10 rankings. TNA and consistent storylines don’t usually happen, so I’m interested to see how this one pans out. Anyway, in the opening match we had Kazarian and Kurt Angle. This is how a PPV or an episode of Impact should open, with a decent match. Of course, the match was so good that it probably made the rest of the show not look as good. The crowd intensity peaked during this match, so the rest of the event was just a little bit quieter (but thank God, throughout the first match one shrill scream could be heard throughout the match, which was most disconcerting, whoever that screaming woman was, would you please shut the fuck up in future?). What made me laugh was when the fans were chanting ‘USA USA USA’; who was that for exactly? Angle, who’s American or Kaz, who also happens to be an American? Give yourselves a pat on the back for that one.
There were some pretty awesome moves during this one, with Kaz having the upperhand early on even getting Angle with the Ulmari driver (that reverse tombstone thing), which with Angle’s neck the way it is, was pretty nasty. Angle beat Kaz with the ankle lock and moved up in the rankings.
Next up was Brian Kendrick versus Doug Williams for the X Division title. This match had been set up with Williams being against the high-flying style of the X-Division. Which is why Kendrick (also a heel, I might add) spent most of the match brawling in the ring with Douglas. Douglas then finished the match with one of the most uncomfortable and least graceful Tornado DDTs I think I’ve ever seen. With Kendrick grounded, the storyline just didn’t make a lot of sense, and with Kendrick avoiding the mic like someone’s offering him a poo to smell the match had little build-up. The only thing I learnt through Impact is that Kendrick is a psycho.... just like Nailz... Instead of Kendrick, they should have had Amazing Red, at least the disparity in styles would have been more pronounced and the crowd would have given a shit. Overall though, not a bad match
Next we had a bit with Eric Bischoff asking ‘Why Sting, why?’ Yawn. He then went on to talk about how great Rob Van Dam is. Yawn. Bischoff makes a great heel, but when he’s a babyface he is completely boring. If TNA need to have Eric Bischoff (which they don’t), then bring back Sleazy E, at least that way he’ll be vaguely entertaining.
Next up was Roxxi versus Madison Rayne for the Knockouts title. I must have been in the mood for self-flagellation because I knew this was going to be a stinker, but watched it anyway to see how bad it would be. The match began with Madison coming to the ring and takes the mic, she starts moaning to Roxxi that she has everything to lost and Roxxi has everything to gain, clearly not realising defending a title is meant to work. The match becomes a title versus career match, and as Roxxi was agreeing, Madion smacked her in the head with the mic and busted he wide open. It looked like a blade job, but it wasn’t. What it confirmed was that Roxxi is actually the daughter of Ric Flair, because no one else bleeds like that. Madison won, but when it comes to it, the Knockouts division is a joke now (they bring in a fat stripper, but ignore Hamada and Sarita, what the fuck?) and when it comes to it Roxxi’s been in about three matches this year, so she hadn’t exactly made waves on TNA. Not quite the stinker I thought it would be, but still a pretty poor match.
Next up was Brother Ray versus Jesse Neal in a Teacher versus Student match. This storyline from the beginning struck me a being weak and made Brother Ray look like a bit of a dick. Anyway, the match began with Brother Ray taking to the mic and apologising for being an arse candle and there were hugs all round. Just in case you forgot, this is a PPV, use the build up to cut promos... for fuck’s sake... but wait! Shock upon shock! It was all a ruse. Brother Ray socked Jesse on the head and threw him about 10 foot to the other side of the ring... much better, can we have some wrestling now please? The match played out like a squash match with Brother Ray beating on Jesse throughout. But then, I think we had the earth-shattering arrival of... Tommy Dreamer? Now don’t get me wrong, Tommy Dreamer was great, but that was over a decade ago. Also, he was retired by Zack Ryder (yes, the Raw jobber who’s still yet to win a match on Raw), which doesn’t exactly make him look like the most dominant of wrestlers. Hopefully his role will be similar to what Shane Douglas’s was back in the early days of TNA, or maybe he’ll bring Taz out of retirement. But honestly, I can’t see where he would fit in an already top-heavy roster. Anyway, with the distraction of Dreamer appearing in the crowd, Jesse took Brother Ray down with a spear for the pin. Pretty mediocre match.
