For blog's sake...

Where to begin? TNA is capable of so much, that goes for shit and genius. One minute it produces some of the greatest matches I've ever seen, some of the worst swerves too. I thought it was a true spectacle to see AJ Styles drop onto Bully Ray from on basically top of building only for Bully Ray (I cringe when I type that name) to somehow pull the match out of the bag by knocking AJ through a wall and standing up for about a second. The sad part though is that I was half expecting the wall to be Vince Russo all along.

Sting - What the fuck? TNA have now decided that Heath Ledger was so amazing as the Joker (I have to say that he was good despite being shite because the fucker's dead) that they've basically made him as the next incarnation. I've heard that he's going to be having a match against Jack Nicholson with the reanimated ashes of Cesar Romero as special guest referee.

WWE - R Truth. Genius - He's a good R Truth! They should do the same with John Fucking Cena. They've really started to piss me off lately with Super-Cena Man - A man who can be dominated for 99% of a match and will still always win. Poor CM Punk doesn't stand a chance - if he isn't victim to a monumental WWE screwjob in his hometown he'll be tapping to Cena after delivering between 4 and 8 GTS's. I'm getting really bored of the rivalry between Randy Orton and Christian, both are capable of some great matches but enough is enough. Christian has had enough goes, I think it's time for a new face to step up - I'm thinking it could be Wade Barrett's turn.

Sticking with Smackdown, for once I was glad to see Daniel Bryanson lose what was another great match with Cody Rhodes - this one has got some mileage left in it yet. It was also good to see little Daniel to finally get some mic time. He's no CM Punk on the mic but he's pretty good - much better than Randy Orton.

I've never been good at closing articles, so long.

Survivor Series Predictions

As Survivor Series is almost upon us, I figured I’d do some predictions. This is probably most rushed PPV card ever, so it is obvious the WWE haven’t done a great job at building it up. Let’s do this...

- WWE Championship - Orton (c) vs. Barrett w/Cena as ref.
I’m hoping for a Cena heel turn and Barrett to take home the strap. I can’t stand Orton, the guy is as wooden as, erm, some wood and looks like one of the muppets (Beaker?). I can see a lot of bullshit going down in this match, maybe even a good few swerves, but I hope not.
Barrett to win.
(then Miz will cash in his Money in the Bank case)

- World Heavyweight Championship Match - Kane (w/Paul Bearer) vs. Edge
Who cares, will probably be less painful to watch the Kane/Taker... hope Edge wins.
Edge to win.

- Team Del Rio vs. Team Mysterio - Rey Mysterio, The Big Show, Kofi Kingston, M.V.P & Chris Masters vs. Alberto Del Rio, Jack Swagger, Drew McIntyre, "Dashing" Cody Rhodes & Tyler Reks.
Don’t watch Smackdown, so don’t care... flip a coin...
Del rio to win.

- John Morrison vs. Sheamus
This match is stupid. Sheamus has been going after Santino for weeks, so he’s having a match with Morrison... who gives a fuck. Potential to be a half-decent match though.
Morrison to win.


- 2 on 1 Handicap Match for WWE Unified Diva's Championship
Team Laycool (Michelle McCool & Layla) vs. Beth Phoenix
Don’t care about Divas...
The first one to win.

- WWE United States Championship Match
Daniel Bryan vs. Ted DiBiase (w/Maryse)
This could be pretty good, but can see bullshit with Maryse. I’d like to see Danielson keep the strap.
Danielson to win.

- WWE Intercontinental Championship Match
Dolph Ziggler vs. Kaval
This could be the best match of the night, Kaval (Low-ki/Senshi) has been floundering a bit of late, so would like to see him win and have some matches with Danielson.
Low-ki to win

- WWE Tag Team Championship Match
Nexus (Justin Gabriel & Heath Slater) vs. Santino Marella & Vladimir Kozlov

Really? Is this the best they could come up with? TNA gives you Guns/Beer Money/Gen Me... WWE charges you to see Santino and the generic Russian guy versus the ones without personality who stand in a line with Wade Barrett wearing the same T-shirts. WWE tag team division is a complete joke, it really is.

I suppose half of the matches I want to see, which will give me time to go the bar while some of the Socko writers go to watch the event at a bar...


