WWE Elimination Chamber predictions revisited

The Elimination Chamber is one of my favourite gimmick matches, and this PPV did not disappooint. Let's see how I did, I've got a pretty good feeling about this one:

"-- WWE champion The Miz vs. Jerry Lawler for the WWE Title.

Miz. This match will be decent enough, but very old school. I can see Cole helping the Miz get the win (again), thus leading to some kind of Cole/Lawler match at Wrestlemania to rival Mr McMahon vs. Bret Hart at WM 26 for stinker of the decade."

Miz won, but with a clean victory. The match was very good, old school, but very good. Before the match Lawler did an awesome promo which actually made the title seem like it actually meant something for the first time in God knows how long. I'm glad they are giving Miz some clean victories over credible opponents, they've booked Miz pretty badly over the last year, and I think they are only just starting to book him as a champion.

Match rating: ****

"-- Smackdown Elimination Chamber match - World Hvt. Title match: World champion Edge vs. Rey Mysterio vs. Kane vs. Wade Barrett vs. Drew McIntyre. One slot vacated.

So Ziggler's going to come back in and Edge will retain. Simple."

Okay, so Ziggler didn't make a comeback tonight, but Edge did win. I really enjoyed this Elimination Chamber match, I actually think that this was slightly better than the Raw one, the last ten minutes were particularly good.

Match rating: ****1/2


"-- Raw Elimination Chamber match - #1 contender match to WWE Title: John Cena vs. Randy Orton vs. C.M. Punk vs. John Morrison vs. Sheamus vs. R-Truth.

It's going to be Cena, though I'd like to see Punk headline WM, that ain't gonna happen any time soon."

This was another great EC match. There were some pretty cool spots in this one, and all the guys (except maybe Orton) worked their asses off and used the cage to do some pretty cool spots, and some stupid ones it must be said. There was one spot where Morrison scaled the cage, right up to the middle of the roof, and then he just kind of dropped down on Sheamus, who had been waiting to catch him for almost a minute. I though that Morrison would have done something a bit more interesting here, and maybe he was meant to. A lot of the stuff was highlight reel material, and when you saw the nasty bruises developing on Punk and Sheamus, you knew that they were putting their bodies on the line in this one.

Match rating: ****

"-- #1 contender Alberto Del Rio vs. IC champion Kofi Kingston.

Is this for the IC belt? Kofi loses pretty much every match he's in, and Del Rio needs to look strong on the run-up to WM, be stupid if Del Rio loses."

Del Rio won, and this was a great opener: fast-paced, quite a few near-falls. Del Rio won with his Cross Arm-breaker, so no suprises there, and the IC title wasn't mentioned once. It would have been cool for Del Rio to have the IC belt on the run-up to WM, but the title means less than the main ones, so I suppose it doesn't matter.

Match rating: ***

"-- WWE Unified tag champions Santino & Kozlov vs. Corre (Justin Gabriel & Heath Slater) for the WWE Tag Titles

PLEASE BE THE CORRE. I hate the Corre, I hate their name, I hate Heath Slater, I hate their gimmick (I think they are meant to be a communist Nexus)... but, if it means Santino and Koslov aren't champs, then I'm all for it... probably won't even watch this one."

The Corre won, and the match was sloppy. I really don't like watch Santino or Koslov in the ring, and I'm not convinced by Heath Slater. Michael Cole's started calling him 'the one-man rock band' - does this mean that he plays guitar, sings, and has a number of percussion instruments attached by strings to different parts of his body when he plays? I think it does.

Match rating: **

Overall, I really enjoyed this PPV. The matches (apart from the tag match) were great, the PPV was let down by stupid segments which should have been on Raw. When Trish Stratus came out and started doing Rock catchphrases only a week after the real Rock had come out and tore the house down with his promo on Raw, it seemed kind of lame... but Christian came back, so at least that's a plus. Booker T on commentary is also awful.

Review: WWE Hell in a Cell

Hell in a Cell matches are up there with I Quit matches and ladder matches as my favourite type of matches. Unlike the traditional cage match, the Hell in a Cell has become synonymous with brutality and career-shortening matches. In the spirit of every other PPV put out by WWE these days, the PPV was named after the gimmick – Hell in a Cell. I was hoping that all of the matches would be cell matches (even the submissions count anywhere match), but there were only two.

Match one: USA Championship, submissions count anywhere.
The Miz versus Bryan Danilson (c) versus John Morrison.

When this match started, I was disappointed that a) there was no cell, and b) that this was the first match. I was hoping that it would be higher up on the card and climax on top the cage, but no such luck. The booking for this match was odd; I don’t think that anyone has had Miz or Morrison down as a submission wrestler before this. Indeed, over the past few weeks on Raw they have been showcasing Morrison’s free-running skills. Saying this though, Morrison used a pretty cool looking Reverse Tarantula on the Miz pretty early on, this transitioned into Bryan applying the Cattle Mutilation. The Cattle Mutilation was correctly identified by Stryker, which led to Cole taking the piss out of the move name. This was then broken up by a Twisting Moonsault from the top by Morrison, a move which looks as awesome as it is pointless.
The match moved into the audience with Morrison getting in an Arm Breaker. He then put Danielson on a kind of box thing and pushed it into the ramp. There was a bit of back and forth between Danielson and the Miz whilst Morrison climbed up to the lighting truss and did a Cross Body from about 20ft in the air. The drop looked cool, but because Morrison was caught so nicely by Miz and Danielson, it was probably one of the safest spots of the match. Morrison applied a Texas Cloverleaf onto Danielson on the entrance ramp. It was at this point that Alex Riley got involved tossing Morrison away, this allowed Danielson to hook in the LeBelle Lock onto Miz, with the Miz doing a great selling job before tapping out. Cole even admitted that Danielson was the real deal.
On the whole this was a very good match, but it would have been much better had it been the Miz versus Danielson in and atop of the cell.
Match rating ***½


