Promo of the week: "the quintessential stud muffin..."

I don't care what all the smark critics say, I really enjoyed TNA Hardcore Justice. This week's promo of the week award goes to Joel Gertner for his hilarious promo at the aforementioned PPV.

The video's not on YouTube, so I've uploaded it exclusively on here. Enjoy!

TNA: The whole F'ing Show - predictions revisited.

A few days ago I made my predictions for The Whole F’ing Show. Let’s see how I did:

Kurt Angle vs AJ Styles
“With the career stip, this match is pointless. I don’t care, this angle would have been much better had Angle worked through the ranks, had a few bumps along the way. I’ve said it before, they’re just a bunch of elaborate squash matches. Angle to win.”

I enjoyed this match, AJ and Angle always put on a great match together. But because of the career stip on all of Angle’s matches the result was obvious and therefore there was no drama. This could have been an awesome angle if they had done it right, idiots.
I’d give this match **** if it were not for the fact that all of these matches are positions for an Angle win, therefore: ***.
That’s 1/1 on the predictions...

Madison Rayne vs Angelina Love Knockout's Title
“If it’s not Angelina I’ll be pissed. Rayne is shit. I assume that TNA will swerve revealing the mysterious biker, though I’m pretty convinced it’s either Tara or Alyssa Flash (I would prefer the latter, that bitch is mean).”

Talk about being on the money. We got Angelina for the win and TNA swerved revealing the biker (though the crowd were chanting ‘Tara’ when she arrived).
**½, not a bad match, but the biker angle is starting to wear a bit thin.
2/2

Mr. Anderson vs Matt Morgan vs The Pope
“Pope really needs the win here, but this is TNA so I’m gonna go with Matt Morgan.”

Pope really needed this win, but because it’s TNA the winner was fan *ahem* favourite, Matt Morgan. The build-up to this match sucked, the match was pretty poor and the winner just struck me as retarded.
**
3/3 woop woop!

Jeff Hardy's Open Challenge
“I think that this will probably be either the debut of an ex-WWEer such as Shelton Benjamin, or more likely (this is TNA remember) they’ll get some crap undercard guy, maybe Shannon Moore or Suicide. Either way, Jeff to win.”

For fuck’s sake, I was joking about Shannon Moore. That was my nomination for worst case scenario. Let’s step back and look at this. I’m going to cut and paste the roster from Wikipedia and leave the ones who could have done this instead of Moore.


Amazing Red
Brian Kendrick
Desmond Wolfe
Douglas illiams
Eric Young
Hernandez
Homicide
y Lethal
Jeremy Buck
Jesse Neal
Kazarian
Kevin Nash
Magnus
Max Buck
Orlando Jordan
Rob Terry
Samoa Joe
Shark Boy
Sting
Suicide


Looking at the list, the only people who I’d rather see Shannon Moore versus Hardy more than is Rob Terroid, Kevin Nash and maybe Orlando Jordan... No wonder they didn’t reveal it beforehand, no one would have watched it.
Piss poor match, loads of their spots looked really contrived, they were out of time, and they just weren’t very convincing. Still, at least I was right about Jeff Hardy winning.
*
4/4

MCMG versus Beer Money
“Guns have got to win this and I think it will be one of the best matches of the night, if not the year.”

I was right, this was an excellent match and the the Guns retained the strap. This match proved why the Briscoes and the Kings of Wrestling need to go to TNA: TNA do tag-team better than anyone else at the moment.
****½
5/5 – holy shitting Christ, almost a full house... let’s see how I do in the main event.


Rob Van Dam vs Abyss Stairway To Janice Match for the TNA Heavyweight Title
“This match will be shit and RVD will hold on to the strap.”
Wow, TNA perhaps made the most obviously booked PPV (though not really a PPV) ever! This match was shit and RVD kept the strap and there was absolutely no point in Bischoff being ref...
**
6/6 – bang bang! I am Vince Russo!

The ending to The Whole F’ing Show looked pretty promising, with what can only be described as a reverse-invasion angle. Fortune plus Doug Williams and Morgan came in the ring and went to town on the old ECW guys. When I was watching the promo with Dreamer, my mate was saying, “switch it off, this is shit, or at least fast forward” – then the lights went out... “Sting? Sandman?” I’ll admit, this took me by surprise and was pretty entertaining. Hopefully RVD’s injuries are so serious that he will never be in TNA again, hopefully Sabu will stick around and kick some ass (though I didn’t like the fact he ‘broke character’ to do a promo).

Overall, this was an entertaining show. The Angle/AJ and Beer Money/MCMG stopped it from being shit.

*** overall

Next: Summerslam....

Review: TNA Hardcore Justice

I had my doubts; I thought that Hardcore Justice was probably going to be a Botchamania special. I thought you’d have a bunch of washed-up guys trying to recapture something that had long evaporated... but shit me, I was wrong.

I was never into ECW in the 90s. I was introduced to it by Socko writer That Clown from Outta Town in October 2000. We had some crazy times back then, and watching this PPV brought back a lot of long forgotten memories of kicking the shit with a great friend. Back then I firmly believed that wrestling was fake... all of it. I believed that it was all bullshit, but then Clown played me some of his ECW tapes. Crazy shit with Sandman, Rhino and Kid Kash stick in my head. I’d never seen anything like it – it opened my eyes. Clown’s room smelt of wet dog, we made bongs out of Pringles tubes, ate our bodyweights in microwave popcorn, debated whether Fred Durst was a complete cunt or an absolute cunt, lived days by the whim of a dice-roll and played the Brake Fast Bends level on Micro Machines until our thumbs bled. Fuck, we didn’t know how lucky we were to have that time on our hands. This PPV was meant to be a piece of nostalgia, and God damn it, it worked.

With the event opening we had ECW, sorry, EV2.0 (?!) announcer Stephen DeAngelis introduce the human suplex machine Taz – this guy can still wrestle on the mic, let me tell thee.

We’re living in an age when history is someone’s intellectual property. Can you imagine if Germany were to sue Britain every time someone mentioned Adolph Hitler or the Nazi Party? Or maybe if the French sued whenever the word Napoleon came up on a history show? ECW occurred, and it is part of history... the changing of names, and letters is so fucking redundant... but I digress...

So the first match was a six-man tag match: Full Blooded Italians versus Kid Kash, Johnny Swinger & Simon Diamond. This was pretty entertaining, it had a dance off in the middle, but at least the crowd were chanting ‘where’s my pizza’. Tracy Smothers looked incredibly droopy. If you can imagine a latter-day Terry Funk being sucked into a vertical wind tunnel, you might just get the look. Simon Diamond has also, ahem, put on a few pounds – even Taz remarked that he’d been ‘blown up’. The match wasn’t great, but it was entertaining. The dance off confused the fuck out of me, but Kid Kash did a crazy-ass dive onto the floor and Guido got the win with a Killswitch (I’m pretty sure it was, there was some debate).

Next up we had some crazy-ass promo with some old ECW people who couldn’t be arsed to be there. One such person was the Blue Meanie, who for some reason, they replaced in the actual show with some random fat guy. What the fuck? The backstage sequence with the (semi-fake) bWo and Al Snow saying "You can't even use the shirts! We're so sued..." nearly made me poo my pants off.

The we had some bullshit ‘I remember’ segments from TNA stars who were, like, totally into ECW, but never really got to see it, because they were, like, five years old. Saying that, knowing that Madison Rayne and Angelina Love really liked ECW gives me a nice warm feeling... Rayne was thirteen when ECW folded...

The second match of the night was CW Anderson versus Too Cold Scorpio. I’ll be honest, I have no fucking idea who CW Anderson was or is... I’m sure Clown will enlighten me (maybe even mark out) but I really didn’t know/remember this guy at all. He looked something like Arn/Mr/Ole Anderson, but that was it... Scorpio botched a few spots, but the match was pretty decent. A couple of superkicks and a moonsault-legdrop combo by Scorpio for the win. Not a bad match, but not great... still better than what WWE are doing these days.

