That Clown from Outta Town - iMPACT Feb 24th 1011

One week till we find out if Bischoff and Hogan are fucking off. We can only hope.

AJ v Flair is going to be funny as fuck.

LET'S DO THIS

1:39 - Holy shit, not starting with Bischoff
2:58 - Anderson's sitting in a chair refusing to leave the ring till he gets his title shot...didn't Austin do the exact same thing? But better?
4:14 - RV fucking D
5:19 - What about the laws of morality, Ken?
7:33 - Less than 10 mins to the first brawl. No sign of any wrestling.
8:04 - OH GREAT IT'S ERIC FUCKING BISCHOFF I WAS WORRIED WE WOULDN'T SEE HIM
10:12 - RVD v Anderson v Angle as the main event...if Angle doesn't win, I'm gonna be pissed. Although it'll blatantly be a screwjob
11:54 - Eric Young. He deserves better
13:49 - Eric Young and Orlando Jordan v Gunner and Murphy. What was that you were saying about ratings, Bischoff?
14:04 - Beer Money guest announcing...I WONDER IF THEY'LL INTERFERE AT ANY POINT
14:54 - OJ pretending to facefuck one of the jobbers. Why.
15:31 - And also grabbing his arse.
18:01 - Eric Young is now jobbing to jobbers...FFS TNA
19:44 - DEVON
21:04 - Apologising to your kids for Bubba putting them through a table? Bubba was right, you're weak...get fired up, Devon. Set Bubba on fire.
24:10 - Bubba is absolutely fucking brilliant on the mic
24:35 - Tommy Dreamer's back...and immediately becomes the least interesting person in the feud.
26:59 - Crimson...no idea who he is but he looks pretty enthusiastic.
28:03 - Magnus is getting destroyed
29:47 - Another TNA 2 minute match...why even bother
30:21 - Rob Terry really ought to go to WWE...he looks like a WWE wrestler, he wrestles like a WWE wrestler, and he's as good on the mic as a WWE wrestler. Oh sorry, did I say wrestler? I meant 'superstar'...
31:39 - 'You're looking at the future old man'...not if you keep taking so many steroids, Rob...your heart will go pop long before you get to that point
36:02 - Awesome fuckup...Rob's choking Steiner, but he only had hold of one end of the rope so he wasn't even close to his throat...carries on regardless :)
37:03 - Best Rob Terry match
38:19 - The new Beautiful People person is fucking weird
42:16 - "custom made Armani"...but it doesn't fit you, Ric...custom made for who?
43:39 - Goons in the audience again
47:09 - Double nut shot on Flair and Hernandez...Styles is awesome
50:24 - Second brawl of the night
53:50 - Final verdict next week...please get rid of Bischoff and Hogan
54:39 - Knockouts...let's see what happens with this open challenge thingie
55:32 - Mickie James will blatantly answer the open challenge
56:18 - Lol, ODB
56:59 - The reaction to ODB's return was awesome..."Oh my god, they're bigger"
60:24 - ODB lost :(
67:55 - Oh for fucks sake, more Jersey Shore bullshit next week :( I've never even heard of the show outside of TNA
68:53 - Main event time...so...NO JOE? FUCK YOU TNA
69:50 - Angle and Anderson had some pretty fucking awesome matches last year...I only hope that RVD doesn't suck it up too badly
79:20 - Oh FFS...awesome match, heading to the ending, then Jeff Jarrett fucks it up
80:14 - Typical fucking TNA bullshit...match was great until that point though, if there was a rematch at a PPV but with no interference, that'd be great

Pretty good iMPACT. Bring back the 6-sided ring when you fuck off Hogan and Bischoff. Thanks.

WWE Elimination Chamber predictions revisited

The Elimination Chamber is one of my favourite gimmick matches, and this PPV did not disappooint. Let's see how I did, I've got a pretty good feeling about this one:

"-- WWE champion The Miz vs. Jerry Lawler for the WWE Title.

Miz. This match will be decent enough, but very old school. I can see Cole helping the Miz get the win (again), thus leading to some kind of Cole/Lawler match at Wrestlemania to rival Mr McMahon vs. Bret Hart at WM 26 for stinker of the decade."

Miz won, but with a clean victory. The match was very good, old school, but very good. Before the match Lawler did an awesome promo which actually made the title seem like it actually meant something for the first time in God knows how long. I'm glad they are giving Miz some clean victories over credible opponents, they've booked Miz pretty badly over the last year, and I think they are only just starting to book him as a champion.

Match rating: ****

"-- Smackdown Elimination Chamber match - World Hvt. Title match: World champion Edge vs. Rey Mysterio vs. Kane vs. Wade Barrett vs. Drew McIntyre. One slot vacated.

