ROH TV - 4th February - KEVIN STEEN returns!

Show opened with clips from the TV Title match between Lethal, Generico and Bennett from Final Battle 2011. I didn’t see this one because I’ve had problems with IPPVs before and though better of it.

Kelly and McGuinness introduced the show from Baltimore. Every time I here Baltimore it makes me think of the Wire, which in turn makes me think of the Urban Wrestling Federation (yes, I know it’s based in Philly, but that’s how my mind works). They hype up the TV title match between Bennett and Lethal. Bennett did a promo saying how he was going to be the next champ, and how the audience could be proud to have him as a TV champ. Mike Bennett’s not the best worker in the world, his talents pales in comparison to the likes of Edwards and Lethal, but I think he makes a great heel and he’s got a great gimmick.


The first match saw Lethal beat Bennett by pin-fall with a crucifix to retain the title. This was a good TV match, good pace, commentary told a great story and Lethal looked like a star.


Next up was an interview with Eddie Edwards. I really like Edwards, in-ring this guy is easily one of the best workers outside of Japan. I can imagine that if he was to go to TNA or WWE he’d just bob around the lower-mid card for a few months before getting dropped. I’m just not convinced by him in interviews, and I think if he went to another promotion, this would be bad for his drawing power.

Tonight’s ROH is, however, the TV return of Kevin Steen. Unlike WWE or TNA where a firing angle will be resolved within a month (or not even a week if you’re John Cena), ROH had Steen away from the promotion for a year. In the big picture, it takes a little away from the ‘loser leaves town stip’, but at least they followed it through for a good while and had a build up to Steen’s potential return.

Steen came down to the ring and Kevin Kelly noted that Steen had been re-instated but at what cost. They really put over that Steen was a dangerous guy to be near, this was awesome. Steen responded by asking why ROH would keep down their best wrestler for a year. He said it was because he wouldn’t suck up to Cornette – this was a great promo. They seem to be hinting at doing what could have been the CM Punk holding the WWE title hostage angle, but they’ll probably have the guts to do it right. Cornette came out and laid into him. I love Cornette, not sure about him as a babyface GM, but the heel GM thing has been done to death. Steen ended by saying he was going to kick Richards’ ass, become the new champion and be the bane of Cornette’s life. Great stuff.

Next match was for the tag titles: Haas and Benjamin versus the Young Bucks. They had a decent TV match, but it felt a bit stilted a points. Bucks won via DQ, when Benjamin used a steel chair.

I quite like the way the Bucks have evolved lately. They are still doing their crazy high-spots, but they make sense in the matches now rather than just being some nice acrobatics with no real context.

That Clown from Outta Town - August 5th iMPACT

Another week, another iMPACT.

I'm looking forward to the MCMG v Beer Money match. Kinda curious about the Jay Lethal v Ric Flair street fight too. Let's hope they actually start with wrestling today. Also, announcing the matches for Hardcore Justice would be nice.

2:49 - Dreamer's on his way to the ring...but dressed to chat, not wrestle. Please don't cry again, Tommy.
6:14 - Best Raven promo ever.
7:19 - FOLEY FOLEY FOLEY
7:44 - Special ref? He's not going to wrestle :'(
9:21 - Knockouts, fast forwarding
10:58 - Oh wait, Hamada...watching.
15:46 - Ref bump...ffs TNA stop with the ref bumps
16:24 - Not the greatest match - Lacey is improving, but she's still too green for TV. Still, new champs so we'll be seeing more of Hamada - the best Knockout.
17:17 - AJ v Rob Terry again - after Rob destroyed Kaz last week in under 30 seconds, we might be seeing two championship changes in as many matches...
18:13 - And as soon as I hear AJ's music, anything seems possible. I love that tune. I was Audiosurf world champion for AJ's theme tune - true story. AJ to retain.
22:42 - AJ got battered, but pulled it out in the end. I love that 450 splash.
24:35 - Angle v AJ - Can't fucking wait
26:02 - Woop woop, Ultimate X coming up :D
27:35 - FFS, TNA - you say Ultimate X is up next, then cut to the Beautiful People scrapping backstage...NOBODY CARES
27:44 - "Trust my ass"...great promo, Velvet.
28:13 - IT'S TIME
32:26 - Bell finally rings...
39:57 - 2nd best huricarana ever.
41:36 - Sliced Bread on the apron...fucking hell
42:26 - Awesome, awesome match. TNA can really pull it out when they want to.
43:00 - What better way to follow that great match than a Bischoff promo? FFS
45:20 - Wow, Hogan looks tired
46:05 - Oh FFS, Bischoff is special ref in the Janice on a pole match
46:41 - Looks like Hard justice is just going to be the special iMPACT next week...so I'm guessing no TNA matches whatsoever at Hardcore Justice :D
51:30 - Sting and Nash kicking ass...finally, the one guy who was kicking the shit out of Bischoff on a regular basis is back :D
53:52 - Pope v Jordan...this could be good.
55:53 - What the fuck.
62:38 - Streetfight time :)
64:24 - It's weird how the Angle angle has gone from Angle saying 'If I lose, it may be my last match' to 'If Angle loses, he MUST RETIRE'...
70:56 - Ridiculous match - it ended up with Flair wearing one sock, one shoe and pants...nothing else. He even got his arse out. FFS. Aside from that, not a bad match though.
73:24 - RVD v Jerry Lynn is the Hardcore Justice main event :D
76:33 - So...you've got RVD, Tommy Dreamer, Raven and Abyss in one match...and they don't book it as a hardcore match. FFS TNA.
81:36 - FUCK YEAH SANDMAN

Awesome iMPACT, main event was a bit shit but apart for that great. MCMG v Beer Money was the highlight, for the 4th week running. Can't wait for PPV.

They only announced 2 matches for Hardcore Justice, I think most of the people showing up are going to be a surprise...I'd love to see Tajiri v Super Crazy, but that's probably the least likely match possible. This is going to be awesome.

Review: TNA Victory Road PPV

The build-up to most of the matches on the Victory Road card was pretty decent, almost all of the matches, apart from the AJ/Kaz versus mystery tag-team made sense, but something about the storytelling has meant that the only matches I give a shit about is the Guns versus Beer Money and Kendrick versus Williams.