I want to see these in a ladder match at TLC:

Review: WWE Hell in a Cell

Hell in a Cell matches are up there with I Quit matches and ladder matches as my favourite type of matches. Unlike the traditional cage match, the Hell in a Cell has become synonymous with brutality and career-shortening matches. In the spirit of every other PPV put out by WWE these days, the PPV was named after the gimmick – Hell in a Cell. I was hoping that all of the matches would be cell matches (even the submissions count anywhere match), but there were only two.

Match one: USA Championship, submissions count anywhere.
The Miz versus Bryan Danilson (c) versus John Morrison.

When this match started, I was disappointed that a) there was no cell, and b) that this was the first match. I was hoping that it would be higher up on the card and climax on top the cage, but no such luck. The booking for this match was odd; I don’t think that anyone has had Miz or Morrison down as a submission wrestler before this. Indeed, over the past few weeks on Raw they have been showcasing Morrison’s free-running skills. Saying this though, Morrison used a pretty cool looking Reverse Tarantula on the Miz pretty early on, this transitioned into Bryan applying the Cattle Mutilation. The Cattle Mutilation was correctly identified by Stryker, which led to Cole taking the piss out of the move name. This was then broken up by a Twisting Moonsault from the top by Morrison, a move which looks as awesome as it is pointless.
The match moved into the audience with Morrison getting in an Arm Breaker. He then put Danielson on a kind of box thing and pushed it into the ramp. There was a bit of back and forth between Danielson and the Miz whilst Morrison climbed up to the lighting truss and did a Cross Body from about 20ft in the air. The drop looked cool, but because Morrison was caught so nicely by Miz and Danielson, it was probably one of the safest spots of the match. Morrison applied a Texas Cloverleaf onto Danielson on the entrance ramp. It was at this point that Alex Riley got involved tossing Morrison away, this allowed Danielson to hook in the LeBelle Lock onto Miz, with the Miz doing a great selling job before tapping out. Cole even admitted that Danielson was the real deal.
On the whole this was a very good match, but it would have been much better had it been the Miz versus Danielson in and atop of the cell.
Match rating ***½


Match two: WWE Championship, Hell in a Cell match
Randy Orton (c) versus Sheamus

At over 25 minutes, this match was far too long. The crowd were flat, there were large chunks of the match which were boring, and a number of spots which seemed pointless. The match started with a collar and elbow tie up which went on for far too long. They went outside of the ring, Orton hit Sheamus with the steel steps and went back into the ring for the two-count. Throughout the match Orton teased the RKO (remember, if he hits the RKO, it’s all over) a few times and knocked Sheamus for a couple of near-falls. Sheamus brought the steps into the centre of the ring and many of the moves for the rest of the match utilised the steps in some way. There was a nasty looking spot where Orton Scoop Slammed Sheamus onto the steps for a two-count.
One of the dumbest part of this match occurred when Sheamus gave a Backbreaker on to his knee whilst standing on the steps. Using wrestling logic, I would assume that having the steel beneath his feet made the Backbreaker more powerful, erm, or something.
This match really dipped for about 10 minutes, with a lot of back-and-forth kicks and punches going on. The matched climaxed with Sheamus trying to give the High Cross/Razor’s Edge from the steps. Luckily, and thank goodness, Randy Orton countered and hit the Arrrrr Kaaaaayyy Ohhhhhh!!! With the magical move being hit, Orton got the pin and retained the title.
Match Rating: **½


After the match we had a small promo advertising the next PPV, Bragging Rights. Here we had a great WCW moment. With the possibility that the Nexus would be forced to dissolve later that evening, the graphic for the next PPV had the Smackdown versus Raw logo, with the Nexus ‘N’ quite prominent in the graphic. Essentially, WWE gave the results of Wade/Cena match later that night. FFS WWE.


