TNA Against All Odds - predictions revisted

This was not a good show. Jesse really hurt himself, and from what I can gather is in a pretty bad way: broken neck, can't feel legs. Next day on Raw we had Ryder in a goofy neck-brace, fuck you WWE.

Anyways, let's see how I did:

"TNA World Heavyweight Title Match
James Storm vs. Bully Ray vs. Jeff Hardy vs. Bobby Roode

This match feels like bad booking. This should be a three-way at most, TNA should hold off on Storm FFS.
I can see Roode holding on until Lockdown, will probably get a pin on Bully Ray. Some kind of ref bump will stop both Storm and Hardy from winning."

1-0 it was a pin on Hardy after bullshit with Sting.


"TNA Tag Team Title Match
Samoa Joe & Magnus vs. Matt Morgan & Crimson

The tag team division is on fire at the moment. It’s great to see the only teams in the tag division going against each other for about the 5th time in as many weeks. Based on the losses, I’d say Magnus and Joe to win. Probably with Magnus pinning Morgan. Just trying to think like Russo here."

2-0 Boring match, right team won... who's next?


"TNA X Division Title Match
Alex Sheley vs. Austin Aries

This should be a great match, and there’s no obvious choice. I think Shelley should probably get the strap, but using Russo logic, he’s not had enough losses to get the title. I predict Aries will retain here, but then Shelley will get a rematch on TV and win the belt there."

3-0 This was an awesome match, probably best match so far this year. Highlight of the show.

"TNA Knockouts Title Match
Tara vs. Gail Kim

This could be an okay match. I hate the way Tara always sets up for her moves too early, thus making it look staged (I know it is, but it should at least look like it’s fluid).
Kim will retain."

4-0 This match was okay, the ending made no sense (Kim worked on Tara's bad knee for a while and then hit with her finish).

#1 Contender's Match
Zema Ion vs. Jesse Sorensen
The X-Division really is in a shit state these days. I’ll go with Sorensen, he’s decent in the ring, Zema Ion is a bit of spot-monkey.

4-1 I was wrong, but under the circumstances I wish I wasn't. I've watched the replay a few times and I can't see that either guy fucked up, it was just a bad accident.

Garret Bischoff with Hulk Hogan vs. Gunner with Eric Bischoff
Just give up already. Send Garret to OVW for a year and let him learn how to wrestle. I predict a short match with Garret doing a dozen hip tosses and then getting screwed in some way. Gunner is better than this.

5-1 I was right about the hip tosses, there was arm-drags too! The match sucked and went on far too long. But Gunner won clean in the middle of the ring.

Kazarian vs. AJ Styles
Pointless feud, match should be pretty decent. AJ versus Daniels would be better, AJ in the main event would be even better.
Kaz will win with interference from Daniels.

6-1 Kaz won, the match was pretty flat, apart from the ending which was awesome.

On the whole, a mediocre PPV which had a really nasty injury and a terribly booked ending.

That Clown from Outta Town - Lockdown 2011

It's late, but I'm gonna be fast forwarding at least 2 of the matches so I'm gonna give Lockdown a watch.

LET'S DO THIS

04:31 - Ultimate Escape match...this should be awesome. Shame there's nothing on the line...Kaz is champ and he's in Lethal Lockdown.
5:12 - Robbie fucking E
08:14 - Sabin or Red to win
08:28 - Wait, it's tag style, not just a massive brawl?
11:09 - Suicide eliminated by Robbie E, didn't even use his finisher...FFS TNA
11:47 - I'm not sure who Suicide is now...Daniels and Kaz are both wrestling as themselves...is one of them doing double shifts, or is there a new Suicide?
12:20 - A Sabin v Lethal feud would be fucking awesome
14:17 - Red out to Sabin...Sabin to win
15:49 - Max Buck eliminates Sabin...uh...either Buck to win
19:57 - Robbie E eliminated, biggest cheer of the night so far
21:59 - Good match, but I feel like it could have been so much better
23:56 - Fucking Bischoff...it's a fucking PPV FFS just fuck off
26:38 - I think Bischoff actually thinks the fans are booing him solely because he's a heel...and not because he's shit on the mic...and his name is synonymous with utter failure and terrible wrestling shows
27:55 - 'We want wrestling' chant...totally agree
28:42 - TNA is a fucking shambles...if Immortal not having the belt is such a big deal, strip Sting of the title and give it to whoever...for fucks sake, we put up with all that bullshit for them to take control, and now they have control they don't use it...WHAT WAS THE FUCKING POINT...a FUCKING LAPTOP in WWE has more power than these fucking clowns
31:44 - Tag time...Crimson and Steiner to win
34:43 - A cage match where you're not allowed to escape the cage...TN fucking A
37:39 - This commentary is terrible...2 old men making gay jokes directed at Orlando Jordan...it's a sad state of affairs when Michael Cole is preferable to anything
41:41 - Just realised OJ & Eric are wearing Jimmy Snuka pants...someone's coming off the top of the cage :)
43:45 - Young escaped but didn't win (I DO NOT UNDERSTAND), dressed as Jimmy Snuka but didn't jump off the top of cage...FFS TNA
47:02 - Knockouts
52:37 - over in less than a minute...I'm guessing they cut it short so they can add a whole bunch of bullshit to the main event
55:14 - JOE v POPE FUCK YEAH JOE EAT HIS BRAIN AND PUKE IT DOWN HIS THROAT
57:20 - FUCK YEAH JOE'S BACK AT PPV MOTHERFUCKERS ABOUT FUCKING TIME
66:43 - COME ON JOE FUCKING KILL HIM
67:10 - Pope hanging off the cage with his arse hanging out
68:42 - Joe gets the win...was a bit more even than I was hoping for, Joe should be dominating the pope with ease
70:15 - Hernandez v Morgan...fast forwarding
87:24 - Karen interview...is it Kurt time already?
91:33 - This should be the main event...I might cut my losses after the match and just stop watching
93:10 - How awesome would it be if Angle locked the cage from the inside, and beat the living shit out of Jarrett for real
95:25 - Just remembered it best of 3 falls :D
96:32 - 1st fall is submission only...referee does a pinfall when Kurt has his shoulders on the mat. Typical fucking TNA
99:36 - Angle just reversed an armbar into an ankle lock...fucking hell
99:47 - First fall already??
104:10 - Jarrett's kicking out of angle slams now? When the fuck did that happen?
108:43 - 5 consecutive German suplexes by Angle
111:21 - Holy shit that was a bad landing...looked like Angle was going for a top rope hurracarana, but Jarrett thought it was supposed to be a powerbomb...Kurt landed right on his head
112:15 - Phew, he's ok...top rope Angle slam :)
113:58 - Top of cage moonsault...wasn't even close
117:28 - Screwjob. Piece of shit...there were 2 matches on the whole card that looked any good, and this one was ruined. And it means the Angle Jarrett feud will continue.
123:51 - The title match isn't even the main event.
125:14 - Actually, I don't give a shit about this match, fast forwarding to the screwjob
138:04 - Sting retains, no thanks to a bullshit ending
144:36 - Don't give a fuck about Lethal Lockdown either, fastforwarding to the screwjob again
168:24 - AJ's back Fortune won, their name now makes no sense because there's 5 of them

That was shit. I might actually not even bother watching the PPVs. The last 3 matches were all screwjobs. WWE is so much better it's not even funny any more.

That Clown from Outta Town - 3 FUCKING iMPACTs

I’ve finished watching Derren now, so it’s time to catch up with iMPACT…3 iMPACTs in a row…fuck.

LETS DO THIS

01:26 - Starting with an Anderson promo…again
05:33 - Sting interrupting one of the dumbest starts to an iMPACT…possibly ever
06:35 - FUCK YEAH I FUCKING LOVE BRAWLING
07:11 - But wait, there’s more! Here comes RVD!
08:10 - Here come Hogan and Bisch…WHO WOULD HAVE GUESSED THEY’D GET INVOLVED
09:50 - Guaranteed screw job for the main event…great fucking news, eh?
12:44 - Shannon v Steiner…FUCK HIM UP SCOTTY…LITERALLY RIP HIS FACE OFF
14:09 - TNA…Total Nonstop Promos
15:50 - Jarrett trying to get out of his Angle match like a fucking baby
16:23 - Eric Young and OJ on guest commentary…I’d rather they got a match tbh
18:37 - I wish they’d commentate the match instead of making gay innuendos
20:43 - I haven’t bothered mentioning this before because it’s so fucking obvious, but Shannon and Jesse are going to split up and feud because of Shannon’s ‘disrespect’.
22:14 - FRANKENSTEINER…not the greatest match, but the FRANKENSTEINER made up for it
23:21 - What the fuck is OJ wearing…I thought he’d toned down his gimmick a little, but that’s just…fucking weird
23:31 - Magnus and Williams are back together…does this mean Wolfe is getting a solo push? Probably not, he’d only show up the main eventers
24:33 - Anderson is a terrible comedian.
25:24 - This ‘The Jarretts’ soap opera they shoehorn into iMPACT is terrible
26:36 - Gen Me are gonna feud…THIS SHOULD BE FUCKING AWESOME
27:41 - Straight into a match…no buildup, no feud, no reason to care. FFS TNA
28:30 - Fucking nice so far
30:49 - This is awesome…this is old TNA…please put these guys in a cage at Lockdown
31:26 - Max wins with some kind of Diamond Dust variant…that was brilliant, the best iMPACT match in months…maybe the best TNA match
32:41 - Angelina and Winter in a hypnotism angle…in fucking 2011.
35:04 - Velvet v Winter…I’m actually gonna check this one out
40:08 - Actually a fairly decent match…the hypnotism thing is fucking stupid though
40:41 - ANOTHER FUCKING ANDERSON PROMO WTF TNA
41:38 - I wonder if the wrestlers in TNA watch WWE…do they know just how bad this show is compared to the competition?
42:55 - They have to be trolling. There is no fucking way anyone could think this would make for a decent show. There’s just no way.
44:41 - Total Nonstop Anderson
45:49 - Immortal have come out to batter Anderson and Sting…RVD’s gonna come out and make the save, guaran-fucking-teed
46:31 - I FUCKING TOLD YOU
48:25 - The Jarretts again…terrible
53:30 - Angle time :D I think he’s fighting Rob ‘Steroid Monster’ Terry
57:03 - Angle destroyed him in like 2-3 minutes…the only 3 minute match that actually makes sense
1:00:14 - Up next…a fucking screwjob…er, I mean, the main event!
1:00:53 - Main event with 25 minutes left? This is gonna be as stupid as last week, I can feel it in my bones
1:03:50 - The bullshit started before the match did
1:06:58 - Hogan’s coming out…because the match wasn’t fucked enough already
1:16:30 - DANIELS IS BACK FUCK YEAH
1:16:40 - And takes out all of Immortal from the top of the cage
1:22:04 - These post-main event reactions are a terrible idea…the point is to have a fucking cliffhanger…if you carry on from the cliffhanger it’s not a fucking cliffhanger

That was terrible. Gen Me put on an awesome match, the Knockouts match was pretty decent, everything else was fucking awful.

