Royal Rumble 2012

I think we all know Sheamus is gonna win this thing. Still, Punk v Dolph should be pretty interesting, someone's getting screwed but no idea who or how.

LET'S DO THIS

Nice, Bryan's up first...he's gonna get battered though

Michael Cole hates conceited people, apparently

Did Booker just say "This is fucking dangerous"

Holy shit, Bryan not only won, but won clean...awesome

And since he's a heel now, there's a good chance Punk might actually pull it off too

Kane v Cena...tempted to fast forward because I really don't give a shit

Cena can lift Big Show but not Kane...what

Pretty dull match...this should have gone first

Oh god, this is painful...the suffocation move looks terrible

I wonder what happened to the guy who won Tough Enough. Haven't heard from him in ages.

It's turned into a backstage brawl...boring as fuck

Kane v Ryder in a wheelchair is actually pretty funny...that should have been the actual match

That got a lot better after the match finished

Drew McIntyre gets a match? Why?. Literally nobody gives a fuck about him

OH SHIT ITS THE FUNKASAURUS

You'd think this'd get old.,,Nope.

Another quick win. I'm curious to see what'll happen when he gets a serious opponent

Punk time...Gonna grab some snacks and a beer, and enjoy the show.

Powebomb from Punk...don't think I've seen that before

FUCKING REF BUMP, NOT NOW WWE, DO THIS SHIT TO CENA OR ORTON OR WHOEVER THE FUCK BUT NOT DURING AN ACTUALLY DECENT MATCH

Very nice GTS reversal by Ziggler

Good match, the ref bump added nothing and it would have worked much better with no shenanigans...but still tied for match of the night with the cage match

RUMBLE TIME MOTHERFUCKER

So, Sheamus is going to win, but I'm hoping for Foley. Or THE MOTHERFUCKING FUNKASAURUS

Miz is number 1. This is good because he won't win, but bad because he's on my screen right now

Miz v Alex Riley...flashbacks to when the WWE was shit

FOLEY FOLEY FOLEY

Ricardo Rodriguez best entrance so far

Cobra v Socko is my favourite moment of the show so far

Foley's gone...it's all up to Brodus now. If he's even in it.

Holy shit, Kofi walking on his hands to avoid elimination...amazing

Dolph's in it...so Brodus might be...LETS GO FUNKASAURUS

Hacksaw Jim Duggan :D

FUCK YEAH KHARMA'S BACK WIN THIS THING KONG

Goddamit shes gone

Fuck, Booker said Sheamus is his number one pick, so he cant possibly win...gotta be a heel then...please don't be Miz

No Funkasaurus :(

Ok so down to Sheamus and Y2J...but Booker said Sheamus was gonna win, so it has to be Jericho, right?

Nope, I was right all along...Booker just threw me off

iMPACT, Jan 19th 2012

It's amazing that Robert Roode and Daniel Bryan have the exact same angle, but with Bryan I can't wait to see what'll happen next and with Roode I just want to sleep through it.

Sting < Laurenaitas < Teddy Long

TNA are going to England and I won't be there T_T

Kaz is the worst heel

Magnus comes to the ring

Magnus gets pinned

Crimson is the least convincing monster I think I've ever seen

At least Joe's kicking some arse

Eric Young makes me laugh

Fire Garrett

Oh god, they actually did a Garrett montage so now he's good at wrestling what the fuck TNA that's not how real life works

Knockouts cage match...haven't seen one of these in a while

Actually pretty decent

MCMG music, thought Sabin was back and got all excited but it's just Shelly

He's actually a lot better on the mic than I remember

Eric Young v Angelina...pretty dumb since all the fans know they can't show male on female violence on Spike

As dumb as I thought it'd be, but anthing with Eric is worth watching

Main event...there will definitely be a screwjob, so fastforwarding

Yup, screwjob...surprised it's Bubba not Roode

Smackdown time :)

LETS DO THIS

- Randy Orton v Mark Henry tonight! Fucking yay, match of the year

- Starting with Christian in the ring...nice. A lot of wrestling shows could stand to actually start with a match

- Christian v Sheamus? Could be pretty decent

- Orton interrupting the post match beatdown again

- Did they really put Big Show v HHH from god knows when in the middle of Smackdown, or is the guy who uploaded the show playing silly buggers?

- Maybe someone got hurt, or did a shoot or something in that spot and they put the match there to fill the time?

- Including the 'Vault' thingie, and the Cena promo, that was like 20 minutes of nothing relevant whatsoever...better than 75 minutes + over at TNA, but still WTF

- And then a rundown of the PPV matches...this is like 25 minutes now, a quarter of the fucking show

- I've never been more happy to see Todd Grisham

- OH LOOK ANOTHER FUCKING REPLAY (but this time it's Kong so it's ok)

- Divas FUCK YES ANOTHER FUCKING KONG RUN IN ON THE WAY MOTHERFUCKERS

- No Kong? WHAT THE FUCK

- Zeke promo...what

- Clearly went to the same promo school as Matt Morgan

- Kane, Show and Zeke v Corre...I knew it was only a matter of time

- Chavo talking shit about Sin Cara again...I think he's serious this time

- Chavo v Daniel Bryan, Chavo promising to beat him in under 5 minutes...I was really hoping Bryan would do better on Smackdown, but they seem to have him as a generic jobber :/

- Not a bad match actually.

- Ted DiBiase coming out with Cody Rhodes? Weren't they feuding last week?

- Weird promo...DiBiase with a bag on his head, talking in a Mexican accent, no explanation whatsoever

- Trent Baretta...kinda digging his music tbh

- Destroyed in about a minute or so

- Pointless Khali match

Pretty boring Smackdown too :/ Hopefully there'll be a ton of drama at the PPV to liven things up a little...

RAW 16th May 2011

I should be playing L.A. Noire right about now, but it's not out here till Thursday at the earliest...that means it's RAW time.

LETS DO THIS

- Watching on Youtube, don't look at the comments, don't look at the comments...
- Looked at the comments...Goldberg, talented? These people are fucking morons.
- Cena
- Alex Riley with the interruption before he even opens his mouth...nice
- Miz :/ Miz v Cena is a really dull feud
- 'Boo this fool' sign in the audience...I agree with that guy
- Cena trying to do 'funny'...it's the worst part of his gimmick by far. He's really good at 'intense', he should just stick to that
- Kofi v Punk :) Nice
- Could have been better, Punk got dominated but won with a Go To Sleep
- Just realised that's the first time I've seen Punk win in ages
- Cole v Lawler contract signing coming up :/
- DIVAS FUCK YES KONG'S GONNA FUCK YOU ALL UP
- L.A. Noire advert...rubbing it in >:(
- MITB is it's own PPV now??
- Not the greatest match tbh...it's gotta be Kong time soon
- HERE SHE FUCKING COMES KONGS GONNA BEAT YOU TO DEATH WITH YOUR SISTERS HEAD
- Kong (sorry, Kharma) is one of the highlights of WWE right now
- Mysterio...hope Crackhead Truth shows up
- Mysterio called out Truth, and Truth actually didn't come out? Don't know that I've ever seen anyone ignore a callout before
- Del Rio v Mysterio
- Was going OK, but Truth interrupted
- AN INTERRUPTION WITH NO BEARING ON THE MATCH WHAT WAS THE FUCKING POINT
- Truth with a mic again...he's on meth
- Contract signing time...Someone's going through that table
- KISS THEM YOU PEASANT
- Nobody went through the table :(
- Show & Kane v Nexus...they're feuding two very similar factions in two different shows, it's weird
- "Another Zack Ryder Sign" sign
- Am I the only one who's more excited about the Christian v Orton match than the actual main event for the PPV?
- Zack Ryder chilling with Cena again :)
- Cena v Swagger :)
- Actually more boring than I was expecting

Kinda boring RAW, especially going into a PPV. I actually prefer Smackdown tbh. Maybe I'll check out some TNA so I start appreciating it again...

May 13th Smackdown

This Smackdown is all about Kong and the Christian angle for me.

