For blog's sake...

Where to begin? TNA is capable of so much, that goes for shit and genius. One minute it produces some of the greatest matches I've ever seen, some of the worst swerves too. I thought it was a true spectacle to see AJ Styles drop onto Bully Ray from on basically top of building only for Bully Ray (I cringe when I type that name) to somehow pull the match out of the bag by knocking AJ through a wall and standing up for about a second. The sad part though is that I was half expecting the wall to be Vince Russo all along.

Sting - What the fuck? TNA have now decided that Heath Ledger was so amazing as the Joker (I have to say that he was good despite being shite because the fucker's dead) that they've basically made him as the next incarnation. I've heard that he's going to be having a match against Jack Nicholson with the reanimated ashes of Cesar Romero as special guest referee.

WWE - R Truth. Genius - He's a good R Truth! They should do the same with John Fucking Cena. They've really started to piss me off lately with Super-Cena Man - A man who can be dominated for 99% of a match and will still always win. Poor CM Punk doesn't stand a chance - if he isn't victim to a monumental WWE screwjob in his hometown he'll be tapping to Cena after delivering between 4 and 8 GTS's. I'm getting really bored of the rivalry between Randy Orton and Christian, both are capable of some great matches but enough is enough. Christian has had enough goes, I think it's time for a new face to step up - I'm thinking it could be Wade Barrett's turn.

Sticking with Smackdown, for once I was glad to see Daniel Bryanson lose what was another great match with Cody Rhodes - this one has got some mileage left in it yet. It was also good to see little Daniel to finally get some mic time. He's no CM Punk on the mic but he's pretty good - much better than Randy Orton.

I've never been good at closing articles, so long.

They 1.0, an overview in 70 simple steps...

Looking back over the last year of TNA, I’ve come to the conclusion that the “They” storyline is one of the worst pieces of storytelling in history. There are more holes than the bible; the timeline makes less sense than if you watched an edited version of Lost where everything occurs in chronological order; and the characters are less consistent than the Tories’ deficit reduction policies (satire).
I’m going to try and outline the storyline as simply as possible and stick to only “they” relevant stuff...

1) Hogan and Bischoff debut on TNA January 4th 2010 as babyfaces.
2) Jarrett was a heel.
3) Jarrett was quickly turned babyface.
4) Eric Bischoff turned heel on Foley and Jarrett.
5) Ric Flair also debuts on TNA as a babyface.
6) Ric Flair turns heel and becomes a mentor for AJ Styles.
7) Scott Hall and Sean Waltman keep sneaking around the Impact Zone.
8) Scott Hall and Sean Waltman want to reform the band with Kevin Nash.
9) Hogan is invited to join the band, but declines.
10) Sting, meanwhile, lurks in the shadows.
11) The Montreal Screwjob is re-enacted by AJ Styles playing Michaels, Kurt Angle playing Hart, Hogan playing McMahon and an aged Earl Hebner as Earl Hebner.
12) The storyline remains unresolved to this day.
13) AJ turns heel.
14) Samoa Joe is kidnapped by ninjas.
15) This storyline remains unresolved to this day.
16) Hogan mentors Abyss.
17) Hogan gives Abyss a magical ring.
18) Abyss gains superpowers.
19) Abyssamania runs wild.
20) Hogan and Flair feud.
21) Nash turned his back on the band and turned babyface.
22) Nash briefly teamed up with Eric Young.
23) Nash turned heel and sided with the band.
24) Eric Young briefly feuds with the band.
25) Eric Young turned heel and sided with the band.
26) Scott Hall gets fired.
27) Sean Waltman gets fired.
28) Nash blamed Hogan and Bischoff for the band’s demise.
29) This storyline remains unresolved to this day.
30) Sting starts talking about deception.
31) Sting attacks Dixie Carter.
32) Sting doesn’t get fired.
33) RVD makes his debut.
34) Hogan puts RVD over as Mr TNA.
35) Mysterious attacks occur around backstage area and an Ace of Spades card is left as a calling card.
36) This storyline remains unresolved to this day.
37) RVD feuds with Sting.
38) This storyline remains unresolved to this day.
39) RVD is handed the World Title on Impact.
40) Jeff Hardy makes his debut by climbing atop of a steel cage.
41) Bischoff introduces TNA rankings.
42) Desmond Wolfe wins the vote.
43) Sting is made number one contender for the title.
44) Desmond Wolfe jobs to RVD and is made to look like a tit.
45) Samoa Joe returns on the tron looking sweaty and scared and tells us that “they” are coming. This is never mentioned again, and neither are the ninjas.
46) Around this time, Hogan and Bischoff plot to take over TNA and put together a secret group ‘The Immortals’
47) Samoa Joe returns, attacks people and gives silent promos.
48) Abyss turns heel and starts talking about “they”.
49) Nash joins Sting and talk about smoke and mirrors.
50) Jeff Jarrett feuds with Sting and Nash.
51) Sting and Nash recruit the Pope.
52) Jarrett recruits Samoa Joe.
53) Samoa Joe starts talking, the ninjas and his silence and his attacks are never mentioned again.
54) Janice makes her debut on Impact.
55) RVD retains. his title against Abyss on The Whole F’ing show with Eric Bischoff as a special guest referee.
56) Abyss mutilates RVD with Janice.
57) RVD returns a few months after making a miraculous recovery on Wolverine/Claire Bennett levels of physical impossibility.
58) TNA bring in EV2.0.
59) Hogan puts EV2.0 over.
60) Flair hates EV2.0.
61) TNA gradually get rid of EV2.0.
62) Abyss kidnaps Dixie and humiliates her.
63) Dixie signs a contract to fire Abyss.
64) RVD is forced to vacate the title.
65) This storyline remains unresolved to this day.
66) The TNA rankings are never spoken of again.
67) It is revealed that Dixie actually signed control of TNA to Hogan et al.
68) At Bound for Glory everyone turns heel.
69) Jeff Hardy becomes World Champion.
70) The next Impact is used to explain their evil plans.

I'm pretty sure I've missed stuff out, but this is a bare-bones plot outline. Hope it makes sense.

TNA Final Resolution

TNA have important PPVs, and not-so important PPVs. Final Resolution, for TNA, is not an important show. This is not to say that it wasn’t an awesome show... well for the first two hours anyway.

Ink Inc. versus Beer Money

This match was for the number one contendership for the tag-titles. Beer Money are one of my favourite tag teams, if you asked me about a year ago, I probably would have said that they’re no AMW. It’s safe to say that Beer Money have surpassed AMW in terms of both quality and consistency.
This was a great opener, Beer Money have obviously learnt a lot from Ric Flair in how to bring out the best in the other competitors and make them look good in the ring. This is easily the best match that Ink Inc have ever been in and they did some really cool spots. Beer Money got the DWI on Jesse for the pin. The booking was very simple, Beer Money got heat, Ink Inc made a comeback, Beer Money got a clean wi. There was no run-ins, no Bischoff, no bullshit, and it was a really solid opener.

Match rating: ***½

Tara versus Mickie James – falls count anywhere.

Before this match started something confused me. Instead of interviewing Tara or Mickie about the match that they were about to compete in, they decided to interview someone who wasn’t even in the match, Madison Rayne. This struck me as a bit dumb, but hey, it’s TNA and TNA doesn’t seem to meld well with logic at times.
The match was falls count anywhere, so the basically beat the crap out of each other around the building. For a women’s match, and for a falls count anywhere match, this wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. I actually quite liked some of the bits in this match and thought that it didn’t go on for too long. There wasn’t much of a story to the match, and it really reminded me of the Kevin Sullivan/Chris Benoit feud from January/February 1997 where they would brawl around the building and end up with on of them getting pinned on the toilet floor. See if this structure sounds familiar: brawl in-ring, brawl ring-side, brawl in crowd, brawl backstage, brawl in toilets.
The match ended with Tara getting the pin on James on the men’s (yes, the men’s) toilet floor after Rayne burst out of a cubicle and sprayed James with a fire extinguisher. I’m so glad Rayne happened to pick the same toilet that Tare and Mickie were going to brawl into.
The match was a bit more entertaining than I’ve described, and seeing the people run scared out of the toilets was pretty funny.
Match rating: ***

Robbie E versus Jay Lethal – X Division title
Coming into this match, the stipulation seemed completely fucking dumb to me. It was a standard match, with Cookie being put in a shark cage and hoisted up over the ring. Don’t ask me why, it was fucking stupid. As the match started, Cookie refused to get into the cage and then as Lethal and Robbie started to wrestle, she headed towards the back, thus rendering the stipulation even more stupider (shut up, I know stupider’s not a real word)... but... who should come out but Sharkboy! I’m not kidding you, this guy’s not been on TV for about 2 years, and suddenly he turns up to put Cookie in the cage. As I’m writing this, my bullshit detector is going haywire, but I marked out when Sharkboy came out, so fuck you.
On the whole, this was a pretty decent match with a bullshit ending. Even though Cookie was suspended in the cage, she threw a chain down to the ring, which Hebner got rid of, she then threw out a can of spray for Robbie to use. Instead, Lethal used it and got DQed. Some of the crowd were chanting “you screwed Jay” – Jay cheated you fucking thicktards, the ref did the right thing. The cage didn’t work and Jay looked like a dick, way to put over your babefaces TNA.
The cage got lowered and Cookie slapped Sharkboy, Sharkboy then put Cookie in the Stunner. I hope this means Sharkboy will be on Impact... Shell yeah!

