TNA Final Resolution

TNA have important PPVs, and not-so important PPVs. Final Resolution, for TNA, is not an important show. This is not to say that it wasn’t an awesome show... well for the first two hours anyway.

Ink Inc. versus Beer Money

This match was for the number one contendership for the tag-titles. Beer Money are one of my favourite tag teams, if you asked me about a year ago, I probably would have said that they’re no AMW. It’s safe to say that Beer Money have surpassed AMW in terms of both quality and consistency.
This was a great opener, Beer Money have obviously learnt a lot from Ric Flair in how to bring out the best in the other competitors and make them look good in the ring. This is easily the best match that Ink Inc have ever been in and they did some really cool spots. Beer Money got the DWI on Jesse for the pin. The booking was very simple, Beer Money got heat, Ink Inc made a comeback, Beer Money got a clean wi. There was no run-ins, no Bischoff, no bullshit, and it was a really solid opener.

Match rating: ***½

Tara versus Mickie James – falls count anywhere.

Before this match started something confused me. Instead of interviewing Tara or Mickie about the match that they were about to compete in, they decided to interview someone who wasn’t even in the match, Madison Rayne. This struck me as a bit dumb, but hey, it’s TNA and TNA doesn’t seem to meld well with logic at times.
The match was falls count anywhere, so the basically beat the crap out of each other around the building. For a women’s match, and for a falls count anywhere match, this wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. I actually quite liked some of the bits in this match and thought that it didn’t go on for too long. There wasn’t much of a story to the match, and it really reminded me of the Kevin Sullivan/Chris Benoit feud from January/February 1997 where they would brawl around the building and end up with on of them getting pinned on the toilet floor. See if this structure sounds familiar: brawl in-ring, brawl ring-side, brawl in crowd, brawl backstage, brawl in toilets.
The match ended with Tara getting the pin on James on the men’s (yes, the men’s) toilet floor after Rayne burst out of a cubicle and sprayed James with a fire extinguisher. I’m so glad Rayne happened to pick the same toilet that Tare and Mickie were going to brawl into.
The match was a bit more entertaining than I’ve described, and seeing the people run scared out of the toilets was pretty funny.
Match rating: ***

Robbie E versus Jay Lethal – X Division title
Coming into this match, the stipulation seemed completely fucking dumb to me. It was a standard match, with Cookie being put in a shark cage and hoisted up over the ring. Don’t ask me why, it was fucking stupid. As the match started, Cookie refused to get into the cage and then as Lethal and Robbie started to wrestle, she headed towards the back, thus rendering the stipulation even more stupider (shut up, I know stupider’s not a real word)... but... who should come out but Sharkboy! I’m not kidding you, this guy’s not been on TV for about 2 years, and suddenly he turns up to put Cookie in the cage. As I’m writing this, my bullshit detector is going haywire, but I marked out when Sharkboy came out, so fuck you.
On the whole, this was a pretty decent match with a bullshit ending. Even though Cookie was suspended in the cage, she threw a chain down to the ring, which Hebner got rid of, she then threw out a can of spray for Robbie to use. Instead, Lethal used it and got DQed. Some of the crowd were chanting “you screwed Jay” – Jay cheated you fucking thicktards, the ref did the right thing. The cage didn’t work and Jay looked like a dick, way to put over your babefaces TNA.
The cage got lowered and Cookie slapped Sharkboy, Sharkboy then put Cookie in the Stunner. I hope this means Sharkboy will be on Impact... Shell yeah!

Match rating: ***

Rhino versus RVD – First blood
Again we had another interview with someone who wasn’t even in a match, this time Tommy Dreamer. He said something like “Ten years ago, Rhino broke RVD’s leg, and they became great friends”, okay... He also looked fucking stupid.
This match was one hell of a mixed bag; it in a constant flux between being awesome to being a train-wreck. There were some crazy spots, RVD did the Van Terminator, he also botch a number of spots and you could clearly see Rhino’s blade-job had started to bleed before RVD hit him for the blow that got the win. For future reference, this is how a good ending to match should look (they don’t need to have a guy getting a bin kicked into his face, but you get what I mean).
Again, it was a clean win, there was no run-ins, no bullshit, and even though there was some shakey moments and a couple of botches, it was a great match. In fact it’s probably the cleanest first blood match I think I’ve ever seen.

Match rating: ***½


AJ Styles versus Doug Williams – TV title
I’m starting to get confused now, this time to build up the match, a promo was given by Kaz... three times? Really? This is so dumb, it’s not even funny.
In the next few weeks I’ll be looking back over the year at some of my favourite matches. I’ve pretty much got a top ten, but this match has thrown a spanner into the works. I can’t believe how good this match was. There was no bullshit booking, the finish was clean and the match was just brilliant. Williams is one of the best and most underrated wrestlers in TNA, if not the world, and even with his achievements he doesn’t seem to get the cred with TNA he deserves. He’s held the X-Division title, the tag titles, IWGP tag titles, TV title – the only title he’s not held in the TNA Heavyweight title.
So yeah, this match was awesome, truly, truly spectacular. I hope that we have the next Impact taken up with an hour long Iron Man match between these two. Both guys just looked fantastic, Doug did his Rolling Chaos AT RINGSIDE, and beat AJ with the Styles clash (you read that right). It’s possible that this match will be looked at fondly by TNA fans in the future as one of their greatest matches before going out of business. This is what happens when you get two of the best pure wrestlers in the world going at it in a match without bullshit booking. My hat goes off for this one, this is a perfect match. AND DOUG GOT THE TITLE WITH A CLEAN, DECISIVE WIN.
Match rating: *****

Motor City Machine Guns versus Generation Me – Tag team championship TLC match
With WWE’s TLC only a week away, what better way than to show how great the competition’s PPV could be by having a TLC match. Not that I’m complaining because this was another great match. Structurally, I didn’t think that this match told much of story, but in terms of showing just how innovative Gen Me and the Guns are, this match was awesome. There was so many things in this match that I’ve not seen before, and so many sick spots that I haven’t seen in far too long (from a table atop of a ladder through table after a chair fight.) There was so much potential for these guys to get hurt in this match, but everyone could walk at the end, so it’s all good.
This match was great because it was such a contrast in styles between the last match which was a pure wrestling fan’s dream match and this which can only be described as a crazy spot-fest.

