Slammiversary podcast review

TNA - 3/3/11 - predictions

As TNA seem to be building up to an important Impact rather than PPVs, I thought I'd do my predictions for this one. Doing a quick Google search for the card, it looks like its already been taped... I'm not one of these smark fans who needs to read spoilers, so rest assured, I'm as much in the dark about the results as the average Joe. I'll admit that the match line-up is suprising... but not in a good way. Let's do this!

TNA World Tag Team Championship Match:
Beer Money vs. Gunner and Murphy

I can't believe this is a real match. How can a couple of jobbers become contenders? With the matches last summer between Beer Money and the Guns, the tag belts felt like they meant something, doing a match like this is just meaningless. If G and M win I might be done with TNA. Please be Beer Money.


Sarita vs. Velvet Sky

I've noticed that the more Velvet wrestles, the worse she gets... not sure how this is possible, maybe her plastic fun bags are slowly poisoning her brain or somethig. Velvet will win though.

Scott Steiner vs. Rob Terry

Who booked this one? Really, this might be the worst match ever. Scott Steiner is good on the mic, and is good in an enforcer type role, but he's not a great worker anymore... Rob Terroid is still shit. Hope Steiner wins though.

Matt Morgan vs. Hernandez

I thought this feud was resolved months ago? It's not going to be very good and I'm sure Hernandez will win.

TNA World Championship Match:

Jeff Hardy vs. Sting

No need for this match, at all. Sting to win, but it's going to be bad. I'm pretty sure that Sting can hardly move anymore, and Hardy's matches have been as sloppy as a diseased vagina as of late...

On the whole, there is nothing I could give a shit about in this one, and this is what has been building to for a few weeks. This will be the Impact with the wedding that's not really a wedding, and I'm not looking forward to seeing the car-crash that it will be... I predict Karen will get slmmed into the wedding cake.

That Clown from Outta Town - August 5th iMPACT

Another week, another iMPACT.

I'm looking forward to the MCMG v Beer Money match. Kinda curious about the Jay Lethal v Ric Flair street fight too. Let's hope they actually start with wrestling today. Also, announcing the matches for Hardcore Justice would be nice.

2:49 - Dreamer's on his way to the ring...but dressed to chat, not wrestle. Please don't cry again, Tommy.
6:14 - Best Raven promo ever.
7:19 - FOLEY FOLEY FOLEY
7:44 - Special ref? He's not going to wrestle :'(
9:21 - Knockouts, fast forwarding
10:58 - Oh wait, Hamada...watching.
15:46 - Ref bump...ffs TNA stop with the ref bumps
16:24 - Not the greatest match - Lacey is improving, but she's still too green for TV. Still, new champs so we'll be seeing more of Hamada - the best Knockout.
17:17 - AJ v Rob Terry again - after Rob destroyed Kaz last week in under 30 seconds, we might be seeing two championship changes in as many matches...
18:13 - And as soon as I hear AJ's music, anything seems possible. I love that tune. I was Audiosurf world champion for AJ's theme tune - true story. AJ to retain.
22:42 - AJ got battered, but pulled it out in the end. I love that 450 splash.
24:35 - Angle v AJ - Can't fucking wait
26:02 - Woop woop, Ultimate X coming up :D
27:35 - FFS, TNA - you say Ultimate X is up next, then cut to the Beautiful People scrapping backstage...NOBODY CARES
27:44 - "Trust my ass"...great promo, Velvet.
28:13 - IT'S TIME
32:26 - Bell finally rings...
39:57 - 2nd best huricarana ever.
41:36 - Sliced Bread on the apron...fucking hell
42:26 - Awesome, awesome match. TNA can really pull it out when they want to.
43:00 - What better way to follow that great match than a Bischoff promo? FFS
45:20 - Wow, Hogan looks tired
46:05 - Oh FFS, Bischoff is special ref in the Janice on a pole match
46:41 - Looks like Hard justice is just going to be the special iMPACT next week...so I'm guessing no TNA matches whatsoever at Hardcore Justice :D
51:30 - Sting and Nash kicking ass...finally, the one guy who was kicking the shit out of Bischoff on a regular basis is back :D
53:52 - Pope v Jordan...this could be good.
55:53 - What the fuck.
62:38 - Streetfight time :)
64:24 - It's weird how the Angle angle has gone from Angle saying 'If I lose, it may be my last match' to 'If Angle loses, he MUST RETIRE'...
70:56 - Ridiculous match - it ended up with Flair wearing one sock, one shoe and pants...nothing else. He even got his arse out. FFS. Aside from that, not a bad match though.
73:24 - RVD v Jerry Lynn is the Hardcore Justice main event :D
76:33 - So...you've got RVD, Tommy Dreamer, Raven and Abyss in one match...and they don't book it as a hardcore match. FFS TNA.
81:36 - FUCK YEAH SANDMAN

Awesome iMPACT, main event was a bit shit but apart for that great. MCMG v Beer Money was the highlight, for the 4th week running. Can't wait for PPV.

They only announced 2 matches for Hardcore Justice, I think most of the people showing up are going to be a surprise...I'd love to see Tajiri v Super Crazy, but that's probably the least likely match possible. This is going to be awesome.

That Clown from Outta Town - iMPACT July 8th 2010

Socko's decided we need avatars so it's easier to tell who's talking. My MS Paint drawing skills suck, so I guess this'll have to do for now.

Anyway, this week's iMPACT. AJ v Kaz to look forward to, other than that there's no real reason for anyone to tune in - no decent storylines going on, no decent matches announced - nothing. TNA really ought to start promoting their shows better, when even their fans don't give a fuck it's a bad sign.