Match two: WWE Championship, Hell in a Cell match
Randy Orton (c) versus Sheamus

At over 25 minutes, this match was far too long. The crowd were flat, there were large chunks of the match which were boring, and a number of spots which seemed pointless. The match started with a collar and elbow tie up which went on for far too long. They went outside of the ring, Orton hit Sheamus with the steel steps and went back into the ring for the two-count. Throughout the match Orton teased the RKO (remember, if he hits the RKO, it’s all over) a few times and knocked Sheamus for a couple of near-falls. Sheamus brought the steps into the centre of the ring and many of the moves for the rest of the match utilised the steps in some way. There was a nasty looking spot where Orton Scoop Slammed Sheamus onto the steps for a two-count.
One of the dumbest part of this match occurred when Sheamus gave a Backbreaker on to his knee whilst standing on the steps. Using wrestling logic, I would assume that having the steel beneath his feet made the Backbreaker more powerful, erm, or something.
This match really dipped for about 10 minutes, with a lot of back-and-forth kicks and punches going on. The matched climaxed with Sheamus trying to give the High Cross/Razor’s Edge from the steps. Luckily, and thank goodness, Randy Orton countered and hit the Arrrrr Kaaaaayyy Ohhhhhh!!! With the magical move being hit, Orton got the pin and retained the title.
Match Rating: **½


After the match we had a small promo advertising the next PPV, Bragging Rights. Here we had a great WCW moment. With the possibility that the Nexus would be forced to dissolve later that evening, the graphic for the next PPV had the Smackdown versus Raw logo, with the Nexus ‘N’ quite prominent in the graphic. Essentially, WWE gave the results of Wade/Cena match later that night. FFS WWE.


Match Three: Edge versus Jack Swagger

This match seemed to come from nowhere. It began with a promo between Alberto Del Rio, Edge and Jack Swagger. The promo was interrupted by the Raw GM noise (what jurisdiction the Raw GM has over Smackdown guys on a PPV seems a little inconsistent to say the least), with the GM stating that it would be a match between Swagger and Edge, Del Rio skulked off at this point.
The match wasn’t bad, but the crowd really didn’t get into it at all. The crowd reaction was so flat that even the announcers tried to make excuses for them with King noting that the crowd are enjoying watching these guys beat each other up because they are both bad guys, with Stryker adding that crowd was recovering from the last match... yeah right.
Every time I see Jack Swagger wrestle, he seems to have added another of Kurt Angle’s moves to his repertoire. In this match we saw him do the Angle spot where he runs and throws his opponent from the top rope.
The match climaxed with Swagger getting Edge with the Gut-Wrench Powerbomb, and Edge getting the Spear for the win. The in-ring stuff in this match was pretty decent, Edge and Swagger work well together, but without any build-up the crowd really didn’t give a shit, which made the match feel dull and lifeless.
Match rating: **


Match four: John Cena versus Wade Barrett

Much of the drama of this match was diminished from the outside by the aforementioned WCW moment, FFS WWE. On the whole, this was a solid match, Cena and Barrett put on an excellent performance. Early on this match, Cena had Barrett upon his shoulders for the Attitude Adjustment, when Nexus came down the ramp to ring-side. It seems that ‘interference’ must be defined as physically attacking John Cena, this did not happen and Barrett confronted the Nexus. I was hoping at this point that the rest of the Nexus would attack Barrett, therefore disqualifying Cena, but WWE didn’t think to do this, because the match carried on with the Nexi at ringside. The WWE baby-faces then came down to the ring to beat down on Nexus and everyone left.
The crowd were pretty hot for this match, especially when Barrett kicked out of a top-rope Leg Drop and the AA, and Cena kicked out of Wasteland. The climax of the match came when Cena had the STFU locked in and Michael McGillicuddy ran in only to be tackled by the ref. Husky Harris then ran out of the crowd and hit Cena with a weapon whilst the ref’s attention was still on McGillicuddy, Cena was then pinned for the win. During the climax of the match, King and Cole were making out that the guys who came to ring were ‘fans’, though it was really obvious who they were.
I think that the highlight of this match was after the match had finished and the camera cut to some members of the crowd in complete shock. Children and adults alike were in absolute disbelief; I don’t think I’ve seen anything like this since Hogan lost at Wrestlemania VI. Love him or hate him (or as I do, not really give a crap either way), this was a pivotal moment in Cena’s career and probably the WWE for at least the next few months. The repercussions of this match are more important than the match itself, let’s see how WWE play this one.
Match rating: ****


Match five: Divas


Match six: World Heavyweight Championship, Hell in a Cell
Undertaker versus Kane (c)

Hmm, you may as well read my review of the same match for Night of Champions. Watching two old guys relive a feud from over a decade ago using the same move set as each other doesn’t make for interesting TV, especially as Undertaker is clearly hurting these days.
The match had one of the most contrived moments I’ve seen on WWE in years, Taker signalled that it was time to finish and there was a crash of lightning and the lights went out for a moment. Paul Bearer came in with the urn, and just as I was making a joke about green smoke and the urn shenanigans of years past, the urn suddenly flashed and blinded taker allowing Kane to get the win.
I hope to God that this feud is now dead and buried (geddit?).
Match rating *½.