Match Three: Edge versus Jack Swagger

This match seemed to come from nowhere. It began with a promo between Alberto Del Rio, Edge and Jack Swagger. The promo was interrupted by the Raw GM noise (what jurisdiction the Raw GM has over Smackdown guys on a PPV seems a little inconsistent to say the least), with the GM stating that it would be a match between Swagger and Edge, Del Rio skulked off at this point.
The match wasn’t bad, but the crowd really didn’t get into it at all. The crowd reaction was so flat that even the announcers tried to make excuses for them with King noting that the crowd are enjoying watching these guys beat each other up because they are both bad guys, with Stryker adding that crowd was recovering from the last match... yeah right.
Every time I see Jack Swagger wrestle, he seems to have added another of Kurt Angle’s moves to his repertoire. In this match we saw him do the Angle spot where he runs and throws his opponent from the top rope.
The match climaxed with Swagger getting Edge with the Gut-Wrench Powerbomb, and Edge getting the Spear for the win. The in-ring stuff in this match was pretty decent, Edge and Swagger work well together, but without any build-up the crowd really didn’t give a shit, which made the match feel dull and lifeless.
Match rating: **


Match four: John Cena versus Wade Barrett

Much of the drama of this match was diminished from the outside by the aforementioned WCW moment, FFS WWE. On the whole, this was a solid match, Cena and Barrett put on an excellent performance. Early on this match, Cena had Barrett upon his shoulders for the Attitude Adjustment, when Nexus came down the ramp to ring-side. It seems that ‘interference’ must be defined as physically attacking John Cena, this did not happen and Barrett confronted the Nexus. I was hoping at this point that the rest of the Nexus would attack Barrett, therefore disqualifying Cena, but WWE didn’t think to do this, because the match carried on with the Nexi at ringside. The WWE baby-faces then came down to the ring to beat down on Nexus and everyone left.
The crowd were pretty hot for this match, especially when Barrett kicked out of a top-rope Leg Drop and the AA, and Cena kicked out of Wasteland. The climax of the match came when Cena had the STFU locked in and Michael McGillicuddy ran in only to be tackled by the ref. Husky Harris then ran out of the crowd and hit Cena with a weapon whilst the ref’s attention was still on McGillicuddy, Cena was then pinned for the win. During the climax of the match, King and Cole were making out that the guys who came to ring were ‘fans’, though it was really obvious who they were.
I think that the highlight of this match was after the match had finished and the camera cut to some members of the crowd in complete shock. Children and adults alike were in absolute disbelief; I don’t think I’ve seen anything like this since Hogan lost at Wrestlemania VI. Love him or hate him (or as I do, not really give a crap either way), this was a pivotal moment in Cena’s career and probably the WWE for at least the next few months. The repercussions of this match are more important than the match itself, let’s see how WWE play this one.
Match rating: ****


Match five: Divas


Match six: World Heavyweight Championship, Hell in a Cell
Undertaker versus Kane (c)

Hmm, you may as well read my review of the same match for Night of Champions. Watching two old guys relive a feud from over a decade ago using the same move set as each other doesn’t make for interesting TV, especially as Undertaker is clearly hurting these days.
The match had one of the most contrived moments I’ve seen on WWE in years, Taker signalled that it was time to finish and there was a crash of lightning and the lights went out for a moment. Paul Bearer came in with the urn, and just as I was making a joke about green smoke and the urn shenanigans of years past, the urn suddenly flashed and blinded taker allowing Kane to get the win.
I hope to God that this feud is now dead and buried (geddit?).
Match rating *½.


On the whole this was a pretty mediocre PPV which was saved by two matches. The US Championship and the Barrett versus Cena match were the highlights. With WWE advertising Bragging Rights with the Nexus logo on the graphics ruining the impact of Cena losing, the reaction of the crowd meant that it was still a decent match.
PPV rating: ***

Review: WWE Night of Champions

It’s WWE Night of Champions where all 7 titles are up for grabs. I’ve not been following Smackdown, but for the Raw titles, I wanted Danielson to make the Miz tap like a baby and I wanted Wade Barrett to take home the gold.

Let’s do this.

