For blog's sake...

Where to begin? TNA is capable of so much, that goes for shit and genius. One minute it produces some of the greatest matches I've ever seen, some of the worst swerves too. I thought it was a true spectacle to see AJ Styles drop onto Bully Ray from on basically top of building only for Bully Ray (I cringe when I type that name) to somehow pull the match out of the bag by knocking AJ through a wall and standing up for about a second. The sad part though is that I was half expecting the wall to be Vince Russo all along.

Sting - What the fuck? TNA have now decided that Heath Ledger was so amazing as the Joker (I have to say that he was good despite being shite because the fucker's dead) that they've basically made him as the next incarnation. I've heard that he's going to be having a match against Jack Nicholson with the reanimated ashes of Cesar Romero as special guest referee.

WWE - R Truth. Genius - He's a good R Truth! They should do the same with John Fucking Cena. They've really started to piss me off lately with Super-Cena Man - A man who can be dominated for 99% of a match and will still always win. Poor CM Punk doesn't stand a chance - if he isn't victim to a monumental WWE screwjob in his hometown he'll be tapping to Cena after delivering between 4 and 8 GTS's. I'm getting really bored of the rivalry between Randy Orton and Christian, both are capable of some great matches but enough is enough. Christian has had enough goes, I think it's time for a new face to step up - I'm thinking it could be Wade Barrett's turn.

Sticking with Smackdown, for once I was glad to see Daniel Bryanson lose what was another great match with Cody Rhodes - this one has got some mileage left in it yet. It was also good to see little Daniel to finally get some mic time. He's no CM Punk on the mic but he's pretty good - much better than Randy Orton.

I've never been good at closing articles, so long.

That Clown from Outta Town - iMPACT July 8th 2010

Socko's decided we need avatars so it's easier to tell who's talking. My MS Paint drawing skills suck, so I guess this'll have to do for now.

Anyway, this week's iMPACT. AJ v Kaz to look forward to, other than that there's no real reason for anyone to tune in - no decent storylines going on, no decent matches announced - nothing. TNA really ought to start promoting their shows better, when even their fans don't give a fuck it's a bad sign.

This week, I hope they start with a wrestling match, and I hope they have AJ v Kaz as the main event. I hope to see minimal RVD, Hogan and Bischoff. In fact, I hope Hogan and Bischoff get fired live on air.