WHERE WAS JOE?

Ok, next one.

01:39 - Here comes Daniels :) He appears to be the leader of Fortune now, after being back 5 minutes...
09:29 - The Network can hire wrestlers now??
13:12 - Well, that was a waste of 13 minutes...that's about 3 matches on TNA
15:38 - Hernandez & Mex Pac on their way to the ring
16:52 - Dreamer & Devon are now a tag team, apparently
19:12 - That was roughly 2 minutes...what the fuck was the point?
21:48 - FUUUUUUUUUUCKKKKK YEAHHHHHHH SAMOA JOE
22:13 - Joe v Murphy? if Murphy wins, I'm gonna be pissed. Even if it's a screwjob
23:49 - That was less than a minute, I'm sure...I'm gonna go back and time it
23:52 - 49 seconds bell-to-bell. 49 seconds of Joe in 2 weeks is not enough
26:10 - Knockouts...looks like the hypnotism angle is still going on
29:09 - What is with all the short matches this week...3 matches, lasting roughly 5 minutes total...in the meantime, a promo got 13 minutes
35:07 - This is all Anderson...boring as fuck
47:59 - Six man X-division tag match...I didn't realise they still had the X-Division
53:59 - This is boring as fuck...lame show
57:53 - Daniels v Ray lumberjack match...I don't give a fuck about it
69:20 - Terrible Jarrett promo that makes no fucking sense whatsoever
71:15 - Angle just flew into the ring on a zipline, like an angry Batman...that was fucking awesome
72:49 - The main event will be nowhere near as good as the zipline
77:10 - Main event starting, less than 7 minutes left...including the obligatory post match bullshit/interviews
82:52 - Oh for fucks sake, Anderson in Immortal
84:03 - And he's out...

Boring as fuck. Only good bit was the zipline.

One more, and then I can rest...

01:59 - Starting with Immortal...FFS
06:39 - Fuck this is awful
07:52 - What in the fuck is a mammajamma
17:06 - Not the greatest 4-way I've ever seen...the in-ring action took second place to all the storyline bullshit on the outside
19:06 - Matt v Kaz...not hugely optimistic about this to be honest
26:51 - Decent length match...that's all it had going for it.
34:26 - FUCK YEAH SAMOA JOE FUCK EM UP JOE EAT THEIR FUCKING HEARTS
41:44 - Joe loses by screwjob...fucking TNA. Maybe I'll switch to Smackdown instead
43:31 - I'm so fucking sick of the Immortal music
50:30 - I'm pretty sure TNA are pumping in crowd sound effects...I can hear boos, but the crowd all look like this (click to enlarge):













Which is exactly how I feel watching it.
52:21 - WHAT THE FUCK DID THEY DO TO ABYSS' MUSIC FFS TNA THAT IS TERRIBLE AND THE OLD MUSIC WAS FUCKING BRILLIANT
58:29 - I've been watching the crowd and listening for a while, and I'm pretty sure they're pumping in crowd music...this'll probably be my last iMPACT just because of that. I'll still check out the PPV's, but I'll give Smackdown a try now...
61:15 - "...as of lately..."
61:47 - The hypnotism angle is terrible...why are they doing this in 2011? It would fit just fine in the late 80's early 90's...here, it just looks fucking stupid
66:12 - Fucking Anderson again

That was terrible.

Fuck.

The network

The Network is the worst angle TNA has done in a long time.

TNA spent a year building a storyline (don't laugh) where Hulk Hogan gets 100% control of the company.

Within a few episodes of Impact, there are shadowy figures in the background calling the shots.

We are led to believe that the network is Spike (not Dudley, but the network), it must be, who else could it be? The plot thickens, the network seem to have a say in the booking of events which are not to be aired on their channel (i.e. Lockdown).

Let's put aside the fact that the network are interfering with booking matches and signing talent.

The network angle can be summed up like this:
TNA are so shit that the network do not trust its writers and bookers to cobble together a show. They have stepped in to try and improve ratings. This is the angle.

If I was an executive at Spike, I would call up TNA and tell them to stop writing shitty angles like this... but then, the network would be calling the shots and the angle would be true... I can't win :(

That Clown from Outta Town - iMPACT, March 18

Before I get into iMPACT, I'd just like to point out that, as predicted, Victory Road got its own Botchamania:




I'm really only watching to see the fallout of the Jeff Hardy incident at the PPV, I don't really care about anything else. It's bad news for a wrestling company when fans care more about backstage shenanigans than the actual product, but TNA doesn't seem to be focusing on being a decent wrestling company so I doubt anyone there cares.

LET'S DO THIS

00:11 - Here comes Sting
01:14 - New belt :) Looks much better
6:04 - Hogan is saying Hardy's drug problems are because he wasn't good enough to live in Hogan's shadow? What in the fuck is he talking about?
08:09 - Bubba's coming to the ring? If they put Bubba in Jeff's spot, it'll be fucking hilarious
11:45 - Fortune also coming to the ring - I wish they'd have their meetings before the show starts, this is boring.
12:11 - This promo is now in its second quater hour...for fucks sake, TNA stands for Total Nonstop Action, WHERE IS THE FUCKING ACTION
14:48 - Oh FFS, here comes fucking Anderson
16:06 - Every week it's the same shit...change the fucking record
18:29 - Anderson v RVD v Bubba v AJ for the number 1 contenders spot as the main event...Sadly, no way is AJ winning :(
20:19 - Knockouts open challenge time
20:35 - Alyssa Flash :)
21:12 - That was fucking stupid, over in less than a minute...don't fucking bother having a match if you're not going to have a match
21:59 - "I've watched you week after week" (it's been 2 weeks plus whatever the hell that shit just now was)
23:30 - Mickie v Madison in a belt vs hair match at the PPV...The promo was longer than the match (and shit)
24:02 - What in the name of fuck is that thing Pope is talking to? Fucking hell...presumably it's human, but it looks like a sofa with limbs
24:54 - Anderson again, doing the same promo again, on the same subject again. He is so fucking boring.
26:31 - The promo hasn't started yet and it's already fucking terrible. I hope Joe puts Pope through the wheelchair, otherwise this is just a waste of time
29:27 - What the fuck is this shit
30:26 - Congrats TNA, you've reached a new low. Quite an achievement for you guys.
31:21 - JOE JOE JOE JOE JOE
32:13 - Pope pulled a knife on Joe's sidekick...I hope Joe gets that fuck off machete he used to run around with a couple of years ago
33:55 - Pope has turned the backstage area into some kind of S&M dungeon...TNA's sent a camera crew, but no security. I mean, he's only kidnapped and tied up a TNA wrestler, and is in the process of torturing him in TNA's own arena...that's not something that the company needs to concern itself with, right?
35:54 - TNA just literally and unironically aired a 3-minute torture scene
39:58 - Seriously, we're 40 mins in and there's been less than a minute of wrestling so far...and they're starting another bullshit promo...Jarrett shit again...this is supposed to be a wrestling show ffs
42:05 - Jarrett: "I want to stop the misery, tonight" - THEN FUCKING RETIRE YOU PRICK
43:37 - I can't believe Jarrett's wearing a 'total nonstop action' shirt to do a promo...what a fucking idiot
45:32 - Angle just brained Jarrett with a guitar...first decent thing to happen all night
45:49 - Fucking hell, Jarrett's cut pretty bad where Kurt hit him
46:09 - I'm semi convinced that Angle switched the stunt guitar for a real one full of razors...I'd love this to be a shoot
47:31 - Bischoff briefs the job squad
48:44 - Mixed six-person streetfight...Morgan and Beautiful people vs Hernandez, Sarita and...er...the other one. What a terrible, terrible idea for a match. Who sat down, looked at the roster, and decided that the best use of limited airtime was this shit? WHO THE FUCK WOULD EVER THINK THIS IS A GOOD IDEA?
49:59 - There's going to be a 3-way match with Rob Terry, Gunner, and Murphy for the TV title...another terrible match...it's like they're actually trying to drive away their fans
52:47 - Cops show up for Angle
54:14 - Shit match, Gunner won...which means I now actually know which one is Gunner and which is Murphy.
55:15 - Terrible promo by AJ
55:46 - Flair just got knocked the fuck out by AJ
56:58 - Time for the tag match from hell
58:00 - Christ, they gave Hernandez the mic again...
1:00:52 - That was terrible...and like 2 minutes long. Highlight was a spinning backbreaker thingie by Winter...not seen it before, it's an awesome move.
1:01:41 - Hernandez's new buddy reminds me of a Mexican X-Pac
1:03:41 - Main event time with over 20 mins of the show left? There must be a bullshit ending or something, otherwise this will be the first decent-length match TNA have put on iMPACT for months
1:12:38 - Oh for fucks sake. That was actually a really good match, but then Anderson and RVD both got laid out in the ring, while Bubba and AJ were outside. The ref counted 3 DESPITE NOBODY MAKING A FUCKING PIN, then went for the mic to announce the winner but Bubba knocked him out. Fucking TNA.
1:15 :08 - Bubba just powerbombed AJ off the stage through two tables...that was pretty cool
1:16:50 - There were several crash mats under the tables, on the replay you can see them very clearly...suddenly a much less impressive move
1:17:49 - John Cena got a bunch of homophobia complaints for telling The Rock 'your mountain is Brokeback'...I wonder how many Bubba will get for screaming "I'll bust your ass, you fag"?
1:18:29 - All this shit with putting AJ in a neckbrace and on a stretcher is bollocks...YOU SHOWED THE REPLAY OF THE FUCKING CRASH MATS LIKE 3 TIMES YOU FUCKING IDIOTS...AND IF IT WAS REAL YOU'D FUCKING CUT AWAY TO BACKSTAGE

That was fucking terrible...Until the main event there were maybe 5-10 decent seconds (Angle's guitar shot, Winter's finisher, AJ knocking Flair out cold), then the match was decent and way above TNA's usual standards, but then they decided to have a bullshit ending to the match, AND a bullshit fake injury to AJ. Fuck TNA, seriously...this is so much worse than WWE it's hard to believe they're in the same genre...let alone the fact that TNA is the number two English speaking wrestling company in the world.

After the shambles of a PPV, they really should have made this a great iMPACT, but it was possibly one of the worst episodes I've ever seen. Just, absolutely terrible.

