Slammiversary podcast review

TNA - 3/3/11 - predictions

As TNA seem to be building up to an important Impact rather than PPVs, I thought I'd do my predictions for this one. Doing a quick Google search for the card, it looks like its already been taped... I'm not one of these smark fans who needs to read spoilers, so rest assured, I'm as much in the dark about the results as the average Joe. I'll admit that the match line-up is suprising... but not in a good way. Let's do this!

TNA World Tag Team Championship Match:
Beer Money vs. Gunner and Murphy

I can't believe this is a real match. How can a couple of jobbers become contenders? With the matches last summer between Beer Money and the Guns, the tag belts felt like they meant something, doing a match like this is just meaningless. If G and M win I might be done with TNA. Please be Beer Money.


Sarita vs. Velvet Sky

I've noticed that the more Velvet wrestles, the worse she gets... not sure how this is possible, maybe her plastic fun bags are slowly poisoning her brain or somethig. Velvet will win though.

Scott Steiner vs. Rob Terry

Who booked this one? Really, this might be the worst match ever. Scott Steiner is good on the mic, and is good in an enforcer type role, but he's not a great worker anymore... Rob Terroid is still shit. Hope Steiner wins though.

Matt Morgan vs. Hernandez

I thought this feud was resolved months ago? It's not going to be very good and I'm sure Hernandez will win.

TNA World Championship Match:

Jeff Hardy vs. Sting

No need for this match, at all. Sting to win, but it's going to be bad. I'm pretty sure that Sting can hardly move anymore, and Hardy's matches have been as sloppy as a diseased vagina as of late...

On the whole, there is nothing I could give a shit about in this one, and this is what has been building to for a few weeks. This will be the Impact with the wedding that's not really a wedding, and I'm not looking forward to seeing the car-crash that it will be... I predict Karen will get slmmed into the wedding cake.

They 1.0, an overview in 70 simple steps...

Looking back over the last year of TNA, I’ve come to the conclusion that the “They” storyline is one of the worst pieces of storytelling in history. There are more holes than the bible; the timeline makes less sense than if you watched an edited version of Lost where everything occurs in chronological order; and the characters are less consistent than the Tories’ deficit reduction policies (satire).
I’m going to try and outline the storyline as simply as possible and stick to only “they” relevant stuff...

1) Hogan and Bischoff debut on TNA January 4th 2010 as babyfaces.
2) Jarrett was a heel.
3) Jarrett was quickly turned babyface.
4) Eric Bischoff turned heel on Foley and Jarrett.
5) Ric Flair also debuts on TNA as a babyface.
6) Ric Flair turns heel and becomes a mentor for AJ Styles.
7) Scott Hall and Sean Waltman keep sneaking around the Impact Zone.
8) Scott Hall and Sean Waltman want to reform the band with Kevin Nash.
9) Hogan is invited to join the band, but declines.
10) Sting, meanwhile, lurks in the shadows.
11) The Montreal Screwjob is re-enacted by AJ Styles playing Michaels, Kurt Angle playing Hart, Hogan playing McMahon and an aged Earl Hebner as Earl Hebner.
12) The storyline remains unresolved to this day.
13) AJ turns heel.
14) Samoa Joe is kidnapped by ninjas.
15) This storyline remains unresolved to this day.
16) Hogan mentors Abyss.
17) Hogan gives Abyss a magical ring.
18) Abyss gains superpowers.
19) Abyssamania runs wild.
20) Hogan and Flair feud.
21) Nash turned his back on the band and turned babyface.
22) Nash briefly teamed up with Eric Young.
23) Nash turned heel and sided with the band.
24) Eric Young briefly feuds with the band.
25) Eric Young turned heel and sided with the band.
26) Scott Hall gets fired.
27) Sean Waltman gets fired.
28) Nash blamed Hogan and Bischoff for the band’s demise.
29) This storyline remains unresolved to this day.
30) Sting starts talking about deception.
31) Sting attacks Dixie Carter.
32) Sting doesn’t get fired.
33) RVD makes his debut.
34) Hogan puts RVD over as Mr TNA.
35) Mysterious attacks occur around backstage area and an Ace of Spades card is left as a calling card.
36) This storyline remains unresolved to this day.
37) RVD feuds with Sting.
38) This storyline remains unresolved to this day.
39) RVD is handed the World Title on Impact.
40) Jeff Hardy makes his debut by climbing atop of a steel cage.
41) Bischoff introduces TNA rankings.
42) Desmond Wolfe wins the vote.
43) Sting is made number one contender for the title.
44) Desmond Wolfe jobs to RVD and is made to look like a tit.
45) Samoa Joe returns on the tron looking sweaty and scared and tells us that “they” are coming. This is never mentioned again, and neither are the ninjas.
46) Around this time, Hogan and Bischoff plot to take over TNA and put together a secret group ‘The Immortals’
47) Samoa Joe returns, attacks people and gives silent promos.
48) Abyss turns heel and starts talking about “they”.
49) Nash joins Sting and talk about smoke and mirrors.
50) Jeff Jarrett feuds with Sting and Nash.
51) Sting and Nash recruit the Pope.
52) Jarrett recruits Samoa Joe.
53) Samoa Joe starts talking, the ninjas and his silence and his attacks are never mentioned again.
54) Janice makes her debut on Impact.
55) RVD retains. his title against Abyss on The Whole F’ing show with Eric Bischoff as a special guest referee.
56) Abyss mutilates RVD with Janice.
57) RVD returns a few months after making a miraculous recovery on Wolverine/Claire Bennett levels of physical impossibility.
58) TNA bring in EV2.0.
59) Hogan puts EV2.0 over.
60) Flair hates EV2.0.
61) TNA gradually get rid of EV2.0.
62) Abyss kidnaps Dixie and humiliates her.
63) Dixie signs a contract to fire Abyss.
64) RVD is forced to vacate the title.
65) This storyline remains unresolved to this day.
66) The TNA rankings are never spoken of again.
67) It is revealed that Dixie actually signed control of TNA to Hogan et al.
68) At Bound for Glory everyone turns heel.
69) Jeff Hardy becomes World Champion.
70) The next Impact is used to explain their evil plans.

I'm pretty sure I've missed stuff out, but this is a bare-bones plot outline. Hope it makes sense.

Jeff and Matt Hardy shoot on CM Punk - An analysis

I came across this video on YouTube and decided to share it and add a bit of analysis. The video show Jeff and Matt Hardy shouting off about CM Punk. They both appear to be off their mash on ecstasy pipes... let’s take a look:



JH: What’s straight edge mean again? The first straight edge world heavyweight champion. I think Christian said it best... erm... CM Punk, I think you’re a nerd.

Ooh, big scary Jeff Hardy calling Punk a nerd! This is like when Michael Cole calls Danielson a nerd, it just comes across as really kiddie. I wonder if CM Punk is crying huge tears into his glass of Pepsi Raw? Crying until his tear-ducts burn because a drug-wreck called him a nerd... Crying like a child who’s been left in a supermarket... you can play by the escalators all you want kid, but your mum’s never coming back...

JH: I get cocky every now and then, say you pay to see me, you pay to see me, but... I made CM Punk a motherfucking superstar... and that’s a fact, Jack... and I went in like this {raises middle finger]... baaaaannng!

At this point Hardy has laid it all on the line, he made Punk into a superstar, a superstar who seems to have gained his fame from copulating with his mother. Hardy then makes reference to that time when he “went in like this” and all the sycophants that surround the Hardy’s went “ooooh” like they were eleven and someone said a swear near a teacher... “oooh... you’re naughty.” On a serious note, I’m not how one would go in like that, but it seems pretty creepy to me. “Baannng!”

JH: You can’t do that shit in your company anymore, but in this world [makes a triangle with hands], you can do it all we want to. You should follow me, you should listen to my preaching because it’s gonna get you through life; it’ll make you live life the right way.

From this, it would seem that Jeff Hardy believes that triangles are banned from the WWE. The reasons for this are not explained by Hardy, but one must assume that WWE fear lawsuits for the use of triangles (though they do have the rights to use the logically impossible square-circle). I think what Hardy is saying here is that if you follow Hardy, you will transcend geometry.

JH: Your way’s not the right way, brother. That’s what’s cool about planet Earth; we’re all different. If we were all like you, man, I would rather live on Pluto.