Next up was Stevie Richards (accompanied by the fake Blue Meanie and Hollywood Nova) versus Justin Credible. This match took a bit to get going, but we did get Richards posting Justin... ouch! There’s a few suplexes, a few powerbombs, nothing too extreme. Then Stevie comes out with ‘enough of this shit’ and gets a Steviekick in for the win. Richards and Credible were out of sync throughout and the match was nothing to write home about. After losing, Credible started hitting Stevie with a kendo stick. In true Sting fashion, the lights went out and came back on to reveal the Sandman with a cane.

Back in the day there is no fucking way that the next match would been on a PPV: Spike Dudley versus Al Snow (with Head) versus Rhino in a three-way dance. Earlier on Snow had made some comments to (Doctor) Stevie Richards, asking if he knew a therapist, hilarious stuff. All I could think throughout this match was about how shit Al Snow is and how he’s the butt of every other joke in Foley’s first autobiography. The match itself was pretty shit, luckily it only lasted about 6 minutes. A lot of brawling, a nice Sliced Bread by Spike and Rhino got the win with a Gore.

Next up was Balls Mahoney & Axl Rotten versus Team 3D. 3D were accompanied to the ring by Joel Gertner who probably got the biggest crowd reaction of the night with his poetic reference to Lady Gaga. Funny shit. With the Dudley’s back in their old ring-gear they declared that it would be a street fight (I thought this was already meant to be extreme?) Most of this match was pretty poor, throughout most of it they had this fucking annoying split-screen thing going on. Directors take note: split screen is shit. In fact, not only was the split screen shit, the graphics for the whole show looked really amateurish. Once the match went to one screen it was pretty funny. There was a hilarious bit with toy light sabres which I am sure smark fans will hate, but I thought it was hilarious. The match culminated with the Dudley’s doing a Wassup Drop to get the pin. They then get a table, set it on fire and Powerbomb Balls through it. Classic Dudleys. On the whole, this was a bad match which was saved by a lot of old school references, comedy bits and after the match... New Jack! The Gangstas came in and interrupted 3D’s celebration with an impromptu match. Bins, staple guns, hockey sticks, and crutches all came into play. Gertner got smacked by a guitar... then there’s a stare-down... and a hug. How lovely.

Next up was Tommy Dreamer versus Raven with Mick Foley as special referee. This was a long match (about 17 minutes). In the most part, it wasn’t great but there were some awesome moments, mainly to do with creative use of barbed-wire: a cross-face using the stuff and Mr Socko wrapped in the stuff (even though Socko never appeared in ECW). Holy shit, there was some juice flowing in this one. The match ended with Raven getting the win with his Raven Effect DDT onto a chair.

There was a backstage vignette with the Gangstas, JB and SoCal Val. Mustafa grabbed Val by the hair and drags her off screen, what the fuck? Is the insinuation rape here? Is this what ECW was about. New Jack then scares JB. Pretty lame.

Finally, we have the main event RVD (with Fonzie) versus Sabu (with Fonzie). Sabu was bald and looked a bit like a Victorian strong-man, very odd. I have to say I really enjoyed this match, though I think Fonzie put on the best performances of the night, this guy’s great. The match was pretty much a best of Sabu versus RVD with them doing all of their best spots. Arabian Facebuster, Rolling Thunder with a steel chair, Van Assassin, and crazy dives over the guard rail were all in here. It was a bit sloppy around the edges, but the fact that these two guys can go like this says a lot. I was also reminded how good RVD can be when he can be arsed. RVD won with the Five Star Frog Splash and they hugged at the end.

At the end Dreamer and the rest of the ECW guys came out to thank the crowd (Dreamer now sporting a rather nasty looking black-eye). Dixie was brought into the ring and it was all lovely. Then the chants of ‘fuck you Vince’ finished it off nicely.

Joel Gertner and Fonzie proved something which I have thought for a good while: there are no decent wrestling managers anymore. TNA need some good managers to big up wrestlers who might not be the best on the mic but are awesome in the ring. This was attempted with Amazing Red and Dom West, but Red was pushed aside, ooh, around January time.

So, it didn’t quite look right being in the Impact Zone, and didn’t sound without Joey Styles on the announce table, and TNA couldn’t use the letters ECW in the order I’ve just written them, oh, and some of the names were a bit wrong... but fuck it, it was it was, and they put on a great show. Smarks will no doubt piss all over this because from a pure wrestling standpoint they weren’t great matches, but that wasn’t the fucking point. E C fuckin’ W.

That Clown from Outta Towan - iMPACT July 7th 2010

Another week, another iMPACT. To be honest, I can't remember a thing about last week's show, other than there's going to be an ECW-style PPV.

I'm hoping for a few details/matches to be revealed. I'm hoping Tommy Dreamer doesn't cry again.

I also hope they start with wrestling.

0:09 - Tommy on the mic again...
2:26 - They're giving Bubba a mic :D
7:21 - Bubba's promising fire :D
8:00 - Oh god, here comes Hogan to ruin the moment
11:17 - Phew, Abyss is here to save us from Hogan
11:55 - Looks like ECW weren't 'they' after all
14:17 - Looks like Dreamer v Abyss tonight :D Shame Dreamer's gonna get whooped - he's injured so this is probably how they're going to explain him not wrestling at the PPV.
16:37 - Knockouts...fast forwarding. I've given them plenty of chances, and regretted it every time.
22:10 - Eric Young's back...tagging with Orlando Jordan...TNA must really hate this guy's career. Jordan seems to have toned down his act considerably though, which can only be a good thing.
28:33 - The less said about that match the better.
29:54 - Flair v Lethal in a street fight? I was dubious last time, and it was a good match...but still, I'm dubious again.
33:58 - Global Championship is now the TV Title :) 2nd time the fucking thing's been renamed...
35:44 - Woop, Angle's here :D
36:40 - FUCK YEAH ANGLE v AJ :D
37:17 - Beer Money v Guns...this should be good, they've been owning it up for weeks. MCMG are clearly gonna win though.
39:28 - They're bothering with tagging in a cage match??
46:06 - That was awesome...best one of the series so far :) Looking forward to next week...
46:43 - Ugh, Anderson
46:57 - Oh wait, Matt Morgan...still ugh.
53:29 - Best low blow ever.
59:02 - Rob Terry just beat Kaz in under 30 seconds...fucking disgraceful.
60:27 - Anderson & Hardy v TNA Security is just silly...
66:33 - Ugh, Bischoff
20:05 - Yay, Abyss :) Please kill Bischoff with your pointy stick
70:23 - Nailboard ladder match haha
72:03 - Abyss was going to kill Bischoff, and RVD saved him, but RVD is a face and Abyss is a heel...that makes no sense at all. Anyone trying to kill Bischoff is ok in my book.
83:28 - Dreamer v Abyss was nothing to write home about...looks like it's Raven v Dreamer at the PPV though.

Overall, a very mediocre iMPACT. It was basically just the MCMG v Beer Money match, and nothing else interesting or significant. It wasn't terrible, it just wasn't good either

TNA Booking Sliding Down Hill(Booking Review for Impact 7-29-2010)

I love TNA, its my favorite wrestling promotion as far as content and characters go. And I have been cheering for TNA to get to the top for so long. But this ECW thing(to) me seems to be pushing the "TNA" wrestlers aside for not only a whole pay-per-view but almost a whole show....But who's to say this isn't a good thing...Just check the ratings! Maybe if done right and somehow fused with whats ACTUALLY going on in TNA this thing might work.