1:38 - Apparently, Anderson hitting Hardy with a chair has been a hot controversy all week. Personally, I'd completely forgotten about it. Of course it was an accident though - why bother befriending Hardy over the course of 2 months, saving him from several beatings, just to hit him in the back with a chair one time? Not to mention the fact that Abyss was about to brain Hardy with a nailboard before Anderson ran in, so if he wanted Hardy to get hurt he could have just done nothing. Either it was an accident or the bookers are fucking morons.
1:44 - Oh god, he's coming to the ring to talk :(
5:39 - Why are people cheering a guy calling them assholes? Drooling fucking retards.
6:53 - Ugh, wonky camera crap again
7:18 - AJ seems pissed that he has to wrestle Kaz...AJ YOU FUCKING CHALLENGED HIM, WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU
8:09 - Oh, ffs...AJ v Kaz is the first match...this doesn't make any fucking sense...again. Fucking TNA and their blowing their load early
9:07 - HOLY SHIT RVD v JOE...WHY IS THIS ON iMPACT WITH NO FUCKING BUILD UP? THIS SHOULD BE A PPV MATCH WITH A MONTH'S STORYLINE BEHIND IT TNA YOU FUCKING IDIOTS
14:29 - Decent match (for iMPACT), bullshit ending. 6 minutes just isn't long enough for a decent match. A 15 minute match with a 3 min advert is better than 2 6 minute matches without breaks.
15:46 - Kaz and AJ as a tag team - recipe for awesome :D
16:21 - Oh ffs...I thought the Knockouts were meant to be about wrestling, not T&A?
16:55 - Angelina v Daphne...I think I'll watch this one, even though Madison will blatantly interfere
19:00 - That'll be on Botchamania for sure
19:55 - Wow, no Madison - still, the match was under 4 minutes, what's the fucking point?
21:22 - Madison came out and said she's putting her belt on the line, so what is Angelina putting on the line? FOR FUCKS SAKE THAT'S HOW A CHAMPIONSHIP WORKS YOU FUCKING MONGOLOID
22:18 - Why do people keep putting their careers on the fucking line with Madison? The matches are already booked, they could just tell her to go fuck herself, but instead they keep getting fired like a bunch of fucking retards
25:19 - Woop woop Dudleys on the mic
30:43 - Sweet, Bubba v Jesse v Devon at the PPV :D
30:58 - JOE JOE JOE JOE
31:16 - I really hope Joe fucks RVD up. Like...really fucks him up. For real.
32:00 - 32 mins in and already there's been Joe v RVD and AJ v Kaz...what decent stuff could possibly be left in the show?
32:45 - They haven't said if it's a title match or not...so, guessing RVD will win. If Joe was gonna win they would've mentioned either way.
33:20 - For the first time in ages, a match where I actually care who wins. Kill him, Joe!
34:07 - The crowd agrees - FUCK HIM UP JOE
35:09 - FUCK YEAH, JOE JUST KILLED RVD
39:17 - The commentators seem more interested in Tommy Dreamer being in the crowd than the actual match - Joe is dominating though :D
40:23 - Joe just decapitated RVD with a clothesline
42:07 - Fuck, another decapitation...awesome :D
44:14 - TAP THE FUCK OUT YOU CUNT
44:37 - What the fuck...RVD won :( Fuck TNA
45:00 - Great match, shitty, bullshit ending...I'm hoping for a post match beatdown
46:00 - Now I'm pissed off :/
49:07 - Doug Williams seems to be affecting a Hitler haircut
50:19 - Doug's fear of heights is such bullshit
50:49 - "In England they live in flats, there's no upper level" COMMENTARY FAIL
53:20 - TNA is so fucking stupid - why are they using their champion as a fucking jobber? What fucking sense does that make? Absolutely none. Bunch of shit.
54:38 - What the christ is this promo? Bunch of shit, I'd rather MCMG not get airtime than put this crap on the air
55:44 - 6 man tag, MCMG & Hernandez v Beer Money and Matt MorgzzzzzZZZZZZZ
56:54 - I actually can't be bothered to watch this, fast forwarding
63:35 - For fucks sake, Pope, talk about your fucking PPV match and not fucking Anderson
64:03 - Nash :D
64:30 - Ugh, fucking Hogan
65:22 - Jay Lethal :D
66:42 - Jay Lethal + being serious = crap
66:50 - NOBODY GIVES A SHIT ABOUT YOUR MOTHER, TALK ABOUT WRESTLING FFS
68:12 - Wow, Ric Flair actually said something I agree with...
72:05 - A truly fucking awful in ring promo from Flair
72:34 - Ugh, shitty main event coming up
73:45 - This match will be shit, fast forwarding
74:07 - Oh wait, promo...I'll watch
74:40 - What the fuck was that? Say something interesting or keep your fucking mouth shut Anderson
75:09 - Ok, really fast forwarding this time
80:46 - Cool, here comes the nailboard :D
81:16 - Ugh, confiscated...fast forwarding
82:20 - Fucking RVD again...please come out and destroy him Joe

Another shitty iMPACT, two decent matches which both had shitty endings, and the rest was boring. PPV looks shit too. Fuck TNA.

If there was another weekly wrestling show, I'd be ready to jump ship. WWE isn't wrestling, ROH isn't that great and is difficult to find, nobody else does a weekly show that I know of. This fucking sucks. If PWG were easier to get hold of in my area (i.e. not the USA), I'd jump ship today and only go back to TNA when Hogan, Bischoff and Russo leave. As it is, I have to choose between watching this shit every week, and not watching wrestling altogether :(

EDIT: And this is coming from someone who considers themselves a TNA fan...