LETS DO THIS

- Here comes Christian :)
- Rematch at the PPV...if last week's match was anything to go by, it could be the match of the night.
- Sheamus coming out to interrupt Christian...I'd rather see Danielson tbh
- "...the Dubyaubya universe..." Good work, Sheamus
- Sheamus v Christian :D This could be fucking awesome
- And Mark Henry comes out again :/
- Mark Henry & Sheamus in a handicap match v Christian...Orton with the save...What is going on
- Main event is gonna be a tag match with those 4...could be pretty decent, 3/4 of them are great.
- Chavo starting shit with Sin Cara again...Sin Cara is fucking awesome...his music is a bit 'world music'-y, could use a bit more energy, but in the ring he's great
- FUCK YEAH SIN CARA v DANIEL FUCKING BRYAN IF BRYAN WASN'T CLEARLY GONNA JUST JOB TO HIM THIS WOULD BE AWESOME
- Pretty good match actually, less one-sided than I was expecting...Chavo completely ruined it on the commentary though. I'd love it to lead to an awesome PPV match...and I still love that Aeon Flux
- Sin Cara pushes Chavo after the match for the interference...a feud is clearly brewing, I kinda wish they'd just get into it
- I completely forgot about the Corre
- DIVAS OH FUCK YES KONG IS GOING TO SMASH YOUR FUCKING SKULL INTO THE MAT
- COLE INTERRUPTING THE DIVAS KONG IS GOING TO DECAPITATE COLE AND PUNT HIS HEAD INTO THE CROWD FUCK YEAH
- LESS TALK MORE KONG
- "...crawl back into your glass house like a little puppy..." What does that even mean...Puppies don't live in glass houses, or crawl...what in the fuck is she talking about
- FUCK YES ITS FUCKING KONG TIME NOW MOTHERFUCKERS COLE YOU ARE DEAD
- WHY ARE YOU ATTACKING LAYLA COLE IS RIGHT THERE KILL HIM FOR FUCKS SAKE
- NOW ITS ON COLE YOUR PLASTIC BOX WONT SAVE YOU
- Cole survived...but he looks like he's about to start crying
- Wade Barrett v Kane...I'm sure Zeke'll batter the entire Corre at some point, probably team up with Show and Kane for a 6 man tag at the PPV or something
- Beatdowns are so fucking boing
- Zeke comes out, takes out the 2 little guys whose names I can't remember, Barrett fluffs a big boot, Zeke sells it anyway, gets up, batters them all again, gets battered, left lying in the middle of the ring...one of the most pointless run-ins I've ever seen
- The Khali kiss cam is back...fast forwarding
- Ted DiBiase...I'd completely forgotten about him
- CODY FUCKING RHODES WITH A MICROPHONE FUCK YEAH
- Standard Cody promo. So, fucking awesome, then
- "Let's go and 'make some more statements'" - What you three get up to in the locker room is your business, Wade
- Main event time
- Pretty decent match, Christian got battered for most of it but came away with the pin

Decent Smackdown, I was disappointed Cole escaped from Kong (I really ought to get used to calling her Kharma, but Kong sounds so much better), but apart from that and the kiss cam, good stuff all round.

Smackdown May 5th

After this week's RAW, I hope we get a decent Smackdown at least. Christian's the champ and Kong might show up, so how bad can it be?

LET'S DO THIS

- 'Push Zack Ryder' sign in the audience
- Sharks circling in the water already...Mark Henry coming out to interrupt Christian...you know that belt's not staying with him for long...
- Khali coming out too...this is starting to look like a very weird episode of Oz
- Did Khali just call Christian 'Kitchen'?
- Randy Orton...I think that's checkmate for Christian :/
- Teddy Long...he's so...fucking annoying...he pauses...every two...words. I wish...he'd just...talk normally.
- Teddy just called Christian 'Kristen'...nobody can say his fucking name
- Christian v Orton tonight :( I guess a one-week title reign is better than no title reign, right? Shame he didn't get to keep hold of it till the PPV though
- SHEAMUS v DANIEL BRYAN FUCK YEAH KILL HIM BRYAN
- I hope this match is revenge for Daniel Bryan, the last two matches they've had Sheamus dominated
- Sheamus dominating again...I hope this'll mean a miracle comeback
- Ridiculous missile dropkick from Daniel Bryan
- Sheamus countered a suicide dive with a big boot...it's all over :( Still, closest match yet...Bryan nearly had him with a submission...
- CODY FUCKING RHODES FUCK YEAH
- "I forced Rey Mysterio to expose himself"...let's just stick to talking about wrestling, eh?
- Standard Cody promo...but a standard Cody promo is fucking awesome so I'm not complaining
- Big Show v Ezekiel Jackson...first Zeke singles match I've seen...don't see him getting through Show though
- He not only beat him, but he actually looked pretty impressive doing it
- 7 minute replay of Rock's birthday on RAW...that was a lot of fast forwarding
- DIVAS FUCK YEAH KONG'S GONNA KILL YOU
- HERE COMES KONG YOU FUCKING DEAD NOW
- Sin Cara v Tyson Kidd...who the fuck is Tyson Kidd? His hair is fucking awful
- Oh I remember, he's one of the Hard Dynasty guys
- Sin Cara wins with the Aeon Flux...I fucking LOVE that move...He's quickly becoming one of my favourite guys in WWE, I love the luchadore style
- WWE promoting anti-bullying, after the way they treated that 'Skidmarks' guy on Tough Enough? They called him 'Skidmarks' from day one, they were constantly berating him for minor things, they prevented him from training because he stumbled stepping into the ring, and Booker assaulted him in front of all the other contestants...fucking hypocrites, for real
- Main event time...LETS GO CHRISTIAN (even though you're obviously going to lose)
- New champ :( I like Orton, but it sucks for Christian to lose the belt so soon. Really good match though.

Pretty cool Smackdown, way better than RAW

RAW, May 2nd 2011

Not too sure about tonight's RAW, it's a 'Rock's Birthday Special'...doesn't sound too interesting, but there's a decent chance Kong will kill another Diva so I'm watching anyway.

LETS DO THIS

- I'm already sick of hearing about Osama, he's only been dead two days...I don't want to hear about this shit on a wrestling show..FUCK OFF
- National Anthem? You are fucking kidding me
- Right, fast forwarded 5 minutes of shit I don't care about LETS START THE FUCKING SHOW
- Miz v Cena rematch...as if Miz has the remotest of fucking chances
- HERE COMES ROCKY
- Now Rock's going on about this shit...FFS, if I wanted to watch people going on and on about shit I don't care about I'd watch TNA
- God damn this is a boring promo from The Rock...I thought it'd be a lame-ass special episode, but I didn't realise it'd be this bad
- Rock just battered Cole...I thought it was the end of a terrible segment, but he's STILL FUCKING TALKING
- Oh my god, some bald cunt is singing a terrible, terrible pop song...I WANT TO SEE SOME FUCKING WRESTLING WHAT IS THIS SHIT
- Right, after a bit of fast forwarding it's Morrison v Truth...normally I'd be happy to see this match, but I'm still pissed off about the screwjob at the PPV...tempted to give up on RAW and just wait for Smackdown...but Kong'll probably be here at some point
- Looks like the match is getting called off because of a pre-match beating by Truth :/
- Divas...KONG TIME MOTHERFUCKERS
- Lol, one move into the match and Kong shows up...YOU ARE BOTH GOING TO DIE
- Cena v Miz...fast forwarding because I don't give a shit
- Cena retained what a fucking surprise
- JESUS CHRIST THEY ARE GOING ON ABOUT FUCKING OSAMA AGAIN
- Swagger & McIntryre v Rey Mysterio and Kofi

The stream's died so I can't watch the rest for now, given how bad the rest of it was I don't think I'll bother tbh.

Extreme Rules 2011

I really need to remember not to go on Reddit the day after wrestling...three matches spoiler'd :/ Still, should be a good show so