Match rating: ***

Rhino versus RVD – First blood
Again we had another interview with someone who wasn’t even in a match, this time Tommy Dreamer. He said something like “Ten years ago, Rhino broke RVD’s leg, and they became great friends”, okay... He also looked fucking stupid.
This match was one hell of a mixed bag; it in a constant flux between being awesome to being a train-wreck. There were some crazy spots, RVD did the Van Terminator, he also botch a number of spots and you could clearly see Rhino’s blade-job had started to bleed before RVD hit him for the blow that got the win. For future reference, this is how a good ending to match should look (they don’t need to have a guy getting a bin kicked into his face, but you get what I mean).
Again, it was a clean win, there was no run-ins, no bullshit, and even though there was some shakey moments and a couple of botches, it was a great match. In fact it’s probably the cleanest first blood match I think I’ve ever seen.

Match rating: ***½


AJ Styles versus Doug Williams – TV title
I’m starting to get confused now, this time to build up the match, a promo was given by Kaz... three times? Really? This is so dumb, it’s not even funny.
In the next few weeks I’ll be looking back over the year at some of my favourite matches. I’ve pretty much got a top ten, but this match has thrown a spanner into the works. I can’t believe how good this match was. There was no bullshit booking, the finish was clean and the match was just brilliant. Williams is one of the best and most underrated wrestlers in TNA, if not the world, and even with his achievements he doesn’t seem to get the cred with TNA he deserves. He’s held the X-Division title, the tag titles, IWGP tag titles, TV title – the only title he’s not held in the TNA Heavyweight title.
So yeah, this match was awesome, truly, truly spectacular. I hope that we have the next Impact taken up with an hour long Iron Man match between these two. Both guys just looked fantastic, Doug did his Rolling Chaos AT RINGSIDE, and beat AJ with the Styles clash (you read that right). It’s possible that this match will be looked at fondly by TNA fans in the future as one of their greatest matches before going out of business. This is what happens when you get two of the best pure wrestlers in the world going at it in a match without bullshit booking. My hat goes off for this one, this is a perfect match. AND DOUG GOT THE TITLE WITH A CLEAN, DECISIVE WIN.
Match rating: *****

Motor City Machine Guns versus Generation Me – Tag team championship TLC match
With WWE’s TLC only a week away, what better way than to show how great the competition’s PPV could be by having a TLC match. Not that I’m complaining because this was another great match. Structurally, I didn’t think that this match told much of story, but in terms of showing just how innovative Gen Me and the Guns are, this match was awesome. There was so many things in this match that I’ve not seen before, and so many sick spots that I haven’t seen in far too long (from a table atop of a ladder through table after a chair fight.) There was so much potential for these guys to get hurt in this match, but everyone could walk at the end, so it’s all good.
This match was great because it was such a contrast in styles between the last match which was a pure wrestling fan’s dream match and this which can only be described as a crazy spot-fest.

Match rating: ****

At this point, you could have turned off your TV and walked away knowing that you’d seen one of the best PPVs TNA have ever done and is by far the PPV of the year. Unbeknownst to me, I carried on watch. It felt it was like on an old Western where they would have a train hurtling towards a broken bridge... the last three matches were like those final seconds when the driver can see straight down into the abyss (geddit?).

Abyss versus Pope – casket match

It’s 2010 and we’re still having casket matches? Not only are we having casket matches, we are having casket matches that MAKE NO FUCKING SENSE. Since when has Abyss (or is it Pope? I’ve no fucking idea) been into coffins? Who gives a shit about this feud?
This match was stupid, and rubbish, and irresponsible. They did a spot where Abyss did a back-breaker on Pope onto the casket – the exact spot that broke Shawn Michaels’ back and had him out of WWF for four years. Pope then didn’t sell this at all and went on to do some drop kicks and life up a guy who weighs “in excess” of 350 lb. But the stupidity doesn’t end there! Abyss gets put in the casket and instead of shutting the lid from the ring apron, decides to get out of the ring, slowly stroll round the casket and close the lid. Abyss punches through the end of the casket and grabs Popes balls and pulls him into the box... later in the match Abyss got the win with another cock-based move, this time kicking Pope in the “yam bag region” and choke-slamming him into the coffin for the win.
This match was shit.
Match rating: ½

Jeff Jarrett versus Samoa Joe – submission match

One of the most entertaining things on recent Impact has been Jeff Jarrett’s MMA stint. I especially loved him making young children tap out of submission holds. This storyline is obviously a joke storyline and is more about Jarrett’s delusional personality than anything else. So why the hell Joe was humouring an MMA-style meet up with the ref prior to the match, made no fucking sense. During this segment, Gunner and Murphy came out and waved nightsticks over Joe’s leg, which if you believed the commentary had actually hurt Joe. I’ve got eyes, they’re not very good eyes, but damn it, those sticks went nowhere near to Joe.
They were clearly trying to work an MMA style match in this one, and to some extent it worked. Joe came down to the ring with his injured leg, the match started and Joe went into guard on his back and dared Jarrett to come near him. He did a few times and Joe got in some submission moves. They did some ground-and-pound style stuff and more submissions, then there was the finish... Jarrett tapped-out, but it was outside of the ring... Jarrett tapped-out, but his foot was under the rope... then Gunner and Murphy did a run in and Jarrett got the ankle lock for the win.
This was such a great feud when it started, and now it looks like a deflated balloon. Stupid booking, pointless ending and so much of the story made no fucking sense.

Match rating: *


Matt Morgan versus Jeff Hardy – TNA world championship, no DQ with Anderson as guest ref.

This match had bullshit written all over it from the outset and it didn’t disappoint (well it did disappoint; this match was TNA at its worst). This match was shit and Jeff seemed to be off his tits, botching almost every move he did. Morgan kicked out of a bunch of Twist of Fates, Morgan hurt his knee trying to kick Hardy. Jeff then tried to get counted out, in a no DQ match, Anderson counted to 9 then stopped and went after Hardy to drag that sucker back in the ring, probably because he’s an asshole or something. Morgan got the pin and Anderson did a fair count, Hardy got the pin and Anderson wouldn’t count. There was a ref bump, an Morgan got the pin, but oh no! The ref was out on the floor. How to solve this? Enter Bischoff with a new ref in tow. Bischoff then threw Anderson into the ring post. He then threw the new ref into the ring, but wait, Matt Morgan still has the cover! Bischoff pulled the new ref away (thank God!). Jeff hit another botched Twist of Fate and got the win. What a shit main event.

Match rating: 0

Seriously, you should watch this PPV, but pretend that the Guns/Gen Me match is the main event, you will not be disappointed.

PPV rating: ***
2 hour PPV rating: ****½

RIP TNA: A memorial - Part 2

The next match I want to share with you is from Final Resolution in 2005. The match in question is one of TNA's greatest innovations: the Ultimate X. In this match we see Petey Williams versus AJ Styles versus Chris Sabin for the X Division title.

TNA have done some shite gimmicks in their time, but the Ultimate X isn't one of them. This was the first Ultimate X match where the combination of wrestlers and spots made it a staple of the (what seems to be) long forgotten X Division.

Sit back and enjoy, this is an awesome match.

RIP TNA: A memorial.

Let's not dwell on the bad times, TNA has put on some amazing matches in its time. In a tribute to TNA here is the first part of my top ten matches in TNA history.

My tenth favourite match in TNA history is from August 2002: Jerry Lynn versus Lo-Ki versus AJ Styles. There was a lot of crap that was put out during the first few years of TNA, and matches during this time haven't aged well. This is still a great match and has some pretty nasty spots once the ladders get involved. Enjoy!

TNA: The whole F'ing Show - predictions revisited.

A few days ago I made my predictions for The Whole F’ing Show. Let’s see how I did:

Kurt Angle vs AJ Styles
“With the career stip, this match is pointless. I don’t care, this angle would have been much better had Angle worked through the ranks, had a few bumps along the way. I’ve said it before, they’re just a bunch of elaborate squash matches. Angle to win.”

I enjoyed this match, AJ and Angle always put on a great match together. But because of the career stip on all of Angle’s matches the result was obvious and therefore there was no drama. This could have been an awesome angle if they had done it right, idiots.
I’d give this match **** if it were not for the fact that all of these matches are positions for an Angle win, therefore: ***.
That’s 1/1 on the predictions...

Madison Rayne vs Angelina Love Knockout's Title
“If it’s not Angelina I’ll be pissed. Rayne is shit. I assume that TNA will swerve revealing the mysterious biker, though I’m pretty convinced it’s either Tara or Alyssa Flash (I would prefer the latter, that bitch is mean).”

Talk about being on the money. We got Angelina for the win and TNA swerved revealing the biker (though the crowd were chanting ‘Tara’ when she arrived).
**½, not a bad match, but the biker angle is starting to wear a bit thin.
2/2

Mr. Anderson vs Matt Morgan vs The Pope
“Pope really needs the win here, but this is TNA so I’m gonna go with Matt Morgan.”

Pope really needed this win, but because it’s TNA the winner was fan *ahem* favourite, Matt Morgan. The build-up to this match sucked, the match was pretty poor and the winner just struck me as retarded.
**
3/3 woop woop!

Jeff Hardy's Open Challenge
“I think that this will probably be either the debut of an ex-WWEer such as Shelton Benjamin, or more likely (this is TNA remember) they’ll get some crap undercard guy, maybe Shannon Moore or Suicide. Either way, Jeff to win.”

For fuck’s sake, I was joking about Shannon Moore. That was my nomination for worst case scenario. Let’s step back and look at this. I’m going to cut and paste the roster from Wikipedia and leave the ones who could have done this instead of Moore.