Match rating: ****

At this point, you could have turned off your TV and walked away knowing that you’d seen one of the best PPVs TNA have ever done and is by far the PPV of the year. Unbeknownst to me, I carried on watch. It felt it was like on an old Western where they would have a train hurtling towards a broken bridge... the last three matches were like those final seconds when the driver can see straight down into the abyss (geddit?).

Abyss versus Pope – casket match

It’s 2010 and we’re still having casket matches? Not only are we having casket matches, we are having casket matches that MAKE NO FUCKING SENSE. Since when has Abyss (or is it Pope? I’ve no fucking idea) been into coffins? Who gives a shit about this feud?
This match was stupid, and rubbish, and irresponsible. They did a spot where Abyss did a back-breaker on Pope onto the casket – the exact spot that broke Shawn Michaels’ back and had him out of WWF for four years. Pope then didn’t sell this at all and went on to do some drop kicks and life up a guy who weighs “in excess” of 350 lb. But the stupidity doesn’t end there! Abyss gets put in the casket and instead of shutting the lid from the ring apron, decides to get out of the ring, slowly stroll round the casket and close the lid. Abyss punches through the end of the casket and grabs Popes balls and pulls him into the box... later in the match Abyss got the win with another cock-based move, this time kicking Pope in the “yam bag region” and choke-slamming him into the coffin for the win.
This match was shit.
Match rating: ½

Jeff Jarrett versus Samoa Joe – submission match

One of the most entertaining things on recent Impact has been Jeff Jarrett’s MMA stint. I especially loved him making young children tap out of submission holds. This storyline is obviously a joke storyline and is more about Jarrett’s delusional personality than anything else. So why the hell Joe was humouring an MMA-style meet up with the ref prior to the match, made no fucking sense. During this segment, Gunner and Murphy came out and waved nightsticks over Joe’s leg, which if you believed the commentary had actually hurt Joe. I’ve got eyes, they’re not very good eyes, but damn it, those sticks went nowhere near to Joe.
They were clearly trying to work an MMA style match in this one, and to some extent it worked. Joe came down to the ring with his injured leg, the match started and Joe went into guard on his back and dared Jarrett to come near him. He did a few times and Joe got in some submission moves. They did some ground-and-pound style stuff and more submissions, then there was the finish... Jarrett tapped-out, but it was outside of the ring... Jarrett tapped-out, but his foot was under the rope... then Gunner and Murphy did a run in and Jarrett got the ankle lock for the win.
This was such a great feud when it started, and now it looks like a deflated balloon. Stupid booking, pointless ending and so much of the story made no fucking sense.

Match rating: *


Matt Morgan versus Jeff Hardy – TNA world championship, no DQ with Anderson as guest ref.

This match had bullshit written all over it from the outset and it didn’t disappoint (well it did disappoint; this match was TNA at its worst). This match was shit and Jeff seemed to be off his tits, botching almost every move he did. Morgan kicked out of a bunch of Twist of Fates, Morgan hurt his knee trying to kick Hardy. Jeff then tried to get counted out, in a no DQ match, Anderson counted to 9 then stopped and went after Hardy to drag that sucker back in the ring, probably because he’s an asshole or something. Morgan got the pin and Anderson did a fair count, Hardy got the pin and Anderson wouldn’t count. There was a ref bump, an Morgan got the pin, but oh no! The ref was out on the floor. How to solve this? Enter Bischoff with a new ref in tow. Bischoff then threw Anderson into the ring post. He then threw the new ref into the ring, but wait, Matt Morgan still has the cover! Bischoff pulled the new ref away (thank God!). Jeff hit another botched Twist of Fate and got the win. What a shit main event.

Match rating: 0

Seriously, you should watch this PPV, but pretend that the Guns/Gen Me match is the main event, you will not be disappointed.

PPV rating: ***
2 hour PPV rating: ****½

Socko's TNA No Surrender predictions revisited

It's that time again, let's see how I did:

Velvet Sky vs. Madison Rayne

I predict Velvet will win. There will be some interference by Tara, but this will be stopped by Angelina, giving Velvet the win and reigniting the Tara/Angelina feud.

1/1 - On the money on this one. This wasn't a bad match for these two and I quite like Madison Rayne's new ring gear. Also good to see original BP back together, Velvet and Angelina are pretty witty when they're bouncing off each other in promos.

Rhino vs. Abyss

This has the postential to be a pretty nasty match. No DQ, falls count anywhere, could be messy. Abyss to win.

This match supassed my expectations. When it began, I found the backstage brawling to be a bit dull, but the rest of the match was pretty decent. I particularly enjoyed seeing Rhino run into a guard rail. Ouch!

Abyss won, that's 2/2

Douglas Williams (c) vs. Sabu

This match seems to have come from nowhere. I like Doug and Sabu in equal measures (actually, I prefer Sabu from about 13 years ago), but I think Sabu will win.

I got this one wrong, but I'm glad I was, Doug Williams is one of my favourites in TNA at the moment. This match was pretty good, some cool stuff with tables and chairs as you'd expect from Sabu, good to see this with Doug's style.