(EV 2.0 Promo)
This weeks Impact opens up with Tommy Dreamer and the rest of the Hardcore Superstars(as well as Brother Devon of Team 3D). Dreamer says due to some confusion with "letters of the Alphabet" and of course legal issues, Tommy and his band of Extreme fans will now be known as EV 2.0. He thanks Devon for rejoining the family, and asks whats going on with Brother Ray. Devon says he doesn't know and procedes to call Brother Ray out to the ring.Ray comes out but does not get into the ring. Tommy Dreamer and Brother Ray go back and forth about how they are best friends, and Dreamer even compares the reunion to KISS putting on the makeup and getting together one more time. Mick Foley tries to convince him by saying that when he looks back on his career he will regret not doing this show(HARDCore Justice). Even TAZ from the announce table gets a mic and just tells Brother Ray to just get in the ring.Bubba goes to the ring and grabs a mic and asks Devon are they going to light somebody on fire? Devon nods yes as the crowd starts chanting EV 2.0, and Bubba says what the hell, he’s in, and Bubba and Devon embrace and then Bubba goes around and high fives everyone. But wait here comes Hulk Hogan(surprise, he's not dead) he gets a mic as well and says how cool it is that the ECW guys are going to ride again and he thanks them for doing so in TNA. Hogan says that since everyone is in a giving mood Eric Bischoff has a big annoucement later on. Here comes Abyss with Janice, and he hates to break up the extreme reunion, but he’s here to tell you that they are not happy, and they are downright pissed off because this reunion was never a part of their plan and wasn’t supposed to happen, and there’s one person they hold responsible, and it’s not Tommy Dreamer, it’s not Mick Foley, and it’s not any of the fans or even Hulk Hogan, the one person they hold responsible is Dixie Carter. Hogan says he could care less what they say, and as far as he’s concerned, Abyss should hit the road and get his head checked because right now, Tommy Dreamer is a guest of theirs at TNA and nothing’s going to go down until the PPV. Abyss says they have given him strict orders tonight to take Tommy Dreamer out, and therefore there will be no Hardcore Justice. Hogan repeats that Dreamer is their guest and he’s not going to step up until he’s good and ready…but wait, Dreamer says that he would love to fight Abyss tonight, so if Dixie and Hulk will allow it, he says let’s do it for everybody. Looks like we have our main event for tonight! Okay that was a pretty lengthy opening segment especially because MOST of it had nothing to do with "TNA"...good to see Abyss this week after him not being on the show last week. Didn't like that promo too much.... 2 out of 5.

(Beautiful People Backstage Segment)
Backstage Lacey Von Erich is telling Velvet Sky this has to stop right now and Velvet says it will never end, and then Madison Rayne comes in and says none of this will end unless they stay BFFs. Madison says they have all the Knockouts Titles and asks why they can’t stick together. Velvet comes up with several reasons, not the least of which is Madison hanging out with Dumpy Ass and Sarita. Madison tries to reason with them and Velvet isn’t having it, and says it’s going to take a lot more than sorry. Madison and Lacey keep apologizing and finally Velvet says they have a truce and they share a group hug. Still intrigued by whats going on with them, I guess we will see in the coming weeks. I give the booking of this segment a 3 out of 5.

(#1 Contender’s Match: Sarita vs Angelina Love )
I like this match already, and its good to see Sarita in a non-tag team match. Angelina with a shoulderblock right off the bat and they do a pinfall exchange sequence and do a standoff. Sarita hides behind the ref and nails Angelina, whipping her into the ropes but Angelina ducks a clothesline and gets a rollup for 2 Sarita drop toeholds Angelina into the ropes and kicks her in the gut. Sarita works Angelina over in the corner and snapmares her for 2. Sarita takes Angelina down and drops several elbows before getting a rear chinlock. Angelina fights out but Sarita with a full rotation back suplex for 2. Sarita tries another rollup with a handful of tights but the ref catches her and refuses to count. Angelina escapes another suplex attempt and spears Sarita, then gets a running elbow, spinkick, and a flying clothesline, and she gets the Botox Injection for 3. Angelina Wins!! Good booking, these two are obviously the two best singles knockouts besides Madison Rayne right now. Some may disagree but Sarita is just not ready for a title shot until her heel turn is complete. I give the booking of this match a 3 out of 5

(Eric Young/Orlando Jordan Backstage Segment)
Eric Young is backstage goofing around and Orlando Jordan, ORLANDO JORDAN, says he needs Young to be focused and stop goofing around. Eric says he’s not all there right now because of all the head trauma he’s suffered recently, and Orlando says “Yeah, and they say I have problems.” Okay the segment was quite funny and its taking me back to the old EY I remember from back in the day. Another pretty average...but funny backstage segment. I give it a 3 out of 5

(Ink Inc vs Orlando Jordan & Eric Young)
So apparently Eric Young took a bump off of the top rope during Xplosion and that made him go loopy...but anyway.Orlando Jordan comes to the ring and puts his gum in So Cal Val’s mouth, and he is followed by Eric Young carrying…a naked mannequin with a feather boa, whic he props up next to him in his corner, so I guess this is a handicap match. Jordan goes right to work on Jesse Neal and beats him down, then snapmares him and we HIT THE CHINLOCK! Jordan with a swinging neckbreaker as we see that both Young and the mannequin are reaching out for the tag. Jordan straddles Jesse, but Shannon Moore comes in and boots Jordan, and one chinbreaker later, Jesse has made the hot tag, and the mannequin is legal! Young tosses him off the top rope and he burts into pieces, so Ink Inc knocks Young off the top rope and Moore hits the Mooregasm for the win. Didn't really get why this match was even booked for Impact in the first place, Seems like TNA's booking isn't making sense again. So I give the booking of this match a 2 out of 5. BTW why is OJ still in TNA...Just a thought....

(Eric Young Post Match Segment)
Young crawls over to the destroyed mannequin and throws up the X to indicate that the mannequin is badly injured and needs a stretcher as we go to commercial. LOL at Eric Young he is truly back. I give this segment a 3 out of 5.

(Fortune Promo)
We’re back, and Ric Flair is in the ring with AJ Styles, Frankie Kazarian, and Beer Money, and he says that we all know that Flair is a wrestling god and genius, so he always has a return match clause, and next week it’s going to be Jay Lethal and Ric Flair in a Street Fight with no rules. Flair is prepared to bleed and sweat, which is good because that’s all he can do anymore. Now, it’s time to introduce the final two members of Fortune: Beer Money. So basically, it’s the four guys we all knew it would be. Flair hands Bobby Roode the mic and he says it’s an honor, but they knew it was only a matter of time before they joined up with Flair since they’re the greatest team in the business today (not named Briscoes or Kings Of Wrestling…that’s my opinion, anyway), and tonight they’re going to beat the Motor City Machine Guns for the third time in a row, and will become four time (WOO), four time (WOO), four time (WOO), four time (WOO) TNA World Tag Team Champions. Now Flair introduces the new Global Champion AJ Styles and Frankie Kazarian, and Kazarian says they’re not a gang of angry rookies(lolz Nexus), they’re four seasoned vets who are the best in the TNA Galaxy. AJ takes the mic and says that they’re the best because Ric Flair deserves the best and deserves respect, and out of that respect, he’s going to restore credibility to the Global Title. He renames it the Television Title, and starting next week and every week and PPV after that, he will defend the title and it starts next week with Rob Terry…that is, if Terry can get past Kazarian tonight. Flair closes it by telling the girls that they’ll be at the hotel tonight and will be running all night long. Wait a minute…here comes Kurt Angle and he looks serious. Angle says he’s glad to hear that AJ will honor that title, but he should know that Angle needs to honor his commitment as well, which means climbing the ladder in TNA and regaining the TNA World Title. Unfortunately for AJ, he’s next in line, and that’s real…that’s damn real. Awesome promo I think the Television Title is a better name for it and it should be defended on TV every week but I doubt TNA will do that....Good to see Kurt Angle. I give the Fortune Promo a 4 out of 5.