This week, I hope they start with a wrestling match, and I hope they have AJ v Kaz as the main event. I hope to see minimal RVD, Hogan and Bischoff. In fact, I hope Hogan and Bischoff get fired live on air.

1:38 - Apparently, Anderson hitting Hardy with a chair has been a hot controversy all week. Personally, I'd completely forgotten about it. Of course it was an accident though - why bother befriending Hardy over the course of 2 months, saving him from several beatings, just to hit him in the back with a chair one time? Not to mention the fact that Abyss was about to brain Hardy with a nailboard before Anderson ran in, so if he wanted Hardy to get hurt he could have just done nothing. Either it was an accident or the bookers are fucking morons.
1:44 - Oh god, he's coming to the ring to talk :(
5:39 - Why are people cheering a guy calling them assholes? Drooling fucking retards.
6:53 - Ugh, wonky camera crap again
7:18 - AJ seems pissed that he has to wrestle Kaz...AJ YOU FUCKING CHALLENGED HIM, WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU
8:09 - Oh, ffs...AJ v Kaz is the first match...this doesn't make any fucking sense...again. Fucking TNA and their blowing their load early
9:07 - HOLY SHIT RVD v JOE...WHY IS THIS ON iMPACT WITH NO FUCKING BUILD UP? THIS SHOULD BE A PPV MATCH WITH A MONTH'S STORYLINE BEHIND IT TNA YOU FUCKING IDIOTS
14:29 - Decent match (for iMPACT), bullshit ending. 6 minutes just isn't long enough for a decent match. A 15 minute match with a 3 min advert is better than 2 6 minute matches without breaks.
15:46 - Kaz and AJ as a tag team - recipe for awesome :D
16:21 - Oh ffs...I thought the Knockouts were meant to be about wrestling, not T&A?
16:55 - Angelina v Daphne...I think I'll watch this one, even though Madison will blatantly interfere
19:00 - That'll be on Botchamania for sure
19:55 - Wow, no Madison - still, the match was under 4 minutes, what's the fucking point?
21:22 - Madison came out and said she's putting her belt on the line, so what is Angelina putting on the line? FOR FUCKS SAKE THAT'S HOW A CHAMPIONSHIP WORKS YOU FUCKING MONGOLOID
22:18 - Why do people keep putting their careers on the fucking line with Madison? The matches are already booked, they could just tell her to go fuck herself, but instead they keep getting fired like a bunch of fucking retards
25:19 - Woop woop Dudleys on the mic
30:43 - Sweet, Bubba v Jesse v Devon at the PPV :D
30:58 - JOE JOE JOE JOE
31:16 - I really hope Joe fucks RVD up. Like...really fucks him up. For real.
32:00 - 32 mins in and already there's been Joe v RVD and AJ v Kaz...what decent stuff could possibly be left in the show?
32:45 - They haven't said if it's a title match or not...so, guessing RVD will win. If Joe was gonna win they would've mentioned either way.
33:20 - For the first time in ages, a match where I actually care who wins. Kill him, Joe!
34:07 - The crowd agrees - FUCK HIM UP JOE
35:09 - FUCK YEAH, JOE JUST KILLED RVD
39:17 - The commentators seem more interested in Tommy Dreamer being in the crowd than the actual match - Joe is dominating though :D
40:23 - Joe just decapitated RVD with a clothesline
42:07 - Fuck, another decapitation...awesome :D
44:14 - TAP THE FUCK OUT YOU CUNT
44:37 - What the fuck...RVD won :( Fuck TNA
45:00 - Great match, shitty, bullshit ending...I'm hoping for a post match beatdown
46:00 - Now I'm pissed off :/
49:07 - Doug Williams seems to be affecting a Hitler haircut
50:19 - Doug's fear of heights is such bullshit
50:49 - "In England they live in flats, there's no upper level" COMMENTARY FAIL
53:20 - TNA is so fucking stupid - why are they using their champion as a fucking jobber? What fucking sense does that make? Absolutely none. Bunch of shit.
54:38 - What the christ is this promo? Bunch of shit, I'd rather MCMG not get airtime than put this crap on the air
55:44 - 6 man tag, MCMG & Hernandez v Beer Money and Matt MorgzzzzzZZZZZZZ
56:54 - I actually can't be bothered to watch this, fast forwarding
63:35 - For fucks sake, Pope, talk about your fucking PPV match and not fucking Anderson
64:03 - Nash :D
64:30 - Ugh, fucking Hogan
65:22 - Jay Lethal :D
66:42 - Jay Lethal + being serious = crap
66:50 - NOBODY GIVES A SHIT ABOUT YOUR MOTHER, TALK ABOUT WRESTLING FFS
68:12 - Wow, Ric Flair actually said something I agree with...
72:05 - A truly fucking awful in ring promo from Flair
72:34 - Ugh, shitty main event coming up
73:45 - This match will be shit, fast forwarding
74:07 - Oh wait, promo...I'll watch
74:40 - What the fuck was that? Say something interesting or keep your fucking mouth shut Anderson
75:09 - Ok, really fast forwarding this time
80:46 - Cool, here comes the nailboard :D
81:16 - Ugh, confiscated...fast forwarding
82:20 - Fucking RVD again...please come out and destroy him Joe

Another shitty iMPACT, two decent matches which both had shitty endings, and the rest was boring. PPV looks shit too. Fuck TNA.

If there was another weekly wrestling show, I'd be ready to jump ship. WWE isn't wrestling, ROH isn't that great and is difficult to find, nobody else does a weekly show that I know of. This fucking sucks. If PWG were easier to get hold of in my area (i.e. not the USA), I'd jump ship today and only go back to TNA when Hogan, Bischoff and Russo leave. As it is, I have to choose between watching this shit every week, and not watching wrestling altogether :(

EDIT: And this is coming from someone who considers themselves a TNA fan...