2/3

Sting and Kevin Nash vs. Jeff Jarrett and Samoa Joe

Who cares? I mean, what's going to happen? What's a stake? Who are the good guys and bad guys? What are they fighting about? Joe and Jarrett to win.

As expected, Joe and Jarrett won AND NOTHING WAS EXPLAINED OR ELABORATED UPON. Joe was on fire and stopped this one from being a stinker. Good one, Joe. My theory about this whole Sting/Jarrett feud is actually going to come to a head at Bound for Glory - I hope I'm wrong about what I think's going to happen. Hogan will come out, donning his black beard look and say that the nWo have taken over TNA, that it was all a big deception, blah blah. BFG is going to be at Dayyona Beach, the same place that Hogan turned heel and the nWo was born... I really hope I'm wrong.

3/4

A.J. Styles vs. Tommy Dreamer

Where has an I quit match come from? You don't do an I quit match on their first PPV, way to kill off a feud. The I quit match is like a last resort match after a feud has been running over a few PPVs, for fuck's sake. AJ to win, please.

Really enjoyed this match, didn't get the thing with the fork, but it was still decent. Tommy Dreamer actually seemed like a force to be reckoned with in this one and did some great submission moves with a steel chair.

AJ won, therefore 4/5

The Motor City Machine Guns (c) vs. London Brawling

Guns will probably win this, but I'd quite like to see London Brawling get the gold only for the Guns to get it back at Bound for Glory after a vicious and nasty feud over the next few weeks... this won't happen though, so I'll say Guns.

I couldn't have been more wrong. The match ended up being the Young Bucks versus MCMG. There were some crazy moves going on, and bodies were flying all over the place. My only criticism is that it wasn't as good as some of their matches in PWG.

4/6

Kurt Angle vs Jeff Hardy

Hmmm, I wonder...

This was a great match. They managed to give the match drama even though it was always going to be a squash match... or was it? In the long-run it will be, but the match was declared a no contest, me predicts some more matches over the next few week, hopefully a best of 3. I really don't want to see a 3-way for BFG.

This was the best match of the evening and should have been at the end.

This had the potential to be TNA's match of the year, quite easily, were it not for the retarded booking. Firstly, I don't recall them saying that there would be a 20 minute time limit at the start of this match. Secondly, if there NEEDS TO BE A WINNER THEN DON'T HAVE A FUCKING TIME LIMIT. After the first overtime, Bischoff adds another 5 mins (fucking pointless) then they got to the end of the time limit. Angle had been busted wide open, brother, and the medics declared that he was too injured to carry on. Bare in mind that only a few matches before a match wasn't stopped when AJ went Abdulla the Butcher on Dreamer with a fork. This is where it gets interesting. If Kurt Angle CAN'T GO ON, then in any other fighting sport (boxing/MMA/fuckning curling) Angle would lose. Fair enough, this isn't a real sport, so let's look at pro wrestling history, in Wrestlemania 4 (might be 5, one of the early ones) there was a no contest and BOTH competitors lost. Obviously you can't take away what Hardy and Angle were doing because it was awesome, but the booking was terrible. Rant over.

4/7

Mr. Anderson vs. D'Angelo Dinero

Anderson will win, just to get him versus Angle at BFG.

As predicted. The match wasn't bad, just didn't compare to the previous match. Again TNA blew its load too early.

5/8 - not bad. Fourtune swept the board.


PPV rating: ****

So, we're now on the road to Bound for Glory. I predict injuries preventing Hardy and Angle from competing for the final position, therefore, the main event will be Hardy/Anderson/Angle. This could be a smart move, here's why: Anderson could turn heel, fuck around with Angle/Hardy, say he was just being an asshole, blah blah. Then during the match, Anderson will get the pin on Hardy, but only by cheating. Angle getting the belt being the most obvious thing in the worl is swerved, and Kurt Angle wouldn't lose, he would just not win. Angle is so pissed by the screwjob/cheating that he doesn't retire. So we have Anderson getting the belt and a great feud reemerging between Angle and Anderson.

TNA: The whole F'ing Show - predictions revisited.

A few days ago I made my predictions for The Whole F’ing Show. Let’s see how I did:

Kurt Angle vs AJ Styles
“With the career stip, this match is pointless. I don’t care, this angle would have been much better had Angle worked through the ranks, had a few bumps along the way. I’ve said it before, they’re just a bunch of elaborate squash matches. Angle to win.”

I enjoyed this match, AJ and Angle always put on a great match together. But because of the career stip on all of Angle’s matches the result was obvious and therefore there was no drama. This could have been an awesome angle if they had done it right, idiots.
I’d give this match **** if it were not for the fact that all of these matches are positions for an Angle win, therefore: ***.
That’s 1/1 on the predictions...

Madison Rayne vs Angelina Love Knockout's Title
“If it’s not Angelina I’ll be pissed. Rayne is shit. I assume that TNA will swerve revealing the mysterious biker, though I’m pretty convinced it’s either Tara or Alyssa Flash (I would prefer the latter, that bitch is mean).”

Talk about being on the money. We got Angelina for the win and TNA swerved revealing the biker (though the crowd were chanting ‘Tara’ when she arrived).
**½, not a bad match, but the biker angle is starting to wear a bit thin.
2/2

Mr. Anderson vs Matt Morgan vs The Pope
“Pope really needs the win here, but this is TNA so I’m gonna go with Matt Morgan.”

Pope really needed this win, but because it’s TNA the winner was fan *ahem* favourite, Matt Morgan. The build-up to this match sucked, the match was pretty poor and the winner just struck me as retarded.
**
3/3 woop woop!

Jeff Hardy's Open Challenge
“I think that this will probably be either the debut of an ex-WWEer such as Shelton Benjamin, or more likely (this is TNA remember) they’ll get some crap undercard guy, maybe Shannon Moore or Suicide. Either way, Jeff to win.”

