Wrestlemania 28 predictions

With an underwhelming go-home show for this year’s Wrestlemania in the bag, it is time to put my hat into the ring and choose my predictions for this year’s show.
Compared to the last two years, Wrestlemania 28 is by far a much stronger bill up and down the card. I still find it odd that they are billing the show as having FOUR main events, but who cares? I’m past trying to think through WWE’s bizarre logic.
Anyway, let’s take a look at the card (which will probably be tweaked come Sunday):

Randy Orton vs. Kane
This match has had almost zero build. Kane was feuding with Zack Ryder and Cena, getting Cena to embrace the hate, then Kane realised that he’d shook Rany Orton’s hand last summer and so build a match from that. This feud (if you can even call it that) feels more like an after-thought than anything to get excited about. The match should be fine, and Orton will win.

Maria Menounos & Kelly Kelly vs. Beth Phoenix & Eve Torres
This will be when I get some beers and put on some hotdogs. The token celebrity match (though Menounos is pretty much unheard of outside of the US). I hope it’s short, because it will certainly be a dud by anyone’s standards. Faces to win.

Cody Rhodes vs. Big Show for the Intercontinental Title
Cody Rhodes is very good, so this match has potential to be pretty entertaining. Cody has been humiliating Show for weeks, so the build has been really strong. I predict a win for Cody, with the Big Show probably snapping after the match and destroying Cody. Show will get his revenge, but Cody will keep the title.

Team Teddy vs. Team Johnny
The geek match. It’s really hard to care about the result of this match because Teddy Long is so unlikable and Otunga and Johnny are so entertaining as a double-act (just please don’t put Otunga in the ring). I think it’s obvious that Teddy Long’s team is losing, and there should be some pretty decent spots in the match. I predict that Drew MacIntyre (of all people) will get the pin in order to rebuild his character... but I’m not holding my breath.

Daniel Bryan vs. Sheamus for the World Heavyweight Title
Main Event time! This was the match I paid for last year but never got, so it’s good to see that it is now the main event and not a dark match. This match has the potential to elevate both Sheamus and Danielson to the next level. I just hope they are given a decent amount of time to show what they can do. The only thing which might work against this match is the lack of heat between Danielson and Sheamus. For months Danielson had heat with Henry, Cole, Show, even AJ, but there’s not been much with Sheamus. I think the build has made it quite obvious that Sheamus will win (even though Sheamus, and not the champ was pinned on Raw).

The Undertaker vs. Triple H in a Hell in a Cell Match
Main Event time! This match will be awesome and I can’t wait. I predict that Undertaker will win, probably after kicking out of a Sweet Chin Music at some point. They’ve done a hell of a job building this match up, some of the promos have told really intriguing stories. I think they missed a trick by not having Shawn out on the last Raw doing a promo with ambiguous wording as way to add more intrigue to the match, but hey, we had to see the same Rock/Cena promo again. I predict lots of blood, and a good slow-paced match with lots of drama.

CM Punk vs. Chris Jericho for the WWE Title
Main Event time! I’ve really enjoyed the way they’ve built up this match. It’s nice to see that Jericho has got to Punk and that feud has moved beyond a simple “I’m the best”, “No, I’m the best” feud to something with more dimensions. I think they’ll have a hell of match, maybe the best of the night. I can see Jericho winning the title, with Punk winning it back at the next PPV.

John Cena vs. The Rock
WWE can’t win with this match. If Rock wins, Cena’s going to still be around to hold up the company, while Rock’s off doing films. If Cena wins, nothing will be gained and everyone who hates Cena going in will continue to hate Cena. A lot of the interest in the match has gone down for me. I’ve found Rock to be unlikable, relying on catchphrases and very out-of-date cultural references (Mark E Mark hasn’t been around for about 20 years, the Tellytubbies had their day about 15 years ago). Cena’s character came off well for a few weeks, but when he came out to do his Dr of Thugonomics gimmick, you knew that Cena, in any guise, is simply playing a role. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve enjoyed the promos, they’ve been entertaining, but have they built up the match any more than they did a year ago? My feeling is not. Cena looks set to win, but it’s in Rock’s hometown so I can’t really see the 50/50 split that the WWE were hoping for.

Socko's week in wrestling

WWE Raw

This week, Raw went old school, and it was pretty good. They had all the old graphics, music, format and colours of Raw from when it first started. It was just like a normal edition of Raw in terms of building up for Survivor Series and keeping with the usual storylines. There were a couple of matches where old wrestlers were squashed by the younger guys (Brooklyn Brawler and Sgt. Slaughter). They also had a few ‘legends’ come out without wrestlers, or do little skits. One skit which I though was genius was with Dusty Rhodes, IRS, the Million Dollar Man, Goldust and Cody Rhodes... you need to see it. A skit with the Iron Sheik was also brilliant. He seemed like he didn’t even know he was there and was shouting off... not quite so genius, but was still entertaining.
Rowdy Roddy Piper did his Piper’s Pit with Cena and Orton, and even though Piper’s looking pretty old these days, he’s still got it on the mic.
Highlight of the night was the Swagger versus Danielson match with Jim Ross on the commentary. I’m obviously showing my age because having JR on the commentary just sounded right. I thought that Michael Cole was brilliant during this as well, pouting like a teenager. Michael Cole as a heel, play-by-play guy works really well, and this segment was probably one of the most entertaining things Cole has ever done.