In the first match we had Doug Williams defending his X-Division title against Brian Kendrick. The match was set to win by submission or Ultimate X. This stipulation is typical of TNA, but made for a pretty interesting match. The storyline for the match was essentially that Doug Williams had to conquer his fear of heights to get the belt from the Ultimate X. The match built up really well, with the beginning of the match featuring a lot of submission moves, it then built up to some higher-risk moves, culminating in scramble up the Ultimate X. I’m not sure whether it was an angle, but it seemed that Kendrick hurt himself pretty badly in this one. During the match Kendrick landed badly outside of the ring and it seemed like Williams was buying him some time to recover. At the climax of the match, both competitors fell down from the Ultimate X, and looking at the footage, it looked like Kendrick landed on his head and was knocked out. Williams put him in a chokehold from behind and got the submission. On the whole, this was a great match, given the time it deserved to develop, but the ending felt rushed, and rightly so if Kendrick had been hurt.

Next up was a brilliant promo by Bubba Ray. He was intense and angry. I loved the bit where he said to Christie: “Jesse’s a failure, just like your edition of Playboy”, he then goes on to berate Christie, asking her if she’s going to cry. And for a moment, it looked like she was going to. Hilarious. This promo led into the match between Ray, Devon and Jesse. This may win the award for the stupidest start to a match in TNA history: Ray enters. Ray hides. Jesse enters. Jesse doesn’t notice that nobody is in the ring. Jesse gets jumped from behind. Devon’s music plays. Devon doesn’t enter. The camera cuts to show a plank of wood nailed across Devon’s dressing room. Who was the culprit, I hear you cry? Well it makes no sense for it to be Ray, because he made the match. It makes no sense for it to be Jesse, because Devon has been standing up for Jesse. The only person it could be is Shannon Moore. And lo! He enters. And lo! He goes. Devon manages to break the piece of wood. Devon enters the ring. Devon went after Ray. Ray got the pin on Devon. Shit shit shit match, angle, everything. Maybe with Batista leaving WWE, TNA want to bring him in so Devon can be a preacher again? I fucking hope not. Don’t split up the Dudleys, they are worth more than their sum of parts.

Next up was the Knockouts title between Madison Rayne Angelina Love. This was a career match for Angelina with the stipulation that she would automatically get the title if there was outside interference by any other members of the Beautiful People. What a stupid angle. Of course, that wasn’t where the stupidity ended. Firstly, Madison Rayne’s ring attire was some flesh-coloured underwear. And Secondly, a woman, dressed all in black leather and black helmet rode her motorbike to the ring and interfered with the match. Now, I’m pretty sure that the mysterious woman was not one of the BP, and I’m basing this purely on the fact that she didn’t have big enough tits. With the interference, Rayne was disqualified and the title handed to Angelina. With the woman on the bike not being one of the BP, I’m sure this will create some situation next Impact where Rayne comes out and says that it wasn’t one of the BP, but rather someone else (Tara? Alyssa Flash? Maybe?) Thus, she did not break the rules and gets her title back. Rayne hopped on the back of the bike and the mysterious stranger drove away... It’s good to know that a mysterious stranger can get into a live wrestling pay-per-view and drive a motorbike to the ring.

After the thrill and excitement, we cut to a promo with Mr Anderson, who was trying to illustrate a point with a butt-cheek analogy. He wanted Christie to help out, but she was a spoilsport and said no. I’m sure that with the dress she was wearing that this analogy would have looked particularly good. But what can you do?

Next up we had Kaz and AJ versus a mystery tag team. If I was doing a Clown type of review I’m sure it would go something like this:
44:27 - I’ve got a bad feeling about this...
44.40 - Please be Gen Me
45:38 – FFS Rob Terry? SERIOUSLY, WHAT THE FUCK?
46:09 - Why is AJ afraid of Rob Terry?
46:19 - FUCK YEAH. JOE JOE JOE JOE.
This was pretty much my reaction to the start of this match. Talk about a fucking mismatch. You’ve got Joe, who is probably one of the best workers in the company teamed up with Terry, who is probably one of the worst. The match was basically about how Kaz and AJ resolved their differences. Luckily, Joe did most of the work for him and Terry, with Terry coming in to do a few power moves and then going back to the ropes. Joe was brutal throughout. Once AJ and Kaz started working together, Terry came in and threw them around a bit and they both sold like crazy. We then had a run-in by Wolfe who helped AJ and Kaz to get the pin on Terry. What came next was the best bit of the match in my humble opinion. As Wolfe was celebrating with AJ and Kaz, Joe came into the ring and put Wolfe into the Muscle Buster. PLEASE BE THE START OF AN AWESOME FEUD.

Next up was Hernandez versus Matt Morgan in a steel cage match. What I liked about this was that it wasn’t a steel cage match with a stupid stipulation (falls count anywhere cage match at Lockdown anyone?) No laws of wrestling logic were circumvented. It was a simple get out of the cage by the door or climb over the top. The in-ring stuff wasn’t bad, but I had no emotional attachment whatsoever to this match. I really didn’t give a shit which one won. It was a feud which wasn’t really a feud. The breakup of their tag team was done poorly and the rest of their battle limped along like some fat goose with smashed up feet. The match itself wasn’t too bad. It did seem throughout that they were saying “Look! We do blood!” Morgan bled quite early, then showed Hernandez’s blood to the camera on his hands. A few times during this match Hernandez botched up a Border Toss, probably because Morgan is one tall fucker. We then had Hernandez climb to the top of cage and rather than dropping to the other side of a win did a splash from the top, which missed. Then, in a bit which makes absolutely no sense, Morgan cuffs Hernandez to the ring ropes next to the door. Instead of going through the door, Morgan attempts to climb out of the cage. Hernandez was handcuffed, what the fuck could he really do. Whilst Morgan was perched atop of the cage, Hernandez Hulked up, brother, and speared himself out of the cage for the win. Yawn.