LETS DO THIS

- Starting with Punk v Orton? I would have thought that was way further up the card
- Nexus kicked out of ringside...this match ought to be fucking awesome
- That beard has to mean a heel turn for Orton
- "Revenge is the ultimate payback" - fantastic commentary, Booker
- "...on that hard steel floor; on that hard concrete..." Booker's on fire tonight
- Very cool match, Orton won with a top rope RKO...he seems to have won every single match in this feud :/
- Sheamus v Kofi in a tables match
- Pretty decent...nothing special considering it was a table match though
- Country Whipping match time...I still don't know what that means
- Cole coming out wrapped in bubble wrap
- Cole won with a roll-up...THE FEUD THAT REFUSED TO DIE
- Cody Rhodes is so fucking awesome...best gimmick in wrestling today
- Cody v Rey...this should be awesome
- The crowd seem pretty flat tonight
- Mysterio is doing the green mist now??
- Decent enough match...faces win every single match in the WWE though, better than constant screwjobs but still predictable as fuck
- Divas...I don't give a shit about the match, but I do know that Kong shows up and presumably wrecks everybody's shit so there's that to look forward to
- Layla does the Diamond Dust? Impressed.
- More 2-counts than Taker v HHH
- Pretty decent match, better than I was expecting
- FUCK YEAH AWESOME KONG YOU GONNA DIE BLONDIE
- Lays out McCool, cuts to the Divas watching on a monitor, all look like 'oh shit', fucking awesome...she could stop doing that stupid laugh and I wouldn't complain, though
- Ladder match time :D I know Christian wins, but I still want to watch the whole thing. Does that make it just him and Angle who have been both TNA and WWE champs? In terms of the main belt, at least? Obv the Dudleys were tag champs in both etc etc
- Biggest chant of the night so far, and it's for Christian :)
- Christian doing the Spear :) I fucking knew he'd do it
- Christian got busted open...didn't see it happen, looked like it may be from struggling during the cross arm breaker through the ladder
- Edge shows up in a jeep, Brodus Clay is bleeding like crazy, a huge pool of blood on the mat where he fell...looks like most of the blood on Christian might actually be from Clay...CHRISTIAN IS THE FUCKING CHAMPION FUCK YEAH
- Great match, easily match of the night so far
- Saying he won because of Edge is bollocks...he was seconds from winning when Clay got involved, so if there were no run-ins he would have won anyway...all Edge did was even the odds.
- Shit Miz promo is shit
- Lumberjack tag match? What is this shit...
- Who actually likes lumberjack matches, seriously? There's never been a good lumberjack match, ever
- Barrett and Jackson are an unbelievably dull tag team
- That was pretty shit, but thankfully also pretty short
- Lumberjacks are brawling...ffs
- Main event time
- Bad landing for Miz
- Morrison totally deserves to win this, he's miles better than the other two
- Fucked up landing on that monkey flip...Morrison was bouncing around like he was doing The Worm
- FFS Morrison could have won the match, but did a Starship Pain off the top of the cage instead...it was cool and all, but it looked so fucking stupid when he could have just won the thing
- YOU ARE FUCKING KIDDING ME R TRUTH FUCK YOU YOU CUNT
- This is bullshit, it's like I'm watching TNA or something
- Cena wins...I'm glad they took the belt off the Miz, but I'm pissed off that Morrison got so close only to get screwed...if he'd just got battered and been nowhere close I wouldn't have minded, but to have him basically win the match and then get screwed is fucking stupid. I really hope Cena doesn't keep the belt for the next 11 months just for his one match with The Rock.

An okay PPV, Christian v Del Rio was the highlight followed by the Divas match...everything else ranged somewhere between decent and mediocre.

Smackdown April 29th 2011

Watching this with my girlfriend who doesn't watch wrestling, so this should either be the funniest or the most annoying Smackdown ever...we'll see.

LETS DO THIS

- Mark Henry v Rey...it'll be like watching a gorilla fight a stickman
- I still think Orton's stubble might mean a heel turn
- Drew McIntyre interrupting Randy Orton? It's like he wants his teeth pushed down his throat
- This promo is awesome...every time Orton tries to talk, someone comes to the ring to get battered...I'm cracking up
- Del Rio not making the rookie mistake of getting in the ring with him
- Only 3-on-one? This is Orton ffs
- Sheamus v Kofi
- Oh my god, JR really did a number on Michael Cole...his face looks awful
- I like Swagger's music
- Sin Cara v Swagger? They're actually giving him a real opponent? This is interesting
- This match is awesome
- Sin Cara won...despite the fact that one of Swagger's flailing legs hit the bottom rop while he was being pinned...cool match though
- More Kong teasers...JUST PUT HER ON THE FUCKING SHOW ALREADY
- Time for Corre's rematch...guessing they might actually get the belts what with Show going to Raw
- Nope, Show and Kane retain
- Khali on the screen...girlfriend goes 'What's that?'
- Rey v Mark Henry time...this is gonna be ridiculous
- Cool match...Henry was destroying Rey, but Rey has Luchador Invincibility and he didn't seem to give a shit...but then Cody came out to batter Rey and got the DQ
- Cody paper bagging people like he's the Beautiful People from 3 or 4 years ago
- Lay v Cool...
- Double count out in about 15 seconds
- Main event time
- Pretty standard tag match with no real surprises...but executed flawlessly.

Pretty decent Smackdown...Sin Cara and Swagger stole the show. No sign of Danielson :( Maybe after the PPV...

That Clown from Outta Town - WWE Draft 2011

Draft time. I don't think I've ever actually seen a draft before, so this should be interesting.

I actually saw a spoiler online by accident, so I know Cena and Orton are heading to Smackdown, but I stopped reading so I don't know the rest...not sure why they're sending two of their biggest stars to the 'b' show, but there we go.

LETS DO THIS

-Starting with a Battle Royale, my least favourite type of match...
- Daniel Bryan to win (yeah right)
- He was 5th from last to go to be fair
- Smackdown wins the first pick
- Cena...but I knew that already
- Cole v JR is the main event? I hope it's not the actual main event
- Here comes Truth
- 'Y'all gon stop with that What' 'WHAT'
- 'Y'all pissin me the hell off' Awesome promo, dude
- 'You know what?' 'WHAT'
- They keep letting him say 'pissed' but beeping the 'off'...makes no sense
- This promo is fucking weird...mainly because nobody is listening and just going 'WHAT' the whole time
- SARANARA ARIBADERCHY
- I wish Morrison had ambushed him 5 or 6 minutes earlier...that was terrible
- More Kong...can't wait
- Or Kharma as she now seems to be known
- Divas
- Cole interrupting the match on the mic...awesome
- Weird fucking brawl...the little brunette battering the big blonde, crying the whole time
- Rey's heading to RAW
- Lol, Zack Ryder...
- Rey's music is awesome. But, crap at the same time.
- Cody :D
- Cody's promos are awesome
- Kofi Kingston v Sheamus...interesting
- Woo Woo Woo sign in the audience...wonder if it'll get confiscated
- Kofi won...didn't see that coming
- Orton...so we're up to the point I already saw, the rest should be a proper surprise
- Cole v JR...Cole's probably going to win, but I'm sure it'll be a mess
- Best troll heel ever
- Cole just stomped on JR's hat...it's on now
- Looks like JR busted Cole's lip...didn't think they were allowed to bleed on WWE any more
- Flogging JR with his own belt...fucking hell
- Started as comedy, but it turned fucking nasty at the end
- The main event is gonna be a 'country whipping' match...what the fuck does that even mean
- Orton v Dolph...poor Dolph
- Actually...what the fuck kind of name is Dolph? Never occurred to me before, but what the fuck even is that
- Orton still with that Angle Slam
- Another pick for Smackdown
- Punk interrupting the draft pick
- Punk v Orton is gonna be a last man standing match :) No hail-mary RKOs, how can Orton possibly win?
- Orton's got stubble...I predict a heel turn once he gets to Smackdown
- Mark Henry and Sin Cara heading to Smackdown
- Wade Barrett v Rey Mysterio
- Rey wins, short match
- Big Show heading to RAW...but he's tag champ with Kane...
- Alberto Del Rio going to RAW also...more reason to believe Christian's gonna get that belt :D
- Teddy Long...I really don't like him on the mic
- Punk, Del Rio and Miz v Christian, Mark Henry and Cena...the entrances alone are gonna take about 10 mins
- Awesome Tornado DDT by Christian
- Mark Henry heel turns and takes out Cena
- And Christian
- Lol, Cena's been drafted back to RAW

Pretty cool RAW, it was basically all wrestling, (almost) no bullshit. The Cena thing was a waste of time, though.

I don't really see the draft picks as a big deal, if you watch both shows it doesn't really change anything significant...and half the time you get guys from one show appearing on the other anyway.

That Clown from Outta Town - April 22nd Smackdown

Waiting for the videogame shop to get a delivery so I can play Portal 2...should be just enough time for Smackdown.