Amazing Red
Brian Kendrick
Desmond Wolfe
Douglas illiams
Eric Young
Hernandez
Homicide
y Lethal
Jeremy Buck
Jesse Neal
Kazarian
Kevin Nash
Magnus
Max Buck
Orlando Jordan
Rob Terry
Samoa Joe
Shark Boy
Sting
Suicide


Looking at the list, the only people who I’d rather see Shannon Moore versus Hardy more than is Rob Terroid, Kevin Nash and maybe Orlando Jordan... No wonder they didn’t reveal it beforehand, no one would have watched it.
Piss poor match, loads of their spots looked really contrived, they were out of time, and they just weren’t very convincing. Still, at least I was right about Jeff Hardy winning.
*
4/4

MCMG versus Beer Money
“Guns have got to win this and I think it will be one of the best matches of the night, if not the year.”

I was right, this was an excellent match and the the Guns retained the strap. This match proved why the Briscoes and the Kings of Wrestling need to go to TNA: TNA do tag-team better than anyone else at the moment.
****½
5/5 – holy shitting Christ, almost a full house... let’s see how I do in the main event.


Rob Van Dam vs Abyss Stairway To Janice Match for the TNA Heavyweight Title
“This match will be shit and RVD will hold on to the strap.”
Wow, TNA perhaps made the most obviously booked PPV (though not really a PPV) ever! This match was shit and RVD kept the strap and there was absolutely no point in Bischoff being ref...
**
6/6 – bang bang! I am Vince Russo!

The ending to The Whole F’ing Show looked pretty promising, with what can only be described as a reverse-invasion angle. Fortune plus Doug Williams and Morgan came in the ring and went to town on the old ECW guys. When I was watching the promo with Dreamer, my mate was saying, “switch it off, this is shit, or at least fast forward” – then the lights went out... “Sting? Sandman?” I’ll admit, this took me by surprise and was pretty entertaining. Hopefully RVD’s injuries are so serious that he will never be in TNA again, hopefully Sabu will stick around and kick some ass (though I didn’t like the fact he ‘broke character’ to do a promo).

Overall, this was an entertaining show. The Angle/AJ and Beer Money/MCMG stopped it from being shit.

*** overall

Next: Summerslam....

That Clown from Outta Town - August 5th iMPACT

Another week, another iMPACT.

I'm looking forward to the MCMG v Beer Money match. Kinda curious about the Jay Lethal v Ric Flair street fight too. Let's hope they actually start with wrestling today. Also, announcing the matches for Hardcore Justice would be nice.

2:49 - Dreamer's on his way to the ring...but dressed to chat, not wrestle. Please don't cry again, Tommy.
6:14 - Best Raven promo ever.
7:19 - FOLEY FOLEY FOLEY
7:44 - Special ref? He's not going to wrestle :'(
9:21 - Knockouts, fast forwarding
10:58 - Oh wait, Hamada...watching.
15:46 - Ref bump...ffs TNA stop with the ref bumps
16:24 - Not the greatest match - Lacey is improving, but she's still too green for TV. Still, new champs so we'll be seeing more of Hamada - the best Knockout.
17:17 - AJ v Rob Terry again - after Rob destroyed Kaz last week in under 30 seconds, we might be seeing two championship changes in as many matches...
18:13 - And as soon as I hear AJ's music, anything seems possible. I love that tune. I was Audiosurf world champion for AJ's theme tune - true story. AJ to retain.
22:42 - AJ got battered, but pulled it out in the end. I love that 450 splash.
24:35 - Angle v AJ - Can't fucking wait
26:02 - Woop woop, Ultimate X coming up :D
27:35 - FFS, TNA - you say Ultimate X is up next, then cut to the Beautiful People scrapping backstage...NOBODY CARES
27:44 - "Trust my ass"...great promo, Velvet.
28:13 - IT'S TIME
32:26 - Bell finally rings...
39:57 - 2nd best huricarana ever.
41:36 - Sliced Bread on the apron...fucking hell
42:26 - Awesome, awesome match. TNA can really pull it out when they want to.
43:00 - What better way to follow that great match than a Bischoff promo? FFS
45:20 - Wow, Hogan looks tired
46:05 - Oh FFS, Bischoff is special ref in the Janice on a pole match
46:41 - Looks like Hard justice is just going to be the special iMPACT next week...so I'm guessing no TNA matches whatsoever at Hardcore Justice :D
51:30 - Sting and Nash kicking ass...finally, the one guy who was kicking the shit out of Bischoff on a regular basis is back :D
53:52 - Pope v Jordan...this could be good.
55:53 - What the fuck.
62:38 - Streetfight time :)
64:24 - It's weird how the Angle angle has gone from Angle saying 'If I lose, it may be my last match' to 'If Angle loses, he MUST RETIRE'...
70:56 - Ridiculous match - it ended up with Flair wearing one sock, one shoe and pants...nothing else. He even got his arse out. FFS. Aside from that, not a bad match though.
73:24 - RVD v Jerry Lynn is the Hardcore Justice main event :D
76:33 - So...you've got RVD, Tommy Dreamer, Raven and Abyss in one match...and they don't book it as a hardcore match. FFS TNA.
81:36 - FUCK YEAH SANDMAN

Awesome iMPACT, main event was a bit shit but apart for that great. MCMG v Beer Money was the highlight, for the 4th week running. Can't wait for PPV.

They only announced 2 matches for Hardcore Justice, I think most of the people showing up are going to be a surprise...I'd love to see Tajiri v Super Crazy, but that's probably the least likely match possible. This is going to be awesome.

Review: TNA Victory Road PPV

The build-up to most of the matches on the Victory Road card was pretty decent, almost all of the matches, apart from the AJ/Kaz versus mystery tag-team made sense, but something about the storytelling has meant that the only matches I give a shit about is the Guns versus Beer Money and Kendrick versus Williams.

In the first match we had Doug Williams defending his X-Division title against Brian Kendrick. The match was set to win by submission or Ultimate X. This stipulation is typical of TNA, but made for a pretty interesting match. The storyline for the match was essentially that Doug Williams had to conquer his fear of heights to get the belt from the Ultimate X. The match built up really well, with the beginning of the match featuring a lot of submission moves, it then built up to some higher-risk moves, culminating in scramble up the Ultimate X. I’m not sure whether it was an angle, but it seemed that Kendrick hurt himself pretty badly in this one. During the match Kendrick landed badly outside of the ring and it seemed like Williams was buying him some time to recover. At the climax of the match, both competitors fell down from the Ultimate X, and looking at the footage, it looked like Kendrick landed on his head and was knocked out. Williams put him in a chokehold from behind and got the submission. On the whole, this was a great match, given the time it deserved to develop, but the ending felt rushed, and rightly so if Kendrick had been hurt.

Next up was a brilliant promo by Bubba Ray. He was intense and angry. I loved the bit where he said to Christie: “Jesse’s a failure, just like your edition of Playboy”, he then goes on to berate Christie, asking her if she’s going to cry. And for a moment, it looked like she was going to. Hilarious. This promo led into the match between Ray, Devon and Jesse. This may win the award for the stupidest start to a match in TNA history: Ray enters. Ray hides. Jesse enters. Jesse doesn’t notice that nobody is in the ring. Jesse gets jumped from behind. Devon’s music plays. Devon doesn’t enter. The camera cuts to show a plank of wood nailed across Devon’s dressing room. Who was the culprit, I hear you cry? Well it makes no sense for it to be Ray, because he made the match. It makes no sense for it to be Jesse, because Devon has been standing up for Jesse. The only person it could be is Shannon Moore. And lo! He enters. And lo! He goes. Devon manages to break the piece of wood. Devon enters the ring. Devon went after Ray. Ray got the pin on Devon. Shit shit shit match, angle, everything. Maybe with Batista leaving WWE, TNA want to bring him in so Devon can be a preacher again? I fucking hope not. Don’t split up the Dudleys, they are worth more than their sum of parts.

Next up was the Knockouts title between Madison Rayne Angelina Love. This was a career match for Angelina with the stipulation that she would automatically get the title if there was outside interference by any other members of the Beautiful People. What a stupid angle. Of course, that wasn’t where the stupidity ended. Firstly, Madison Rayne’s ring attire was some flesh-coloured underwear. And Secondly, a woman, dressed all in black leather and black helmet rode her motorbike to the ring and interfered with the match. Now, I’m pretty sure that the mysterious woman was not one of the BP, and I’m basing this purely on the fact that she didn’t have big enough tits. With the interference, Rayne was disqualified and the title handed to Angelina. With the woman on the bike not being one of the BP, I’m sure this will create some situation next Impact where Rayne comes out and says that it wasn’t one of the BP, but rather someone else (Tara? Alyssa Flash? Maybe?) Thus, she did not break the rules and gets her title back. Rayne hopped on the back of the bike and the mysterious stranger drove away... It’s good to know that a mysterious stranger can get into a live wrestling pay-per-view and drive a motorbike to the ring.

After the thrill and excitement, we cut to a promo with Mr Anderson, who was trying to illustrate a point with a butt-cheek analogy. He wanted Christie to help out, but she was a spoilsport and said no. I’m sure that with the dress she was wearing that this analogy would have looked particularly good. But what can you do?