Next we cut to a promo with Ric Flair (wooooo!) who was giving his usual crazy-ass promo to Christie, but he came out with the line that Lethal will be so beat up afterwards that he will need breastfeeding from his mother to get over it. Ric Flair, you’re a genius. So the match started and it seems that Lethal is now the Hulk Hogan by proxy that Abyss was, coming out to generic rock music dressed in red and yellow. Hey, maybe TNA could do a storyline where Hogan gives Jay Lethal his Hall of Fame ring to give him magical powers? Anyway, this match wasn’t great, but it was much better than I thought. Flair went for 12 minutes, he didn’t look like shit and he didn’t look embarrassed. If that wasn’t amazing enough, Flair went the whole match without bleeding everywhere. The match was pretty much a tribute to Flair with him and Lethal trading chops, getting in a few back body-drops and each getting in a Figure-Four, with Jay’s getting the win. There was even a spot where Lethal pulled Flair’s trunks down at the back and we got to see Flair’s pruney butt cheeks. They show his ass, but Christie won’t indulge Anderson? This is a harsh world we live in, people. There were some great moments of antagonism between Flair and Earl Hebner. This match had an old skool feel to it, probably because there was an old man in the ring, but also struck me as pretty pointless. Ric Flair has absolutely nothing to prove, and Lethal beat up an old man. Good work.

Next up was a promo with what looked like a Pixar fish, or maybe an Avatar; it was actually Jeff Hardy. He spouted some bullshit and I can’t remember what he was going on about, but he did like a fish and that’s what’s important, right? We cut to Beer Money versus Motor City Machine Guns for the tag belts. TNA gave this match just the right amount of time (about 17 minutes) for what was my favourite match of the night. Both teams worked really well together, there was a great mix of styles and moves, and there were some great double-team moves. As with most great TNA matches, it wouldn’t be complete without a retarded moment. James Storm tried to spit beer into one of the Guns’ faces only for his plan to backfire and blind the ref. With Brian Hebner distracted, Earl decided to take charge and run in to take over refereeing. As Brian’s condition improved rather than Earl take a step back or shoo Brian away there was a double pin fall with Brian and Earl counting at exactly the same time. But who should win? It’s a title match damn it! Oh, the controversy! So with the hullabaloo still ringing in its ears, Earl, as senior official, restarts the match, which lasts for about another minute. Shelley got the pin on Roode and the Guns, yes, the Guns, are now the TNA tag team champions. If this match proves anything it is how awesome tag team wrestling can be.

Next up was Kurt Angle versus the Pope. I thought that this would probably be the best match of the night, but I was wrong. The match was okay, Angle did his usual spots: chain of German suplexes, Angle Slam and Ankle Lock to finish. This match was only about 12 minutes long, and with no build up and no feud, again, there was no emotional investment.

The main event was RVD versus Jeff Hardy, Abyss and Mr Anderson in a four-way match. This match was an anti-climax and was pretty short for a main event at 12 minutes long. There were some pretty cool spots, like a four-man suplex with RVD taking the worst of it, and then RVD taking a crazy bump off of the ramp (why are my favourite bits where RVD gets hurt?). The match was won by RVD who did his Frog Splash onto a pile of Anderson and Hardy to get the pin. Again, the in-ring stuff was fine, I just found myself not giving a shit. The only thing I wanted to see was the strap being taken off RVD, and it didn’t happen. So what has RVD actually done since coming into TNA? He practically had the title handed to him; he had no build up and has not had any feuds. All of his matches have been disappointing and he’s doing the same spots he was doing over a decade ago, only he can’t pull them off as well.

Match Ratings:

Doug Williams (winner) versus Brian Kendrick
***½

Bubba Ray (winner) versus Devon versus Jesse Neal
*½

Taylor Rayne versus Angelina Love (winner)
*

AJ and Kaz (winners) versus Joe and Rob Terry
***

Matt Morgan versus Hernandez (winner)
*

Ric Flair versus Jay Lethal
***

Beer Money versus MCMG (winners)
****

Kurt Angle (winner) versus The Pope
***

RVD (winner) versus Hardy versus Abyss versus Mr Anderson
**½

Overall PPV rating:
**½
Mediocre PPV, had some decent matches which were let down by poor storytelling.

That Clown from Outta Town - iMPACT July 8th 2010

Socko's decided we need avatars so it's easier to tell who's talking. My MS Paint drawing skills suck, so I guess this'll have to do for now.

Anyway, this week's iMPACT. AJ v Kaz to look forward to, other than that there's no real reason for anyone to tune in - no decent storylines going on, no decent matches announced - nothing. TNA really ought to start promoting their shows better, when even their fans don't give a fuck it's a bad sign.

This week, I hope they start with a wrestling match, and I hope they have AJ v Kaz as the main event. I hope to see minimal RVD, Hogan and Bischoff. In fact, I hope Hogan and Bischoff get fired live on air.