If we were all like CM Punk, then Jeff Hardy would rather live on a fictional cartoon dog? Now, I don’t want to come across as preachy, but if you’d rather live on a cartoon dog than in a world without drugs, then maybe it’s time to consider going straight. I’m not preaching, it’s just a suggestion.

JH: You [points to the cameraman], my friend, are way too cocky; inside and outside of the ring.

At this point I would like to know who is behind the camera? And why is the cameraman so cock inside the ring as well as outside? These questions are never answered.

JH: It’s kinda strange when you go up and see your homeboys at a show... you got guys like Undertaker coming up and saying “hey Jeff, how’re you doin’, man?” all these other guys going “hey Jeff, how’s it going for you, man, you alright?” [incomprehensible] CM never even say hello to me, never did, walk away [mumbles] I just leave [mumbles] fuck that guy.

Wow, Jeff Hardy is pissed off because someone who doesn’t like him at his old work place didn’t go over to him and pretend to like him. How insecure is this guy? I’ve worked at places and have hated people, that’s part of working in a place with other people in. He then descends into the mumbling grumpiness of an old wino, no doubt reaching down to can of Special Brew for a dirty swig once the camera cuts.

JH: I just have one message for CM Punk [raises both middle fingers], fuck you.

The way Hardy delivers his swears here reminds me of someone who has just learnt a naughty word and feels assured with himself that by its mere utterance, the recipient of said swear will not be able to fathom, nigh, comprehend a word of such power and magnitude.

JH: I made you the straight edge superstar that you are, and I still don’t believe that because I think you take Ambien to go to sleep motherfucker [laughs], that’s a prescription if you didn’t know it, so hey-woah.

So hey-woah, Mr Punk, you’ve been hey-woahed, baby. Whatcha gonna do now? I feel sorry for Punk: he’s been accused of having sex with his mother, of being banned from triangles, of making Jeff want to live on a cartoon dog, of taking prescription drugs; he’s been told to fuck him, and now, with the final nail, the final barb of poison, he’s been hey-woahed... Jeff, you’ve crossed a line.

We then cut to Mr Sleepy, AKA Fat “Matt” Hardy, who somehow manages to piece together these words of wisdom in the same way a retarded kid would piece together the entrails of dead bird, believing them to be a jigsaw puzzle.

MH: I have no idea what CM Punk’s deal is with Amy Dumas.

It’s pronounced dumb ass, dumb ass.

MH: But I do know [falls asleep......wakes up] he’s a very dramatic and very emotional. Anytime she finds herself in a tough spot, I’m the guy she calls.

... and this is why CM Punk is better than you.

Booking Review for TNA Impact 09-16-10

Chris Wilson here guys, been gone for a while due to the move back to California. Now I had been watching wrestling throughout the move, just could not find time to write about it. So my first booking review in almost a month begins here at the 09/16/10 Impact. As most may know there was no TNA Impact last week(I thought it was largely due to the Saints/Vikings game). TNA....even from a booking stand point should have known that the ever so “venomous” IWC would be wide-awake at work on spoilers. And they just came off of a pay-per-view so I don’t see why they could have just shown Impact anyway. Well enough about there being no show last week; by my booking review, you might be able to understand what I’m getting at. If you don’t remember how I rate here it is for you:


I'm rating from 1 to 5, 1 being boring , 2 being lackluster, 3 being average, 4 entertaining, and 5 being must watch.










(Angle/Hardy/Bischoff/ Dixie Carter Segment)

Alrighty, Mike Tenay and Taz welcome us to the show, and you can see Jeff Hardy and Kurt Angle are already standing in the ring.(I’m actually starting to dislike the show starting off this way, it seems rushed) Eric Bischoff and Miss Tessmacher come out. Bischoff congratulated Mr. Anderson for advancing . Eric congratulated both Angle and Hardy for their match at No Surrender. Bischoff said we would have a new TNA World Heavyweight Championship at Bound for Glory. Bischoff booked Anderson vs. Angle vs. Hardy in a three way dance.Dixie Carter came out to the stage and gave props to Angle and Hardy. Dixie then overturned Bischoff’s decision and booked Angle vs. Hardy with no time limit and the winner going onto Bound for Glory to face Mr. Anderson for the title. Interesting that Dixie come out and overrides Bischoff’s decision, that might have been a shot at the IWC and alot of others that thought Hogan overriding Dixie’s suspension of Ric Flair was stupid. It’s funny that TNA spent time putting over two guys WHO ARE ALREADY OVER. Decent segment, good to hear the BFG main event wasn’t a triple threat YET. I give the booking of this segment a 3 out of 5.

(Pope Backstage)

The Pope said he wanted to talk to Bischoff. He exchanged greetings with Kevin Nash and Sting along the way. Hmmm wonder what this is about, looks like the new WolfPac needs a third man. We will see where this goes in the coming weeks. Pope backstage segment gets a 3 out of 5.

(Tommy Dreamer getting gas)



Tommy Dreamer was getting gas when approached by a cameraman, who asked him where EV2.0 goes from here. Dreamer said they might just go home. Another thing I’ve noticed, these You-Tube style segments, I have kind of coined it as a Real-TV style. Although I’m a fan of Real-TV i’m not interested in seeing Tommy Dreamer get gas. This stuff honestly needs to be on ReAction or something. I give this a 1 out of 5.


(Samoa Joe (with Jeff Jarrett) vs. Kevin Nash (with Sting)

Joe overcame some early offense by Nash with a series of kicks. Things spilled to the floor. Sting and Joe paired off, as did Jarrett and Nash. The referee reached the count of ten but the brawl continued.The brawl continued and security tried, but pretty much failed, to break it up. Interesting booking here, It seems that Kevin Nash and Sting are the key to what I’m now calling the “Deception” storyline. The match seems un-entertaining on paper, but once they get to the brawl I start to see something. It seems like Jeff Jarrett is just using Samoa Joe as a soldier, you know because Nash and Sting know something that we all don’t know. I give the booking of this match a 3 out of 5.

(Lacey Von Erich/ Madison Rayne/Tara Backstage Segment)

Lacey Von Erich was in a towel backstage. Madison Rayne and Tara approached her, saying they (Madison and Lacey) had a tag team title shot tonight. Lacey said she wasn’t sure if she was going with Velvet or Madison. They told her not to hurt herself by thinking. Are we going to see the completing the reformation of the BP’s? When did Madison Rayne and Lacey qualify for a Knockouts Tag-Title Match? And speaking of the Knockouts Tag Team Champions(Taylor Wilde and Hamada), been anyway? All this(not all of it) will be answered later. But I give the booking of this segment a 3 out of 5.

(Kevin Nash and Sting Backstage Segment)

Nash and Sting said Jarrett and Joe would not even make it to “10-10-10.” Sting said the gloves were off and he was having fun now. I don’t know why but I can’t wait until we find out what is going on with these two. And what’s REALLY going on in TNA. I give this segment a 3 out of 5.

(Jay Lethal vs Douglas Williams(c) (X-Division Title Match)

Williams outwrestled Lethal early on and scored several two counts. Williams continued to school Lethal, working on the lower back.Williams went to the top rope, but Lethal countered with a dropkick. Williams came back and tried the rolling chaos, but Lethal countered with the lethal combination for a nearfall. Jay missed the Randy Savage elbow from the top. He was able to come back and hit the lethal injection for the win…Okay I don’t watch Xplosion so I had no idea where this match came from. I’m just going to assume that Williams dropped the belt to become more involved in the EV2.0/Fortune feud at BFG. Okay booking here, but another case of TNA not building up title matches credibly. I’ll give the booking of this match a 3 out of 5.
Lethal celebrated with confetti and in the crowd with the fans. I found this to be overkill.

(Abyss Backstage)

Abyss was backstage breathing really hard and loudly. He was also dragging someone around. Who was it???? I give this a 4 out of 5. I will tell you why later

(Kurt Angle Backstage Promo)

Angle cut a promo backstage saying Hardy was a great wrestler, but he was not a champion. Kurt is the champion. He is the best. He is TNA. He will win the World Heavyweight Championship at Bound for Glory. That is real. It is damn real. Angle is definitely one of the greatest ever, I like Hardy....but from a bookers standpoint everything Angle said is true. I give this promo a 4 out of 5.

