Socko Awards - 2010

With 2010 now behind us, we can look back and pick our favourite moments of the year. May I introduce to you, the Socko’s – wrestling’s most coveted awards ceremony. Unlike the Slammies, the Socko’s will include such obscure categories as Match of the Year and Promo of the Year. Let’s do this.

Breakout star:
Bryan Danielson, WWE.



Runner up:
Magnus, TNA.




Stinker of the year:
Team 3D versus Nasty Boyz. TNA: Against All Odds.



Runner up:
Madison Rayne versus Tara. TNA: Sacrifice.




Best commentary:
CM Punk, WWE.



Runner up:
Jim Ross, WWE.




Move of the Year:
Douglas Williams – Chaos Theory



Runner up:
Candice LeRae – BALLPLEX!


Promo of the year:
Jay Lethal and Ric Flair, TNA Impact.



Runner up:
CM Punk during WWE Royal Rumble match.


Worst Promo:

Michael McGillicutty, NXT. "This will be the moment..."



Runner up:
Eli Cottonwood, NXT. "Moustache..."






Most overrated wrestler:
Jeff Hardy, TNA.

Runner up:
Randy Orton, WWE.


Most Underrated wrestler:
Robert Roode, TNA.

Runner up:
Kaval, WWE.


Best Heel:
CM Punk, WWE.



Runner up:
Jeff Jarrett, TNA.


Best Babyface:
Kurt Angle, TNA



Runner up:
Rey Mysterio, WWE.


Rivalry of the Year:
Motor City Machine Guns versus Beer Money, TNA



Runner up:
El Generico versus Kevin Steen, ROH.


Worst rivalry:
Immortals versus Dixie Carter



Runner up:
Kane versus Edge.




Worst Angle:
“They”, TNA.



Runner up:
Cena being “fired”, WWE.


Pay-per-view of the year:
Kurt Russell Mania, PWG

Runner up:
Royal Rumble, WWE.


Hottest lady
Becky Bayless





Runner up:
Christy Hemme






Women’s match
Daizee Haze versus Jamilia Craft. ROH (July).



Runner up:
Tara versus Mickey James (Steel Cage match). TNA Impact (Dec)




Best Stable
Foutune, TNA

Runner up:
Straight Edge Society, WWE


Worst Stable
The Embassy, ROH

Runner up:
Legacy, WWE.


Best Tag Team
Motor City Machine Guns

Runner up:
Beer Money


Worst Tag Team:
Matt Morgan, TNA

Runner up:
John Cena and David Otunga


Moment of the year:
Nexus debut, WWE.



Runner up:
Hulk Hogan gets his hall of fame ring shoved down his throat.


Retarded moment of the year:
Jeff Hardy turning heel

Runner up:
Edge killing Paul Bearer


Worst gimmick
Abyssamania

Runner up:
LayCool


Match of the year:
Undertaker versus Shawn Michaels (Career versus Streak). WWE Wrestlemania 26.



Runner up:
Beer Money versus Motor City Machine Guns (best 2/3 falls). TNA Impact (August)

Other notable mentions:
Douglas Williams versus AJ Styles (Iron Man match) – TNA Impact (December)
Tyler Black versus Roderick Strong. ROH Supercard of Honor.
Kurt Angle versus AJ Styles – TNA Impact (January).
Danielson versus Dolph Ziggler – WWE Bragging Rights.
Douglas Williams versus Kazarian – TNA Destination X.
Brian Kendrick and Paul London versus the Young Bucks. PWG Kurt Russell Mania.
Bryan Danielson versus Low-Ki. FCW.
El Generico versus Roderick Stong - ROH Pick Your Poison.
Daizee Haze versus Hamada – Shimmer 30
Kurt Angle versus Mr Anderson (cage match) – TNA


Worst Wrestler of the year:
Rob Terry, TNA.



Runner up:
Drew McIntyre, WWE.


Wrestler of the Year:
Douglas Williams

Review: WWE Night of Champions

It’s WWE Night of Champions where all 7 titles are up for grabs. I’ve not been following Smackdown, but for the Raw titles, I wanted Danielson to make the Miz tap like a baby and I wanted Wade Barrett to take home the gold.

Let’s do this.

Match one: Intercontinental Championship. Dolph Ziggler versus Kofi Kingstone

As you’d expect this was a solid match, they went through each other’s move set. There was no shenanigans, it was pretty much a clean win with Ziggler getting the Zig Zag. Every time I see Ziggler, he looks more and more like Jeff Jarrett, I keep expecting him to come down to the ring with guitar in hand.
Match rating: ***

Match two: Big Show versus CM Punk

I’m a big fan of CM Punk; the guy is awesome on the mic and amazing in the ring. It has to be said that I’m not a big enough fan to watch Smackdown though. Bring him over to Raw so he can feud with Cena or something. Anyway, this was the second match of Night of Champions, but for some reason it wasn’t a title match. Very bizarre. Before the match Punk came down to the ring and got a real hometown pop from the crowd. Punk did an “I love Chicago” bit then started laying into its residents – this was brilliant.
Luckily this was a pretty short match, it was also pretty dull. Big Show did his usual ‘giant’ thing and tackled Punk to give him his ‘Big Right Hand’. I always thought that a closed fist was grounds for a DQ in wrestling, but I suppose if it has a name then that’s okay... hmm...
Match rating: **

Match three: US title. Bryan Danielson versus the Miz

This match was great. Perfect length, fast-paced, some great submissions, great drama. Miz lost by tapping out and cried like a bitch at the end. I can’t emphasise how much I enjoyed this match and was genuinely happy to see Danielson get the title after all the bullshit of Chokegate (it’s a controversy, you have to put gate at the end, so shut the fuck up). I’m sure this will make it into my top ten matches of the year.
Match rating: ****½

Between the matches there was a great promo by Cena where he seemed to be taking the piss out of all the percentage talk you get on these kind of matches. Just watch it on YouTube if you’ve not seen it.

Match four: Divas... Lumberjills?

Match five: World Heavyweight Championship. Undertaker versus Kane.

This match went on for nearly 20 minutes and bored the hell out of me. Two big, slow guys (one who can barely walk these days); trying to recapture something that had gotten old over a decade ago. Pointless match, which was really painful to watch. I felt really sorry for Taker watching this; he’s just past it now and he’s clearly hurting. They both worked really hard, but it just didn’t feel good.
Kane retained the title, woo.
Match rating: *½

Match six: Tag titles: tag team turmoil.

This was basically a gauntlet match between pretty much all of the tag teams, including, erm, Mark Henry and Evan Bourne. This match was a waste of time, it was dull as hell.
Match rating: *

Match seven: Six pack challenge.

This was a mixed bag. Going into this match I thought that Wade Barrett would be next champion. Even though Randy Orton had been given a massive babyface push over the past few months, I thought him winning would be far too obvious... it was. This being said, there were some surprises: Jericho got eliminated with about a minute, Barrett eliminated Cena, Cena went mental on the Nexus guys with a steel chair. But, unsurprisingly, Orton got the win with the, you guessed it, the RKO. Eugh, I really can’t stand the “if he hits that move, it’s all over” approach, and I really don’t get what people see in Orton.
So with Orton the new champ, I was waiting for the Miz to cash in the Money in the Bank case... didn’t happen. I’m sure it will happen at Hell in a Cell when Orton/Sheamus will no doubt have a rematch... but Miz will lose.
Match rating: ***

Overall this was a solid PPV, there were a few surprises, but nothing major. The Miz and Danielson match was by far the highlight.

PPV rating: ***½

Review: WWE Summerslam 2010

Coming into Summerslam, there weren’t really any matches which I was particularly excited about seeing. I was interested to see how the Nexsus angle would pan out during this one, but wasn’t particularly excited about seeing Bret Hart in the ring again. Let’s get to it.

The first match was Kofi Kingston versus Dolph Ziggler for the Intercontinental title. The match wasn’t bad, Kofi and Dolph work pretty well together. We had a Suicide Dive from Kofi straight into the guard rail as Ziggle was pulled out of the way by Vicky Guerrero. Kofi hit a shockingly bad Thesz Press, and did some pretty lame spots. Just as Ziggler got Kofi into a sleeper hold, Nexus ran in and the match was over. With Ziggler making a sharp exit, Kofi was left to receive a beat down from the Nexus. Barrett cut a promo over the squirming Kofi, suggesting that this was just a taste of what’s to come.