That Clown from Outta Town - Victory Road 2011

I wasn't going to watch this, but the internet is going nuts about the main event...apparently Hardy was off his mash and Sting refused to wrestle him, so it was over in less than 90 seconds. I'm kinda intrigued to see it, so I'm watching.

LET'S DO THIS

03:11 - After watching a couple of episodes of RAW, TNA's pyros look fucking pathetic
03:45 - Wow, straight to wrestling...nice :) Bubba v Dreamer, this will be nowhere near as hardcore as it should be
04:27 - Bubba's grabbing the mic :D
11:21 - Pretty shit so far - I'd much rather see Team 3D v pretty much anybody than this...why did they ever get split up?
13:26 - The match involves an inflatable sex toy...it's pretty much irredeemable at this stage, unless 3D reform and this whole angle was an elaborate and pointless scheme to beat the shit out of Dreamer
14:50 - I was actually disappointed when Bubba kicked out, because it means this shit is going to go on for a couple more minutes
16:18 - WHAT THE FUCK HOW DO YOU BREAK A PIN BECAUSE OF A ROPE BREAK IN A FUCKING FALLS COUNT ANYWHERE MATCH FFS TNA
17:05 - Bubba doing a promo in the middle of the match while Tommy lies helpless...Bubba wins a moral victory regardless of the outcome
18:19 - Devon came and gave Tommy the win...but who really gives a fuck? Not this guy.
19:33 - "Jeff is going to come into this thing prepared..." No, Taz. No he isn't.
20:27 - Winter is awful on the mic
21:00 - Knockouts, fast forwarding
31:06 - Yay, the Jarretts, just who I wanted to see
32:42 - Why is Morgan talking? He should be like oldschool Kane/Abyss...beat the shit out of people and SHUT THE FUCK UP
35:35 - Seriously now, I'd much rather see 3D v LAX than Bubba v Dreamer & Devon and Hernandez v Morgan...one good match is much better than two shit matches
39:08 - "How vicious is this??" It's not even slightly vicious, get a fucking grip
40:48 - Hernandez hits Morgan's head on the turnbuckle. Morgan goes 'again'. Hernandez does it again. The turnbuckle cover comes off. Hernandez goes 'it's off'. That'll make it to Botchamania (as will the entire main event no doubt)
41:40 - Someone threw a bottle and hit Morgan in the head...luckily it was plastic and empty
43:31 - A fake fan run-in..that's kinda dumb because it's obviously fake and it'll only encourage fucking idiots to actually try it
44:08 - Hernandez clearly blading right in front of the camera...yeah just stay on that closeup, don't try and hide it or anything
44:52 - Hernandez sprayed fake blood onto Morgan...if he gets the win because of this, TNA are shite
45:11 - TNA are shite
46:00 - THERE'S A FUCKING FAKE BLOOD BOTTLE ON THE FUCKING MAT HOW IS THAT DECISION FUCKING STANDING FFS TNA
47:28 - Gen Me v Kaz :D (with, sadly, Robbie E getting in the way)
56:46 - I wonder if Robbie E has a single actual fan in the whole world
58:19 - I can't believe this is the X-Division
59:29 - Fucking awesome moonsault to the outside by Jeremy Buck
01:02:41 - I have no idea what that move was, but it was fucking awesome...some kind of flipping moonsault into a stunner...
01:05:48 - Flux Capacitor from Kaz :) I think that, Douggie's Chaos Theory and Petey Williams' Canadian Destroyer are probably my 3 favourite X-division moves. Oh wait, also the Lethal Combination.
01:09:20 - Kaz wins...probably the best match so far, but considering it was Ultimate X I've seen better. Some fucking crazy moves though
01:11:29 - Jarrets again...I don't understand who TNA think they're entertaining
01:16:59 - Ink Inc v Beer Money - this should be match of the night
01:33:25 - Bit of a weird ending, but a decent enough match...a bit too much Moore for my liking, but that's small compared to TNA's usual bollocks
01:35:25 - Matt v AJ up next. I have to admit, Matt's new car looks pretty cool.
01:36:41 - I wonder if Matt was on whatever Jeff took, or if he's genuinely that shit on the mic
01:39:15 - Matt Hardy's a badass - he's wrestling in JEANS, like a boss. JEANS with SEQUINS, motherfucker.
01:56:42 - Not a bad match, went on for too long though, had way too much Matt Hardy, who fucked up a lot...that finisher by AJ was fucking awesome though
01:58:21 - Seriously Flair, how do you fuck up a simple eye-poke?
01:59:10 - More fucking Jarrett
2:00:44 - I really don't get the point of these Jarrett promos...they're not entertaining and they're nothing to do with wrestling...put that shit on Youtube or something
2:01:59 - Anderson's promo is awful...it's just the same old shit...and he's whining. Who likes a whiny wrestler?
2:05:05 - Quick note to RVD - there's a difference between 'making it look effortless', and 'it actually is effortless because you get given it on a plate by Eric Bischoff'...
2:06:49 - Anderson fumbled the mic and hit himself in the face with it...this PPV will be a Botchamania special at this rate
2:09:10 - Christ, the first 20 seconds or so looked amateurish
2:10:23 - There's something worrying about a room full of fat nerds chanting "We love asshole"
2:10:59 - Anderson reversing a leapfrog by accidentally headbutting RVD in the sphincter...fucking hell this is bad
2:13:01 - The fans are barely reacting to anything...you get a smattering of applause for the rolling thunder or a suicide dive, but the crowd do not seem to give a single fuck about this match
2:18:39 - I don't get these fans...they're not reacting to anything that happens in the match, but they're all taking part in the chanting...if you don't give enough of a fuck to cheer, how can you give enough of a fuck to chant?
2:20:55 - Anderson does his finisher on the steel entrance ramp, and all the crowd does is a half-hearted 'Oooh'?
2:21:33 - Double countout? FFS TNA that's pathetic
2:21:59 - That said, the match was terrible and I'm glad it's over. And the crowd were also terrible.
2:23:12 - The fans are chanting 'restart the match'...they didn't give a fuck about the match when it was happening, but when it stops they suddenly care? WTF TNA fans
2:24:47 - Grandma, what dilated pupils you have
2:32:47 - It's hard to tell how fucked up Hardy is with all that shit on his face
2:34:30 - Bischoff desperately pretending to do a promo so he can come out and tell them not to bother with the match
2:35:59 - Jesus, he's so fucked up he's taken off his T-shirt, and can't figure out how to throw it into the crowd
2:36:13 - Sting looks fucking angry
2:37:05 - Fucking hell, he was trying to kick out and his shoulders weren't even down, that's fucking hilarious
2:37:23 - The look of disapproval on Sting's face is classic

As funny as that was, it was pretty bad. TNA should never have let Hardy out there in that condition...they should have said he wasn't there because of 'travel problems', or an 'injury' or something, made the Anderson v RVD match a 3-way with Sting, and bumped one of the dark matches up to the main card. Or something. Anything is better than pissing off the fans (some of whom paid actual money to watch that), and a double countout. Not to mention publicly humiliating one of their biggest name stars.

I know I haven't liked Hardy's run in TNA, but it's really sad to see a once-great wrestler reduced to this. I hope he gets himself sorted out - although I'm sure this incident won't help his court hearing for drug trafficking one bit. He's apparently been suspended, I'm guessing it'll be permanent to be honest.

Aside from that...pretty shit PPV. Not the worst, but definitely way below average.

TNA Victory Road - predictions revisited...

This was not a good PPV, there were some decent enough matches, but with some terrible booking and quite a few stupid endings, this made for frustrating viewing. Anyway, let's see how I did:

WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE
Jeff Hardy vs. (c) Sting


"Hardy will get the strap back and the match will be Sting by numbers... pretty sure Hardy will go through the motions. Mediocre match to be expected."


Sting retained in a main event that was about a minute and a glaf long. This was bullshit and I really feel sorry for US fans who had to pay to watch this. A bit of advice for TNA: DON'T GIVE YOUR TOP BELT TO A GUY WHO CAN NO LONGER MOVE. There was beautiful WCW moment when Sting was leaving when a fan shouted "that was bullshit" and Sting shrugged and said: "I agree".

Match rating: *

FIRST BLOOD MATCH
Hernandez vs. Matt Morgan

"Is this feud still going on? Can't wait to see this! Flip a coin: Morgan. Another mediocre match."

Mediocre would have been much better than this bag of shit. The match was rubbish all the wat through until a "fan" ran in and beat up the ref, the "fan" then left a bottle of red food colouring for Hernadez to throw on Morgan... so fucking stupid.

Match rating: *

#1 CONTENDER MATCH
Mr. Anderson vs. Rob Van Dam

"See Hardy vs Sting, but replace the names with RVD and Anderson... RVD to win."

My God, this match was terrible. It didn't go anywhere, they fucked up about a dozen times and they both looked like they were about to laugh. I can't emphasise enough how bad this was... then we get to the ending: a double countout. At this point half of the crowd were chanting: "Restart the match!" whilst the rest of the crowd were shouting "No!" in response - they knew they had seen a bad match.


Matt Hardy vs. AJ Styles

"This match has potential, but I don't hold out much hope for it in all honesty. If Matt's on form they should be able to pull something decent out their ass. AJ to win."

This was a very good match, Matt Hardy worked like he was actually on a PPV. This was easily the best match of the night, even though it wasn't a great match by any means. AJ won with a Spiral Tap... AJ's not done that one for an age.

Match rating: ***1/2

ULTIMATE X MATCH FOR THE X TITLE
Jeremy Buck vs. Max Buck vs. (c) Kazarian vs. Robbie E

"Love Ultimate X, don't see wwhy Robbie E gets another title shot after losing his last two. Would have been better if Lethal, Suicide or Amazing Red we in this... Kaz to win."

This was a pretty decent match, but compared with a lot of other Ultimate X matches, it's not one of the best. Kaz was great in this one and ended up getting the win by walking on the ropes to get the belt... and Kaz retained so that's good. Look out for Robbie E's title shot next week on Impact (wins and losses really don't matter in TNA).

Match rating: **1/2

TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP
Ink Inc vs. (c) Beer Money

"This might be the match of the night. Beer Money to win"

It wasn't the match of the night, but it was a good mathc. Not up to Beer Money's usual standard, but still pretty decent.

Match rating: ***

CHALLENGE MATCH
Bully Ray vs. Tommy Dreamer

"I'm sure Tommy will do something stupid and get really hurt in this. Bubba to win."