(Taylor & Hamada(c) vs Madison Rayne and Lacey Von Erich)(Knockouts Tag Titles)

Madison Rayne, Tara, and Lacey Von Erich made their entrance. Tara slapped Madison on the ass and then they kissed. Tenay and Taz were quite pleased with that.elbow more effective.Taz talked about the primal screams of Madison and asked what it must be like to wake up next to her in the morning. He then took Lacey to task for not selling a jawbreaker. “You could see that was not going to work… For Lacey.” Lacey was promptly pinned.Madison jumped into the ring and screamed her head off at Lacey. Lacey pushed Madison down and received a beat down for her troubles. Velvet Sky and Angelina Love made the save. Lacey hugged Velvet as the heels took off. Decent match by and by, I knew Lacey would get pinned and Madison would turn on her. Looks like the Beautiful People has become full-fledged faces. Good to see Taylor Wilde and Hamada back and defending the belts. Good booking. a 3 out of 5.

(Jeff Hardy Backstage Promo)

Jeff Hardy said he was happy when it was a three way, but will do what he has to do to beat Angle tonight to move onto Bound for Glory. I was surprised by that since Angle didn’t look happy at the pay-per-view or on Impact about there not being a winner or the possibility of a three way dance. I give this promo a 3 out of 5.

(Tommy Dreamer/ Fourtune/ Brian Kendrick segment)(Warning really long as it was on TV)


Tommy Dreamer came out to the ring in a suit as footage of A.J. Styles sticking a fork in his eye at No Surrender. He said he was alone without EV2.0 and asked Fortune to come to the ring. All of them, except for Williams, came to the ring. Dreamer said he was sick of his friends being hurt and was calling a truce. “This is over.” Dreamer called Fortune the future of TNA, but he was just looking for a place to call home. He put over America’s Most Wanted and Beer Money. He said James Storm had more talent in one finger than Sandman did, and Sandman was one of his best friend. He continued to compare TNA to ECW when talking to Kazarian. He said he got Kaz a job in WWE, but Kaz left because he wasn’t happy. Dreamer said Kazarian would not have had a career or met his wife had he not come back to TNA.

He said Matt Morgan was supposed to be the next Undertaker or Kane in WWE. Now, the next big guy in WWE will be called “the next Matt Morgan.” He said he offered Robert Roode a contract in the WWE, but Roode turned it down to stay in TNA. Roode is truly a mixture of Curt Hennig and Rick Rude.He moved onto to Flair and began to tear up. He said “thank you” to Flair. He said Flair wasn’t into hardcore wrestling, but he was the most hardcore of all wrestlers. He called Flair the dirtiest player in the business but corrected himself and said Flair was the business. He said when Flair called it quits, it would be the saddest day.Dreamer said Styles made Dreamer say something he had never said before, because he was the best in ring performer in the business today. He wanted to shake A.J.’s hand. Styles asked for the mic instead. He said it was commendable for Dreamer to come out and say the things he said about Fortune.

Styles called Dreamer “all heart.” The crowd agreed and chanted for Dreamer. He put over ECW without mentioning it by name. He said Dreamer never asked for respect but always seemed to get it. Styles then shook Dreamer’s hand and said Dreamer earned his respect.Styles reminded Dreamer he was the only one to make him say “I quit.” He then said he did not need Dreamer’s respect or praise. He then attacked Dreamer. The rest of Fortune did not want to attack Dreamer, but they did when A.J. yelled at them to.Brian Kendrick came out to protect Dreamer, but he took a beating as well. He was disposed of to the floor and Styles continued the attack on Dreamer. Security came down but did not want to enter the ring. Styles then said Dreamer had his truce.Kendrick took the mic and challenged one member of Fortune to fight him right now. This segment was so long, I had no idea what Brian Kendrick was saying and Dreamer constantly mentioned the WWE and ECW. But he did a good job of putting Fourtune over, that’s all that matters.... a 4 out of 5.

(Matt Morgan vs. Brian Kendrick)

Back from the commercial, The match was already in progress. Morgan wrestled in his suit. Yes, that is a purple shirt. Morgan destroyed Kendrick and got cocky. He turned his back and Kendrick hit a kick for the surprise win. Afterward, Morgan said he wasn’t ready and wrestled in a $7,500 suit. He said he wanted the loss removed from the record books. He kept saying, “Kendrick.” He then put his head in his hands. I like the Fourtune/EV2.0 feud, but Brian Kendrick really?? I definitely dub this bad booking and having Morgan lose is even worse. I give the booking of this match a 1 out of 5.

(Pope Backstage 2)

Backstage, Pope finally made it Bischoff’s office. What, did he stop and take a nap on the way there? Bischoff wasn’t there but Miss Tessmacher was. True to form, Pope sexually harassed her.
Looks like the Pope’s going to turn heel again. I’m all for it.... a 3 out of 5.

(Abyss Backstage 2)

Abyss had two people hanging around in what looked like a dungeon. He had Janice, and introduced Bob, a branding iron with “10-10-10.” He branded one of the two guys. Oh god another weapon made by Abyss....hes gone totally monster heel for sure. For Abyss’s sake “THEY” better be someone meaningful.....I give the booking of this segment a 3 out of 5.

(Rob Van Dam Speaks Segment)

Tenay and Taz interviewed Rob Van Dam on the phone. RVD said he would be back and better than ever.RVD said he still considered himself the World Champion as did the fans of the “TNA Universe.” RVD said he would be in the Impact Zone next week. Umm.... so now RVD is going to be back before BFG....booooooo!!!!! a 3 out of 5.

(Generation ME Promo)

Generation Me came to the ring. They put over how they put Alex Shelley out of action. They were not there to pay dues. They called out Chris Sabin to hand over the TNA Tag Team Championships. Sabin beat the crap out of G-Me, but the two on one advantage was too much. They double DDTed Sabin while he was hanging from the top rope. Sabin held his neck. I’ve got to say Gen ME are pretty bad heels, they just aren’t edgy enough. Just because you attack people every week doesn’t make you a good heel....Those to are terrible on the mic. I give this promo a 2 out of 5.

(Kurt Angle vs. Jeff Hardy/ Post Match Segment)

Slow pacing early on. Hardy had half of his face painted earlier in the show and all of it now. Taz said, “You don’t want Kurt Angle behind you because he will suplex the crap out of you.” Hardy’s focus was the right shoulder of Angle. He slammed it into the ring post. Angle also had dislocated ribs from the PPV. Angle whipped Hardy to the floor and then hit a slingshot high cross body. Mr. Anderson came out and headed to the announce table. Huge double closeline immediately coming back from the break. Angle scored a nearfall with an overhead belly to belly suplex. Hardy hit the Twist of Fate (sort of) for a two count. Angle came back and hit what can only be described as a moonsault high cross body for a two count.


Angle applied the ankle lock. Hardy missed a mule kick but ended up spinning onto his back to kick out of it.Hardy went for the Twist of Fate and it looked like Angle got his knees up, but Hardy still covered him for a two count. Hardy hit the Whisper in the Wind on the referee.
Angle hit an Angle slam and another referee counted to two. He hit a second one and Hardy kicked out again. The show went off the air, but picked up immediately on Reaction, which starts right now…Hardy scored a long two count with the delayed dropkick in the corner. Hardy beat on Angle on the floor for awhile. Angle got it back in the ring and hit many German suplexes. Hardy kicked out. Angle tried and missed a frog splash.Angle applied an ankle lock. We now have two referees. They locked in dueling ankle locks and laid on their backs. Both referees counted to three.Eric Bischoff headed out to the ring as Dixie Carter looked on from her ringside seat.

After a commercial, Bischoff and Dixie spoke at ringside. Eric took the mic in the center of the ring. He said neither man had anything more to prove. He booked Anderson vs. Angle vs. Hardy again. The match is set. Angle and Hardy hugged to end the show.. Okay the ending was pretty interesting, glad they found a way besides a double countout to have it end in a draw. Only problem that I have with the results is that the tournament that they hyped up seems useless now. Good booking...on another exciting match a 4 out of 5.
A decent Impact, for some reason I feel like TNA is rushing alot of things. We will see where all these Angles take us on the way to Bound For Glory.

Socko's TNA No Surrender predictions revisited

It's that time again, let's see how I did:

Velvet Sky vs. Madison Rayne

I predict Velvet will win. There will be some interference by Tara, but this will be stopped by Angelina, giving Velvet the win and reigniting the Tara/Angelina feud.

1/1 - On the money on this one. This wasn't a bad match for these two and I quite like Madison Rayne's new ring gear. Also good to see original BP back together, Velvet and Angelina are pretty witty when they're bouncing off each other in promos.