TNA Impact

I find you have to rate the quality of Impacts on a curve these days. In terms of the last few months, this wasn’t a bad Impact. They were focused on less storylines which gave room for more time for wrestling... but not much more...
The show opened with a slick video package with Jeff Hardy talking about how he’s the “anti-Christ of professional wrestling” and looking and sounding more and more like Raven (he’s even put on a couple of pounds). This was a classic case of style over substance and can only be described as absolute gash.
There was a promo by Ric Flair against Matt Morgan, this was pretty entertaining and actually led to a match later in the night... which as you can imagine wasn’t brilliant, but was pretty solid... before a run-in by Fourtune... throughout the promo Flair repeatedly referred to himself as God – not a God, but God. I hate to use logic here, but if we take the Christian doctrine of the Holy Trinity, whereby the Father (God), the Son (Christ) and the Holy Spirit (spooky ghost), are all properties of the same entity (i.e. God), then Ric Flair and Jeff Hardy should be theologically opposed... perhaps... but then I suppose Flair could be an incarnation of Yahweh, the vengeful God of the Old Testament... Flair should clarify what he means when he uses the word God in this context... erm... so with the run-in, we had a bit of argie-bargie, a bit of an altercation between the members of Fourtune and Douglas Williams... So Doug Williams is now out of Fourtune. This is excellent, it means now Fourtune’s name actually makes fucking sense, I also hope that a match comes of this at the next PPV between AJ and Williams, and hopefully they will give them 15-20 minutes... and a cage... and a ladder...
After the Flair promo we had a mixed tag match between The Guns with Velvet Sky and Jay Lethal, and Gen Me with Robbie E and Cookie... why they are having a manager wrestle after a few weeks of being introduced in beyond me... Becky Bayliss is hot, but she’s not a good worker by any stretch of the imagination... this match had some decent moments, but on the whole was a bit of clusterfuck. Robbie E got the win, which made no sense.
Next up was a segment with Jarrett and JB. You can tell that in recent months TNA have been trying to put over a “reality” feel to their programming, with lots of candid snatches of dialogue and shoots by the wrestlers. In this segment, Jarrett was haranguing JB to read out an elaborate introduction for him, and ended up bitch-slapping him. The scene was uncomfortable and awkward, and so worked very well – much better than a lot of the Bischoff/Hogan segments they’ve been doing recently.
Next up was Jeff Jarrett’s MMA exhibition. With Jarrett bringing out six students from his “dojo” and taking them one at a time to show them submissions. I actually found this segment pretty entertaining, even though as I’m writing this, it sounds like a sack of cack... the segment was interrupted by Samoa Joe (Not “SAMOAN JOE”, Hogan). A match between Joe and two of the anonymous ‘students’ lasted for about 20 seconds with Joe getting them both to tap out in quick succession. Jarrett ran away, and we will no doubt see a submission match at the next PPV.
I’m pretty hazy on the ordering here, but the next match (I think) was Jeff Hardy versus Raven. If Raven lost, he would be fired. With the EC2 angle being wound down, it’s no surprise that Raven lost. As much as I used to like Raven, today he looks out of shape and a bit of a drug-wreck. The match itself wasn’t bad, and had hardy win with a Twist of Fate followed by a Swanton for the pin.
There was a really dull promo between Rhino and Tommy Dreamer, which I can’t really remember aside from the fact that it nearly made me fall asleep. This also goes for 3D’s promo – as great as they are on the mic, this whole angle is rubbish. Bubba flips between face and heel every few weeks and its starting to wear a bit thin.
As I say, my order is all out of whack, but I’m pretty sure the next match was Mickie James versus Angelina for the number our contender’s slot. As Love didn’t get her rematch after she lost the title to Tara, I’m pretty sure she’s the de facto number one contender... but this is TNA and logic and consistency aren’t exactly top priorities. The match was pretty decent, Love looked really good in this match. James won and so she’ll be, erm, taking on Tara again at the next PPV... hmmm...
We then had a backstage bit with Angelina crying, who should show up but Winter? You know Winter; the one who’s been doing the Ultimate Warrior trick of appearing in a mirror? The one that only Angelina can see... and the cameraman... and the viewers... it seems that Winter is some kind of Eastern-bloc goth/witch lesbian stalker. I really cannot wait to see how long it takes for TNA to drop this one...
Next we had a match between Shannon Moore and Abyss. I can’t stand Shannon Moore, the guy is a spot monkey and I just hate his image/character/philosophy/wrestling style. This match was pretty dumb and ended with Pope become the Undertaker and magically appearing in a casket. I’m really confused by the casket, who’s casket is it? I thought it was Abyss’, but it seems that Taz thinks it is the Pope’s... I’m confused.
And the end the show we had the aforementioned Flair/Morgan match.
On the whole, this wasn’t a bad Impact. There were lots of short snappy backstage segments which is much preferred to the long-drawn-out conversations between Hogan and Bischoff. I still think that the TNA belt looks awful... truly awful...