Match one: Intercontinental Championship. Dolph Ziggler versus Kofi Kingstone

As you’d expect this was a solid match, they went through each other’s move set. There was no shenanigans, it was pretty much a clean win with Ziggler getting the Zig Zag. Every time I see Ziggler, he looks more and more like Jeff Jarrett, I keep expecting him to come down to the ring with guitar in hand.
Match rating: ***

Match two: Big Show versus CM Punk

I’m a big fan of CM Punk; the guy is awesome on the mic and amazing in the ring. It has to be said that I’m not a big enough fan to watch Smackdown though. Bring him over to Raw so he can feud with Cena or something. Anyway, this was the second match of Night of Champions, but for some reason it wasn’t a title match. Very bizarre. Before the match Punk came down to the ring and got a real hometown pop from the crowd. Punk did an “I love Chicago” bit then started laying into its residents – this was brilliant.
Luckily this was a pretty short match, it was also pretty dull. Big Show did his usual ‘giant’ thing and tackled Punk to give him his ‘Big Right Hand’. I always thought that a closed fist was grounds for a DQ in wrestling, but I suppose if it has a name then that’s okay... hmm...
Match rating: **

Match three: US title. Bryan Danielson versus the Miz

This match was great. Perfect length, fast-paced, some great submissions, great drama. Miz lost by tapping out and cried like a bitch at the end. I can’t emphasise how much I enjoyed this match and was genuinely happy to see Danielson get the title after all the bullshit of Chokegate (it’s a controversy, you have to put gate at the end, so shut the fuck up). I’m sure this will make it into my top ten matches of the year.
Match rating: ****½

Between the matches there was a great promo by Cena where he seemed to be taking the piss out of all the percentage talk you get on these kind of matches. Just watch it on YouTube if you’ve not seen it.

Match four: Divas... Lumberjills?

Match five: World Heavyweight Championship. Undertaker versus Kane.

This match went on for nearly 20 minutes and bored the hell out of me. Two big, slow guys (one who can barely walk these days); trying to recapture something that had gotten old over a decade ago. Pointless match, which was really painful to watch. I felt really sorry for Taker watching this; he’s just past it now and he’s clearly hurting. They both worked really hard, but it just didn’t feel good.
Kane retained the title, woo.
Match rating: *½

Match six: Tag titles: tag team turmoil.

This was basically a gauntlet match between pretty much all of the tag teams, including, erm, Mark Henry and Evan Bourne. This match was a waste of time, it was dull as hell.
Match rating: *

Match seven: Six pack challenge.

This was a mixed bag. Going into this match I thought that Wade Barrett would be next champion. Even though Randy Orton had been given a massive babyface push over the past few months, I thought him winning would be far too obvious... it was. This being said, there were some surprises: Jericho got eliminated with about a minute, Barrett eliminated Cena, Cena went mental on the Nexus guys with a steel chair. But, unsurprisingly, Orton got the win with the, you guessed it, the RKO. Eugh, I really can’t stand the “if he hits that move, it’s all over” approach, and I really don’t get what people see in Orton.
So with Orton the new champ, I was waiting for the Miz to cash in the Money in the Bank case... didn’t happen. I’m sure it will happen at Hell in a Cell when Orton/Sheamus will no doubt have a rematch... but Miz will lose.
Match rating: ***

Overall this was a solid PPV, there were a few surprises, but nothing major. The Miz and Danielson match was by far the highlight.

PPV rating: ***½

Review: WWE Summerslam 2010

Coming into Summerslam, there weren’t really any matches which I was particularly excited about seeing. I was interested to see how the Nexsus angle would pan out during this one, but wasn’t particularly excited about seeing Bret Hart in the ring again. Let’s get to it.

The first match was Kofi Kingston versus Dolph Ziggler for the Intercontinental title. The match wasn’t bad, Kofi and Dolph work pretty well together. We had a Suicide Dive from Kofi straight into the guard rail as Ziggle was pulled out of the way by Vicky Guerrero. Kofi hit a shockingly bad Thesz Press, and did some pretty lame spots. Just as Ziggler got Kofi into a sleeper hold, Nexus ran in and the match was over. With Ziggler making a sharp exit, Kofi was left to receive a beat down from the Nexus. Barrett cut a promo over the squirming Kofi, suggesting that this was just a taste of what’s to come.

Rating: **

After the Divas match was the Big Show versus the Straight Edge Society. This match was pretty lame. Show came out and removed the tape from his hands, thus invalidating the injury angle (this guy must heal incredibly fast – scientists should do some research on him). There were some pretty cool spots in the match, there was a double Bulldog on Show at one point (which was described as a double DDT by Michael Cole – it clearly wasn’t a DDT). Punk makes a hasty retreat which allows Show to Choke Slam Mercury onto Gallows for a clean win.