Next up was Hernandez versus Matt Morgan, which was one of the few matches on this PPV I was excited about. The match began with Morgan coming out in his normal clothes, wearing a neck brace and selling a neck injury. He comes to the ring and, because this is a PPV, takes the mic to cut a promo. He handed the ref a doctor’s note which said he could not ‘perform’ (don’t say that, people will find out that wrestling’s fake!). As he walked away from the ring Hernandez arrived and threw him into the ring. Two matches in a row and two attempted swerves... don’t use the same gimmick two matches running. Anyway, the match was pretty evenly matched most of the way through with Hernandez working on Morgan’s neck and then Morgan going to work on Supermex’s shoulder. With months of aggression building up in Hernandez in his bid to get revenge over Morgan, how did the match end? With Supermex getting DQed for throwing the ref, I’m not even kidding. The brawling continued until the referee tried to stand in front of a kick and go smacked in the chest. This match was pretty disappointing and had a pointless ending. Let’s hope that Supermex reforms LAX again.
Next up was an interview with Hulk Hogan who was asking ‘Why Sting, why?’ Complaining that Sting had crossed the line (which is what I thought TNA was all about: their tagline is ‘Cross the Line’ for fuck’s sake, but of course Hogan wouldn’t know that because he’s only in it for his own ego). Hogan then went on to talk about ‘the code of ethics’ wrestlers have and that they shouldn’t destroy other wrestler’s careers. Now I’m not one to split hairs here, but hasn’t Hogan been cited by numerous sources as one of the main reasons for the fall of WCW and why many young wrestlers in WCW did not get a push? Anyway...
Next up was Abyss versus Desmond Wolfe in a Monster’s Ball match. Though you might to know it, Desmond Wolfe is one of the best technical wrestlers in TNA, if not the industry (watch some of his matches with Kurt Angle or Bryan Danielson on YouTube to see what I mean), so what do TNA do with such a gifted talent? They get him to hit Abyss over the head with a kendo stick a few times. These type of matches had their place about 10-15 years ago, but they just piss me off now. Why TNA still insists on these is beyond me. Abyss took some pretty hard shots with bin lids and a kendo stick and gets cut up with a board wrapped in barbed wire. It seemed odd that TNA would couple a hardcore match with a goofy ‘Beauty and the Beast’ style storyline. I’ve got to admit that I nearly pissed myself laughing when Desmond Wolfe pulled a teddy bear, wrapped in barbed wire, out of one of the bins. Hardcore! The match came to a climax and Wolfe wanted his brass knuckles from Chelsea (not realising that the ring was scattered with other potential sources of injury for Abyss). But... Shock upon shock! Chelsea gave the knuckles to Abyss who socked Wolfe and put him in a Black Hole Slam and getting the pin. Chelsea was stood, barbed-wired teddy bear in hand, aww... At this point I was expecting an anthropomorphic teapot to start a chorus with the teddy bear, singing a song about beauty being more than skin-deep or something. This match was just stupid... though I’m looking forward to the Match made in Heaven between Abyss and Chelsea booked for the next PPV... maybe...
Next up was, for me, one of the highlights of the PPV, Jay Lethal versus AJ. I’m really glad to see Lethal getting a push, he’s still got his comedy stuff, but now he’s himself which is great. I thought his entrance theme sucked donkey anus. I know they’ve dropped the Black Machismo gimmick, but they really needn’t have given him some generic rock music. Would have been funnier, even if it was for the short-term, for Lethal to come out to Flair’s theme, or at least a reworking of it, but what do I know?
The match was really good, and saw Lethal and AJ at their best. For some reason though, the crowd was a bit flat, maybe they’d yawned themselves to sleep with the Beauty and the Beast match? Lots of Flair-style chops and figure-four leg locks throughout. AJ even gave a nod to one of the other Horsemen, Arn Anderson, with a pretty nasty looking brain buster on Lethal. Wrestlers should watch this match to learn how to sell. With Lethal working on AJ’s knee we had AJ limping around a bit, then when it looked like AJ was going to suddenly forget about his injury and go up-top, his knee went from under him on the second rope. This is such a small detail, but one which certain wrestlers could learn from *cough* ROB VAN DAM *cough*. Lethal won with the pin... a very good match.