LETS DO THIS

- Corre stand to lose all the belts tonight...just in time for the draft
- Michael Cole trolling the fuck out of England
- Cody Rhodes :)
- Handing out paper bags to the crowd to cover their faces...I don't really get this promo, but it's awesome
- Rhodes and Mysterio keep putting on great matches...I'd kinda like to see a best of 5 series like the with MCMG v Beer Money
- Even the post-match brawl is good
- The couple's therapy promos are like the worst sitcom ever...worse than Gimme Gimme Gimme...worse than Two Pints...worse than My Family...
- But, to be fair, not as bad as a Mr Anderson promo
- Cole at it again
- KISS IT YOU PEASANT
- I wonder how many people around the world think that was really the Queen? I sure as fuck wouldn't recognise any world leaders apart from the Queen, Cameron, and Obama
- Who the fuck is Trent Barreta?
- Show and Kane about to batter a ginger and a dude with the most unrecognisable accent I've ever heard
- New champs...how the fuck is anyone ever going to get the belts off those two?
- Drew MacIntyre's music is still the worst song in all of wrestling
- Who the fuck is Chris Masters
- McIntyre is definitely a lot better than I remember him
- Literally 7 minutes of replays from RAW and earlier in the show...what
- IC title time
- Kofi didn't win :( Pretty decent match though
- Del Rio's retirement party for Edge...I'm guessing a lot of people are going to be pissed off about this one
- Fake Lita is awesome...but she does look like a sofa with legs. It might actually be the same fatty Pope had a month or so ago
- Del Rio's presents for Edge are awesome...adult diapers, a zimmerframe and a mobility scooter...Christian is about to come batter Del Rio, clearly
- I'm sure that promo sounded a lot funnier when they were writing it than it actually turned out to be
- Edge comes out with a mic :)
- Christian batters Brodus and Del Rio with a ladder, then climbs it and grabs the belt :) I really hope he wins it at the PPV

Decent show...Rhodes and Mysterio was the highlight, but the whole thing was great. I'm so glad I switched from iMPACT to Smackdown. I'm sure I'll get bored of all-WWE all the time though, so I might check out some ROH or something.

Anyway, Portal time :D

That Clown from Outta Town - RAW April 18th

I'm watching this week's RAW online as an experiment...the video's split into 10 parts, so I'm not even going to bother trying to keep track of the time.

I can't remember anything that happened last week apart from Edge, and the Cole/Swagger thing, so there's nothing I'm hugely looking forward to...

LET'S DO THIS

- They're in London :)
- R Truth
- 'Austen 3:16'...FFS, England
- Here comes Morrison
- Straight into a match for Truth's spot at the PPV
- The crowd do not give a fuck
- The sound's a second out of synch...really distracting
- FUCK YES MORRISON GETS A MOTHERFUCKING TITLE SHOT...this PPV is getting interesting
- Truth with some brutal looking knees after the match
- Truth smoking indoors...that'll be a £1000 fine iirc
- 'That's illegal' chant :)
- 'Think of the children R-Truth!'
- That was a really weird segment...the crowd were pretty funny though
- Evan Bourne :)
- Dolph's got a new haircut...looks...generic
- Quick win for Dolph
- Michael Cole to be knighted by the queen, apparently...I'm sure he'll just be taking the piss
- Miz taking over the ring and refusing to leave...not even slightly original
- Sin Cara about to batter Miz
- How the fuck does he jump over the top rope? He must have a springboard or something at ringside
- Pretty neat match
- Orton v Punk rematch :)
- New Kong teaser :)
- I cannot fucking wait until she shows up
- Divas
- Their queen is ridiculous...it's just an old woman...and she's tiny
- KISS THEM YOU PEASANT
- Santino time...I still can't decide if he's funny or if he makes me cringe
- Santino v Sheamus...should be over pretty quickly
- Orton v Punk time
- Orton with the Angle Slam again...kinda weird to see two guys communicating through wrestling moves
- SUPERPLEX
- Fucking hell, reversed the RKO into a kick to the head
- Really good match, shame the ending was a roll-up...that one match was better than the whole of Lockdown
- Obligatory Nexus run-in

Pretty cool Raw...and the main event was brilliant. Shame TNA can't put a show together this well to be honest...the talent over there is amazing but they're given fuck all to work with. In WWE, even the mediocre wrestlers look good because the show is so well made.

What happened to Daniel Bryan? Feels like I haven't seen him in ages.

That Clown from Outta Town - Lockdown 2011

It's late, but I'm gonna be fast forwarding at least 2 of the matches so I'm gonna give Lockdown a watch.

LET'S DO THIS

04:31 - Ultimate Escape match...this should be awesome. Shame there's nothing on the line...Kaz is champ and he's in Lethal Lockdown.
5:12 - Robbie fucking E
08:14 - Sabin or Red to win
08:28 - Wait, it's tag style, not just a massive brawl?
11:09 - Suicide eliminated by Robbie E, didn't even use his finisher...FFS TNA
11:47 - I'm not sure who Suicide is now...Daniels and Kaz are both wrestling as themselves...is one of them doing double shifts, or is there a new Suicide?
12:20 - A Sabin v Lethal feud would be fucking awesome
14:17 - Red out to Sabin...Sabin to win
15:49 - Max Buck eliminates Sabin...uh...either Buck to win
19:57 - Robbie E eliminated, biggest cheer of the night so far
21:59 - Good match, but I feel like it could have been so much better
23:56 - Fucking Bischoff...it's a fucking PPV FFS just fuck off
26:38 - I think Bischoff actually thinks the fans are booing him solely because he's a heel...and not because he's shit on the mic...and his name is synonymous with utter failure and terrible wrestling shows
27:55 - 'We want wrestling' chant...totally agree
28:42 - TNA is a fucking shambles...if Immortal not having the belt is such a big deal, strip Sting of the title and give it to whoever...for fucks sake, we put up with all that bullshit for them to take control, and now they have control they don't use it...WHAT WAS THE FUCKING POINT...a FUCKING LAPTOP in WWE has more power than these fucking clowns
31:44 - Tag time...Crimson and Steiner to win
34:43 - A cage match where you're not allowed to escape the cage...TN fucking A
37:39 - This commentary is terrible...2 old men making gay jokes directed at Orlando Jordan...it's a sad state of affairs when Michael Cole is preferable to anything
41:41 - Just realised OJ & Eric are wearing Jimmy Snuka pants...someone's coming off the top of the cage :)
43:45 - Young escaped but didn't win (I DO NOT UNDERSTAND), dressed as Jimmy Snuka but didn't jump off the top of cage...FFS TNA
47:02 - Knockouts
52:37 - over in less than a minute...I'm guessing they cut it short so they can add a whole bunch of bullshit to the main event
55:14 - JOE v POPE FUCK YEAH JOE EAT HIS BRAIN AND PUKE IT DOWN HIS THROAT
57:20 - FUCK YEAH JOE'S BACK AT PPV MOTHERFUCKERS ABOUT FUCKING TIME
66:43 - COME ON JOE FUCKING KILL HIM
67:10 - Pope hanging off the cage with his arse hanging out
68:42 - Joe gets the win...was a bit more even than I was hoping for, Joe should be dominating the pope with ease
70:15 - Hernandez v Morgan...fast forwarding
87:24 - Karen interview...is it Kurt time already?
91:33 - This should be the main event...I might cut my losses after the match and just stop watching
93:10 - How awesome would it be if Angle locked the cage from the inside, and beat the living shit out of Jarrett for real
95:25 - Just remembered it best of 3 falls :D
96:32 - 1st fall is submission only...referee does a pinfall when Kurt has his shoulders on the mat. Typical fucking TNA
99:36 - Angle just reversed an armbar into an ankle lock...fucking hell
99:47 - First fall already??
104:10 - Jarrett's kicking out of angle slams now? When the fuck did that happen?
108:43 - 5 consecutive German suplexes by Angle
111:21 - Holy shit that was a bad landing...looked like Angle was going for a top rope hurracarana, but Jarrett thought it was supposed to be a powerbomb...Kurt landed right on his head
112:15 - Phew, he's ok...top rope Angle slam :)
113:58 - Top of cage moonsault...wasn't even close
117:28 - Screwjob. Piece of shit...there were 2 matches on the whole card that looked any good, and this one was ruined. And it means the Angle Jarrett feud will continue.
123:51 - The title match isn't even the main event.
125:14 - Actually, I don't give a shit about this match, fast forwarding to the screwjob
138:04 - Sting retains, no thanks to a bullshit ending
144:36 - Don't give a fuck about Lethal Lockdown either, fastforwarding to the screwjob again
168:24 - AJ's back Fortune won, their name now makes no sense because there's 5 of them

That was shit. I might actually not even bother watching the PPVs. The last 3 matches were all screwjobs. WWE is so much better it's not even funny any more.

That Clown from Outta Town - Smackdown, April 15th

I don't even like Smackdown, but it's gotta be better than iMPACT, right?