Rating: *½

After a pretty decent promo by the Miz, we have the match between Randy Orton and Sheamus for the WWE Championship. I don’t know why, but I really can’t stand Randy Orton. There are much better in-ring technicians than he, and much better people on the mic... but anyway, the match wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t memorable by any stretch of the imagination. The story of this match was that Sheamus was working on Orton’s right shoulder. There seemed to be a lot of basic moves which were given new names (such as the Celtic Hammer, which is actually just a double Axe Handle), which seemed kind of pointless to me. There was a bit of a confusing spot where Sheamus (apparently) reversed an RKO, even though it looked as though Orton hit it. After getting the Irish Curse (AKA the Celtic Cross, AKA the High Cross, AKA The Razor’s Edge) for the two count; Sheamus picked up a chair and accidently bumped the ref. The ref then called for a DQ and therefore Sheamus keeps the title. With the stipulation that if Orton lost he would be sent to the back of the queue, we have a technical win on Orton’s part, but he doesn’t get the title (yet, no doubt).

Rating: **½

Next up was the World Heavyweight Championship with heavyweight Rey Mysterio versus Kane (why Kane is still holding the strap I’ll never know). I wasn’t feeling this one, and I don’t think that the crowd were either. Kane came down to the ring with a casket even though it wasn’t a casket match. The commentary for this match was piss poor. Striker at one point noted that Rey Mysterio’s “Luche Libreness” had come into play, he also noted that the crowd was so subdued because of the gravity of this match, hmm. Kane got the clean win with a Chokeslam and after the count did a few more Chokeslams and a Tombstone. Kane then the opened the casket to reveal... The Undertaker. Wow, nobody saw that one coming, right? Kane put Taker in a Chokeslam and made him look very weak... but he has been in a vegetative state, right? So, wow, we’re going to have another fucking feud between Kane and Undertaker... for the love of God...

Rating: *½

And onto the main event: Nexus versus Team WWE. I didn’t have high hopes for this one, but I’ve got to admit that it was excellently done. John Cena came out with his new colour scheme (shit, that means my orange Cena t-shirt is now out of date, we’ll have to buy the new ones). With Miz bragging that he was the final member of Team WWE, it was up to Cena to reveal who it was: Bryan Danielson. I did not see this coming, I said only a few days ago that “I think that the Bryan Danielson thing could be good if they bring him back as a babyface” – it seems that that’s what WWE have done; though it seems that WWE have kept Danielson’s ‘slave name’. There were some great spots throughout this one, Danielson dominated from the off getting Darren Young to tap to a Crossface variation in less than a minute. There were chants for we want Bret, which struck me as a bit odd: what the fuck is Bret Hart going to do? This guy’s hurting, he’s had a stroke and it’s just a bit sad to see him make a tit of himself the way he did a few months back at Wrestlemania. Luckily, Bret didn’t look too bad, he probably looked better than his WCW days in all honesty, but he’s not “the best there is” anymore. When Bret came back in a few minutes later, Michael Cole said something along the lines of “Bret Hart’s had some big Summerslam moments in his career, but if Team WWE can pull this off, this will be the biggest”... Are you fucking kidding me? Is this bigger than Wembley? Don’t fucking patronise me, Cole. Bret was DQed for using a chair, and to be honest, I think this was possibly the best that Bret has been booked since his return. He didn’t take any bumps, he kind of looked cool and he was dominant throughout his slot. Jericho got in an awesome Lionsault in on this one, he was a babyface during this one, and it was great. He even brought out his line of “you are a stupid man, you are stupid man to Cena” – this was comic genius, not sure if it was meant to be, but it gets me every time. Danielson came back in and kick some more ass. The Miz came out and hit Danielson with MitB case which knocked Bryan out for the pin. Finally, we had Cena versus Justin Gabriel and Wade Barrett. Cena did his, ahem, Five Knuckle Shuffle. For those not familiar with British idioms, a Five Knuckle Shuffle is the same a wank (masturbation, taking your cock in your hand and pumping it until happy milk pops out of the little guy). Blah blah. Cena ended up getting the STF on Barrett who tapped out (remember that contrary to MMA, tapping out is the worst/most humiliating thing a person can do when one of their limbs is about to be snapped off). Against all the odds, Cena got the win and everyone was happy. “We win, we win” Striker was saying. Lovely stuff.