1:38 - Apparently, Anderson hitting Hardy with a chair has been a hot controversy all week. Personally, I'd completely forgotten about it. Of course it was an accident though - why bother befriending Hardy over the course of 2 months, saving him from several beatings, just to hit him in the back with a chair one time? Not to mention the fact that Abyss was about to brain Hardy with a nailboard before Anderson ran in, so if he wanted Hardy to get hurt he could have just done nothing. Either it was an accident or the bookers are fucking morons.
1:44 - Oh god, he's coming to the ring to talk :(
5:39 - Why are people cheering a guy calling them assholes? Drooling fucking retards.
6:53 - Ugh, wonky camera crap again
7:18 - AJ seems pissed that he has to wrestle Kaz...AJ YOU FUCKING CHALLENGED HIM, WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU
8:09 - Oh, ffs...AJ v Kaz is the first match...this doesn't make any fucking sense...again. Fucking TNA and their blowing their load early
9:07 - HOLY SHIT RVD v JOE...WHY IS THIS ON iMPACT WITH NO FUCKING BUILD UP? THIS SHOULD BE A PPV MATCH WITH A MONTH'S STORYLINE BEHIND IT TNA YOU FUCKING IDIOTS
14:29 - Decent match (for iMPACT), bullshit ending. 6 minutes just isn't long enough for a decent match. A 15 minute match with a 3 min advert is better than 2 6 minute matches without breaks.
15:46 - Kaz and AJ as a tag team - recipe for awesome :D
16:21 - Oh ffs...I thought the Knockouts were meant to be about wrestling, not T&A?
16:55 - Angelina v Daphne...I think I'll watch this one, even though Madison will blatantly interfere
19:00 - That'll be on Botchamania for sure
19:55 - Wow, no Madison - still, the match was under 4 minutes, what's the fucking point?
21:22 - Madison came out and said she's putting her belt on the line, so what is Angelina putting on the line? FOR FUCKS SAKE THAT'S HOW A CHAMPIONSHIP WORKS YOU FUCKING MONGOLOID
22:18 - Why do people keep putting their careers on the fucking line with Madison? The matches are already booked, they could just tell her to go fuck herself, but instead they keep getting fired like a bunch of fucking retards
25:19 - Woop woop Dudleys on the mic
30:43 - Sweet, Bubba v Jesse v Devon at the PPV :D
30:58 - JOE JOE JOE JOE
31:16 - I really hope Joe fucks RVD up. Like...really fucks him up. For real.
32:00 - 32 mins in and already there's been Joe v RVD and AJ v Kaz...what decent stuff could possibly be left in the show?
32:45 - They haven't said if it's a title match or not...so, guessing RVD will win. If Joe was gonna win they would've mentioned either way.
33:20 - For the first time in ages, a match where I actually care who wins. Kill him, Joe!
34:07 - The crowd agrees - FUCK HIM UP JOE
35:09 - FUCK YEAH, JOE JUST KILLED RVD
39:17 - The commentators seem more interested in Tommy Dreamer being in the crowd than the actual match - Joe is dominating though :D
40:23 - Joe just decapitated RVD with a clothesline
42:07 - Fuck, another decapitation...awesome :D
44:14 - TAP THE FUCK OUT YOU CUNT
44:37 - What the fuck...RVD won :( Fuck TNA
45:00 - Great match, shitty, bullshit ending...I'm hoping for a post match beatdown
46:00 - Now I'm pissed off :/
49:07 - Doug Williams seems to be affecting a Hitler haircut
50:19 - Doug's fear of heights is such bullshit
50:49 - "In England they live in flats, there's no upper level" COMMENTARY FAIL
53:20 - TNA is so fucking stupid - why are they using their champion as a fucking jobber? What fucking sense does that make? Absolutely none. Bunch of shit.
54:38 - What the christ is this promo? Bunch of shit, I'd rather MCMG not get airtime than put this crap on the air
55:44 - 6 man tag, MCMG & Hernandez v Beer Money and Matt MorgzzzzzZZZZZZZ
56:54 - I actually can't be bothered to watch this, fast forwarding
63:35 - For fucks sake, Pope, talk about your fucking PPV match and not fucking Anderson
64:03 - Nash :D
64:30 - Ugh, fucking Hogan
65:22 - Jay Lethal :D
66:42 - Jay Lethal + being serious = crap
66:50 - NOBODY GIVES A SHIT ABOUT YOUR MOTHER, TALK ABOUT WRESTLING FFS
68:12 - Wow, Ric Flair actually said something I agree with...
72:05 - A truly fucking awful in ring promo from Flair
72:34 - Ugh, shitty main event coming up
73:45 - This match will be shit, fast forwarding
74:07 - Oh wait, promo...I'll watch
74:40 - What the fuck was that? Say something interesting or keep your fucking mouth shut Anderson
75:09 - Ok, really fast forwarding this time
80:46 - Cool, here comes the nailboard :D
81:16 - Ugh, confiscated...fast forwarding
82:20 - Fucking RVD again...please come out and destroy him Joe

Another shitty iMPACT, two decent matches which both had shitty endings, and the rest was boring. PPV looks shit too. Fuck TNA.

If there was another weekly wrestling show, I'd be ready to jump ship. WWE isn't wrestling, ROH isn't that great and is difficult to find, nobody else does a weekly show that I know of. This fucking sucks. If PWG were easier to get hold of in my area (i.e. not the USA), I'd jump ship today and only go back to TNA when Hogan, Bischoff and Russo leave. As it is, I have to choose between watching this shit every week, and not watching wrestling altogether :(

EDIT: And this is coming from someone who considers themselves a TNA fan...

Socko's TNA Victory Road predictions

Here are my predictions for the next TNA PPV 'Victory Road' which I will review, and no doubt eat my words, next week.

TNA WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP
Mr. Anderson vs. Jeff Hardy vs. Abyss vs. (c) Rob Van Dam

I'm hoping that Anderson will get the chapionship, however, I can see RVD retaining the title until Kurt Angle has worked his way up through the rankings. I've never liked four-way matches. Three-ways or tag matches are great, but any more than that and things just get confusing. Isn't odd that the last WWE PPV was called Fatal Four Way, and now TNA are doing one. Will they do a Money in the Bank ladder match at their next PPV?

CHALLENGE MATCH
Ric Flair vs. Jay Lethal

I can predict a Flair win, but this will be with a lot of interference from his stable. :ethal will probably get a pin, but the ref will be out or distracted or something equally lame. This match will be a stinker

CONTENDERS BATTLE
#10 Kurt Angle VS #8 “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero

No boubt that this will be at least a four-star match. Pope's great in the ring and on the mic, but I really can't see Kurt Angle losing any matches whilst working up the rankings

STEEL CAGE MATCH
Matt Morgan vs. Hernandez

I'm a bit bored of this storyline now, and if Morgan and Hernandez have proved anything, it is that they are inconsistant in the ring. This could be an awesome match, or it could be a stinker. I can see Morgan winning.


ULTIMATE X MATCH FOR THE X CHAMPIONSHIP
(Win by either Submission or claiming the Ultimate X)
Kendrick vs. (c) Douglas Williams.

I really like this angle, I really like Brian Kendrick and I really like Doug Williams. This has the potential to be an awesome match. I can see a ref bump with Williams getting put into a cobra clutch, Williams taps, but the ref is out. I then see Williams doing some kind of high-risk move of Kendrick then retaining the belt by climbing the ultimate x.

TNA WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP
Beer Money vs. The Motor City Machineguns
Hail Sabin, Motor City have to win this, it's just retarded if they don't... Oh wait, we've gor Russo and Bischoff in creative, damn it, I'll have to go with Beer Money then... but I really want the Guns to win, Alex Shelley is underrated as hell.