That Clown from Outta Town - July 1st iMPACT

I hope this is the iMPACT where TNA realise their colossal mistake and start over with the Angle vs Wolfe feud. I also hope they start the show with some wrestling.

1:42 - Oh great, looks like it's Abyss week on iMPACT...does anyone really give a fuck at this point?
2:58 - Christ, here comes Hogan - why can't they just start with a match ffs?
3:39 - Christ, Bischoff too...this is going to shit very quickly
6:00 - Possibly the lamest run-in ever.
7:22 - FUCK YEAH JOE v AJ!
9:29 - Cool, Ink Inc vs MCMG :)
16:44 - Not a bad match, shame about the screwjob but there we go.
17:02 - OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE IT'S BISCHOFF A-FUCKING-GAIN
17:28 - You have Joe vs AJ on the card, and it's not the main event?
18:00 - Oh god, the main event is going to suck...Hardy v Abyss w/RVD as ref? Ffs.
18:46 - AJ v Joe already? We're only 18 min into the show...why, TNA, why?
19:24 - I've got a bad feeling about this...
20:16 - FUCK HIM UP JOE
27:39 - FUCK YEAH JOE KILLED AJ
28:00 - That was pretty good...it'll be the best thing on the whole show, it's all downhill from here...should have been the main event.
30:17 - Kaz v AJ next week :)
33:08 - Who's Wolfe jobbing to this week?
33:32 - Ah, Brian Kendrick. So one of the best guys in the company is now jobbing out to fucking X-Division wrestlers. FFS TNA.
37:45 - Oh, for fucks sake...he actually lost to Kendrick. Fucking TNA.
38:59 - Pope's back...wonder if he'll do a heel turn to go after Anderson? Or if they'll just conveniently make up for no adequately explained reason?
46:33 - Angle v Pope should be awesome...
52:40 - Matt's gonna kill Jay.
57:50 - Nice dropkick
58:49 - Wow, Lethal actually won...shame it was by screwjob
59:45 - Christ, Abyss' new 'toy' looks fucking lethal...
60:31 - Kockouts, fast forwarding
66:02 - Dixie vs Sting :)
66:27 - Why are Sarita and Taylor feuding? Maybe I should've watched that match...
68:32 - How is Angle #10 in the rankings when he beat #9 last week??
71:09 - Sting's out :( Who's going to batter Bischoff now?
71:40 - Ugh, the crappy main event's about to start
81:14 - Hardy won fair and square against Abyss? Bullshit...
83:19 - PPV main event will be shite

Fairly mediocre iMPACT, Joe v AJ was good but could have potentially been a lot better, everything else was pretty average. Still, AJ v Kaz next week might be good.

The Clown from Outta Town - June 24th iMPACT

I can barely remember what happened on the last iMPACT, there's no storylines I actually give a fuck about. What I do know is, Angle ought to be wrestling Wolfe at the PPV according to his fighting-the-top-ten-one-by-one angle. I want to see this feud kick off tonight, and immediately get heated and nasty. And I want to see them start the show with an actual wrestling match. They managed it last week (basically), so they can do it this week too.