Rating: ****

On the whole, this was a very well-booked PPV. A few of the matches were pretty shit, but the last match made up for it. There were some surprises (some more expected than others), but most importantly they’ve got Danielson back (hopefully he’ll be jobbing ob Raw this time next week). Necause of the win, Nexus is pretty much done. It would have worked better had they made Cena tap, but hey, it's all soap opera...

Overall: ***

Greatest Promos Ever! "You're just a poor man's JR..."

I've not said much about the ongoing rumours surrounding Danielson's exit from WWE over a month ago. I'm not really interested in the backstage politicking and bickering that goes on to be honest. At Socko's Review, I like to think that we are all fans rather than smarks, so much of the posturing and rumours are neither here or there. The promo I want to share is one of Bryan Danielson's from NXT. It's brilliant:

NXT: The end of Daniel Bryan

Not that anyone has been watching, but Daniel Bryan has been voted off of NXT.



Classic Danielson. I hope that WWE put him on Smackdown and build him up to take a few belts, then in a year or two move him across to Raw. If he goes to Raw now, he'll be lost in the mix. Danielson is the perfect candidate for a Smackdown push.

The American Dragon returns? Lets hope so!

Review: WWE Raw, 10th May

This week's Raw was a lot more entertaining than it has been of late, but the in-ring stuff, on the whole, still falls into the bracket of what I've been calling 'wrestling-lite'.

Raw opened with ol' snake eyes Randy Orton calling Edge out for a mic wrestle... But wait, that's not Edge's music, that's a Meatloaf song. So Meatloaf came out out to plug his new album, which no one under the age of 45 is likely to buy (it has a song written by Bon Jovi on it, hell yeah!). It's weird, when Meatloaf's not singing, the guy can be pretty entertaining. He was in the ring dancing round Orton trying to get Orton to have one of his songs as his theme song. Orton just stood there. Meatloaf then started singing in Orton's face. Orton just stood there. Meatloaf continues to piss Orton off. Orton's so wooden he makes Mokujin from Tekken seem like a viable alternative for spooning at bed time. The wooden man starts to move; it's a bit like that uncanny moment in the Wizard of Oz when Dorothy realises that the scarecrow is alive. Orton then goes for his trademark RKO. With Orton's relationship with guest hosts, RKOing them at every opportunity, you can't help but think that Orton is a poor man's Stone Cold and the RKO is a cheap facsimile of the Stunner.



With Meatloaf out cold, Edge makes his appearence with Vicky Guerrero in tow, standing there like some greedy girl who's eaten the last block of butter. It seems that Edge has convinced WWE management to bring her in as General Manager. It's not great, but it's better than the guest host bullshit. There's a bit of a microphone exchange. Vicky puts Orton in a handicap match, which is quite appropriate as he looks a bit simple.

Next we have a pretty mediocre match between Mini-Bulldog and Jericho for a chance for Jiz to have a title shot at Over the Limit. He wins, the match is pretty uneventful.

Now for the guest host, who enters with R Truth: the one and only Flava Flav (who's on plugging some reality show or something). For those not familiar with Flava Flav, he was basically the talentless one from Public Enemy who would wear the big clock and stupid hats and whose ability on the mic went as far as him saying 'yeah, boiiiieee'. He didn't disappoint. Flava Flav entered looking like he'd just stepped off of the set for the Don't Believe the Hype' video shoot. Stupid hat, big clock and 'yeah, boiiiieee'. Like the Bez of hip-hop, Flava Flav had exhausted all of his gimmicks. With the match between Regal and Truth it was only a matter of time before something heel happened. And boom! Not one, but two Virgils come in the ring end the match in the form of Carlito and Primo. Dibiase comes out onto the ramp and pays them for their Virgilious services.