So Ziggler's going to come back in and Edge will retain. Simple."

Okay, so Ziggler didn't make a comeback tonight, but Edge did win. I really enjoyed this Elimination Chamber match, I actually think that this was slightly better than the Raw one, the last ten minutes were particularly good.

Match rating: ****1/2


"-- Raw Elimination Chamber match - #1 contender match to WWE Title: John Cena vs. Randy Orton vs. C.M. Punk vs. John Morrison vs. Sheamus vs. R-Truth.

It's going to be Cena, though I'd like to see Punk headline WM, that ain't gonna happen any time soon."

This was another great EC match. There were some pretty cool spots in this one, and all the guys (except maybe Orton) worked their asses off and used the cage to do some pretty cool spots, and some stupid ones it must be said. There was one spot where Morrison scaled the cage, right up to the middle of the roof, and then he just kind of dropped down on Sheamus, who had been waiting to catch him for almost a minute. I though that Morrison would have done something a bit more interesting here, and maybe he was meant to. A lot of the stuff was highlight reel material, and when you saw the nasty bruises developing on Punk and Sheamus, you knew that they were putting their bodies on the line in this one.

Match rating: ****

"-- #1 contender Alberto Del Rio vs. IC champion Kofi Kingston.

Is this for the IC belt? Kofi loses pretty much every match he's in, and Del Rio needs to look strong on the run-up to WM, be stupid if Del Rio loses."

Del Rio won, and this was a great opener: fast-paced, quite a few near-falls. Del Rio won with his Cross Arm-breaker, so no suprises there, and the IC title wasn't mentioned once. It would have been cool for Del Rio to have the IC belt on the run-up to WM, but the title means less than the main ones, so I suppose it doesn't matter.

Match rating: ***

"-- WWE Unified tag champions Santino & Kozlov vs. Corre (Justin Gabriel & Heath Slater) for the WWE Tag Titles

PLEASE BE THE CORRE. I hate the Corre, I hate their name, I hate Heath Slater, I hate their gimmick (I think they are meant to be a communist Nexus)... but, if it means Santino and Koslov aren't champs, then I'm all for it... probably won't even watch this one."

The Corre won, and the match was sloppy. I really don't like watch Santino or Koslov in the ring, and I'm not convinced by Heath Slater. Michael Cole's started calling him 'the one-man rock band' - does this mean that he plays guitar, sings, and has a number of percussion instruments attached by strings to different parts of his body when he plays? I think it does.

Match rating: **

Overall, I really enjoyed this PPV. The matches (apart from the tag match) were great, the PPV was let down by stupid segments which should have been on Raw. When Trish Stratus came out and started doing Rock catchphrases only a week after the real Rock had come out and tore the house down with his promo on Raw, it seemed kind of lame... but Christian came back, so at least that's a plus. Booker T on commentary is also awful.

WWE Elimination Chamber - predictions

We are now officially on the road to Wrestlmania, and so far it's not looking brilliant. Fair enough the Rock is back, but all he has done is come out and give a great promo, but a promo which has served to show how fucking weak WWE is compared to the late 90s. Rock, Foley, DX, Stone Cold vs The Miz, John Cena, Randy Orton and The Corre... hmm... but at least there is a glimmer of hope; as far as I can tell this is the first WWE PPV in over a year which hasn't had Cena or Orton in a title match... let's hope this trend continues.

Anyway, let's look at what going down at Elimination Chamber:

-- WWE champion The Miz vs. Jerry Lawler for the WWE Title.

Miz. This match will be decent enough, but very old school. I can see Cole helping the Miz get the win (again), thus leading to some kind of Cole/Lawler match at Wrestlemania to rival Mr McMahon vs. Bret Hart at WM 26 for stinker of the decade.

-- Smackdown Elimination Chamber match - World Hvt. Title match: World champion Edge vs. Rey Mysterio vs. Kane vs. Wade Barrett vs. Drew McIntyre. One slot vacated.

So Ziggler's going to come back in and Edge will retain. Simple.

-- Raw Elimination Chamber match - #1 contender match to WWE Title: John Cena vs. Randy Orton vs. C.M. Punk vs. John Morrison vs. Sheamus vs. R-Truth.

It's going to be Cena, though I'd like to see Punk headline WM, that ain't gonna happen any time soon.

-- #1 contender Alberto Del Rio vs. IC champion Kofi Kingston.

Is this for the IC belt? Kofi loses pretty much every match he's in, and Del Rio needs to look strong on the run-up to WM, be stupid if Del Rio loses.