0:21 - Oh yeah, Abyss went mental, now I remember...it'll be 'Why, Sting Abyss, Why?' week for sure
1:11 - Fuck, here comes Hogan :( I was hoping for a match. iMPACTs that are Hogan/Bischoff heavy are usually shite...I can feel the interest draining from my body by the second.
3:00 - Oh shut up and get to the point, Hogan.
3:42 - Four way at the PPV. Will be shit.
4:27 - FUCK YEAH ABYSS FUCK HIM UP
4:39 - And with his old entrance music too :D
5:52 - Why, Sting Abyss, Why?
7:13 - I don't know who 'they' are...the last 'they' was Hall and Pac and we all know how that turned out, so I'm not hugely optimistic about what's gonna happen when 'they' get here.
8:46 - Abyss heel turn :) He's finally the Monster again, not the friendly fucking giant...
9:26 - Abyss feeding Hogan his own ring...weird but kinda hilarious
10:25 - Ugh, RVD always shows up when something good is about to happen and ruins it
13:05 - OH GREAT HOGAN TALKING TO BISCHOFF, THIS IS WAY BETTER THAN A WRESTLING MATCH
14:52 - Knockouts - not fast forwarding
20:05 - That was a lot worse than last week's match - shoulda fast forwarded
21:17 - I have no idea who Lethal is talking to - American celeb or something?
23:37 - I wanna see Joe run in and fuck this dude up
24:35 - Come on, Joe...Morgan's annoying me
26:10 - Joe didn't kill him :(
26:23 - Homicide is going to die
27:14 - Yup, dead
28:06 - Finally, a proper match...only took half an hour. Kaz v Lethal, could be awesome
32:13 - Oh, it was Lethal's brother earlier...now getting battered by Flair and AJ...looks like they're actually bothering to build a decent angle around the shitty match they have booked for the PPV...
33:12 - Nice reversal to that low blow :) This match is pretty decent for iMPACT
34:38 - Cool match, as usual for iMPACT was way too short, but what they did have was good
36:04 - FFS, Sting v Jarrett again...I hope there's another pre-match battering
37:05 - Damn, looks like he'll make it to the ring safe and sound
37:45 - Bet this match gets more than 5 minutes, unlike any other two wrestlers on the roster
39:05 - I'm sure this exact same shit happened like 2 months ago
40:22 - How the hell did Jarrett not see Sting, clearly standing in the corner of the ring? Still, new twist on 'Jarrett goes up to the rafters after Sting'
42:02 - Cool 'match', more of a promo really...and under 5 minutes too :) I hope the rest of the show is a 40 minute long triple threat match between Joe, Wolfe and Angle, though.
44:01 - IT BEGINS
45:13 - Why the fuck is Chelsea still with Wolfe? This angle is fucking stupid, she can just leave whenever she wants, she doesn't want to be there, so what's the point of her being there?
46:29 - Wait, so the #9 contenders match is on iMPACT with no fanfare whatsoever? WHAT THE FUCK TNA, this should be the biggest match on your fucking PPV, WHAT THE CHRIST ARE YOU DOING? I can only assume that Wolfe will win by DQ or something to kick-start the feud, this cannot be the whole thing.
46:50 - And the commentators are more interested in Abyss than the fucking match...I feel like I'm taking crazy pills over here
49:45 - Wolfe's clearly got something in his elbow pad...not sure if it's a weapon or if he's gonna blade
53:57 - Ok, that was pretty good...but I can't believe that's the whole thing. Bullshit. I was looking forward to possibly feud of the year, and it's a one-shot throwaway match on iMPACT with no drama and no reason to care whatsoever.
56:52 - Doug's on the mic and I'm too pissed off about Angle v Wolfe to even care :( Sorry, Doug.
60:28 - Ultimate X and I don't even care :(
61:05 - Abyss promo, and I don't even care :(
62:38 - Shannon fighting Bubba, and I don't even care :(
63:34 - Tag Team semi finals match and I don't even care :(
65:57 - Tommy Dreamer, and I don't even care. I don't care about Raven either. I have to admit, however, that Stevie Richards' presence raises my spirits slightly.
67:05 - Jesse finally shows up :)
66:51 - How much cooler would it have been if TNA had hired Bryan Danielson instead of Dreamer, Raven and Richards?
70:00 - Beer Money get a title shot, and I don't even care :(
71:10 - AJ talking to Kaz and I really don't care.
72:07 - Shitty main event coming up, and I don't even care :( Abyss is going to have to actually decapitate Anderson to get me interested in this, I think.
81:28 - Match over, nothing decent happened - or maybe I was just too pissed off to enjoy it...either way, I was yawning through most of it
83:52 - Exact same ending two weeks in a row.

Wasn't a bad iMPACT, but the way they dealt with Angle v Wolfe was bullshit. When they had their poll, the fans overwhelmingly voted for Wolfe, so clearly this could have been built up into a massive PPV match, but instead it just happened and was over with no build up or anything. Such a fucking waste that the rest of the show was ruined.

TNA have given me no reason to tune in next week at all. There's no ongoing feuds that I actually care about that were advanced in any way this week, all of the matches were short and below TNA's pre-Hogan standards, they're pissing all of their talent up a wall and putting people that nobody gives a fuck about (according to TNA's own poll) main event spots ahead of popular wrestlers that people want to see. In fact, the only decent thing TNA are doing right now in my eyes are the Angle angle (so far it's been good overall, even if this week's development was a piece of shit), the tension in 3D because of Bubba's attacks on Jesse, and Jay Lethal finally getting some airtime. Everything else could have been edited out, and nothing of value would have been lost.

And Joe's still AWOL with no explanation.

That Clown from Outta Town - iMPACT, June 17th

The quality of iMPACT has been extremely inconsistant lately - it seems to go from being pretty damn good one week to utter shite the next. All I'm really hoping for this week is that the Angle vs Joe feud starts as it means to go on - hi-octane, and dripping with blood.

And please start with wrestling this week TNA! Just this once, let's not have someone who's paid to WRESTLE get on a microphone and start yammering on. If people want to see talking, they'll watch the news. Nobody would be impressed if Peter Sissons put Trevor McDonald in a submission hold during the 10 O'Clock News, and nobody gives a fuck about people talking during iMPACT. That's just how it is. Fucking get over it and start with a fucking match!