On the whole this was a pretty mediocre PPV which was saved by two matches. The US Championship and the Barrett versus Cena match were the highlights. With WWE advertising Bragging Rights with the Nexus logo on the graphics ruining the impact of Cena losing, the reaction of the crowd meant that it was still a decent match.
PPV rating: ***

Review: WWE Night of Champions

It’s WWE Night of Champions where all 7 titles are up for grabs. I’ve not been following Smackdown, but for the Raw titles, I wanted Danielson to make the Miz tap like a baby and I wanted Wade Barrett to take home the gold.

Let’s do this.

Match one: Intercontinental Championship. Dolph Ziggler versus Kofi Kingstone

As you’d expect this was a solid match, they went through each other’s move set. There was no shenanigans, it was pretty much a clean win with Ziggler getting the Zig Zag. Every time I see Ziggler, he looks more and more like Jeff Jarrett, I keep expecting him to come down to the ring with guitar in hand.
Match rating: ***

Match two: Big Show versus CM Punk

I’m a big fan of CM Punk; the guy is awesome on the mic and amazing in the ring. It has to be said that I’m not a big enough fan to watch Smackdown though. Bring him over to Raw so he can feud with Cena or something. Anyway, this was the second match of Night of Champions, but for some reason it wasn’t a title match. Very bizarre. Before the match Punk came down to the ring and got a real hometown pop from the crowd. Punk did an “I love Chicago” bit then started laying into its residents – this was brilliant.
Luckily this was a pretty short match, it was also pretty dull. Big Show did his usual ‘giant’ thing and tackled Punk to give him his ‘Big Right Hand’. I always thought that a closed fist was grounds for a DQ in wrestling, but I suppose if it has a name then that’s okay... hmm...
Match rating: **

Match three: US title. Bryan Danielson versus the Miz

This match was great. Perfect length, fast-paced, some great submissions, great drama. Miz lost by tapping out and cried like a bitch at the end. I can’t emphasise how much I enjoyed this match and was genuinely happy to see Danielson get the title after all the bullshit of Chokegate (it’s a controversy, you have to put gate at the end, so shut the fuck up). I’m sure this will make it into my top ten matches of the year.
Match rating: ****½

Between the matches there was a great promo by Cena where he seemed to be taking the piss out of all the percentage talk you get on these kind of matches. Just watch it on YouTube if you’ve not seen it.

Match four: Divas... Lumberjills?

Match five: World Heavyweight Championship. Undertaker versus Kane.

This match went on for nearly 20 minutes and bored the hell out of me. Two big, slow guys (one who can barely walk these days); trying to recapture something that had gotten old over a decade ago. Pointless match, which was really painful to watch. I felt really sorry for Taker watching this; he’s just past it now and he’s clearly hurting. They both worked really hard, but it just didn’t feel good.
Kane retained the title, woo.
Match rating: *½

Match six: Tag titles: tag team turmoil.

This was basically a gauntlet match between pretty much all of the tag teams, including, erm, Mark Henry and Evan Bourne. This match was a waste of time, it was dull as hell.
Match rating: *

Match seven: Six pack challenge.

This was a mixed bag. Going into this match I thought that Wade Barrett would be next champion. Even though Randy Orton had been given a massive babyface push over the past few months, I thought him winning would be far too obvious... it was. This being said, there were some surprises: Jericho got eliminated with about a minute, Barrett eliminated Cena, Cena went mental on the Nexus guys with a steel chair. But, unsurprisingly, Orton got the win with the, you guessed it, the RKO. Eugh, I really can’t stand the “if he hits that move, it’s all over” approach, and I really don’t get what people see in Orton.
So with Orton the new champ, I was waiting for the Miz to cash in the Money in the Bank case... didn’t happen. I’m sure it will happen at Hell in a Cell when Orton/Sheamus will no doubt have a rematch... but Miz will lose.
Match rating: ***

Overall this was a solid PPV, there were a few surprises, but nothing major. The Miz and Danielson match was by far the highlight.

PPV rating: ***½

RAW's Booking picking up steam

Hey everyone Chris Wilson here, but for now you can just call me TiTan. I just got back into watching the WWE just recently and there's no better way to start off my week than with RAW. Now remember guys i'm not rating the matches i'm rating the booking and the segments/promos involved in the show.



I'm rating from 1 to 5, 1 being boring , 2 being lackluster, 3 being average, 4 entertaining, and 5 being must watch.





Let's start off with Randy Orton vs. Edge vs. Chris Jericho, Coming out of the MITB PPV this a good match to start off with. These three are obviously top contenders for the WWE Title(mainly because Cena is tied up with the Nexus angle). Good to determine a new #1 contender at the beggining of the show while playing into Edge and Jericho's feud, while giving the crowd endless reasons to mark for Orton early in the show. I was surprised to see this first being that the Nexus angle seems to be dominating RAW right now. But all in all good way to start the show. So I give the booking of Randy Orton vs. Edge vs. Chris Jericho a 4 out of 5.