Rhino vs. Abyss

This has the postential to be a pretty nasty match. No DQ, falls count anywhere, could be messy. Abyss to win.

This match supassed my expectations. When it began, I found the backstage brawling to be a bit dull, but the rest of the match was pretty decent. I particularly enjoyed seeing Rhino run into a guard rail. Ouch!

Abyss won, that's 2/2

Douglas Williams (c) vs. Sabu

This match seems to have come from nowhere. I like Doug and Sabu in equal measures (actually, I prefer Sabu from about 13 years ago), but I think Sabu will win.

I got this one wrong, but I'm glad I was, Doug Williams is one of my favourites in TNA at the moment. This match was pretty good, some cool stuff with tables and chairs as you'd expect from Sabu, good to see this with Doug's style.

2/3

Sting and Kevin Nash vs. Jeff Jarrett and Samoa Joe

Who cares? I mean, what's going to happen? What's a stake? Who are the good guys and bad guys? What are they fighting about? Joe and Jarrett to win.

As expected, Joe and Jarrett won AND NOTHING WAS EXPLAINED OR ELABORATED UPON. Joe was on fire and stopped this one from being a stinker. Good one, Joe. My theory about this whole Sting/Jarrett feud is actually going to come to a head at Bound for Glory - I hope I'm wrong about what I think's going to happen. Hogan will come out, donning his black beard look and say that the nWo have taken over TNA, that it was all a big deception, blah blah. BFG is going to be at Dayyona Beach, the same place that Hogan turned heel and the nWo was born... I really hope I'm wrong.

3/4

A.J. Styles vs. Tommy Dreamer

Where has an I quit match come from? You don't do an I quit match on their first PPV, way to kill off a feud. The I quit match is like a last resort match after a feud has been running over a few PPVs, for fuck's sake. AJ to win, please.

Really enjoyed this match, didn't get the thing with the fork, but it was still decent. Tommy Dreamer actually seemed like a force to be reckoned with in this one and did some great submission moves with a steel chair.

AJ won, therefore 4/5

The Motor City Machine Guns (c) vs. London Brawling

Guns will probably win this, but I'd quite like to see London Brawling get the gold only for the Guns to get it back at Bound for Glory after a vicious and nasty feud over the next few weeks... this won't happen though, so I'll say Guns.

I couldn't have been more wrong. The match ended up being the Young Bucks versus MCMG. There were some crazy moves going on, and bodies were flying all over the place. My only criticism is that it wasn't as good as some of their matches in PWG.

4/6

Kurt Angle vs Jeff Hardy

Hmmm, I wonder...

This was a great match. They managed to give the match drama even though it was always going to be a squash match... or was it? In the long-run it will be, but the match was declared a no contest, me predicts some more matches over the next few week, hopefully a best of 3. I really don't want to see a 3-way for BFG.

This was the best match of the evening and should have been at the end.

This had the potential to be TNA's match of the year, quite easily, were it not for the retarded booking. Firstly, I don't recall them saying that there would be a 20 minute time limit at the start of this match. Secondly, if there NEEDS TO BE A WINNER THEN DON'T HAVE A FUCKING TIME LIMIT. After the first overtime, Bischoff adds another 5 mins (fucking pointless) then they got to the end of the time limit. Angle had been busted wide open, brother, and the medics declared that he was too injured to carry on. Bare in mind that only a few matches before a match wasn't stopped when AJ went Abdulla the Butcher on Dreamer with a fork. This is where it gets interesting. If Kurt Angle CAN'T GO ON, then in any other fighting sport (boxing/MMA/fuckning curling) Angle would lose. Fair enough, this isn't a real sport, so let's look at pro wrestling history, in Wrestlemania 4 (might be 5, one of the early ones) there was a no contest and BOTH competitors lost. Obviously you can't take away what Hardy and Angle were doing because it was awesome, but the booking was terrible. Rant over.

4/7

Mr. Anderson vs. D'Angelo Dinero

Anderson will win, just to get him versus Angle at BFG.

As predicted. The match wasn't bad, just didn't compare to the previous match. Again TNA blew its load too early.

5/8 - not bad. Fourtune swept the board.


PPV rating: ****

So, we're now on the road to Bound for Glory. I predict injuries preventing Hardy and Angle from competing for the final position, therefore, the main event will be Hardy/Anderson/Angle. This could be a smart move, here's why: Anderson could turn heel, fuck around with Angle/Hardy, say he was just being an asshole, blah blah. Then during the match, Anderson will get the pin on Hardy, but only by cheating. Angle getting the belt being the most obvious thing in the worl is swerved, and Kurt Angle wouldn't lose, he would just not win. Angle is so pissed by the screwjob/cheating that he doesn't retire. So we have Anderson getting the belt and a great feud reemerging between Angle and Anderson.

That Clown from Outta Towan - iMPACT July 7th 2010

Another week, another iMPACT. To be honest, I can't remember a thing about last week's show, other than there's going to be an ECW-style PPV.

I'm hoping for a few details/matches to be revealed. I'm hoping Tommy Dreamer doesn't cry again.

I also hope they start with wrestling.

0:09 - Tommy on the mic again...
2:26 - They're giving Bubba a mic :D
7:21 - Bubba's promising fire :D
8:00 - Oh god, here comes Hogan to ruin the moment
11:17 - Phew, Abyss is here to save us from Hogan
11:55 - Looks like ECW weren't 'they' after all
14:17 - Looks like Dreamer v Abyss tonight :D Shame Dreamer's gonna get whooped - he's injured so this is probably how they're going to explain him not wrestling at the PPV.
16:37 - Knockouts...fast forwarding. I've given them plenty of chances, and regretted it every time.
22:10 - Eric Young's back...tagging with Orlando Jordan...TNA must really hate this guy's career. Jordan seems to have toned down his act considerably though, which can only be a good thing.
28:33 - The less said about that match the better.
29:54 - Flair v Lethal in a street fight? I was dubious last time, and it was a good match...but still, I'm dubious again.
33:58 - Global Championship is now the TV Title :) 2nd time the fucking thing's been renamed...
35:44 - Woop, Angle's here :D
36:40 - FUCK YEAH ANGLE v AJ :D
37:17 - Beer Money v Guns...this should be good, they've been owning it up for weeks. MCMG are clearly gonna win though.
39:28 - They're bothering with tagging in a cage match??
46:06 - That was awesome...best one of the series so far :) Looking forward to next week...
46:43 - Ugh, Anderson
46:57 - Oh wait, Matt Morgan...still ugh.
53:29 - Best low blow ever.
59:02 - Rob Terry just beat Kaz in under 30 seconds...fucking disgraceful.
60:27 - Anderson & Hardy v TNA Security is just silly...
66:33 - Ugh, Bischoff
20:05 - Yay, Abyss :) Please kill Bischoff with your pointy stick
70:23 - Nailboard ladder match haha
72:03 - Abyss was going to kill Bischoff, and RVD saved him, but RVD is a face and Abyss is a heel...that makes no sense at all. Anyone trying to kill Bischoff is ok in my book.
83:28 - Dreamer v Abyss was nothing to write home about...looks like it's Raven v Dreamer at the PPV though.

Overall, a very mediocre iMPACT. It was basically just the MCMG v Beer Money match, and nothing else interesting or significant. It wasn't terrible, it just wasn't good either

That Clown from Outta Town - iMPACT July 8th 2010

Socko's decided we need avatars so it's easier to tell who's talking. My MS Paint drawing skills suck, so I guess this'll have to do for now.

Anyway, this week's iMPACT. AJ v Kaz to look forward to, other than that there's no real reason for anyone to tune in - no decent storylines going on, no decent matches announced - nothing. TNA really ought to start promoting their shows better, when even their fans don't give a fuck it's a bad sign.

This week, I hope they start with a wrestling match, and I hope they have AJ v Kaz as the main event. I hope to see minimal RVD, Hogan and Bischoff. In fact, I hope Hogan and Bischoff get fired live on air.