Next up we had Kaz and AJ versus a mystery tag team. If I was doing a Clown type of review I’m sure it would go something like this:
44:27 - I’ve got a bad feeling about this...
44.40 - Please be Gen Me
45:38 – FFS Rob Terry? SERIOUSLY, WHAT THE FUCK?
46:09 - Why is AJ afraid of Rob Terry?
46:19 - FUCK YEAH. JOE JOE JOE JOE.
This was pretty much my reaction to the start of this match. Talk about a fucking mismatch. You’ve got Joe, who is probably one of the best workers in the company teamed up with Terry, who is probably one of the worst. The match was basically about how Kaz and AJ resolved their differences. Luckily, Joe did most of the work for him and Terry, with Terry coming in to do a few power moves and then going back to the ropes. Joe was brutal throughout. Once AJ and Kaz started working together, Terry came in and threw them around a bit and they both sold like crazy. We then had a run-in by Wolfe who helped AJ and Kaz to get the pin on Terry. What came next was the best bit of the match in my humble opinion. As Wolfe was celebrating with AJ and Kaz, Joe came into the ring and put Wolfe into the Muscle Buster. PLEASE BE THE START OF AN AWESOME FEUD.

Next up was Hernandez versus Matt Morgan in a steel cage match. What I liked about this was that it wasn’t a steel cage match with a stupid stipulation (falls count anywhere cage match at Lockdown anyone?) No laws of wrestling logic were circumvented. It was a simple get out of the cage by the door or climb over the top. The in-ring stuff wasn’t bad, but I had no emotional attachment whatsoever to this match. I really didn’t give a shit which one won. It was a feud which wasn’t really a feud. The breakup of their tag team was done poorly and the rest of their battle limped along like some fat goose with smashed up feet. The match itself wasn’t too bad. It did seem throughout that they were saying “Look! We do blood!” Morgan bled quite early, then showed Hernandez’s blood to the camera on his hands. A few times during this match Hernandez botched up a Border Toss, probably because Morgan is one tall fucker. We then had Hernandez climb to the top of cage and rather than dropping to the other side of a win did a splash from the top, which missed. Then, in a bit which makes absolutely no sense, Morgan cuffs Hernandez to the ring ropes next to the door. Instead of going through the door, Morgan attempts to climb out of the cage. Hernandez was handcuffed, what the fuck could he really do. Whilst Morgan was perched atop of the cage, Hernandez Hulked up, brother, and speared himself out of the cage for the win. Yawn.

Next we cut to a promo with Ric Flair (wooooo!) who was giving his usual crazy-ass promo to Christie, but he came out with the line that Lethal will be so beat up afterwards that he will need breastfeeding from his mother to get over it. Ric Flair, you’re a genius. So the match started and it seems that Lethal is now the Hulk Hogan by proxy that Abyss was, coming out to generic rock music dressed in red and yellow. Hey, maybe TNA could do a storyline where Hogan gives Jay Lethal his Hall of Fame ring to give him magical powers? Anyway, this match wasn’t great, but it was much better than I thought. Flair went for 12 minutes, he didn’t look like shit and he didn’t look embarrassed. If that wasn’t amazing enough, Flair went the whole match without bleeding everywhere. The match was pretty much a tribute to Flair with him and Lethal trading chops, getting in a few back body-drops and each getting in a Figure-Four, with Jay’s getting the win. There was even a spot where Lethal pulled Flair’s trunks down at the back and we got to see Flair’s pruney butt cheeks. They show his ass, but Christie won’t indulge Anderson? This is a harsh world we live in, people. There were some great moments of antagonism between Flair and Earl Hebner. This match had an old skool feel to it, probably because there was an old man in the ring, but also struck me as pretty pointless. Ric Flair has absolutely nothing to prove, and Lethal beat up an old man. Good work.

Next up was a promo with what looked like a Pixar fish, or maybe an Avatar; it was actually Jeff Hardy. He spouted some bullshit and I can’t remember what he was going on about, but he did like a fish and that’s what’s important, right? We cut to Beer Money versus Motor City Machine Guns for the tag belts. TNA gave this match just the right amount of time (about 17 minutes) for what was my favourite match of the night. Both teams worked really well together, there was a great mix of styles and moves, and there were some great double-team moves. As with most great TNA matches, it wouldn’t be complete without a retarded moment. James Storm tried to spit beer into one of the Guns’ faces only for his plan to backfire and blind the ref. With Brian Hebner distracted, Earl decided to take charge and run in to take over refereeing. As Brian’s condition improved rather than Earl take a step back or shoo Brian away there was a double pin fall with Brian and Earl counting at exactly the same time. But who should win? It’s a title match damn it! Oh, the controversy! So with the hullabaloo still ringing in its ears, Earl, as senior official, restarts the match, which lasts for about another minute. Shelley got the pin on Roode and the Guns, yes, the Guns, are now the TNA tag team champions. If this match proves anything it is how awesome tag team wrestling can be.

Next up was Kurt Angle versus the Pope. I thought that this would probably be the best match of the night, but I was wrong. The match was okay, Angle did his usual spots: chain of German suplexes, Angle Slam and Ankle Lock to finish. This match was only about 12 minutes long, and with no build up and no feud, again, there was no emotional investment.

The main event was RVD versus Jeff Hardy, Abyss and Mr Anderson in a four-way match. This match was an anti-climax and was pretty short for a main event at 12 minutes long. There were some pretty cool spots, like a four-man suplex with RVD taking the worst of it, and then RVD taking a crazy bump off of the ramp (why are my favourite bits where RVD gets hurt?). The match was won by RVD who did his Frog Splash onto a pile of Anderson and Hardy to get the pin. Again, the in-ring stuff was fine, I just found myself not giving a shit. The only thing I wanted to see was the strap being taken off RVD, and it didn’t happen. So what has RVD actually done since coming into TNA? He practically had the title handed to him; he had no build up and has not had any feuds. All of his matches have been disappointing and he’s doing the same spots he was doing over a decade ago, only he can’t pull them off as well.

Match Ratings:

Doug Williams (winner) versus Brian Kendrick
***½

Bubba Ray (winner) versus Devon versus Jesse Neal
*½

Taylor Rayne versus Angelina Love (winner)
*

AJ and Kaz (winners) versus Joe and Rob Terry
***

Matt Morgan versus Hernandez (winner)
*

Ric Flair versus Jay Lethal
***

Beer Money versus MCMG (winners)
****

Kurt Angle (winner) versus The Pope
***

RVD (winner) versus Hardy versus Abyss versus Mr Anderson
**½

Overall PPV rating:
**½
Mediocre PPV, had some decent matches which were let down by poor storytelling.

That Clown from Outta Town - iMPACT July 8th 2010

Socko's decided we need avatars so it's easier to tell who's talking. My MS Paint drawing skills suck, so I guess this'll have to do for now.

Anyway, this week's iMPACT. AJ v Kaz to look forward to, other than that there's no real reason for anyone to tune in - no decent storylines going on, no decent matches announced - nothing. TNA really ought to start promoting their shows better, when even their fans don't give a fuck it's a bad sign.

This week, I hope they start with a wrestling match, and I hope they have AJ v Kaz as the main event. I hope to see minimal RVD, Hogan and Bischoff. In fact, I hope Hogan and Bischoff get fired live on air.

1:38 - Apparently, Anderson hitting Hardy with a chair has been a hot controversy all week. Personally, I'd completely forgotten about it. Of course it was an accident though - why bother befriending Hardy over the course of 2 months, saving him from several beatings, just to hit him in the back with a chair one time? Not to mention the fact that Abyss was about to brain Hardy with a nailboard before Anderson ran in, so if he wanted Hardy to get hurt he could have just done nothing. Either it was an accident or the bookers are fucking morons.
1:44 - Oh god, he's coming to the ring to talk :(
5:39 - Why are people cheering a guy calling them assholes? Drooling fucking retards.
6:53 - Ugh, wonky camera crap again
7:18 - AJ seems pissed that he has to wrestle Kaz...AJ YOU FUCKING CHALLENGED HIM, WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU
8:09 - Oh, ffs...AJ v Kaz is the first match...this doesn't make any fucking sense...again. Fucking TNA and their blowing their load early
9:07 - HOLY SHIT RVD v JOE...WHY IS THIS ON iMPACT WITH NO FUCKING BUILD UP? THIS SHOULD BE A PPV MATCH WITH A MONTH'S STORYLINE BEHIND IT TNA YOU FUCKING IDIOTS
14:29 - Decent match (for iMPACT), bullshit ending. 6 minutes just isn't long enough for a decent match. A 15 minute match with a 3 min advert is better than 2 6 minute matches without breaks.
15:46 - Kaz and AJ as a tag team - recipe for awesome :D
16:21 - Oh ffs...I thought the Knockouts were meant to be about wrestling, not T&A?
16:55 - Angelina v Daphne...I think I'll watch this one, even though Madison will blatantly interfere
19:00 - That'll be on Botchamania for sure
19:55 - Wow, no Madison - still, the match was under 4 minutes, what's the fucking point?
21:22 - Madison came out and said she's putting her belt on the line, so what is Angelina putting on the line? FOR FUCKS SAKE THAT'S HOW A CHAMPIONSHIP WORKS YOU FUCKING MONGOLOID
22:18 - Why do people keep putting their careers on the fucking line with Madison? The matches are already booked, they could just tell her to go fuck herself, but instead they keep getting fired like a bunch of fucking retards
25:19 - Woop woop Dudleys on the mic
30:43 - Sweet, Bubba v Jesse v Devon at the PPV :D
30:58 - JOE JOE JOE JOE
31:16 - I really hope Joe fucks RVD up. Like...really fucks him up. For real.
32:00 - 32 mins in and already there's been Joe v RVD and AJ v Kaz...what decent stuff could possibly be left in the show?
32:45 - They haven't said if it's a title match or not...so, guessing RVD will win. If Joe was gonna win they would've mentioned either way.
33:20 - For the first time in ages, a match where I actually care who wins. Kill him, Joe!
34:07 - The crowd agrees - FUCK HIM UP JOE
35:09 - FUCK YEAH, JOE JUST KILLED RVD
39:17 - The commentators seem more interested in Tommy Dreamer being in the crowd than the actual match - Joe is dominating though :D
40:23 - Joe just decapitated RVD with a clothesline
42:07 - Fuck, another decapitation...awesome :D
44:14 - TAP THE FUCK OUT YOU CUNT
44:37 - What the fuck...RVD won :( Fuck TNA
45:00 - Great match, shitty, bullshit ending...I'm hoping for a post match beatdown
46:00 - Now I'm pissed off :/
49:07 - Doug Williams seems to be affecting a Hitler haircut
50:19 - Doug's fear of heights is such bullshit
50:49 - "In England they live in flats, there's no upper level" COMMENTARY FAIL
53:20 - TNA is so fucking stupid - why are they using their champion as a fucking jobber? What fucking sense does that make? Absolutely none. Bunch of shit.
54:38 - What the christ is this promo? Bunch of shit, I'd rather MCMG not get airtime than put this crap on the air
55:44 - 6 man tag, MCMG & Hernandez v Beer Money and Matt MorgzzzzzZZZZZZZ
56:54 - I actually can't be bothered to watch this, fast forwarding
63:35 - For fucks sake, Pope, talk about your fucking PPV match and not fucking Anderson
64:03 - Nash :D
64:30 - Ugh, fucking Hogan
65:22 - Jay Lethal :D
66:42 - Jay Lethal + being serious = crap
66:50 - NOBODY GIVES A SHIT ABOUT YOUR MOTHER, TALK ABOUT WRESTLING FFS
68:12 - Wow, Ric Flair actually said something I agree with...
72:05 - A truly fucking awful in ring promo from Flair
72:34 - Ugh, shitty main event coming up
73:45 - This match will be shit, fast forwarding
74:07 - Oh wait, promo...I'll watch
74:40 - What the fuck was that? Say something interesting or keep your fucking mouth shut Anderson
75:09 - Ok, really fast forwarding this time
80:46 - Cool, here comes the nailboard :D
81:16 - Ugh, confiscated...fast forwarding
82:20 - Fucking RVD again...please come out and destroy him Joe