When we return from commercial, Edge is in the ring demanding that Jericho come back out to the ring. The two jaw at each other for a minute, and i'm thinking they are going to go at it at SummerSlam.....Then Jericho mentions Nexus and then it got interesting, Jericho? Leader of the Nexus??? Enter the Nexus and with the snap of a finger my interest returns. Wade Barrett speaks and of course they quickly jump on Edge, lolz at Jericho cheering them on. Wade Barrett speaks again berating Jericho for claiming their own and they quickly jump on him as well. Nice way of tying the Nexus angle into the Jericho/Edge feud, And an even better way of separating Barrett from his pro. Its a breath of fresh air from the "usual" random Nexus attacks. I say i'll give that segment a 4 out of 5 and later on I'll tell you why.



When we return once again The Nexus are heading into their locker room and Barrett is approached by Josh Matthews. Matthews questions if any individual in Nexus can beat Mark Henry, Barrett quickly says Henry is quaking in his boots and that he will write a new chapter in WWE history. As Barrett tries to enter the locker room again he is approached by Sheamus and Sheamus offers a proposal, Barrett offers for him to step into his office, Sheamus quickly decides to wait outside. I have to say didn't like the placement of this segment I thought a match should have been in this spot so I give the Nexus/Sheamus/Matthews segment a 3 out of 5



When we come back again we are joined by John Cena on the Titantron.....hey WWE where are the matches at? anyway Cena ends his interview through titantron by saying if you can' beat em.... and we are off to another commercial. I understand pushing the Nexus angle but a Titantron interview.....2 out of 5



Finally another match.. Eve Torres vs Maryse with the winner becoming #1 contender to the Divas Title....Although the match was short, booking these two is an awesome idea and it had some intrigue going into it if you pay attention to the Divas. So I give the booking of this match a 4 out of 5

Post match Ted DiBiase storms into the ring and yells at the referee for not noticing Maryse's foot on the ropes. John Morrison runs out in street clothes(good to see him) and delivers imo a nearly botched StarShip Pain. Good way to remind us of this mid-card feud by giving Morrison camera time after a very short Diva match. But I give that segment a 3 out of 5

Next up is our current WWE Champion Sheamus coming out and bragging of his dominance over John Cena. Again another Nexus mention comes about when he mentions that him and Wade Barrett agreed to stay out of his way. Miz interrupts and the entertainment value of this promo/segment goes up as The Miz is Mr Money In The Bank, all the while Sheamus says The Miz is nothing and he is the WWE Champion and promptly leaves the ring. As he is leaving the GM sends an email saying Sheamus will be in action. Good segment, intrigue added by Mr. Money in the Bank making an appearance making us think he would cash in...... 4 out of 5

Sheamus is immediately put into action against Evan Bourne. It's always good to see Evan Bourne's high flying antics in action so I wasn't complaining. Obviously a filler match was saved by good booking as the WWE Champion kicked Bourne in the ribs out of the refs view and the hits him with the Brouge Kick to finish the match. 4 out of 5.

A nicely booked match was followed by an even more entertaining post-match segment. The Miz is sarcastically clapping for Sheamus as he gets into the ring. The Miz whacks Sheamus with the MITB breifcase while he wasn't looking. As he was waiting for Sheamus to get up(and i'm thinking he's gonna cash in) R-Truth returns and chases The Miz off. Only a 5 out of 5 because of The Miz's possible cash in and the return of a superstar that I thought would be out longer??

The Miz is now back stage flipping out over R-Truth costing him a shot at cashing in his MITB oppurtunity. 3 out of 5

Next Sheamus is walking backstage with ice on his head and he runs into "The Viper" Randy Orton. Orton tells him that its too bad what happened and that Sheamus is a target now, and that he won't hit with an arrow but with an R.....K......O......... 4 out of 5

Next is Santino and Koslov vs William Regal and Zack Ryder, I can see that the WWE is trying to put over the tag team of Santino and Koslove right now. Although they could be battling any other team, I like the fact that Zack Ryder was booked in this match because you don't see him too much on RAW these days. The booking of this match gets a 3 out of 5.

Next is Wade Barrett vs Mark Henry now this is not main event material so excellent booking to put it at the point of the show where there could be room for a final segment heavily involving the Nexus angle. Henry gets distracted by Nexus who is standing on the stage before the entrance ramp(good play on Henry being distracted because of a possible attack) and Barrett(barely) hits The Wasteland and pins Henry for the victory....I like the placement of this match being that it wouldn't have been possible for Cena's summit with Nexus to occur before it..... 4 out of 5

Barrett continues to attack Henry as the rest of Nexus makes their way to the ring. Barrett calls out Cena. Tarver gets on the mic and say they have made one truce already and Nexus gives their word that they will listen to what Cena has to say. Cena comes out and thanks them for meeting with him and offers a truce as Sheamus did earlier. Barrett answers no and proposes something bigger....and that is that Cena joins Nexus. Cena declines and Barrett tells him he can either leave a coward or get into the ring and take the most vicious beating he can imagine. Cena leaves the ring and states that he has help now as Edge, John Morrison, R-Truth, The Great Khali, and Chris Jericho make their way out and Cena say's there's one more to go and it's BRET HART and they all make their way to the ring as Nexus bails out. Nexus gets high up into the stands as Cena and his team yell at Nexus from the ring. Excellent segment to end a nicely booked show as no matter what most of the faces and Edge and Jericho were through out the show heavily pusing the Nexus angle....hell I thought Cena would join Nexus....5 out of 5

See you guys in a few days for my review of the booking and segments for TNA Impact......

Review: WWE Money in the Bank PPV, 18th July

The WWE has decided that all of its non-‘big four’ PPVs should now be named after lame gimmicks, it would seem. We’ve had TLC, Elimination Chamber, Extreme Rules, Fatal Four Way and now we have Money in the Bank.