For fuck’s sake, I was joking about Shannon Moore. That was my nomination for worst case scenario. Let’s step back and look at this. I’m going to cut and paste the roster from Wikipedia and leave the ones who could have done this instead of Moore.


Amazing Red
Brian Kendrick
Desmond Wolfe
Douglas illiams
Eric Young
Hernandez
Homicide
y Lethal
Jeremy Buck
Jesse Neal
Kazarian
Kevin Nash
Magnus
Max Buck
Orlando Jordan
Rob Terry
Samoa Joe
Shark Boy
Sting
Suicide


Looking at the list, the only people who I’d rather see Shannon Moore versus Hardy more than is Rob Terroid, Kevin Nash and maybe Orlando Jordan... No wonder they didn’t reveal it beforehand, no one would have watched it.
Piss poor match, loads of their spots looked really contrived, they were out of time, and they just weren’t very convincing. Still, at least I was right about Jeff Hardy winning.
*
4/4

MCMG versus Beer Money
“Guns have got to win this and I think it will be one of the best matches of the night, if not the year.”

I was right, this was an excellent match and the the Guns retained the strap. This match proved why the Briscoes and the Kings of Wrestling need to go to TNA: TNA do tag-team better than anyone else at the moment.
****½
5/5 – holy shitting Christ, almost a full house... let’s see how I do in the main event.


Rob Van Dam vs Abyss Stairway To Janice Match for the TNA Heavyweight Title
“This match will be shit and RVD will hold on to the strap.”
Wow, TNA perhaps made the most obviously booked PPV (though not really a PPV) ever! This match was shit and RVD kept the strap and there was absolutely no point in Bischoff being ref...
**
6/6 – bang bang! I am Vince Russo!

The ending to The Whole F’ing Show looked pretty promising, with what can only be described as a reverse-invasion angle. Fortune plus Doug Williams and Morgan came in the ring and went to town on the old ECW guys. When I was watching the promo with Dreamer, my mate was saying, “switch it off, this is shit, or at least fast forward” – then the lights went out... “Sting? Sandman?” I’ll admit, this took me by surprise and was pretty entertaining. Hopefully RVD’s injuries are so serious that he will never be in TNA again, hopefully Sabu will stick around and kick some ass (though I didn’t like the fact he ‘broke character’ to do a promo).

Overall, this was an entertaining show. The Angle/AJ and Beer Money/MCMG stopped it from being shit.

*** overall

Next: Summerslam....

That Clown from Outta Town - August 5th iMPACT

Another week, another iMPACT.

I'm looking forward to the MCMG v Beer Money match. Kinda curious about the Jay Lethal v Ric Flair street fight too. Let's hope they actually start with wrestling today. Also, announcing the matches for Hardcore Justice would be nice.

2:49 - Dreamer's on his way to the ring...but dressed to chat, not wrestle. Please don't cry again, Tommy.
6:14 - Best Raven promo ever.
7:19 - FOLEY FOLEY FOLEY
7:44 - Special ref? He's not going to wrestle :'(
9:21 - Knockouts, fast forwarding
10:58 - Oh wait, Hamada...watching.
15:46 - Ref bump...ffs TNA stop with the ref bumps
16:24 - Not the greatest match - Lacey is improving, but she's still too green for TV. Still, new champs so we'll be seeing more of Hamada - the best Knockout.
17:17 - AJ v Rob Terry again - after Rob destroyed Kaz last week in under 30 seconds, we might be seeing two championship changes in as many matches...
18:13 - And as soon as I hear AJ's music, anything seems possible. I love that tune. I was Audiosurf world champion for AJ's theme tune - true story. AJ to retain.
22:42 - AJ got battered, but pulled it out in the end. I love that 450 splash.
24:35 - Angle v AJ - Can't fucking wait
26:02 - Woop woop, Ultimate X coming up :D
27:35 - FFS, TNA - you say Ultimate X is up next, then cut to the Beautiful People scrapping backstage...NOBODY CARES
27:44 - "Trust my ass"...great promo, Velvet.
28:13 - IT'S TIME
32:26 - Bell finally rings...
39:57 - 2nd best huricarana ever.
41:36 - Sliced Bread on the apron...fucking hell
42:26 - Awesome, awesome match. TNA can really pull it out when they want to.
43:00 - What better way to follow that great match than a Bischoff promo? FFS
45:20 - Wow, Hogan looks tired
46:05 - Oh FFS, Bischoff is special ref in the Janice on a pole match
46:41 - Looks like Hard justice is just going to be the special iMPACT next week...so I'm guessing no TNA matches whatsoever at Hardcore Justice :D
51:30 - Sting and Nash kicking ass...finally, the one guy who was kicking the shit out of Bischoff on a regular basis is back :D
53:52 - Pope v Jordan...this could be good.
55:53 - What the fuck.
62:38 - Streetfight time :)
64:24 - It's weird how the Angle angle has gone from Angle saying 'If I lose, it may be my last match' to 'If Angle loses, he MUST RETIRE'...
70:56 - Ridiculous match - it ended up with Flair wearing one sock, one shoe and pants...nothing else. He even got his arse out. FFS. Aside from that, not a bad match though.
73:24 - RVD v Jerry Lynn is the Hardcore Justice main event :D
76:33 - So...you've got RVD, Tommy Dreamer, Raven and Abyss in one match...and they don't book it as a hardcore match. FFS TNA.
81:36 - FUCK YEAH SANDMAN

Awesome iMPACT, main event was a bit shit but apart for that great. MCMG v Beer Money was the highlight, for the 4th week running. Can't wait for PPV.

They only announced 2 matches for Hardcore Justice, I think most of the people showing up are going to be a surprise...I'd love to see Tajiri v Super Crazy, but that's probably the least likely match possible. This is going to be awesome.