1:33 - JESUS FUCK, not only is it talking, IT'S FUCKING BISCHOFF FUCKING TALKING AAAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHH JUST FUCK OFF AND DIE
1:52 - Wow, they stripped The Band of the titles because of the thing with Hall - for those of you that don't know, he got drunk and belligerent in a bar, they put him in a taxi home but he went mental in the taxi, punched out one of the windows then got aggressive with the police when they showed up and wound up getting arrested. I think it's fair to start with an announcement on that one to be honest.
2:20 - Cool, straight into a match for once :D
2:42 - I'm not sure why The Band are in the running for the belts they just got stripped of...I guess it's just Nash and Young now. Kinda makes the whole 'band' gimmick a bit pointless...
3:37 - Let's go Jesse! Although Bubba'll blatantly screw them and the Band will advance...
4:33 - Christ, Abyss v Hardy v Anderson :( What a shitty main event
9:47 - FUCK YEAH Jesse goes through :D I love how I just see Moore as wallpaper to Jesse's tag team run haha
11:53 - Damn, I was hoping for Jay
12:49 - This Chelsea and Abyss thing just got fucking retarded
14:21 - New stable...cool :) Hope this meens Beer Money won't be jobbers any more, I liked them when they were good
17:25 - Jay is on top form tonight :D
20:57 - How the hell is anyone keeping a straight face right now...this is fucking hilarious
23:20 - Desmond v Lethal - awesome :D I hope Wolfe wins for once...
27:57 - I wonder who Hernandez is gonna squash this week
25:18 - IT'S FUCKING JOE FUCK HIM UP JOE
25:40 - YOU ARE FUCKING DEAD HERNANDEZ
29:37 - That was going great until Morgan got involved...fucking TNA.
30:07 - Haha, Morgan's a dead man
30:30 - Damn, escaped :(
32:13 - Yay, Douggie
33:42 - Doug v Max Buck...cool, I love Generation Me...wish they had more TV time
36:32 - Fucking nice Diamond Dust...you don't see that very often, it's a great move
39:37 - Sigh, more Jarrett and Sting :/
39:58 - Wow, those action figures look like absolute shite...kinda amusing to see Suicide there because they made the toy before he became Kaz again
41:04 - Cool, Angelina :) I like her...kind of a coin toss whether to skip the Lacey match, she sucks. She's hot as all hell though. Ah, fuck it, I'll watch.
43:24 - How the hell do you nail a backflip from the middle rope no problem, then fuck up a drop toe hold? Surely the backflip is like a million times harder?
45:22 - That was actually pretty good...maybe I'll stop fast forwarding for a few weeks, Angelina is awesome though so it might just be because it was her.
48:02 - I reckon Abyss'll win the 3-way, I kinda hope so because I like Jeff and Anderson as a tag team but I kinda hope not because I don't think Abyss really deserves a title shot right now...
49:48 - 3D v Beer Money :D They've had some great matches, so this could be promising.
56:18 - 3D had it won - I really hope this doesn't end up with 3D splitting up.
57:01 - Ah, damn it...why the fuck is Chelsea at ringside...she's blatantly going to screw Wolfe. This could have been a great match...third match of the night ruined by a fucking screwjob.
58:09 - Dreamer's here :D
59:39 - Ok, she's gone...game on
60:09 - Oh for fuck's sake...why do they keep shitting on Wolfe? He's one of their best talents and they use him as a fucking jobber...it should be Wolfe, Joe and Angle as the top 3 guys
62:51 - Holy shit, did Hogan just say something I actually agree with?! "TNA is on fire right now because of guys like Jay Lethal". Damn straight, so take the belt off RVD and put it on someone who fucking matters!
64:35 - Flair v Lethal at the PPV?? What the christ? This will be a terrible, terrible match.
65:40 - MOTHER FUCK JOE IS AT 6 IN THE FUCKING RANKINGS, I WANTED JOE v ANGLE THIS FUCKING MONTH GOD FUCKING DAMN IT
65:31 - Although, on the other hand - OH MY FUCKING GOD WOLFE v ANGLE I CAN'T FUCKING WAIT THIS IS GOING TO BE FUCKING AWESOME
66:23 - Fuck him up, Stinger!
72:23 - Didn't happen :(
73:37 - I really miss Abyss' old theme tune. And gimmick.
74:34 - The main event is starting and there's over 10 minutes on the clock...this will be the longest main event in months
79:20 - Triple countout? Utter fucking bullshit.
81:10 - Abyss seems to have gone mental :D This is the Abyss we love...I hope Tommy comes to the rescue and feuds him...I hope RVD keeps his fucking nose out
83:09 - Holy shit, Black Hole Slam on the broken glass...fuck yeah Abyss
84:42 - Fuck yeah, chokeslam off the stage :D
85:00 - Here comes Hogan - fuck him up Abyss!

Pretty cool iMPACT this week, a lot of potentially great matches ruined by screwjobs but much better than recent weeks anyway.

That Clown from Outta Town - May 27th iMPACT

iMPACT time again. Hopefully Sting will attack wrestlers I don't like all night again. Plus, I want to see what happens to The Band following Scott Hall's arrest (although that may have happened after the show was taped - not sure), and I hope to see Angle vs Kaz - I want to get to Angle vs Joe ASAP! Please start with wrestling not talking this week TNA!

1:35 - Ooh, Band vs 3D vs Ink Inc :)
1:49 - Kaz vs Lethal - awesome :)
2:48 - Jeff, please be coming to fight, not to flap your lips.
3:51 - Ugh, talking :(
7:12 - Here comes AJ :D Hope this turns into a 3-way...
9:54 - Why does AJ look like a waxwork of himself?
11:11 - FUCK YEAH RING THE BELL
14:20 - Let's go Jesse! Show no mercy! Love TNA fans :)
18:48 - Cool, Jesse vs Bubba...hope it's no DQ!
20:29 - Whoa, RVD mentioning his opponent - is that a first?
21:04 - Kaz v Lethal :D Can't wait, this could easily be match of the night.
21:51 - Just noticed Lethal has new entrance music - guess Black Machismo is over :'(
29:43 - Cool match, slightly ruined by the postmatch drama, but at least Lethal slapped the shit out of Flair so it's all good :)
30:46 - Looks like Orlando Jordan laid out Shannon? He did that card thing before iirc...
32:15 - Here comes OJ...with Abyss stickers on his nipples? What?
32:53 - Abyss vs OJ - bit out of the blue. I'm sure Wolfe will be along shortly.
38:48 - Whoomp, there it is - haha, 'Get up, bubblegum'
39:47 - Freakbuster? Looks like a chokeslam to me...
40:38 - Here comes RVD - FUCK HIM UP STINGER
47:47 - They're promoting midget wrestling on TNA now...way to raise your profile.
49:33 - I was actually going to watch this match - Wilde and Sarita are pretty good - but they've got the midget wrestling guy on commentary. Fuck that. Fast forwarding.
56:28 - WOLFE V HARDY - This is either gonna be great, or a huge letdown. Don't fuck it up, TNA.
57:18 - FUCK YEAH ANGLE - Tell 'em, Kurt!
57:50 - Oh, he's commentating.
58:20 - Just realised, Kurt vs the top ten means Kurt vs Wolfe again as well as the Joe match - this is fucking awesome. I love this angle. Can't fucking wait for the Joe match though. Hope they have another red hot feud to hype it up, there was a time when I thought those two were going to kill each other.
61:00 - This match looks to be pretty good so far...please don't fuck it up with a run-in Abyss/Anderson/AJ/whoever
66:30 - Neat match, shame about the copout ending - I'd be happy to see these two go at it at PPV though
67:03 - Morgan's back :) FUCK HIM UP JOE
68:56 - Morgan issuing an open challenge for a tag partner - I'd love to hear Hernandez's music right about now :)
69:16 - Anderson calling out Angle? Is he mad?
71:24 - FUCK YEAH JOE FUCK EM UP JOE
72:18 - Joe and Angle eye to eye...you can cut the tension with a knife...Joe v Angle is going to be fucking awesome
73:24 - Cool, AJ vs Anderson...I'd usually write off an Anderson match before the bell rings but it's AJ...I'll give it a shot ;)
84:26 - Neat match, the post match drama wasn't much to write home about but I guess it continues the Hardy/Anderson love-in...