The Money in the Bank gimmick came in to WWE in about 2005 (I’m sure someone will correct me on this), and has done no end of damage to the integrity of the championship titles. Indeed, not only did the WWE decide to have two championship belts, they also decided that any mid-carder who needs a quick push can win the Money in the Bank match at Wrestlemania. What has made the Money in the Bank gimmick so interesting in the past, however, is that it brings together the wrestlers from Raw and Smackdown, and allows the winner to cash in on either brand (as Jack Swagger did with his move over to Smackdown). With two (yes two) MiB matches (one for each brand) the value of the gimmick and the value of the belts has been further diluted.

At the beginning of MiB, we were shown one of the most dangerous things in professional wrestling. No, I’m not talking about Hell in a Cell or the Elimination Chamber, and I’m not talking about barbed wire ropes or exploding turn buckles: I’m referring, of course, to the Spanish announce table. I think I’ve said before that WWE has lost any sense of subtlety in its storytelling and in its matches, if I haven’t, I’ve certainly thought it. It’s almost as if WWE management went: “Right, we need to do a spot where someone goes through the Spanish announce table,” the board members look on blankly, another one chirps up: “I’m not sure our demographic know what a Spanish announce table is, and I’m not sure they could picture such a thing.” And so they show, for those fans who can’t picture what an announce table looks like with people commentating in Spanish rather than English.

First up was the Smackdown MiB match. We had Dolph Ziggler, Christian, Cody Rhodes, Kofi Kingston, Kane, The Big Show, Matt Hardy and Drew McIntyre in what was actually a well-booked match... until the end that is. Unlike most recent WWE PPVs, the crowd were really into this one, and the crowd were hot for this match in particular. The match started with most of the guys beating on Show, even though when he tried to climb a ladder it broke. Christian and Hardy did some great stuff on top the ladders, reminiscent of some of their matches back in their tag team days. Kofi did a really cool Leg Drop from the top of ladder, onto Drew McIntyre who was spread out on... the Spanish announce table, woo! With Show unable to climb a regular ladder, he went under the ring to pull out a big ladder made of ‘reinforced steel’ – this thing looked heavy, this thing looked so heavy in fact that Show could hardly lift it into the ring, if you missed it I’m sure it will be on the next Botchamania. Indeed, the Big Show’s frustration was clearly evidenced when the words ‘fuck me’ left his lips. Naughty Big Show, that’s not very PG now, is it? Then came what was probably the highlight of the match for me, Show got thrown out of the ring and the rest of the wrestlers came over and buried him in a pile of ladders. I’m not sure if it was meant to be funny, but I was pissing myself. It reminded me of that ECW thing were the crowd were throwing the chairs. Awesome. Then came the ending... Kane won. Fucking Kane. Easily the worst guy possible to win this won. What the fuck?

Next up was the Divas. Don’t care. Enough time to put the kettle on.

The next match was the Hart Dynasty versus the Uzos for the tag titles. To be honest, I’m not sold on either team in this one and really didn’t care what the result was, it seemed the crowd agreed with this sentiment. The match ended with Davey Hart Smith doing the Sharpshooter (why not a Bulldog?) for the win. Pretty dull match, but luckily it was only 6 minutes long.

Next up was Rey Mysterio versus Kurt Angle for the World Heavyweight Title. Hang on, Kurt Angle? Lets work this out carefully: Amateur style ring attire? Check. Ankle Lock? Check. All-American gimmick? Check. That sounds like Kurt Angle to me! But wait, it’s Jack Swagger, not Kurt Angle... my mistake. Anyway, this match was pretty decent. Rey was selling an injured ankle throughout the match, which made him change his style. There were some pretty cool spots in the one like Rey getting Swagger with the Lou Thez Press of the top rope and Rey countering a superplex into a DDT for a near fall. The match culminated in Angle, sorry, Swagger getting Mysterio into an Ankle Lock. After squirming for a few moments, Rey shimmied out of his boot and took Swagger down with a Hurricianrama for the pin. This was not the end for Swagger though, he went back to work on Rey’s ankle, and Kane ran in for the save and chased Swagger to the locker-room. With Mysterio still reeling in the ring, who should return the ring but Kane, MiB briefcase in hand and cashed it in. Kane quickly worked on Rey’s ankle, put him in a Tombstone and got the pin. For fuck’s sake. That’s right, Kane, yes Kane, is now the World Heavyweight Champion. I predict, hmm, Undertaker getting the title, hmm, at Summerslam, hmm, 12 year old feud gets reignited, hmm, fans don’t care. I would care if they brought back Paul Bearer to fuck around with the Undertakers head a bit though. So let’s get this straight: rather than using this opportunity to get a young guy over, they use it to reignite a feud which has been done, four, maybe five times before, which doesn’t even need a title to establish a match... for fuck’s sake.

Another Divas match, but this time I made the mistake of watching it. Oh dear, this was bad. This was Rob Terry doing Lucha Libre bad. This was Warrior verus Hercules bad. Kelly Kelly versus Layla could go down in history as the worst thing to ever appear on a PPV. Now don’t get me wrong, Layla is hot, but God damn it, this is a wrestling show. If I wanted to watch hot girls wrestle I’d... anyway...