That Clown from Outta Towan - iMPACT July 7th 2010

Another week, another iMPACT. To be honest, I can't remember a thing about last week's show, other than there's going to be an ECW-style PPV.

I'm hoping for a few details/matches to be revealed. I'm hoping Tommy Dreamer doesn't cry again.

I also hope they start with wrestling.

0:09 - Tommy on the mic again...
2:26 - They're giving Bubba a mic :D
7:21 - Bubba's promising fire :D
8:00 - Oh god, here comes Hogan to ruin the moment
11:17 - Phew, Abyss is here to save us from Hogan
11:55 - Looks like ECW weren't 'they' after all
14:17 - Looks like Dreamer v Abyss tonight :D Shame Dreamer's gonna get whooped - he's injured so this is probably how they're going to explain him not wrestling at the PPV.
16:37 - Knockouts...fast forwarding. I've given them plenty of chances, and regretted it every time.
22:10 - Eric Young's back...tagging with Orlando Jordan...TNA must really hate this guy's career. Jordan seems to have toned down his act considerably though, which can only be a good thing.
28:33 - The less said about that match the better.
29:54 - Flair v Lethal in a street fight? I was dubious last time, and it was a good match...but still, I'm dubious again.
33:58 - Global Championship is now the TV Title :) 2nd time the fucking thing's been renamed...
35:44 - Woop, Angle's here :D
36:40 - FUCK YEAH ANGLE v AJ :D
37:17 - Beer Money v Guns...this should be good, they've been owning it up for weeks. MCMG are clearly gonna win though.
39:28 - They're bothering with tagging in a cage match??
46:06 - That was awesome...best one of the series so far :) Looking forward to next week...
46:43 - Ugh, Anderson
46:57 - Oh wait, Matt Morgan...still ugh.
53:29 - Best low blow ever.
59:02 - Rob Terry just beat Kaz in under 30 seconds...fucking disgraceful.
60:27 - Anderson & Hardy v TNA Security is just silly...
66:33 - Ugh, Bischoff
20:05 - Yay, Abyss :) Please kill Bischoff with your pointy stick
70:23 - Nailboard ladder match haha
72:03 - Abyss was going to kill Bischoff, and RVD saved him, but RVD is a face and Abyss is a heel...that makes no sense at all. Anyone trying to kill Bischoff is ok in my book.
83:28 - Dreamer v Abyss was nothing to write home about...looks like it's Raven v Dreamer at the PPV though.

Overall, a very mediocre iMPACT. It was basically just the MCMG v Beer Money match, and nothing else interesting or significant. It wasn't terrible, it just wasn't good either

That Clown from Outta Town - July 15th 2010 iMPACT

I'm looking forward to this one - the PPV was, for me, a complete overachiever and much more fun than it looked on paper. I'm actually interested in the fallout from some of the matches this month.

Looking forward to finding out what happens next, primarily with the Lethal/Flair situation as well as the 3D angle. Lethal v Flair was much better than I expected (I was expecting it to be about as good as Orlando Jordan v Ultimate Warrior...). I'm also looking forward to the new rankings, since they actually have an impact on the next PPV - at least, they have an impact on the main event. I'm expecting either Joe or Abyss to be #1 contender, but TNA likes throwing curveballs so who knows.

As always, I hope they start with wrestling. But if they start with the rankings, I'll let them off.