WWE Breaking the Code: Behind the Walls of Chris Jericho DVD

Just a quick final note, Chris Jericho’s DVD is pretty awesome. The documentary segment is great, and has a lot of his best promos. The only negative thing about this is the fact that they spend far too much time plugging Fozzie. If you don’t know Fozzie, imagine the most generic rock you can... bingo! That’s what Fozzie is.
Of course, the best thing about the DVD is the two discs of matches. And because WWE owns the tapes to WCW/ECW/Smokey Mountain, etc, we get a good variety of matches.

“Cowboy” Chris Jericho vs. Lance T. Storm
Calgary, Alberta October 2, 1990
Alternate Commentary By: Chris Jericho & Matt Striker

The Thrill Seekers vs. The Infernos
Smoky Mountain Wrestling March 12, 1994

International Junior Heavyweight Championship Match
Chris Jericho vs. Ultimo Dragon
Japan July 7, 1995
Alternate Commentary By: Chris Jericho & Matt Striker

Chris Jericho vs. Cactus Jack
Hardcore TV March 12, 1996

WCW Cruiserweight Championship Match
Chris Jericho vs. Eddie Guerrero
Fall Brawl September 14, 1997

Mask vs. WCW Cruiserweight Championship Match
Chris Jericho vs. Juventud Guerrera
SuperBrawl VIII February 22, 1998

WCW Cruiserweight Championship Match
Chris Jericho vs. Dean Malenko
Nitro July 27, 1998

The Millennium Countdown Clock Expires
RAW August 9, 1999

Intercontinental Championship Match
Chris Jericho vs. Kurt Angle
No Way Out February 27, 2000

WWE Championship Match
Chris Jericho vs. Triple H
RAW April 17, 2000

WCW World Heavyweight Championship Match
Chris Jericho vs. The Rock
No Mercy October 21, 2001

Undisputed Championship Match
Chris Jericho vs. Stone Cold Steve Austin
Vengeance December 9, 2001
Disk 3

No Disqualification Match for the WWE Undisputed Championship
Chris Jericho vs. Hulk Hogan
SmackDown May 2, 2002

Chris Jericho vs. Shawn Michaels
WrestleMania XIX March 30, 2003
Alternate Commentary By: Chris Jericho & Matt Striker

WWE Championship You’re Fired Match
Chris Jericho vs. John Cena
RAW August 22, 2005

Save_US.Y2J
RAW November 19, 2007

Intercontinental Championship Match
Chris Jericho vs. Jeff Hardy
RAW March 10, 2008

Ladder Match for the World Heavyweight Championship
Chris Jericho vs. Shawn Michaels
No Mercy October 5, 2008

No Holds Barred Match for the Intercontinental Championship
Chris Jericho vs. Rey Mysterio
Extreme Rules June 7, 2009

Non-Title Match
Chris Jericho vs. Undertaker
SmackDown! November 13, 2009

World Heavyweight Championship Match
Chris Jericho vs. Edge
WrestleMania XXVI March 28, 2010

My favourite matches on here are versus Juventud Guerrera and Shawn Michaels. Most of the matches are 4 star + and is well-worth checking out.

Greatest Promos Ever!: "the man of 1004 holds..."

This might actually be one of my favourite promos in wrestling ever. It was from when Chris Jericho was feuding with Dean "the man of 1000 holds" Malenko on WCW.

I miss Jericho when he was like this...





















...arm bar

Review: WWE Night of Champions

It’s WWE Night of Champions where all 7 titles are up for grabs. I’ve not been following Smackdown, but for the Raw titles, I wanted Danielson to make the Miz tap like a baby and I wanted Wade Barrett to take home the gold.

Let’s do this.

Match one: Intercontinental Championship. Dolph Ziggler versus Kofi Kingstone

As you’d expect this was a solid match, they went through each other’s move set. There was no shenanigans, it was pretty much a clean win with Ziggler getting the Zig Zag. Every time I see Ziggler, he looks more and more like Jeff Jarrett, I keep expecting him to come down to the ring with guitar in hand.
Match rating: ***

Match two: Big Show versus CM Punk

I’m a big fan of CM Punk; the guy is awesome on the mic and amazing in the ring. It has to be said that I’m not a big enough fan to watch Smackdown though. Bring him over to Raw so he can feud with Cena or something. Anyway, this was the second match of Night of Champions, but for some reason it wasn’t a title match. Very bizarre. Before the match Punk came down to the ring and got a real hometown pop from the crowd. Punk did an “I love Chicago” bit then started laying into its residents – this was brilliant.
Luckily this was a pretty short match, it was also pretty dull. Big Show did his usual ‘giant’ thing and tackled Punk to give him his ‘Big Right Hand’. I always thought that a closed fist was grounds for a DQ in wrestling, but I suppose if it has a name then that’s okay... hmm...
Match rating: **

Match three: US title. Bryan Danielson versus the Miz

This match was great. Perfect length, fast-paced, some great submissions, great drama. Miz lost by tapping out and cried like a bitch at the end. I can’t emphasise how much I enjoyed this match and was genuinely happy to see Danielson get the title after all the bullshit of Chokegate (it’s a controversy, you have to put gate at the end, so shut the fuck up). I’m sure this will make it into my top ten matches of the year.
Match rating: ****½

Between the matches there was a great promo by Cena where he seemed to be taking the piss out of all the percentage talk you get on these kind of matches. Just watch it on YouTube if you’ve not seen it.