Review: TNA Slammiversary VIII

After 23 days in the wilderness, I’m back. So let’s not waste time and get to the review of TNA’s Slammiversary VIII. Before watching the PPV I caught up on the Impacts from the past three weeks and was surprised by the low key build-up for many of the matches, oh apart from Hardy/Anderson teaming up and the ‘Why Sting, why?’ angle still being as funny as hell. Why Sting, why?

The first match of the evening was a welcome surprise, but one, which upon reflection, fits in perfectly with Angle starting at the bottom (well, number 11) of the TNA top 10 rankings. TNA and consistent storylines don’t usually happen, so I’m interested to see how this one pans out. Anyway, in the opening match we had Kazarian and Kurt Angle. This is how a PPV or an episode of Impact should open, with a decent match. Of course, the match was so good that it probably made the rest of the show not look as good. The crowd intensity peaked during this match, so the rest of the event was just a little bit quieter (but thank God, throughout the first match one shrill scream could be heard throughout the match, which was most disconcerting, whoever that screaming woman was, would you please shut the fuck up in future?). What made me laugh was when the fans were chanting ‘USA USA USA’; who was that for exactly? Angle, who’s American or Kaz, who also happens to be an American? Give yourselves a pat on the back for that one.

There were some pretty awesome moves during this one, with Kaz having the upperhand early on even getting Angle with the Ulmari driver (that reverse tombstone thing), which with Angle’s neck the way it is, was pretty nasty. Angle beat Kaz with the ankle lock and moved up in the rankings.

Next up was Brian Kendrick versus Doug Williams for the X Division title. This match had been set up with Williams being against the high-flying style of the X-Division. Which is why Kendrick (also a heel, I might add) spent most of the match brawling in the ring with Douglas. Douglas then finished the match with one of the most uncomfortable and least graceful Tornado DDTs I think I’ve ever seen. With Kendrick grounded, the storyline just didn’t make a lot of sense, and with Kendrick avoiding the mic like someone’s offering him a poo to smell the match had little build-up. The only thing I learnt through Impact is that Kendrick is a psycho.... just like Nailz... Instead of Kendrick, they should have had Amazing Red, at least the disparity in styles would have been more pronounced and the crowd would have given a shit. Overall though, not a bad match

Next we had a bit with Eric Bischoff asking ‘Why Sting, why?’ Yawn. He then went on to talk about how great Rob Van Dam is. Yawn. Bischoff makes a great heel, but when he’s a babyface he is completely boring. If TNA need to have Eric Bischoff (which they don’t), then bring back Sleazy E, at least that way he’ll be vaguely entertaining.

Next up was Roxxi versus Madison Rayne for the Knockouts title. I must have been in the mood for self-flagellation because I knew this was going to be a stinker, but watched it anyway to see how bad it would be. The match began with Madison coming to the ring and takes the mic, she starts moaning to Roxxi that she has everything to lost and Roxxi has everything to gain, clearly not realising defending a title is meant to work. The match becomes a title versus career match, and as Roxxi was agreeing, Madion smacked her in the head with the mic and busted he wide open. It looked like a blade job, but it wasn’t. What it confirmed was that Roxxi is actually the daughter of Ric Flair, because no one else bleeds like that. Madison won, but when it comes to it, the Knockouts division is a joke now (they bring in a fat stripper, but ignore Hamada and Sarita, what the fuck?) and when it comes to it Roxxi’s been in about three matches this year, so she hadn’t exactly made waves on TNA. Not quite the stinker I thought it would be, but still a pretty poor match.