Next up was the Raw MiB match with Randy Orton, Miz, Mark Henry, John Morrison, Jericho, Ted Dibiase, Edge and Evan Bourne. This was actually an excellent match, and the ending was so much better than the Smackdown MiB match. There were some really good spots during this match, probably too many to go into. There was one where two guys were each on a ladder and Mark Henry came in between them and sent them flying. The commentator said something dumb along the lines of “It’s Hercules parting the Red Sea!” Because Hercules and Moses are the same, you fucking moron. Everyone seemed to get in their signature moves and Morrison did some great acrobatics between ladders before getting socked by the Miz and Edge. The worst bit of the match came when DiBiase’s lady Virgil, Maryse came in to try and grab the case for DiBiase. Morrison then fireman’s lifted her away. The ending came with a battle on the ladder between Orton and Miz with Miz unhooking the case and giving a pretty decent promo afterwards. I really wanted Miz to win this, the MiB suits an up and coming heel, but I want Miz to be the first person to cash in his case and not get the belt.

Finally, the main event was Cena versus Seamus in a cage match for the WWE title. This match had some really dumb moments. There was one where Seamus put Cena into a Sleeper Hold, with his last few breaths, Cena started Hulking up, brother. With the Sleeper Hold still tightly in place, Cena started to climb out of the cage with Seamus on his back. For fuck’s sake. Like a lot of cage matches, this one also had a number of opportunities when either competitor could get a clean win and simply escape the cage, but would rather do some spots instead. For fuck’s sake. The match went on, both did their finishers and then the NXTWo came in, bolt cutters in hand, no doubt to break into the cage and mess up the match. A little old referee came over to try and stop them and snatched the bolt cutters and made a hasty exit. Remember that this group had beaten up most of the roster, had beaten up management and had beat up legends, but it was a little referee who got the better of them. For fuck’s sake. The NXTWo then demanded that a referee gave them the key to the cage. Obviously having watched the Angle versus Anderson cage match on TNA, the ref threw the key into the crowd, and again a little ref got the better of the NXTWo. The climax to the match came when the ref in the ring got bumped and Cena got Seamus to tap out to the STF. With the ref out, Cena attempted to climb out, but Justin Gabriel of the NXTWo climbed the outside and started fighting with Cena. Meanwhile, that sneaky Irish heel managed to climb out and get the win. Seamus then legged it into the crowd.

Overall, this was a pretty good PPV. Both of the MiB matches were very good, the Swagger versus Mysterio match was also pretty decent, the Divas match I saw was bad as they come, and the main event was also pretty good. This is probably the best PPV WWE have put on this year.

Ratings:

Smackdown MiB:
***1/2

Harts versus Uzos
*

Mysterio versus Swagger
***

Kelly Kelly versus Layla
Minus *****

Raw MiB
****

Cena versus Seamus
***

PPV Rating:
***1/2

Review: WWE Raw, 3rd May

I'll admit it, I'm niave. I thought for some strange reason that the draft would shake up Raw and make into a great product. Instead, it was predictable and boring.

The night opened with number one contender Batista coming out to talk to the crowd about being number one contender (again), he talked some more, and some more. Sheamus came out and they talked... and talked some more.

It was announced that Batista would fight the Miz and Cena would fight Jericho in a time limit match. The one who pinned their opponent in the fastest time got to pick the stipulation of the championship match at the next PPV.

After what seemed like an eternity, the Miz came out to have his match with Batista, but instead of the Miz he decided to put in "rookie" Brian Danielson. Then Batista talked about more. Batista's boring enough as it is, without having to put up with 15 minutes of him talking shit (no kidding, and this is without adverts). I think Danielson is a great wrestler and although he jobbed for Batista he put on a decent match which was ruined to some extent by bad announcing, talking about him as he'd only been wrestling a few months. Batista then did a whole bunch of Batista Bombs on Danielson for some reason. 25 minutes in, 5 minutes of match time.

 

There was a backstage slot with Edge talking about how the WWE won't show any of his old promos or matches because he's Rated R and Raw is rated PG. He returned later in the night with the Cutting Edge which he promised would be controversial and rated R... it was neither.

Next we had a match between John Morrison and Ted Diabose coming in off the back of Diabose offering R Truth a job as the new Virgil. The match was a predictable set-up for Morrison as a face. The match ended within about a minute with Dibiose being counted out. Morrison took the mic and invited Dibiose back to the ring explaining that he didn't want his Raw debut to end like that and said that if he lost he would be the new Virgil. I think Dibiase should have walked back to the locker room at this point, making Morrison look like a prick. But as Morrison is blatently being pushed as the next Shawn Michaels, Dibiase gets back in the ring. The match was fantastic, easily on the level of a Kurt Angle main event; a match full of drama with both athletes pushing their bodies to the limit. The match ended with Morrison tapping out to a Million Dollar Dream and Morrison conceded defeat and agreed to become the new Virgil... oh wait, that didn't happen. Morrison predictably won in a mediocre 4 minute match. 40 minutes in, total 10 minutes of match time.

Next up we have Cena versus Jericho. Jericho wouldn't do the same thing as the Miz and bring his rookie Wade Bennett out for the match instead would he? Oh, he would... for fuck's sake. Again, after some dull mic work, Wade jobs for Cena with a tap-out in 4 minutes. 50 minutes in, total 14 minutes of match time. The Sheamus comes in a hits Cena; God this guys really starting to piss me off fella.

Then there was a match between Jack Rider and Mark Henry, does anyone really care about this one. Bad match with two awful wrestlers. 3 minutes wasted. 1 hours 3 minutes in, 17 minutes of match time.