-- WWE Unified tag champions Santino & Kozlov vs. Corre (Justin Gabriel & Heath Slater) for the WWE Tag Titles

PLEASE BE THE CORRE. I hate the Corre, I hate their name, I hate Heath Slater, I hate their gimmick (I think they are meant to be a communist Nexus)... but, if it means Santino and Koslov aren't champs, then I'm all for it... probably won't even watch this one.

And I think there's a Divas match... and it will be shit...

Against All Odds - predictions revisited...

So, I've had a fucking insanly busy week hence the no revisit on Against All Odds predictions. Anyways, it's good to see Clown back, it's been a while! So here it is, better late than never, also I've had almost a week for the matches to settle in my memory, and most of them didn't...

"-- TNA World Hvt. champion Mr. Anderson vs. Jeff Hardy in a ladder match for the TNA World Title.
Depending on how much Jeff Hardy can be arsed, this could be a pretty decent match, but in all likelihood will be over-booked and needlessly complicated. I think Anderson will keep the strap, Anderson is the lesser of two evils in this scenario."

This matches was crazy, both guys took some pretty nasty bumps and they both worked their asses off. The ending seemed botched and was a bit of an anti-climax, but Jeff won his stupid fucking belt back.

Match rating: ****


"-- Kurt Angle vs. Jeff Jarrett.
This match will be great, the build-up has been a mixed bag; I’m really not a fan of the soap opera elements. I thought the MMA Jarrett was a great gimmick, though I really can’t be doing with a worked fight. If the storyline had continued and Kurt just wanted to prove he could kick Jarrett’s ass without bring Karen and their kids into it, I would be marking out for this one. Why can’t they just have a straight match with no stipulations and no bullshit?
This match will clearly end with some kind of screwjob/DQ with Jarrett getting the victory."

Jarrett got the victory, and Angle should have won... many times... but this match was so over-booked that they must have gone through every possible match ending in Wrestling Booking for Dummies (the Dusty Rhodes edition). The in-ring stuff was great, but they are hinting at another Angle retirement angle... this is such a shit angle...

Match rating: ***


"-- Bully Ray vs. Brother Devon in a Street Fight.
This is where the bad booking comes into play. The idea of being against the odds plays into this one because it is essentially a handicap match with Devon’s two son’s being in Devon’s corner. So we have a 3-on-1 street fight with the heel working against the odds... we can’t cheer for the babyfaces because they’ve got an unfair advantage, and the heel is a heel... This match would have been 20 times better were it just a bog-standard street-fight, now it’s hard to get behind Devon... idiotic booking... also, because this is TNA Devon will either get DQed or counted out... in a street fight..."

Bubba is a great heel, he has no redeeming qualities, whatsover. I find with most heels (Chris Jericho is probably the only exception), heels always seem to win over the crowd, either with comedy, catchphrases, etc. but Bubba came accross as complete and utter cunt on this one. Match wasn't really a match, but more of an angle... another angle involving families, hmm... What I will also say about this match is how well Taz sold this. There is no way that Michael Cole could appear so inversted in the feud as Taz was in this...
and Bubba won.

Match rating: **1/2


"-- Samoa Joe vs. The Pope D'Angelo Dinero.
This might be the first PPV match Joe has been in since he was kidnapped by ninjas, and the feud has made very little sense. As far as I can gather Joe has hired Okada to follow and film Pope, Pope has turned heel and might be involved in dog-fighting, Pope then called Joe fat... erm, I think that pretty much covers it.
I don’t rate Pope in the ring, but it will be great to see Joe back in the ring. If Joe jobs for Pope I’ll be pissed. Joe to win."

Joe, a guy who is miscast as a babyface, made Pope, a miscast heel, tap-out. The match was dull and with Pope turning on Joe at the end, it made Joe look like a fucking idiot. I'm glad Joe Muscle Busted Pope through a pig on Impact.

Match rating: * 1/2

"-- Rob Van Dam vs. Matt Hardy.
If this match is 20 times better than the last RVD/Fat Lardy match it will still be shit, so I don’t hold up much hope for anything decent coming from this one. Though RVD is meant to be a babyface, his arrogance and his lacklustre performances have made me really dislike him, as for Lardy, I really couldn’t give a shit and so do not care about this match in the slightest.
Flip a coin, RVD to win."

RVD won, and it was 20 imes better than the last time they wrestled... meaning it was still shit, but not a stinker. The match was very slow to start, and RVD looks like he's hurting. In the last minute or so, they both looked pretty good. There's hope for them yet.

Match rating: ** 1/2


"-- Knockouts champion Madison Rayne vs. Mickie James in a Last Knockout Standing match for the Knockouts Title.
By my reckoning, this will be Madison Rayne’s fourth or fifth solo match in TNA, and she has been KO champ for months now. What a joke. Mickie to win, at least she can go."