Next there was Divas promo spot. Now, I think that the Divas thing is a joke. Just a bit of wank fodder for teenage boys. WWE don't make any effort to take women's wrestling seriously, so I don't take the Divas seriously. Sorry ladies. In a promo spot, Maryse is showing that she does have some genuine athletic ability by showing her training with a martial arts coach. Just check out the bitch slap she gives this guy, it must have smarted like crazy.



With a pointless match with Jack Rider out of the way, we move onto Tyson Kid versus the Miz, if the Miz lost he would have to defend his American Championship title against a member of the Hart Family of his choosing. The match was over in a few seconds with Tyson Kid getting a quick pin. Tyson Kid has the most stupid hair in the WW; I imagine that this is how Tin Tin would do his hair if he got a job as a rent boy. So Miz chose to defend his title against Bret Hart, presumably so Bret can leave the WWE with some dignity this time.

Next up was a match with the NXT 'rookies' facing a team of John Morrison, Goldust and a couple of jobbers whose names escape me. The match was pretty poor except for the fact the Brian Danielson got the pin meaning his first WWE victory was on Raw. It's about time he started getting some heat, he should be on Raw already, not on some bullshit let-down of a reality show.

We then cut to one of the most entertaining promos of the night, featuring none other than, Cannock's finest, William Regal. As a mic wrestler, Regal's still got it, it's just a shame that WWE see fit to put him in the role of jobber on Raw, teaming him up with the token Russian heel guy, Boris whatever. In the promo Regal essentially lets Flava Flav know what time it is (geddit? Flava Flav wears a clock, geddit?), by letting him know that he is a talentless fuck who rides on the coatails of the infinitely more talented Chuck D. Okay, maybe he didn't quite go that far, but it's still funny... and topical!



Next we see Mark Henry getting choked out by Batista in a match that didn't happen. I was glad to see Mark Henry being done over in such a way. Yeah, he might be the world's strongest man, but he can't wrestle for shit and he looks like a fat bastard.

Then we have the spaz match with Randolf, Edge and Dibiase. Again, the match is pretty dull and Orton wins. By the end of the match he attacks Vicky G with the RKO after she pleads and offers her resignation. What a bastard.



Thank fuck that screeching bint has been let go.

In summary: another episode of wrestling lite with some pretty funny promos. Still, it's better than Smackdown.

Bring on Sacrifice!

Greatest Promos Ever! "It's a hybrid dolphin..."

This is great. Paul London & Bryan Danielson promoting the PWG One Hundred show. Every time I watch it, I crack up. Every time.



- Clown

Tell me why I don't like Mondays...

Raw wasn't great this week but there was a couple of impressive debut matches from some of the 'rookies', especially Brian Danielson. He was never going to win, but looked good none the less.

Then there's Sheamus, the angry Irishman. He ticks a few of the stereotypical boxes such as calling people 'Fella', Christian imagery on his outfit, pasty complexion and ginger hair - I guess he has much to be angry about, all things considered. Watching him run in on a weekly basis, kick someone in the head, look smug and then exit again is just getting a little tedious.

I watched Raw this week in the company of Mr Socko of Mr Socko's Pro Wrestling Review fame and we both came to the conclusion that Smackdown is turning into a bit of a dumping ground for shite stars (Jack Swagger, Undertaker, Kane, Big Show etc.) and that WWE in general is just getting somewhat... tame.

Onwards and upwards then, TNA impact on the same day. TNA has been on the up again for a while now so surely nothing could stop this train from coming off the track, could it? The show for me started with great work from Jay Lethal and the very convincing Ric Flair impersonation he did (obviously only if you keep your eyes closed) who has started to make a bit of a name for himself lately, but when he had flair where he should have been the typically boring free for all started which was a good moment for Hogan to come in and steal the spotlight as usual. One of the biggest surprises for me regarding flair this week is the fact that he didn't bleed at all; has he finally bled himself dry?

Knockouts - Fast forward time. However, at the end of this match, Tara (or is it Tera?) pretty much announced that she's off, so that's a bonus.

Mr. Anderson was pretty amusing as always, Jeff Hardy looked bloated, drugs taking their toll perchance.

The band... Embarrassing as always and now they have a new member to change their incontinence pants and wipe the dribble from their mouths, Eric Young. If you include Sean Waltman, they have a combined age of 170 - scrape that barrel baby.

Orlando Jordan and the O-Zone - hmm, don't ask.