(Best of 5 Series Match #3 Beer Money vs Motor City Machine Guns)
After commericial we move on to our next match and it's a cage match! Beer Money is up two to nothing in this best of five series. Beer Money is already in the cage, the Motor City Machine Guns music hits and they are climbing up the cage but Roode and Storm don't see them.......I have to say this is good booking, we have seen a variety of matches and these two teams have put on some good matches so far. The Guns dive off the cage onto Beer Money to start, then ram both members of Beer Money into the cage. Series of fast double team moves on Storm, and then a springboard dropkick on Roode sends him crashing into the cage and he’s busted open already. Shelley goes for Sliced Bread #2, but Storm escapes and gets a hanging neckbreaker off the second rope for 2. Storm rams Shelley into the turnbuckle and pounds him in the face as we see Roode bleeding, then tags in Roode, who comes in with a stiff kick to the guy of Shelley. Beer Money with a slam/elbowdrop/kneedrop combo for 2. Storm comes in and pops Shelley in the mouth then tags Roode back in and we HIT THE CHINLOCK! Shelley fights his way free, but Roode nails him and puts him up top and goes for a superplex, but Shelley rams Roode into the cage several times and hits a top rope Frankensteiner.Shelley makes the hot tag and Sabin comes in and cleans house, hitting a top rope dropkick on both men. Sabin puts Roode in the corner, hangs Storm upside down in front of him, hits a Yakuza Kick to Roode, a delayed baseball slide to Storm, and then Shelley tries Sliced Bread #2 on Roode but Roode escapes and kills Sabin with a lariat. Roode and Shelley go up top but Shelley rams Roode facefirst into the cage and hits a double stomp off the top onto Roode. MCMG with more double team moves on Beer Money but Sabin misses one and then Storm hits a Spinning slam on Shelley and powerbombs Sabin into the cage, and then Storm follows that with a lungblower for a very close 2. Beer Money tries to escape but Shelley goes up and tosses Roode off, then gives Storm a jawbreaker off the top. Sabin climbs to the top of the cage and hits a crossbody off the top on both men and all four are down. That should have been the finish. Storm goes for a shot with the beer bottle, but Sabin moves and Storm nails Roode, and the MCMG hit the doubler stomp/neckbreaker to pick up the win. This was a an excellently booked match these two tag-teams are obviously the best in the world right now....I give the booking of this match a 5 out of 5...Keep it up guys

(Matt Morgan/Mr.Anderson/Jeff Hardy segment)
After commercial, we are introduced to Mr Anderson…wait, it’s Matt Morgan coming out to Anderson’s music. I bet he’s going to impersonate him. He goes for the mic and the guy who controls the mic refuses to drop it, so Morgan yells at the guy and finally he drops it and Morgan can grab the mic. Yep, he impersonates Anderson and introduces himself. Now Anderson’s music hits again, and here he comes for real and when he puts his hand up, he gets a damn mic, and he demonstrates how easy it was by having it raise up, and then calling for it to drop again, and says he doesn’t know what Morgan’s problem is but he’s coming down to the ring to find out. Morgan asks if he finds it ironic that the mic in Morgan’s hand was what left Anderson in a pool of his own blood. Morgan says Anderson wants to hit him and take out the Big Bad Wolf, and Morgan offers to bend over and put his jaw out and Anderson can pop him in the jaw for free, but he knows that Anderson is too scared to do it. Morgan keeps egging Anderson on, so Anderson drops down and punches Morgan in the nuts instead. Anderson jumps on Morgan and rains rights down onto Morgan’s head and starts mocking him, but Morgan catches Anderson with a clawhold and starts choking him out, then puts the boots to him. Morgan takes the mic and uses the cord to choke Anderson out, but now Jeff Hardy comes out to make the save and he kicks the crap out of Morgan, and then Anderson recovers and he joins in. Security comes out and pulls Anderson and Hardy off, and Morgan uses the opening to cheapshot Anderson. Hardy and Anderson dive back on Morgan and security gets a little too physical trying to pull them back off, leading to the TNA agents coming out and breaking the brawl up and chewing security out. Kind of out there scenario, almost seemed like it was thrown together at the last minute, and I'm sure this isn't a part of the main storyline, I give this segment a 3 out of 5

(Mr. Anderson/Jeff Hardy Backstage Segment)

We are back from commercial and immediately brought backstage to an interview with Anderson and Hardy. Christy Hemme asks them about how they felt about TNA Security's overly physical invovement in their brawl just moments ago. Anderson says they’ve been trying to get into wrestling for the last ten years and they wanted to be seen, so tonight they get their wish because they get to face Anderson and Hardy, and Anderson wants them to bring Matt Morgan with them...Nice a match making interview pretty average 3 out of 5

(Kazarian vs Rob Terry)
Back in the Impact Zone we have ourselves another match. Kazarian vs Rob Terry.The ref kicks AJ out of ringside, and Kazarian dropkicks Terry from behind, but Terry shrugs Kazarian off and gives him a really ugly chokeslam for a disgustingly easy win. Good booking as far as the match up went since Kazarian cost Terry the Television Title just last week. Too short of a match though and it contradicts Fortunes good promo earlier but I give the booking of this match a 3 out of 5

(Matt Morgan, Gunner and Murphy vs. Mr. Anderson and Jeff Hardy)
HEY I THOUGHT BISCHOFFS ANNOUNCEMENT WAS NEXT??? AWWW MAN. So not only do we have security booked in a match vs. two of TNA's top stars, but THE KING OF WALKOUT Matt Morgan is on their team....I already don't like this.Morgan starts and he wants Anderson, so Anderson obliges. They circle one another…and Morgan tags Murphy in. Then Murphy tags Gunner in, and they finally tie up, Gunner fires Anderson off into the ropes and Anderson takes him down with a shoulderblock and a swinging neckbreaker for 2. Gunner tags to Murphy who comes in and starts pounding away on Anderson and rams some shoulders into Anderson’s midsection in the corner, but tries one time too many and Anderson moves and rolls Murphy up for 2. Hardy tags in and they go for Poetry In Motion but Murphy clotheslines Hardy out of midair and tags Gunner in, but Hardy catches him with the Whisper In The Wind for 2. Tag back out to Anderson and the Security double team Anderson but Hardy breaks it up. Morgan gets bored and decides to wander off and leave the jobbers all alone, so Anderson hits the Mic Check on Gunner, followed by a Swanton from Hardy for the win. I give the booking of this match a 2 out of 5

(Hulk Hogan Backstage interview)
Christy is backstage and wants to find out from Hulk Hogan what Eric Bischoff’s big announcement is going to be, but Hogan’s leaving for a big meeting in New York, presumably to try and leverage a better deal out of Vince, but he’ll be back next week and he’ll have a few things to say about Bischoff’s announcement then. No point for this interview since Hogan seemed to be in such a rush....c'mon TNA the shows not live try not to make things seem rushed....1 out of 5

(Eric Bischoff In-Ring Announcement)
We go to Eric Bischoff in the ring with Miss Tessmacher, and it’s time for his big announcement: on August 12th at 9pm EST, we’ll see something we’ve never seen before, because Dixie Carter inspired Eric Bischoff by announcing Hardcore Justice, and he was inspired because Dixie gave back to the fans, and Hogan and Bischoff can give back too, so they called up SpikeTV and arranged for a PPV quality show right here on Impact, so on August 12th, the main event will be…uh oh, here comes Abyss with Janice and Bischoff looks somewhat uncomfortable. Abyss grabs Bischoff’s mic and says that he just got done talking to Them and They want him to make the main event for August 12th, and that will be Abyss challenging Rob Van Dam in a Ladder Match with Janice hanging above the ring. Bischoff tries to protest, but Abyss says They have told him that Bischoff is the only one who can make it happen, so he asks if Bischoff will make it happen, or does he want to feel the wrath of Janice? Bischoff says all right, he’ll make the match, so Abyss tells him he chose wisely and Abyss starts to leave, but then stops and tells Bischoff that Abyss is okay with him, but Janice doesn’t appreciate when he bitchslapped Abyss recently, so she’s going to show him what a real bitch is. Suddenly, RVD’s music hits and here comes the champ with a chair, and he jumpkicks Abyss off the top rope and puts the boots to him. RVD beats Abyss down in the corner and baseball slides a chair into him, and Abyss bails to the floor, so RVD goes after him again and dives off the ropes, but Abyss moves and RVD crashes hard onto the guardrail. The TNA agents come out to back Abyss off, and here comes Tommy Dreamer, and Al Snow hands Janice to Tommy as he comes to the ring for the main event, which is NEXT. Great segment Abyss is running SHIT right now...glad they changed his character back...and the announcement well take what you want from it....But Abyss coming out and making Bischoff look like a bitch....PRICELESS...a 4 out of 5.