00:30 - They mentioned the Joe/Wolfe thing...a feud looks slightly more likely now than 30 secs ago :)
1:25 - Settle the controversy over the tag titles? What controversy, MCMG clearly won, despite the ridiculous finish and restart which really didn't improve the match one bit...unless that's the controversy. But did anyone actually want Beer Money to beat MCMG? I'd be surprised to find out they did.
1:28 - Ladies streetfight - I won't be fast forwarding that one.
1:55 - Rankings
2:30 - Yup, Abyss at #1...the only real surprises are that Joe is only at #4, Lethal has made it up to #5, and Rob Terry is back in the top 10. I don't get why Angle goes up one place per match, while the rest of the roster fly up and down the ladder seemingly at random. Probably best not to think about it (which is the TNA fan's mantra, as we all know)
2:48 - Haha, Abyss is about to beat up a leg of beef...I'd love to see the meeting where they came up with that one
4:58 - Abyss has named his 'girl' Janice
5:39 - Hahaha, Abyss was hitting the beef and snapped Janice in half...hahaha
6:43 - Abyss is now making out with the beef...
7:07 - Looks like the streetfight's just gonna be a backstage brawl
7:57 - How come they know there's a fight going on, they managed to get a cameraman there to film it, but didn't get any security or anything to break it up? Probably best not to think about it.
10:50 - MCMG and Beer Money are going to have a best of 5 series?? Christ...TNA needs more tag teams.
12:58 - This streetfight is bad, and I want it to end.
13:17 - Cool, it's over...
14:31 - God, Bischoff's secretary...Bischoff can't be far away...
14:55 - Everyone cheering when Nash came in makes it look like a fucking sitcom
15:57 - Non-title I Quit match...so Kendrick's gonna win, obviously.
19:38 - Never seen that Monkey-Flip-into-Boston-Crab before...fucking awesome.
22:25 - Good match while Doug had momentum, but a terrible ending - how come Kendrick is suddenly able to submit Doug in like 30 seconds?
24:54 - Jarret's stopping a beatdown D: Fucking Jarrett
25:14 - Or maybe he'll batter Jarrett instead.
28:37 - Chelsea still exists :(
28:50 - Christ, now Wolfe gets to job to Rob Terry...they must really hate him backstage to lumber him with this shit and ignore his obvious talent
29:25 - FUCK YEAH SAMOA JOE - I guess it's a 3-way?
29:38 - KILL THEM BOTH JOE THEN START ON THE AUDIENCE - KILL EVERYTHING THAT MOVES
30:34 - Wow, Brutus Magnus is back...maybe to team with Wolfe? I hope not, I want Wolfe v Joe at the PPV
31:37 - Is it me, or has Magnus stolen Christian's look?
34:04 - That kick by Terry wasn't even close
34:11 - Joe's kick landed though :D
34:20 - AND JOE FUCKING WINS FUCK YEAH
35:29 - Ladder match up next...maybe this best of 5 thing might turn out ok.
35:59 - I'm 90% sure Flair is going to try and recruit Lethal as the first member of Fortune.
43:03 - Sabin just failed to run up a ladder...that'll be on Botchamania
43:10 - Holy shit, what an awesome clothesline
45:55 - This match is awesome
47:34 - That was actually a pretty decent screwjob...
48:21 - Abyss has a new Janice...
48:36 - Matt Morgan v Pope. Who knows if it'll be any good or not?
52:28 - Angle v Hernandez? I hope they Wolfe it and don't take it to PPV...
51:29 - Pope beats Morgan in under 3 minutes...what the fuck. I've seen highlight reels which were longer than that match.
53:17 - Anderson coming in for the save on Pope...that's a pretty smart way of having the two make up, didn't see that coming...and explains why the match was so short.
56:21 - Warning, Knockout on the mic...
57:52 - Madison is threatening to sue TNA if she doesn't get her belt back...I hope she sues, I'd rather watch a long, boring and complicated court case than another Madison Rayne match.
63:27 - There's too many mystery people in TNA...the mystery biker (looks like it could be Alyssa Flash), and Abyss' 'Them'...one is enough.
64:59 - Lethal v Hardy, should be good :)
65:13 - Lethal's still wearing his 'I love Hogan' red and yellow outfit...looks more ridiculous that the Black Machismo outfits, except this time it's not on purpose.
66:02 - Admittedly, it looks better without the robe...I guess it's just the robe I don't like.
68:28 - Fans chanting ECW again...sigh
70:50 - MCMG v Beer Money in a street fight next week :)
71:12 - Cool, Hernandez v Angle on iMPACT...they're gonna Wolfe it :D
71:34 - An ok match, nothing hugely inspiring...shame Jay didn't get the win.
72:16 - Fortune announcement...AJ and Kaz first members...but here comes Wolfe
73:31 - And here comes Abyss...the last ten minutes are going to be a clusterfuck, apparently.
79:40 - FUCK YEAH FOLEY IS BACK
79:57 - ECW INVASION :D
82:18 - This is mental
83:54 - Dixie invited the ECW guys...that makes no sense, if she's in charge why didn't she tell anyone so that this exact thing didn't happen? Probably best not to think about it.

This was a pretty ok iMPACT, they seemed to forget about all of the plot threads they left hanging at the PPV but there were some pretty decent matches. MCMG v Beer Money stole the show, I'm glad to see Foley back (and I'm sure Socko is too), Joe won (after losing 2 matches in a row...that's a long streak of losses for Joe), Abyss beating up a cow's leg was funny as fuck...nothing else hugely significant happened.

Most of the matches were a decent length for once (or at least seemed to be), which was nice to see. TNA really needs to work on storytelling though - their angles just aren't captivating at all right now. If they get the storytelling right, they have easily enough talent to be fucking awesome. A lot of the problem is inconsistency - they'll leave an angle on a cliffhanger, then not mention it for a few weeks by which point nobody cares any more. If they followed up straight away, then people would be more interested. But still, a definite improvement on the last few weeks.

Review: TNA Victory Road PPV

The build-up to most of the matches on the Victory Road card was pretty decent, almost all of the matches, apart from the AJ/Kaz versus mystery tag-team made sense, but something about the storytelling has meant that the only matches I give a shit about is the Guns versus Beer Money and Kendrick versus Williams.

In the first match we had Doug Williams defending his X-Division title against Brian Kendrick. The match was set to win by submission or Ultimate X. This stipulation is typical of TNA, but made for a pretty interesting match. The storyline for the match was essentially that Doug Williams had to conquer his fear of heights to get the belt from the Ultimate X. The match built up really well, with the beginning of the match featuring a lot of submission moves, it then built up to some higher-risk moves, culminating in scramble up the Ultimate X. I’m not sure whether it was an angle, but it seemed that Kendrick hurt himself pretty badly in this one. During the match Kendrick landed badly outside of the ring and it seemed like Williams was buying him some time to recover. At the climax of the match, both competitors fell down from the Ultimate X, and looking at the footage, it looked like Kendrick landed on his head and was knocked out. Williams put him in a chokehold from behind and got the submission. On the whole, this was a great match, given the time it deserved to develop, but the ending felt rushed, and rightly so if Kendrick had been hurt.

Next up was a brilliant promo by Bubba Ray. He was intense and angry. I loved the bit where he said to Christie: “Jesse’s a failure, just like your edition of Playboy”, he then goes on to berate Christie, asking her if she’s going to cry. And for a moment, it looked like she was going to. Hilarious. This promo led into the match between Ray, Devon and Jesse. This may win the award for the stupidest start to a match in TNA history: Ray enters. Ray hides. Jesse enters. Jesse doesn’t notice that nobody is in the ring. Jesse gets jumped from behind. Devon’s music plays. Devon doesn’t enter. The camera cuts to show a plank of wood nailed across Devon’s dressing room. Who was the culprit, I hear you cry? Well it makes no sense for it to be Ray, because he made the match. It makes no sense for it to be Jesse, because Devon has been standing up for Jesse. The only person it could be is Shannon Moore. And lo! He enters. And lo! He goes. Devon manages to break the piece of wood. Devon enters the ring. Devon went after Ray. Ray got the pin on Devon. Shit shit shit match, angle, everything. Maybe with Batista leaving WWE, TNA want to bring him in so Devon can be a preacher again? I fucking hope not. Don’t split up the Dudleys, they are worth more than their sum of parts.