TNA KNOCKOUTS CHAMPIONSHIP
Angelina Love vs. (c) Madison Rayne

Wonder if it will be a career match, but then Angelina wins. I hope she does because at least she can wrestle. Not that there are any decent female wrestlers left in the KO division apart from Sarita and Taylor Wilde. This match will be piss-poor.

EDIT: Ray vs Devon vs Jesse
I'm guessing that Devon will get the pin on Jesse... TNA can't split up 3D, it's stupid if they do.

AJ and Kaz vs Mystery tag team.
Well the build up to this between AJ/Kaz and the mystery tag team make this worth watching, gonna guess the AJ/Kaz will (flips a coin) lose.



AND STILL NO JOE :(

Greatest Promos Ever! "Oldest ride, longest line..."

This has to be the funniest promo in TNA history, I nearly wet my pants I was laughing so much. Nature Boy Jay Lethal and Flair in a war of words, it doesn't come any better than this!

Watch it once, then play it back with your eyes closed, the impression really is quite uncanny.





Fortune is a shite name for a stable though...

Review: TNA Slammiversary VIII

After 23 days in the wilderness, I’m back. So let’s not waste time and get to the review of TNA’s Slammiversary VIII. Before watching the PPV I caught up on the Impacts from the past three weeks and was surprised by the low key build-up for many of the matches, oh apart from Hardy/Anderson teaming up and the ‘Why Sting, why?’ angle still being as funny as hell. Why Sting, why?

The first match of the evening was a welcome surprise, but one, which upon reflection, fits in perfectly with Angle starting at the bottom (well, number 11) of the TNA top 10 rankings. TNA and consistent storylines don’t usually happen, so I’m interested to see how this one pans out. Anyway, in the opening match we had Kazarian and Kurt Angle. This is how a PPV or an episode of Impact should open, with a decent match. Of course, the match was so good that it probably made the rest of the show not look as good. The crowd intensity peaked during this match, so the rest of the event was just a little bit quieter (but thank God, throughout the first match one shrill scream could be heard throughout the match, which was most disconcerting, whoever that screaming woman was, would you please shut the fuck up in future?). What made me laugh was when the fans were chanting ‘USA USA USA’; who was that for exactly? Angle, who’s American or Kaz, who also happens to be an American? Give yourselves a pat on the back for that one.

There were some pretty awesome moves during this one, with Kaz having the upperhand early on even getting Angle with the Ulmari driver (that reverse tombstone thing), which with Angle’s neck the way it is, was pretty nasty. Angle beat Kaz with the ankle lock and moved up in the rankings.

Next up was Brian Kendrick versus Doug Williams for the X Division title. This match had been set up with Williams being against the high-flying style of the X-Division. Which is why Kendrick (also a heel, I might add) spent most of the match brawling in the ring with Douglas. Douglas then finished the match with one of the most uncomfortable and least graceful Tornado DDTs I think I’ve ever seen. With Kendrick grounded, the storyline just didn’t make a lot of sense, and with Kendrick avoiding the mic like someone’s offering him a poo to smell the match had little build-up. The only thing I learnt through Impact is that Kendrick is a psycho.... just like Nailz... Instead of Kendrick, they should have had Amazing Red, at least the disparity in styles would have been more pronounced and the crowd would have given a shit. Overall though, not a bad match

Next we had a bit with Eric Bischoff asking ‘Why Sting, why?’ Yawn. He then went on to talk about how great Rob Van Dam is. Yawn. Bischoff makes a great heel, but when he’s a babyface he is completely boring. If TNA need to have Eric Bischoff (which they don’t), then bring back Sleazy E, at least that way he’ll be vaguely entertaining.

Next up was Roxxi versus Madison Rayne for the Knockouts title. I must have been in the mood for self-flagellation because I knew this was going to be a stinker, but watched it anyway to see how bad it would be. The match began with Madison coming to the ring and takes the mic, she starts moaning to Roxxi that she has everything to lost and Roxxi has everything to gain, clearly not realising defending a title is meant to work. The match becomes a title versus career match, and as Roxxi was agreeing, Madion smacked her in the head with the mic and busted he wide open. It looked like a blade job, but it wasn’t. What it confirmed was that Roxxi is actually the daughter of Ric Flair, because no one else bleeds like that. Madison won, but when it comes to it, the Knockouts division is a joke now (they bring in a fat stripper, but ignore Hamada and Sarita, what the fuck?) and when it comes to it Roxxi’s been in about three matches this year, so she hadn’t exactly made waves on TNA. Not quite the stinker I thought it would be, but still a pretty poor match.

Next up was Brother Ray versus Jesse Neal in a Teacher versus Student match. This storyline from the beginning struck me a being weak and made Brother Ray look like a bit of a dick. Anyway, the match began with Brother Ray taking to the mic and apologising for being an arse candle and there were hugs all round. Just in case you forgot, this is a PPV, use the build up to cut promos... for fuck’s sake... but wait! Shock upon shock! It was all a ruse. Brother Ray socked Jesse on the head and threw him about 10 foot to the other side of the ring... much better, can we have some wrestling now please? The match played out like a squash match with Brother Ray beating on Jesse throughout. But then, I think we had the earth-shattering arrival of... Tommy Dreamer? Now don’t get me wrong, Tommy Dreamer was great, but that was over a decade ago. Also, he was retired by Zack Ryder (yes, the Raw jobber who’s still yet to win a match on Raw), which doesn’t exactly make him look like the most dominant of wrestlers. Hopefully his role will be similar to what Shane Douglas’s was back in the early days of TNA, or maybe he’ll bring Taz out of retirement. But honestly, I can’t see where he would fit in an already top-heavy roster. Anyway, with the distraction of Dreamer appearing in the crowd, Jesse took Brother Ray down with a spear for the pin. Pretty mediocre match.