(Hardcore Rules Match: Abyss vs Tommy Dreamer)
Dreamer is creaming Abyss with a trashcan lid when we come back from commercial, but Abyss picks him up and crotches him on the guardrail. They head back in the ring, which is full of plunder, and Abyss wedges a chair in the corner, but turns around into a trashcan, but Abyss barely registers it before picking Dreamer up and giving him a side suplex onto another trashcan. Abyss whacks him with a cookie sheet, then follows that with a shot from a Singapore Cane. Abyss with a neck vice and Dreamer fights his way out, but Abyss throttles him for a chokeslam, Dreamer fights his way out and hits a crossbody and nails him with another…metal thing. Dreamer with a big clothesline lays Abyss out for 2, but eats elbow on a charge and gets rammed into the chair in the corner. Abyss goes up top, but Tommy knocks him off and crotches him, then hangs Abyss in the Tree of Woe and nails him in the nuts with the Singapore Cane, then puts the trash can in front of Abyss and baseball slides the can into his face. Dreamer goes under the ring and grabs a barbed wire board and tosses it in the ring, then gets back in and nails Abyss with the cane again. He sets up the board and goes to pick up Abyss, but his leg gives out and Abyss clotheslines him. Abyss goes out to ringside and grabs Janice and does “YOU!” and swings Janice, but Tommy moves and rolls Abyss up for 2. He sets Janice up in the corner and whips Abyss into her, but Abyss puts on the breaks and punches a trash can into Tommy’s face, then chokeslams him on the barbed wire board for the win. If Dreamer's hurt why is he in the ring? You know if it wasn't for Abyss, I would give this match a two....instead I'll give the booking of this match a 3 out of 5.

(Tommy Dreamer/Abyss Post-Match Segment)
Raven’s music hits and he comes running out with a chair and he and Abyss face off, but Raven turns around and nails Tommy, then gives him the DDT on a chair and with that, we’re off the air. Okay It's hard to tell if Raven is involved with Abyss or reigniting his ages old feud with Dreamer....I'll go with the latter... 2 out of 5

Okay so i've been really late on my booking reviews....I'm in the process of moving but I'll try to keep up. As i've said before I'm not a big fan of this ECW thing...and heck i'll be glad when it's over... Looking forward to August 12th though....

ECW Angle Overshadowing Great Progress in the Ring

Hey guys Chris Wilson here, I know it, I'm a few days late but I'm finally back with my booking/segments and promos review for the July 22nd Impact. For those of you who are not familiar with my ratings scheme from my previous review here it is again. TNA's show format is a little different compared to the WWE's so there may be some obvious differences from my first review but all in all it will be good fun.

I'm rating from 1 to 5, 1 being boring , 2 being lackluster, 3 being average, 4 entertaining, and 5 being must watch.


Impact starts off with a video package of Abyss's recent rampage over the weeks. This was a pretty cool looking video and a great way to remind people of imo a long overdue heel turn by him. Although I enjoyed the video package i'm going to give this segment a 3 out of 5. I would have given it a 4, and later on I'll tell you guys why I didn't.

Okay our first match of the night AJ Styles vs. Rob Terry(c) for the Global Championship. I love title matches guys, and when a show starts off with one it's even better. Styles and Kazarian come out together and I'm instantly intrigued. A recap of Styles pinning Terry at Victory Road quickly plays, So I go okay that must be the reason for the match. At first I thought to myself that a Styles vs Terry match would be weird, but once Rob Terry showcased his power game it was on. Then AJ began to display his althleticism as the match went on. Soon enough Terry catches Styles off a springboard with a military press. AJ counters a chokeslam with a right hand and hits an enzuigiri. AJ gets distracted and turns around into a huge spin kick. Terry goes for the cover but Kaz distracts the ref. Terry takes out Kaz, and that allows AJ to roll up Terry for a two count. Terry goes for a suplex, but Kaz trips the leg and AJ falls on him for the pin. The booking of this match gets a 3 out of 5.... Although I agree with Rob Terry dropping the Global Title(mainly because you see AJ more on TV) the match was too short. AJ deserves to have some gold on him but in the future TNA should try to build up such a match before putting it on at the beginning of the show.

What's going on with the Beautiful People??? IDK lets ask Madison Rayne....Madison Rayne and Sarita are in the back, Madison makes fun of Velvet, and Velvet and Lacey are standing right behind her. Velvet says if she's got something to say, say then she should say it to her face. Madison says she's not afraid to say anything. Madison is exicited because she's going to get her Knockout's Title back. Madison says she has a match to get ready for. Interesting BP segment I'm curious to see if things are headed for BREAKUP or ANOTHER REFORM. This backstage segment gets a 4 out of 5.

Next Dixie Carter is in the back arguing with some guys(who are road agents, and I think I saw Terry Taylor i'm not sure though), including Al Snow and D'Lo Brown. Dixie said Al punched a ref. Someone closes the door. Although I'm not digging the ECW angle, I'm giving this a 4 out of 5. Mainly because I believe TNA is breaking ground with some their segments....mainly making the backstage stuff seem more real.

Our next match is a Knockouts match... Taylor Wilde and Angelina Love vs. Madison Rayne and Sarita. Number one....EXECELLENT BOOKING, 4 of the best singles Knockouts in the ring at one time is always a good thing. If you have been watching TNA for the last two years, you'll know it's the case of two tag teams that switched partners. And not only that but Madison Rayne got her Knockouts Title back....the hard way. Earl Hebner has a mic. He says that the Board of Directors has instructed him that they have no proof that the person who attacked her was a member of the Beautiful People, so she must surrender the belt. Angelina hits Madison with a right and the match starts. These four ladies were very intense throughout the match..but in the end Angelina hits the Lights Out(my favorite womens finisher) on Madison Rayne as Angelina Love claims victory for herself and Taylor Wilde. The booking of this match gets a 4 out of 5

After the match our mystery biker shows up again.She comes up to ringside. Lacey and Velvet are on the entrance ramp. Sarita and Madison attack Angelina and Taylor. The mystery woman joins in on the action too. As they start to leave. Madison tells Lacey to come with them, and she doesn't know what to do. She leaves with Madison, and Velvet looks pissed. Angelina and Velvet make eye contact. oooh yes OG BP's meeting eyes at the end of this.....Who's the mystery biker?....and even further down the road will Velvet and Angelina reunite????How many good matches could we be treated to via a Taylor Wilde/Sarita feud?? Good post match segment way to inject some excitement in the Knockouts scene again... So many questions one answer 4 out of 5

Mike Tenay hypes up the next match as Dreamer, Raven, Rhino, Stevie and Foley are walking in the back. What is the next match you ask? Kurt Angle vs Hernandez...Kurt Angle (#8) vs Hernandez (#7) that is... They Tie up at the start, and Hernandez pushes Angle into the corner. Angle takes down Hernandez and locks in the front headlock. Hernandez drives Angle into the corner. European uppercuts by Kurt. Angle elevates Hernandez to the apron. This is followed by an explosive slingshot shoulderblock by the big man. Right hands by Kurt, but he runs right into a brick wall. Hernandez follows with a delayed over the shoulder backbreaker. Pin but only two. Right hands by Kurt. Clothesline in the corner connects. Hernandez lifts himself to the top. Angle follows him up but gets pushes down. Angle runs back up and gets the belly to belly suplex off the top. Pin but only two. Angle ducks a shot and hits a german. And another. Trifecta, but he's not done. Fourth one will finish it. Pin but Hernandez kicks out at two. Angle Slam countered. Inverted sitout side powerslam connects. Border Toss coming up, but Angle slides down the back and hits the Angle Slam but only gets a 2 count Angle goes to the top. Moonsault misses. Huge shoulder block connects. Delayed vertical suplex by Hernandez countered by Angle into the Ankle Lock. Hernandez taps and Angle wins! I liked this match Kurt Angle has been good with all of his opponents since he has declared his rise to the top of the top 10 rankings. Good Booking a 4 out of 5.