Rating: **

After the Divas match was the Big Show versus the Straight Edge Society. This match was pretty lame. Show came out and removed the tape from his hands, thus invalidating the injury angle (this guy must heal incredibly fast – scientists should do some research on him). There were some pretty cool spots in the match, there was a double Bulldog on Show at one point (which was described as a double DDT by Michael Cole – it clearly wasn’t a DDT). Punk makes a hasty retreat which allows Show to Choke Slam Mercury onto Gallows for a clean win.

Rating: *½

After a pretty decent promo by the Miz, we have the match between Randy Orton and Sheamus for the WWE Championship. I don’t know why, but I really can’t stand Randy Orton. There are much better in-ring technicians than he, and much better people on the mic... but anyway, the match wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t memorable by any stretch of the imagination. The story of this match was that Sheamus was working on Orton’s right shoulder. There seemed to be a lot of basic moves which were given new names (such as the Celtic Hammer, which is actually just a double Axe Handle), which seemed kind of pointless to me. There was a bit of a confusing spot where Sheamus (apparently) reversed an RKO, even though it looked as though Orton hit it. After getting the Irish Curse (AKA the Celtic Cross, AKA the High Cross, AKA The Razor’s Edge) for the two count; Sheamus picked up a chair and accidently bumped the ref. The ref then called for a DQ and therefore Sheamus keeps the title. With the stipulation that if Orton lost he would be sent to the back of the queue, we have a technical win on Orton’s part, but he doesn’t get the title (yet, no doubt).

Rating: **½

Next up was the World Heavyweight Championship with heavyweight Rey Mysterio versus Kane (why Kane is still holding the strap I’ll never know). I wasn’t feeling this one, and I don’t think that the crowd were either. Kane came down to the ring with a casket even though it wasn’t a casket match. The commentary for this match was piss poor. Striker at one point noted that Rey Mysterio’s “Luche Libreness” had come into play, he also noted that the crowd was so subdued because of the gravity of this match, hmm. Kane got the clean win with a Chokeslam and after the count did a few more Chokeslams and a Tombstone. Kane then the opened the casket to reveal... The Undertaker. Wow, nobody saw that one coming, right? Kane put Taker in a Chokeslam and made him look very weak... but he has been in a vegetative state, right? So, wow, we’re going to have another fucking feud between Kane and Undertaker... for the love of God...

Rating: *½

And onto the main event: Nexus versus Team WWE. I didn’t have high hopes for this one, but I’ve got to admit that it was excellently done. John Cena came out with his new colour scheme (shit, that means my orange Cena t-shirt is now out of date, we’ll have to buy the new ones). With Miz bragging that he was the final member of Team WWE, it was up to Cena to reveal who it was: Bryan Danielson. I did not see this coming, I said only a few days ago that “I think that the Bryan Danielson thing could be good if they bring him back as a babyface” – it seems that that’s what WWE have done; though it seems that WWE have kept Danielson’s ‘slave name’. There were some great spots throughout this one, Danielson dominated from the off getting Darren Young to tap to a Crossface variation in less than a minute. There were chants for we want Bret, which struck me as a bit odd: what the fuck is Bret Hart going to do? This guy’s hurting, he’s had a stroke and it’s just a bit sad to see him make a tit of himself the way he did a few months back at Wrestlemania. Luckily, Bret didn’t look too bad, he probably looked better than his WCW days in all honesty, but he’s not “the best there is” anymore. When Bret came back in a few minutes later, Michael Cole said something along the lines of “Bret Hart’s had some big Summerslam moments in his career, but if Team WWE can pull this off, this will be the biggest”... Are you fucking kidding me? Is this bigger than Wembley? Don’t fucking patronise me, Cole. Bret was DQed for using a chair, and to be honest, I think this was possibly the best that Bret has been booked since his return. He didn’t take any bumps, he kind of looked cool and he was dominant throughout his slot. Jericho got in an awesome Lionsault in on this one, he was a babyface during this one, and it was great. He even brought out his line of “you are a stupid man, you are stupid man to Cena” – this was comic genius, not sure if it was meant to be, but it gets me every time. Danielson came back in and kick some more ass. The Miz came out and hit Danielson with MitB case which knocked Bryan out for the pin. Finally, we had Cena versus Justin Gabriel and Wade Barrett. Cena did his, ahem, Five Knuckle Shuffle. For those not familiar with British idioms, a Five Knuckle Shuffle is the same a wank (masturbation, taking your cock in your hand and pumping it until happy milk pops out of the little guy). Blah blah. Cena ended up getting the STF on Barrett who tapped out (remember that contrary to MMA, tapping out is the worst/most humiliating thing a person can do when one of their limbs is about to be snapped off). Against all the odds, Cena got the win and everyone was happy. “We win, we win” Striker was saying. Lovely stuff.

Rating: ****

On the whole, this was a very well-booked PPV. A few of the matches were pretty shit, but the last match made up for it. There were some surprises (some more expected than others), but most importantly they’ve got Danielson back (hopefully he’ll be jobbing ob Raw this time next week). Necause of the win, Nexus is pretty much done. It would have worked better had they made Cena tap, but hey, it's all soap opera...

Overall: ***

Review: TNA Xplosion 4th August

I’ve enjoyed TNA Xplosion over the past few weeks; there have been some pretty decent matches. Over the past few weeks we’ve seen the return of Homicide, Suicide (who has lost about 60 pounds and shrunk a few inches since he was last on Impact) and Amazing Red (back in his old ring-gear, I might add). There’s also been some matches with Generation Me and the new tag team of Wolfe and Magnus.

In the latest episode we have the first two matches for the tag-team title number one contendership. First, we have a promo with Hernandez and Rob Terroid who have been pushed together as some kind of powerhouse tag team. What I found a little odd is that Herndandez was illustrating his tag team credentials by going on about LAX, and what great chemistry they had (why the fuck are TNA not putting them back together?) In his way, Hernandez cuts a pretty decent promo, but when the mic was passed to Terroid and you had his Welsh drawl saying he would give Magnus and Wolfe the beating of their lives, you realise how green Big Rob is.

Next up we had Socko’s own promo of the week with Magnus, Wolfe and his white slave Chelsea (I wish they’d either do something with the storyline or just get rid of her.) This was pretty amusing promo and you can watch it in my previous post. My favourite part of the promo has to be Chelsea acting like she’s uncomfortable: she looks like she’s trying not to fart.

With promo number two over, we cut to another promo, this time with Ink Inc., the tag team named after countless tattoo shops throughout the world. People at TNA should do a little bit of work on licensing, idiots. Anyway, if anyone is interested in what a contradiction is , then this is the promo to watch. Shannon Moore talks about how they both think outside of the box and are individuals and unique, whist both members simultaneously adopt all the signifiers of ‘rebellion’: the Mohawk (that haircut that’s been the individual’s choice of haircut for the past 30 years, very outside of the box), tattoos and leather jackets. I bet they ride around on motorcycles and listen to rock music as well. The rebellious sods. And then, if you weren’t promo’d out enough. Gen Me give a pretty poor promo about taking out Ink Inc. Yawn.

After almost ten minutes, the first match begins. Herndandoid versus the Wankers (at least that’s what I think they should be called). On announcing Rob Terry, we hear SoCal Val botching her lines, almost announcing him as the Global Champion, haha! The match started off pretty slow with Terroid doing a few power moves on Wolfe. Wolfe is made to look like a complete tit, as he’s trying arm-based submissions with Terroid not even flinching. With Hernandez and Magnus being tagged in, the pace picks up a bit, but only a bit. The match went on like this and the Wankers won using the traditional heel cheat ending.

Next up was Ink Inc. versus Gen Me. This was pretty much as I expected it to be some very fluid moves, some innovations by Gen Me, some great double team and aerial moves. Jesse Neal is really starting to get into the groove, I never used to rate him, but tagging with Moore he’s starting to show some potential. Ink Inc. got the pin with the Boregasm. A pretty good match in all.

So next week is the finals, I predict Ink Inc. will get the number one contendership, but we shall see. Would actually be nice to Magnus and Wolfe win some matches and actually do something on Impact.

Review: TNA Hardcore Justice

I had my doubts; I thought that Hardcore Justice was probably going to be a Botchamania special. I thought you’d have a bunch of washed-up guys trying to recapture something that had long evaporated... but shit me, I was wrong.

I was never into ECW in the 90s. I was introduced to it by Socko writer That Clown from Outta Town in October 2000. We had some crazy times back then, and watching this PPV brought back a lot of long forgotten memories of kicking the shit with a great friend. Back then I firmly believed that wrestling was fake... all of it. I believed that it was all bullshit, but then Clown played me some of his ECW tapes. Crazy shit with Sandman, Rhino and Kid Kash stick in my head. I’d never seen anything like it – it opened my eyes. Clown’s room smelt of wet dog, we made bongs out of Pringles tubes, ate our bodyweights in microwave popcorn, debated whether Fred Durst was a complete cunt or an absolute cunt, lived days by the whim of a dice-roll and played the Brake Fast Bends level on Micro Machines until our thumbs bled. Fuck, we didn’t know how lucky we were to have that time on our hands. This PPV was meant to be a piece of nostalgia, and God damn it, it worked.

