3:49 - Triple H in the opening match? What?
5:39 - shortest hardcore match ever.
7:43 - The greatest tag team in WWE history? The Dudleys are back?!
7:45 - Oh no, it's just a mediocre tag team with aspirations of adequacy.
12:45 - Why is Morrison being wasted as one of the first tag team in a tag gauntlet in the first proper match of the night? FFS. WWE needs a rip-off X-Division, they bury most of their best guys instead of elevating them.
16:03 - The commentary is truly awful.
19:45 - Why does anyone like MVP?
23:10 - Finally, a match I actually want to see - only took them the better part of half an hour. Way to go.
26:18 - 'Our fans in Europe, watching from places like the United Kingdom, Canada and Australia...'
43:39 - Match over. Nothing noteworthy occured.
45:19 - Strap match? Seriously? What fucking century are we in?
52:10 - Another match where nothing interesting happened.
53:00 - Attacking someone so they're injured and can't compete is a 'moral victory'? God, this commentary sucks.
58:29 - Here comes Orton - can't wait to see one of his sweet headlocks.
75:09 - Swagger beat Orton? Didn't expect that. One of the worst 'extreme' matches I've ever seen. Not worst I guess - just dullest.
80:51 - Shamus and Triple H are wearing almost exactly the same ring gear.
89:35 - I give up. I'm not watching the rest of this. They've had an hour and a half and not a single decent thing has happened.
- The Clown
Showing posts with label gonzo. Show all posts
Showing posts with label gonzo. Show all posts
Friday, 30 April 2010
Thursday, 29 April 2010
The Clown from Outta Town's review of Impact!
I invited an old friend of mine who got me into ECW about a decade ago to submit something to Socko's Review. He came up with a gonzo style review of the latest Impact! Introducing The Clown from Outta Town. Enjoy - Socko
5:07 - Woo, new ranking system. Just what pro wrestling needs - more maths!
6:48 - RVD's entrance music mentions the Van Terminator - when are we gonna see it?
7:50 - Haha, Hulky
15:07 - Oh God, please don't make Hogan vs Flair happen
15:20 - And by 'God', I mean 'TNA Management'.
19:20 - Knockouts - fast forwarding.
28:55 - Flair vs Abyss? Surely this'll be a bloodbath?
29:18 - Shanon Moore. I'm 90% sure Morgan will do a run-in.
33:50 - Whoomp, there it is.
35:00 - Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe
35:51 - FUCK YEAH MUSCLE BUSTER
39:14 - These out of focus monologues are starting to get annoying. And this is only the second one. I'm gonna be raging hard in a week or two.
44:54 - GET RID OF THE FUCKING NEWS TICKER
47:29 - Sting's vanished. Predicting lights out -> baseball bat -> win.
47:57 - Oh no, there he is.
48:32 - Ladder off the stage onto a table? Hardy, you're a madman. Also, the baseball bat has come into play, so I was only half wrong :)
49:00 - And the win. So I was only 1/3 wrong.
49:30 - FUCK OFF WITH THE BLURRY, CRAPPY CAMERA CRAP
50:57 - Sweet eyepatch.
54:49 - Pope is awesome. Anderson...not so much.
59:04 - Anderson is like the irritating kid in school that absolutely nobody likes, who for some reason insists on talking to absoloutely everybody. I wish he'd just go away.
60:15 - X-Pac's bleeding from the head all over the concrete. I have been waiting so long to see that. Thank you TNA!
60:22 - watched that 3 times. Hopefully, it's the last we ever see of him in TNA.
65:32 - Neal Vs Morgan. Feud of the century incoming, hold on to your hats, this is gonna get wild.
67:21 - Get out, Moore. We don't want you screwing up this five star feud with your presence.
67:55 - Woo, Maths! Spill the beans, Eric.
68:44 - Internet fans decide who the top ten wrestlers are. Rick Astley's title shot can't be far off.
70:51 - Flair v Abyss. Please, please, please make it no DQ.
70:55 - FUCKING BLURRY MONOLOGUES AGAIN. Loving the Flair subtitles though :)
74:20 - Am I the only one who finds it disturbing that Abyss wears Hogan's ring on his wedding finger??
75:25 - Wait, Abyss v Flair is the main event? What the shit?
79:17 - Holy christ, Flair's face! What the hell did Abyss hit him with??
80:33 - Flair, those brass knuckles are the wrong way round ffs.
82:25 - I really hope Abyss and Jay Lethal recreate the Megapowers.
- The Clown
5:07 - Woo, new ranking system. Just what pro wrestling needs - more maths!
6:48 - RVD's entrance music mentions the Van Terminator - when are we gonna see it?
7:50 - Haha, Hulky
15:07 - Oh God, please don't make Hogan vs Flair happen
15:20 - And by 'God', I mean 'TNA Management'.
19:20 - Knockouts - fast forwarding.
28:55 - Flair vs Abyss? Surely this'll be a bloodbath?
29:18 - Shanon Moore. I'm 90% sure Morgan will do a run-in.
33:50 - Whoomp, there it is.
35:00 - Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe
35:51 - FUCK YEAH MUSCLE BUSTER
39:14 - These out of focus monologues are starting to get annoying. And this is only the second one. I'm gonna be raging hard in a week or two.
44:54 - GET RID OF THE FUCKING NEWS TICKER
47:29 - Sting's vanished. Predicting lights out -> baseball bat -> win.
47:57 - Oh no, there he is.
48:32 - Ladder off the stage onto a table? Hardy, you're a madman. Also, the baseball bat has come into play, so I was only half wrong :)
49:00 - And the win. So I was only 1/3 wrong.
49:30 - FUCK OFF WITH THE BLURRY, CRAPPY CAMERA CRAP
50:57 - Sweet eyepatch.
54:49 - Pope is awesome. Anderson...not so much.
59:04 - Anderson is like the irritating kid in school that absolutely nobody likes, who for some reason insists on talking to absoloutely everybody. I wish he'd just go away.
60:15 - X-Pac's bleeding from the head all over the concrete. I have been waiting so long to see that. Thank you TNA!
60:22 - watched that 3 times. Hopefully, it's the last we ever see of him in TNA.
65:32 - Neal Vs Morgan. Feud of the century incoming, hold on to your hats, this is gonna get wild.
67:21 - Get out, Moore. We don't want you screwing up this five star feud with your presence.
67:55 - Woo, Maths! Spill the beans, Eric.
68:44 - Internet fans decide who the top ten wrestlers are. Rick Astley's title shot can't be far off.
70:51 - Flair v Abyss. Please, please, please make it no DQ.
70:55 - FUCKING BLURRY MONOLOGUES AGAIN. Loving the Flair subtitles though :)
74:20 - Am I the only one who finds it disturbing that Abyss wears Hogan's ring on his wedding finger??
75:25 - Wait, Abyss v Flair is the main event? What the shit?
79:17 - Holy christ, Flair's face! What the hell did Abyss hit him with??
80:33 - Flair, those brass knuckles are the wrong way round ffs.
82:25 - I really hope Abyss and Jay Lethal recreate the Megapowers.
- The Clown
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