Match four: Divas... Lumberjills?

Match five: World Heavyweight Championship. Undertaker versus Kane.

This match went on for nearly 20 minutes and bored the hell out of me. Two big, slow guys (one who can barely walk these days); trying to recapture something that had gotten old over a decade ago. Pointless match, which was really painful to watch. I felt really sorry for Taker watching this; he’s just past it now and he’s clearly hurting. They both worked really hard, but it just didn’t feel good.
Kane retained the title, woo.
Match rating: *½

Match six: Tag titles: tag team turmoil.

This was basically a gauntlet match between pretty much all of the tag teams, including, erm, Mark Henry and Evan Bourne. This match was a waste of time, it was dull as hell.
Match rating: *

Match seven: Six pack challenge.

This was a mixed bag. Going into this match I thought that Wade Barrett would be next champion. Even though Randy Orton had been given a massive babyface push over the past few months, I thought him winning would be far too obvious... it was. This being said, there were some surprises: Jericho got eliminated with about a minute, Barrett eliminated Cena, Cena went mental on the Nexus guys with a steel chair. But, unsurprisingly, Orton got the win with the, you guessed it, the RKO. Eugh, I really can’t stand the “if he hits that move, it’s all over” approach, and I really don’t get what people see in Orton.
So with Orton the new champ, I was waiting for the Miz to cash in the Money in the Bank case... didn’t happen. I’m sure it will happen at Hell in a Cell when Orton/Sheamus will no doubt have a rematch... but Miz will lose.
Match rating: ***

Overall this was a solid PPV, there were a few surprises, but nothing major. The Miz and Danielson match was by far the highlight.

PPV rating: ***½

RAW's Booking picking up steam

Hey everyone Chris Wilson here, but for now you can just call me TiTan. I just got back into watching the WWE just recently and there's no better way to start off my week than with RAW. Now remember guys i'm not rating the matches i'm rating the booking and the segments/promos involved in the show.



I'm rating from 1 to 5, 1 being boring , 2 being lackluster, 3 being average, 4 entertaining, and 5 being must watch.





Let's start off with Randy Orton vs. Edge vs. Chris Jericho, Coming out of the MITB PPV this a good match to start off with. These three are obviously top contenders for the WWE Title(mainly because Cena is tied up with the Nexus angle). Good to determine a new #1 contender at the beggining of the show while playing into Edge and Jericho's feud, while giving the crowd endless reasons to mark for Orton early in the show. I was surprised to see this first being that the Nexus angle seems to be dominating RAW right now. But all in all good way to start the show. So I give the booking of Randy Orton vs. Edge vs. Chris Jericho a 4 out of 5.



When we return from commercial, Edge is in the ring demanding that Jericho come back out to the ring. The two jaw at each other for a minute, and i'm thinking they are going to go at it at SummerSlam.....Then Jericho mentions Nexus and then it got interesting, Jericho? Leader of the Nexus??? Enter the Nexus and with the snap of a finger my interest returns. Wade Barrett speaks and of course they quickly jump on Edge, lolz at Jericho cheering them on. Wade Barrett speaks again berating Jericho for claiming their own and they quickly jump on him as well. Nice way of tying the Nexus angle into the Jericho/Edge feud, And an even better way of separating Barrett from his pro. Its a breath of fresh air from the "usual" random Nexus attacks. I say i'll give that segment a 4 out of 5 and later on I'll tell you why.



When we return once again The Nexus are heading into their locker room and Barrett is approached by Josh Matthews. Matthews questions if any individual in Nexus can beat Mark Henry, Barrett quickly says Henry is quaking in his boots and that he will write a new chapter in WWE history. As Barrett tries to enter the locker room again he is approached by Sheamus and Sheamus offers a proposal, Barrett offers for him to step into his office, Sheamus quickly decides to wait outside. I have to say didn't like the placement of this segment I thought a match should have been in this spot so I give the Nexus/Sheamus/Matthews segment a 3 out of 5



When we come back again we are joined by John Cena on the Titantron.....hey WWE where are the matches at? anyway Cena ends his interview through titantron by saying if you can' beat em.... and we are off to another commercial. I understand pushing the Nexus angle but a Titantron interview.....2 out of 5



Finally another match.. Eve Torres vs Maryse with the winner becoming #1 contender to the Divas Title....Although the match was short, booking these two is an awesome idea and it had some intrigue going into it if you pay attention to the Divas. So I give the booking of this match a 4 out of 5