Another shitty iMPACT, two decent matches which both had shitty endings, and the rest was boring. PPV looks shit too. Fuck TNA.

If there was another weekly wrestling show, I'd be ready to jump ship. WWE isn't wrestling, ROH isn't that great and is difficult to find, nobody else does a weekly show that I know of. This fucking sucks. If PWG were easier to get hold of in my area (i.e. not the USA), I'd jump ship today and only go back to TNA when Hogan, Bischoff and Russo leave. As it is, I have to choose between watching this shit every week, and not watching wrestling altogether :(

EDIT: And this is coming from someone who considers themselves a TNA fan...

Greatest Matches Ever!: AJ Styles vs. Abyss, TNA Lockdown, April 2005

I've made no secret of the fact that I think that Abyss is a waddling fat fuck who doesn't deserve to be given the push that he is at the moment. But, there was a time when Abyss was in shape and put on a decent match. The match I want to share with you today is a great cage match with one of the most brutal ref bumps I think I've ever seen. It just goes to show how bad Abyss is today. Maybe its because he's a face, or maybe because he's now 'in excess' of 350 pounds, who knows?
Anyway, enjoy:




I miss 6 sides of steel :(

Review: TNA Slammiversary VIII

After 23 days in the wilderness, I’m back. So let’s not waste time and get to the review of TNA’s Slammiversary VIII. Before watching the PPV I caught up on the Impacts from the past three weeks and was surprised by the low key build-up for many of the matches, oh apart from Hardy/Anderson teaming up and the ‘Why Sting, why?’ angle still being as funny as hell. Why Sting, why?

The first match of the evening was a welcome surprise, but one, which upon reflection, fits in perfectly with Angle starting at the bottom (well, number 11) of the TNA top 10 rankings. TNA and consistent storylines don’t usually happen, so I’m interested to see how this one pans out. Anyway, in the opening match we had Kazarian and Kurt Angle. This is how a PPV or an episode of Impact should open, with a decent match. Of course, the match was so good that it probably made the rest of the show not look as good. The crowd intensity peaked during this match, so the rest of the event was just a little bit quieter (but thank God, throughout the first match one shrill scream could be heard throughout the match, which was most disconcerting, whoever that screaming woman was, would you please shut the fuck up in future?). What made me laugh was when the fans were chanting ‘USA USA USA’; who was that for exactly? Angle, who’s American or Kaz, who also happens to be an American? Give yourselves a pat on the back for that one.

There were some pretty awesome moves during this one, with Kaz having the upperhand early on even getting Angle with the Ulmari driver (that reverse tombstone thing), which with Angle’s neck the way it is, was pretty nasty. Angle beat Kaz with the ankle lock and moved up in the rankings.

Next up was Brian Kendrick versus Doug Williams for the X Division title. This match had been set up with Williams being against the high-flying style of the X-Division. Which is why Kendrick (also a heel, I might add) spent most of the match brawling in the ring with Douglas. Douglas then finished the match with one of the most uncomfortable and least graceful Tornado DDTs I think I’ve ever seen. With Kendrick grounded, the storyline just didn’t make a lot of sense, and with Kendrick avoiding the mic like someone’s offering him a poo to smell the match had little build-up. The only thing I learnt through Impact is that Kendrick is a psycho.... just like Nailz... Instead of Kendrick, they should have had Amazing Red, at least the disparity in styles would have been more pronounced and the crowd would have given a shit. Overall though, not a bad match

Next we had a bit with Eric Bischoff asking ‘Why Sting, why?’ Yawn. He then went on to talk about how great Rob Van Dam is. Yawn. Bischoff makes a great heel, but when he’s a babyface he is completely boring. If TNA need to have Eric Bischoff (which they don’t), then bring back Sleazy E, at least that way he’ll be vaguely entertaining.

Next up was Roxxi versus Madison Rayne for the Knockouts title. I must have been in the mood for self-flagellation because I knew this was going to be a stinker, but watched it anyway to see how bad it would be. The match began with Madison coming to the ring and takes the mic, she starts moaning to Roxxi that she has everything to lost and Roxxi has everything to gain, clearly not realising defending a title is meant to work. The match becomes a title versus career match, and as Roxxi was agreeing, Madion smacked her in the head with the mic and busted he wide open. It looked like a blade job, but it wasn’t. What it confirmed was that Roxxi is actually the daughter of Ric Flair, because no one else bleeds like that. Madison won, but when it comes to it, the Knockouts division is a joke now (they bring in a fat stripper, but ignore Hamada and Sarita, what the fuck?) and when it comes to it Roxxi’s been in about three matches this year, so she hadn’t exactly made waves on TNA. Not quite the stinker I thought it would be, but still a pretty poor match.

Next up was Brother Ray versus Jesse Neal in a Teacher versus Student match. This storyline from the beginning struck me a being weak and made Brother Ray look like a bit of a dick. Anyway, the match began with Brother Ray taking to the mic and apologising for being an arse candle and there were hugs all round. Just in case you forgot, this is a PPV, use the build up to cut promos... for fuck’s sake... but wait! Shock upon shock! It was all a ruse. Brother Ray socked Jesse on the head and threw him about 10 foot to the other side of the ring... much better, can we have some wrestling now please? The match played out like a squash match with Brother Ray beating on Jesse throughout. But then, I think we had the earth-shattering arrival of... Tommy Dreamer? Now don’t get me wrong, Tommy Dreamer was great, but that was over a decade ago. Also, he was retired by Zack Ryder (yes, the Raw jobber who’s still yet to win a match on Raw), which doesn’t exactly make him look like the most dominant of wrestlers. Hopefully his role will be similar to what Shane Douglas’s was back in the early days of TNA, or maybe he’ll bring Taz out of retirement. But honestly, I can’t see where he would fit in an already top-heavy roster. Anyway, with the distraction of Dreamer appearing in the crowd, Jesse took Brother Ray down with a spear for the pin. Pretty mediocre match.

Next up was Hernandez versus Matt Morgan, which was one of the few matches on this PPV I was excited about. The match began with Morgan coming out in his normal clothes, wearing a neck brace and selling a neck injury. He comes to the ring and, because this is a PPV, takes the mic to cut a promo. He handed the ref a doctor’s note which said he could not ‘perform’ (don’t say that, people will find out that wrestling’s fake!). As he walked away from the ring Hernandez arrived and threw him into the ring. Two matches in a row and two attempted swerves... don’t use the same gimmick two matches running. Anyway, the match was pretty evenly matched most of the way through with Hernandez working on Morgan’s neck and then Morgan going to work on Supermex’s shoulder. With months of aggression building up in Hernandez in his bid to get revenge over Morgan, how did the match end? With Supermex getting DQed for throwing the ref, I’m not even kidding. The brawling continued until the referee tried to stand in front of a kick and go smacked in the chest. This match was pretty disappointing and had a pointless ending. Let’s hope that Supermex reforms LAX again.