I don't remember much about this one, I remember that they both crawled under the ring for a bit for no reason, and recall that the match was pretty dull. Madison retained due to her cheat glove.


"-- Scott Steiner & Beer Money vs. Gunner & Murphy & Rob Terry.
Is this match real? This match would be fine on Impact, but on PPV? Security guards and Terroid in a PPV? Jeez, no wonder people aren’t buying PPVs anymore. It will be the dumbest thing in the world for Beer Money and Steiner to job for Terroid et al, so I’ll have to go with Terroid et al for the win."

Rob Terry was used to a minimum, as was Steiner, who as a 50 year old pulled off a pretty awesome looking Frankensteiner for the victory. Beer Money were great and are now babyfaces, which means they can be awesome again, and my God, they managed to stop this match from being a stinker.

Match rating: ***

"-- Max Buck vs. Jeremy Buck vs. Robbie E. in a #1 contender match to the X Division Title.
AGAIN, what could have been a decent match is ruined by careless booking. The Young Bucks will obviously work together, they are heels after all, thus rendering it, for all intents and purposes, a handicap match... who’s our plucky babyface who’s going to win, who’s going to beat the odds and win through his heart and intestinal fortitude? Why Robbie E of course... not only is this guy a heel, but he has X-Pac heat, the fans genuinely hate him; they hate his gimmicks, his look, and his style is very middle of the road WWE style... kick, kick, punch, punch, signature slam, win... The Bucks are way more over than Robbie will ever be... and Robbie E will blatantly win and go on to beat Kaz... thus rendering the token gesture of injecting new life into the X-Division as being a completely pointless exercise."

This match didn't happen due to The Bucks being stuck in an airport... Robbie E won by default. Then Kaz came out and they had a mediocre title match with Kaz winning clean... and on the back of that clean loss, Robbie E got a rematch on the next Impact... how fucking stupid.

Match rating: **1/2


On the whole, this was a shoddy PPV. My view is that they need to stop fucking around with Joe and Angle... put them in a simple, decent feud, maybe against each other, FFS. Also, every time a former WWEer gets put over, it is like TNA are putting the WWE over. Idiots

That Clown from Outta Town - TNA iMPACT, Feb 17 2011

I only really care about what's going on with Angle - clearly he's not actually retiring, but we'll see.

Hope there's more news about March 3rd as well, if they get rid of Bischoff and Hogan I'll start watching again properly.

LEEEEET'S GO!

1:04 - RVD v Jeff for the belt on iMPACT. At least this (hopefully) means we'll get a decent match at the next PPV. If I'm still watching by that point.
1:54 - GREAT, START WITH BISCHOFF WHY DON'T YOU
2:21 - Taz just called 'Fat' Matt Hardy a 'massive obstacle'. He got the 'massive' right...
3:20 - Jeff's entrance music is actually growing on me.
3:44 - Does not extend to Jeff himself.
4:23 - Immortal is actually just the Hardys and a few jobbers. They really aren't a credible faction.
11:48 - Ric Flair just makes no goddamn sense.
13:33 - WHY IS THERE BRAWLING THERE IS NO FUCKING POINT
15:41 - Finally, a match...and it's Douggie :)
15:59 - Looks like he's jobbing tonight :(
18:19 - Brief rundown of the match...Doug Williams v Hernandez...75% of the match was a Knockouts brawl on the outside...Doug didn't get a single move in...Hernandez fucks his finisher up and damn near breaks Doug's neck. Not a good night for one of TNA's best wrestlers...
20:20 - Pope. Joe won't be far away :)
22:59 - JOE JOE JOE JOE JOE
23:55 - MUSCLE BUSTER THROUGH THE FUCKING PIG AND ALSO THE TABLE FUCK YEAH JOE
24:28 - I have never seen someone put through a pig before, Joe is fucking awesome
24:47 - GREAT IDEA, FOLLOW JOE WITH ROBBIE FUCKING E
25:46 - WOW A REMATCH OF ONE OF THE MOST UNDERWHELMING MATCHES AT THE PPV WHAT A FUCKING GREAT IDEA
31:31 - WHY IS ROBBIE E STILL IN IT? I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND
32:58 - Flair is so going to screw AJ and Beer Money
33:50 - AJ Styles v Tetsuo.
34:15 - Oh wait, sorry, it's Matt Hardy
36:36 - Here comes Flair. I'm really sure he's gonna screw AJ.
37:21 - Is that a child in the audience? In slevegloves? FUCK YOU KID AND FUCK SLEEVEGLOVES
37:58 - YOU FUCKED UP, HARDY, YOU FUCKED UP
38:17 - I FUCKING SAW THAT COMING A FUCKING MILE OFF...as soon as Flair forgot how to do the Fortune handsign, I knew.
40:19 - Here comes MISTEEEEEER ANDERSZZZZZzzzzz
40:54 - ZZZzzzZZzzzZZZZzzzzzZZZZZzzzzz
41:09 - OH WOW ANDERSON AND BISCHOFF ARE DOING A PROMO, THIS OUGHT TO BE Zzzz
46:07 - Why would Bischoff put Anderson in there as special ref? Put Hernandez in there...why give your enemies that much power over your champion, are you fucking retarded?
48:38 - What a fucking stupid promo
49:03 - Knockouts, fast forwarding
61:08 - Madison's copying Awesome Kong's 'open challenge' gimmick...I hope it's as good this time round, when Kong did it, it was awesome
61:25 - Christ, Steiner's promos are awesome...they give him 10 seconds, and it's the best 10 seconds of the entire show so far
63:28 - I don't know who I want to win the main event...I don't want RVD to get the belt again, and I don't want Hardy to retain...it's basically lose/lose
65:17 - Lame Angle/Jarrett promo...all night they've been building up to...fucking nothing
67:08 - BUBBA :)
69:03 - I'd love it if that was a shoot
69:34 - MISTAAAAAAAAAAAAZZZZZzzzz
71:09 - Look at those cunts in the audience doing RVD thumbs...
75:11 - Wow, they booked Flair v AJ for next week...ought to be fucking hilarious
77:41 - RVD v Hardy at Invasion all those years ago was fucking awesome
78:28 - This is actually pretty decent...best match I've seen either guy in in TNA, off the top of my head
82:12 - What in the fuck was that? Anderson jumped in front of Hardy, seemingly so he could take a ref bump...it looked fucking stupid, whatever it was
83:09 - Fairly decent for an iMPACT main event...shame the ending was a piece of crap