LET'S DO THIS

0:29 - Ricardo Rodriguez is a fucking weird looking dude...like a frog with a toupe
1:52 - Cole's on Smackdown too??
5:36 - Teddy Long's still in it?
7:04 - 20-man battle royale to face Del Rio for the vacant title...battle royales suck
9:51 - Kofi Kingston vs a brick wall
17:49 - Cody Rhodes...his gimmick is fucking awesome
21:23 - Kong teaser again...still fucking awesome
22:23 - Drew McIntyre...his music is terrible...possibly the worst music in pro wrestling today...worse even that the old MCMG music...
32:46 - That was actually pretty good. I always thought McIntyre was a bit bland and boring, but he was good in that one.
35:34 - Edge coming out to surrender the belt...it does all seem sudden as fuck
50:14 - Divas
61:12 - 40 mins left and already going to the Battle Royale?
64:37 - Christian or Cody to win
67:28 - Christian to win
69:54 - Mysterio pretending to be a turnbuckle...best camouflage ever
75:06 - FINAL 2 COME THE FUCK ON CHRISTIAN
78:22 - FUCK YEAH CHRISTIAN GETS A FUCKING TITLE SHOT bet he'll win it too cos of Edge
81:37 - One last 5 second pose :)
82:01 - And the entire locker room comes out to applaud edge

That was an awesome Smackdown...better than RAW, even. Although, the whole Edge thing probably had a lot to do with it.

I'm struggling to remember why I used to prefer TNA to WWE...

That Clown from Outta Town - 3 FUCKING iMPACTs

I’ve finished watching Derren now, so it’s time to catch up with iMPACT…3 iMPACTs in a row…fuck.

LETS DO THIS

01:26 - Starting with an Anderson promo…again
05:33 - Sting interrupting one of the dumbest starts to an iMPACT…possibly ever
06:35 - FUCK YEAH I FUCKING LOVE BRAWLING
07:11 - But wait, there’s more! Here comes RVD!
08:10 - Here come Hogan and Bisch…WHO WOULD HAVE GUESSED THEY’D GET INVOLVED
09:50 - Guaranteed screw job for the main event…great fucking news, eh?
12:44 - Shannon v Steiner…FUCK HIM UP SCOTTY…LITERALLY RIP HIS FACE OFF
14:09 - TNA…Total Nonstop Promos
15:50 - Jarrett trying to get out of his Angle match like a fucking baby
16:23 - Eric Young and OJ on guest commentary…I’d rather they got a match tbh
18:37 - I wish they’d commentate the match instead of making gay innuendos
20:43 - I haven’t bothered mentioning this before because it’s so fucking obvious, but Shannon and Jesse are going to split up and feud because of Shannon’s ‘disrespect’.
22:14 - FRANKENSTEINER…not the greatest match, but the FRANKENSTEINER made up for it
23:21 - What the fuck is OJ wearing…I thought he’d toned down his gimmick a little, but that’s just…fucking weird
23:31 - Magnus and Williams are back together…does this mean Wolfe is getting a solo push? Probably not, he’d only show up the main eventers
24:33 - Anderson is a terrible comedian.
25:24 - This ‘The Jarretts’ soap opera they shoehorn into iMPACT is terrible
26:36 - Gen Me are gonna feud…THIS SHOULD BE FUCKING AWESOME
27:41 - Straight into a match…no buildup, no feud, no reason to care. FFS TNA
28:30 - Fucking nice so far
30:49 - This is awesome…this is old TNA…please put these guys in a cage at Lockdown
31:26 - Max wins with some kind of Diamond Dust variant…that was brilliant, the best iMPACT match in months…maybe the best TNA match
32:41 - Angelina and Winter in a hypnotism angle…in fucking 2011.
35:04 - Velvet v Winter…I’m actually gonna check this one out
40:08 - Actually a fairly decent match…the hypnotism thing is fucking stupid though
40:41 - ANOTHER FUCKING ANDERSON PROMO WTF TNA
41:38 - I wonder if the wrestlers in TNA watch WWE…do they know just how bad this show is compared to the competition?
42:55 - They have to be trolling. There is no fucking way anyone could think this would make for a decent show. There’s just no way.
44:41 - Total Nonstop Anderson
45:49 - Immortal have come out to batter Anderson and Sting…RVD’s gonna come out and make the save, guaran-fucking-teed
46:31 - I FUCKING TOLD YOU
48:25 - The Jarretts again…terrible
53:30 - Angle time :D I think he’s fighting Rob ‘Steroid Monster’ Terry
57:03 - Angle destroyed him in like 2-3 minutes…the only 3 minute match that actually makes sense
1:00:14 - Up next…a fucking screwjob…er, I mean, the main event!
1:00:53 - Main event with 25 minutes left? This is gonna be as stupid as last week, I can feel it in my bones
1:03:50 - The bullshit started before the match did
1:06:58 - Hogan’s coming out…because the match wasn’t fucked enough already
1:16:30 - DANIELS IS BACK FUCK YEAH
1:16:40 - And takes out all of Immortal from the top of the cage
1:22:04 - These post-main event reactions are a terrible idea…the point is to have a fucking cliffhanger…if you carry on from the cliffhanger it’s not a fucking cliffhanger

That was terrible. Gen Me put on an awesome match, the Knockouts match was pretty decent, everything else was fucking awful.

WHERE WAS JOE?

Ok, next one.

01:39 - Here comes Daniels :) He appears to be the leader of Fortune now, after being back 5 minutes...
09:29 - The Network can hire wrestlers now??
13:12 - Well, that was a waste of 13 minutes...that's about 3 matches on TNA
15:38 - Hernandez & Mex Pac on their way to the ring
16:52 - Dreamer & Devon are now a tag team, apparently
19:12 - That was roughly 2 minutes...what the fuck was the point?
21:48 - FUUUUUUUUUUCKKKKK YEAHHHHHHH SAMOA JOE
22:13 - Joe v Murphy? if Murphy wins, I'm gonna be pissed. Even if it's a screwjob
23:49 - That was less than a minute, I'm sure...I'm gonna go back and time it
23:52 - 49 seconds bell-to-bell. 49 seconds of Joe in 2 weeks is not enough
26:10 - Knockouts...looks like the hypnotism angle is still going on
29:09 - What is with all the short matches this week...3 matches, lasting roughly 5 minutes total...in the meantime, a promo got 13 minutes
35:07 - This is all Anderson...boring as fuck
47:59 - Six man X-division tag match...I didn't realise they still had the X-Division
53:59 - This is boring as fuck...lame show
57:53 - Daniels v Ray lumberjack match...I don't give a fuck about it
69:20 - Terrible Jarrett promo that makes no fucking sense whatsoever
71:15 - Angle just flew into the ring on a zipline, like an angry Batman...that was fucking awesome
72:49 - The main event will be nowhere near as good as the zipline
77:10 - Main event starting, less than 7 minutes left...including the obligatory post match bullshit/interviews
82:52 - Oh for fucks sake, Anderson in Immortal
84:03 - And he's out...

Boring as fuck. Only good bit was the zipline.

One more, and then I can rest...

01:59 - Starting with Immortal...FFS
06:39 - Fuck this is awful
07:52 - What in the fuck is a mammajamma
17:06 - Not the greatest 4-way I've ever seen...the in-ring action took second place to all the storyline bullshit on the outside
19:06 - Matt v Kaz...not hugely optimistic about this to be honest
26:51 - Decent length match...that's all it had going for it.
34:26 - FUCK YEAH SAMOA JOE FUCK EM UP JOE EAT THEIR FUCKING HEARTS
41:44 - Joe loses by screwjob...fucking TNA. Maybe I'll switch to Smackdown instead
43:31 - I'm so fucking sick of the Immortal music
50:30 - I'm pretty sure TNA are pumping in crowd sound effects...I can hear boos, but the crowd all look like this (click to enlarge):













Which is exactly how I feel watching it.
52:21 - WHAT THE FUCK DID THEY DO TO ABYSS' MUSIC FFS TNA THAT IS TERRIBLE AND THE OLD MUSIC WAS FUCKING BRILLIANT
58:29 - I've been watching the crowd and listening for a while, and I'm pretty sure they're pumping in crowd music...this'll probably be my last iMPACT just because of that. I'll still check out the PPV's, but I'll give Smackdown a try now...
61:15 - "...as of lately..."
61:47 - The hypnotism angle is terrible...why are they doing this in 2011? It would fit just fine in the late 80's early 90's...here, it just looks fucking stupid
66:12 - Fucking Anderson again

That was terrible.

Fuck.

That Clown from Outta Town - WRESTLEMANIA, MOTHERFUCKER

Mania time - can't wait :)

I've noticed that some people have uploaded just the Taker v HHH match to the download sites - I'm guessing that means it's either fucking brilliant, or someone dies.