1:38 - Apparently, Anderson hitting Hardy with a chair has been a hot controversy all week. Personally, I'd completely forgotten about it. Of course it was an accident though - why bother befriending Hardy over the course of 2 months, saving him from several beatings, just to hit him in the back with a chair one time? Not to mention the fact that Abyss was about to brain Hardy with a nailboard before Anderson ran in, so if he wanted Hardy to get hurt he could have just done nothing. Either it was an accident or the bookers are fucking morons.
1:44 - Oh god, he's coming to the ring to talk :(
5:39 - Why are people cheering a guy calling them assholes? Drooling fucking retards.
6:53 - Ugh, wonky camera crap again
7:18 - AJ seems pissed that he has to wrestle Kaz...AJ YOU FUCKING CHALLENGED HIM, WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU
8:09 - Oh, ffs...AJ v Kaz is the first match...this doesn't make any fucking sense...again. Fucking TNA and their blowing their load early
9:07 - HOLY SHIT RVD v JOE...WHY IS THIS ON iMPACT WITH NO FUCKING BUILD UP? THIS SHOULD BE A PPV MATCH WITH A MONTH'S STORYLINE BEHIND IT TNA YOU FUCKING IDIOTS
14:29 - Decent match (for iMPACT), bullshit ending. 6 minutes just isn't long enough for a decent match. A 15 minute match with a 3 min advert is better than 2 6 minute matches without breaks.
15:46 - Kaz and AJ as a tag team - recipe for awesome :D
16:21 - Oh ffs...I thought the Knockouts were meant to be about wrestling, not T&A?
16:55 - Angelina v Daphne...I think I'll watch this one, even though Madison will blatantly interfere
19:00 - That'll be on Botchamania for sure
19:55 - Wow, no Madison - still, the match was under 4 minutes, what's the fucking point?
21:22 - Madison came out and said she's putting her belt on the line, so what is Angelina putting on the line? FOR FUCKS SAKE THAT'S HOW A CHAMPIONSHIP WORKS YOU FUCKING MONGOLOID
22:18 - Why do people keep putting their careers on the fucking line with Madison? The matches are already booked, they could just tell her to go fuck herself, but instead they keep getting fired like a bunch of fucking retards
25:19 - Woop woop Dudleys on the mic
30:43 - Sweet, Bubba v Jesse v Devon at the PPV :D
30:58 - JOE JOE JOE JOE
31:16 - I really hope Joe fucks RVD up. Like...really fucks him up. For real.
32:00 - 32 mins in and already there's been Joe v RVD and AJ v Kaz...what decent stuff could possibly be left in the show?
32:45 - They haven't said if it's a title match or not...so, guessing RVD will win. If Joe was gonna win they would've mentioned either way.
33:20 - For the first time in ages, a match where I actually care who wins. Kill him, Joe!
34:07 - The crowd agrees - FUCK HIM UP JOE
35:09 - FUCK YEAH, JOE JUST KILLED RVD
39:17 - The commentators seem more interested in Tommy Dreamer being in the crowd than the actual match - Joe is dominating though :D
40:23 - Joe just decapitated RVD with a clothesline
42:07 - Fuck, another decapitation...awesome :D
44:14 - TAP THE FUCK OUT YOU CUNT
44:37 - What the fuck...RVD won :( Fuck TNA
45:00 - Great match, shitty, bullshit ending...I'm hoping for a post match beatdown
46:00 - Now I'm pissed off :/
49:07 - Doug Williams seems to be affecting a Hitler haircut
50:19 - Doug's fear of heights is such bullshit
50:49 - "In England they live in flats, there's no upper level" COMMENTARY FAIL
53:20 - TNA is so fucking stupid - why are they using their champion as a fucking jobber? What fucking sense does that make? Absolutely none. Bunch of shit.
54:38 - What the christ is this promo? Bunch of shit, I'd rather MCMG not get airtime than put this crap on the air
55:44 - 6 man tag, MCMG & Hernandez v Beer Money and Matt MorgzzzzzZZZZZZZ
56:54 - I actually can't be bothered to watch this, fast forwarding
63:35 - For fucks sake, Pope, talk about your fucking PPV match and not fucking Anderson
64:03 - Nash :D
64:30 - Ugh, fucking Hogan
65:22 - Jay Lethal :D
66:42 - Jay Lethal + being serious = crap
66:50 - NOBODY GIVES A SHIT ABOUT YOUR MOTHER, TALK ABOUT WRESTLING FFS
68:12 - Wow, Ric Flair actually said something I agree with...
72:05 - A truly fucking awful in ring promo from Flair
72:34 - Ugh, shitty main event coming up
73:45 - This match will be shit, fast forwarding
74:07 - Oh wait, promo...I'll watch
74:40 - What the fuck was that? Say something interesting or keep your fucking mouth shut Anderson
75:09 - Ok, really fast forwarding this time
80:46 - Cool, here comes the nailboard :D
81:16 - Ugh, confiscated...fast forwarding
82:20 - Fucking RVD again...please come out and destroy him Joe

Another shitty iMPACT, two decent matches which both had shitty endings, and the rest was boring. PPV looks shit too. Fuck TNA.

If there was another weekly wrestling show, I'd be ready to jump ship. WWE isn't wrestling, ROH isn't that great and is difficult to find, nobody else does a weekly show that I know of. This fucking sucks. If PWG were easier to get hold of in my area (i.e. not the USA), I'd jump ship today and only go back to TNA when Hogan, Bischoff and Russo leave. As it is, I have to choose between watching this shit every week, and not watching wrestling altogether :(

EDIT: And this is coming from someone who considers themselves a TNA fan...

That Clown from Outta Town - May 27th iMPACT

iMPACT time again. Hopefully Sting will attack wrestlers I don't like all night again. Plus, I want to see what happens to The Band following Scott Hall's arrest (although that may have happened after the show was taped - not sure), and I hope to see Angle vs Kaz - I want to get to Angle vs Joe ASAP! Please start with wrestling not talking this week TNA!

1:35 - Ooh, Band vs 3D vs Ink Inc :)
1:49 - Kaz vs Lethal - awesome :)
2:48 - Jeff, please be coming to fight, not to flap your lips.
3:51 - Ugh, talking :(
7:12 - Here comes AJ :D Hope this turns into a 3-way...
9:54 - Why does AJ look like a waxwork of himself?
11:11 - FUCK YEAH RING THE BELL
14:20 - Let's go Jesse! Show no mercy! Love TNA fans :)
18:48 - Cool, Jesse vs Bubba...hope it's no DQ!
20:29 - Whoa, RVD mentioning his opponent - is that a first?
21:04 - Kaz v Lethal :D Can't wait, this could easily be match of the night.
21:51 - Just noticed Lethal has new entrance music - guess Black Machismo is over :'(
29:43 - Cool match, slightly ruined by the postmatch drama, but at least Lethal slapped the shit out of Flair so it's all good :)
30:46 - Looks like Orlando Jordan laid out Shannon? He did that card thing before iirc...
32:15 - Here comes OJ...with Abyss stickers on his nipples? What?
32:53 - Abyss vs OJ - bit out of the blue. I'm sure Wolfe will be along shortly.
38:48 - Whoomp, there it is - haha, 'Get up, bubblegum'
39:47 - Freakbuster? Looks like a chokeslam to me...
40:38 - Here comes RVD - FUCK HIM UP STINGER
47:47 - They're promoting midget wrestling on TNA now...way to raise your profile.
49:33 - I was actually going to watch this match - Wilde and Sarita are pretty good - but they've got the midget wrestling guy on commentary. Fuck that. Fast forwarding.
56:28 - WOLFE V HARDY - This is either gonna be great, or a huge letdown. Don't fuck it up, TNA.
57:18 - FUCK YEAH ANGLE - Tell 'em, Kurt!
57:50 - Oh, he's commentating.
58:20 - Just realised, Kurt vs the top ten means Kurt vs Wolfe again as well as the Joe match - this is fucking awesome. I love this angle. Can't fucking wait for the Joe match though. Hope they have another red hot feud to hype it up, there was a time when I thought those two were going to kill each other.
61:00 - This match looks to be pretty good so far...please don't fuck it up with a run-in Abyss/Anderson/AJ/whoever
66:30 - Neat match, shame about the copout ending - I'd be happy to see these two go at it at PPV though
67:03 - Morgan's back :) FUCK HIM UP JOE
68:56 - Morgan issuing an open challenge for a tag partner - I'd love to hear Hernandez's music right about now :)
69:16 - Anderson calling out Angle? Is he mad?
71:24 - FUCK YEAH JOE FUCK EM UP JOE
72:18 - Joe and Angle eye to eye...you can cut the tension with a knife...Joe v Angle is going to be fucking awesome
73:24 - Cool, AJ vs Anderson...I'd usually write off an Anderson match before the bell rings but it's AJ...I'll give it a shot ;)
84:26 - Neat match, the post match drama wasn't much to write home about but I guess it continues the Hardy/Anderson love-in...