Pretty decent impact, by 2010 standards. I didn't 'FFS' once.

That Clown from Outta Town - Against All Odds 2011

I have nothing to really say as an introduction, so I'll just jump right into it...

02:56 - I wish they had stipulations in proper sports...rugby cage matches would be pretty decent.
03:31 - Aw shit, no Gen Me :(
03:41 - But it's not all bad news, Robbie E still made it. Oh wait, did I say 'not bad news', or did I say 'fucking travesty'?
07:20 - Kaz :) Dressed as Kevin Nash, for some reason...
13:19 - A thrilling headlock
16:47 - Not a terrible match, but it was iMPACT-quality...not sure why Robbie E is on a PPV to be honest.
19:06 - Classic Steiner promo
19:43 - AJ :)
19:57 - Why even bother having a guest commentator - they might as well just say "And coming up - a screwjob!"
20:38 - This must be one of the least interesting 3-man teams in wrestling history...Rob Terry and a couple of glorified jobbers
22:46 - I think I see Goons in the audience :)
24:04 - Girl in the front row wearing fucking sleevegloves >:(
31:34 - Roode's looking pretty good tonight
33:04 - Frankensteiner coming up :)
33:34 - Nailed it :)
34:10 - Game over - and no screwjob either. Pretty decent match.
36:21 - I wonder if Bubba will attack the kids backstage when Devon comes to the ring...
36:57 - FUCK YEAH IT'S NEARLY JOE TIME MOTHERFUCKERS
39:06 - I wish they had a second Joe instead of The Pope so they could have a mirror match like in a videogame.
40:09 - FUCK YEAH SAMOA JOE KILL HIM JOE
42:49 - FFS Pope, get in the ring and take your medicine, stop being a pussy
48:55 - That knee was pretty sweet
49:50 - Fuck, quickest tapout ever...ok match, Joe didn't destroy him enough though...would have like him to drown Pope in his own blood or something.
51:54 - Pope beats Joe down after the match...from the look on Joe's face, this ain't over
53:06 - Knockouts, fast forwarding
01:07:33 - Matt Morgan's coming to the ring...dressed to talk. Fuck.
01:08:43 - Morgan and Hernandez feuding again? Surely it was shit enough the last time?
01:12:25 - I hope LAX reform, Hernandez's gimmick seems pretty much like their old one and LAX were awesome
01:13:01 - Matt Hardy - FUCK OFF FATTY, NOBODY FUCKING CARES WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY
01:14:18 - If you finish your undefeated record, THAT MEANS YOU'RE GOING TO LOSE YOU FUCKING FUCKTARD
01:16:22 - RVD - strangely tempted to fast forward...
01:18:23 - WWE rejects match, I'm gonna liven it up with a bit of Dwarf Fortress.
01:18:42 - My weaponsmith is finally legendary - work commences on adamantine weapons (and silver for the blunt users)
01:21:07 - My engraver, Banksy, continues to engrave masterpieces. No surprises in the RVD match so far.
01:22:10 - My carpenter, Jesus, makes a masterpiece barrel.
01:23:05 - And another
01:24:05 - What in the fuck is Matt Hardy doing?
01:27-18 - One of my peasants has given birth to a girl...ffs, we're over 150 dwarves already, and the population cap is 100 >:(
01:30:59 - RVD wins, unsurprisingly.
01:33:55 - Bit of a sinister promo there from Bubba
01:36:51 - Bubba v Devon...this could be dull as fuck, or it could be pretty extreme
01:46:28 - Not a great street fight- no blood and dumb ending
01:56:43 - Jarrett v Angle...should be good :)
02:13:10 - OH FOR FUCKS SAKE FUCKING REF BUMP FUCK THIS SHIT
02:16:59 - For god's sake, how many times does Angle have to win this? The ref is fucking useless
02:18:19 - The wrestling in the match was pretty good, but the booking was fucking shoddy. Jarret hits his finisher, Kurt kicks out. Jarret hits the finisher but from the top rope - Kurt kicks out. Jarrett hits Kurt in the face with a steel chair - Kurt kicks out. Jarret sits on Kurt, and gets the pin. THIS MAKES NO FUCKING SENSE
02:21:13 - Kurt's taken off his boots, which means you've retired, apparently. No way can that be Kurt's last match, it was shit.
02:22:59 - Jeff Hardy made the ladder match famous apparently. Not, say, Sabu. Or Shawn Michaels. Or anyone.
02:24:57 - Another WWE rejects match...tempted to crack Fortress open again.
02:41:30 - Credit where it's due, this is actually pretty good
02:51:07 - YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP
02:51:54 - Hardy gets the belt back :( But a pretty decent match, I'm surprised