LET'S DO THIS

0:37 - The arena is huge
0:56 - Singing, fast forwarding
6:17 - I really need to go to a Wrestlemania before I die
17:33 - Finally, a match :) Kinda weird they're starting with the world championship
23:43 - Almost 25 minutes until first bell...
34:59 - Not a bad match...started kinda slowly, but picked up toward the end. Del Rio pulled a fucking amazing move...Edge was on the top turnbuckle, Del Rio jumped up to the top rope and from there did a spin kick right to Edge's head...looked brutal. Never seen anyone do that before.
37:24 - Edge elbow dropping a car...
43:22 - Cody Rhodes' gimmick is pretty fucking weird...
43:55 - Rey dressed as Captain America...his Mania outfits are always pretty cool, his Joker one was ace
57:27 - Great match, they should have opened with that...Cody Rhodes is a lot better than I remember him, I used to think he was pretty generic but he was very solid here
60:10 - Regal is a better rapper than Cena
60:37 - RODDY FUCKING PIPER
67:54 - The 8-man tag was pretty ridiculous...it was about 3 or 4 minutes long...not quite sure what happened there
72:15 - Rock and Stone Cold face to face :D
73:19 - Punk v Orton time :D
85:08 - Punk just kicked Orton in the head, when the other foot was on the ground, and Orton was behind him...how in the fuck is that even possible
87:10 - Top rope superplex from Orton...perfect execution
94:34 - Holy shit, Punk went for a cross body from the top rope, Orton caught him in midair and pulled off an RKO...perfect execution again
95:17 - Really good match, Orton selling his 'injured' leg and Punk capitalising it...almost old school ring psychology

Part 2 (AKA I reset the counter :/ )

6:49 - Cole v Lawler time :)
7:49 - JR's coming to commentate :D Fuck yeah...good to have him back
30:09 - Pretty entertaining match.
36:26 - Cole & JR on commentary together again...fucking awesome
39:41 - Taker v HHH :)
43:49 - Taker coming out to For Whom the Bell Tolls :) Fucking awesome
44:55 - My bad, it's HHH :) Kinda Taker-ish with the lights going out and the lightning and all though
56:26 - The commentary is fucking sublime...it's so good to hear great commentary again, both TNA and WWE are garbage at the moment...TNA more so
82:47 - Fucking hell...that was amazing. They couldn't have done it with anyone but JR calling it, but still...what a fucking match.
92:23 - Vickie Guererro...what an awful way to follow that match

PART 3 (AKA fucking counter >:( )

1:14 - Fucking hell, Starship Pain to the outside...
1:50 - Snooki was actually pretty impressive...celeb appearances are usually just embarrassing
8:05 - Miz v Cena already? What happened to Danielson v Sheamus? I was really looking forward to that match :(
9:47 - Since when did the champion come out before the challenger?
15:00 - Cena's in his new red shirt...the way he always does that reminds me of Wall-E
17:47 - Cena's intro made even Taker's look fast
27:35 - The main event is the least interesting match so far
29:22 - Ref bump :(
32:36 - Double count-out...what a horrible end to an otherwise great Wrestlemania
33:36 - The Rock :) Let's see if he can salvage the last 10 minutes
36:54 - Rock restarted the match
37:12 - Rock Bottom on Cena :D
37:37 - Miz wins thanks to Rock...kinda dumb, why bother restarting the match when Cena wasn't gonna end up with the belt anyway? Still, sweet Rock Bottom so not complaining too much
40:00 - And People's Elbowing Miz after the match

Great show, the ending was miserable though. I could have stopped watching after the Taker v HHH match and I wouldn't have missed anything.

That Clown from Outta Town - iMPACT, March 18

Before I get into iMPACT, I'd just like to point out that, as predicted, Victory Road got its own Botchamania:




I'm really only watching to see the fallout of the Jeff Hardy incident at the PPV, I don't really care about anything else. It's bad news for a wrestling company when fans care more about backstage shenanigans than the actual product, but TNA doesn't seem to be focusing on being a decent wrestling company so I doubt anyone there cares.

LET'S DO THIS

00:11 - Here comes Sting
01:14 - New belt :) Looks much better
6:04 - Hogan is saying Hardy's drug problems are because he wasn't good enough to live in Hogan's shadow? What in the fuck is he talking about?
08:09 - Bubba's coming to the ring? If they put Bubba in Jeff's spot, it'll be fucking hilarious
11:45 - Fortune also coming to the ring - I wish they'd have their meetings before the show starts, this is boring.
12:11 - This promo is now in its second quater hour...for fucks sake, TNA stands for Total Nonstop Action, WHERE IS THE FUCKING ACTION
14:48 - Oh FFS, here comes fucking Anderson
16:06 - Every week it's the same shit...change the fucking record
18:29 - Anderson v RVD v Bubba v AJ for the number 1 contenders spot as the main event...Sadly, no way is AJ winning :(
20:19 - Knockouts open challenge time
20:35 - Alyssa Flash :)
21:12 - That was fucking stupid, over in less than a minute...don't fucking bother having a match if you're not going to have a match
21:59 - "I've watched you week after week" (it's been 2 weeks plus whatever the hell that shit just now was)
23:30 - Mickie v Madison in a belt vs hair match at the PPV...The promo was longer than the match (and shit)
24:02 - What in the name of fuck is that thing Pope is talking to? Fucking hell...presumably it's human, but it looks like a sofa with limbs
24:54 - Anderson again, doing the same promo again, on the same subject again. He is so fucking boring.
26:31 - The promo hasn't started yet and it's already fucking terrible. I hope Joe puts Pope through the wheelchair, otherwise this is just a waste of time
29:27 - What the fuck is this shit
30:26 - Congrats TNA, you've reached a new low. Quite an achievement for you guys.
31:21 - JOE JOE JOE JOE JOE
32:13 - Pope pulled a knife on Joe's sidekick...I hope Joe gets that fuck off machete he used to run around with a couple of years ago
33:55 - Pope has turned the backstage area into some kind of S&M dungeon...TNA's sent a camera crew, but no security. I mean, he's only kidnapped and tied up a TNA wrestler, and is in the process of torturing him in TNA's own arena...that's not something that the company needs to concern itself with, right?
35:54 - TNA just literally and unironically aired a 3-minute torture scene
39:58 - Seriously, we're 40 mins in and there's been less than a minute of wrestling so far...and they're starting another bullshit promo...Jarrett shit again...this is supposed to be a wrestling show ffs
42:05 - Jarrett: "I want to stop the misery, tonight" - THEN FUCKING RETIRE YOU PRICK
43:37 - I can't believe Jarrett's wearing a 'total nonstop action' shirt to do a promo...what a fucking idiot
45:32 - Angle just brained Jarrett with a guitar...first decent thing to happen all night
45:49 - Fucking hell, Jarrett's cut pretty bad where Kurt hit him
46:09 - I'm semi convinced that Angle switched the stunt guitar for a real one full of razors...I'd love this to be a shoot
47:31 - Bischoff briefs the job squad
48:44 - Mixed six-person streetfight...Morgan and Beautiful people vs Hernandez, Sarita and...er...the other one. What a terrible, terrible idea for a match. Who sat down, looked at the roster, and decided that the best use of limited airtime was this shit? WHO THE FUCK WOULD EVER THINK THIS IS A GOOD IDEA?
49:59 - There's going to be a 3-way match with Rob Terry, Gunner, and Murphy for the TV title...another terrible match...it's like they're actually trying to drive away their fans
52:47 - Cops show up for Angle
54:14 - Shit match, Gunner won...which means I now actually know which one is Gunner and which is Murphy.
55:15 - Terrible promo by AJ
55:46 - Flair just got knocked the fuck out by AJ
56:58 - Time for the tag match from hell
58:00 - Christ, they gave Hernandez the mic again...
1:00:52 - That was terrible...and like 2 minutes long. Highlight was a spinning backbreaker thingie by Winter...not seen it before, it's an awesome move.
1:01:41 - Hernandez's new buddy reminds me of a Mexican X-Pac
1:03:41 - Main event time with over 20 mins of the show left? There must be a bullshit ending or something, otherwise this will be the first decent-length match TNA have put on iMPACT for months
1:12:38 - Oh for fucks sake. That was actually a really good match, but then Anderson and RVD both got laid out in the ring, while Bubba and AJ were outside. The ref counted 3 DESPITE NOBODY MAKING A FUCKING PIN, then went for the mic to announce the winner but Bubba knocked him out. Fucking TNA.
1:15 :08 - Bubba just powerbombed AJ off the stage through two tables...that was pretty cool
1:16:50 - There were several crash mats under the tables, on the replay you can see them very clearly...suddenly a much less impressive move
1:17:49 - John Cena got a bunch of homophobia complaints for telling The Rock 'your mountain is Brokeback'...I wonder how many Bubba will get for screaming "I'll bust your ass, you fag"?
1:18:29 - All this shit with putting AJ in a neckbrace and on a stretcher is bollocks...YOU SHOWED THE REPLAY OF THE FUCKING CRASH MATS LIKE 3 TIMES YOU FUCKING IDIOTS...AND IF IT WAS REAL YOU'D FUCKING CUT AWAY TO BACKSTAGE

That was fucking terrible...Until the main event there were maybe 5-10 decent seconds (Angle's guitar shot, Winter's finisher, AJ knocking Flair out cold), then the match was decent and way above TNA's usual standards, but then they decided to have a bullshit ending to the match, AND a bullshit fake injury to AJ. Fuck TNA, seriously...this is so much worse than WWE it's hard to believe they're in the same genre...let alone the fact that TNA is the number two English speaking wrestling company in the world.