Pretty good iMPACT this week :) Joe vs Morgan seems to be brewing, Joe v Angle is going to be awesome, Jesse v Bubba is getting pretty hot...Sting v RVD is kinda going off the boil a little, Wolfe v Hardy will be great if it escalates into a feud - their match was pretty good until the ref bump. No Hogan, no Bischoff and minimal RVD makes for a great iMPACT, it seems.

Some suggestions for TNA should any of them actually read this:

1. Put Red back on TV! He's awesome! The fans love him!
2. Bring back Pope! Or at least update us on his condition! The fans love him!
3. BRING BACK SHARK BOY! THE FANS LOVE HIM!

That Clown from Outta Town: TNA iMPACT, May 20th

Pretty much the only thing I'm interested in going into iMPACT is what the backlash for the Sting match is going to be. As always, I hope they start with wrestling, not talking!

2:03 - FUCK YEAH ANGLE'S BACK!
2:30 - "Let's not waste another minute, let's bring out Eric Bischoff" - Er, what? Those two things are mutually exclusive...also, START WITH FUCKING WRESTLING, NOT FUCKING TALKING!
5:02 - Joe at fucking number 10?! Are you fucking mad? He should be top 5 easily, if not top 3...ffs!
5:07 - Here he comes...Muscle Buster on Bischoff please!
5:37 - ROB FUCKING TERRY IS ABOVE JOE IN THE RANKINGS? WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT?
6:26 - Wolfe only at 8? This is fucking bullshit. Fuck you, Bischoff.
7:08 - Pope at 7...that's probably about right tbh.
7:47 - Abyss at 6...I can live with that one too.
8:29 - Anderson at 5. With Joe at 10. Bollocks to that.
9:12 - Jeff Hardy at 4. That's too high imo, he's hardly set TNA on fire since showing up.
10:10 - AJ at number 3...probably about right.
10:56 - Kurt Angle at number 2? That's only right if Joe is number 1. Who the fuck is at #1? If it's Sting I won't be amused.
12:26 - It's Sting. What. I hope he does to RVD what he did to Jarrett.
13:27 - I agree with the fans who are chanting "We want recount"
14:07 - Sting vs Hardy. WON'T THAT BE FUN
16:05 - Here comes RVD to save the day...something interesting almost happened on iMPACT, luckily RVD was there to break it up.
16:53 - That was briefly awesome...Bischoff getting battered, Hardy about to get battered. Sting is actually becoming one of my favourite guys on TNA after decades of indifference towards the guy. But Joe still deserves a title match more.
19:00 - Knockouts - fast forwarding.
25:35 - Actually - why is Angle even on the #1 contenders list? He can't have another title match for the rest of the year, according to the stipulations for the last match he had against AJ...
26:22 - Here he comes :D It wasn't the same without Kurt.
27:49 - 'You still are' chant :3
30:22 - Angle to fight the entire top ten, starting at ten...ANGLE vs JOE MOTHERFUCKERS FUCK YEAH
30:57 - "He doesn't want it handed to him...Kurt Angle wants to earn it" - That's why Angle is the greatest wrestler in the word. Unlike the current champion, who is quite happy to have it handed to him.
31:34 - Beer Money vs Jay Lethal & Mystery Partner...glad to see Lethal back in the ring :)
34:24 - Orlando Jordan coming down from the rafters again - I wonder if him and Sting hang out up there?
38:04 - Hahaha DDT on his leg
43:13 - Jesse Neal vs 3D feud could be interesting...I like both teams.
45:03 - I think I'd rather see a handicap match with Lethal vs Beer Money than Lethal & RVD tagging against them. And I say that as a Jay Lethal fan.
47:59 - 8 man X-Division Battle Royale for the #10 contender spot? Could be great, could be shite. Battle Royales are tough to make interesting. I hope Red wins it. Red or Williams. I suspect Kaz will get it though, which would be cool too.
50:05 - Pretty good tag match. Might be my favourite RVD TNA match; he was hardly in it and Lethal is awesome.
52:12 - YES YES FUCK HIM UP STINGER
55:30 - The handover of Chelsea...this ought to be...interesting.
60:45 - Nothing like a good old fashioned bottling :) <3 England! That cut looks nasty...
61:21 - Raeptime for Chelsea
62:01 - The Band :) After seeing a few episodes of Last Call with Scott Hall I actually quite like him now.
62:23 - Haha, Eric goes 'I understand the boos' to the people booing. 'Boos' sounds like 'booze'. And he's standing next to Scott Hall. Well, I thought it was funny anyway.
70:47 - a Band vs 3D vs Ink 3-way feud would be awesome.
71:06 - X Division Battle Royale - fuck em up, Red
71:26 - And Red is first out. Ffs. Go Generation Me!
71:58 - And Max is out. I'm fucking cursed.
72:20 - And Jeremy is out. Go Sabin. Even though Kaz is blatantly going to win.
52:50 - And Sabin's out. The curse continues.
73:45 - Kaz wins. A 2 minute 8 man Battle Royale. 2 fucking minutes. Still, Angle vs Kaz should be fun.
74:35 - Sting vs Hardy. Fuck him up Sting.
79:08 - Sting seems to have turned into Superman - nobody can touch him. He's fucking Hardy up.
82:07 - That ref bump'll be on Botchamania.
83:41 - FUCK THEM BOTH UP STING