Next up was the Knockouts title between Madison Rayne Angelina Love. This was a career match for Angelina with the stipulation that she would automatically get the title if there was outside interference by any other members of the Beautiful People. What a stupid angle. Of course, that wasn’t where the stupidity ended. Firstly, Madison Rayne’s ring attire was some flesh-coloured underwear. And Secondly, a woman, dressed all in black leather and black helmet rode her motorbike to the ring and interfered with the match. Now, I’m pretty sure that the mysterious woman was not one of the BP, and I’m basing this purely on the fact that she didn’t have big enough tits. With the interference, Rayne was disqualified and the title handed to Angelina. With the woman on the bike not being one of the BP, I’m sure this will create some situation next Impact where Rayne comes out and says that it wasn’t one of the BP, but rather someone else (Tara? Alyssa Flash? Maybe?) Thus, she did not break the rules and gets her title back. Rayne hopped on the back of the bike and the mysterious stranger drove away... It’s good to know that a mysterious stranger can get into a live wrestling pay-per-view and drive a motorbike to the ring.

After the thrill and excitement, we cut to a promo with Mr Anderson, who was trying to illustrate a point with a butt-cheek analogy. He wanted Christie to help out, but she was a spoilsport and said no. I’m sure that with the dress she was wearing that this analogy would have looked particularly good. But what can you do?

Next up we had Kaz and AJ versus a mystery tag team. If I was doing a Clown type of review I’m sure it would go something like this:
44:27 - I’ve got a bad feeling about this...
44.40 - Please be Gen Me
45:38 – FFS Rob Terry? SERIOUSLY, WHAT THE FUCK?
46:09 - Why is AJ afraid of Rob Terry?
46:19 - FUCK YEAH. JOE JOE JOE JOE.
This was pretty much my reaction to the start of this match. Talk about a fucking mismatch. You’ve got Joe, who is probably one of the best workers in the company teamed up with Terry, who is probably one of the worst. The match was basically about how Kaz and AJ resolved their differences. Luckily, Joe did most of the work for him and Terry, with Terry coming in to do a few power moves and then going back to the ropes. Joe was brutal throughout. Once AJ and Kaz started working together, Terry came in and threw them around a bit and they both sold like crazy. We then had a run-in by Wolfe who helped AJ and Kaz to get the pin on Terry. What came next was the best bit of the match in my humble opinion. As Wolfe was celebrating with AJ and Kaz, Joe came into the ring and put Wolfe into the Muscle Buster. PLEASE BE THE START OF AN AWESOME FEUD.

Next up was Hernandez versus Matt Morgan in a steel cage match. What I liked about this was that it wasn’t a steel cage match with a stupid stipulation (falls count anywhere cage match at Lockdown anyone?) No laws of wrestling logic were circumvented. It was a simple get out of the cage by the door or climb over the top. The in-ring stuff wasn’t bad, but I had no emotional attachment whatsoever to this match. I really didn’t give a shit which one won. It was a feud which wasn’t really a feud. The breakup of their tag team was done poorly and the rest of their battle limped along like some fat goose with smashed up feet. The match itself wasn’t too bad. It did seem throughout that they were saying “Look! We do blood!” Morgan bled quite early, then showed Hernandez’s blood to the camera on his hands. A few times during this match Hernandez botched up a Border Toss, probably because Morgan is one tall fucker. We then had Hernandez climb to the top of cage and rather than dropping to the other side of a win did a splash from the top, which missed. Then, in a bit which makes absolutely no sense, Morgan cuffs Hernandez to the ring ropes next to the door. Instead of going through the door, Morgan attempts to climb out of the cage. Hernandez was handcuffed, what the fuck could he really do. Whilst Morgan was perched atop of the cage, Hernandez Hulked up, brother, and speared himself out of the cage for the win. Yawn.

Next we cut to a promo with Ric Flair (wooooo!) who was giving his usual crazy-ass promo to Christie, but he came out with the line that Lethal will be so beat up afterwards that he will need breastfeeding from his mother to get over it. Ric Flair, you’re a genius. So the match started and it seems that Lethal is now the Hulk Hogan by proxy that Abyss was, coming out to generic rock music dressed in red and yellow. Hey, maybe TNA could do a storyline where Hogan gives Jay Lethal his Hall of Fame ring to give him magical powers? Anyway, this match wasn’t great, but it was much better than I thought. Flair went for 12 minutes, he didn’t look like shit and he didn’t look embarrassed. If that wasn’t amazing enough, Flair went the whole match without bleeding everywhere. The match was pretty much a tribute to Flair with him and Lethal trading chops, getting in a few back body-drops and each getting in a Figure-Four, with Jay’s getting the win. There was even a spot where Lethal pulled Flair’s trunks down at the back and we got to see Flair’s pruney butt cheeks. They show his ass, but Christie won’t indulge Anderson? This is a harsh world we live in, people. There were some great moments of antagonism between Flair and Earl Hebner. This match had an old skool feel to it, probably because there was an old man in the ring, but also struck me as pretty pointless. Ric Flair has absolutely nothing to prove, and Lethal beat up an old man. Good work.