Next up was an interview with Hulk Hogan who was asking ‘Why Sting, why?’ Complaining that Sting had crossed the line (which is what I thought TNA was all about: their tagline is ‘Cross the Line’ for fuck’s sake, but of course Hogan wouldn’t know that because he’s only in it for his own ego). Hogan then went on to talk about ‘the code of ethics’ wrestlers have and that they shouldn’t destroy other wrestler’s careers. Now I’m not one to split hairs here, but hasn’t Hogan been cited by numerous sources as one of the main reasons for the fall of WCW and why many young wrestlers in WCW did not get a push? Anyway...

Next up was Abyss versus Desmond Wolfe in a Monster’s Ball match. Though you might to know it, Desmond Wolfe is one of the best technical wrestlers in TNA, if not the industry (watch some of his matches with Kurt Angle or Bryan Danielson on YouTube to see what I mean), so what do TNA do with such a gifted talent? They get him to hit Abyss over the head with a kendo stick a few times. These type of matches had their place about 10-15 years ago, but they just piss me off now. Why TNA still insists on these is beyond me. Abyss took some pretty hard shots with bin lids and a kendo stick and gets cut up with a board wrapped in barbed wire. It seemed odd that TNA would couple a hardcore match with a goofy ‘Beauty and the Beast’ style storyline. I’ve got to admit that I nearly pissed myself laughing when Desmond Wolfe pulled a teddy bear, wrapped in barbed wire, out of one of the bins. Hardcore! The match came to a climax and Wolfe wanted his brass knuckles from Chelsea (not realising that the ring was scattered with other potential sources of injury for Abyss). But... Shock upon shock! Chelsea gave the knuckles to Abyss who socked Wolfe and put him in a Black Hole Slam and getting the pin. Chelsea was stood, barbed-wired teddy bear in hand, aww... At this point I was expecting an anthropomorphic teapot to start a chorus with the teddy bear, singing a song about beauty being more than skin-deep or something. This match was just stupid... though I’m looking forward to the Match made in Heaven between Abyss and Chelsea booked for the next PPV... maybe...

Next up was, for me, one of the highlights of the PPV, Jay Lethal versus AJ. I’m really glad to see Lethal getting a push, he’s still got his comedy stuff, but now he’s himself which is great. I thought his entrance theme sucked donkey anus. I know they’ve dropped the Black Machismo gimmick, but they really needn’t have given him some generic rock music. Would have been funnier, even if it was for the short-term, for Lethal to come out to Flair’s theme, or at least a reworking of it, but what do I know?

The match was really good, and saw Lethal and AJ at their best. For some reason though, the crowd was a bit flat, maybe they’d yawned themselves to sleep with the Beauty and the Beast match? Lots of Flair-style chops and figure-four leg locks throughout. AJ even gave a nod to one of the other Horsemen, Arn Anderson, with a pretty nasty looking brain buster on Lethal. Wrestlers should watch this match to learn how to sell. With Lethal working on AJ’s knee we had AJ limping around a bit, then when it looked like AJ was going to suddenly forget about his injury and go up-top, his knee went from under him on the second rope. This is such a small detail, but one which certain wrestlers could learn from *cough* ROB VAN DAM *cough*. Lethal won with the pin... a very good match.

At the end of the match we saw a bit of a dressing down on AJ by Flair, and Kaz came out to calm him down. Flair reminded of the character Pop from League of Gentlemen when he finds out that his son was robbed:



I was hoping at this point in the match that Kaz would start kicking the shit out of AJ, but alas, he took Flair away and we are left with hints of a feud between Kaz and AJ which could be pretty cool.

Next up was the match between Hardy/Anderson, sorry, the Enigmatic Assholes, and Beer Money. Even though they’d spent far too much time hyping this match up on Impact, I had completely forgotten about it by the time it came on. On the whole, this wasn’t a bad match; it was just a bit dull. Beer Money lost, and nobody cared.

Finally, we had the main event Rob van Dam versus Sting. I really wanted to see RVD get beaten to a pulp with a baseball bat, but it wasn’t my night. Unsurprisingly RVD won. Unsurprisingly RVD didn’t sell or display any in-ring psychology. Unsurprisingly, Rob Van Dam did that thing with his arms to get people to chant his initials at every available opportunity. Unsurprisingly, Van Dam did the same spots he was doing over a decade ago. Unsurprisingly, there was a ref bump and a run-in by Jarrett. Unsurprisingly, the match was unsurprising. The amount of times I groaned and tutted during this match made me sound like I was speaking some weird African dialect.

Woooo!!!! Mr TNA won!!!! Woooo!!!! RVD RVD RVD!!!!! Whole fucking show!!!! Woooo!!!!

I’m now officially sick of RVD. He got handed the championship and he’s a boring egomaniac. TNA have always bumped ex-WWE wrestlers to the top of their roster without realising that it is damaging for them in the long-run. TNA are doing the right thing with Jay Lethal, letting him find his feet then putting him over when he was ready. Rob Van Dam is not Mr TNA, at the moment, that would go to AJ, or Lethal, or Kaz, or whoever really. If TNA ever want to compete with WWE on a serious level, they need to put their own home grown talent above the ex-WWEers, otherwise they’ll always be seen as the company that repackages the WWE rejects. One of the reasons that WCW failed was because they didn’t spend enough time building up their own talent. The WWE spends time building characters up. Look at Steve Austin, who was the Ring Master when he came to WWE, or Reverend Batista, or Johnny Nitro, or Rocky Maivia, or Hunter Hirst Helmsley... you get the picture.

Ahh, it’s good to be back at the helm of the good ship Socko...

That Clown from Outta Town - May 27th iMPACT

iMPACT time again. Hopefully Sting will attack wrestlers I don't like all night again. Plus, I want to see what happens to The Band following Scott Hall's arrest (although that may have happened after the show was taped - not sure), and I hope to see Angle vs Kaz - I want to get to Angle vs Joe ASAP! Please start with wrestling not talking this week TNA!

1:35 - Ooh, Band vs 3D vs Ink Inc :)
1:49 - Kaz vs Lethal - awesome :)
2:48 - Jeff, please be coming to fight, not to flap your lips.
3:51 - Ugh, talking :(
7:12 - Here comes AJ :D Hope this turns into a 3-way...
9:54 - Why does AJ look like a waxwork of himself?
11:11 - FUCK YEAH RING THE BELL
14:20 - Let's go Jesse! Show no mercy! Love TNA fans :)
18:48 - Cool, Jesse vs Bubba...hope it's no DQ!
20:29 - Whoa, RVD mentioning his opponent - is that a first?
21:04 - Kaz v Lethal :D Can't wait, this could easily be match of the night.
21:51 - Just noticed Lethal has new entrance music - guess Black Machismo is over :'(
29:43 - Cool match, slightly ruined by the postmatch drama, but at least Lethal slapped the shit out of Flair so it's all good :)
30:46 - Looks like Orlando Jordan laid out Shannon? He did that card thing before iirc...
32:15 - Here comes OJ...with Abyss stickers on his nipples? What?
32:53 - Abyss vs OJ - bit out of the blue. I'm sure Wolfe will be along shortly.
38:48 - Whoomp, there it is - haha, 'Get up, bubblegum'
39:47 - Freakbuster? Looks like a chokeslam to me...
40:38 - Here comes RVD - FUCK HIM UP STINGER
47:47 - They're promoting midget wrestling on TNA now...way to raise your profile.
49:33 - I was actually going to watch this match - Wilde and Sarita are pretty good - but they've got the midget wrestling guy on commentary. Fuck that. Fast forwarding.
56:28 - WOLFE V HARDY - This is either gonna be great, or a huge letdown. Don't fuck it up, TNA.
57:18 - FUCK YEAH ANGLE - Tell 'em, Kurt!
57:50 - Oh, he's commentating.
58:20 - Just realised, Kurt vs the top ten means Kurt vs Wolfe again as well as the Joe match - this is fucking awesome. I love this angle. Can't fucking wait for the Joe match though. Hope they have another red hot feud to hype it up, there was a time when I thought those two were going to kill each other.
61:00 - This match looks to be pretty good so far...please don't fuck it up with a run-in Abyss/Anderson/AJ/whoever
66:30 - Neat match, shame about the copout ending - I'd be happy to see these two go at it at PPV though
67:03 - Morgan's back :) FUCK HIM UP JOE
68:56 - Morgan issuing an open challenge for a tag partner - I'd love to hear Hernandez's music right about now :)
69:16 - Anderson calling out Angle? Is he mad?
71:24 - FUCK YEAH JOE FUCK EM UP JOE
72:18 - Joe and Angle eye to eye...you can cut the tension with a knife...Joe v Angle is going to be fucking awesome
73:24 - Cool, AJ vs Anderson...I'd usually write off an Anderson match before the bell rings but it's AJ...I'll give it a shot ;)
84:26 - Neat match, the post match drama wasn't much to write home about but I guess it continues the Hardy/Anderson love-in...

Pretty good iMPACT this week :) Joe vs Morgan seems to be brewing, Joe v Angle is going to be awesome, Jesse v Bubba is getting pretty hot...Sting v RVD is kinda going off the boil a little, Wolfe v Hardy will be great if it escalates into a feud - their match was pretty good until the ref bump. No Hogan, no Bischoff and minimal RVD makes for a great iMPACT, it seems.

Some suggestions for TNA should any of them actually read this:

1. Put Red back on TV! He's awesome! The fans love him!
2. Bring back Pope! Or at least update us on his condition! The fans love him!
3. BRING BACK SHARK BOY! THE FANS LOVE HIM!

Review: TNA Sacrifice 2010

So, with my drunken and incoherent ramble over The Clown’s predictions late last night, I figured it was time to write a more considered review.