Next up was Hernandez versus Matt Morgan, which was one of the few matches on this PPV I was excited about. The match began with Morgan coming out in his normal clothes, wearing a neck brace and selling a neck injury. He comes to the ring and, because this is a PPV, takes the mic to cut a promo. He handed the ref a doctor’s note which said he could not ‘perform’ (don’t say that, people will find out that wrestling’s fake!). As he walked away from the ring Hernandez arrived and threw him into the ring. Two matches in a row and two attempted swerves... don’t use the same gimmick two matches running. Anyway, the match was pretty evenly matched most of the way through with Hernandez working on Morgan’s neck and then Morgan going to work on Supermex’s shoulder. With months of aggression building up in Hernandez in his bid to get revenge over Morgan, how did the match end? With Supermex getting DQed for throwing the ref, I’m not even kidding. The brawling continued until the referee tried to stand in front of a kick and go smacked in the chest. This match was pretty disappointing and had a pointless ending. Let’s hope that Supermex reforms LAX again.

Next up was an interview with Hulk Hogan who was asking ‘Why Sting, why?’ Complaining that Sting had crossed the line (which is what I thought TNA was all about: their tagline is ‘Cross the Line’ for fuck’s sake, but of course Hogan wouldn’t know that because he’s only in it for his own ego). Hogan then went on to talk about ‘the code of ethics’ wrestlers have and that they shouldn’t destroy other wrestler’s careers. Now I’m not one to split hairs here, but hasn’t Hogan been cited by numerous sources as one of the main reasons for the fall of WCW and why many young wrestlers in WCW did not get a push? Anyway...

Next up was Abyss versus Desmond Wolfe in a Monster’s Ball match. Though you might to know it, Desmond Wolfe is one of the best technical wrestlers in TNA, if not the industry (watch some of his matches with Kurt Angle or Bryan Danielson on YouTube to see what I mean), so what do TNA do with such a gifted talent? They get him to hit Abyss over the head with a kendo stick a few times. These type of matches had their place about 10-15 years ago, but they just piss me off now. Why TNA still insists on these is beyond me. Abyss took some pretty hard shots with bin lids and a kendo stick and gets cut up with a board wrapped in barbed wire. It seemed odd that TNA would couple a hardcore match with a goofy ‘Beauty and the Beast’ style storyline. I’ve got to admit that I nearly pissed myself laughing when Desmond Wolfe pulled a teddy bear, wrapped in barbed wire, out of one of the bins. Hardcore! The match came to a climax and Wolfe wanted his brass knuckles from Chelsea (not realising that the ring was scattered with other potential sources of injury for Abyss). But... Shock upon shock! Chelsea gave the knuckles to Abyss who socked Wolfe and put him in a Black Hole Slam and getting the pin. Chelsea was stood, barbed-wired teddy bear in hand, aww... At this point I was expecting an anthropomorphic teapot to start a chorus with the teddy bear, singing a song about beauty being more than skin-deep or something. This match was just stupid... though I’m looking forward to the Match made in Heaven between Abyss and Chelsea booked for the next PPV... maybe...

Next up was, for me, one of the highlights of the PPV, Jay Lethal versus AJ. I’m really glad to see Lethal getting a push, he’s still got his comedy stuff, but now he’s himself which is great. I thought his entrance theme sucked donkey anus. I know they’ve dropped the Black Machismo gimmick, but they really needn’t have given him some generic rock music. Would have been funnier, even if it was for the short-term, for Lethal to come out to Flair’s theme, or at least a reworking of it, but what do I know?

The match was really good, and saw Lethal and AJ at their best. For some reason though, the crowd was a bit flat, maybe they’d yawned themselves to sleep with the Beauty and the Beast match? Lots of Flair-style chops and figure-four leg locks throughout. AJ even gave a nod to one of the other Horsemen, Arn Anderson, with a pretty nasty looking brain buster on Lethal. Wrestlers should watch this match to learn how to sell. With Lethal working on AJ’s knee we had AJ limping around a bit, then when it looked like AJ was going to suddenly forget about his injury and go up-top, his knee went from under him on the second rope. This is such a small detail, but one which certain wrestlers could learn from *cough* ROB VAN DAM *cough*. Lethal won with the pin... a very good match.

At the end of the match we saw a bit of a dressing down on AJ by Flair, and Kaz came out to calm him down. Flair reminded of the character Pop from League of Gentlemen when he finds out that his son was robbed:



I was hoping at this point in the match that Kaz would start kicking the shit out of AJ, but alas, he took Flair away and we are left with hints of a feud between Kaz and AJ which could be pretty cool.

Next up was the match between Hardy/Anderson, sorry, the Enigmatic Assholes, and Beer Money. Even though they’d spent far too much time hyping this match up on Impact, I had completely forgotten about it by the time it came on. On the whole, this wasn’t a bad match; it was just a bit dull. Beer Money lost, and nobody cared.

Finally, we had the main event Rob van Dam versus Sting. I really wanted to see RVD get beaten to a pulp with a baseball bat, but it wasn’t my night. Unsurprisingly RVD won. Unsurprisingly RVD didn’t sell or display any in-ring psychology. Unsurprisingly, Rob Van Dam did that thing with his arms to get people to chant his initials at every available opportunity. Unsurprisingly, Van Dam did the same spots he was doing over a decade ago. Unsurprisingly, there was a ref bump and a run-in by Jarrett. Unsurprisingly, the match was unsurprising. The amount of times I groaned and tutted during this match made me sound like I was speaking some weird African dialect.

Woooo!!!! Mr TNA won!!!! Woooo!!!! RVD RVD RVD!!!!! Whole fucking show!!!! Woooo!!!!

I’m now officially sick of RVD. He got handed the championship and he’s a boring egomaniac. TNA have always bumped ex-WWE wrestlers to the top of their roster without realising that it is damaging for them in the long-run. TNA are doing the right thing with Jay Lethal, letting him find his feet then putting him over when he was ready. Rob Van Dam is not Mr TNA, at the moment, that would go to AJ, or Lethal, or Kaz, or whoever really. If TNA ever want to compete with WWE on a serious level, they need to put their own home grown talent above the ex-WWEers, otherwise they’ll always be seen as the company that repackages the WWE rejects. One of the reasons that WCW failed was because they didn’t spend enough time building up their own talent. The WWE spends time building characters up. Look at Steve Austin, who was the Ring Master when he came to WWE, or Reverend Batista, or Johnny Nitro, or Rocky Maivia, or Hunter Hirst Helmsley... you get the picture.

Ahh, it’s good to be back at the helm of the good ship Socko...