This was like every hardcore match I've ever seen... and for some reason there was sex doll that came into play. The match ended with Dreamer getting the win (though only once Devon got involved and Bubba got 3Ded through a table. Just a quick note: YOU DO NOT GET A ROPE BREAK IN A FALLS COUNT ANYWHERE MATCH.

Match rating: *

KNOCKOUTS TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP
Sarita & Rosita vs. (c) Angelina Love & Winter

"Angelina Love is getting skinnier and skinnier, she's lile two tits pinned onto a stick... it's not a nice look. Winter on the other hand would definitely get it.

X-ita to win."

I was right on the result, and boy was this a bad bad match, even in terms of bad women's matches, this was fucking horrible. The ending was confusing and stupid. There was a spot where Winter got Rosita rolled up, there was some interference and Rosita got Winter rolled up. The ref was out of position, so for about 10 seconds they were frozen in position waiting for the count. Considering that Winter's legs are almost as long a Rosita, I'm not conviced that a skinny little 4'11" thing could seriously hold Winter down for that long.

Match rating: *

There were far too many terrible matches on this PPV. If I had paided for this PPV I would demand my money back. I'm looking forward to Raw.

That Clown from Outta Town - iMPACT, March 10

Just found out The Rock is back in WWE - I'm totally jumping ship from TNA to see his run. This week's iMPACT was already downloaded though, so

HERE

WE

GO

00:29 - Rudos? Some kind of Mexican invasion? Sounds cool
01:23 - Why yes, I would much rather see highlights of last week's iMPACT than new material - thanks, TNA
04:34 - Why yes, I would much rather listen to Hogan and Bischoof than Sting - thanks, TNA
08:34 - Why yes, this promo would be improved by Mr Anderson spouting the same old catchphrases - thanks, TNA
11:41 - Why yes, yet another WWE reject would make this abortion of a promo the highlight of the fucking show - thanks, TNA
12:55 - Ok, I can't even be sarcastic any more - what the fuck is this shit? Sting, Hogan, Bischoff, Mr Anderson, Jeff Hardy and now fucking RVD yapping on and fucking on about the shitty, Jeff Hardy-themed, heavyweight belt...FUUUUCCCCKKKK
15:38 - 15 minutes to set up for a tag match...I'm willing to bet real money that the match is shorter than 15 minutes
17:15 FUCK YES SAMOA FUCKING JOE FINALLY TNA DO SOMETHING RIGHT FUCK YEAH
18:11 - Last time these guys were on the show, Dinero got put through a pig...I hope something that good happens this week
22:09 - Pope wins with a chain - fuck you, TNA
23:43 - Knockouts - fast forwarding, mainly because of Jersey Shore crap
24:18 - Oh wait, it's the open challenge...watching
25:04 - Madison is terrible on the mic
25:31 - Roxxi...not as cool as ODB
27:44 - Post match beatdown broken up by a Diva reject
28:28 - Bubba v Dreamer in a parking lot brawl...this is gonna be a lot less hardcore than it should be
31:01 - It turned out to be Devon...I wonder what someone channel flipping would think they were watching during that whole thing
33:13 - Knockouts with Jersey Shore bollocks...fast forwarding
38:28 - Ric Flair & Matt Hardy v AJ in a street fight...sounds dire

Speaking of which, TNA are doing a new line of action figures...Matt Hardy's is pretty cool

47:51 - Matt Hardy is about as good on the mic as Madison...who the fuck let him talk?
48:18 - "...what I've became" Maybe the reason that you failed as a wrestler isn't 'the system', it's the fact you can't fucking speak English properly?
56:48 - Gen Me :D
57:15 - ...jobbing to Ink inc.
57:56 - Oh wait, 3-way tag match?
58:08 - Nope, they're dressed to talk...
58:30 - Ah, guest commentators
1:02:37 - Midair spear...awesome move by Jesse
1:10:47 - They're going to put fucking Robbie E in a fucking Ultimate X match? FFS TNA, you are awful
1:12:17 - The PPV looks a bit shit
1:22:37 - The main event is a complete fucking mess

That was shit...WWE it is, then.

That Clown from Outta Town - March 3rd iMPACT

Moment of truth...either TNA's gonna get rid of the Bisch, or I'm gonna be one pissed off Clown.

The card looks awful, there's Jersey Shore bollocks, and the nonsense wedding thing too...plus from Socko's post it looks like there's no good matches. Still, if it means Bischoff and Hogan might be fucking off, It's worth a watch.

I'm nervous in case it all goes tits-up.

LET'S DO THIS

0:08 - Starting with Dixie...makes a change from The Bisch...please be good news.
1:53 - Starting with the court ruling? That's the fucking main event, what the fuck is this shit
2:10 - That's that then...TNA's gonna continue being utter shit
5:38 - This is shite
9:07 - This is boring...tempted to fast forward
10:54 - Now Fortune's getting in on it...
15:56 - Brawling backstage...every fucking week
19:07 - Tag titles as the first match...FFS TNA. Why are fucking jobbers getting fucking title shots?
21:32 - WHAT DO YOU MEAN 'FRESH'? THEY'VE ONLY BEEN WRESTLING FOR 90 SECS EVERYONE IS FUCKING FRESH FFS
23:10 - THREE FUCKING MINUTE FUCKING TITLE MATCH WHAT IN CHRISTS NAME ARE YOU FUCKING DOING
23:39 - Jesse Neal :D
24:38 - Jesse's getting a title shot :)
25:41 - 10 foot wedding cake? Someone is definitely going through that motherfucker
27:01 - "Will this be the first wedding in pro wrestling history to go off without a hitch? We'll see..."
27:35 - Knockouts...could be Velvet's last match though, so I'll watch. Getting rid of her would be a mistake, so they'll probably do it.
30:21 - Another two minute match
30:35 - Another post match interruption...did they just cut and paste the script from earlier or something?
31:41 - Waste of fucking screen time
32:50 - Second brawl
34:12 - This is hard going...I'm not sure I can watch the whole thing
37:37 - Angle's taping his fists, ready for the wedding...as you do.
39:19 - THAT IS NOT A 10 FOOT CAKE...It's like 6 feet, including the table it's on...and the little columns holding up each tier. IT'S A REGULAR 4 TIER WEDDING CAKE. DO YOU REALISE HOW MANY LAME PORTAL JOKES PEOPLE ARE GOING TO MAKE ABOUT THIS SHIT, TNA, YOU CUNTS
39:42 - Eric Young has a belt?? What belt is it? I have no idea.
40:37 - Haha, Angle attacked Jarrett before he was even halfway down the entrance ramp
40:38 - 40 minutes in, 3rd brawl. Fuck this shit.
41:33 - Do TNA really believe this is entertainment? Like, really?
41:52 - Karen got caked...not worth the 2 months build-up tbh.
43:48 - Do the ratings really go up when Hardy wrestles? I doubt it tbh...I should check that out sometime
46:21 - Rob Terry? Again? Why are thy wasting time on this shit? Although, considering the other stuff they think is worth broadcasting, he isn't actually that bad.
51:40 - That was the best 5 minutes of the show so far...Steiner basically dominated him, lots of mean looking suplexes, then choked/reclinered him out...
54:30 - Hernandez v Morgan...I really wish they'd reform LAX, they were fucking awesome heels...Hernandez on his own isn't the same. Although, it's only been like 3 weeks so he might grow into it.
57:02 - Morgan's destroying him
60:13 - DQ from hitting his head into the ring steps? WTF TNA
63:08 - OH MY FUCK THEY'RE ACTUALLY DOING THE FUCKING WEDDING AGAIN
64:30 - I feel sorry for Eric and Orlando...it clearly wasn't funny the first time, but they make them go out and do it again...GIVE THEM A FUCKING MATCH INSTEAD OF THIS BULLSHIT WEDDING BULLSHIT
66:19 - Wait, Angle's actually giving her away now? WHAT IN THE NAME OF CHRIST IS GOING ON??
76:12: Total Nonstop Action = 15 mins of action, 15 mins of bullshit wedding, rest of the show is talking
76:34 - Here comes the 3rd lame celebrity of the night
78:36 - The whole 'The Network' angle is a rip off from ECW, except there it actually made sense because ECW's station was actually trying to censor/tone down the show - the fictional 'Network' was a stab at the actual TV channel that aired the show and the bullshit they caused. Here, they're just pulling it out of their arse and it's fucking stupid
81:46 - TNA's attempts at a dramatic entrance look so amateur compared to WWE.
82:15 - I have never been so happy to see Sting in all my life
82:33 - Before Hogan and Bischoff, I used to dislike all the 'veteran' wrestlers like Sting, Nash, Steiner, because they took TV time away from the younger, more talented wrestlers trying to make a name. Now, I like them because despite their age they are much, much better wrestlers than the current main dudes.
84:11 - LETS GO STING LETS GO STING LETS GO STING
90:06 - Hardy kicking out of certain death :(
90:36 - TOP ROPE SCORPION DEATH DROP FUCK YEAH GOTTA BE A NEW CHAMP FUCK YEAH
90:58 - FUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCKKKKKKKK YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS NEW FUCKING CHAMP AND IT'S NOT A FUCKING WWE REJECT FUCKING AWESOME

Pretty shit iMPACT, but it made up for it right at the end...I was gonna stop watching if Hogan and Bischoff stayed, but I think I'll stay for Sting's title run tbh.

Best match was Steiner v Rob Terry, which is pretty fucking incredible when you think about it.

2 weeks, no Joe. WHAT THE FUCK TNA...HOW DO GUNNER AND MURPHY, ROB TERRY AND FUCKING MORGAN v HERNANDEZ AGAIN GET AIR TIME BUT JOE DOESN'T WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU

Also, I heard Shark Boy quit TNA...sucks. Didn't even get a farewell match or anything.

That Clown from Outta Town - iMPACT Feb 24th 1011

One week till we find out if Bischoff and Hogan are fucking off. We can only hope.

AJ v Flair is going to be funny as fuck.