Post match, Angle celebrates his win, but here comes Kevin Nash. Angle shakes hands with Nash as he walks back up the ramp. Taz makes mention of mutual respect from the past of the Main Event Mafia. Nash says he's seen Jarrett in the back and would like to talk to him. We're heading to commercial. Out comes Jeff Jarrett. Nash says he's had a week to think about what went down, and something didn't feel right. Jarrett is amazing and really good at what he does, he almost had Nash convinced that it was Sting's fault. Nash isn't sure if it was Sting's fault or Jarrett's. Nash says he can deal with it, but there's a group of young guys who look up to Jeff and they are the victims. Jarrett says he has no idea what he's talking about. He's not buying it, and he's sure these people aren't buying. It was Kevin Nash that screwed Hulk and Eric when he did what he did to get Hall and Waltman jobs. He used his deceit to screw this company. Jeff knows him though, and these people know him. Nash says he's come to his conclusion, he gets it and can live with it. Those three young daughters of Jeff's though, when they grow up and they get it, and they realize that their father is nothing but a selfish prick, and tells Jarrett to juggle that in his sleep. Nash leaves the ring. Ummmm does this have anything to do with the ECW guys coming??? lol what is Nash talking about??? Honestly I didn't care and this kind of took away from the two good matches that were booked before this segment. a 2 out of 5.

Next up Samoa Joe vs. Jeff Hardy, FIRST TIME EVER!!!, i like that. This one's got a ten minute time limit. Jeff rolls to the outside and high fives the fans. Eric Bischoff is joining commentary via telephone(I found this a little weird judging the caliber of match being put on) This match went back and forth between these two. Joe seems to take the advantage as the match wears into crunch time. Joe flexes to the crowd. Both guys trade shots now. Samoan Drop countered into a Twist of Fate attempt, but Joe counters that into the Coquina Clutch. Hardy rams Joe into the corner. Whisper in the Wind connects. 30 seconds are left in the match. Both guys are trading shots now. 10 seconds, The bell rings and the match is declared a time limit draw. Great booking!!! once again I'm liking the booking people to face each other for the first time its a big breathe of fresh of air. All you IWC complaining about TNA giving these matches away, SIT DOWN, SHUT UP, and WATCH THIS ONE. I give the booking of this match a 5 out 5.....Maybe a future feud to come....fingers crossed!!! Joe is pissed. Hardy takes off his shirt and goes straight after Joe. The ref pulls Hardy off.

After the match Jarrett and Dixie are in the back. Dixie says everyone was disappointed last week. Dixie needs everyone to stop thinking that this isn't a good thing. Jarrett says he's got it. This segment didn't really interest me but I'm going to give it a 3 out of 5.... Lets find out what Dixie means....

The next match features Matt Morgan vs. The #3 Contender Mr. Anderson. Again this is good booking. Mr. Anderson is doing some of the best work in his career so far in TNA.Anderson goes for a roll up, but Morgan kicks out quick. Another roll up and another quick kick out. Headlock by Anderson. Morgan pushes Anderson into the corner and goes on the attack. Elbows in the corner by Morgan. Taz lets out a "vintage". Clothesline in the corner and a sidewalk slam follows. Pin but only two. Anderson fights back with the rights. Knee by Morgan to the gut. Anderson ducks a clothesline but gets caught on the crossbody attempt. Fallaway slam connects. Pin but only two. Morgan's now taunting Anderson. Short arm clothesline by Morgan. And another. Anderson counters a discuss clothesline with the Mic Check. Pins him and wins.
I give the booking of this match a 4 out of 5. After the match Anderson turns around and Morgan clocks him with the mic. He then drops it on Anderson and poses on top of him.

Our final match involves TNA World Tag Team Champions The Motor City Machine Guns vs Beer Money Inc.(Best of 5 Series/Beer Money leads 1-0) I have actually been waiting to see this, and even better off it's a street fight. Later in the match Beer Money goes for a double superplex, but Sabin runs in and knocks Storm to the outside. MADE IN DETROIT and the Pin but there's no ref. Storm nails Shelley with the beer bottle. Superkick to Sabin! Storm revives the ref as Roode pins Shelley for the win. I liked the match and the fact that the Guns pulled off some sick moves.....4 out of 5

Team 3D are in the back (Ray has a LAX shirt on). Devon asks where was Ray at the end of the show last week. He wants to know if Ray has their back. Ray asks why would he want to have their back? What do they have left to prove. They've done more than they've ever had. Now although Team 3D are former ECW guys they have been at odds lately..I just don't get what TNA is doing with them at the moment....3 out of 5

Our next backstage interview has Christy Hemme is in the back with RVD. Christy asks him how it felt last week to be with ECW. Rob says it was awesome. It was like being home. He's so proud of that part of his career. To have that here as he's world champion, he's very happy. He says he's very excited to hear what Dixie's news is, but he doesn't know. He's hoping it's got something to do with what he's thinking. He doesn't know what Dixie's gonna say and he doesn't want to miss out on it. He's got the belt, and Abyss wants it. He has to have eyes in the back of his head....3 out 5 To much talking about ECW hey Rob you're the TNA World Champion try talking more about that.

Finally at the end of the show Dixie Carter comes out and addresses the fans and soon enough invites Tommy Dreamer, Rhino, Stevie Richards, Raven and Mick Foley to the ring. Dixie says she invited them to come and tell the fans what they mean to them. Foley thanks Dixie for giving him another chance to make a last impression, and he congratulates Dixie on cutting her first promo and Dixie says she's just being real. Tommy Dreamer gets on the mic and says this isn't about an ECW Invasion its about the men and women who lost their jobs(but it sure didn't seem that way last week) For one night, give them one night to show them the world what they had and their legacy can live forever. He begs of her. Do you guys want one night? The crowd's going nuts. Dixie says you can't come out here and get emotional like that. She asks the fans if they want to do this. They agree. She has one stipulation. They plan it all. It has to be real and what they want. Nothing that has to do with TNA. Tommy Dreamer says "Impact Zone, we're going extreme". Dreamer hugs Dixie Carter and Impact ends. Tommy Dreamer did a good job, but this ECW thing has lost it's flavor...I felt that emotion in 05 when the WWE brought them back...NOT NOW...This promo gets a 3 out of 5

All in all a good show Great matches being booked ONE PROBLEM. This ECW thing is overshadowing the great matches in the ring. Where the hell was Abyss why show a video package about him and he not even appear. I have a bad feeling about this ECW thing.

Clown Says: TNA's ECW invasion

EDIT: Everything in this post is bullshit. On this week's iMPACT, they revealed that it's not going to be an invasion angle, but instead they're doing a hardcore PPV as booked by Tommy Dreamer & Co.

This was written before that announcement, on the false premise that an invasion angle was going to occur. People reporting made up rumours and conjecture as news, I guess. Anyway, I'll leave it up for the sake of posterity or whatever, but it's about future events that never actually occurred so don't take it too seriously.

It looks like we have some new blood here at Socko's. Hi and welcome to the new guys. Sadly, they all seem to be writing about WWE so I don't have a clue what they're on about, but I'm sure it's all very astute commentary. Or something.

So. ECW invasion. I don't like the idea for two reasons:

1. I'm an ECW fan.
2. I'm a TNA fan.

Let's look at them in order.

ECW was the best wrestling promotion I've ever seen. It was revolutionary, it changed the face of pro wrestling forever, it was a genuine alternative to the corporate-approved 'sports entertainment' nonsense that is so pervasive today. That said, ECW is dead. ECW has been dead for nine years. No amount of corpse-humping is going to bring ECW back.

Most people seem to misunderstand why ECW was so great. They think it was just hardcore matches, blood and barbed wire. That was a part of it, sure, but that's not the reason it was so popular. The real reason is that it was the only wrestling show (and to this day, still is) that didn't patronise it's fans. We all know wrestling is an act. So to keep using the same old tropes - that only exist because back in the day people thought it was real - week in, week out, is ridiculous.