Fairly decent iMPACT this week. The Sting angle is building nicely (I still have no idea what it's about), the 3D/Ink feud is heating up, Jay Lethal back in the ring after way too long. No Destructo-Joe though T_T

Review: TNA Impact! 3rd May

I'm gonna keep this one short and sweet because the clown from outta town, if that is his real name, summed the show up pretty perfect.

Some points:

1) Desmond Wolfe versus RVD was a big anti-climax. It seems that the number one contender poll is just a vote as to who will be RVD's next jobber.
2) Joe was awesome, why the hell isn't he being pushed?
3) Orlando Jordan is apparently being sued by Goldust for plagiarism.
4) Who's that old guy who came in who looks like Kevin Nash?
5) Who's that old guy who came in who looks like Razor Ramone?
6) TNA listens to its fans, which is why they are going back to Thursdays.
7) With Tara's contract up, I wonder if she'll win her career match?
8) Lacey von Eric might be a post-op transexual.
9) With EY joining the Band and Nash holding the feast or fire case, the Band are more likely to get a push as tag title holders than get booted of the air.
10) Jay Lethal makes a good Nature Boy.

Listen to this fan. No one cares about WCW. No one cares about feuds from 15 years ago. Raw and TNA are both turning into 'wrestling lite'.

The Clown from Outta Town - May 3rd iMPACT

Apparently, I'm 'Gonzo', whatever that means. Anyway, here's iMPACT:

1:36 - First thing you see is two old men talking in a car. FFS. I tuned into wrestling, not Grumpy Old Men. Start with a bang for once. Start with Joe vs Red. Start with Pope vs Wolfe. Start with Jesse Neal + Shannon Moore vs 3D. Anything but blah blah blah old men who don't wrestle.
2:20 - I can't stand the new theme tune. It's a tune WWE would have for their D show.
3:24 - The Summit between Hogan & Sting. No way will Jarrett intervene. That's inconceivable.
3:55 - Hahaha, they're running from Mondays with their tails between their legs.
4:12 - TNA Reaction? Hopefully it'll be just the X-Division + tag teams...
5:29 - New Jay Lethal gimmick :D Hopefully this is the start of the push he deserves.
8:40 - I'm in stitches. Here comes the real Flair...this is either going to get better or much, much worse.
10:44 - Ugh, soap opera drama.
13:29 - And a pointless beatdown. Sigh.
13:55 - And here comes the monster :D
14:11 - Well, that didn't last long...
14:20 - And here's the artillery :D
15:02 - Wait, what? The Monster Abyss - no fear. Team 3D - no fear. RVD (the smallest guy there) - run like frightened bunnies? WTF??
15:24 - So, awesome promo, ruined by an old ex-wrestler talking, followed by disproportionately putting a new, big-name signing over when it would have been better to have established stars do it? Christ, that's a microcosm of the entire fucking company.
15:30 - FUCK OFF I DON'T CARE ABOUT OLD MEN IN CARS
18:45 - Oh god, more brawling. Here's an idea - why not schedule a wrestling match for your wrestling show?
19:24 - So let me get this straight - Hogan was driving AWAY from the iMPACT Zone for 15 minutes, then turned the car around and made it back to the arena in 4 minutes?? What the fuck is this shit?
21:31 - FUCK YEAH DESMOND WOLFE GETS A MATCH! Please be Joe please be Joe please be Joe
21:42 - Oh no, he's just going to be putting RVD over. FFS. At least it's a title shot I guess.
22:03 - Monster's Ball on iMPACT? Nice :)
22:36 - 3 way tag match...also nice :)
23:00 - Ok, they're putting together a decent show - but why the hell did they waste 20+ mins on drama when they could have gone right into it?
24:04 - Did Velvet get new implants? Tits seem bigger than usual.
24:44 - Yay, Douggie :)
26:07 - Yay, Jesse :)
26:33 - Countdown to Morgan commencing...
27:51 - Whoomp there it is
27:56 - HOLY SHIT FLYING FOOTSTOMP he looked like he actually stomped his head
30:21 - Was that Jesse's first pin? Awww, they grow up so fast :3
30:56 - JOE JOE JOE JOE
31:39 - FUCK YEAH MUSCLE BUSTER
32:07 - He's got the mic! TELL 'EM, JOE
32:17 - Best promo ever :D FUCK YEAH JOE
38:00 - As bored as I am of Mr Anderson...the choirboy outfit is hilarious.
46:05 - Oh wow, comedy pants. What an amazing gimmick. Anderson is truly awesome.
46:49 - Knockouts - fast forwarding.
53:15 - Awesomeness incoming.
57:52 - Sigh. Hall & Nash. Good match ruined by old men who haven't been relevant in years. Again.
58:51 - Woo, Eric Young in The Band! Finally, they have someone worth mentioning. I hope he's the leader.
60:11 - The O Zone. I'll check it out this week, but I have a sneaky suspicion this is the future star of fast forwarding.
63:48 - Oh, hopefully it's a one-off.
65:15 - Monsters Ball :D
65:42 - I keep hearing AJ's music and being like - Yay, AJ :D Then I remember the stupid highlights, the ridiculous earrings, and the fact that Flair is never far behind, and I'm like - Oh. Yeah. :(
71:14 - AJ wins fair and square :)
71:58 - Desmond v RVD. Lets go Desmond *clap clap clap clap*
72:39 - I like RVD, but it's starting to annoy me how much TNA *want* me to like him.
76:00 - Disappointing match. Dissapointingly short too.
77:45 - Tenay just hit the nail on the head. WCW was over a decade ago. Which is EXACTLY FUCKING WHY they shouldn't be shortening a potentially amazing match to see two old men talk to each other about something nobody gives a fuck about any more.
79:19 - Everyone's been anticipating this for months? Are you fucking mad? NOBODY CARES, WE WANT WRESTLING
83:39 - DO IT STING
84:12 - This iMPACT was like a bacon, turkey, stuffing and mayonaise sandwich, made with the cheapest brown bread available. The middle was fucking awesome, but the stuff either side of it was substandard. Fire Russo. Fire Bishoff.

