It's time to look at the results for TNA's latest PPV and see how I did in the predictions game:
TNA World Heavyweight Championship
Rob Van Dam vs. Sting
“Eugh, I remember how bad their last one-on-one match was. Sting and RVD are both ‘veterans’ which means they are both clunky in the ring. Their styles don’t work well together, and I predict that this match will suck. Sting to win.”
Sting won, thus I win. No one won really though, as this match was pretty dull. As noted above, both these guys are pretty limited in what they can do, so this saw RVD taking a few stupid bumps on the concrete floor and smash his leg off a steel barricade. During the match Anderson was on commentary and boy did he suck. He chewed gum loudly and whined like a bitch – he added nothing to this match. Next PPV we have Sting versus Anderson – I’m already feeling sleepy.
Match rating: *
TNA World Tag Team Championship
Matt Hardy & Chris Harris vs. Beer Money
“Not sure how this one’s going to pan out – Beer Money are awesome and both Hardy and Harris have been awesome... but that was a few years ago... so who knows? Beer Money should win.”
This match was average. Beer Money were great, but Harris was by no means in ring-shape. Hardy worked really hard at the start of the match, but the crowd weren’t into it. I think TNA went into this one assuming that the crowd would be all over the AMW/Beer Money angle; but without much of a build and due to the fact that most of the audience probably weren’t watching TNA when AMW were rocking the set, there was no heat - even ending the match with AMW’s finish failed to stir the crowd. Perhaps if this match had occurred 3 years ago it would have worked... at least Beer Money won, which means I’m 2-0 up.
Match rating: **
TNA Knockouts Championship
Madison Rayne vs. Mickie James
“The stip in this match makes little sense if, like I, you try and follow a storyline. Essentially, Tara was fired from TNA, she was working as a toilet cleaner (or something equally menial), so Madison Rayne employed her as a personal assistant/bodyguard. Months went by and Tara ended up costing Mickie James a title, which Tera then gave to Rayne in a finger poke of death style pin... Mickie James is now saying that if she beats Rayne, she will give Tera her old job back... how? Since when does Mickie have to power to hire people? And why would Mickie want to help Tera anyway? It just doesn’t make sense.... Mickie to win.”
It was weird to see that Tera had been replaced by a Jerry Springer transvestite in this one – she looked really bad. The match was what it was, bloody awful. The match has been built on the premise that Tera wants to be free at last, free at last... but, in the promo before that match, Tera was torn, seemingly just so Russo could write in a swerve. The match ended with Tera getting Madison’s loaded glove and standing in the ring after a second ref bump... for a long time... she was torn as to what to do, just in case you didn’t realise. For a moment it looked like she was going to hit Mickie... but bang! Swerve city, she turns and hits Madison. Mickie retained and Tera’s no longer a white slave. 3-0 to me!
Rating: *
TNA X-Division Championship
Max Buck vs. Kazarian
“Kaz to win and Bucks to reform... should be one hell of match.”
This was a decent enough match, lots of crazy spots and one of the stupidest moves I’ve ever seen. Kaz nearly killed Buck by doing a Sunset Flip Powerbomb from the apron to the floor. This move is dangerous enough at the best of times, but Max Buck’s head smacked off of the concrete. This looked really bad, and, fair play to him he kept working and even kicked out of a pin... just a few months after the concussion storyline, I might add... Kaz got the win and finished with the Shining Wizard, which is always a fun move. One the whole this was a pretty decent match, which felt a bit too choreographed at points. 4-0, I’m hating that I’m thinking like Russo.
Match rating: ***
Kurt Angle & Chyna vs. Jeff Jarrett & Karen Jarrett
“Who cares anymore? Chyna came out looking like Michael Jackson, Kurt Angle’s been beaten by Jarrett over and over since last year... I presume that Chyna get the pin on Karen for the victory. It will be a decent match whilst Kurt and Jarrett are in the ring, but then it will suck when the women tag in...”
I thought that the booking of this match was surprisingly good. Jeff and Kurt worked most of this one. Chyna looked like Michael Jackson and, luckily, her and Karen were only in the match for the finish. There was a bit of dumb moment in this match where Angle tagged Chyna, the announcers noted that it was a mixed tag match, so if one person tagged out, both sides had to switch. This didn’t happen. Chyna came in the ring, Karen didn’t and then Jeff and Kurt carried on. The announcers then explained that Jeff was the legal man, so that was fine... erm, no he wasn’t. The finish came with Chyna giving the worst slam I’ve ever seen to Jeff and then putting Karen in the ankle lock. Angle held Karen’s hand so she couldn’t tap, because in order to submit in a match now you have to physically tap (so stupid)... aside from some stupidity, this was a great mixed tag match. I even guessed who got the win. 5-0
Match rating: ***
AJ Styles vs. Tommy Dreamer
“This could be a decent enough match... I’m predicting a win by Dreamer, but due to interference from Bubba... that makes logical sense to me, so it’s very unlikely to happen.”
Yes and yes. I’m reaching Goldberg levels of streakery here. This match was pretty dull. AJ looked pretty good, but Dreamer kind of hobbled around a bit and finished with the worst looking Piledriver ever after Bubba interfered and hit AJ with a chain. Bubba’s promo before this match was truly awesome, Bubba is the best heel in mainstream wrestling bar none. 6-0
Match rating: **
Mexican America vs. Ink, Inc.
“This will probably be an okay match, I quite like some of the stuff Ink Inc do, but Shannon Moore is nothing without the rest of 3 Count. I presume that Mexicool, or whatever they’re called will get the win.”
This match sucked. Shannon Moore did some cool stuff in this, but it wasn’t enough. Mex-Pac isn’t ready to be on TV, and Hernadez is nothing without Homicide. But, I picked the winner... thus I win. 7-0
Match rating: ½
Abyss vs. Crimson
“Crimson’s going to kill you... if Crimson doesn’t fuck Abyss up... well...”
This would have been a great match if it went on for 3-4 minutes rather than 10. The match was pretty dull. The best part about this was actually Abyss’s (babyface) promo he gave before the match, really intense. 8-0... this is getting awkward now.
Match rating: *½
Robbie E. vs. Brian Kendrick
“Wow, this feud has been building up for months, I can’t wait to see these guys finally get in the ring together... okay, where has this match come from, and why should anybody PAY for this match? No build whatsoever... I’m sure Kendrick will do some pretty cool spots, but Robbie E is awful... I want Kendrick to win, but that’s very unlikely... screw it, Kendrick to win...”
Kendrick’s robe makes him look like he’s in the KKK. Robbie E = bad Zack Ryder. This match is a great example of a clash of styles. Kendrick was all over the top ropes, lots of high-flying moves; Robbie was doing his kick kick punch punch thing. What was strange about this match is the fact the Kendrick’s first strike was a dropkick, and so was his finisher. 9-0.
Match rating: *½
On the whole this was a sub-par PPV. There were a couple of half-decent matches punctuated by bad ones.
I predicted the results of all of these matches, which probably makes me some kind of psychic master. I have the ability to see through logic ... I am Vince Russo.*
*disclaimer - I am not Vince Russo.