Pretty good iMPACT this week :) Joe vs Morgan seems to be brewing, Joe v Angle is going to be awesome, Jesse v Bubba is getting pretty hot...Sting v RVD is kinda going off the boil a little, Wolfe v Hardy will be great if it escalates into a feud - their match was pretty good until the ref bump. No Hogan, no Bischoff and minimal RVD makes for a great iMPACT, it seems.

Some suggestions for TNA should any of them actually read this:

1. Put Red back on TV! He's awesome! The fans love him!
2. Bring back Pope! Or at least update us on his condition! The fans love him!
3. BRING BACK SHARK BOY! THE FANS LOVE HIM!

That Clown from Outta Town: TNA iMPACT, May 20th

Pretty much the only thing I'm interested in going into iMPACT is what the backlash for the Sting match is going to be. As always, I hope they start with wrestling, not talking!

2:03 - FUCK YEAH ANGLE'S BACK!
2:30 - "Let's not waste another minute, let's bring out Eric Bischoff" - Er, what? Those two things are mutually exclusive...also, START WITH FUCKING WRESTLING, NOT FUCKING TALKING!
5:02 - Joe at fucking number 10?! Are you fucking mad? He should be top 5 easily, if not top 3...ffs!
5:07 - Here he comes...Muscle Buster on Bischoff please!
5:37 - ROB FUCKING TERRY IS ABOVE JOE IN THE RANKINGS? WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT?
6:26 - Wolfe only at 8? This is fucking bullshit. Fuck you, Bischoff.
7:08 - Pope at 7...that's probably about right tbh.
7:47 - Abyss at 6...I can live with that one too.
8:29 - Anderson at 5. With Joe at 10. Bollocks to that.
9:12 - Jeff Hardy at 4. That's too high imo, he's hardly set TNA on fire since showing up.
10:10 - AJ at number 3...probably about right.
10:56 - Kurt Angle at number 2? That's only right if Joe is number 1. Who the fuck is at #1? If it's Sting I won't be amused.
12:26 - It's Sting. What. I hope he does to RVD what he did to Jarrett.
13:27 - I agree with the fans who are chanting "We want recount"
14:07 - Sting vs Hardy. WON'T THAT BE FUN
16:05 - Here comes RVD to save the day...something interesting almost happened on iMPACT, luckily RVD was there to break it up.
16:53 - That was briefly awesome...Bischoff getting battered, Hardy about to get battered. Sting is actually becoming one of my favourite guys on TNA after decades of indifference towards the guy. But Joe still deserves a title match more.
19:00 - Knockouts - fast forwarding.
25:35 - Actually - why is Angle even on the #1 contenders list? He can't have another title match for the rest of the year, according to the stipulations for the last match he had against AJ...
26:22 - Here he comes :D It wasn't the same without Kurt.
27:49 - 'You still are' chant :3
30:22 - Angle to fight the entire top ten, starting at ten...ANGLE vs JOE MOTHERFUCKERS FUCK YEAH
30:57 - "He doesn't want it handed to him...Kurt Angle wants to earn it" - That's why Angle is the greatest wrestler in the word. Unlike the current champion, who is quite happy to have it handed to him.
31:34 - Beer Money vs Jay Lethal & Mystery Partner...glad to see Lethal back in the ring :)
34:24 - Orlando Jordan coming down from the rafters again - I wonder if him and Sting hang out up there?
38:04 - Hahaha DDT on his leg
43:13 - Jesse Neal vs 3D feud could be interesting...I like both teams.
45:03 - I think I'd rather see a handicap match with Lethal vs Beer Money than Lethal & RVD tagging against them. And I say that as a Jay Lethal fan.
47:59 - 8 man X-Division Battle Royale for the #10 contender spot? Could be great, could be shite. Battle Royales are tough to make interesting. I hope Red wins it. Red or Williams. I suspect Kaz will get it though, which would be cool too.
50:05 - Pretty good tag match. Might be my favourite RVD TNA match; he was hardly in it and Lethal is awesome.
52:12 - YES YES FUCK HIM UP STINGER
55:30 - The handover of Chelsea...this ought to be...interesting.
60:45 - Nothing like a good old fashioned bottling :) <3 England! That cut looks nasty...
61:21 - Raeptime for Chelsea
62:01 - The Band :) After seeing a few episodes of Last Call with Scott Hall I actually quite like him now.
62:23 - Haha, Eric goes 'I understand the boos' to the people booing. 'Boos' sounds like 'booze'. And he's standing next to Scott Hall. Well, I thought it was funny anyway.
70:47 - a Band vs 3D vs Ink 3-way feud would be awesome.
71:06 - X Division Battle Royale - fuck em up, Red
71:26 - And Red is first out. Ffs. Go Generation Me!
71:58 - And Max is out. I'm fucking cursed.
72:20 - And Jeremy is out. Go Sabin. Even though Kaz is blatantly going to win.
52:50 - And Sabin's out. The curse continues.
73:45 - Kaz wins. A 2 minute 8 man Battle Royale. 2 fucking minutes. Still, Angle vs Kaz should be fun.
74:35 - Sting vs Hardy. Fuck him up Sting.
79:08 - Sting seems to have turned into Superman - nobody can touch him. He's fucking Hardy up.
82:07 - That ref bump'll be on Botchamania.
83:41 - FUCK THEM BOTH UP STING

Fairly decent iMPACT this week. The Sting angle is building nicely (I still have no idea what it's about), the 3D/Ink feud is heating up, Jay Lethal back in the ring after way too long. No Destructo-Joe though T_T

Review: TNA Sacrifice 2010

So, with my drunken and incoherent ramble over The Clown’s predictions late last night, I figured it was time to write a more considered review.



The first thing I need to say about Sacrifice is that two things completely sucked: the crowd and Tazz’s announcing. I’m usually a fan of Tazz’s commentaries, but, man, he was seriously off his game this time. For most of the PPV, the crowd were flat; they didn’t seem to give a shit about the matches. Maybe this is because the PPV was in the Impact Zone, or maybe it’s because TNA management hadn’t spent much time building up any of the matches for people to really give a shit about who wins or loses. Also, it seems that JB has been promoted to ring announcer...

First up we had the number one contenders’ match for the tag team titles between Motor City Machine Guns, Beer Money and 3D. It wasn’t the greatest match I’ve seen these guys in, the Dudleys were kept out of it for most the match so it seemed like MCMG versus Beer Money. The crowd were flat until the final moment of the match when Sabin got the pin on Brother Ray.

Next up was the Global Championship between Roid Terry and Orlando Jordan. The build up to this match was centred around that bi-sexual gimmick, which as The Clown pointed out, is just daft. What came out of this match was the real feeling that Terry really can’t wrestle for shit and that Jordan is actually a decent performer and doesn’t need to go for the Goldust angle. Terry won with what Tazz described as “a spine-buster like move” – looked like a choke slam to me. Considering Terry is basically a crapper version of Batista, this match wasn’t that bad. Jordan’s move-set is pretty old-skool and it’s nice to see a good old fashioned leg-drop every now and again. TNA really need to get rid of Rob Terry; the guy’s a fucking joke. It’s probably for the best that TNA did away with the ‘gay’ angle, but if you’re going to build up a storyline into a match you should at least carry it on. Knowing TNA, the O-Zone will be back on Thursday and Jordan will come out looking like he’s been the spunk mop in a brothel.

After the match, we cut to a backstage promo which shows the Dudleys in their locker room licking their wounds. Ink Inc. (eugh, that name) go in and the Dudleys wish them luck and warn them that the Band might take their gripe with the Dudleys out on them. Neal say that they don’t need luck and they’ll take care of the Band for them. This pisses of Bubba, and after Ink Inc. leaves he rants to Devon about lack of respect, blah blah.