Post match Ted DiBiase storms into the ring and yells at the referee for not noticing Maryse's foot on the ropes. John Morrison runs out in street clothes(good to see him) and delivers imo a nearly botched StarShip Pain. Good way to remind us of this mid-card feud by giving Morrison camera time after a very short Diva match. But I give that segment a 3 out of 5

Next up is our current WWE Champion Sheamus coming out and bragging of his dominance over John Cena. Again another Nexus mention comes about when he mentions that him and Wade Barrett agreed to stay out of his way. Miz interrupts and the entertainment value of this promo/segment goes up as The Miz is Mr Money In The Bank, all the while Sheamus says The Miz is nothing and he is the WWE Champion and promptly leaves the ring. As he is leaving the GM sends an email saying Sheamus will be in action. Good segment, intrigue added by Mr. Money in the Bank making an appearance making us think he would cash in...... 4 out of 5

Sheamus is immediately put into action against Evan Bourne. It's always good to see Evan Bourne's high flying antics in action so I wasn't complaining. Obviously a filler match was saved by good booking as the WWE Champion kicked Bourne in the ribs out of the refs view and the hits him with the Brouge Kick to finish the match. 4 out of 5.

A nicely booked match was followed by an even more entertaining post-match segment. The Miz is sarcastically clapping for Sheamus as he gets into the ring. The Miz whacks Sheamus with the MITB breifcase while he wasn't looking. As he was waiting for Sheamus to get up(and i'm thinking he's gonna cash in) R-Truth returns and chases The Miz off. Only a 5 out of 5 because of The Miz's possible cash in and the return of a superstar that I thought would be out longer??

The Miz is now back stage flipping out over R-Truth costing him a shot at cashing in his MITB oppurtunity. 3 out of 5

Next Sheamus is walking backstage with ice on his head and he runs into "The Viper" Randy Orton. Orton tells him that its too bad what happened and that Sheamus is a target now, and that he won't hit with an arrow but with an R.....K......O......... 4 out of 5

Next is Santino and Koslov vs William Regal and Zack Ryder, I can see that the WWE is trying to put over the tag team of Santino and Koslove right now. Although they could be battling any other team, I like the fact that Zack Ryder was booked in this match because you don't see him too much on RAW these days. The booking of this match gets a 3 out of 5.

Next is Wade Barrett vs Mark Henry now this is not main event material so excellent booking to put it at the point of the show where there could be room for a final segment heavily involving the Nexus angle. Henry gets distracted by Nexus who is standing on the stage before the entrance ramp(good play on Henry being distracted because of a possible attack) and Barrett(barely) hits The Wasteland and pins Henry for the victory....I like the placement of this match being that it wouldn't have been possible for Cena's summit with Nexus to occur before it..... 4 out of 5

Barrett continues to attack Henry as the rest of Nexus makes their way to the ring. Barrett calls out Cena. Tarver gets on the mic and say they have made one truce already and Nexus gives their word that they will listen to what Cena has to say. Cena comes out and thanks them for meeting with him and offers a truce as Sheamus did earlier. Barrett answers no and proposes something bigger....and that is that Cena joins Nexus. Cena declines and Barrett tells him he can either leave a coward or get into the ring and take the most vicious beating he can imagine. Cena leaves the ring and states that he has help now as Edge, John Morrison, R-Truth, The Great Khali, and Chris Jericho make their way out and Cena say's there's one more to go and it's BRET HART and they all make their way to the ring as Nexus bails out. Nexus gets high up into the stands as Cena and his team yell at Nexus from the ring. Excellent segment to end a nicely booked show as no matter what most of the faces and Edge and Jericho were through out the show heavily pusing the Nexus angle....hell I thought Cena would join Nexus....5 out of 5

See you guys in a few days for my review of the booking and segments for TNA Impact......

Review: WWE Fatal Four-Way

With one of the worst titled pay per views I think I’ve ever heard, Fatal Four Way could easily be mistaken for the name of a gay porn film. This was an odd pay per view, the crowd throughout was flat and the matches were pretty mediocre.

The first match was Kofi Kingston versus Drew McIntyre for the Intercontinental title. This match was give far too much time, it was 17 minutes long, but felt like longer. Before the match began McIntyre called Teddy Long out to, erm, sit on a chair and watch the match so he would be there to present the title when McIntyre won. There were some pretty decent spots throughout the match, but nothing mind-blowing. The match culminated in a ref bump, with McIntyre in a position for a clean win. I learnt something watching this match which I did not realise previously: if you are a general manager, you have no referring privileges. However, if a referee shirt is forced on you, then suddenly you do. I hate to say it, but what the fuck? So with Kofi pinned, Long went in for the dramatic count... one... two... and he stopped, he just couldn’t tap three. Matt Hardy then did a run-in a knocked McIntyre down with a Twist of Fate to allow Kofi to get the win and retain the title. It seems odd though that a babyface would need the combination of a ref bump, a corrupt pin-count and a run-in to get the win... hmm...

Next up was a Divas match, fast forward...