Next up was a promo with what looked like a Pixar fish, or maybe an Avatar; it was actually Jeff Hardy. He spouted some bullshit and I can’t remember what he was going on about, but he did like a fish and that’s what’s important, right? We cut to Beer Money versus Motor City Machine Guns for the tag belts. TNA gave this match just the right amount of time (about 17 minutes) for what was my favourite match of the night. Both teams worked really well together, there was a great mix of styles and moves, and there were some great double-team moves. As with most great TNA matches, it wouldn’t be complete without a retarded moment. James Storm tried to spit beer into one of the Guns’ faces only for his plan to backfire and blind the ref. With Brian Hebner distracted, Earl decided to take charge and run in to take over refereeing. As Brian’s condition improved rather than Earl take a step back or shoo Brian away there was a double pin fall with Brian and Earl counting at exactly the same time. But who should win? It’s a title match damn it! Oh, the controversy! So with the hullabaloo still ringing in its ears, Earl, as senior official, restarts the match, which lasts for about another minute. Shelley got the pin on Roode and the Guns, yes, the Guns, are now the TNA tag team champions. If this match proves anything it is how awesome tag team wrestling can be.

Next up was Kurt Angle versus the Pope. I thought that this would probably be the best match of the night, but I was wrong. The match was okay, Angle did his usual spots: chain of German suplexes, Angle Slam and Ankle Lock to finish. This match was only about 12 minutes long, and with no build up and no feud, again, there was no emotional investment.

The main event was RVD versus Jeff Hardy, Abyss and Mr Anderson in a four-way match. This match was an anti-climax and was pretty short for a main event at 12 minutes long. There were some pretty cool spots, like a four-man suplex with RVD taking the worst of it, and then RVD taking a crazy bump off of the ramp (why are my favourite bits where RVD gets hurt?). The match was won by RVD who did his Frog Splash onto a pile of Anderson and Hardy to get the pin. Again, the in-ring stuff was fine, I just found myself not giving a shit. The only thing I wanted to see was the strap being taken off RVD, and it didn’t happen. So what has RVD actually done since coming into TNA? He practically had the title handed to him; he had no build up and has not had any feuds. All of his matches have been disappointing and he’s doing the same spots he was doing over a decade ago, only he can’t pull them off as well.

Match Ratings:

Doug Williams (winner) versus Brian Kendrick
***½

Bubba Ray (winner) versus Devon versus Jesse Neal
*½

Taylor Rayne versus Angelina Love (winner)
*

AJ and Kaz (winners) versus Joe and Rob Terry
***

Matt Morgan versus Hernandez (winner)
*

Ric Flair versus Jay Lethal
***

Beer Money versus MCMG (winners)
****

Kurt Angle (winner) versus The Pope
***

RVD (winner) versus Hardy versus Abyss versus Mr Anderson
**½

Overall PPV rating:
**½
Mediocre PPV, had some decent matches which were let down by poor storytelling.

Socko's TNA Victory Road predictions

Here are my predictions for the next TNA PPV 'Victory Road' which I will review, and no doubt eat my words, next week.

TNA WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP
Mr. Anderson vs. Jeff Hardy vs. Abyss vs. (c) Rob Van Dam

I'm hoping that Anderson will get the chapionship, however, I can see RVD retaining the title until Kurt Angle has worked his way up through the rankings. I've never liked four-way matches. Three-ways or tag matches are great, but any more than that and things just get confusing. Isn't odd that the last WWE PPV was called Fatal Four Way, and now TNA are doing one. Will they do a Money in the Bank ladder match at their next PPV?

CHALLENGE MATCH
Ric Flair vs. Jay Lethal

I can predict a Flair win, but this will be with a lot of interference from his stable. :ethal will probably get a pin, but the ref will be out or distracted or something equally lame. This match will be a stinker

CONTENDERS BATTLE
#10 Kurt Angle VS #8 “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero

No boubt that this will be at least a four-star match. Pope's great in the ring and on the mic, but I really can't see Kurt Angle losing any matches whilst working up the rankings

STEEL CAGE MATCH
Matt Morgan vs. Hernandez

I'm a bit bored of this storyline now, and if Morgan and Hernandez have proved anything, it is that they are inconsistant in the ring. This could be an awesome match, or it could be a stinker. I can see Morgan winning.


ULTIMATE X MATCH FOR THE X CHAMPIONSHIP
(Win by either Submission or claiming the Ultimate X)
Kendrick vs. (c) Douglas Williams.

I really like this angle, I really like Brian Kendrick and I really like Doug Williams. This has the potential to be an awesome match. I can see a ref bump with Williams getting put into a cobra clutch, Williams taps, but the ref is out. I then see Williams doing some kind of high-risk move of Kendrick then retaining the belt by climbing the ultimate x.

TNA WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP
Beer Money vs. The Motor City Machineguns
Hail Sabin, Motor City have to win this, it's just retarded if they don't... Oh wait, we've gor Russo and Bischoff in creative, damn it, I'll have to go with Beer Money then... but I really want the Guns to win, Alex Shelley is underrated as hell.

TNA KNOCKOUTS CHAMPIONSHIP
Angelina Love vs. (c) Madison Rayne

Wonder if it will be a career match, but then Angelina wins. I hope she does because at least she can wrestle. Not that there are any decent female wrestlers left in the KO division apart from Sarita and Taylor Wilde. This match will be piss-poor.

EDIT: Ray vs Devon vs Jesse
I'm guessing that Devon will get the pin on Jesse... TNA can't split up 3D, it's stupid if they do.

AJ and Kaz vs Mystery tag team.
Well the build up to this between AJ/Kaz and the mystery tag team make this worth watching, gonna guess the AJ/Kaz will (flips a coin) lose.



AND STILL NO JOE :(

Greatest Matches Ever! TNA: Alex Shelley vs Chris Sabin

Genesis was probably one of my favourite PPVs of 2009 and this match was one of my favourites. Alex Shelley takes on his tag team partner Chris Sabin for the X Division title. This match shows the difference that in-ring chemistry can make to a match. It might not be the greatest pure wrestling match of all time, but as a piece of choreography it is awesome.