Next up was Brother Ray versus Jesse Neal in a Teacher versus Student match. This storyline from the beginning struck me a being weak and made Brother Ray look like a bit of a dick. Anyway, the match began with Brother Ray taking to the mic and apologising for being an arse candle and there were hugs all round. Just in case you forgot, this is a PPV, use the build up to cut promos... for fuck’s sake... but wait! Shock upon shock! It was all a ruse. Brother Ray socked Jesse on the head and threw him about 10 foot to the other side of the ring... much better, can we have some wrestling now please? The match played out like a squash match with Brother Ray beating on Jesse throughout. But then, I think we had the earth-shattering arrival of... Tommy Dreamer? Now don’t get me wrong, Tommy Dreamer was great, but that was over a decade ago. Also, he was retired by Zack Ryder (yes, the Raw jobber who’s still yet to win a match on Raw), which doesn’t exactly make him look like the most dominant of wrestlers. Hopefully his role will be similar to what Shane Douglas’s was back in the early days of TNA, or maybe he’ll bring Taz out of retirement. But honestly, I can’t see where he would fit in an already top-heavy roster. Anyway, with the distraction of Dreamer appearing in the crowd, Jesse took Brother Ray down with a spear for the pin. Pretty mediocre match.

Next up was Hernandez versus Matt Morgan, which was one of the few matches on this PPV I was excited about. The match began with Morgan coming out in his normal clothes, wearing a neck brace and selling a neck injury. He comes to the ring and, because this is a PPV, takes the mic to cut a promo. He handed the ref a doctor’s note which said he could not ‘perform’ (don’t say that, people will find out that wrestling’s fake!). As he walked away from the ring Hernandez arrived and threw him into the ring. Two matches in a row and two attempted swerves... don’t use the same gimmick two matches running. Anyway, the match was pretty evenly matched most of the way through with Hernandez working on Morgan’s neck and then Morgan going to work on Supermex’s shoulder. With months of aggression building up in Hernandez in his bid to get revenge over Morgan, how did the match end? With Supermex getting DQed for throwing the ref, I’m not even kidding. The brawling continued until the referee tried to stand in front of a kick and go smacked in the chest. This match was pretty disappointing and had a pointless ending. Let’s hope that Supermex reforms LAX again.

Next up was an interview with Hulk Hogan who was asking ‘Why Sting, why?’ Complaining that Sting had crossed the line (which is what I thought TNA was all about: their tagline is ‘Cross the Line’ for fuck’s sake, but of course Hogan wouldn’t know that because he’s only in it for his own ego). Hogan then went on to talk about ‘the code of ethics’ wrestlers have and that they shouldn’t destroy other wrestler’s careers. Now I’m not one to split hairs here, but hasn’t Hogan been cited by numerous sources as one of the main reasons for the fall of WCW and why many young wrestlers in WCW did not get a push? Anyway...

Next up was Abyss versus Desmond Wolfe in a Monster’s Ball match. Though you might to know it, Desmond Wolfe is one of the best technical wrestlers in TNA, if not the industry (watch some of his matches with Kurt Angle or Bryan Danielson on YouTube to see what I mean), so what do TNA do with such a gifted talent? They get him to hit Abyss over the head with a kendo stick a few times. These type of matches had their place about 10-15 years ago, but they just piss me off now. Why TNA still insists on these is beyond me. Abyss took some pretty hard shots with bin lids and a kendo stick and gets cut up with a board wrapped in barbed wire. It seemed odd that TNA would couple a hardcore match with a goofy ‘Beauty and the Beast’ style storyline. I’ve got to admit that I nearly pissed myself laughing when Desmond Wolfe pulled a teddy bear, wrapped in barbed wire, out of one of the bins. Hardcore! The match came to a climax and Wolfe wanted his brass knuckles from Chelsea (not realising that the ring was scattered with other potential sources of injury for Abyss). But... Shock upon shock! Chelsea gave the knuckles to Abyss who socked Wolfe and put him in a Black Hole Slam and getting the pin. Chelsea was stood, barbed-wired teddy bear in hand, aww... At this point I was expecting an anthropomorphic teapot to start a chorus with the teddy bear, singing a song about beauty being more than skin-deep or something. This match was just stupid... though I’m looking forward to the Match made in Heaven between Abyss and Chelsea booked for the next PPV... maybe...