Not a bad PPV all told...a few matches could have been cut without missing anything, there was some shitty booking, but there were also a few solid matches in there too.

Still...UFC 126 was better. Did you see the Silva KO?? Fucking awesome.

TNA Against All Odds - predictions

It’s that time again for my predictions for Against All Odds. Before I go into this, I want to say a few things about the build-up to this. They 2.0 is probably the best thing that could have happened to TNA, as They 2.0 was meant to be the Main Event Mafia. This would have sucked, Nash and Sting can’t go anymore, so it would have just resulted in bad matches. Also Immortal, as a faction was far too big, and stunk of NWO bullshit. Also, Beer Money and AJ make better babyfaces, so there is hope that things will start to go well...

Only 2 of the titles are up for grabs in this PPV, which I consider to be a good thing because it gives the belts more value if they aren’t up for grabs at any given opportunity (though there was a World Heavyweight Championship match on last Impact, so I’m talking out of my arse a bit). What I find interesting is that when RVD got Janiced, he had the strap tore off him quicker than a mouldy plaster, Abyss gets Janiced and he still gets to hold on to the TV title? Bullshit. Anyway, let’s do this.


-- TNA World Hvt. champion Mr. Anderson vs. Jeff Hardy in a ladder match for the TNA World Title.
Depending on how much Jeff Hardy can be arsed, this could be a pretty decent match, but in all likelihood will be over-booked and needlessly complicated. I think Anderson will keep the strap, Anderson is the lesser of two evils in this scenario.


-- Kurt Angle vs. Jeff Jarrett.
This match will be great, the build-up has been a mixed bag; I’m really not a fan of the soap opera elements. I thought the MMA Jarrett was a great gimmick, though I really can’t be doing with a worked fight. If the storyline had continued and Kurt just wanted to prove he could kick Jarrett’s ass without bring Karen and their kids into it, I would be marking out for this one. Why can’t they just have a straight match with no stipulations and no bullshit?
This match will clearly end with some kind of screwjob/DQ with Jarrett getting the victory.


-- Bully Ray vs. Brother Devon in a Street Fight.
This is where the bad booking comes into play. The idea of being against the odds plays into this one because it is essentially a handicap match with Devon’s two son’s being in Devon’s corner. So we have a 3-on-1 street fight with the heel working against the odds... we can’t cheer for the babyfaces because they’ve got an unfair advantage, and the heel is a heel... This match would have been 20 times better were it just a bog-standard street-fight, now it’s hard to get behind Devon... idiotic booking... also, because this is TNA Devon will either get DQed or counted out... in a street fight...



-- Samoa Joe vs. The Pope D'Angelo Dinero.
This might be the first PPV match Joe has been in since he was kidnapped by ninjas, and the feud has made very little sense. As far as I can gather Joe has hired Okada to follow and film Pope, Pope has turned heel and might be involved in dog-fighting, Pope then called Joe fat... erm, I think that pretty much covers it.
I don’t rate Pope in the ring, but it will be great to see Joe back in the ring. If Joe jobs for Pope I’ll be pissed. Joe to win.