At the end of the match we saw a bit of a dressing down on AJ by Flair, and Kaz came out to calm him down. Flair reminded of the character Pop from League of Gentlemen when he finds out that his son was robbed:
I was hoping at this point in the match that Kaz would start kicking the shit out of AJ, but alas, he took Flair away and we are left with hints of a feud between Kaz and AJ which could be pretty cool.
Next up was the match between Hardy/Anderson, sorry, the Enigmatic Assholes, and Beer Money. Even though they’d spent far too much time hyping this match up on Impact, I had completely forgotten about it by the time it came on. On the whole, this wasn’t a bad match; it was just a bit dull. Beer Money lost, and nobody cared.
Finally, we had the main event Rob van Dam versus Sting. I really wanted to see RVD get beaten to a pulp with a baseball bat, but it wasn’t my night. Unsurprisingly RVD won. Unsurprisingly RVD didn’t sell or display any in-ring psychology. Unsurprisingly, Rob Van Dam did that thing with his arms to get people to chant his initials at every available opportunity. Unsurprisingly, Van Dam did the same spots he was doing over a decade ago. Unsurprisingly, there was a ref bump and a run-in by Jarrett. Unsurprisingly, the match was unsurprising. The amount of times I groaned and tutted during this match made me sound like I was speaking some weird African dialect.
I’m now officially sick of RVD. He got handed the championship and he’s a boring egomaniac. TNA have always bumped ex-WWE wrestlers to the top of their roster without realising that it is damaging for them in the long-run. TNA are doing the right thing with Jay Lethal, letting him find his feet then putting him over when he was ready. Rob Van Dam is not Mr TNA, at the moment, that would go to AJ, or Lethal, or Kaz, or whoever really. If TNA ever want to compete with WWE on a serious level, they need to put their own home grown talent above the ex-WWEers, otherwise they’ll always be seen as the company that repackages the WWE rejects. One of the reasons that WCW failed was because they didn’t spend enough time building up their own talent. The WWE spends time building characters up. Look at Steve Austin, who was the Ring Master when he came to WWE, or Reverend Batista, or Johnny Nitro, or Rocky Maivia, or Hunter Hirst Helmsley... you get the picture.
Ahh, it’s good to be back at the helm of the good ship Socko...
This had better be good, I'm missing the World Cup to watch this - if it's as bad as last week's I'll probably just skip it.
3:21 - Christ, talking again...start with a fucking match ffs! 11:10 - If RVD runs in and makes a save, I won't be happy. Hardy either for that matter. 11:34 - And there's Hardy. FFS. 13:15 - Wow, only 13 minutes before the first match of the night... 27:10 - Seems much better this week...I'm looking forward to the Jesse v Bubba match 28:03 - They're showing the Sting v Jarrett match again - I could watch it every week :) 33:01 - Oh yay, more talking... 35:00 - Hernandez is back? Sweet :D 39:35 - Best tag match ever - one team fighting themselves. 42:29 - Another classic Band victory over Matt Morgan :) 45:48 - FUCK YEAH ANGLE - who's he fighting? 47:47 - HOLY SHIT Angle v Red - Talk about a fucking dream match, this should be the PPV 52:24 - Pretty good match, kinda short but they always seem to be on iMPACT nowadays. I'd love a PPV rematch. 53:33 - I'm liking Sting's new direction. 57:45 - The Slammiversary lineup looks great, except no Joe, as well as Abyss v Wolfe 2...Simple solution, Wolfe v Joe :) 59:31 - The 8 man tag...not particularly interested in this. The main events lately have been pretty lame. 60:58 - Just realised, no Knockouts whatsoever this week - nice :) 69:43 - This match is actually pretty neat 81:07 - Not a bad iMPACT, I'm not exactly pumped for the PPV though - all I'm looking forward to is Angle v Kaz, AJ v Lethal and Bubba v Jesse...
Anyway, we got beer, we got pizza, LET'S FUCKING DO THIS!