With the event opening we had ECW, sorry, EV2.0 (?!) announcer Stephen DeAngelis introduce the human suplex machine Taz – this guy can still wrestle on the mic, let me tell thee.

We’re living in an age when history is someone’s intellectual property. Can you imagine if Germany were to sue Britain every time someone mentioned Adolph Hitler or the Nazi Party? Or maybe if the French sued whenever the word Napoleon came up on a history show? ECW occurred, and it is part of history... the changing of names, and letters is so fucking redundant... but I digress...

So the first match was a six-man tag match: Full Blooded Italians versus Kid Kash, Johnny Swinger & Simon Diamond. This was pretty entertaining, it had a dance off in the middle, but at least the crowd were chanting ‘where’s my pizza’. Tracy Smothers looked incredibly droopy. If you can imagine a latter-day Terry Funk being sucked into a vertical wind tunnel, you might just get the look. Simon Diamond has also, ahem, put on a few pounds – even Taz remarked that he’d been ‘blown up’. The match wasn’t great, but it was entertaining. The dance off confused the fuck out of me, but Kid Kash did a crazy-ass dive onto the floor and Guido got the win with a Killswitch (I’m pretty sure it was, there was some debate).

Next up we had some crazy-ass promo with some old ECW people who couldn’t be arsed to be there. One such person was the Blue Meanie, who for some reason, they replaced in the actual show with some random fat guy. What the fuck? The backstage sequence with the (semi-fake) bWo and Al Snow saying "You can't even use the shirts! We're so sued..." nearly made me poo my pants off.

The we had some bullshit ‘I remember’ segments from TNA stars who were, like, totally into ECW, but never really got to see it, because they were, like, five years old. Saying that, knowing that Madison Rayne and Angelina Love really liked ECW gives me a nice warm feeling... Rayne was thirteen when ECW folded...

The second match of the night was CW Anderson versus Too Cold Scorpio. I’ll be honest, I have no fucking idea who CW Anderson was or is... I’m sure Clown will enlighten me (maybe even mark out) but I really didn’t know/remember this guy at all. He looked something like Arn/Mr/Ole Anderson, but that was it... Scorpio botched a few spots, but the match was pretty decent. A couple of superkicks and a moonsault-legdrop combo by Scorpio for the win. Not a bad match, but not great... still better than what WWE are doing these days.

Next up was Stevie Richards (accompanied by the fake Blue Meanie and Hollywood Nova) versus Justin Credible. This match took a bit to get going, but we did get Richards posting Justin... ouch! There’s a few suplexes, a few powerbombs, nothing too extreme. Then Stevie comes out with ‘enough of this shit’ and gets a Steviekick in for the win. Richards and Credible were out of sync throughout and the match was nothing to write home about. After losing, Credible started hitting Stevie with a kendo stick. In true Sting fashion, the lights went out and came back on to reveal the Sandman with a cane.

Back in the day there is no fucking way that the next match would been on a PPV: Spike Dudley versus Al Snow (with Head) versus Rhino in a three-way dance. Earlier on Snow had made some comments to (Doctor) Stevie Richards, asking if he knew a therapist, hilarious stuff. All I could think throughout this match was about how shit Al Snow is and how he’s the butt of every other joke in Foley’s first autobiography. The match itself was pretty shit, luckily it only lasted about 6 minutes. A lot of brawling, a nice Sliced Bread by Spike and Rhino got the win with a Gore.

Next up was Balls Mahoney & Axl Rotten versus Team 3D. 3D were accompanied to the ring by Joel Gertner who probably got the biggest crowd reaction of the night with his poetic reference to Lady Gaga. Funny shit. With the Dudley’s back in their old ring-gear they declared that it would be a street fight (I thought this was already meant to be extreme?) Most of this match was pretty poor, throughout most of it they had this fucking annoying split-screen thing going on. Directors take note: split screen is shit. In fact, not only was the split screen shit, the graphics for the whole show looked really amateurish. Once the match went to one screen it was pretty funny. There was a hilarious bit with toy light sabres which I am sure smark fans will hate, but I thought it was hilarious. The match culminated with the Dudley’s doing a Wassup Drop to get the pin. They then get a table, set it on fire and Powerbomb Balls through it. Classic Dudleys. On the whole, this was a bad match which was saved by a lot of old school references, comedy bits and after the match... New Jack! The Gangstas came in and interrupted 3D’s celebration with an impromptu match. Bins, staple guns, hockey sticks, and crutches all came into play. Gertner got smacked by a guitar... then there’s a stare-down... and a hug. How lovely.

Next up was Tommy Dreamer versus Raven with Mick Foley as special referee. This was a long match (about 17 minutes). In the most part, it wasn’t great but there were some awesome moments, mainly to do with creative use of barbed-wire: a cross-face using the stuff and Mr Socko wrapped in the stuff (even though Socko never appeared in ECW). Holy shit, there was some juice flowing in this one. The match ended with Raven getting the win with his Raven Effect DDT onto a chair.

There was a backstage vignette with the Gangstas, JB and SoCal Val. Mustafa grabbed Val by the hair and drags her off screen, what the fuck? Is the insinuation rape here? Is this what ECW was about. New Jack then scares JB. Pretty lame.

Finally, we have the main event RVD (with Fonzie) versus Sabu (with Fonzie). Sabu was bald and looked a bit like a Victorian strong-man, very odd. I have to say I really enjoyed this match, though I think Fonzie put on the best performances of the night, this guy’s great. The match was pretty much a best of Sabu versus RVD with them doing all of their best spots. Arabian Facebuster, Rolling Thunder with a steel chair, Van Assassin, and crazy dives over the guard rail were all in here. It was a bit sloppy around the edges, but the fact that these two guys can go like this says a lot. I was also reminded how good RVD can be when he can be arsed. RVD won with the Five Star Frog Splash and they hugged at the end.

At the end Dreamer and the rest of the ECW guys came out to thank the crowd (Dreamer now sporting a rather nasty looking black-eye). Dixie was brought into the ring and it was all lovely. Then the chants of ‘fuck you Vince’ finished it off nicely.

Joel Gertner and Fonzie proved something which I have thought for a good while: there are no decent wrestling managers anymore. TNA need some good managers to big up wrestlers who might not be the best on the mic but are awesome in the ring. This was attempted with Amazing Red and Dom West, but Red was pushed aside, ooh, around January time.

So, it didn’t quite look right being in the Impact Zone, and didn’t sound without Joey Styles on the announce table, and TNA couldn’t use the letters ECW in the order I’ve just written them, oh, and some of the names were a bit wrong... but fuck it, it was it was, and they put on a great show. Smarks will no doubt piss all over this because from a pure wrestling standpoint they weren’t great matches, but that wasn’t the fucking point. E C fuckin’ W.

Live review: All Action Wrestling, Whitby Pavilion, 30th July, 2010

Whitby, UK: a hotbed of Goths, fish and seaside entertainment. I have just spent a week there checking out the local scene and eating more fish than I would usually care to. Whilst in Whitby, I went to check out North-East wrestling promotion All Action Wrestling.

Performing to a capacity crowd of 150, Whitby Pavilion on Friday, All Action Wrestling put on a show for children of all ages (as long as that age is below 8 years). It seemed that I was one of the oldest people there (apart from a few mothers, and one loud-mouthed heckler at ring-side), and as I sat the second row with a pint in my hand, I noticed something: most of the people there were children, some of them had Rey Mysterio masks, some of them had John Cena t-shirts and caps... As soon as the announcer came out as said: ‘Ladies and Gentlemen, boys and girls,” I knew I was in the wrong place. I’ve been to a few wrestling shows in my time, and this was the first that had the atmosphere of a kid’s party. Rather than hoping to witness some new up-and-coming talent, I decided at that point to think ‘fuck it’ and enjoy it with my tongue firmly embedded in my cheek. Wrestling works because of the suspension of disbelief, this could only work with a suspension of expectations... 2 pints... 3 pints...