Next up was, for me, one of the highlights of the PPV, Jay Lethal versus AJ. I’m really glad to see Lethal getting a push, he’s still got his comedy stuff, but now he’s himself which is great. I thought his entrance theme sucked donkey anus. I know they’ve dropped the Black Machismo gimmick, but they really needn’t have given him some generic rock music. Would have been funnier, even if it was for the short-term, for Lethal to come out to Flair’s theme, or at least a reworking of it, but what do I know?

The match was really good, and saw Lethal and AJ at their best. For some reason though, the crowd was a bit flat, maybe they’d yawned themselves to sleep with the Beauty and the Beast match? Lots of Flair-style chops and figure-four leg locks throughout. AJ even gave a nod to one of the other Horsemen, Arn Anderson, with a pretty nasty looking brain buster on Lethal. Wrestlers should watch this match to learn how to sell. With Lethal working on AJ’s knee we had AJ limping around a bit, then when it looked like AJ was going to suddenly forget about his injury and go up-top, his knee went from under him on the second rope. This is such a small detail, but one which certain wrestlers could learn from *cough* ROB VAN DAM *cough*. Lethal won with the pin... a very good match.

At the end of the match we saw a bit of a dressing down on AJ by Flair, and Kaz came out to calm him down. Flair reminded of the character Pop from League of Gentlemen when he finds out that his son was robbed:



I was hoping at this point in the match that Kaz would start kicking the shit out of AJ, but alas, he took Flair away and we are left with hints of a feud between Kaz and AJ which could be pretty cool.

Next up was the match between Hardy/Anderson, sorry, the Enigmatic Assholes, and Beer Money. Even though they’d spent far too much time hyping this match up on Impact, I had completely forgotten about it by the time it came on. On the whole, this wasn’t a bad match; it was just a bit dull. Beer Money lost, and nobody cared.

Finally, we had the main event Rob van Dam versus Sting. I really wanted to see RVD get beaten to a pulp with a baseball bat, but it wasn’t my night. Unsurprisingly RVD won. Unsurprisingly RVD didn’t sell or display any in-ring psychology. Unsurprisingly, Rob Van Dam did that thing with his arms to get people to chant his initials at every available opportunity. Unsurprisingly, Van Dam did the same spots he was doing over a decade ago. Unsurprisingly, there was a ref bump and a run-in by Jarrett. Unsurprisingly, the match was unsurprising. The amount of times I groaned and tutted during this match made me sound like I was speaking some weird African dialect.

Woooo!!!! Mr TNA won!!!! Woooo!!!! RVD RVD RVD!!!!! Whole fucking show!!!! Woooo!!!!

I’m now officially sick of RVD. He got handed the championship and he’s a boring egomaniac. TNA have always bumped ex-WWE wrestlers to the top of their roster without realising that it is damaging for them in the long-run. TNA are doing the right thing with Jay Lethal, letting him find his feet then putting him over when he was ready. Rob Van Dam is not Mr TNA, at the moment, that would go to AJ, or Lethal, or Kaz, or whoever really. If TNA ever want to compete with WWE on a serious level, they need to put their own home grown talent above the ex-WWEers, otherwise they’ll always be seen as the company that repackages the WWE rejects. One of the reasons that WCW failed was because they didn’t spend enough time building up their own talent. The WWE spends time building characters up. Look at Steve Austin, who was the Ring Master when he came to WWE, or Reverend Batista, or Johnny Nitro, or Rocky Maivia, or Hunter Hirst Helmsley... you get the picture.

Ahh, it’s good to be back at the helm of the good ship Socko...