1:47 - AJ, Lethal and Kaz 3-way - awesome :D 2:24 - God fucking damn it, starting with talking AGAIN. I want wrestling! That's why I fucking tuned in! 7:53 - Eric Bischoff: "We put these fans first" - booing and laughter from the crowd 8:16 - FUCK YEAH JOE FUCK HIM UP 9:18 - NO FUCK OFF JOE DOESN'T NEED ROB VAN DAM TO HELP HIM OUT! FUCK YOU TNA! 9:33 - I really hope Joe smashes RVD for that. 11:37 - Jesus, this is awful - RVD has raised the bar since coming to TNA? What the fuck are you talking about, Hogan? 12:17 - That was a terrible opening. Off to a bad start. It was good last week without Hogan and Bish, then they come back and it's shit again. I'd be excited about the four-way if I didn't know it'd be a Bischoff-special bullshit ending :( Hopefully they main show will be decent. 13:52 - There's a new knockout who's gimmick is she's a fat stripper? Jesus fuck, this is the worst iMPACT ever. I'm actually gonna watch this one to see if it's as bad as it looks to be. 16:49 - Yeah that was pretty bad...at least it was very short. Rosie's kinda like a cross between Awesome Kong and Rikishi, but nowhere near as good as either. And she has Matt Lucas' face, which is very disturbing. 18:02 - Oh god, it talks. Please don't make that happen again TNA. Just bring back Kong and give Hamada and Taylor a push - I'd watch every week. 20:09 - 20 mins in, finally something with the potential to be good is happening. Fuck 'em up, Jay! 25:47 - That was pretty cool, nice comedy match - don't see it very often :) Wish they woulda put a mic in there so you could hear it properly...More of that please TNA. 28:57 - Here comes Kurt - FUCK HIM UP ANGLE, WE WANT YOU TO GET TO JOE 29:34 - Kurt: "I like my opponent to know exactly what I'm going to do to them before I step foot in the ring" Fan: "FUCK HIM IN THE ASS! FUCK HIM IN THE ASS!" You gotta love TNA fans. 49:50 - Am I going mad or has there only been 9 minutes of wrestling so far?? 50:56 - Finally the match actually starts. Fuck ringside brawling. Fuck it right in the ear. 57:03 - Not a great match...it wasn't bad but it was nothing to write home about. 57:16 - Jesus christ, how much air time is the fucking Beer Money/Anderson & Hardy angle going to get toinight? It feels like it's been going on for like half an hour - and nothing interesting has happened. If they just put Red vs Doug or something in the middle it would be way better. 5 minutes of decent wrestling, then go back to the boring crap - not half hour blocks of it. 62:22 - This match is boring. I never liked Roode as a singles wrestler. 65:40 - Fully 25 mins of that crappy feud. Jesus christ. I wish I'd fast forwarded instead of watching it. 66:44 - Abyss & Rob Terry vs Orlando Jordan & Desmond Wolfe...haven't we suffered enough tonight, TNA? Can't you just do us a favour and end the show early or something rather than serving this shit up? 68:00 - 16 minutes left, and there's a tag match as well as a 4-way. Both are going to be shit, because there's nowhere near enough time to make them interesting. Meanwhile, the build up to a single tag match at the PPV gets 25 mins. This is one of the worst iMPACTs I've seen. 73:24 - Terrible match. 75:22 - The four way, including entrances and any post-match, is 8 minutes long. This is going to be absolute shite. And I'm pretty sure it'll be a screwjob too. 76:55 - FUCK YEAH HERE COMES JOE FUCK EM UP JOE 83:57 - Fucking awful iMPACT. If I wanted to watch shit, I'd watch WWE. Sort it the fuck out TNA.
Triple H isn't a bad wrestler, can be good on the mic and has a lot of power. The Pedigree however is one of the nastiest finishers around, I'm sure it won't be long until the ultra bland WWE bans it. 
I can barely remember what happened on the last iMPACT, there's no storylines I actually give a fuck about. What I do know is, Angle ought to be wrestling Wolfe at the PPV according to his fighting-the-top-ten-one-by-one angle. I want to see this feud kick off tonight, and immediately get heated and nasty. And I want to see them start the show with an actual wrestling match. They managed it last week (basically), so they can do it this week too.
If you were born in the 80s you were probably a fan of the Ghostbusters film. You probably watched 'the Real Ghostbusters' cartoon. You may have had the Ghostbusters game on your Atari 2600. 80s nostalgia, Sinclair C5's, Duran Duran, Soda Streams, Corey Feldman... the 80s! Wooo! People dressed funny and popular culture was different. Anyway, getting sidetracked.