Cut to a promo with the Miz and Jericho becoming a tag team and sitting on a tag match between the Hart Dynasty and that Russian jobber and William Regal. In an upset... there was no upset, Hart Dynasty won in under 4 minutes. With the Miz and Jericho on the announce table for the this, I was suprised at the end of the match when they confirmed their intention to form a tag team, and the beat on the Hart Dynasty. 1 hour 13 minutes in, 21 minutes of match time.



I figured that with the Miz and Jericho teaming up they should pick a name which is a combination of both of their names. I think Jiz is the only name that works.

So the finale of the night, the rated R, controversial talk show with Edge. It was a tame cheap pop mic spot with the guest host (can't remember his name, don't care) and then a bit with Randy Orton. Edge suggested reforming Rated RKO. Orton just stood there. Edge started calling Orton naughty names (but not that naughty). Orton just stood there, Edge went for a spear and Orton did an RKO. Randy Orton? Randy Boreton, more like. This was another dull 15 minute segment which didn't really go anywhere.

WWE Raw: 21 minutes of match time. This is wrestling?

WWE Draft 2010

On the heels of Extreme Rules we have the annual WWE Draft, where everything hets shaken up and the WWE landscape changes... well, kind of...
The night began with Bret Hart coming out and declaring that Show Miz are the greatest tag team of all time, he then declare that the Mountie was the greatest IC champion and the David Arquette was the greatest world champion, so you can see, he wasn't exactly serious. The match between Hart Dynasty and Show Miz saw the Dynasty beat Show Miz to earn the titles and saw the Big Show and Miz turn on each other... but with Big Show getting drafted, the inevitable feud has been overted.

Apart from the draft, the only other major thing to happen was a number one contenders match for the WWE title was won by Batista because of interference by Edge. So the boring storyline, which should have ended at Extreme Rules, is now being rehashed. FFS.
Anyway, the draft results:

Kelly kelly > Smackdown
Big Show > Smackdown
John Morrison Raw
R Truth > Raw
Edge > Raw
Kofi Kingston > Smackdown
Christian > Smackdown
Jericho > Raw

Predictions: Edge will turn heel and dominate Raw. Jericho will team up with the Miz, probably have a match with Big Show at next PPV. Punk will run out of people to have feuds with. Big Show will turn face and become a bad comedy character again. Undertaker will only appear at PPVs. John Morrison will get a big push. Orton will stand there and not say anything. Matt Striker will continue to suck as an announcer.

In summary, WWE really missed a great opportunity to shake things up. Moving Punk over to Raw and Orton over to Smackdown would have been a good move, also switching Edge and Christian was short sighted, would have been great to see them tag/feud.

WWE Extreme Rules 2010

With irs somewhat misleading title, Extreme Rules was anything but extreme. Maybe its because i've been watching Mick Foley's Greatest Hits and Misses, but watching Extreme Rules reminded me how tame WWE has got over the past few years.
The event opened with what was meant to be Sheamus versus Triple H in a street fight. Triple H was attacked from behind on the way to the ring, then an injured Triple H was sent to the trainers office to receive medical attention. Initially I thought that WWE didn't really have time/want to do the match, but when you have an announcer talking about the grave condition of the wrestler, you know that against all odds, the match will happen later on... and it did, and it sucked. Triple H storming out of the medical ofice was about as unexpected as R-Truth asking the crowd 'Wassup?'. The match was flat and Sheamus won.
So with the match between Sheamus and Triple H being postponed, Show Miz entered to cut a promo about being the greatest tag-team. Teddy Long came out put them in a gauntlet match against three other tag teams for a title shot. By this point we were over 10 minutes into the PPV and still hadn't seen any in-ring wrestling. It felt more like an expisode of Smackdown than a PPV, poor show.
So first we have R Truth and John Morrison. I really can't stand either of these two, so I was glad to see them get their asses kicked (although they did lose due to a DQ rather than a pin). R Truth annoys me for a number of reasons, apart from being a recycled Booker T, his rap is just rubbish and he always gets a cheap pop of the crowd. I know I've already mentioned Mick Foley, but remember when he was the commissioner on Raw and he always used to get a cheap pop by mentioning the place name and sticking his thumb up, knowing full well that it was an ironic cheap pop. R Truth does the same thing, but doesn't get the joke. John Morrison is just a pretty boy pouty prick, he's not bad in the ring, but he's not great. He looks like Val Kilmer when he played Jim Morrison and dresses like a bad Ric Flair parody.
Next up was the most boring fat fuck of a wrestler Mark Henry accompanied by MVP. I seem to remember that MVP was pretty good a few years ago, but Mark Henry has never been good, he's fet and he shouldn't wear that tight disgusting leotard. They were quickly beaten.
Next we have the Hart Dynasty. I always think it's a bit sad when you see the kids of wrestlers becoming wrestlers; it's like they've allowed a choice that their father/grandfather made before they were born to determine the path of their own lives. This being said, they're pretty good in the ring and they are obviously set to be the next tag team champions (something was probably written into Bret Hart's contract to give them a push). They obviously won. The one thing that disturbs me about the Hart Dynasty is Reinhart's daughter. She looks like she has been transported from the late 80s with her big hair and camel toe leggings. There's being nostalgic and just being dated.
Throughout the three matches, the commentary was really stilted and arkward. I remember when Jerry Lawler was a great commentator, what happened with that?
Next we had the Punk/Mysterio hair cut match. Again this match was nothing special. Punk was set up for a few 619s, most of which didn't connect - like all of their other matches. The only interesting part of the match was when a hooded figure appeared from beneath the ring to take out Mysterio. Contrary to the laws of logic and physics, CM Punk actually won the match, which actually suprised me. Punk's the best heel that WWE has had for a long time, and when he say smuggly in the barber shop chair at the the end of the match, that was pretty cool.
The next match was Swagger versus Orton. This match was, on the whole, pretty entertaining. Although Orton ruined a Shakira video for me, he's got great ring psychology (there's bit in the She Wolf video where Shakira does that weird shoulder thing that Orton does, didn't really want to be reminded of that while enjoying Shakira).
For a no DQ match, most of the match was pretty standard in-ring grappling. The highlight was when Orton stomped on Swagger's head; it almost looked like he really him as well! Orton then sets up a chair in the ring to RKO Swagger though it, Swagger counters and Powerbombs Orton to win. I was hoping the Orton would win because he's feuded with pretty much everyone on Raw, would have been good to see him move to Smackdown.
The main event was for the WWE Championship, a Last Man Standing match between Cena and Batista. The match, again, wasn't great, but did have some pretty good moments: Cena using the Attitude Adjustment to put Batista through the announce table; Batista using a Spine Buster on Cena to put him through a table; Batista trying to tap out of the STF and then passing out... only to get up at 9. The highlight was at the end of the match when Cena taped Batistas legs around a ring post so he couldn't get up. This was an innovative and smart way to end the match and was the high point of a pretty mediocre PPV without any real upsets or title changes (think the Divas title might have changed, but I was making some food when the match was on).