-- Rob Van Dam vs. Matt Hardy.
If this match is 20 times better than the last RVD/Fat Lardy match it will still be shit, so I don’t hold up much hope for anything decent coming from this one. Though RVD is meant to be a babyface, his arrogance and his lacklustre performances have made me really dislike him, as for Lardy, I really couldn’t give a shit and so do not care about this match in the slightest.
Flip a coin, RVD to win.


-- Knockouts champion Madison Rayne vs. Mickie James in a Last Knockout Standing match for the Knockouts Title.
By my reckoning, this will be Madison Rayne’s fourth or fifth solo match in TNA, and she has been KO champ for months now. What a joke. Mickie to win, at least she can go.


-- Scott Steiner & Beer Money vs. Gunner & Murphy & Rob Terry.
Is this match real? This match would be fine on Impact, but on PPV? Security guards and Terroid in a PPV? Jeez, no wonder people aren’t buying PPVs anymore. It will be the dumbest thing in the world for Beer Money and Steiner to job for Terroid et al, so I’ll have to go with Terroid et al for the win.

-- Max Buck vs. Jeremy Buck vs. Robbie E. in a #1 contender match to the X Division Title.
AGAIN, what could have been a decent match is ruined by careless booking. The Young Bucks will obviously work together, they are heels after all, thus rendering it, for all intents and purposes, a handicap match... who’s our plucky babyface who’s going to win, who’s going to beat the odds and win through his heart and intestinal fortitude? Why Robbie E of course... not only is this guy a heel, but he has X-Pac heat, the fans genuinely hate him; they hate his gimmicks, his look, and his style is very middle of the road WWE style... kick, kick, punch, punch, signature slam, win... The Bucks are way more over than Robbie will ever be... and Robbie E will blatantly win and go on to beat Kaz... thus rendering the token gesture of injecting new life into the X-Division as being a completely pointless exercise.

On the whole, this PPV will be pretty bad. The standout will be Jarrett versus Kurt, with Pope versus Joe and Hardy versus Anderson having potential...

That Clown from Outta Town - iMPACT Feb 10 2011

I watched iMPACT last week on a whim, and it was quite good.

Except for Anderson being champ.

And the shitty redesign of the TNA belt.

And the fact Team 3D have split up, and Bubba is now called 'Bully Ray'.

And the fact it was filled with melodrama instead of wrestling.

Ok, so it wasn't 'good' good - but at least there's a sliver of hope that Hogan and Bischoff might be getting the boot on March 3rd. It looks like they're manoeuvring things to set that up...but knowing TNA that doesn't mean anything.

Anyway, I said I'd start watching TNA if Hogan and Bischoff left, so I may as well watch the build-up to them (hopefully) leaving...

LETS DO THIS

00:14 - The current angle with Jeff Jarrett and Kurt Angle is extremely uncomfortable to watch...turning real-life issues into entertainment seems wrong somehow.
00:47 - God, the new belt is ugly
1:09 - Why start the show with Bischoff?
1:36 - I forgot 'Fat' Matt Hardy was in it now...I wish they'd hire based on ability rather than big-name recognition. Samoa Joe v Matt Hardy, or Samoa Joe v Kenny Omega? Be honest...
3:30 - The boos for Jarrett are crazy...a year or so ago, he was so over it was unbelievable. He should turn on Immortal, then it'll just be WWE rejects, career failures, and nobodies.
18:37 - Anderson v Morgan in a title match - I remember when it was Joe v Angle. Why are TNA stooping so low?
16:19 - Rob Van Dam - sigh.
16:33 - FUCK YEAH SAMOA JOE
17:25 - Literally half of the people in this 6-man tag are WWE rejects...all but one if you count 3D...
20:01 - That was a table match? Seriously? Must be a contender for lamest ever.
22:09 - I wish people would stop booing Jarrett/Bischoff...they're heels, it only validates them. If they were silent whenever they appeared, they'd be gone in a couple of weeks.
28:26 - Knockouts - I'd probably watch, but it's an 8-person tag which is bound to be shit.
29:22 - Why do the knockouts get their own entrances, when Joe had to come out to RVD's music?
39:42 - Wait, the title match isn't the main event? How does that work?
51:28 - What a tame ref bump...he barely hit him, it looked stupid for him to fall over, let alone get knocked out...
56:44 - Robbie E is still in it? I thought he was a joke character...
57:41 - Suicide...Daniels?
1:00:51 - So, Robbie E is more deserving of a title shot than Brian Kendrick or Christopher Daniels? What is going on?

The audio cut out on my copy of the show just after the match...