LET'S DO THIS

1:39 - Holy shit, not starting with Bischoff
2:58 - Anderson's sitting in a chair refusing to leave the ring till he gets his title shot...didn't Austin do the exact same thing? But better?
4:14 - RV fucking D
5:19 - What about the laws of morality, Ken?
7:33 - Less than 10 mins to the first brawl. No sign of any wrestling.
8:04 - OH GREAT IT'S ERIC FUCKING BISCHOFF I WAS WORRIED WE WOULDN'T SEE HIM
10:12 - RVD v Anderson v Angle as the main event...if Angle doesn't win, I'm gonna be pissed. Although it'll blatantly be a screwjob
11:54 - Eric Young. He deserves better
13:49 - Eric Young and Orlando Jordan v Gunner and Murphy. What was that you were saying about ratings, Bischoff?
14:04 - Beer Money guest announcing...I WONDER IF THEY'LL INTERFERE AT ANY POINT
14:54 - OJ pretending to facefuck one of the jobbers. Why.
15:31 - And also grabbing his arse.
18:01 - Eric Young is now jobbing to jobbers...FFS TNA
19:44 - DEVON
21:04 - Apologising to your kids for Bubba putting them through a table? Bubba was right, you're weak...get fired up, Devon. Set Bubba on fire.
24:10 - Bubba is absolutely fucking brilliant on the mic
24:35 - Tommy Dreamer's back...and immediately becomes the least interesting person in the feud.
26:59 - Crimson...no idea who he is but he looks pretty enthusiastic.
28:03 - Magnus is getting destroyed
29:47 - Another TNA 2 minute match...why even bother
30:21 - Rob Terry really ought to go to WWE...he looks like a WWE wrestler, he wrestles like a WWE wrestler, and he's as good on the mic as a WWE wrestler. Oh sorry, did I say wrestler? I meant 'superstar'...
31:39 - 'You're looking at the future old man'...not if you keep taking so many steroids, Rob...your heart will go pop long before you get to that point
36:02 - Awesome fuckup...Rob's choking Steiner, but he only had hold of one end of the rope so he wasn't even close to his throat...carries on regardless :)
37:03 - Best Rob Terry match
38:19 - The new Beautiful People person is fucking weird
42:16 - "custom made Armani"...but it doesn't fit you, Ric...custom made for who?
43:39 - Goons in the audience again
47:09 - Double nut shot on Flair and Hernandez...Styles is awesome
50:24 - Second brawl of the night
53:50 - Final verdict next week...please get rid of Bischoff and Hogan
54:39 - Knockouts...let's see what happens with this open challenge thingie
55:32 - Mickie James will blatantly answer the open challenge
56:18 - Lol, ODB
56:59 - The reaction to ODB's return was awesome..."Oh my god, they're bigger"
60:24 - ODB lost :(
67:55 - Oh for fucks sake, more Jersey Shore bullshit next week :( I've never even heard of the show outside of TNA
68:53 - Main event time...so...NO JOE? FUCK YOU TNA
69:50 - Angle and Anderson had some pretty fucking awesome matches last year...I only hope that RVD doesn't suck it up too badly
79:20 - Oh FFS...awesome match, heading to the ending, then Jeff Jarrett fucks it up
80:14 - Typical fucking TNA bullshit...match was great until that point though, if there was a rematch at a PPV but with no interference, that'd be great

Pretty good iMPACT. Bring back the 6-sided ring when you fuck off Hogan and Bischoff. Thanks.

That Clown from Outta Town - Against All Odds 2011

I have nothing to really say as an introduction, so I'll just jump right into it...

02:56 - I wish they had stipulations in proper sports...rugby cage matches would be pretty decent.
03:31 - Aw shit, no Gen Me :(
03:41 - But it's not all bad news, Robbie E still made it. Oh wait, did I say 'not bad news', or did I say 'fucking travesty'?
07:20 - Kaz :) Dressed as Kevin Nash, for some reason...
13:19 - A thrilling headlock
16:47 - Not a terrible match, but it was iMPACT-quality...not sure why Robbie E is on a PPV to be honest.
19:06 - Classic Steiner promo
19:43 - AJ :)
19:57 - Why even bother having a guest commentator - they might as well just say "And coming up - a screwjob!"
20:38 - This must be one of the least interesting 3-man teams in wrestling history...Rob Terry and a couple of glorified jobbers
22:46 - I think I see Goons in the audience :)
24:04 - Girl in the front row wearing fucking sleevegloves >:(
31:34 - Roode's looking pretty good tonight
33:04 - Frankensteiner coming up :)
33:34 - Nailed it :)
34:10 - Game over - and no screwjob either. Pretty decent match.
36:21 - I wonder if Bubba will attack the kids backstage when Devon comes to the ring...
36:57 - FUCK YEAH IT'S NEARLY JOE TIME MOTHERFUCKERS
39:06 - I wish they had a second Joe instead of The Pope so they could have a mirror match like in a videogame.
40:09 - FUCK YEAH SAMOA JOE KILL HIM JOE
42:49 - FFS Pope, get in the ring and take your medicine, stop being a pussy
48:55 - That knee was pretty sweet
49:50 - Fuck, quickest tapout ever...ok match, Joe didn't destroy him enough though...would have like him to drown Pope in his own blood or something.
51:54 - Pope beats Joe down after the match...from the look on Joe's face, this ain't over
53:06 - Knockouts, fast forwarding
01:07:33 - Matt Morgan's coming to the ring...dressed to talk. Fuck.
01:08:43 - Morgan and Hernandez feuding again? Surely it was shit enough the last time?
01:12:25 - I hope LAX reform, Hernandez's gimmick seems pretty much like their old one and LAX were awesome
01:13:01 - Matt Hardy - FUCK OFF FATTY, NOBODY FUCKING CARES WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY
01:14:18 - If you finish your undefeated record, THAT MEANS YOU'RE GOING TO LOSE YOU FUCKING FUCKTARD
01:16:22 - RVD - strangely tempted to fast forward...
01:18:23 - WWE rejects match, I'm gonna liven it up with a bit of Dwarf Fortress.
01:18:42 - My weaponsmith is finally legendary - work commences on adamantine weapons (and silver for the blunt users)
01:21:07 - My engraver, Banksy, continues to engrave masterpieces. No surprises in the RVD match so far.
01:22:10 - My carpenter, Jesus, makes a masterpiece barrel.
01:23:05 - And another
01:24:05 - What in the fuck is Matt Hardy doing?
01:27-18 - One of my peasants has given birth to a girl...ffs, we're over 150 dwarves already, and the population cap is 100 >:(
01:30:59 - RVD wins, unsurprisingly.
01:33:55 - Bit of a sinister promo there from Bubba
01:36:51 - Bubba v Devon...this could be dull as fuck, or it could be pretty extreme
01:46:28 - Not a great street fight- no blood and dumb ending
01:56:43 - Jarrett v Angle...should be good :)
02:13:10 - OH FOR FUCKS SAKE FUCKING REF BUMP FUCK THIS SHIT
02:16:59 - For god's sake, how many times does Angle have to win this? The ref is fucking useless
02:18:19 - The wrestling in the match was pretty good, but the booking was fucking shoddy. Jarret hits his finisher, Kurt kicks out. Jarret hits the finisher but from the top rope - Kurt kicks out. Jarrett hits Kurt in the face with a steel chair - Kurt kicks out. Jarret sits on Kurt, and gets the pin. THIS MAKES NO FUCKING SENSE
02:21:13 - Kurt's taken off his boots, which means you've retired, apparently. No way can that be Kurt's last match, it was shit.
02:22:59 - Jeff Hardy made the ladder match famous apparently. Not, say, Sabu. Or Shawn Michaels. Or anyone.
02:24:57 - Another WWE rejects match...tempted to crack Fortress open again.
02:41:30 - Credit where it's due, this is actually pretty good
02:51:07 - YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP
02:51:54 - Hardy gets the belt back :( But a pretty decent match, I'm surprised

Not a bad PPV all told...a few matches could have been cut without missing anything, there was some shitty booking, but there were also a few solid matches in there too.

Still...UFC 126 was better. Did you see the Silva KO?? Fucking awesome.

TNA Against All Odds - predictions

It’s that time again for my predictions for Against All Odds. Before I go into this, I want to say a few things about the build-up to this. They 2.0 is probably the best thing that could have happened to TNA, as They 2.0 was meant to be the Main Event Mafia. This would have sucked, Nash and Sting can’t go anymore, so it would have just resulted in bad matches. Also Immortal, as a faction was far too big, and stunk of NWO bullshit. Also, Beer Money and AJ make better babyfaces, so there is hope that things will start to go well...

Only 2 of the titles are up for grabs in this PPV, which I consider to be a good thing because it gives the belts more value if they aren’t up for grabs at any given opportunity (though there was a World Heavyweight Championship match on last Impact, so I’m talking out of my arse a bit). What I find interesting is that when RVD got Janiced, he had the strap tore off him quicker than a mouldy plaster, Abyss gets Janiced and he still gets to hold on to the TV title? Bullshit. Anyway, let’s do this.


-- TNA World Hvt. champion Mr. Anderson vs. Jeff Hardy in a ladder match for the TNA World Title.
Depending on how much Jeff Hardy can be arsed, this could be a pretty decent match, but in all likelihood will be over-booked and needlessly complicated. I think Anderson will keep the strap, Anderson is the lesser of two evils in this scenario.


-- Kurt Angle vs. Jeff Jarrett.
This match will be great, the build-up has been a mixed bag; I’m really not a fan of the soap opera elements. I thought the MMA Jarrett was a great gimmick, though I really can’t be doing with a worked fight. If the storyline had continued and Kurt just wanted to prove he could kick Jarrett’s ass without bring Karen and their kids into it, I would be marking out for this one. Why can’t they just have a straight match with no stipulations and no bullshit?
This match will clearly end with some kind of screwjob/DQ with Jarrett getting the victory.


-- Bully Ray vs. Brother Devon in a Street Fight.
This is where the bad booking comes into play. The idea of being against the odds plays into this one because it is essentially a handicap match with Devon’s two son’s being in Devon’s corner. So we have a 3-on-1 street fight with the heel working against the odds... we can’t cheer for the babyfaces because they’ve got an unfair advantage, and the heel is a heel... This match would have been 20 times better were it just a bog-standard street-fight, now it’s hard to get behind Devon... idiotic booking... also, because this is TNA Devon will either get DQed or counted out... in a street fight...



-- Samoa Joe vs. The Pope D'Angelo Dinero.
This might be the first PPV match Joe has been in since he was kidnapped by ninjas, and the feud has made very little sense. As far as I can gather Joe has hired Okada to follow and film Pope, Pope has turned heel and might be involved in dog-fighting, Pope then called Joe fat... erm, I think that pretty much covers it.
I don’t rate Pope in the ring, but it will be great to see Joe back in the ring. If Joe jobs for Pope I’ll be pissed. Joe to win.


-- Rob Van Dam vs. Matt Hardy.
If this match is 20 times better than the last RVD/Fat Lardy match it will still be shit, so I don’t hold up much hope for anything decent coming from this one. Though RVD is meant to be a babyface, his arrogance and his lacklustre performances have made me really dislike him, as for Lardy, I really couldn’t give a shit and so do not care about this match in the slightest.
Flip a coin, RVD to win.


-- Knockouts champion Madison Rayne vs. Mickie James in a Last Knockout Standing match for the Knockouts Title.
By my reckoning, this will be Madison Rayne’s fourth or fifth solo match in TNA, and she has been KO champ for months now. What a joke. Mickie to win, at least she can go.