The first thing I need to say about Sacrifice is that two things completely sucked: the crowd and Tazz’s announcing. I’m usually a fan of Tazz’s commentaries, but, man, he was seriously off his game this time. For most of the PPV, the crowd were flat; they didn’t seem to give a shit about the matches. Maybe this is because the PPV was in the Impact Zone, or maybe it’s because TNA management hadn’t spent much time building up any of the matches for people to really give a shit about who wins or loses. Also, it seems that JB has been promoted to ring announcer...

First up we had the number one contenders’ match for the tag team titles between Motor City Machine Guns, Beer Money and 3D. It wasn’t the greatest match I’ve seen these guys in, the Dudleys were kept out of it for most the match so it seemed like MCMG versus Beer Money. The crowd were flat until the final moment of the match when Sabin got the pin on Brother Ray.

Next up was the Global Championship between Roid Terry and Orlando Jordan. The build up to this match was centred around that bi-sexual gimmick, which as The Clown pointed out, is just daft. What came out of this match was the real feeling that Terry really can’t wrestle for shit and that Jordan is actually a decent performer and doesn’t need to go for the Goldust angle. Terry won with what Tazz described as “a spine-buster like move” – looked like a choke slam to me. Considering Terry is basically a crapper version of Batista, this match wasn’t that bad. Jordan’s move-set is pretty old-skool and it’s nice to see a good old fashioned leg-drop every now and again. TNA really need to get rid of Rob Terry; the guy’s a fucking joke. It’s probably for the best that TNA did away with the ‘gay’ angle, but if you’re going to build up a storyline into a match you should at least carry it on. Knowing TNA, the O-Zone will be back on Thursday and Jordan will come out looking like he’s been the spunk mop in a brothel.

After the match, we cut to a backstage promo which shows the Dudleys in their locker room licking their wounds. Ink Inc. (eugh, that name) go in and the Dudleys wish them luck and warn them that the Band might take their gripe with the Dudleys out on them. Neal say that they don’t need luck and they’ll take care of the Band for them. This pisses of Bubba, and after Ink Inc. leaves he rants to Devon about lack of respect, blah blah.

The third match of the evening was Kazarian versus Doug Williams for the X-Division title. I love the fact that this angle was written by an Icelandic volcano, but it was a pretty decent angle nonetheless. I was looking forward to this match because not only are Kazarian and Williams two of TNA’s most underrated stars, they also have two of the best finishers in the company. The match was pretty decent but was spoilt by a flat crowd and poor commentary; Tazz’s piss-poor announcing was saved by Taney’s wit, when he said something like “Kaz took a year out of the business and everyone thought it would be career suicide” – geddit? Suicide? Kaz was Suicide, he didn’t really leave. Geddit? The match worked really well with the angle of Williams hating the high-risk style of the X-Division and saw Kazarian going to work with some good, solid, technical wrestling. It was Williams who resorted to a high-risk move, going of the top rope and smacking Kaz’s face into the entrance ramp. I don’t know if this was done on purpose, but this was a nice subtle tough which added some complexity and hypocrisy to Williams’ character. There were some pretty cool moves in the match including a brain-buster variation and of course his Chaos Theory for the win. I would have liked to have seen Kaz’s fucked up backwards piledriver thing, but no such luck. I think Kazarian may be the only X-Division title holder to not actually have possession of the belt.

Next up was for the Knockout’s Championship between Tara and Madison Rayne, with Tara putting her career on the line if she didn’t win. It was no secret that her contract was up, so it was a bit of a pointless match. The Knockout division used to be pretty interesting as far as women’s wrestling goes. With characters like Hamada, Roxxi, Awesome Kong, Alisa Flash, etc. The Knockouts Division wasn’t the joke it is today. To my reckoning, this may have been Madison’s first one-on-one match on TV in TNA (which is a good feat for a single’s title holder!) The match stunk, and you could see that Tara was trying to make it look like a good match. Poor Tara. The crowd were in particularly bad form, especially for a career match; they didn’t seem to give a shit when she was pinned. It was only when Tara was being escorted away by security that a few chants of “thank you Tara” started up. Poor Tara; her last match and it was awful.

Next we had a short promo of Eric Young with Band. It seems that Eric Young may have his tongue firmly embedded into his cheek in this promo. He says something along the lines of “look at the players in TNA, nothing but wannabes and has-beens. I am the only one cool enough to hang out with the Band.” This made me laugh so hard I nearly popped a shit. Eric Young sounds like some geeky kid in primary school who’s been allowed to hang out with the cool kids... hahahaha! Because Hall and Nash are pretty old and can either, hardly walk, or are too fat to do much cardio-vascular stuff, Nash announced that the Band held the title, not just Hall and Nash. So, like the Fabulous Freebirds, any combination could defend the title at any given time. I glad that go cleared up.

So onto the tag team title match between the Band and Ink Inc. Contrary to what Nash had hinted at only moments before, it was actually Hall and Nash who waddled and limped to the ring, leaving EY backstage presumably to look after Hall and Nash’s grandkids or something. Unsurprisingly, this match was another stinker. Both Nash and Hall look so slow and bumbly in the ring, it’s not even funny anymore. The ref got knocked out, EY came out with a kendo stick. There was a bit of a kerfuffle. Brother Ray came out and interfered, beating on Jesse Neal. The Band retained the titles. Yawn.

Next we had the Ring vs Chelsea match between Abyssmal (geddit?) and Desmond Wolfe. Now, I didn’t realise that TNA condone white slavery, but clearly they do, as the stipulation if Wolfe lost was that Chelsea would become Abyss’s slave for 30 days in a boring Beauty and the Beast style set-up. Abyss looked pretty funny waddling around the ring with Wolfe. It must have been difficult for Wolfe going up against such a lame competitor. The match began with Wolfe being attacked on the ramp by Abyss while Chelsea sat watching from a throne (don’t ask, I don’t know). Again Tazz was coming out this some lame lines, though I nearly wet myself when he said that Chelsea “probably wants to throw up in her own mouth” – seriously, Tazz, what the fuck? So with Chelsea tasting bile in the back of her throat, Abyss choke slams Wolfe. Chelsea distracted Abyss and threw some brass knuckles into the ring. Wolfe smacked Abyss in the head and he goes down quicker than your mother for a can of cider. Wolfe goes in for the pin and Abyss gets up. This is where the match got fucking stupid. Abyss started Hulking up, Wolfe kept hitting Abyss, but for some reason he was immune to its effects. Abyss took Wolfe up for a Black Hole Slam for the pin. Victorious, Abyss spoke to Chelsea and spit went flying from his mouth onto her face and onto the camera lens; it was fucking disgusting. Poor Chelsea.

Next up we have Anderson and Hardy. I can’t actually remember what these guys are feuding about, but Anderson cut one of the best promos I’ve seen all year. I was literally laughing out loud, lol. I love it when small things in promos catch on. Getting the crowd chanting “I’m an asshole” was brilliant. I’m looking forward to seeing how this will work on TV. Will Spike censor the crowd every time this chant starts? I hope so, it will be like listing to the audio equivalent of a strobe light. This was probably the first time in the evening that the crowd started to get into the show, which made for better viewing and made for better in-ring performances. The match started with Anderson grounding Hardy for the first few minutes; there’s some pretty decent wrestling going on, but nothing even close to the level of Anderson and Angle at Lockdown. The match starts to step up when Hardy uses a chair to catapult himself towards Anderson in a textbook Sabu style dive over the top rope. Both competitors pulled out their usual signature moves, with Hardy doing a Swanton Bomb from the top rope for the win. The match ended with what could possibly be a double turn: Anderson held offered a handshake to Hardy, who refused and left him standing in centre of the ring.

We then cut to a promo with AJ Styles, who tells Christie that “these are dark times for TNA” – indeed they are, indeed they are. Poignantly we are now ready for one of the most pointless matches of the evening. I didn’t give a shit about this match, TNA hadn’t even bothered to build it up and the announcing was just awful throughout. “Why Sting? Why?” The match itself lasted for less than a minute and was really just a pre-match brawl in which Jarrett showed us his best Ric Flair impression by bleeding everywhere with that crazy bright red blood that only wrestlers seem to have running through their veins. Once they finally get in the ring, Sting does a Scorpion Death Drop and gets the pin-fall. Why Sting? Why? Sting continues his beat down and puts Jarrett’s shoulders between the ring steps and a baseball bat and stomps a couple of times. It is at this point that Hogan rushes out and, erm, does fuck all, but this ends the beat down. Why Sting? Why? Why didn’t Sting end on a high at Bound for Glory? Why Sting? Why?

Finally, we come to the main event. On paper, this is a dream match for me: AJ Styles versus Rob Van Dam. This match had some great moments, but I found it quite boring on the whole. The match was very slow to start with lots of posturing and stalling by both parties. At every opportunity during the match, RVD stood in the ring doing that arm thing in time with his name. Enough already! Flair came down to ringside only to be flanked by Lethal who gets him with some chops and a Figure Four Leglock. This was the best bit of the match. RVD did his Frog Splash and won, retaining the title and being a boring champion for at least another month... good to see Lethal in a main event though!

Clown's Sacrifice predictions revisited...

So, I just watched Sacrifice and it wasn't the best PPV I've seen.
Worst moments: Rob Terry selling like a spastic to Jordan.
Highlight: Mr Kenderson's promo.
Realisations: Hardy is not a great wrestler, but has good moments. RVD is doing my head in and should fuck off back to the indies so he can point at himself and people to chant his initials.

And why did Abyss drool all over Chelsea?
Anyway, onto the Clown's predictions:


Clown's Sacrifice Predictions

MATT MORGAN vs SAMOA JOE

Didn't happen, but would have been better than RVD vs AJ...