I sat and waited with the missus for the event to start and realised how inappropriate the music was for such an event. Now, I don’t claim to be a wrestling promoter (I’m not), and I have so much respect for the people who put together live events, especially to a handful of people. What struck me was the music. Now, picture the scene: you’re a wrestling promoter, you want a small crowd to be into your show, you want to build up anticipation for the event. One of the ways you do this is through the music you play before the event. Maybe some rock music, or some rap music, or something edgy and loud, maybe... Instead, I had to endure Robbie William’s album of Big Band songs Swing When You’re Winning: I was mortified.

The announcer explained how the event would work. Essentially it was a knockout tournament between four wrestlers for the coveted Whitby Pavilion Trophy. The anticipation levels started to quiver a little bit as the announcer introduced the wrestlers. First out was American heel by the name of Heartthrob Robinson. Dressed in tight pink shorts, pink feather boa and waving an American flag, he came out doing the whole Rick Rude schtick telling the crowd how all the women loved him, etc, etc. Far from sharing the steroid-enhanced frame of Ravishing Rick, Heartthrob Robinson was quite skinny and pale. During his promo his (very bad) American accent would sometimes slip into Geordie... things were looking up. Next up representing England, was Tony Spitfire: the company’s top babyface. As far as I can tell, his selling point was that he was English, and this is the reason why the announcer told us to cheer for this guy... brilliant. We then had a generic Japanese mask wrestler, Shadow Phoenix, who I believe had a brief stint with ROH a few years ago. Finally, representing “the rest of the world” was “Bad News” AJ Anderson. Anderson was dressed in black, with Ultimate Warrior face paint, and though combined the names of two of TNA’s top wrestlers, lacked the talent of either.

The first match was between Tony Spitfire and Heartthrob Robinson. This was not a technical wrestler’s dream match by a long shot. With the most advanced moves being arm-drag takedowns and Body Slams. The match was structured using the ever popular Wrestling Booking for Dummies. The match started with Spitfire getting momentum, then Heartthrob did something heelish and cheated while the ref’s back was turned, he then dominated for a bit and just when it looked like he was going to get the win, Spitfire dug deep and won the match with a clear win. What was most interesting about this match was that throughout, Tony Spitfire was getting the crowd to chant “Eng-er-land, Eng-er-land” – it was some very sophisticated stuff, I think you’ll agree.

With the best guy going through to finals, we had a match between AJ Anderson and Shadow Phoenix. With the, almost parody-esque style of the last match, I didn’t hold my breath for anything of quality, and prepared myself to continue basking in the stupidity of it all. As the wrestlers came in, Anderson let us know exactly what he thought of us, saying to the parents in the crowd that “your kids are so ugly they had to wear those masks” (referring to the aforementioned mini-Mysterios in attendance). I was actually surprised by the quality of the match-up. Both of these guys could actually go, and though they looked sloppy around the edges, there were some pretty decent moves being pulled off: a few Enziguris, a couple of powerbomb variations, a hurricanrana, a senton and a moonsault were all in there. The match was again booked using the Wrestling Booking for Dummies text and this time saw Anderson win... through cheating. What a dastardly sod!

Next up was a “bonus match” between Max Heat (representing England) and Ewan McCloud (representing Scotland). Heat had a quick Luchador style and McCloud was a bit like Sgt. Slaughter. Essentially, it was power versus agility, and England versus Scotland. There were calls by the announcer to get behind Max, as he heckled McCloud for his hairy back. All hilarious stuff, I can assure you. The chants for “Eng-er-land” were called for and as the kids started to recognise Max’s style, they started the all too familiar chants of “6-1-9”... With Max winning the match, McCloud went for a post-match beatdown, only to be scuppered by a floppy looking 619... the kids loved it.

Finally, we had our main event: “Bad News” Anderson versus Tony Spitfire. For some reason, Anderson was now representing America and Spitfire said something about American getting us into wars we don’t want to be in (very topical...) and took issue with the fact that Anderson had cheated in his last match, urging the crowd to chant “cheat, cheat, cheat...” The match was pretty basic, as were the moves. They left the ring and fought around the outside of the ring for a bit. There was a ref bump and a run-in by the other heels, and the beat on Spitfire. The ref awoke, but Spitfire dug down and managed to get the win. England won! Against insurmountable odds, England won! “Eng-er-land, Eng-er-land...”

On the whole, this was an event for kids. I’m sure as an eight year old, I would have been enthralled, but for the older fan the wrestling and the storylines were very simplistic. This isn’t a criticism, it is merely stating fact. The company and its audience represent quite strongly the demo shift in WWE. But the kids are the ones buying the merchandise and paying the promotions bills, so hats off to them. The event wasn’t for me, but I’d certainly recommend it to families.

ECW Angle Overshadowing Great Progress in the Ring

Hey guys Chris Wilson here, I know it, I'm a few days late but I'm finally back with my booking/segments and promos review for the July 22nd Impact. For those of you who are not familiar with my ratings scheme from my previous review here it is again. TNA's show format is a little different compared to the WWE's so there may be some obvious differences from my first review but all in all it will be good fun.

I'm rating from 1 to 5, 1 being boring , 2 being lackluster, 3 being average, 4 entertaining, and 5 being must watch.


Impact starts off with a video package of Abyss's recent rampage over the weeks. This was a pretty cool looking video and a great way to remind people of imo a long overdue heel turn by him. Although I enjoyed the video package i'm going to give this segment a 3 out of 5. I would have given it a 4, and later on I'll tell you guys why I didn't.

Okay our first match of the night AJ Styles vs. Rob Terry(c) for the Global Championship. I love title matches guys, and when a show starts off with one it's even better. Styles and Kazarian come out together and I'm instantly intrigued. A recap of Styles pinning Terry at Victory Road quickly plays, So I go okay that must be the reason for the match. At first I thought to myself that a Styles vs Terry match would be weird, but once Rob Terry showcased his power game it was on. Then AJ began to display his althleticism as the match went on. Soon enough Terry catches Styles off a springboard with a military press. AJ counters a chokeslam with a right hand and hits an enzuigiri. AJ gets distracted and turns around into a huge spin kick. Terry goes for the cover but Kaz distracts the ref. Terry takes out Kaz, and that allows AJ to roll up Terry for a two count. Terry goes for a suplex, but Kaz trips the leg and AJ falls on him for the pin. The booking of this match gets a 3 out of 5.... Although I agree with Rob Terry dropping the Global Title(mainly because you see AJ more on TV) the match was too short. AJ deserves to have some gold on him but in the future TNA should try to build up such a match before putting it on at the beginning of the show.

What's going on with the Beautiful People??? IDK lets ask Madison Rayne....Madison Rayne and Sarita are in the back, Madison makes fun of Velvet, and Velvet and Lacey are standing right behind her. Velvet says if she's got something to say, say then she should say it to her face. Madison says she's not afraid to say anything. Madison is exicited because she's going to get her Knockout's Title back. Madison says she has a match to get ready for. Interesting BP segment I'm curious to see if things are headed for BREAKUP or ANOTHER REFORM. This backstage segment gets a 4 out of 5.

Next Dixie Carter is in the back arguing with some guys(who are road agents, and I think I saw Terry Taylor i'm not sure though), including Al Snow and D'Lo Brown. Dixie said Al punched a ref. Someone closes the door. Although I'm not digging the ECW angle, I'm giving this a 4 out of 5. Mainly because I believe TNA is breaking ground with some their segments....mainly making the backstage stuff seem more real.

Our next match is a Knockouts match... Taylor Wilde and Angelina Love vs. Madison Rayne and Sarita. Number one....EXECELLENT BOOKING, 4 of the best singles Knockouts in the ring at one time is always a good thing. If you have been watching TNA for the last two years, you'll know it's the case of two tag teams that switched partners. And not only that but Madison Rayne got her Knockouts Title back....the hard way. Earl Hebner has a mic. He says that the Board of Directors has instructed him that they have no proof that the person who attacked her was a member of the Beautiful People, so she must surrender the belt. Angelina hits Madison with a right and the match starts. These four ladies were very intense throughout the match..but in the end Angelina hits the Lights Out(my favorite womens finisher) on Madison Rayne as Angelina Love claims victory for herself and Taylor Wilde. The booking of this match gets a 4 out of 5

After the match our mystery biker shows up again.She comes up to ringside. Lacey and Velvet are on the entrance ramp. Sarita and Madison attack Angelina and Taylor. The mystery woman joins in on the action too. As they start to leave. Madison tells Lacey to come with them, and she doesn't know what to do. She leaves with Madison, and Velvet looks pissed. Angelina and Velvet make eye contact. oooh yes OG BP's meeting eyes at the end of this.....Who's the mystery biker?....and even further down the road will Velvet and Angelina reunite????How many good matches could we be treated to via a Taylor Wilde/Sarita feud?? Good post match segment way to inject some excitement in the Knockouts scene again... So many questions one answer 4 out of 5