-- Scott Steiner & Beer Money vs. Gunner & Murphy & Rob Terry.
Is this match real? This match would be fine on Impact, but on PPV? Security guards and Terroid in a PPV? Jeez, no wonder people aren’t buying PPVs anymore. It will be the dumbest thing in the world for Beer Money and Steiner to job for Terroid et al, so I’ll have to go with Terroid et al for the win.

-- Max Buck vs. Jeremy Buck vs. Robbie E. in a #1 contender match to the X Division Title.
AGAIN, what could have been a decent match is ruined by careless booking. The Young Bucks will obviously work together, they are heels after all, thus rendering it, for all intents and purposes, a handicap match... who’s our plucky babyface who’s going to win, who’s going to beat the odds and win through his heart and intestinal fortitude? Why Robbie E of course... not only is this guy a heel, but he has X-Pac heat, the fans genuinely hate him; they hate his gimmicks, his look, and his style is very middle of the road WWE style... kick, kick, punch, punch, signature slam, win... The Bucks are way more over than Robbie will ever be... and Robbie E will blatantly win and go on to beat Kaz... thus rendering the token gesture of injecting new life into the X-Division as being a completely pointless exercise.

On the whole, this PPV will be pretty bad. The standout will be Jarrett versus Kurt, with Pope versus Joe and Hardy versus Anderson having potential...

TNA Genesis - predictions revisited

Let's start off by saying that this was a bad pay-per-view. There were two decent matches. But hey, let's have a look at how I did:

"- Rob Van Dam vs. Jeff Hardy's handpicked opponent.

One thing I've learnt in the last year is that in TNA the word 'mystery' is usually a synonym for 'shit' or 'disappointing'. I've heard rumours about Matt Hardy, but I don't think his 90 days are up yet. Expect such wonders as Rob Terry or Shannon Moore, maybe even Sean Waltman. This match will suck and RVD will lose."

The mystery opponent was Matt Hardy. Boy did he look bad, though he's clearly spent a lot of tim on his new snazzy haircut, his belly was looking pretty bloared. The match sucked, and the booking was retarded. RVD lost though, so that's something.

1/1


"- Brother Ray vs. Brother Devon.

The Bully Ray gimmick might be one of the worst things that could have happened to the Dudleys. I can see Ray winning."

Was this a falls count anywhere match? Was this a no DQ match? They didn't say so, and for a company that loves its stipulations as much as TNA, the fact that most of this match happened outside of the ring strikes me as a bit odd. The booking was stupid on this one, and I'm pretty sure that Bubba won due to Devon getting DQed because Devon took a chain off of Bubba (I think). It was a bad match and the ending was just confusing. I'm going to assume that Bubba won.

2/2

"- Jeff Jarrett vs. Kurt Angle: MMA Exhibition.

The lead up to this has been pretty shit, though funny at points. This match will be great and Kurt Angle will hopefully kick Jarrett's ass."

I'm honestly not sure who won this. For a start, this may be one of Angle's worst matches ever. 6 minutes of pretending to be MMA fighters, but with rope-breaks. At the start of this match, the stipulation was that it was holds and submissions only "because it was an exhibition". So in the third round (yes, they had 3, two-minute rounds), Jarrett starts beating on Angle. I think this means a DQ? At the end of the match we saw Angle do a blade job on his head... I mean literally saw his do it. The camera focused on Angle unwrapping the blade from the paper. Angle bled heavily, it wasn't nice to watch and struck me as being completely fucking pointless. Again, because of retarded and confusing booking, I can only assume that Angle won, but I'm really not sure.

3/3


"- TNA X Division champion Jay Lethal vs. Kazarian.

I'm looking forward to this match; Lethal and Kaz are pretty inconsistant in the ring, so it could be a great match, or it could be a stinker. I'm sure Kaz will probably win this one."

This match was pretty decent, not mind-blowing, but pretty decent. Kaz won and the booking was pretty simple and straight-forward.

4/4

"- TNA TV champion AJ Styles vs. Douglas Williams.

I'm pretty psyched for this match. If they put on another great match, I'll be a happy guy. AJ will probably win, thought I would like to see Doug retain the title."

FFS, AJ is injured, it was Williams versus Abyss. Again not a bad match, but Abyss can only do so much. I'm pretty gutted because it also means no AJ on the UK tour. I predicted that Dougie would lose, and he did. Shame.

5/5

"- TNA Knockouts champion Madison Rayne vs. Mickie James.

This will be a bad match, Mickie will win."

This was a bad match, I heard a lot of chants of "you can't wrestle" during this one. Madison retained, which was suprising.

5/6

"- TNA Tag Team champions MCMG vs. Beer Money.

I can't wait for this one. I can see Beer Money getting the strap though, probably due to a screw job."

Beer Money got a pretty clean win. This match was good, but not as good as some of the matches from last year.

6/7

"- Ken Anderson vs. Matt Morgan

Main event and it's a bag of shit. Expect a couple of side-slams, that spot where Morgan takes of his elbow pads and does some elbows to a guy on the turnbuckles, a Carbon Footprint, some kind of Bischoff screwjob and an overly complex ending. Anderson will no doubt win."

Buidling up to this, there had been a storyline about concussion, and they did absolutely nothing with it. The match was as expected, Morgan by numbers. Anderson got the win.

7/8

With Anderson almost out of it, Bischoff came out and gave Anderson his title shot against Hardy. The match was shit, but it wasn't what was going on in-ring that was the worst thing about it. There was about half a dozen run-ins including Mick Foley, Matt Morgan, Ric Flair, Matt Hardy, RVD and interference from Bischoff. But Anderson still managed to win. At least the belts off of Hardy now. Hopefully he'll fuck to jail to get a swastika branded into his ass a la Oz.


I really didn't like this pay per view. The booking was over-complicated, most of the matches were mediocre, and the heels won in almost every instance.

That Clown from Outta Town - Final Resolution

A bit late I know, but Socko said this PPV was actually worth watching. We'll see.

LET'S DO THIS

01:38 - Ink Inc v Beer Money? Surely an iMPACT match if ever I saw one...
05:43 - Shannon Moore battering both of Beer Money. Sigh.
06:07 - I'm actually hoping for a beer-bottle related screwjob
07:19 - When you're watching every week you get desensitised to the commentary...Mike Tennay really is awful.
10:28 - What happened to TNA fans? They used to be cool...now there's fucking retards with their fucking pink Jeff Hardy sleevegloves in the front row :(
13:40 - That was an Ok match...not exactly a classic though.
15:00 - Hardy v Morgan is the main event? FFS TNA
19:14 - Knockouts match...or rather, Diva Rejects match...I wish it was possible to double fast forward
30:20 - I actually thought that Robbie E guy was from that Jersey Shore show...what the fuck is he doing with the X-Division title? FFS TNA
35:28 - FUCK YEAH SHARK BOY
36:18 - I want to see Shark Boy v Joe. For the title.
40:40 - Robbie is fucking boring
41:16 - OH WOW ANOTHER SLEEPER HOLD THIS IS AWESOME
43:21 - Based on what I've seen so far, if you think this is a good PPV, you've become desensitised to shite from watching too much TNA
45:05 - Not even Jay Lethal could save that match...crap match, crap ending. Jay deserves much better.
46:37 - FUCK YEAH SHARK BOY AGAIN
47:31 - That stunner was the best thing so far
47:50 - Rhyno v RVD? They had some pretty decent matches in ECW...this has potential. Although, having said that, wasting potential is TNA's specialty.
57:21 - Fucking idiots chanting you sold out...it's fake you fucking retards...take your sleevegloves and fuck off
1:00:00 - I thought the first match was pretty 'meh' when I watched it...but compared to the last two, it was awesome...this is really boring. It's literally as interesting as grinding in an MMO.
01:04:58 - Ok, that Van Terminator was pretty sweet...shame about the rest of the match tbh
01:06:20 - Kaz wearing shades indoors...sigh
01:07:25 - Kaz, a word in your ear...stealing lines from The Rock only highlights the massive gulf in mic ability between you and him. Just saying.
01:09:16 - AJ v Doug - looking forward to this one.
01:16:49 - That moonsault looked pretty nasty...
01:23:47 - Holy shit, Chaos Theory on the outside of the ring...AJ is dead
01:24:59 - Douggie beats AJ with the Styles Clash...fucking awesome :) The match started pretty well, was ok in the middle, and the end was great.
01:25:57 - I guess that means AJ is getting another TNA title run
01:26:54 - Christy Hemme looks a lot older than I remember her.
01:28:36 - Guns v Bucks :)
01:45:40 - That was pretty awesome, actually...
01:47:32 - This is, apparently, where the PPV turns shit
01:52:10 - Pope v Abyss. Casket match. This is going to be terrible.
01:57:13 - This is actually a lot better than I expected so far
02:04:42 - That was an ok match...I was expecting a bullshit ending but it was actually a clean one
02:05:59 - Joe v Jarrett in a submissions match...I hope it's as short and decisive as it sounds on paper
02:09:17 - I hope Jarrett's not gonna throw any kicks - he's calling himself an MMA specialist, but he doesn't have bare feet...
02:09:36 - FUCK YEAH SAMOA JOE
02:10:40 - Jarrett's MMA gimmick is fucking retarded. He claims to be an MMA specialist, but his hands are right down by his waist - which is a great way to get knocked the fuck out in record time. He's also got his feet taped, which is from Muay Thai - you can't kick in MMA without bare feet. This is almost as fucking stupid as when AJ fought Frank Trigg...
02:12:51 - "That's a Juji Gatami right there"...IT'S CALLED AN ARMBAR IN MMA, THEY'RE NOT DOING FUCKING JUDO
02:13:21 - Taz pretending to know what he's talking about is pissing me off
02:16:39 - This is a pretty decent match, but it's being completely ruined by the commentary
02:17:34 - This commentary is so bad, it might as well be Don West and Michael Cole
02:19:47 - What fucking submission? He didn't tap, he didn't say 'I quit' or anything...what the fuck is this shit?
02:20:15 - Pretty decent match, minus the commentary...but what the fuck was that ending? It wasn't even an ending, it's like finishing a regular match with no pin...just, what the fuck?
02:30:04 - Hardy v Morgan. Main Event. What the fuck.
02:31:20 - Fucking sleevegloves
02:32:53 - Another thrilling headlock
02:42:49 - Yeah, that was pretty boring

Dull PPV. UFC 124 was better.