After the shambles of a PPV, they really should have made this a great iMPACT, but it was possibly one of the worst episodes I've ever seen. Just, absolutely terrible.

That Clown from Outta Town - RAW March 14th

Time to get my RAW on :)


0:54 - Straight into The Rock :D
2:40 - Kid raps better than the real Cena
5:21 - Rock spitting on a Cena shirt...made me laugh anyway
9:24 - Fucking random Rock promo...although, if they're starting with his promo instead of building up to it, he's probably there in person and ready to batter someone
10:09 - Michael Cole in a box...as you do
16:47 - Miz is actually a lot better than I remember him on the mic
18:51 - Cena v Del Rio should be interesting, I've never seen Del Rio wrestle...Miz v Khali sounds terrible
21:56 - Shockingly bad 'match', ended after a minute due to interference and then Miz hit Khali with a chair so many times the chair actually broke
23:03 - Khali is bleeding from the back where that broken chair hit him
23:34 - That box is fucking hilarious
27:19 - Ugh, Jersey shore...fastforwarding
28:43 - Sheamus v Danielson :)
35:51 - Really awesome match
36:45 - Fucking hell, what a finisher...Bryan came off the top rope to do a move, and Sheamus did a big boot and just kicked him out of the air...fucking awesome.
37:25 - That match was better than anything at Victory Road...hell, it was better than everything at Victory Road
39:03 - Cole's going to bring out 'someone from King's past' to humiliate him - I hope it's Andy Kaufmann, and he really did fake his own death
40:35 - Sweet, it's Brian Christopher :)
41:23 - Best entrance ever...I'm gonna watch it again
42:27 - He looks so different, I'm really not sure it's him...I'm guessing King would say something if it wasn't, but he's aged terribly
46:40 - Well, that was fucking awkward
47:02 - FUCKING JR FUCK YEAH
52:44 - JR getting battered by Swagger
54:39 - Fucking hell, that was...I don't even know how to describe it...Cole is actually an awesome heel, almost a shame he's a weaselly little runt who'll never make it as a wrestler
57:14 - Randy Orton vs what appears to be some kind of tank/human hybrid
61:02 - The RKO is really starting to annoy me...he just pulls it out of nowhere and gets the win...as a signature move like the Pele kick it'd be ok, but as a finisher I don't like it
67:59 - Cole on the mic again
74:11 - Trish is wrestling, but Jersey Shore bollocks at ringside...WHAT DO I DO
75:05 - Trish has aged much better than Grand Master Sexay...
76:59 - Morrison v Ziggler could be an awesome feud
77:29 - Vicky Guererro beat Trish Stratus...fuck you RAW
85:27 - Cena v Del Rio
87:05 - I think Brodus Clay might actually be an ork
90:15 - THE ROCK IS HERE
90:30 - Come on Rocky, show yourself god dammit
96:39 - It's not so much The Rock, as Miz in a baldie wig
100:42 - That's quite a comprehensive beatdown by Miz...he's actually a pretty decent heel nowadays

Yeah, good stuff.

RAW really highlights how bad iMPACT is nowadays...which is a shame as I'm gonna have to watch iMPACT this week to see the fallout from the Jeff Hardy incident at the PPV :/

That Clown from Outta Town - Victory Road 2011

I wasn't going to watch this, but the internet is going nuts about the main event...apparently Hardy was off his mash and Sting refused to wrestle him, so it was over in less than 90 seconds. I'm kinda intrigued to see it, so I'm watching.

LET'S DO THIS

03:11 - After watching a couple of episodes of RAW, TNA's pyros look fucking pathetic
03:45 - Wow, straight to wrestling...nice :) Bubba v Dreamer, this will be nowhere near as hardcore as it should be
04:27 - Bubba's grabbing the mic :D
11:21 - Pretty shit so far - I'd much rather see Team 3D v pretty much anybody than this...why did they ever get split up?
13:26 - The match involves an inflatable sex toy...it's pretty much irredeemable at this stage, unless 3D reform and this whole angle was an elaborate and pointless scheme to beat the shit out of Dreamer
14:50 - I was actually disappointed when Bubba kicked out, because it means this shit is going to go on for a couple more minutes
16:18 - WHAT THE FUCK HOW DO YOU BREAK A PIN BECAUSE OF A ROPE BREAK IN A FUCKING FALLS COUNT ANYWHERE MATCH FFS TNA
17:05 - Bubba doing a promo in the middle of the match while Tommy lies helpless...Bubba wins a moral victory regardless of the outcome
18:19 - Devon came and gave Tommy the win...but who really gives a fuck? Not this guy.
19:33 - "Jeff is going to come into this thing prepared..." No, Taz. No he isn't.
20:27 - Winter is awful on the mic
21:00 - Knockouts, fast forwarding
31:06 - Yay, the Jarretts, just who I wanted to see
32:42 - Why is Morgan talking? He should be like oldschool Kane/Abyss...beat the shit out of people and SHUT THE FUCK UP
35:35 - Seriously now, I'd much rather see 3D v LAX than Bubba v Dreamer & Devon and Hernandez v Morgan...one good match is much better than two shit matches
39:08 - "How vicious is this??" It's not even slightly vicious, get a fucking grip
40:48 - Hernandez hits Morgan's head on the turnbuckle. Morgan goes 'again'. Hernandez does it again. The turnbuckle cover comes off. Hernandez goes 'it's off'. That'll make it to Botchamania (as will the entire main event no doubt)
41:40 - Someone threw a bottle and hit Morgan in the head...luckily it was plastic and empty
43:31 - A fake fan run-in..that's kinda dumb because it's obviously fake and it'll only encourage fucking idiots to actually try it
44:08 - Hernandez clearly blading right in front of the camera...yeah just stay on that closeup, don't try and hide it or anything
44:52 - Hernandez sprayed fake blood onto Morgan...if he gets the win because of this, TNA are shite
45:11 - TNA are shite
46:00 - THERE'S A FUCKING FAKE BLOOD BOTTLE ON THE FUCKING MAT HOW IS THAT DECISION FUCKING STANDING FFS TNA
47:28 - Gen Me v Kaz :D (with, sadly, Robbie E getting in the way)
56:46 - I wonder if Robbie E has a single actual fan in the whole world
58:19 - I can't believe this is the X-Division
59:29 - Fucking awesome moonsault to the outside by Jeremy Buck
01:02:41 - I have no idea what that move was, but it was fucking awesome...some kind of flipping moonsault into a stunner...
01:05:48 - Flux Capacitor from Kaz :) I think that, Douggie's Chaos Theory and Petey Williams' Canadian Destroyer are probably my 3 favourite X-division moves. Oh wait, also the Lethal Combination.
01:09:20 - Kaz wins...probably the best match so far, but considering it was Ultimate X I've seen better. Some fucking crazy moves though
01:11:29 - Jarrets again...I don't understand who TNA think they're entertaining
01:16:59 - Ink Inc v Beer Money - this should be match of the night
01:33:25 - Bit of a weird ending, but a decent enough match...a bit too much Moore for my liking, but that's small compared to TNA's usual bollocks
01:35:25 - Matt v AJ up next. I have to admit, Matt's new car looks pretty cool.
01:36:41 - I wonder if Matt was on whatever Jeff took, or if he's genuinely that shit on the mic
01:39:15 - Matt Hardy's a badass - he's wrestling in JEANS, like a boss. JEANS with SEQUINS, motherfucker.
01:56:42 - Not a bad match, went on for too long though, had way too much Matt Hardy, who fucked up a lot...that finisher by AJ was fucking awesome though
01:58:21 - Seriously Flair, how do you fuck up a simple eye-poke?
01:59:10 - More fucking Jarrett
2:00:44 - I really don't get the point of these Jarrett promos...they're not entertaining and they're nothing to do with wrestling...put that shit on Youtube or something
2:01:59 - Anderson's promo is awful...it's just the same old shit...and he's whining. Who likes a whiny wrestler?
2:05:05 - Quick note to RVD - there's a difference between 'making it look effortless', and 'it actually is effortless because you get given it on a plate by Eric Bischoff'...
2:06:49 - Anderson fumbled the mic and hit himself in the face with it...this PPV will be a Botchamania special at this rate
2:09:10 - Christ, the first 20 seconds or so looked amateurish
2:10:23 - There's something worrying about a room full of fat nerds chanting "We love asshole"
2:10:59 - Anderson reversing a leapfrog by accidentally headbutting RVD in the sphincter...fucking hell this is bad
2:13:01 - The fans are barely reacting to anything...you get a smattering of applause for the rolling thunder or a suicide dive, but the crowd do not seem to give a single fuck about this match
2:18:39 - I don't get these fans...they're not reacting to anything that happens in the match, but they're all taking part in the chanting...if you don't give enough of a fuck to cheer, how can you give enough of a fuck to chant?
2:20:55 - Anderson does his finisher on the steel entrance ramp, and all the crowd does is a half-hearted 'Oooh'?
2:21:33 - Double countout? FFS TNA that's pathetic
2:21:59 - That said, the match was terrible and I'm glad it's over. And the crowd were also terrible.
2:23:12 - The fans are chanting 'restart the match'...they didn't give a fuck about the match when it was happening, but when it stops they suddenly care? WTF TNA fans
2:24:47 - Grandma, what dilated pupils you have
2:32:47 - It's hard to tell how fucked up Hardy is with all that shit on his face
2:34:30 - Bischoff desperately pretending to do a promo so he can come out and tell them not to bother with the match
2:35:59 - Jesus, he's so fucked up he's taken off his T-shirt, and can't figure out how to throw it into the crowd
2:36:13 - Sting looks fucking angry
2:37:05 - Fucking hell, he was trying to kick out and his shoulders weren't even down, that's fucking hilarious
2:37:23 - The look of disapproval on Sting's face is classic