That Clown from Outta Town - May 27th iMPACT

iMPACT time again. Hopefully Sting will attack wrestlers I don't like all night again. Plus, I want to see what happens to The Band following Scott Hall's arrest (although that may have happened after the show was taped - not sure), and I hope to see Angle vs Kaz - I want to get to Angle vs Joe ASAP! Please start with wrestling not talking this week TNA!

1:35 - Ooh, Band vs 3D vs Ink Inc :)
1:49 - Kaz vs Lethal - awesome :)
2:48 - Jeff, please be coming to fight, not to flap your lips.
3:51 - Ugh, talking :(
7:12 - Here comes AJ :D Hope this turns into a 3-way...
9:54 - Why does AJ look like a waxwork of himself?
11:11 - FUCK YEAH RING THE BELL
14:20 - Let's go Jesse! Show no mercy! Love TNA fans :)
18:48 - Cool, Jesse vs Bubba...hope it's no DQ!
20:29 - Whoa, RVD mentioning his opponent - is that a first?
21:04 - Kaz v Lethal :D Can't wait, this could easily be match of the night.
21:51 - Just noticed Lethal has new entrance music - guess Black Machismo is over :'(
29:43 - Cool match, slightly ruined by the postmatch drama, but at least Lethal slapped the shit out of Flair so it's all good :)
30:46 - Looks like Orlando Jordan laid out Shannon? He did that card thing before iirc...
32:15 - Here comes OJ...with Abyss stickers on his nipples? What?
32:53 - Abyss vs OJ - bit out of the blue. I'm sure Wolfe will be along shortly.
38:48 - Whoomp, there it is - haha, 'Get up, bubblegum'
39:47 - Freakbuster? Looks like a chokeslam to me...
40:38 - Here comes RVD - FUCK HIM UP STINGER
47:47 - They're promoting midget wrestling on TNA now...way to raise your profile.
49:33 - I was actually going to watch this match - Wilde and Sarita are pretty good - but they've got the midget wrestling guy on commentary. Fuck that. Fast forwarding.
56:28 - WOLFE V HARDY - This is either gonna be great, or a huge letdown. Don't fuck it up, TNA.
57:18 - FUCK YEAH ANGLE - Tell 'em, Kurt!
57:50 - Oh, he's commentating.
58:20 - Just realised, Kurt vs the top ten means Kurt vs Wolfe again as well as the Joe match - this is fucking awesome. I love this angle. Can't fucking wait for the Joe match though. Hope they have another red hot feud to hype it up, there was a time when I thought those two were going to kill each other.
61:00 - This match looks to be pretty good so far...please don't fuck it up with a run-in Abyss/Anderson/AJ/whoever
66:30 - Neat match, shame about the copout ending - I'd be happy to see these two go at it at PPV though
67:03 - Morgan's back :) FUCK HIM UP JOE
68:56 - Morgan issuing an open challenge for a tag partner - I'd love to hear Hernandez's music right about now :)
69:16 - Anderson calling out Angle? Is he mad?
71:24 - FUCK YEAH JOE FUCK EM UP JOE
72:18 - Joe and Angle eye to eye...you can cut the tension with a knife...Joe v Angle is going to be fucking awesome
73:24 - Cool, AJ vs Anderson...I'd usually write off an Anderson match before the bell rings but it's AJ...I'll give it a shot ;)
84:26 - Neat match, the post match drama wasn't much to write home about but I guess it continues the Hardy/Anderson love-in...

Pretty good iMPACT this week :) Joe vs Morgan seems to be brewing, Joe v Angle is going to be awesome, Jesse v Bubba is getting pretty hot...Sting v RVD is kinda going off the boil a little, Wolfe v Hardy will be great if it escalates into a feud - their match was pretty good until the ref bump. No Hogan, no Bischoff and minimal RVD makes for a great iMPACT, it seems.

Some suggestions for TNA should any of them actually read this:

1. Put Red back on TV! He's awesome! The fans love him!
2. Bring back Pope! Or at least update us on his condition! The fans love him!
3. BRING BACK SHARK BOY! THE FANS LOVE HIM!

Bad Boy Martin's Commentaries: Jay Lethal vs Orlando Jordan

A midlands-based wrestling fan, Bad Boy Martin has got in touch and sent us this video. It is his own unique take on a TNA Xplosion match between Jay Lethal and Orlando Jordan from before Russo started to recycle the Goldust angle... Enjoy.
This is a Socko's Review exclusive! He'd love to hear your comments.

Tell me why I don't like Mondays...

Raw wasn't great this week but there was a couple of impressive debut matches from some of the 'rookies', especially Brian Danielson. He was never going to win, but looked good none the less.

Then there's Sheamus, the angry Irishman. He ticks a few of the stereotypical boxes such as calling people 'Fella', Christian imagery on his outfit, pasty complexion and ginger hair - I guess he has much to be angry about, all things considered. Watching him run in on a weekly basis, kick someone in the head, look smug and then exit again is just getting a little tedious.

I watched Raw this week in the company of Mr Socko of Mr Socko's Pro Wrestling Review fame and we both came to the conclusion that Smackdown is turning into a bit of a dumping ground for shite stars (Jack Swagger, Undertaker, Kane, Big Show etc.) and that WWE in general is just getting somewhat... tame.

Onwards and upwards then, TNA impact on the same day. TNA has been on the up again for a while now so surely nothing could stop this train from coming off the track, could it? The show for me started with great work from Jay Lethal and the very convincing Ric Flair impersonation he did (obviously only if you keep your eyes closed) who has started to make a bit of a name for himself lately, but when he had flair where he should have been the typically boring free for all started which was a good moment for Hogan to come in and steal the spotlight as usual. One of the biggest surprises for me regarding flair this week is the fact that he didn't bleed at all; has he finally bled himself dry?

Knockouts - Fast forward time. However, at the end of this match, Tara (or is it Tera?) pretty much announced that she's off, so that's a bonus.

Mr. Anderson was pretty amusing as always, Jeff Hardy looked bloated, drugs taking their toll perchance.

The band... Embarrassing as always and now they have a new member to change their incontinence pants and wipe the dribble from their mouths, Eric Young. If you include Sean Waltman, they have a combined age of 170 - scrape that barrel baby.