Mike Tenay hypes up the next match as Dreamer, Raven, Rhino, Stevie and Foley are walking in the back. What is the next match you ask? Kurt Angle vs Hernandez...Kurt Angle (#8) vs Hernandez (#7) that is... They Tie up at the start, and Hernandez pushes Angle into the corner. Angle takes down Hernandez and locks in the front headlock. Hernandez drives Angle into the corner. European uppercuts by Kurt. Angle elevates Hernandez to the apron. This is followed by an explosive slingshot shoulderblock by the big man. Right hands by Kurt, but he runs right into a brick wall. Hernandez follows with a delayed over the shoulder backbreaker. Pin but only two. Right hands by Kurt. Clothesline in the corner connects. Hernandez lifts himself to the top. Angle follows him up but gets pushes down. Angle runs back up and gets the belly to belly suplex off the top. Pin but only two. Angle ducks a shot and hits a german. And another. Trifecta, but he's not done. Fourth one will finish it. Pin but Hernandez kicks out at two. Angle Slam countered. Inverted sitout side powerslam connects. Border Toss coming up, but Angle slides down the back and hits the Angle Slam but only gets a 2 count Angle goes to the top. Moonsault misses. Huge shoulder block connects. Delayed vertical suplex by Hernandez countered by Angle into the Ankle Lock. Hernandez taps and Angle wins! I liked this match Kurt Angle has been good with all of his opponents since he has declared his rise to the top of the top 10 rankings. Good Booking a 4 out of 5.

Post match, Angle celebrates his win, but here comes Kevin Nash. Angle shakes hands with Nash as he walks back up the ramp. Taz makes mention of mutual respect from the past of the Main Event Mafia. Nash says he's seen Jarrett in the back and would like to talk to him. We're heading to commercial. Out comes Jeff Jarrett. Nash says he's had a week to think about what went down, and something didn't feel right. Jarrett is amazing and really good at what he does, he almost had Nash convinced that it was Sting's fault. Nash isn't sure if it was Sting's fault or Jarrett's. Nash says he can deal with it, but there's a group of young guys who look up to Jeff and they are the victims. Jarrett says he has no idea what he's talking about. He's not buying it, and he's sure these people aren't buying. It was Kevin Nash that screwed Hulk and Eric when he did what he did to get Hall and Waltman jobs. He used his deceit to screw this company. Jeff knows him though, and these people know him. Nash says he's come to his conclusion, he gets it and can live with it. Those three young daughters of Jeff's though, when they grow up and they get it, and they realize that their father is nothing but a selfish prick, and tells Jarrett to juggle that in his sleep. Nash leaves the ring. Ummmm does this have anything to do with the ECW guys coming??? lol what is Nash talking about??? Honestly I didn't care and this kind of took away from the two good matches that were booked before this segment. a 2 out of 5.

Next up Samoa Joe vs. Jeff Hardy, FIRST TIME EVER!!!, i like that. This one's got a ten minute time limit. Jeff rolls to the outside and high fives the fans. Eric Bischoff is joining commentary via telephone(I found this a little weird judging the caliber of match being put on) This match went back and forth between these two. Joe seems to take the advantage as the match wears into crunch time. Joe flexes to the crowd. Both guys trade shots now. Samoan Drop countered into a Twist of Fate attempt, but Joe counters that into the Coquina Clutch. Hardy rams Joe into the corner. Whisper in the Wind connects. 30 seconds are left in the match. Both guys are trading shots now. 10 seconds, The bell rings and the match is declared a time limit draw. Great booking!!! once again I'm liking the booking people to face each other for the first time its a big breathe of fresh of air. All you IWC complaining about TNA giving these matches away, SIT DOWN, SHUT UP, and WATCH THIS ONE. I give the booking of this match a 5 out 5.....Maybe a future feud to come....fingers crossed!!! Joe is pissed. Hardy takes off his shirt and goes straight after Joe. The ref pulls Hardy off.

After the match Jarrett and Dixie are in the back. Dixie says everyone was disappointed last week. Dixie needs everyone to stop thinking that this isn't a good thing. Jarrett says he's got it. This segment didn't really interest me but I'm going to give it a 3 out of 5.... Lets find out what Dixie means....

The next match features Matt Morgan vs. The #3 Contender Mr. Anderson. Again this is good booking. Mr. Anderson is doing some of the best work in his career so far in TNA.Anderson goes for a roll up, but Morgan kicks out quick. Another roll up and another quick kick out. Headlock by Anderson. Morgan pushes Anderson into the corner and goes on the attack. Elbows in the corner by Morgan. Taz lets out a "vintage". Clothesline in the corner and a sidewalk slam follows. Pin but only two. Anderson fights back with the rights. Knee by Morgan to the gut. Anderson ducks a clothesline but gets caught on the crossbody attempt. Fallaway slam connects. Pin but only two. Morgan's now taunting Anderson. Short arm clothesline by Morgan. And another. Anderson counters a discuss clothesline with the Mic Check. Pins him and wins.
I give the booking of this match a 4 out of 5. After the match Anderson turns around and Morgan clocks him with the mic. He then drops it on Anderson and poses on top of him.

Our final match involves TNA World Tag Team Champions The Motor City Machine Guns vs Beer Money Inc.(Best of 5 Series/Beer Money leads 1-0) I have actually been waiting to see this, and even better off it's a street fight. Later in the match Beer Money goes for a double superplex, but Sabin runs in and knocks Storm to the outside. MADE IN DETROIT and the Pin but there's no ref. Storm nails Shelley with the beer bottle. Superkick to Sabin! Storm revives the ref as Roode pins Shelley for the win. I liked the match and the fact that the Guns pulled off some sick moves.....4 out of 5

Team 3D are in the back (Ray has a LAX shirt on). Devon asks where was Ray at the end of the show last week. He wants to know if Ray has their back. Ray asks why would he want to have their back? What do they have left to prove. They've done more than they've ever had. Now although Team 3D are former ECW guys they have been at odds lately..I just don't get what TNA is doing with them at the moment....3 out of 5

Our next backstage interview has Christy Hemme is in the back with RVD. Christy asks him how it felt last week to be with ECW. Rob says it was awesome. It was like being home. He's so proud of that part of his career. To have that here as he's world champion, he's very happy. He says he's very excited to hear what Dixie's news is, but he doesn't know. He's hoping it's got something to do with what he's thinking. He doesn't know what Dixie's gonna say and he doesn't want to miss out on it. He's got the belt, and Abyss wants it. He has to have eyes in the back of his head....3 out 5 To much talking about ECW hey Rob you're the TNA World Champion try talking more about that.

Finally at the end of the show Dixie Carter comes out and addresses the fans and soon enough invites Tommy Dreamer, Rhino, Stevie Richards, Raven and Mick Foley to the ring. Dixie says she invited them to come and tell the fans what they mean to them. Foley thanks Dixie for giving him another chance to make a last impression, and he congratulates Dixie on cutting her first promo and Dixie says she's just being real. Tommy Dreamer gets on the mic and says this isn't about an ECW Invasion its about the men and women who lost their jobs(but it sure didn't seem that way last week) For one night, give them one night to show them the world what they had and their legacy can live forever. He begs of her. Do you guys want one night? The crowd's going nuts. Dixie says you can't come out here and get emotional like that. She asks the fans if they want to do this. They agree. She has one stipulation. They plan it all. It has to be real and what they want. Nothing that has to do with TNA. Tommy Dreamer says "Impact Zone, we're going extreme". Dreamer hugs Dixie Carter and Impact ends. Tommy Dreamer did a good job, but this ECW thing has lost it's flavor...I felt that emotion in 05 when the WWE brought them back...NOT NOW...This promo gets a 3 out of 5

All in all a good show Great matches being booked ONE PROBLEM. This ECW thing is overshadowing the great matches in the ring. Where the hell was Abyss why show a video package about him and he not even appear. I have a bad feeling about this ECW thing.

RAW's Booking picking up steam

Hey everyone Chris Wilson here, but for now you can just call me TiTan. I just got back into watching the WWE just recently and there's no better way to start off my week than with RAW. Now remember guys i'm not rating the matches i'm rating the booking and the segments/promos involved in the show.



I'm rating from 1 to 5, 1 being boring , 2 being lackluster, 3 being average, 4 entertaining, and 5 being must watch.