Socko's week in wrestling

There was a lot to take in this week with Survivor Series and the fallout from that, so let’s take a quick look over this last week:

WWE Survivor Series:
The best way to look at this is to revisit my predictions:

-
“- Team Del Rio vs. Team Mysterio - Rey Mysterio, The Big Show, Kofi Kingston, M.V.P & Chris Masters vs. Alberto Del Rio, Jack Swagger, Drew McIntyre, "Dashing" Cody Rhodes & Tyler Reks.
Don’t watch Smackdown, so don’t care... flip a coin...
Del rio to win.”

So, the babyfaces won. Oh well. To be honest, this wasn’t a bad match. Drew McIntyre is possibly the most boring thing in WWE at the moment, but most of the others put on a decent match. I’m not sure what the WWE have against MVP, he got the biggest crowd pop of this match when he entered and yet he was quickly eliminated.
Match rating: ***


“- John Morrison vs. Sheamus
This match is stupid. Sheamus has been going after Santino for weeks, so he’s having a match with Morrison... who gives a fuck. Potential to be a half-decent match though.
Morrison to win.”
This was a really solid match, but I’ll admit that when I was watching it I was hoping that Triple H would do a run-in. There were some pretty innovative moves by Morrison in this one, but the ending felt a bit flat. Morrison won this one, so 1-1 on the predictions.
Match rating: ***½


“- 2 on 1 Handicap Match for WWE Unified Diva's Championship
Team Laycool (Michelle McCool & Layla) vs. Beth Phoenix
Don’t care about Divas...
The first one to win.”
I was wrong, but don’t care. I went to get a drink during this one. 1-2.


“- WWE United States Championship Match
Daniel Bryan vs. Ted DiBiase (w/Maryse)
This could be pretty good, but can see bullshit with Maryse. I’d like to see Danielson keep the strap.
Danielson to win.”
Danielson won and the match was great. I’ve decided that a dream match would be Danielson versus Angle, but I know that’s never going to happen. Just imagine how good that match could be? I think this match has put DiBiase up in my estimation: the guy can work. 2-2 on the predictions.
Match rating: ****


“- WWE Intercontinental Championship Match
Dolph Ziggler vs. Kaval
This could be the best match of the night, Kaval (Low-ki/Senshi) has been floundering a bit of late, so would like to see him win and have some matches with Danielson.
Low-ki to win”
It’s a shame that Low-ki is getting buried in the WWE. He didn’t get the title, and probably never will now . Though the match took a little to get going, it was truly excellent. There was one spot where Ziggler got kicked in the face pretty hard and his nose started bleeding. This was definitely the best match of the night. 3-2
Match rating ****½





“- WWE Tag Team Championship Match
Nexus (Justin Gabriel & Heath Slater) vs. Santino Marella & Vladimir Kozlov

Really? Is this the best they could come up with? TNA gives you Guns/Beer Money/Gen Me... WWE charges you to see Santino and the generic Russian guy versus the ones without personality who stand in a line with Wade Barrett wearing the same T-shirts. WWE tag team division is a complete joke, it really is.“
A joke with a bad punchline... this match was piss-poor and the Nexi retained. No prediction for this because I cared so little about this match.
Match rating: *



“- World Heavyweight Championship Match - Kane (w/Paul Bearer) vs. Edge
Who cares, will probably be less painful to watch the Kane/Taker... hope Edge wins.
Edge to win.”
This match was bullshit, Edge won, but then the decision was reversed. I didn’t realise they had Dusty Rhodes on the booking at WWE. The match itself was also awful. I’ve always thought that if you have the strap on a wrestling show, you should be able to put on a good match. How many good matches has Kane actually been in? No really, think about this. How many? Maybe his first few with Undertaker, maybe one or two decent ones when he was a dentist. This match was Kane by numbers, and shouldn’t have been on a PPV, let alone high card. Please fire Kane, he’s just rubbish. 2-4.
Match rating: *


“WWE Championship - Orton (c) vs. Barrett w/Cena as ref.
I’m hoping for a Cena heel turn and Barrett to take home the strap. I can’t stand Orton, the guy is as wooden as, erm, some wood and looks like one of the muppets (Beaker?). I can see a lot of bullshit going down in this match, maybe even a good few swerves, but I hope not.
Barrett to win.
(then Miz will cash in his Money in the Bank case)”

I got this one all wrong, Cena shoved Barrett at the end to allow Orton to get the win. The match was decent enough, it just wasn’t that great. I’ll admit that the ending took me by surprise (as it evidently did with Matt Striker who called that Cena was free, only to be quickly corrected by Lawler). As for the Miz, I was wrong... for 24 hours, at least...
Match rating: ***

So my predictions were way off on this. As a pay-per-view, this was a mixed bag. There were some stand-out matches, and some stinkers. The finale to the Cena/Nexus angle will be the biggest swerve in history (cue Cena in a match for a WWE contract as a masked wrestler at Royal Rumble.)

WWE Raw:
The fallout for Survivor Series and another decent Raw. There was another match with Danielson and BiBiase which was very good. There was also a long goodbye segment with John Cena which was probably one of the best babyface promos I think I’ve seen (he even called for the “Let’s go Cena/Cena sucks” chant.) Of course, this angle has no choice but to fail. Unless Cena is genuinely fired, or at minimum takes some time off, this could seriously damage Cena’s position. The promo ended with Cena walking out of the door... for good...
It was also good to see CM Punk on the announce team. At points he sounded very “broadcast journalist” offering quite a lot of generic play-by-play commentary. It was only when he started to allow his personality to come out that he became interesting. I hope that the WWE encourage Punk to be more of himself.
The main event of the evening saw a return match between Orton and Barrett, again it was a decent match which was won by Orton due to a run-in by... John Cena... the guy who had said goodbye and walked out of the WWE made his triumphant return on the same fucking night. Now I hope that this is a one-off, that this was Cena’s last bit of revenge against Barrett and only returns say when Barrett actually has the title. With Orton and Barrett both exhausted from their match, the Miz came in and cashed in his MiTB case and in now the WWE champion. Thank God the title has been stripped from Orton (even though it will blatantly go back to him at TLC.)

Next week is King of the Ring. I’m not sure why they still do this, but it means a 3 hour Raw, so who’s complaining. I hope they don’t have Kofi Kingston to win (King Kingston, eugh). I think a good heel character should win this, hopefully Sheamus or Del Rio, but we shall see. If I’ve learnt one thing from watch Raw recently it is that the storyline which would make most sense and make for better future programming isn’t the way they’ll go, so who knows?


TNA Impact:
TNA does not care about its international fans. The management are so focused on US ratings that they ignore the fact TNA Reaction isn’t aired in many places. This is why the main event, and the main angle of the show didn’t appear on Impact. So you watch the show on Bravo on a Saturday night. Most of the programme sucks, the matches are bad and the main event (a Survivor Series style elimination match, FFS) cuts off near the end and that’s it. UK viewers are say wondering “what the fuck was that? Where the fuck was the Dixie Carter stuff they’d be going on about all episode?” So I end up downloading it from an illegal torrent site so I can watch the fucking ending. I’ve said it before: why should I waste my time watching a show on TV that doesn’t even have the ending when I can download it for free and watch it all? It makes no real difference to me, but to the TV station, who is losing viewers week-after-week because they are choosing to just download it rather than watch it on TV, this just seems stupid. Advertising revenues go down with ratings, and I’m sure I’m not the only person getting sick of this. This just stinks of desperation on TNA’s part and is very short-sighted.
I watched some of Reaction and realised that it wasn’t worth my bandwidth. The elimination ended with a run-in by the NWO (Jeff Hardy) and Dixie Carter had an injunction for Hogan. Yeah! An injunction, wooo! FFS, are you serious? I can’t wait for the courtroom drama that will play out over the next few months. Who cares about wrestling when we can have courtroom drama? Maybe they could bring Judge Judy, maybe Hogan will be hit with a summons rather than a steel chair... oh dear.



On another note, just watched the Best of Tyler Black DVD by ROH, some awesome stuff on there.

That Clown from Outta Town - iMPACT October 14th 2010 - Boycott TNA, watch PWG instead!

Well, that didn't last long...I don't think even Foley himself has come back quicker than I did.

On the other hand, I'm not 'back' back - Socko asked me to do a review of this week's iMPACT because it was so terrible. Which is nice - whenever I tell him about wrestling it's 'Hey Socko, did you check out the Anderson v Angle cage match yet?' or 'Hey Socko, check out this awesome ECW match I found on youtube'. But when he tells me to watch something, it's because it's the shittest iMPACT in living memory. Socko, you're a sadist.

Still, he did literally put me in a mandible claw to get me to agree to do this. Let's get this shite over with, I've got better things to do.