Orlando Jordan and the O-Zone - hmm, don't ask.

Desmond Wolfe challenging RVD was simply disappointing, it could have been a classic if Hulk didn't need to steal the spotlight one more time with Sting.

I'd give it maybe 5/10, but I'm feeling generous - I agree with Clown - good in the middle, but shite elsewhere.

Review: TNA Impact! 3rd May

I'm gonna keep this one short and sweet because the clown from outta town, if that is his real name, summed the show up pretty perfect.

Some points:

1) Desmond Wolfe versus RVD was a big anti-climax. It seems that the number one contender poll is just a vote as to who will be RVD's next jobber.
2) Joe was awesome, why the hell isn't he being pushed?
3) Orlando Jordan is apparently being sued by Goldust for plagiarism.
4) Who's that old guy who came in who looks like Kevin Nash?
5) Who's that old guy who came in who looks like Razor Ramone?
6) TNA listens to its fans, which is why they are going back to Thursdays.
7) With Tara's contract up, I wonder if she'll win her career match?
8) Lacey von Eric might be a post-op transexual.
9) With EY joining the Band and Nash holding the feast or fire case, the Band are more likely to get a push as tag title holders than get booted of the air.
10) Jay Lethal makes a good Nature Boy.

Listen to this fan. No one cares about WCW. No one cares about feuds from 15 years ago. Raw and TNA are both turning into 'wrestling lite'.

The Clown from Outta Town - May 3rd iMPACT

Apparently, I'm 'Gonzo', whatever that means. Anyway, here's iMPACT:

1:36 - First thing you see is two old men talking in a car. FFS. I tuned into wrestling, not Grumpy Old Men. Start with a bang for once. Start with Joe vs Red. Start with Pope vs Wolfe. Start with Jesse Neal + Shannon Moore vs 3D. Anything but blah blah blah old men who don't wrestle.
2:20 - I can't stand the new theme tune. It's a tune WWE would have for their D show.
3:24 - The Summit between Hogan & Sting. No way will Jarrett intervene. That's inconceivable.
3:55 - Hahaha, they're running from Mondays with their tails between their legs.
4:12 - TNA Reaction? Hopefully it'll be just the X-Division + tag teams...
5:29 - New Jay Lethal gimmick :D Hopefully this is the start of the push he deserves.
8:40 - I'm in stitches. Here comes the real Flair...this is either going to get better or much, much worse.
10:44 - Ugh, soap opera drama.
13:29 - And a pointless beatdown. Sigh.
13:55 - And here comes the monster :D
14:11 - Well, that didn't last long...
14:20 - And here's the artillery :D
15:02 - Wait, what? The Monster Abyss - no fear. Team 3D - no fear. RVD (the smallest guy there) - run like frightened bunnies? WTF??
15:24 - So, awesome promo, ruined by an old ex-wrestler talking, followed by disproportionately putting a new, big-name signing over when it would have been better to have established stars do it? Christ, that's a microcosm of the entire fucking company.
15:30 - FUCK OFF I DON'T CARE ABOUT OLD MEN IN CARS
18:45 - Oh god, more brawling. Here's an idea - why not schedule a wrestling match for your wrestling show?
19:24 - So let me get this straight - Hogan was driving AWAY from the iMPACT Zone for 15 minutes, then turned the car around and made it back to the arena in 4 minutes?? What the fuck is this shit?
21:31 - FUCK YEAH DESMOND WOLFE GETS A MATCH! Please be Joe please be Joe please be Joe
21:42 - Oh no, he's just going to be putting RVD over. FFS. At least it's a title shot I guess.
22:03 - Monster's Ball on iMPACT? Nice :)
22:36 - 3 way tag match...also nice :)
23:00 - Ok, they're putting together a decent show - but why the hell did they waste 20+ mins on drama when they could have gone right into it?
24:04 - Did Velvet get new implants? Tits seem bigger than usual.
24:44 - Yay, Douggie :)
26:07 - Yay, Jesse :)
26:33 - Countdown to Morgan commencing...
27:51 - Whoomp there it is
27:56 - HOLY SHIT FLYING FOOTSTOMP he looked like he actually stomped his head
30:21 - Was that Jesse's first pin? Awww, they grow up so fast :3
30:56 - JOE JOE JOE JOE
31:39 - FUCK YEAH MUSCLE BUSTER
32:07 - He's got the mic! TELL 'EM, JOE
32:17 - Best promo ever :D FUCK YEAH JOE
38:00 - As bored as I am of Mr Anderson...the choirboy outfit is hilarious.
46:05 - Oh wow, comedy pants. What an amazing gimmick. Anderson is truly awesome.
46:49 - Knockouts - fast forwarding.
53:15 - Awesomeness incoming.
57:52 - Sigh. Hall & Nash. Good match ruined by old men who haven't been relevant in years. Again.
58:51 - Woo, Eric Young in The Band! Finally, they have someone worth mentioning. I hope he's the leader.
60:11 - The O Zone. I'll check it out this week, but I have a sneaky suspicion this is the future star of fast forwarding.
63:48 - Oh, hopefully it's a one-off.
65:15 - Monsters Ball :D
65:42 - I keep hearing AJ's music and being like - Yay, AJ :D Then I remember the stupid highlights, the ridiculous earrings, and the fact that Flair is never far behind, and I'm like - Oh. Yeah. :(
71:14 - AJ wins fair and square :)
71:58 - Desmond v RVD. Lets go Desmond *clap clap clap clap*
72:39 - I like RVD, but it's starting to annoy me how much TNA *want* me to like him.
76:00 - Disappointing match. Dissapointingly short too.
77:45 - Tenay just hit the nail on the head. WCW was over a decade ago. Which is EXACTLY FUCKING WHY they shouldn't be shortening a potentially amazing match to see two old men talk to each other about something nobody gives a fuck about any more.
79:19 - Everyone's been anticipating this for months? Are you fucking mad? NOBODY CARES, WE WANT WRESTLING
83:39 - DO IT STING
84:12 - This iMPACT was like a bacon, turkey, stuffing and mayonaise sandwich, made with the cheapest brown bread available. The middle was fucking awesome, but the stuff either side of it was substandard. Fire Russo. Fire Bishoff.