Let's start off with Randy Orton vs. Edge vs. Chris Jericho, Coming out of the MITB PPV this a good match to start off with. These three are obviously top contenders for the WWE Title(mainly because Cena is tied up with the Nexus angle). Good to determine a new #1 contender at the beggining of the show while playing into Edge and Jericho's feud, while giving the crowd endless reasons to mark for Orton early in the show. I was surprised to see this first being that the Nexus angle seems to be dominating RAW right now. But all in all good way to start the show. So I give the booking of Randy Orton vs. Edge vs. Chris Jericho a 4 out of 5.



When we return from commercial, Edge is in the ring demanding that Jericho come back out to the ring. The two jaw at each other for a minute, and i'm thinking they are going to go at it at SummerSlam.....Then Jericho mentions Nexus and then it got interesting, Jericho? Leader of the Nexus??? Enter the Nexus and with the snap of a finger my interest returns. Wade Barrett speaks and of course they quickly jump on Edge, lolz at Jericho cheering them on. Wade Barrett speaks again berating Jericho for claiming their own and they quickly jump on him as well. Nice way of tying the Nexus angle into the Jericho/Edge feud, And an even better way of separating Barrett from his pro. Its a breath of fresh air from the "usual" random Nexus attacks. I say i'll give that segment a 4 out of 5 and later on I'll tell you why.



When we return once again The Nexus are heading into their locker room and Barrett is approached by Josh Matthews. Matthews questions if any individual in Nexus can beat Mark Henry, Barrett quickly says Henry is quaking in his boots and that he will write a new chapter in WWE history. As Barrett tries to enter the locker room again he is approached by Sheamus and Sheamus offers a proposal, Barrett offers for him to step into his office, Sheamus quickly decides to wait outside. I have to say didn't like the placement of this segment I thought a match should have been in this spot so I give the Nexus/Sheamus/Matthews segment a 3 out of 5



When we come back again we are joined by John Cena on the Titantron.....hey WWE where are the matches at? anyway Cena ends his interview through titantron by saying if you can' beat em.... and we are off to another commercial. I understand pushing the Nexus angle but a Titantron interview.....2 out of 5



Finally another match.. Eve Torres vs Maryse with the winner becoming #1 contender to the Divas Title....Although the match was short, booking these two is an awesome idea and it had some intrigue going into it if you pay attention to the Divas. So I give the booking of this match a 4 out of 5

Post match Ted DiBiase storms into the ring and yells at the referee for not noticing Maryse's foot on the ropes. John Morrison runs out in street clothes(good to see him) and delivers imo a nearly botched StarShip Pain. Good way to remind us of this mid-card feud by giving Morrison camera time after a very short Diva match. But I give that segment a 3 out of 5

Next up is our current WWE Champion Sheamus coming out and bragging of his dominance over John Cena. Again another Nexus mention comes about when he mentions that him and Wade Barrett agreed to stay out of his way. Miz interrupts and the entertainment value of this promo/segment goes up as The Miz is Mr Money In The Bank, all the while Sheamus says The Miz is nothing and he is the WWE Champion and promptly leaves the ring. As he is leaving the GM sends an email saying Sheamus will be in action. Good segment, intrigue added by Mr. Money in the Bank making an appearance making us think he would cash in...... 4 out of 5

Sheamus is immediately put into action against Evan Bourne. It's always good to see Evan Bourne's high flying antics in action so I wasn't complaining. Obviously a filler match was saved by good booking as the WWE Champion kicked Bourne in the ribs out of the refs view and the hits him with the Brouge Kick to finish the match. 4 out of 5.

A nicely booked match was followed by an even more entertaining post-match segment. The Miz is sarcastically clapping for Sheamus as he gets into the ring. The Miz whacks Sheamus with the MITB breifcase while he wasn't looking. As he was waiting for Sheamus to get up(and i'm thinking he's gonna cash in) R-Truth returns and chases The Miz off. Only a 5 out of 5 because of The Miz's possible cash in and the return of a superstar that I thought would be out longer??

The Miz is now back stage flipping out over R-Truth costing him a shot at cashing in his MITB oppurtunity. 3 out of 5

Next Sheamus is walking backstage with ice on his head and he runs into "The Viper" Randy Orton. Orton tells him that its too bad what happened and that Sheamus is a target now, and that he won't hit with an arrow but with an R.....K......O......... 4 out of 5

Next is Santino and Koslov vs William Regal and Zack Ryder, I can see that the WWE is trying to put over the tag team of Santino and Koslove right now. Although they could be battling any other team, I like the fact that Zack Ryder was booked in this match because you don't see him too much on RAW these days. The booking of this match gets a 3 out of 5.

Next is Wade Barrett vs Mark Henry now this is not main event material so excellent booking to put it at the point of the show where there could be room for a final segment heavily involving the Nexus angle. Henry gets distracted by Nexus who is standing on the stage before the entrance ramp(good play on Henry being distracted because of a possible attack) and Barrett(barely) hits The Wasteland and pins Henry for the victory....I like the placement of this match being that it wouldn't have been possible for Cena's summit with Nexus to occur before it..... 4 out of 5

Barrett continues to attack Henry as the rest of Nexus makes their way to the ring. Barrett calls out Cena. Tarver gets on the mic and say they have made one truce already and Nexus gives their word that they will listen to what Cena has to say. Cena comes out and thanks them for meeting with him and offers a truce as Sheamus did earlier. Barrett answers no and proposes something bigger....and that is that Cena joins Nexus. Cena declines and Barrett tells him he can either leave a coward or get into the ring and take the most vicious beating he can imagine. Cena leaves the ring and states that he has help now as Edge, John Morrison, R-Truth, The Great Khali, and Chris Jericho make their way out and Cena say's there's one more to go and it's BRET HART and they all make their way to the ring as Nexus bails out. Nexus gets high up into the stands as Cena and his team yell at Nexus from the ring. Excellent segment to end a nicely booked show as no matter what most of the faces and Edge and Jericho were through out the show heavily pusing the Nexus angle....hell I thought Cena would join Nexus....5 out of 5

See you guys in a few days for my review of the booking and segments for TNA Impact......

Review: WWE Money in the Bank PPV, 18th July

The WWE has decided that all of its non-‘big four’ PPVs should now be named after lame gimmicks, it would seem. We’ve had TLC, Elimination Chamber, Extreme Rules, Fatal Four Way and now we have Money in the Bank.

The Money in the Bank gimmick came in to WWE in about 2005 (I’m sure someone will correct me on this), and has done no end of damage to the integrity of the championship titles. Indeed, not only did the WWE decide to have two championship belts, they also decided that any mid-carder who needs a quick push can win the Money in the Bank match at Wrestlemania. What has made the Money in the Bank gimmick so interesting in the past, however, is that it brings together the wrestlers from Raw and Smackdown, and allows the winner to cash in on either brand (as Jack Swagger did with his move over to Smackdown). With two (yes two) MiB matches (one for each brand) the value of the gimmick and the value of the belts has been further diluted.

At the beginning of MiB, we were shown one of the most dangerous things in professional wrestling. No, I’m not talking about Hell in a Cell or the Elimination Chamber, and I’m not talking about barbed wire ropes or exploding turn buckles: I’m referring, of course, to the Spanish announce table. I think I’ve said before that WWE has lost any sense of subtlety in its storytelling and in its matches, if I haven’t, I’ve certainly thought it. It’s almost as if WWE management went: “Right, we need to do a spot where someone goes through the Spanish announce table,” the board members look on blankly, another one chirps up: “I’m not sure our demographic know what a Spanish announce table is, and I’m not sure they could picture such a thing.” And so they show, for those fans who can’t picture what an announce table looks like with people commentating in Spanish rather than English.

First up was the Smackdown MiB match. We had Dolph Ziggler, Christian, Cody Rhodes, Kofi Kingston, Kane, The Big Show, Matt Hardy and Drew McIntyre in what was actually a well-booked match... until the end that is. Unlike most recent WWE PPVs, the crowd were really into this one, and the crowd were hot for this match in particular. The match started with most of the guys beating on Show, even though when he tried to climb a ladder it broke. Christian and Hardy did some great stuff on top the ladders, reminiscent of some of their matches back in their tag team days. Kofi did a really cool Leg Drop from the top of ladder, onto Drew McIntyre who was spread out on... the Spanish announce table, woo! With Show unable to climb a regular ladder, he went under the ring to pull out a big ladder made of ‘reinforced steel’ – this thing looked heavy, this thing looked so heavy in fact that Show could hardly lift it into the ring, if you missed it I’m sure it will be on the next Botchamania. Indeed, the Big Show’s frustration was clearly evidenced when the words ‘fuck me’ left his lips. Naughty Big Show, that’s not very PG now, is it? Then came what was probably the highlight of the match for me, Show got thrown out of the ring and the rest of the wrestlers came over and buried him in a pile of ladders. I’m not sure if it was meant to be funny, but I was pissing myself. It reminded me of that ECW thing were the crowd were throwing the chairs. Awesome. Then came the ending... Kane won. Fucking Kane. Easily the worst guy possible to win this won. What the fuck?