Take ref bumps. When have you ever seen one man bumping into another knock him out for four minutes? Never. It doesn't happen. If someone gets bowled over, they stand back up again. In any kind of sports event, if the referee goes down the match stops. Can you imagine a game of football where the ref is knocked out by an accidental collision, one team scores a goal but it doesn't count because the ref didn't see it? It would absolutely never happen, and it shouldn't ever happen in wrestling again because it's so ridiculous and staged that any legitimacy the match had goes right out the window.

The same goes for the ref getting distracted by an attractive woman at ringside, blinded with beer, etc.

ECW did away with all that, by making everything legal. People want to see chair shots, people going through tables, run-ins etc, and ECW gave it to them, but it didn't patronise them with the 'oh the ref's down' nonsense that ruins so many otherwise enjoyable matches. If you want to use a chair, just fucking use it.

It's not the chair shots that were great, it's the fact they didn't insult us in order to work them into the match.

Another great thing about ECW was that the wrestlers were allowed to develop an in-ring personality. Not a goofy gimmick that they could show off in promos, but a personality that comes across with the moves they choose to use. Not, 'Oh, I'm a pimp', 'Oh I'm a gangster', 'Oh, I'm whatever whatever', or fake crap like that. In ECW they were all just wrestlers, their personality came across during matches, not via their gimmicks. Of course there were gimmicks, the FBI, Roadkill, etc. but you didn't need a gimmick to have a character. Look at Sabu - never said a fucking word, yet is one of the most recognisable and unique wrestlers of all time, as far as his wrestling style goes.

TNA is not going to stop patronising the fans. Just look at the stupid double-pin-restart-match ending to the MCMG v Beer Money match at the last PPV. TNA loves to take the piss out of it's fanbase.

TNA is not going to stop using gimmicks and catchphrases. Ever. Pope is pimping. I'm an asshole. That's why I'm the blueprint. Styling and profiling. Whoooooooo!

TNA is not going to throw the rulebook out the window.

ECW is dead.

I also don't think the angle will be good for TNA.

The X-Division is seemingly dead - who is left now? Doug, Red, Kendrick...I think that might be it. Homicide is 'injured' at the hands of Matt Morgan. MCMG and Gen Me are tag teams (even though they fill in as X-Division to make up the numbers), AJ, Joe, Kaz, Pope and Jay Lethal are all heavyweights now, Daniels is gone, Petey Williams has been gone for a long time, god knows what the deal with Eric Young is...hell, even Shark Boy has been gone for ages.

The X-Division is the jewel in TNA's crown, or at least it used to be. Hungry, talented young wrestlers giving every match everything they have because they desperately want to make a career in wrestling and this is their one big chance to get noticed. It is the reason I became a TNA fan.

There are too many distractions now for the X-Division to be a big deal. The heavyweights roster is unbelievably bloated, and the Knockouts which is now just the Beautiful People past & present, Taylor, and Sarita, but still gets more airtime than the X-Division on a weekly basis. Plus now the bookers (Hogan and Bischoff) want face time, as well as Dixie, Flair...and now the ECW invasion angle is going to push what was once TNA's main selling point even further down the ladder.

Also, TNA have proven that bringing in big names does not equal more fans. They brought in Hogan, Bischoff, RVD, Jeff Hardy and Mr Anderson - ratings plummeted and they're only now starting to return to the level they were at before. Except now, TNA is spending a fuckton more money, and are having to let people go to afford all these names. Who were detrimental not only to the product, but also to the ratings.

Why the fuck TNA think that bringing in MORE famous names is a good idea is beyond me. All ECW fans know that ECW is dead, and only ECW fans would care about an ECW invasion angle...so the only people who would possibly be interested in this, are not interested in this.

Not to mention that WWE did THE EXACT SAME FUCKING ANGLE NINE FUCKING YEARS AGO.

Some people have theorised that this is all intended to lure Heyman to TNA...I hope this is true, Heyman is a visionary and everything he touches turns to gold. But Heyman + Hogan, Bischoff, and Russo is not the same as just Heyman. If they do manage to get him, they need to instigate a 'scorched earth' policy on the current booking team, otherwise all they're doing is adding yet another big expense on their payroll with no guarantee of any return.

Maybe I'm wrong and worrying over nothing, and the invasion will be great. I hope so, I really do. Time will tell.

I hope, at the very least, we get an RVD heel turn.

That Clown from Outta Town - July 15th 2010 iMPACT

I'm looking forward to this one - the PPV was, for me, a complete overachiever and much more fun than it looked on paper. I'm actually interested in the fallout from some of the matches this month.

Looking forward to finding out what happens next, primarily with the Lethal/Flair situation as well as the 3D angle. Lethal v Flair was much better than I expected (I was expecting it to be about as good as Orlando Jordan v Ultimate Warrior...). I'm also looking forward to the new rankings, since they actually have an impact on the next PPV - at least, they have an impact on the main event. I'm expecting either Joe or Abyss to be #1 contender, but TNA likes throwing curveballs so who knows.

As always, I hope they start with wrestling. But if they start with the rankings, I'll let them off.

00:30 - They mentioned the Joe/Wolfe thing...a feud looks slightly more likely now than 30 secs ago :)
1:25 - Settle the controversy over the tag titles? What controversy, MCMG clearly won, despite the ridiculous finish and restart which really didn't improve the match one bit...unless that's the controversy. But did anyone actually want Beer Money to beat MCMG? I'd be surprised to find out they did.
1:28 - Ladies streetfight - I won't be fast forwarding that one.
1:55 - Rankings
2:30 - Yup, Abyss at #1...the only real surprises are that Joe is only at #4, Lethal has made it up to #5, and Rob Terry is back in the top 10. I don't get why Angle goes up one place per match, while the rest of the roster fly up and down the ladder seemingly at random. Probably best not to think about it (which is the TNA fan's mantra, as we all know)
2:48 - Haha, Abyss is about to beat up a leg of beef...I'd love to see the meeting where they came up with that one
4:58 - Abyss has named his 'girl' Janice
5:39 - Hahaha, Abyss was hitting the beef and snapped Janice in half...hahaha
6:43 - Abyss is now making out with the beef...
7:07 - Looks like the streetfight's just gonna be a backstage brawl
7:57 - How come they know there's a fight going on, they managed to get a cameraman there to film it, but didn't get any security or anything to break it up? Probably best not to think about it.
10:50 - MCMG and Beer Money are going to have a best of 5 series?? Christ...TNA needs more tag teams.
12:58 - This streetfight is bad, and I want it to end.
13:17 - Cool, it's over...
14:31 - God, Bischoff's secretary...Bischoff can't be far away...
14:55 - Everyone cheering when Nash came in makes it look like a fucking sitcom
15:57 - Non-title I Quit match...so Kendrick's gonna win, obviously.
19:38 - Never seen that Monkey-Flip-into-Boston-Crab before...fucking awesome.
22:25 - Good match while Doug had momentum, but a terrible ending - how come Kendrick is suddenly able to submit Doug in like 30 seconds?
24:54 - Jarret's stopping a beatdown D: Fucking Jarrett
25:14 - Or maybe he'll batter Jarrett instead.
28:37 - Chelsea still exists :(
28:50 - Christ, now Wolfe gets to job to Rob Terry...they must really hate him backstage to lumber him with this shit and ignore his obvious talent
29:25 - FUCK YEAH SAMOA JOE - I guess it's a 3-way?
29:38 - KILL THEM BOTH JOE THEN START ON THE AUDIENCE - KILL EVERYTHING THAT MOVES
30:34 - Wow, Brutus Magnus is back...maybe to team with Wolfe? I hope not, I want Wolfe v Joe at the PPV
31:37 - Is it me, or has Magnus stolen Christian's look?
34:04 - That kick by Terry wasn't even close
34:11 - Joe's kick landed though :D
34:20 - AND JOE FUCKING WINS FUCK YEAH
35:29 - Ladder match up next...maybe this best of 5 thing might turn out ok.
35:59 - I'm 90% sure Flair is going to try and recruit Lethal as the first member of Fortune.
43:03 - Sabin just failed to run up a ladder...that'll be on Botchamania
43:10 - Holy shit, what an awesome clothesline
45:55 - This match is awesome
47:34 - That was actually a pretty decent screwjob...
48:21 - Abyss has a new Janice...
48:36 - Matt Morgan v Pope. Who knows if it'll be any good or not?
52:28 - Angle v Hernandez? I hope they Wolfe it and don't take it to PPV...
51:29 - Pope beats Morgan in under 3 minutes...what the fuck. I've seen highlight reels which were longer than that match.
53:17 - Anderson coming in for the save on Pope...that's a pretty smart way of having the two make up, didn't see that coming...and explains why the match was so short.
56:21 - Warning, Knockout on the mic...
57:52 - Madison is threatening to sue TNA if she doesn't get her belt back...I hope she sues, I'd rather watch a long, boring and complicated court case than another Madison Rayne match.
63:27 - There's too many mystery people in TNA...the mystery biker (looks like it could be Alyssa Flash), and Abyss' 'Them'...one is enough.
64:59 - Lethal v Hardy, should be good :)
65:13 - Lethal's still wearing his 'I love Hogan' red and yellow outfit...looks more ridiculous that the Black Machismo outfits, except this time it's not on purpose.
66:02 - Admittedly, it looks better without the robe...I guess it's just the robe I don't like.
68:28 - Fans chanting ECW again...sigh
70:50 - MCMG v Beer Money in a street fight next week :)
71:12 - Cool, Hernandez v Angle on iMPACT...they're gonna Wolfe it :D
71:34 - An ok match, nothing hugely inspiring...shame Jay didn't get the win.
72:16 - Fortune announcement...AJ and Kaz first members...but here comes Wolfe
73:31 - And here comes Abyss...the last ten minutes are going to be a clusterfuck, apparently.
79:40 - FUCK YEAH FOLEY IS BACK
79:57 - ECW INVASION :D
82:18 - This is mental
83:54 - Dixie invited the ECW guys...that makes no sense, if she's in charge why didn't she tell anyone so that this exact thing didn't happen? Probably best not to think about it.