The Clown from Outta Town's review of Impact!

I invited an old friend of mine who got me into ECW about a decade ago to submit something to Socko's Review. He came up with a gonzo style review of the latest Impact! Introducing The Clown from Outta Town. Enjoy - Socko

5:07 - Woo, new ranking system. Just what pro wrestling needs - more maths!
6:48 - RVD's entrance music mentions the Van Terminator - when are we gonna see it?
7:50 - Haha, Hulky
15:07 - Oh God, please don't make Hogan vs Flair happen
15:20 - And by 'God', I mean 'TNA Management'.
19:20 - Knockouts - fast forwarding.
28:55 - Flair vs Abyss? Surely this'll be a bloodbath?
29:18 - Shanon Moore. I'm 90% sure Morgan will do a run-in.
33:50 - Whoomp, there it is.
35:00 - Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe
35:51 - FUCK YEAH MUSCLE BUSTER
39:14 - These out of focus monologues are starting to get annoying. And this is only the second one. I'm gonna be raging hard in a week or two.
44:54 - GET RID OF THE FUCKING NEWS TICKER
47:29 - Sting's vanished. Predicting lights out -> baseball bat -> win.
47:57 - Oh no, there he is.
48:32 - Ladder off the stage onto a table? Hardy, you're a madman. Also, the baseball bat has come into play, so I was only half wrong :)
49:00 - And the win. So I was only 1/3 wrong.
49:30 - FUCK OFF WITH THE BLURRY, CRAPPY CAMERA CRAP
50:57 - Sweet eyepatch.
54:49 - Pope is awesome. Anderson...not so much.
59:04 - Anderson is like the irritating kid in school that absolutely nobody likes, who for some reason insists on talking to absoloutely everybody. I wish he'd just go away.
60:15 - X-Pac's bleeding from the head all over the concrete. I have been waiting so long to see that. Thank you TNA!
60:22 - watched that 3 times. Hopefully, it's the last we ever see of him in TNA.
65:32 - Neal Vs Morgan. Feud of the century incoming, hold on to your hats, this is gonna get wild.
67:21 - Get out, Moore. We don't want you screwing up this five star feud with your presence.
67:55 - Woo, Maths! Spill the beans, Eric.
68:44 - Internet fans decide who the top ten wrestlers are. Rick Astley's title shot can't be far off.
70:51 - Flair v Abyss. Please, please, please make it no DQ.
70:55 - FUCKING BLURRY MONOLOGUES AGAIN. Loving the Flair subtitles though :)
74:20 - Am I the only one who finds it disturbing that Abyss wears Hogan's ring on his wedding finger??
75:25 - Wait, Abyss v Flair is the main event? What the shit?
79:17 - Holy christ, Flair's face! What the hell did Abyss hit him with??
80:33 - Flair, those brass knuckles are the wrong way round ffs.
82:25 - I really hope Abyss and Jay Lethal recreate the Megapowers.

- The Clown

TNA Impact! - 19th April

Off the back of Lockdown, this week's Impact was fucking awesome, with two PPV main event quality matches. The first being RVD vs Jeff Hardy. I was suprised to see that Hardy was coherent and on great form, especially after jumping off a ladder perched on top of a steel cage through a table. Both men put on a great match, RVD's 3rd in 24 hours. The match was as violent and reckless as you'd expect from these guys, with lots of high-risk moves and crashes into the guard rails. The winner of the match was RVD who went on to challenge AJ for the world title. Again, this was an excellent match and shows the importance of both competitors being on form for a match. The match ran rings around the previous night's match between AJ and Pope, and RVD is now the TNA World Champion. Cynics might suggest that RVD becoming champion was a pre-requisit of him coming to TNA... I'm one of those cynics.
With the longest title reign in TNA history, AJ has been an excellent champion and, contrary to my initial doubts, has turned into a great heel. But of course, when you have so many top wrestlers like RVD, Hardy, Wolfe, etc. it's inevitable that AJ would start to be pushed down the bill.
Highlight of the night: The return of Samoa Joe. Just like when he came to TNA from ROH, Joe came in and dominated, as a secret partner in the Lethal Lockdown rematch with Team Hogan, he came in and showed the viewers exactly why Joe is a top contender in TNA. I still think the guy needs to do some sit-ups though.