Then we had a match between Evan Bourne and Chris Jericho, which for me was the match of the night. I’m pretty sure that over the last few weeks on Raw there wasn’t any mention or build up to this match whatsoever. When it comes to the WWE wrestlers, there aren’t that many who I particularly rate, but I think Evan Bourne is awesome in the ring and has a lot of potential. The match was as expected from these two, with Bourne doing a lot of high-flying moves and Jericho keeping him grounded for moves like the Boston Crab, erm, sorry, Walls of Jericho. Bourne pulled of his Air Bourne (geddit?) move, which is a 520 degree summersault to a splash, which Jericho countered with the Code Breaker (that looked pretty cool). The match was won when Bourne did his Air Bourne onto Jericho’s back for the pin. I’m hoping that this victory marks the start of a push for Bourne, who has spent most of WWE career on low-mid card slots. This was also one of the few matches of the night where the crowd actually reacted to what was going on in the ring.

Next up was the four-way match-up between CM Punk, Big Show, Rey Mysterio and Jack Swagger. This wasn’t a great match, but I was surprised by the result. With the push that Big Show had been getting of late, this seemed to be the obvious winner... I was wrong. The match was a pretty run-of-the-mill four-way match with most of wrestlers attempting stop each other getting the pin. The only cool move in this one was a three way suplex between Swagger, Punk and Big Show. Swagger looked out of his depth in this match though, falling down before getting hit, missing timings, etc. The match was interrupted by Kane, who brought out a coffin for some reason and tried to put Punk in it, but was stopped by Luke Gallows... which was odd, especially as nothing further came of it, all it did was keep Punk out of the ring for the finale. To end the match Mysterio got the 619 and a splash on Swagger to get the pin. I didn’t expect this, so even though it was a piss-poor match, at least I was surprised by the result.

Up next was the Miz versus R Truth for the American title. Miz came out and did a rap over Truth’s theme, which was hilarious, not because the lyrics were funny, but because Miz blatantly forgot his lines and just stood staring at the camera blankly for what seemed like an eternity before doing his ‘I’m awesome’ line... which of course, he isn’t. This match was a stinker, and the crowd we chanting ‘this is boring’...ouch! R Truth reminds me of the Ultimate Warrior, he’s got a great entrance, but once the wrestling starts people realise he’s not so great. The match was about 15 minutes long, and Miz and Truth had no chemistry in the ring, this was horrible to watch. Miz retained his title and no one cared.



Throughout the night, we had promos about the NXT guys maybe coming in and the WWE stars being ready for them, so as the final match arrived (a four way between Cena, Sheamus, Edge and Orton) you kind of knew what was coming. Again this match sucked. The NXT people came out and did exactly what they did when this angle first started and beat on Cena. I know I’ve not written anything about this angle, mainly because I wanted to see how it played out after the Danielson sacking, but when it first happened it was exciting and it was Danielson that made it with spitting in Cena’s face... but alas! The angle quickly became boring. But with all the chaos and the fact that the match was no-DQ, Sheamus jumped in a got the pin so he’s now the champion. What became apparent is that the WWE writers haven’t got a fucking clue how to develop this angle with the NXT guys, which is a shame, because it had so much promise. Just because the WWE has watered-down the violence, do they really need to do the same thing with story lines? Grrr... I’m finding WWE incredibly tedious to watch at the moment.

So with the PPV running ½ hour short of the usual, and with the bad bad matches and lame storytelling, you can’t help but feel a little short-changed. In the UK, we get most of the WWE PPVs except the big four on Sky Sports, so I feel really sorry for the American fans who’ve had to fork out for this inferior bullshit. This could well be the worst PPV I’ve seen from WWE.

Review: WWE Raw, 10th May

This week's Raw was a lot more entertaining than it has been of late, but the in-ring stuff, on the whole, still falls into the bracket of what I've been calling 'wrestling-lite'.

Raw opened with ol' snake eyes Randy Orton calling Edge out for a mic wrestle... But wait, that's not Edge's music, that's a Meatloaf song. So Meatloaf came out out to plug his new album, which no one under the age of 45 is likely to buy (it has a song written by Bon Jovi on it, hell yeah!). It's weird, when Meatloaf's not singing, the guy can be pretty entertaining. He was in the ring dancing round Orton trying to get Orton to have one of his songs as his theme song. Orton just stood there. Meatloaf then started singing in Orton's face. Orton just stood there. Meatloaf continues to piss Orton off. Orton's so wooden he makes Mokujin from Tekken seem like a viable alternative for spooning at bed time. The wooden man starts to move; it's a bit like that uncanny moment in the Wizard of Oz when Dorothy realises that the scarecrow is alive. Orton then goes for his trademark RKO. With Orton's relationship with guest hosts, RKOing them at every opportunity, you can't help but think that Orton is a poor man's Stone Cold and the RKO is a cheap facsimile of the Stunner.



With Meatloaf out cold, Edge makes his appearence with Vicky Guerrero in tow, standing there like some greedy girl who's eaten the last block of butter. It seems that Edge has convinced WWE management to bring her in as General Manager. It's not great, but it's better than the guest host bullshit. There's a bit of a microphone exchange. Vicky puts Orton in a handicap match, which is quite appropriate as he looks a bit simple.