This was a pretty ok iMPACT, they seemed to forget about all of the plot threads they left hanging at the PPV but there were some pretty decent matches. MCMG v Beer Money stole the show, I'm glad to see Foley back (and I'm sure Socko is too), Joe won (after losing 2 matches in a row...that's a long streak of losses for Joe), Abyss beating up a cow's leg was funny as fuck...nothing else hugely significant happened.

Most of the matches were a decent length for once (or at least seemed to be), which was nice to see. TNA really needs to work on storytelling though - their angles just aren't captivating at all right now. If they get the storytelling right, they have easily enough talent to be fucking awesome. A lot of the problem is inconsistency - they'll leave an angle on a cliffhanger, then not mention it for a few weeks by which point nobody cares any more. If they followed up straight away, then people would be more interested. But still, a definite improvement on the last few weeks.

I think you'll like this...

I was looking for some Tajiri stuff for the 'Greatest Moves of All Time' series we've got going on here, and I came across this gem...it's a match from way back when RVD was actually pretty good. This is a throwaway WWF match from round about the time of the ECW invasion angle, albeit for the Hardcore title which RVD held, but RVD puts on a much better performance than anything he's done in TNA.

The whole match is worth watching, but the bit you'll like starts at 1:55...

Greatest Promos Ever! ECW: "Dewey Foley is a three year old boy... you sick sons of bitches!"

I've realised this isn't the first time Mr Foley has appeared in the greatest promos section. Maybe this is because Micky boy is one of my favourite wrestlers of all time, or maybe it's simply because the guy can cut a great promo.
After my last post I was thinking about how great the Cactus Jack character was and how Mick would bring a real sense of intensity, frustration and craziness to his promos. I saw an interview a while back where Foley said that for a lot of his Cactus Jack promos he would be as honest as possible whilst pulling his delivery from "some dark place".
It seems that Foley was pissed off with some fans who had bought a "Cane Dewey" sign to a match. Well if you insist on naming your kid after a character from Ducktales...

Greatest Matches Ever! ECW: Tajiri & Mikey Whipwreck vs Super Crazy & Kid Kash, December 3rd, 2000

No explanations necessary. Just watch and enjoy.







- Clown

Clown Says: The Vertigo of Wrestling

The WWE has lost it's appeal to me. It hasn't been interesting for a while, but now it's at the point where I can't even sit through an entire PPV. I stopped watching Wrestlemania three times to go on Youtube because the show was so dull, and I gave up on Extreme Rules altogether.

Many fans seem to agree. Lots of people complain about the 'PG Era', and want the 'Attitude Era' to return. That's not going to happen. The WWE is no longer owned outright by Vince McMahon, it is a publicly traded company. They have to do what the shareholders tell them to, by law. If the shareholders want a nice, family oriented show that they can talk about at their society dinners, then that's what the WWE has to make.

However, I've been thinking over the last couple of days that the WWE has the potential to make the best wrestling product in the world.

There is a market for a more adult-oriented wrestling show. This is a fact. There is a profit to be made in marketing a wrestling product at adults. So how can WWE, whose stockholders want a family oriented show, have a better chance than anyone else of making an adult-oriented show?

Consider Vertigo. DC Comics are a family comics company. They print titles like Batman, and Superman. Comics that parents buy for their kids because they bought the exact same comics when they were a kid. Many of those people would be horrified if DC started printing extreme graphic violence, swearing and blasphemy in their comics. They would either switch to one of DC's competitors, or stop reading comics all together. However, there is a large market for such comics, one that DC wanted to exploit. So what did they do?

They set up Vertigo. Vertigo is a comics company for adult and mature readers. That way, when little Timmy and his dad go to the comic store to buy this month's Superman comic, he doesn't see Preacher on the shelf next to it with a big old DC logo on the front cover (yes, it's been long out of print, but you get my point). In fact, Timmy may have never heard of Vertigo. If he has, he may not know it has anything to do with DC. Similarly, the kind of parents that would boycott a company like Vertigo may not know they have anything to do with DC. However, a large number of mature comic fans get the kind of stories they want - of course, all Vertigo fans know that it's a DC venture.

WWE could do the same thing with ECW. Picture this, one week Vince comes out to ECW and says that sadly, ECW isn't as profitable as they'd like and they're shutting it down. A few weeks later, ECW appears on the television schedules. It's in a different, much later, time slot. No mention of it is made on WWE shows or any of their website. Intrigued, you tune in. The first thing you see is Shane McMachon (or whoever) in the middle of the ring, with a microphone. He goes on to explain that the WWE is a family company, and their product has to be sanitized to be friendly to that audience. However, they know that the old fans don't want the same thing as the new fans. The old fans don't care about Divas, and soap opera, and pyros. The old fans, the real fans, just want to see great wrestling. That's what ECW is for. Even though the WWE will not officially acknowledge the fact on their programs, they want to give something back to the people who have carried them through thick and thin, and because of that a new era of ECW is born.

The new ECW puts on superb extreme wrestling matches. There's blood, there's swearing, weapons are used freely. Every match is no-DQ. The fans want to see weapons being used, and the new ECW isn't going to patronise them with the usual 'Oh look the ref's distracted! And oh, look, he's got a chair!'. They book great technical wrestlers, great high flyers, they bring in guys from Japan and Mexico but don't book them as 'sneaky salt-thrower' or 'petty criminal' but instead simply as great wrestlers. Everything that WWE is doing, ECW does the exact opposite. Instead of putting on shows in front of huge arenas, they put on shows in tiny arenas like the old ECW Arena, the Hammerstein Ballroom, etc.

Since only people who are really into wrestling would know that there's a connection, the shareholders wouldn't have to worry about being embarrassed by the content of the show. The adult fans get what they want. And best of all, there would be great wrestling on TV again. They wouldn't even have to use the ECW brand, they could create an all-new show for this purpose.

This is never going to happen. But the opportunity is there.

- Clown

(In my best Crocodile Dundee voice) That ain't a promo! This is a promo!

Sup Socko,

Since you're on the subject of greatest promos ever, here's my pick...the one, the only, Joel Gertner!






- Clown