As funny as that was, it was pretty bad. TNA should never have let Hardy out there in that condition...they should have said he wasn't there because of 'travel problems', or an 'injury' or something, made the Anderson v RVD match a 3-way with Sting, and bumped one of the dark matches up to the main card. Or something. Anything is better than pissing off the fans (some of whom paid actual money to watch that), and a double countout. Not to mention publicly humiliating one of their biggest name stars.

I know I haven't liked Hardy's run in TNA, but it's really sad to see a once-great wrestler reduced to this. I hope he gets himself sorted out - although I'm sure this incident won't help his court hearing for drug trafficking one bit. He's apparently been suspended, I'm guessing it'll be permanent to be honest.

Aside from that...pretty shit PPV. Not the worst, but definitely way below average.

That Clown from Outta Town - RAW, Feb 28th & March 3rd

Ok, so this is a couple of weeks old now, but I just found out The Rock is back. That makes WWE worth watching, imo. Also, TNA has gone back to being shit, so I'm going to go back to not watching it.

LETS DO THIS

0:11 - The WWE intro still reminds me of botchamania
0:33 - HHH is back again...I am so jealous of that guy, he can come and go as he pleases and get whatever belt he wants basically on command...if my boss' daughter wasn't 8, I'd consider getting that kind of sweet deal myself
2:10 - Triple H is blatantly going to end Taker's streak...
10:57 - I really don't understand why Trip and Seamus are brawling...He just cut a 10 minute promo on Taker, now he's fighting a totally different guy? Might make more sense if I watched every week to be fair...
16:49 - Sweet, Evan Bourne :) I remember him being awesome
23:35 - Lawler v Cole, feud of the year
28:41 - Austin's back next week...Austin and Rock together again, fucking awesome
29:48 - Cole is much better as a fucking mental commentator than he ever was as a straight-up commentator
32:40 - Just watching Orton's promo...I'm not sure when it happened, but WWE is actually way better at promos than TNA now, and that includes the ones with no Bischoff
44:19 - Miz as champ...I feel like I ought to be pissed off about it, but I don't really give a fuck
51:50 - Cena commenting on Miz's mic skills? He's terrible. The Rock fucking owned him two weeks ago, and is gonna do the same tonight...
54:47 - Cena talking is actually the worst part of the show so far
60:29 - Divas battle royale...fast forwarding
64:44 - Does Cena actually think he's rapping, and not just reciting bad poetry?
69:19 - Fucking cracking up, Rock is awesome
75:28 - The Rock is fucking amazing...nobody wrestling today is even close to him on the mic, fucking hell
79:16 - Danielson :D
80:01 - Being owned by Miz :(
81:20 - No idea what that was all about
87:40 - Miz taking a picture of Cena was actually pretty funny
95:20 - Not the greatest main event...

Pretty good show actually...although The Rock was clearly the best bit.

Fuck it, that was so good I'm gonna watch this week's back-to-back...Bring on Austin :D

1:44 - Wow, I like Taker's new music
9:26 - Cena's going to respond to The Rock...I hope he steps his game up, his last response was just embarrassing
17:13 - Punk v Orton should be pretty decent
20:06 - Christian made it to RAW? Cool :)
26:18 - Del Rio's cross arm breaker is awesome
32:20 - Divas, fast forwarding...I heard Kong was coming to WWE, will not be fast forwarding that...
36:44 - Cole standing on the announce table and interrupting the match is hilarious
37:22 - Ok, fast forwarding again
38:39 - Cole v King...best feud since King v Kaufman
38:57 - Oh for fucks sake Jersey fucking Shore again...stop putting this shit in wrestling, seriously
43:03 - JBL is back...I heard a story that one time, he got in an argument with Joey Styles, and Styles knocked him the fuck out with a single punch...I don't know if it's true, but I choose to believe it is
48:22 - FUCK YEAH AUSTIN
55:50 - TNA doesn't even come close to this
56:42 - Looks like it's time for Cena's response...he really needs to step his game up, he's like the main guy in WWE and Rock's making him look like a complete amateur
56:58 - Nope, more Cole
58:42 - Danielson :D Hope he makes it to the ring this week
59:16 - Sheamus...I hope Danielson ruins him
60:36 - Why is he so pale? Did he get a full-body tattoo with white ink or something?
61:36 - Damn was that for real? Looked like Sheamus might have actually fucked his ankle. I wanted Danielson to win, but not like that :(
63:00 - Just put his career on the line next week, I'm gonna say his ankle's fine
63:32 - CM Punk :D
63:45 - Punk v R Truth...this could be pretty good, unless Orton goes mental or something
67:40 - Pretty short match :(
71:33 - Ugh, Vicky Guererro
72:32 - She's lost all that weight, and actually looks worse
72:49 - I really want Austin to come out here and stunner her fucking head off...or maybe just her voicebox
73:11 - Ziggler's coming to RAW :)
74:11 - John Morrison :)
77:18 - That was way too easy...
79:19 - Trish Stratus is back too? Awesome
81:07 - Josh Matthews isn't too bad as a commentator...compared to the other people they've had since JR left.
83:47 - OK, Cena time...
84:14 - I can't wait to see this promo, because I want to see how a guy responds to what happened last week...this is what wrestling is supposed to be...this is what TNA is missing. I watch TNA because I hope it's not shite for the sake of the good wrestlers there. I don't give a fuck about the storylines or the promos, I just want to see the guys I like get decent matches.
86:44 - 2 weeks ago, Cena was a bad rapper. This week, he's a bad stand-up comedian. WHEN IS HE GOING TO DO A PROMO AS A FUCKING WRESTLER FOR FUCKS SAKE
88:15 - He's gonna rap again? For fucks sake, you looked like a fucking clown the first time, doing that shit again is even worse
90:57 - Ok, the T-shirt is pretty funny
96:06 - Fucking hell, even The Miz is better than Cena on the mic...I finally realise why so many people hate him. They always say he's a shit wrestler, but he's decent - it's his mic work that's shite.

2 RAWs back to back and I can't wait till the next one...I can't think of a situation where I'd voluntarily watch 2 iMPACTs without a 'sanity break' in-between.

It's really refreshing to look forward to a wrestling show because you care about an angle and want to see what happens next. Instead of dreading watching it in case it's completely shit, as it so often is (I'm looking at you, TNA).

Mania's shaping up pretty well this year, Punk v Orton should be good, and HHH v Taker should be awesome. Not too fussed about Cena v Miz, though. Looking forward to Austin killing Michael Cole. Anyway, should be better than last year's...