3D vs BEER MONEY vs MCMG

Flair's boys (Beer Money) will get the 1-2-3. - Nope, went to MCMG - maybe they'll get a title at last?

THE BAND vs INK INC.

The Band. No way would they win the belts on Thursday only to lose them on Sunday...and why bother abruptly ending the Morgan/Ink feud so they can get the belts from The Band instead of Morgan? That is, of course, unless 3D interferes in which case the belts will go to their boy Jesse Neal.

So close with the prediction... Bubba Ray took out Neal, Band won.

MADISON RAYNE vs TARA

Who gives a fuck? (Madison to win, Tara's contract is up, but I really don't care...bring back Kong, give Alyssa Flash and Hamada a big push, and I might actually start watching the knockouts again...Wylde is good, but she's not so good she can carry an entire division on her back - nobody is.) - yup

ROB TERRY vs ORLANDO JORDAN

Tough to call...Jordan has laid out Terry on iMPACT the last two weeks with no comeback, which would usually point to a Terry win...but I have a feeling in my gut that this one will run a while longer. It's a coin toss...I'm gonna go Jordan I think. -
Terry won, but Jordan is so much better in the ring than Rob Roidy

WOLFE vs ABYSS

I hope I'm wrong, but Abyss to win. I only hope it's a decent match, and not a one-sided squash like I suspect it'll be. If Wolfe wins, it won't be clean.

EDIT: Just remembered the Chelsea vs Ring stipulation...I can't see Abyss and Chelsea together after this week's iMPACT, but I can see Wolfe going 'Hahaha I got the ring'. Wolfe to win.

- wrong... this storyline is fucking retarded.

2ND EDIT: I just found out that the 'Chelsea becomes Abyss's manager' stipulation is only for 30 days, not permanant. Abyss to win.

- yup

KAZ vs DOUG

Kaz to win. They wouldn't have stripped Doug of the belt and given it to Kaz if he wasn't going to win the 3-way at Lockdown anyway. Joe to do a run-in and batter the winner if he doesn't fight Morgan.

- Williams won, but I'm sure Kaz will cash in his rematch and get the title...

ANDERSON vs HARDY

Anderson to win by screwjob. I have a feeling that Pope might show up and prove me wrong, but if Pope's not there I can see this feud running a little longer.

- nope, pretty dull match, Hardy won. Hardy looked a mess. Anderson gave promo of the year.

RVD vs AJ

RVD to win :(

- this match pwas bullshit. Kurt Angle is Mr TNA, not this stoner prick who was good a decade ago. Oh look he's doing that arm thing again and getting people to chant his initials... yeaaaaahhhh!!!! ...wish I was mates with Hogan....


STING vs JEFF JARRETT

Hard to say, neither one of them was on iMPACT this week so tough to know where they're going with this angle...the booking for this so far has been a mess. Another cointoss...I'm gonna say Sting. No, Jarrett. No...I honestly don't know.
- Sting, and the match was a joke.

Summary: Bullshit PPV, RVD can fuck off. Wolfe, AJ and Anderson shouldn't be jobbing... Orlando Jordan is underrated... Doug Williams should kick Rob Terry's face off and get two belts... Kevin Nash looks like a disabled old tramp... Ramone looks like a rapist... Let's go asshole

AJ Styles on Hulk Hogan

I found this clip on 'tube of AJ Styles talking about Hulk Hogan back in 2005.

The Clown from Outta Town - May 3rd iMPACT

Apparently, I'm 'Gonzo', whatever that means. Anyway, here's iMPACT:

1:36 - First thing you see is two old men talking in a car. FFS. I tuned into wrestling, not Grumpy Old Men. Start with a bang for once. Start with Joe vs Red. Start with Pope vs Wolfe. Start with Jesse Neal + Shannon Moore vs 3D. Anything but blah blah blah old men who don't wrestle.
2:20 - I can't stand the new theme tune. It's a tune WWE would have for their D show.
3:24 - The Summit between Hogan & Sting. No way will Jarrett intervene. That's inconceivable.
3:55 - Hahaha, they're running from Mondays with their tails between their legs.
4:12 - TNA Reaction? Hopefully it'll be just the X-Division + tag teams...
5:29 - New Jay Lethal gimmick :D Hopefully this is the start of the push he deserves.
8:40 - I'm in stitches. Here comes the real Flair...this is either going to get better or much, much worse.
10:44 - Ugh, soap opera drama.
13:29 - And a pointless beatdown. Sigh.
13:55 - And here comes the monster :D
14:11 - Well, that didn't last long...
14:20 - And here's the artillery :D
15:02 - Wait, what? The Monster Abyss - no fear. Team 3D - no fear. RVD (the smallest guy there) - run like frightened bunnies? WTF??
15:24 - So, awesome promo, ruined by an old ex-wrestler talking, followed by disproportionately putting a new, big-name signing over when it would have been better to have established stars do it? Christ, that's a microcosm of the entire fucking company.
15:30 - FUCK OFF I DON'T CARE ABOUT OLD MEN IN CARS
18:45 - Oh god, more brawling. Here's an idea - why not schedule a wrestling match for your wrestling show?
19:24 - So let me get this straight - Hogan was driving AWAY from the iMPACT Zone for 15 minutes, then turned the car around and made it back to the arena in 4 minutes?? What the fuck is this shit?
21:31 - FUCK YEAH DESMOND WOLFE GETS A MATCH! Please be Joe please be Joe please be Joe
21:42 - Oh no, he's just going to be putting RVD over. FFS. At least it's a title shot I guess.
22:03 - Monster's Ball on iMPACT? Nice :)
22:36 - 3 way tag match...also nice :)
23:00 - Ok, they're putting together a decent show - but why the hell did they waste 20+ mins on drama when they could have gone right into it?
24:04 - Did Velvet get new implants? Tits seem bigger than usual.
24:44 - Yay, Douggie :)
26:07 - Yay, Jesse :)
26:33 - Countdown to Morgan commencing...
27:51 - Whoomp there it is
27:56 - HOLY SHIT FLYING FOOTSTOMP he looked like he actually stomped his head
30:21 - Was that Jesse's first pin? Awww, they grow up so fast :3
30:56 - JOE JOE JOE JOE
31:39 - FUCK YEAH MUSCLE BUSTER
32:07 - He's got the mic! TELL 'EM, JOE
32:17 - Best promo ever :D FUCK YEAH JOE
38:00 - As bored as I am of Mr Anderson...the choirboy outfit is hilarious.
46:05 - Oh wow, comedy pants. What an amazing gimmick. Anderson is truly awesome.
46:49 - Knockouts - fast forwarding.
53:15 - Awesomeness incoming.
57:52 - Sigh. Hall & Nash. Good match ruined by old men who haven't been relevant in years. Again.
58:51 - Woo, Eric Young in The Band! Finally, they have someone worth mentioning. I hope he's the leader.
60:11 - The O Zone. I'll check it out this week, but I have a sneaky suspicion this is the future star of fast forwarding.
63:48 - Oh, hopefully it's a one-off.
65:15 - Monsters Ball :D
65:42 - I keep hearing AJ's music and being like - Yay, AJ :D Then I remember the stupid highlights, the ridiculous earrings, and the fact that Flair is never far behind, and I'm like - Oh. Yeah. :(
71:14 - AJ wins fair and square :)
71:58 - Desmond v RVD. Lets go Desmond *clap clap clap clap*
72:39 - I like RVD, but it's starting to annoy me how much TNA *want* me to like him.
76:00 - Disappointing match. Dissapointingly short too.
77:45 - Tenay just hit the nail on the head. WCW was over a decade ago. Which is EXACTLY FUCKING WHY they shouldn't be shortening a potentially amazing match to see two old men talk to each other about something nobody gives a fuck about any more.
79:19 - Everyone's been anticipating this for months? Are you fucking mad? NOBODY CARES, WE WANT WRESTLING
83:39 - DO IT STING
84:12 - This iMPACT was like a bacon, turkey, stuffing and mayonaise sandwich, made with the cheapest brown bread available. The middle was fucking awesome, but the stuff either side of it was substandard. Fire Russo. Fire Bishoff.

TNA Impact! - 19th April

Off the back of Lockdown, this week's Impact was fucking awesome, with two PPV main event quality matches. The first being RVD vs Jeff Hardy. I was suprised to see that Hardy was coherent and on great form, especially after jumping off a ladder perched on top of a steel cage through a table. Both men put on a great match, RVD's 3rd in 24 hours. The match was as violent and reckless as you'd expect from these guys, with lots of high-risk moves and crashes into the guard rails. The winner of the match was RVD who went on to challenge AJ for the world title. Again, this was an excellent match and shows the importance of both competitors being on form for a match. The match ran rings around the previous night's match between AJ and Pope, and RVD is now the TNA World Champion. Cynics might suggest that RVD becoming champion was a pre-requisit of him coming to TNA... I'm one of those cynics.
With the longest title reign in TNA history, AJ has been an excellent champion and, contrary to my initial doubts, has turned into a great heel. But of course, when you have so many top wrestlers like RVD, Hardy, Wolfe, etc. it's inevitable that AJ would start to be pushed down the bill.
Highlight of the night: The return of Samoa Joe. Just like when he came to TNA from ROH, Joe came in and dominated, as a secret partner in the Lethal Lockdown rematch with Team Hogan, he came in and showed the viewers exactly why Joe is a top contender in TNA. I still think the guy needs to do some sit-ups though.