The third match of the evening was Kazarian versus Doug Williams for the X-Division title. I love the fact that this angle was written by an Icelandic volcano, but it was a pretty decent angle nonetheless. I was looking forward to this match because not only are Kazarian and Williams two of TNA’s most underrated stars, they also have two of the best finishers in the company. The match was pretty decent but was spoilt by a flat crowd and poor commentary; Tazz’s piss-poor announcing was saved by Taney’s wit, when he said something like “Kaz took a year out of the business and everyone thought it would be career suicide” – geddit? Suicide? Kaz was Suicide, he didn’t really leave. Geddit? The match worked really well with the angle of Williams hating the high-risk style of the X-Division and saw Kazarian going to work with some good, solid, technical wrestling. It was Williams who resorted to a high-risk move, going of the top rope and smacking Kaz’s face into the entrance ramp. I don’t know if this was done on purpose, but this was a nice subtle tough which added some complexity and hypocrisy to Williams’ character. There were some pretty cool moves in the match including a brain-buster variation and of course his Chaos Theory for the win. I would have liked to have seen Kaz’s fucked up backwards piledriver thing, but no such luck. I think Kazarian may be the only X-Division title holder to not actually have possession of the belt.

Next up was for the Knockout’s Championship between Tara and Madison Rayne, with Tara putting her career on the line if she didn’t win. It was no secret that her contract was up, so it was a bit of a pointless match. The Knockout division used to be pretty interesting as far as women’s wrestling goes. With characters like Hamada, Roxxi, Awesome Kong, Alisa Flash, etc. The Knockouts Division wasn’t the joke it is today. To my reckoning, this may have been Madison’s first one-on-one match on TV in TNA (which is a good feat for a single’s title holder!) The match stunk, and you could see that Tara was trying to make it look like a good match. Poor Tara. The crowd were in particularly bad form, especially for a career match; they didn’t seem to give a shit when she was pinned. It was only when Tara was being escorted away by security that a few chants of “thank you Tara” started up. Poor Tara; her last match and it was awful.

Next we had a short promo of Eric Young with Band. It seems that Eric Young may have his tongue firmly embedded into his cheek in this promo. He says something along the lines of “look at the players in TNA, nothing but wannabes and has-beens. I am the only one cool enough to hang out with the Band.” This made me laugh so hard I nearly popped a shit. Eric Young sounds like some geeky kid in primary school who’s been allowed to hang out with the cool kids... hahahaha! Because Hall and Nash are pretty old and can either, hardly walk, or are too fat to do much cardio-vascular stuff, Nash announced that the Band held the title, not just Hall and Nash. So, like the Fabulous Freebirds, any combination could defend the title at any given time. I glad that go cleared up.

So onto the tag team title match between the Band and Ink Inc. Contrary to what Nash had hinted at only moments before, it was actually Hall and Nash who waddled and limped to the ring, leaving EY backstage presumably to look after Hall and Nash’s grandkids or something. Unsurprisingly, this match was another stinker. Both Nash and Hall look so slow and bumbly in the ring, it’s not even funny anymore. The ref got knocked out, EY came out with a kendo stick. There was a bit of a kerfuffle. Brother Ray came out and interfered, beating on Jesse Neal. The Band retained the titles. Yawn.

Next we had the Ring vs Chelsea match between Abyssmal (geddit?) and Desmond Wolfe. Now, I didn’t realise that TNA condone white slavery, but clearly they do, as the stipulation if Wolfe lost was that Chelsea would become Abyss’s slave for 30 days in a boring Beauty and the Beast style set-up. Abyss looked pretty funny waddling around the ring with Wolfe. It must have been difficult for Wolfe going up against such a lame competitor. The match began with Wolfe being attacked on the ramp by Abyss while Chelsea sat watching from a throne (don’t ask, I don’t know). Again Tazz was coming out this some lame lines, though I nearly wet myself when he said that Chelsea “probably wants to throw up in her own mouth” – seriously, Tazz, what the fuck? So with Chelsea tasting bile in the back of her throat, Abyss choke slams Wolfe. Chelsea distracted Abyss and threw some brass knuckles into the ring. Wolfe smacked Abyss in the head and he goes down quicker than your mother for a can of cider. Wolfe goes in for the pin and Abyss gets up. This is where the match got fucking stupid. Abyss started Hulking up, Wolfe kept hitting Abyss, but for some reason he was immune to its effects. Abyss took Wolfe up for a Black Hole Slam for the pin. Victorious, Abyss spoke to Chelsea and spit went flying from his mouth onto her face and onto the camera lens; it was fucking disgusting. Poor Chelsea.

Next up we have Anderson and Hardy. I can’t actually remember what these guys are feuding about, but Anderson cut one of the best promos I’ve seen all year. I was literally laughing out loud, lol. I love it when small things in promos catch on. Getting the crowd chanting “I’m an asshole” was brilliant. I’m looking forward to seeing how this will work on TV. Will Spike censor the crowd every time this chant starts? I hope so, it will be like listing to the audio equivalent of a strobe light. This was probably the first time in the evening that the crowd started to get into the show, which made for better viewing and made for better in-ring performances. The match started with Anderson grounding Hardy for the first few minutes; there’s some pretty decent wrestling going on, but nothing even close to the level of Anderson and Angle at Lockdown. The match starts to step up when Hardy uses a chair to catapult himself towards Anderson in a textbook Sabu style dive over the top rope. Both competitors pulled out their usual signature moves, with Hardy doing a Swanton Bomb from the top rope for the win. The match ended with what could possibly be a double turn: Anderson held offered a handshake to Hardy, who refused and left him standing in centre of the ring.

We then cut to a promo with AJ Styles, who tells Christie that “these are dark times for TNA” – indeed they are, indeed they are. Poignantly we are now ready for one of the most pointless matches of the evening. I didn’t give a shit about this match, TNA hadn’t even bothered to build it up and the announcing was just awful throughout. “Why Sting? Why?” The match itself lasted for less than a minute and was really just a pre-match brawl in which Jarrett showed us his best Ric Flair impression by bleeding everywhere with that crazy bright red blood that only wrestlers seem to have running through their veins. Once they finally get in the ring, Sting does a Scorpion Death Drop and gets the pin-fall. Why Sting? Why? Sting continues his beat down and puts Jarrett’s shoulders between the ring steps and a baseball bat and stomps a couple of times. It is at this point that Hogan rushes out and, erm, does fuck all, but this ends the beat down. Why Sting? Why? Why didn’t Sting end on a high at Bound for Glory? Why Sting? Why?

Finally, we come to the main event. On paper, this is a dream match for me: AJ Styles versus Rob Van Dam. This match had some great moments, but I found it quite boring on the whole. The match was very slow to start with lots of posturing and stalling by both parties. At every opportunity during the match, RVD stood in the ring doing that arm thing in time with his name. Enough already! Flair came down to ringside only to be flanked by Lethal who gets him with some chops and a Figure Four Leglock. This was the best bit of the match. RVD did his Frog Splash and won, retaining the title and being a boring champion for at least another month... good to see Lethal in a main event though!

Greatest Promos Ever! "Awww, did you expect somebody else?"

This has to be one of CM Punk's finest moments since moving to WWE. After he retired Jeff Hardy on Smackdown the previous week, who should enter the arena...



I was reminded of this promo because of Jeff Hardy himself. In the recent Pro Wrestling Observer Newsletter it seems that Hardy was a little pissed by this promo:

"WWE's last unofficial offer to Jeff Hardy before he went to TNA had a $750,000 downside where he would only have to work 65 dates a year, giving him the biggest break on the schedule out of any WWE stars, including Shawn Michaels.

Obviously Hardy turned the deal down as he was upset that nobody backed him after his drug arrest and he was upset over the promos that WWE had CM Punk cut on him after he left the company. The feeling was that Hardy wasn't with the company at the time and the promos from Punk weren't business as they weren't used to build a match."

This just makes me love the promo even more.

Tell me why I don't like Mondays...

Raw wasn't great this week but there was a couple of impressive debut matches from some of the 'rookies', especially Brian Danielson. He was never going to win, but looked good none the less.

Then there's Sheamus, the angry Irishman. He ticks a few of the stereotypical boxes such as calling people 'Fella', Christian imagery on his outfit, pasty complexion and ginger hair - I guess he has much to be angry about, all things considered. Watching him run in on a weekly basis, kick someone in the head, look smug and then exit again is just getting a little tedious.

I watched Raw this week in the company of Mr Socko of Mr Socko's Pro Wrestling Review fame and we both came to the conclusion that Smackdown is turning into a bit of a dumping ground for shite stars (Jack Swagger, Undertaker, Kane, Big Show etc.) and that WWE in general is just getting somewhat... tame.