Desmond Wolfe challenging RVD was simply disappointing, it could have been a classic if Hulk didn't need to steal the spotlight one more time with Sting.

I'd give it maybe 5/10, but I'm feeling generous - I agree with Clown - good in the middle, but shite elsewhere.

WWE comes to the UK...

Last weekend, I went to see Smackdown in Manchester, and on the whole it was pretty good. There were some great matches and more importantly some great chants.
When Zigler came to the ring, all I heard around me was "He's Jeff Jarrett", when Kane came to the ring there were chants of "Issac Yankem" clap clap clap clap clap and "He's a dentist." When Fat Hardy and Drew MacIntire were pissing about the crowd were chanting "we want wrestling", and when WWE's own MCMG clones 'the Dude Busters' came out, we got the most British of chants, straight from the football terraces of "who are ye? who are ye?" - not because we Brits didn't know who they were, but because they are shit. I think my favourite of the night was the chant of "enter-tain-ment" clap clap clap clap clap... you know it works.
So that was my live experience. It was pretty cool, the crowd was a bit flat, but on the whole pretty decent. I took my kid brother for his 11th birthday and he got to meet the Honey Monster. I was hoping to see HM in a hardcore match, but I'm a dreamer, man.
The highlight of the night was the triple threat match between Edge, Jericho and Swagger. Of course, a title changing hands was less likely than Ric Flair being tolerant to homosexuals, but it was worth it to see Bret Hart as enforcer putting Swagger into the victorious Swagger at the end of the match. (Like in Smackdown, Swagger had got a pin on Jericho from Edge's spear).
On to the broadcasts...
Lets's be honest, guest hosts on Raw are a bag of shit. A bunch of C list celebs who are only vaguely famous in America plugging their bullshit while we're waiting for the wrestling. This week was no exception. Contrary to what the commentators on Raw would have you believe, David Hasselhoff is not seen as a god in the UK (they're thinking of Germany), people see him as a joke. A bit of a sad parody of a famous person, the type of guy who student's though was cool about ten years ago. His recent hit only charted in the UK because of people ironically buying his record because Radio One's fattest DJ, Chris Moyles thought that it would be heeelarious (and it really was).
I'm not the biggest fan of women's wrestling, but I thought that the Baywatch Babe match was just a little bit insulting. Who was it aimed at? Baywatch hasn't been on the TV for about 15 years and most of its fans aren't teenage boys anymore, but in their 30s with kids and dogs and patios and pension schemes and are so desensitized to the excesses of internet porn that a few women jumping round in swimsuits just don't do it for them any more... unless they're farting on a Brazilian girl or something.
The fact is that the whole show was bullshit, especially the thinly veiled excuse to bring Orton over Smackdown (he's wrestled everyone on the Raw roster at least 3-4 times), by offering a shot at the World Championship against Swagger at Extreme Rules.
The highlight of the show was Miz's microphone wrestling against Bret Gart, that was funny as fuck.
Onto Smackdown...
at the minute, I think I prefer Smackdown to Raw, mainly because of CM Punk's microphone wrestling. I've marked for Punk for a few years now and can't wait to see him get back in the ring with Brian Danielson or Daniel Bryanson, whatever he's called now. Bring in McGuiness (AKA Desmond Wolfe) and Samoa Joe from TNA and you've got an ROH circa 2005 reunion - and it would piss over most of the WWE roster at the moment.
I'm not going to go into details about the matches on this one, but draw attention to one of the funniest moments I've seen on WWE for a few years, and completely unintentionally.
There was a point where the Miz came down to commentate on the six-man tag match between Hart Dynasty/Ray Mysterio and SxE. The result's was so obvious; it is actually a scientific and logical impossibility for Rey Mysterio to lose in a match with CM Punk. So, the Miz is sat at the announcer's table bragging about his Blue Peter badge. If you believe the Miz, then he was given it by "the UK" and it's like a "key to the city". Any UK fans will know the Blue Peter is the program of choice for little middle class kids who are into making stuff with "sticky-back plastic' and toilet roll tubes.
I'll let you judge by the clip. Just a side note, my missus went to school with Helen Skelton.



Bring on Lockdown and Extreme Rules!