WWE comes to the UK...

Last weekend, I went to see Smackdown in Manchester, and on the whole it was pretty good. There were some great matches and more importantly some great chants.
When Zigler came to the ring, all I heard around me was "He's Jeff Jarrett", when Kane came to the ring there were chants of "Issac Yankem" clap clap clap clap clap and "He's a dentist." When Fat Hardy and Drew MacIntire were pissing about the crowd were chanting "we want wrestling", and when WWE's own MCMG clones 'the Dude Busters' came out, we got the most British of chants, straight from the football terraces of "who are ye? who are ye?" - not because we Brits didn't know who they were, but because they are shit. I think my favourite of the night was the chant of "enter-tain-ment" clap clap clap clap clap... you know it works.
So that was my live experience. It was pretty cool, the crowd was a bit flat, but on the whole pretty decent. I took my kid brother for his 11th birthday and he got to meet the Honey Monster. I was hoping to see HM in a hardcore match, but I'm a dreamer, man.
The highlight of the night was the triple threat match between Edge, Jericho and Swagger. Of course, a title changing hands was less likely than Ric Flair being tolerant to homosexuals, but it was worth it to see Bret Hart as enforcer putting Swagger into the victorious Swagger at the end of the match. (Like in Smackdown, Swagger had got a pin on Jericho from Edge's spear).
On to the broadcasts...
Lets's be honest, guest hosts on Raw are a bag of shit. A bunch of C list celebs who are only vaguely famous in America plugging their bullshit while we're waiting for the wrestling. This week was no exception. Contrary to what the commentators on Raw would have you believe, David Hasselhoff is not seen as a god in the UK (they're thinking of Germany), people see him as a joke. A bit of a sad parody of a famous person, the type of guy who student's though was cool about ten years ago. His recent hit only charted in the UK because of people ironically buying his record because Radio One's fattest DJ, Chris Moyles thought that it would be heeelarious (and it really was).
I'm not the biggest fan of women's wrestling, but I thought that the Baywatch Babe match was just a little bit insulting. Who was it aimed at? Baywatch hasn't been on the TV for about 15 years and most of its fans aren't teenage boys anymore, but in their 30s with kids and dogs and patios and pension schemes and are so desensitized to the excesses of internet porn that a few women jumping round in swimsuits just don't do it for them any more... unless they're farting on a Brazilian girl or something.
The fact is that the whole show was bullshit, especially the thinly veiled excuse to bring Orton over Smackdown (he's wrestled everyone on the Raw roster at least 3-4 times), by offering a shot at the World Championship against Swagger at Extreme Rules.
The highlight of the show was Miz's microphone wrestling against Bret Gart, that was funny as fuck.
Onto Smackdown...
at the minute, I think I prefer Smackdown to Raw, mainly because of CM Punk's microphone wrestling. I've marked for Punk for a few years now and can't wait to see him get back in the ring with Brian Danielson or Daniel Bryanson, whatever he's called now. Bring in McGuiness (AKA Desmond Wolfe) and Samoa Joe from TNA and you've got an ROH circa 2005 reunion - and it would piss over most of the WWE roster at the moment.
I'm not going to go into details about the matches on this one, but draw attention to one of the funniest moments I've seen on WWE for a few years, and completely unintentionally.
There was a point where the Miz came down to commentate on the six-man tag match between Hart Dynasty/Ray Mysterio and SxE. The result's was so obvious; it is actually a scientific and logical impossibility for Rey Mysterio to lose in a match with CM Punk. So, the Miz is sat at the announcer's table bragging about his Blue Peter badge. If you believe the Miz, then he was given it by "the UK" and it's like a "key to the city". Any UK fans will know the Blue Peter is the program of choice for little middle class kids who are into making stuff with "sticky-back plastic' and toilet roll tubes.
I'll let you judge by the clip. Just a side note, my missus went to school with Helen Skelton.



Bring on Lockdown and Extreme Rules!