Onwards and upwards then, TNA impact on the same day. TNA has been on the up again for a while now so surely nothing could stop this train from coming off the track, could it? The show for me started with great work from Jay Lethal and the very convincing Ric Flair impersonation he did (obviously only if you keep your eyes closed) who has started to make a bit of a name for himself lately, but when he had flair where he should have been the typically boring free for all started which was a good moment for Hogan to come in and steal the spotlight as usual. One of the biggest surprises for me regarding flair this week is the fact that he didn't bleed at all; has he finally bled himself dry?

Knockouts - Fast forward time. However, at the end of this match, Tara (or is it Tera?) pretty much announced that she's off, so that's a bonus.

Mr. Anderson was pretty amusing as always, Jeff Hardy looked bloated, drugs taking their toll perchance.

The band... Embarrassing as always and now they have a new member to change their incontinence pants and wipe the dribble from their mouths, Eric Young. If you include Sean Waltman, they have a combined age of 170 - scrape that barrel baby.

Orlando Jordan and the O-Zone - hmm, don't ask.

Desmond Wolfe challenging RVD was simply disappointing, it could have been a classic if Hulk didn't need to steal the spotlight one more time with Sting.

I'd give it maybe 5/10, but I'm feeling generous - I agree with Clown - good in the middle, but shite elsewhere.

TNA ranking system. The results.

I've just had a look at the results for the TNA number one contender's poll. I'm pretty pleased with the results; hopefully TNA management with pay attention.

The results in order:

 Abyss 1.5% (7,672 votes)

 Jeff Jarrett 1.9% (9,535 votes)

AJ Styles 4.9% (24,508 votes)

The Pope 5.6% (27,908 votes)  

 Sting 5.6% (28,092 votes) 

 Rob Terry 6% (29,660 votes)

Mr. Anderson 8.7% (43,125 votes)

Jeff Hardy 31.1% (154,747 votes)  Desmond Wolfe 31.2% (155,116 votes)  

Total Votes: 497,682.

The first thing to say is congratulations to Desmond Wolfe, he deserves a push. Hopefully, this will stop TNA from treating him as a midcard wrestler. Also, I'd love to see how Wolfe and RVD's styles would work together in the ring.  In fact the top three I completely agree with (though is there much point in pushing Hardy with possible jail time looming?).

Secondly, and thank God I'm not the only one feeling this, but Abyssamania really isn't running wild. The fact that Abyss scored the least number of votes goes to show how out of touch Hogan is. It's funny really; TNA is aimed at an older demographic that WWE, but yet they have an angle about a magic ring. Hopefully this will mark an end to Abyss being given far too much air time and get him to do what he does best (i.e. rip off Mick Foley).

Thirdly, I don't get who voted for the big Welsh steroid machine Rob Terry. This really baffles me: he can't wrestle, he looks all weird and out of proportion and he's shit on the mic. Its clear that TNA are trying to give him a Goldberg style dominant freak schtick but it just doesn't wash. I thought the business had done away with roid chompers after Hogan testified about the WWF and steroids... maybe he's not on roids, maybe he just spends a lot of time in the gym, drinking his milk and taking his vitamins, maybe.

Let's hope that Wolfe-a-mania starts running wilde.

TNA Impact! - 19th April

Off the back of Lockdown, this week's Impact was fucking awesome, with two PPV main event quality matches. The first being RVD vs Jeff Hardy. I was suprised to see that Hardy was coherent and on great form, especially after jumping off a ladder perched on top of a steel cage through a table. Both men put on a great match, RVD's 3rd in 24 hours. The match was as violent and reckless as you'd expect from these guys, with lots of high-risk moves and crashes into the guard rails. The winner of the match was RVD who went on to challenge AJ for the world title. Again, this was an excellent match and shows the importance of both competitors being on form for a match. The match ran rings around the previous night's match between AJ and Pope, and RVD is now the TNA World Champion. Cynics might suggest that RVD becoming champion was a pre-requisit of him coming to TNA... I'm one of those cynics.
With the longest title reign in TNA history, AJ has been an excellent champion and, contrary to my initial doubts, has turned into a great heel. But of course, when you have so many top wrestlers like RVD, Hardy, Wolfe, etc. it's inevitable that AJ would start to be pushed down the bill.
Highlight of the night: The return of Samoa Joe. Just like when he came to TNA from ROH, Joe came in and dominated, as a secret partner in the Lethal Lockdown rematch with Team Hogan, he came in and showed the viewers exactly why Joe is a top contender in TNA. I still think the guy needs to do some sit-ups though.

The new improved TNA?

I think the question mark gives it away on this. TNA, for me, has been the most interesting and innovative wrestling company over past couple of years (Russo aside). With stars like AJ Styles, Joe and Sheik Abdul Bashir (RIP), TNA have proved themselves to be a forward-looking company. So fair enough, they may have recruited a few washed-up wrestlers who have long since had their day (Kevin Nash, Scott Steiner, Booker T., etc.), but nothing could prepare me for the dullness of Hulkamania going wild all over me.
I grew up on wrestling in the 90s, when WCW was the most dominant force in wrestling, for a while, and ECW was out there smacking things up with steel chairs and beer bottles (real ones) and WWF (yes, F) had some of the greatest microphone wrestlers of all time. In the days before 'sports entertainment' I still thought Hulk Hogan was an arrogant arse. I'll back peddle a moment, the Hulkster did a hell of a lot for the idustry and NWO was pretty cool at first, that can't be denied, but, there's still this aching feeling that he's a complete cretin and only got where he was because Snuka wasn't a very good microphone wrestler. His in ring wrestling is mediocre at best and when he does that funny strainy arm thing, I was always worried that poo would suddenly pop out.
Hulk Hogan is a parody of what wrestling was, and to be fair to him, he noticed that TNA was the future of wrestling - mark my words that this will no longer be the case when Hogan and Sleazy E come in and bring all their shit friends along. With its mix of hardcore, high-risk and traditional wrestling, with its six-sided squared-circle and its plethora of unique talent, TNA was indeed the future. Then Hulk came along and messed it up for everyone.
TNA is on the verge of becoming the same kind of parody of wrestling that Hogan is, or even worse it will end up like WCW (in face, I hear that David Arquette is number one contender now). He's got rid of the six-sides, and wait for it, in a big statement of innovation and 'change', installed the tried and test four-sided six-sided squared-circle (can you imagine that level of innovation with your puny non-Hoganesque minds; of course you can't), in order to move forward and distinguish yourself from the competition I thought that you should, erm, move forward and try and distinguish yourself for the competition.
So maybe, I'm getting a bit bothered by the ring, who cares tight? It's all about the talent. And Hogan has brought some talent with him . Remember that guy who used to be Razor Ramone and looked like a date rapist? He's in. X-Pac, sorry Six Pac, is in, looking like a gay biker pirate. The nastiest boy's on the block are in. I'm pretty sure that the nastiness of these boys refers to their diet - they're a lot fatter than they used to be. They look like some sad bouncers who try and score with 17 year olds outside of lame bars in market towns up and down the country.
Oh, and they've got Jeff Hardy. But wait, wasn't Jeff Hardy world WWE champion only a year ago? Isn't he one of the biggest names in recent years in sports entertainment? Whatever, let's waste our time bigging up a guy who used to rip his t-shirt off 25 years ago.
My main worry about TNA is that Sleazy E and Hogan will try and relive the good ol' days of WCW vs Raw and move TNA to mondays in the US. This could spell disaster for TNA, trust me on this. WCW had a lot of money behind it which TNA does not, it shouldn't be trying to compete with WWE - TNA is not an alternative, it's just a additional product - it's doesn't need to be a case of either/or. The fact is that putting TNA on at the same time as Raw will only damage TNA. The viewers will still watch it by downloading it from a torrent site, but the TV viewing figures will suffer, which will mean less advertising revenue and will thus be perceived as a less-successful show.

What Hogan needs to realise is that growth and expansion are not ends in themselves, TNA will make more money in the long-run if they try not to expand too quickly and keep their core lines of income intact.

Is it best to compete, or just do your own thing well?

Here's an idea, and this might sound crazy, but instead of compete, why not work with WWE to create a better business, bringing stars across in an IWGP kind of way or even like the old US regional promotions used to. I remember when WWE let ECW onto Raw; it was awesome and great for the business as a whole.




Get with the programme TNA, Hulk Hogan and the Band is dragging you down.