Next we have a pretty mediocre match between Mini-Bulldog and Jericho for a chance for Jiz to have a title shot at Over the Limit. He wins, the match is pretty uneventful.

Now for the guest host, who enters with R Truth: the one and only Flava Flav (who's on plugging some reality show or something). For those not familiar with Flava Flav, he was basically the talentless one from Public Enemy who would wear the big clock and stupid hats and whose ability on the mic went as far as him saying 'yeah, boiiiieee'. He didn't disappoint. Flava Flav entered looking like he'd just stepped off of the set for the Don't Believe the Hype' video shoot. Stupid hat, big clock and 'yeah, boiiiieee'. Like the Bez of hip-hop, Flava Flav had exhausted all of his gimmicks. With the match between Regal and Truth it was only a matter of time before something heel happened. And boom! Not one, but two Virgils come in the ring end the match in the form of Carlito and Primo. Dibiase comes out onto the ramp and pays them for their Virgilious services.

Next there was Divas promo spot. Now, I think that the Divas thing is a joke. Just a bit of wank fodder for teenage boys. WWE don't make any effort to take women's wrestling seriously, so I don't take the Divas seriously. Sorry ladies. In a promo spot, Maryse is showing that she does have some genuine athletic ability by showing her training with a martial arts coach. Just check out the bitch slap she gives this guy, it must have smarted like crazy.



With a pointless match with Jack Rider out of the way, we move onto Tyson Kid versus the Miz, if the Miz lost he would have to defend his American Championship title against a member of the Hart Family of his choosing. The match was over in a few seconds with Tyson Kid getting a quick pin. Tyson Kid has the most stupid hair in the WW; I imagine that this is how Tin Tin would do his hair if he got a job as a rent boy. So Miz chose to defend his title against Bret Hart, presumably so Bret can leave the WWE with some dignity this time.

Next up was a match with the NXT 'rookies' facing a team of John Morrison, Goldust and a couple of jobbers whose names escape me. The match was pretty poor except for the fact the Brian Danielson got the pin meaning his first WWE victory was on Raw. It's about time he started getting some heat, he should be on Raw already, not on some bullshit let-down of a reality show.

We then cut to one of the most entertaining promos of the night, featuring none other than, Cannock's finest, William Regal. As a mic wrestler, Regal's still got it, it's just a shame that WWE see fit to put him in the role of jobber on Raw, teaming him up with the token Russian heel guy, Boris whatever. In the promo Regal essentially lets Flava Flav know what time it is (geddit? Flava Flav wears a clock, geddit?), by letting him know that he is a talentless fuck who rides on the coatails of the infinitely more talented Chuck D. Okay, maybe he didn't quite go that far, but it's still funny... and topical!



Next we see Mark Henry getting choked out by Batista in a match that didn't happen. I was glad to see Mark Henry being done over in such a way. Yeah, he might be the world's strongest man, but he can't wrestle for shit and he looks like a fat bastard.

Then we have the spaz match with Randolf, Edge and Dibiase. Again, the match is pretty dull and Orton wins. By the end of the match he attacks Vicky G with the RKO after she pleads and offers her resignation. What a bastard.



Thank fuck that screeching bint has been let go.

In summary: another episode of wrestling lite with some pretty funny promos. Still, it's better than Smackdown.

Bring on Sacrifice!

Review: WWE Raw, 3rd May

I'll admit it, I'm niave. I thought for some strange reason that the draft would shake up Raw and make into a great product. Instead, it was predictable and boring.

The night opened with number one contender Batista coming out to talk to the crowd about being number one contender (again), he talked some more, and some more. Sheamus came out and they talked... and talked some more.

It was announced that Batista would fight the Miz and Cena would fight Jericho in a time limit match. The one who pinned their opponent in the fastest time got to pick the stipulation of the championship match at the next PPV.

After what seemed like an eternity, the Miz came out to have his match with Batista, but instead of the Miz he decided to put in "rookie" Brian Danielson. Then Batista talked about more. Batista's boring enough as it is, without having to put up with 15 minutes of him talking shit (no kidding, and this is without adverts). I think Danielson is a great wrestler and although he jobbed for Batista he put on a decent match which was ruined to some extent by bad announcing, talking about him as he'd only been wrestling a few months. Batista then did a whole bunch of Batista Bombs on Danielson for some reason. 25 minutes in, 5 minutes of match time.

 

There was a backstage slot with Edge talking about how the WWE won't show any of his old promos or matches because he's Rated R and Raw is rated PG. He returned later in the night with the Cutting Edge which he promised would be controversial and rated R... it was neither.