0:55 - Quick tip, TNA - if you're going to start the show with a highlight package, don't make it a highlight package of something shit. That's not a highlight. It's just a piece of shit.
4:00 - 4 minutes in, I'm already bored. I don't really know the details of the contract angle, but it seems pretty stupid.
5:06 - The crowd chanting 'Hogan sucks'...like they've ONLY JUST realised that he's bad for TNA? Every idiot in that arena deserves everything they're getting.
6:18 - "...there is, a motor to this madness..." has to be the worst Shakespeare misquote I've ever heard, and it makes no fucking sense whatsoever.
8:25 - I'm not actually listening to a word they're saying...it's literally going in one ear and out the other..
9:00 - Here comes Abyss
9:43 - The crowd is pissing me off. Don't stand there booing, just walk out...the louder you complain, the more they'll go on about how much 'heat' they have. Just leave the arena, switch off your TV, and they'll go back to putting on a good show. Then you can start watching again.
11:57 - As stupid and boring as this is, I still like Jarrett's music.
12:41 - "Genius!" - Yeah, Jarrett, working for 8 years to build up a company only to hire the guy who wrecked your last company and lose everything sounds a lot like genius.
14:17 - Is this...a Fortune face turn?? Ok, now they have my interest
16:21 - And they lost it again. Still, 2 minutes out of 16 is pretty good for TNA nowadays.
17:52 "Now for the moment you've all been waiting for..." Er...some wrestling?
18:13 - Jeff Hardy. I don't think Bischoff understands the phrase 'the moment you've all been waiting for'.
18:47 - Hardy's new music is the most mediocre entrance music I've heard in a while. Dull as shit.
19:40 - Why does Hardy remind me of Raven tonight?
20:46 - Hardy's criticizing RVD for being a politician? What the fuck, you're Bischoff's buddy and just screwed Angle and Anderson out of the belt, and you're criticizing people for politics? Are you mental?
28:02 - Still bored.
32:33 - "You little smug shit" First sensible thing Dixie's said since January 4th...kinda surprised they didn't beep it to be honest
34:12 - I like Madison's new music
34:26 - And her new look
35:05 - I still hate her whiney voice though - fast forwarding
39:11 - Well that was fucking stupid.
40:14 - I have no idea who this woman is
41:33 - Mickie James...another WWE reject. Just what TNA needs right now.
41:59 - There's some kind of celebrity with even faker boobs than the Beautiful People...I'm gonna go ahead and guess reality star? Maybe pop singer, but American pop stars are usually hotter than that.
43:44 - Eric Young deserves better.
45:13 - 'Please don't go' chants for Angle. Damn straight.
51:19 - Kurt getting owned by security guards. Ffs TNA.
54:54 - Oh, a wrestling match...I'd almost forgotten that this was a wrestling show. The funny thing is, I'm genuinely not being sarcastic.
55:43 - FUCK YEAH JOE
58:44 - Seriously, TNA, go fuck yourself.
58:59 - RVD is making the save? Double fuck yourself you fucking cunt, TNA
59:46 - Wow, those are some pretty big scars RVD has from when Abyss attacked him with Janice. OH WAIT THERE AREN'T ANY
61:43 - Hardy's calling himself the new antichrist of professional wrestling...the last antichrist of professional wrestling was Judas Messias, so Jeff's in good company.
62:40 - RVD v Anderson is the main event. Sigh.
64:41 - Right. Now I'm really pissed off. Bischoff's firing his secretary, and he goes 'If you want to be part of TNA, put on some boots and go wrestle with the knockouts...because that's all you're good for'. Are you fucking kidding me? Wrestlers ARE the show. Being a wrestler is the highest fucking accolade in TNA, not a punishment...to dismiss wrestlers out of hand like that is a fucking insult. I know I usually fast forward the Knockouts, but they have consistently had the highest rated segments on the show for years. Why the fuck are TNA publicly disrespecting their most popular stars?
66:48 - Wow, Pope v all of Fortune? This ought to be a great match...
72:12 - What the fuck were they? They look like an internet meme gone wrong...
73:42 - Seriously, what the fuck are these people? Is it a joke like Ali G or what?
75:29 - They say if infinite monkeys had infinite typewriters and infinite time, eventually one of them would write the complete works of Shakespeare. This episode of iMPACT - three monkeys, ten minutes.
76:55 - Catfights are only good when a) the women are hot, b) the women are wearing skimpy clothing. When it's two moderately attractive women wearing full street clothes...what's the fucking point?
80:52 - RVD v Anderson. 2:22 left of the show. This is gonna be shit.

And the match ended on Reaction. I won't bother watching it because I don't give a fuck - and I only said I'd watch iMPACT. And I'm not watching again until the first iMPACT after Hogan and Bischoff leave. I might watch a PPV or two if the lineup looks decent though.

This was a pretty shit show. TNA's been this bad for a while. They're rehashing an old angle that was relevant 20 years ago, and was a failure even then. Now, it's both obsolete and a failure. I really hope ratings drop off so that the bean counters get the message that Hogan and Bischoff are ruining the show...if they do OK ratings-wise, this shit will never end.

Starting next month, I should be able to free up enough cash to start importing indie DVDs from the US, so I'll probably start reviewing PWG and Chikara, maybe others. I love PWG, even though I haven't seen nearly enough of it. If you have any interest in wrestling you should definitely take a look at their Youtube. Having said that, there's a PWG fan who makes homebrew highlight videos for Youtube, which are actually better than PWG's professional ones - it's definitely worth taking a look (although he's been pretty quiet lately).

TNA Impact: 14th October

As TNA is meant to be a wrestling show, I’ve decided I’m going to ignore the promos during this one. This is no easy challenge as most of the episode was taken up with people standing there with mics in their hands... and it was all Hogan/Bischoff Bullshit... ugh.

Only 37 minutes (not counting adverts) into this, we have our first match: a Knockouts match between Tara and Madison Rayne for the Knockouts championship. I use the word match very loosely here as all that happened was that the bell rang, Tara lay on the mat and Madison pinned her, thus become the new Knockouts champ. The match literally lasted less than 10 seconds.

At almost 55 minutes in, the first real match starts: Samoa Joe versus Abyss. This could have been a very good match, and started off quite promisingly with Joe being all over Abyss with a barrage of chops, punches and kicks. Abyss got the Chokeslam and Joe was down on the mat, not moving. Abyss left the ring and got a chair to attack Joe with, but Joe got up and did a Suicide Dive into the chair and cracked Abyss in the face. Abyss then took the ring bell and corked Joe over the head with it busting him wide open, brother. At this point Abyss was disqualified... a DQ after 2 minutes? Oh dear. With Joe looking weak and bleeding all over himself, Abyss goes for the post-match beat-down... hark! Who should save the day but Rob Van Dam... Since when does Joe get so beaten by Abyss, and since when did Joe need a run-in by RVD to save him?

By the end of the first hour, we’ve had less than 3 minutes of in-ring action... less than 3 minutes.

At just under 67 minutes in, we have our next match: a handicap match between the Pope and Fourtune. Yes, all six of them. I think the word Retarded would be more fitting here than Handicap. Unsurprisingly, Fourtune won. This match was given a whole 3 minutes, thus doubling the amount of in-ring action we’ve seen in this episode.

At 79 ½ minutes, we have our main event of the evening: RVD versus Mr Anderson for the number one contender spot. The match was actually pretty good, with both competitors putting on a great match... until about 8 minutes in... guess who should come out? Yep, Eric Bischoff. Bischoff comes down the ring and takes the ref to the back, allowing Jeff Hardy to do a run in and his both RVD and Anderson with steel chair. He got the chair tangled in Anderson’s arm, and dropped RVD onto it... and the NWO won... That spot with the chair was probably the highlight of the show, but it was an a mere glimmer in what was possibly the worst Impact I have ever seen. My eyes hurt from the amount of times I found myself rolling them.

12 minutes of wrestling in a 2 hour wrestling show is a joke. When NWO first started in WCW, their goal was to destroy WCW... even though it was a storyline, that is exactly what happened. Now they’re basically back in TNA, it is only a matter of time before the same thing happens. I feel really sad about this, because between 2006-2009, TNA was by far the best wrestling show, now it is becoming horrible to endure. I find that I’m only watching it just in case they put on a decent Guns, Williams or Wolfe match.


You made that sign...

TNA Bound for Glory predictions revisited

* Abyss Reveals "THEY"

As we saw on Before the Glory, Abyss is to be fired at one minute past midnight on the 11th, so this will be his last night in TNA... or not. I predict that "they" will either be a) James Mitchell accompanied by some TNA originals (Petey Williams, Monty Brown, Chris Harris, Daniels), b) Hogan with NWO style beard accompanied by Scott Hall and some other 'legends', c) there will be an invasion by ROH... I don't know, I've not been looking for spoilers or rumours because I don't want to ruin it, a) would make the most sense though.


This was an absolute digrace. Who were they? Why Hogan, Bischoff, Jarret and, um, Jeff Hardy. This being 'they' stinks to hell and the storyline makes absolutely no fucking sense. This was so retarded... It's also obvious that Dixie has signed control over to 'they'. FOR FUCKING FUCK'S SAKE, THIS IS THE SINGLE WORST THING THAT TNA HAS EVER DONE.

* Team 3D's Announcement

Not sure what to make of this one. I assume they are announcing their retirement, but it might be that they are going to bring back something to do with the IWGP titles... I really don't know.


Retirement it was, shame.


* Ink Inc. (Neal and Moore) vs. Orlando Jordan and Eric Young

In my best Ric Flair voice: "Are you kidding me?" - this is meant to be TNA's flagship PPV and they put on a mediocre tag-team against a comedy tag-team. FFS.

OJ and Eric to win

This was a good comedy match with Ink Inc. getting the win.

Match rating **


* Kevin Nash, Sting and The Pope vs. Jeff Jarrett and Samoa Joe

This match has been building for almost a year, and this is best they could come up with? Joe versus Pope would be sufficient. FFS.

Nash et al to win.

1/2 right. This match was retarded, there was no reason to leave Joe in the ring to get beaten by Sting et al.

Match rating *


* MONSTERS BALL: Abyss vs. RVD

This will probably be an entertaining match. I really want Abyss to fuck RVD up (properly this time).

Abyss to win.

RVD won, the match was pretty entertaining.

1/3

Match rating **

* LETHAL LOCKDOWN: EV2.0 vs. Fourtune

This match will be a complete clusterfuck, some of the guys should be in singles matches rather than this War Games bullshit.

Fourtune to win.

Shit, I'm well off the mark on this. This match was pretty dull, the usual LL Wargames style clusterfuck. Would much rather have seen some of these guys in singles bouts. Found myself getting bored during the match at a few points, but was suprised by the finish.

1/4

Match rating **

* TNA X-DIVISION TITLE MATCH: Jay Lethal © vs. Douglas Williams

Didn't like the way the strap was given to Lethal without build-up, but would like to see him retain to bring X Division back to what it was.

Lethal to win.


I got this, but Doug clearly had Lethal for three. See next Botchamania. On the whole it was a good match, always love it when Doug does his Chaos Theory, reminds me of a move that Zangief does in Street Fighter IV

2/5

Match rating ***1/2

* TNA KNOCKOUTS TITLE MATCH: Angelina Love © vs. Velvet Sky vs. Madison Rayne vs. Tara (With Mickie James As Special Referee).

Hmm, difficult to call, can see Velvet pinning Angelina.

Velvet to win.


This was a pretty decent match, Tara won, which suprised me and Mickie James will hopefully inject some new life into KO division.

2/6

Match rating ***

* TNA TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH: The Motor City Machineguns © vs. Generation Me

Guns to retain, this will be a great match.

As predicted, this was by far the best match of the evening, the Guns are awesome and Gen Me are starting to look like convinving heels. I love this style of wrestling and this is what drew me to TNA in the first place. Sort your shit out TNA.

3/7

Match rating ****

* FOR THE VACANT TNA TITLE: Kurt Angle vs. Mr. A

Obviously pointing to an Angle win, and I'd welcome that, even though it's a bit obvious. saying that, I can see Anderson getting the pin on Hardy so Angle doesn't technically lose. This could be match of the year, let's hope there is no Bischoff bullshit.

Anderson to win.

This is an example of how to completely ruin what could have been the best match of the year. The ending to this match was absolute bullshit and ruined the event for me. FUCK YOU TNA.

Hardy won, with bullshit from Hogan/Bischoff.


Match rating before bullshit *****
Match rating after bullshit -*****

So I was way off with my predictions, but TNA were way off with their PPV. Without the bullshit, there were some good matches. The booking defies logic, reason, storytelling... I CAN'T EMPHASISE HOW MUCH TNA SUCKS BECAUSE OF THIS.