The ending seemed pretty generic...match > screwjob > brawl > RVD. There was a little twist where RVD didn't immediately beat everyone in the ring, but Anderson ran in and finished up for him.

Pretty mediocre iMPACT...PPV looks mediocre...on second thoughts, maybe I'll just check back in on March 3rd instead of watching between now and then.

They 1.0, an overview in 70 simple steps...

Looking back over the last year of TNA, I’ve come to the conclusion that the “They” storyline is one of the worst pieces of storytelling in history. There are more holes than the bible; the timeline makes less sense than if you watched an edited version of Lost where everything occurs in chronological order; and the characters are less consistent than the Tories’ deficit reduction policies (satire).
I’m going to try and outline the storyline as simply as possible and stick to only “they” relevant stuff...

1) Hogan and Bischoff debut on TNA January 4th 2010 as babyfaces.
2) Jarrett was a heel.
3) Jarrett was quickly turned babyface.
4) Eric Bischoff turned heel on Foley and Jarrett.
5) Ric Flair also debuts on TNA as a babyface.
6) Ric Flair turns heel and becomes a mentor for AJ Styles.
7) Scott Hall and Sean Waltman keep sneaking around the Impact Zone.
8) Scott Hall and Sean Waltman want to reform the band with Kevin Nash.
9) Hogan is invited to join the band, but declines.
10) Sting, meanwhile, lurks in the shadows.
11) The Montreal Screwjob is re-enacted by AJ Styles playing Michaels, Kurt Angle playing Hart, Hogan playing McMahon and an aged Earl Hebner as Earl Hebner.
12) The storyline remains unresolved to this day.
13) AJ turns heel.
14) Samoa Joe is kidnapped by ninjas.
15) This storyline remains unresolved to this day.
16) Hogan mentors Abyss.
17) Hogan gives Abyss a magical ring.
18) Abyss gains superpowers.
19) Abyssamania runs wild.
20) Hogan and Flair feud.
21) Nash turned his back on the band and turned babyface.
22) Nash briefly teamed up with Eric Young.
23) Nash turned heel and sided with the band.
24) Eric Young briefly feuds with the band.
25) Eric Young turned heel and sided with the band.
26) Scott Hall gets fired.
27) Sean Waltman gets fired.
28) Nash blamed Hogan and Bischoff for the band’s demise.
29) This storyline remains unresolved to this day.
30) Sting starts talking about deception.
31) Sting attacks Dixie Carter.
32) Sting doesn’t get fired.
33) RVD makes his debut.
34) Hogan puts RVD over as Mr TNA.
35) Mysterious attacks occur around backstage area and an Ace of Spades card is left as a calling card.
36) This storyline remains unresolved to this day.
37) RVD feuds with Sting.
38) This storyline remains unresolved to this day.
39) RVD is handed the World Title on Impact.
40) Jeff Hardy makes his debut by climbing atop of a steel cage.
41) Bischoff introduces TNA rankings.
42) Desmond Wolfe wins the vote.
43) Sting is made number one contender for the title.
44) Desmond Wolfe jobs to RVD and is made to look like a tit.
45) Samoa Joe returns on the tron looking sweaty and scared and tells us that “they” are coming. This is never mentioned again, and neither are the ninjas.
46) Around this time, Hogan and Bischoff plot to take over TNA and put together a secret group ‘The Immortals’
47) Samoa Joe returns, attacks people and gives silent promos.
48) Abyss turns heel and starts talking about “they”.
49) Nash joins Sting and talk about smoke and mirrors.
50) Jeff Jarrett feuds with Sting and Nash.
51) Sting and Nash recruit the Pope.
52) Jarrett recruits Samoa Joe.
53) Samoa Joe starts talking, the ninjas and his silence and his attacks are never mentioned again.
54) Janice makes her debut on Impact.
55) RVD retains. his title against Abyss on The Whole F’ing show with Eric Bischoff as a special guest referee.
56) Abyss mutilates RVD with Janice.
57) RVD returns a few months after making a miraculous recovery on Wolverine/Claire Bennett levels of physical impossibility.
58) TNA bring in EV2.0.
59) Hogan puts EV2.0 over.
60) Flair hates EV2.0.
61) TNA gradually get rid of EV2.0.
62) Abyss kidnaps Dixie and humiliates her.
63) Dixie signs a contract to fire Abyss.
64) RVD is forced to vacate the title.
65) This storyline remains unresolved to this day.
66) The TNA rankings are never spoken of again.
67) It is revealed that Dixie actually signed control of TNA to Hogan et al.
68) At Bound for Glory everyone turns heel.
69) Jeff Hardy becomes World Champion.
70) The next Impact is used to explain their evil plans.

I'm pretty sure I've missed stuff out, but this is a bare-bones plot outline. Hope it makes sense.