Next up was the Divas. Don’t care. Enough time to put the kettle on.

The next match was the Hart Dynasty versus the Uzos for the tag titles. To be honest, I’m not sold on either team in this one and really didn’t care what the result was, it seemed the crowd agreed with this sentiment. The match ended with Davey Hart Smith doing the Sharpshooter (why not a Bulldog?) for the win. Pretty dull match, but luckily it was only 6 minutes long.

Next up was Rey Mysterio versus Kurt Angle for the World Heavyweight Title. Hang on, Kurt Angle? Lets work this out carefully: Amateur style ring attire? Check. Ankle Lock? Check. All-American gimmick? Check. That sounds like Kurt Angle to me! But wait, it’s Jack Swagger, not Kurt Angle... my mistake. Anyway, this match was pretty decent. Rey was selling an injured ankle throughout the match, which made him change his style. There were some pretty cool spots in the one like Rey getting Swagger with the Lou Thez Press of the top rope and Rey countering a superplex into a DDT for a near fall. The match culminated in Angle, sorry, Swagger getting Mysterio into an Ankle Lock. After squirming for a few moments, Rey shimmied out of his boot and took Swagger down with a Hurricianrama for the pin. This was not the end for Swagger though, he went back to work on Rey’s ankle, and Kane ran in for the save and chased Swagger to the locker-room. With Mysterio still reeling in the ring, who should return the ring but Kane, MiB briefcase in hand and cashed it in. Kane quickly worked on Rey’s ankle, put him in a Tombstone and got the pin. For fuck’s sake. That’s right, Kane, yes Kane, is now the World Heavyweight Champion. I predict, hmm, Undertaker getting the title, hmm, at Summerslam, hmm, 12 year old feud gets reignited, hmm, fans don’t care. I would care if they brought back Paul Bearer to fuck around with the Undertakers head a bit though. So let’s get this straight: rather than using this opportunity to get a young guy over, they use it to reignite a feud which has been done, four, maybe five times before, which doesn’t even need a title to establish a match... for fuck’s sake.

Another Divas match, but this time I made the mistake of watching it. Oh dear, this was bad. This was Rob Terry doing Lucha Libre bad. This was Warrior verus Hercules bad. Kelly Kelly versus Layla could go down in history as the worst thing to ever appear on a PPV. Now don’t get me wrong, Layla is hot, but God damn it, this is a wrestling show. If I wanted to watch hot girls wrestle I’d... anyway...

Next up was the Raw MiB match with Randy Orton, Miz, Mark Henry, John Morrison, Jericho, Ted Dibiase, Edge and Evan Bourne. This was actually an excellent match, and the ending was so much better than the Smackdown MiB match. There were some really good spots during this match, probably too many to go into. There was one where two guys were each on a ladder and Mark Henry came in between them and sent them flying. The commentator said something dumb along the lines of “It’s Hercules parting the Red Sea!” Because Hercules and Moses are the same, you fucking moron. Everyone seemed to get in their signature moves and Morrison did some great acrobatics between ladders before getting socked by the Miz and Edge. The worst bit of the match came when DiBiase’s lady Virgil, Maryse came in to try and grab the case for DiBiase. Morrison then fireman’s lifted her away. The ending came with a battle on the ladder between Orton and Miz with Miz unhooking the case and giving a pretty decent promo afterwards. I really wanted Miz to win this, the MiB suits an up and coming heel, but I want Miz to be the first person to cash in his case and not get the belt.

Finally, the main event was Cena versus Seamus in a cage match for the WWE title. This match had some really dumb moments. There was one where Seamus put Cena into a Sleeper Hold, with his last few breaths, Cena started Hulking up, brother. With the Sleeper Hold still tightly in place, Cena started to climb out of the cage with Seamus on his back. For fuck’s sake. Like a lot of cage matches, this one also had a number of opportunities when either competitor could get a clean win and simply escape the cage, but would rather do some spots instead. For fuck’s sake. The match went on, both did their finishers and then the NXTWo came in, bolt cutters in hand, no doubt to break into the cage and mess up the match. A little old referee came over to try and stop them and snatched the bolt cutters and made a hasty exit. Remember that this group had beaten up most of the roster, had beaten up management and had beat up legends, but it was a little referee who got the better of them. For fuck’s sake. The NXTWo then demanded that a referee gave them the key to the cage. Obviously having watched the Angle versus Anderson cage match on TNA, the ref threw the key into the crowd, and again a little ref got the better of the NXTWo. The climax to the match came when the ref in the ring got bumped and Cena got Seamus to tap out to the STF. With the ref out, Cena attempted to climb out, but Justin Gabriel of the NXTWo climbed the outside and started fighting with Cena. Meanwhile, that sneaky Irish heel managed to climb out and get the win. Seamus then legged it into the crowd.

Overall, this was a pretty good PPV. Both of the MiB matches were very good, the Swagger versus Mysterio match was also pretty decent, the Divas match I saw was bad as they come, and the main event was also pretty good. This is probably the best PPV WWE have put on this year.

Ratings:

Smackdown MiB:
***1/2

Harts versus Uzos
*

Mysterio versus Swagger
***

Kelly Kelly versus Layla
Minus *****

Raw MiB
****

Cena versus Seamus
***

PPV Rating:
***1/2

Review: ROH, 12th July

This week’s Ring of Honor kicked off with a recap of Necro Butcher’s angle that he was short of money and could not afford to pay for his medical bills, an angle which would not work in the UK with our glorious and highly communistic National Health Service. Anyway, so with Necro not being able to pay his bills, he decides to hook-up with one-time WWE jobber Price Nana and become part of his stable, the Embassy. Instead of a pauper entering, we see Necro dressed in a flashy robe and apparently wearing a Rolex. Nana describes Necro as ‘the crown jewell’ of the Embassy. Here in the UK, we use the term crown Jewells to refer to one’s testicular area, so essentially Nana is calling Necro a big testical.
After a bit of an incoherent promo, the match begins: Necro Butcher versus Bobby “The Jobber” Beverly. The match was under ‘Butcher’s Rules’ which, as far as I can make out, is exactly the same as Raven’s rules: basically a no DQ match. The match on the whole was pretty lame, with Necro dominating throughout. There were some pretty cool spots during the match, for example when Necro scooped up the Jobber using a steel chair and then slammed him down to the canvas, chair and all, Necro also did a chokeslam and a Sit Out Powerbomb onto two chairs (one is never enough) to get the pin. What was perhaps the nastiest move of the match came in the post-match beat-down, when Necro used a standing chair as an aid to a nasty looking Back Breaker.
Next up was Eddie Edwards in one of his Ten Minute Hunt matches to be in contendership for the coveted TV Title. If the videos remain on YouTube, you will notice the beauty and quality of the graphics for this segment. Every time I see Eddie Edwards I am always made to think of Olympic ski-jumper Eddie ‘the Eagle’ Edwards. For this reason alone, I was gunning for Edwards. Edwards’ opponent for this match-up was the Andy ‘Right Leg’ Ridge, a wrestler famour for having a right leg. After questioning Right Leg’s sexual prowess, Eddies hits him with the mic and match begins.
Eddie spends much time during the match working on Ridge’s left leg, not realising that Ridge’s power is drawn from the right. Edwards hits a nasty Lariat and then Powebomb’s Ridge to an single-legged Boston Crab to get the win by submission. The match lasted around four minutes and was pretty mediocre.
The camera cuts to a promo with Austin Aries, dressed in a suit, wearing aviator sunglasses and smoking a pipe, alongside Rhett Titus and Kenny King. What I found out in this promo was that you need to have a licence to be a manager in professional wrestling, and that Aries has one, but states that he’s still going to wrestle. Aries made a sly jab at Jim Cornette, referring to him as a‘mama's boy with a tennis racket'. You tell him, Austin.
Back in the ring, Cornette brings Strong out for an interview. I was difficult to tell that Strong is a heel, because if he was in WWE or TNA, he’d be wearing a suit damn it. How do you know a guy’s bad if he’s wearing jeans and a t-shirt? The promo was pretty bizarre, it began with Stong going on about how he’s been screwed by everyone in the company, but has found someone to tell him ‘The Truth’ and introduced his new mentor Truth Martin (geddit?) who came to the ring with Christian Abel and Josh Raymond.
The mic is passed to Martini who rambles about being a Life Intervention Expert and says the Strong isn’t to blame: it’s all Tyler Black’s fault (now it makes sense). With a few more minutes of incoherence, the crowd were visibly and audibly getting bored. Cornette then referred to Martini as a ‘snake oil salesman’. Oooh.
Onto the main event: Tyler Black, Jerry Lynn and Delirious versus Austin Aries, Kenny King and Rhett Titus. The brawling begins before the match starts. You can tell that wrestlers don’t like each other when they fight before the bell rings, and with RoH’s code of honour, this just goes to underline this.
With King and Lynn in the ring, the bell rings and match starts officially. Thank goodness that the violence was now contained within the legitimate boundaries of a wrestling match. On the whole, this was a decent match, there were some great moments such as Black and Lynn delivering stereo F-5s onto King and Aries then take Titus up for a double F-5 on him. The match ended with what I think was a DQ due to Delirious throwing Aries onto a chair. The brawling continued outside, but there was no real ending to the match.
In summary, this was a mixed bag: there was far too much time spent on pointless promos which didn’t add much to storylines. The first two matches were squash matches which had very little purpose and the final match, though pretty good, lacked a sense of closure.