Next we had a match between John Morrison and Ted Diabose coming in off the back of Diabose offering R Truth a job as the new Virgil. The match was a predictable set-up for Morrison as a face. The match ended within about a minute with Dibiose being counted out. Morrison took the mic and invited Dibiose back to the ring explaining that he didn't want his Raw debut to end like that and said that if he lost he would be the new Virgil. I think Dibiase should have walked back to the locker room at this point, making Morrison look like a prick. But as Morrison is blatently being pushed as the next Shawn Michaels, Dibiase gets back in the ring. The match was fantastic, easily on the level of a Kurt Angle main event; a match full of drama with both athletes pushing their bodies to the limit. The match ended with Morrison tapping out to a Million Dollar Dream and Morrison conceded defeat and agreed to become the new Virgil... oh wait, that didn't happen. Morrison predictably won in a mediocre 4 minute match. 40 minutes in, total 10 minutes of match time.

Next up we have Cena versus Jericho. Jericho wouldn't do the same thing as the Miz and bring his rookie Wade Bennett out for the match instead would he? Oh, he would... for fuck's sake. Again, after some dull mic work, Wade jobs for Cena with a tap-out in 4 minutes. 50 minutes in, total 14 minutes of match time. The Sheamus comes in a hits Cena; God this guys really starting to piss me off fella.

Then there was a match between Jack Rider and Mark Henry, does anyone really care about this one. Bad match with two awful wrestlers. 3 minutes wasted. 1 hours 3 minutes in, 17 minutes of match time.

Cut to a promo with the Miz and Jericho becoming a tag team and sitting on a tag match between the Hart Dynasty and that Russian jobber and William Regal. In an upset... there was no upset, Hart Dynasty won in under 4 minutes. With the Miz and Jericho on the announce table for the this, I was suprised at the end of the match when they confirmed their intention to form a tag team, and the beat on the Hart Dynasty. 1 hour 13 minutes in, 21 minutes of match time.



I figured that with the Miz and Jericho teaming up they should pick a name which is a combination of both of their names. I think Jiz is the only name that works.

So the finale of the night, the rated R, controversial talk show with Edge. It was a tame cheap pop mic spot with the guest host (can't remember his name, don't care) and then a bit with Randy Orton. Edge suggested reforming Rated RKO. Orton just stood there. Edge started calling Orton naughty names (but not that naughty). Orton just stood there, Edge went for a spear and Orton did an RKO. Randy Orton? Randy Boreton, more like. This was another dull 15 minute segment which didn't really go anywhere.

WWE Raw: 21 minutes of match time. This is wrestling?

Review: WWE Smackdown, 30th April, 2010.

With the Draft on Monday pulling most of Smackdown's talent towards Raw, I knew that this episode would be a precursor to what can only be the demise of Smackdown. Smackdown's always played second fiddle to Raw, but has always maintained a stable of decent stars. With the Draft sending Edge and Jericho to Raw and replacing them with the likes of Christian and Kofi Kingston (you know the one who is from West Africa and seems to be proud of his Jamaican heritage whilst speaking with an obviously American accent).

Apparently, Smackdown is to move from it usual channel in the US to SyFy, which is where WWE's bastardised version of ECW was until this year and where the biggest example of a missed opportunity resides in the NXT borefest. It's quite obvious that WWE are moving their biggest pulls over to Raw before Smackdown gets demoted further in October.

I thought that this week's show had a lot of potential, on paper anyway. After all, the stars who had been drafted to Raw are still on Smackdown until Monday, but the stars from Raw had already moved across. In this unique crossover event we saw great moments that will stand like lighthouses in the stomy waters of wrestling history... well, not quite.

Does anybody else remember when Jericho used to be good? I'm pretty sure he's been in the business a few years, won a few matches, earned a few belts... so why the fuck was he a jobber for Kofi Kingston? It seems he can hold his ground with someone like Edge in a steel cage, but can't beat a mediocre 'superstar' like Kingston?

The rest of the episode was equally dull, with Punk being interupted by MVP who wants to bring the party back to Smackdown. Big Show was throwing a few punches, knocking a few people out, as you do, and for some reason became number one contender for no real reason. Throughout the night we got to see little vignettes of Jack Swagger talking about how great he is - he went to university and was really good in scouts. I'm getting tired of this lispy, arrogant prick; I don't dislike him because he's a heel, I dislike him because he's a complete ball bag. I loved to see him get punched by Big Show, it made such a great noise, I hope it really hurt him.

 


The highlight of the night was seeing Edge and Christian back in the ring together. Unfortunately, there was no death defying leaps from ladders, just a nice old fashioned mic spot. Edge was saying how much he loves Smackdown and how much he loves the fans and how he doesn't want to go. All really emotional stuff, Edge is such a great guy. Then Christian comes out and accuses Edge of being a liar. Edge can't be a liar, he such a great guy (see above). In perhaps the least shocking turn in wrestling history, Edge admits to being a liar and hating everything that he just said he liked, "you didn't see that coming, did you?", he said pulling his best heel face... well actually, Edge, if that is your real name, we did see that coming and most fans have wanted you to go heel since your return. And the award for the least convinced heel turn 2010 goes to...





So, with Smackdown pretty much redundant and Raw looking in better shape, I'm hoping over the coming months that CM Punk, Undertaker and Brian Danielson go over and all of the rest of Smackdown roster drift into obscurity (that includes you Rey Mysterio).

- Socko