Review: ROH, 7th July 2010

This week’s Ring of Honor started out with a pretty poor, non-title match between the Dark City Fight Club and the Kings of Wrestling. The Kings of Wrestling have been in some great matches, but this was not one of them.

The Dark City Fight Club are what you would get if Mark Henry tagged with his spastic brother. The timings were way off, they sold injuries worse than Hogan, and, well, they just sucked anus.

The match went nowhere, the KoW did some of their usual spots and then the Briscoes turned up in revenge for insulting their daddy at the last PPV.


This is where it went a bit stupid. With the Briscoes set for revenge, ROH security and most of the locker room came out to stop them. The KoW made a quick escape and the Briscoes went at it with security.

This was a shit end to a shit match. I wouldn’t even give it one star. It was probably because the match was so bad that the Briscoes got the biggest pop of the night.

Next up was a women’s match between Daizee Haze verus Jamilia Craft. This really surprised me as to just how good it was, and might actually be one of the best women’s wrestling matches I think I’ve seen. A lot of really strong technical wrestling and completely wipes the floor with WWE at the moment: men and women. Also this match shows what the Knockout division could be capable of if TNA gave it a bit more time and got in some better wrestlers. You know it’s a bad state of affairs when the penile reactions of teenage boys have a direct effect upon the women we tend to see in the ring.

TNA/WWE management: “Well there’s a choice between this really good technical wrestler who is just amazing in the ring, or there’s this bleach-blonde stick with bolt-on tits who will make even the most basic of moves look shit...”

Teenage boy: “Tits.”

Grotty little bastards.

Anyway, the match was won by Daizee Haze with a German Suplex to pin. I’d give this match four and a half stars, and could probably be the best women’s match we’ll see for a good while.

Next up was an interview segment with Christopher Daniels. With him being pushed down the card and eventually let go by TNA, it’s easy to forget what a great promo this guy can give when he’s on form. This also goes for Davari, who was also in TNA. He hasn’t dropped the ‘hard-done-by-victim-of-racism’ type of thing he’s been doing since his WWE days, but still, he’s great on the mic.

Next up was the main event: The American Wolves versus Roderick Strong and Christopher Daniels. This was another fantastic match, probably one of the best tag matches I’ve seen in a while. These guys aren’t a bunch of spot monkeys like you get with the WWE, but have a real ring presence and excellent ring psychology. Each move seemed to have a purpose and didn’t seem to be done for the sake of doing a move that looks cool but doesn’t really fit in with the match. For such a good match, the crowd didn’t seem to be into as much as I would have expected, but what do I know, I just know what I like and what I don’t.

This match was 20 minutes long, this wasn’t a PPV or a championship match, it was just a good-length match that felt right and worked so much better than the four minutes of wrestling-lite you get with the WWE. The match was given time to evolve and develop and it really showed.

For the last minute of the match I was on the edge of my seat. Daniels tried to get the BME and Davey Richard ran up and hit Daniels with a German superplex from the top rope for a quick pin. I’d give this match four stars.

On the whole, this wasn’t a bad episode, the first match was awful, but the last two matches saved it. With no build up or hype, it’s fair to say that women’s match stole the show.

I have to say that I really like the way ROH structures its shows. They are heavy on the wrestling and there is hardly any in-ring rambling for 15 minutes. The matches are a decent length and are punctuated by old-style promos and vignettes. This gives opportunity to develop a storyline, but doesn’t turn a wrestling show into a talk show.

Review: WWE Smackdown, 14th May

This week’s Smackdown opened with a title match for the Intercontinental Championship. If evidence were ever needed that this was a mid-belt and a mid-card show, the fact that a title shot was the first match only seems to support this. The match wasn’t bad, the momentum kept slipping, but by the end of the match it was starting to look up. With some pretty mediocre high-flying cross-body moves from both guys, the match ended with a win by pin-fall, with Kofi Kingston winning. I think the thing that surprised me the most about this match was the fact that it actually lasted for 10 minutes. I can’t remember the last time I watched an episode of Smackdown where the first fifteen minutes of the show weren’t taken up by some half-arsed in-ring promo. This is good, it’s like watching wrestling again!

In a shocking, sorry, predictable turn of events, Kingston’s celebration was cut short. Who should arrive at the ring but the ‘fired’ Drew McIntyre? I know that the McIntyre getting fire is just an angle, but why did the WWE play his entrance music? This might sound obvious, but surely if you want to give the impression that someone really has been fired and has turned up to the ring unannounced, it would make sense for the sound guys not to have the fired star’s entrance theme cued. Anyway, judging by the way McIntyre was dress, a more suitable entrance theme would have been Saturday Night Fever by the Bee Gees; a medallion and some chest hair would have finished the look beautifully.

We all know that one of the most dramatic things to watch on screen is someone standing there reading something that we are not privy to, right? McIntyre handed Teddy Long a note, which I assumed was a note from McIntyre’s mother excusing him from wrestling because he is going to a disco-themed murder mystery for his her birthday. And, alas! Kofi is stripped of his title. Hahahaha! Now this is wrestling! Like a bad boy who’s had his bottom smacked, Long hands the title back to McIntyre. Hahahaha! With chants of ‘you suck’ and more boos than outside of a paedophile’s trial, Drew left with his title (the title he won and didn’t lose, boooooo – the fans on Smackdown are ‘children and ideots’). I must be a master of predicting the complexities of the Smackdown story arcs, as last week I said: “Of course, there is not a possible chance in the world that Vince McMahonn will come out next week and overturn T-Lo's ruling, is there?” I am a genius.



Next we have a small promo of World Heavyweight Champion of the world, the All-American American American, Jack Swagger overseeing some guys unloading a truck... this is wrestling.

Next up was a match between Shad Gaspard, a guy with possibly the worst name in wrestling, against Jesse Guyver. As a teenager I used to be a big fan of the anime cartoon The Guyver and was hoping that the jobber would suddenly ‘bio-boost’ and become super-powerful because of some alien bio-armour... but as the guy was already in the ring and didn’t get an entrance theme, the word jobber came to mind and my desire for some manga style battle soon came crashing back down to reality. This was basically a squash match to make Shad look dominant – it was over quite quickly and there were no surprises.

Next up we had a match which saw MVP and JTG combine their initials in a tag match against a tag team with one of the worst names in WWE history: The Dude Busters. There might be a chance that WWE is starting to push its tag team division again, let’s see how this pans out. This was actually a pretty decent match, but the result was pretty obvious (MVPJTG won).

After a short promo with Punk forgiving Gallows and Sarina for having their minds poisoned by Mysterio, the show cuts to show a bunch of trophies being set up by the ring. You know what’s coming, right? Jack Bragger... Dull, dull, dull. I can’t wait for Big Show to win the title so we don’t have to listen to this bullshit, week in, week out. Who should come in and interrupt Swagger’s little monologue? Why, of course, it’s the Big Show and he’s breaking stuff.

After some Divas stuff, Kane comes out. I was bored of Kane over a decade ago and he’s still boring. Joining him in the ring was Chavvo Guerrero. In Kane’s usual fashion, we won by utilising the Undertaker’s move-set. Dull, dull, dull.

In the main event we see Punk go against Mysterio, again. The match was run of the mill and ended with a run-in by the Straight Edge Society – including that mysterious hooded member. Over the Limit looks to be a pretty dull PPV. Punk really needs to get some more interesting angles.