The Clown from Outta Town - June 24th iMPACT

I can barely remember what happened on the last iMPACT, there's no storylines I actually give a fuck about. What I do know is, Angle ought to be wrestling Wolfe at the PPV according to his fighting-the-top-ten-one-by-one angle. I want to see this feud kick off tonight, and immediately get heated and nasty. And I want to see them start the show with an actual wrestling match. They managed it last week (basically), so they can do it this week too.

0:21 - Oh yeah, Abyss went mental, now I remember...it'll be 'Why, Sting Abyss, Why?' week for sure
1:11 - Fuck, here comes Hogan :( I was hoping for a match. iMPACTs that are Hogan/Bischoff heavy are usually shite...I can feel the interest draining from my body by the second.
3:00 - Oh shut up and get to the point, Hogan.
3:42 - Four way at the PPV. Will be shit.
4:27 - FUCK YEAH ABYSS FUCK HIM UP
4:39 - And with his old entrance music too :D
5:52 - Why, Sting Abyss, Why?
7:13 - I don't know who 'they' are...the last 'they' was Hall and Pac and we all know how that turned out, so I'm not hugely optimistic about what's gonna happen when 'they' get here.
8:46 - Abyss heel turn :) He's finally the Monster again, not the friendly fucking giant...
9:26 - Abyss feeding Hogan his own ring...weird but kinda hilarious
10:25 - Ugh, RVD always shows up when something good is about to happen and ruins it
13:05 - OH GREAT HOGAN TALKING TO BISCHOFF, THIS IS WAY BETTER THAN A WRESTLING MATCH
14:52 - Knockouts - not fast forwarding
20:05 - That was a lot worse than last week's match - shoulda fast forwarded
21:17 - I have no idea who Lethal is talking to - American celeb or something?
23:37 - I wanna see Joe run in and fuck this dude up
24:35 - Come on, Joe...Morgan's annoying me
26:10 - Joe didn't kill him :(
26:23 - Homicide is going to die
27:14 - Yup, dead
28:06 - Finally, a proper match...only took half an hour. Kaz v Lethal, could be awesome
32:13 - Oh, it was Lethal's brother earlier...now getting battered by Flair and AJ...looks like they're actually bothering to build a decent angle around the shitty match they have booked for the PPV...
33:12 - Nice reversal to that low blow :) This match is pretty decent for iMPACT
34:38 - Cool match, as usual for iMPACT was way too short, but what they did have was good
36:04 - FFS, Sting v Jarrett again...I hope there's another pre-match battering
37:05 - Damn, looks like he'll make it to the ring safe and sound
37:45 - Bet this match gets more than 5 minutes, unlike any other two wrestlers on the roster
39:05 - I'm sure this exact same shit happened like 2 months ago
40:22 - How the hell did Jarrett not see Sting, clearly standing in the corner of the ring? Still, new twist on 'Jarrett goes up to the rafters after Sting'
42:02 - Cool 'match', more of a promo really...and under 5 minutes too :) I hope the rest of the show is a 40 minute long triple threat match between Joe, Wolfe and Angle, though.
44:01 - IT BEGINS
45:13 - Why the fuck is Chelsea still with Wolfe? This angle is fucking stupid, she can just leave whenever she wants, she doesn't want to be there, so what's the point of her being there?
46:29 - Wait, so the #9 contenders match is on iMPACT with no fanfare whatsoever? WHAT THE FUCK TNA, this should be the biggest match on your fucking PPV, WHAT THE CHRIST ARE YOU DOING? I can only assume that Wolfe will win by DQ or something to kick-start the feud, this cannot be the whole thing.
46:50 - And the commentators are more interested in Abyss than the fucking match...I feel like I'm taking crazy pills over here
49:45 - Wolfe's clearly got something in his elbow pad...not sure if it's a weapon or if he's gonna blade
53:57 - Ok, that was pretty good...but I can't believe that's the whole thing. Bullshit. I was looking forward to possibly feud of the year, and it's a one-shot throwaway match on iMPACT with no drama and no reason to care whatsoever.
56:52 - Doug's on the mic and I'm too pissed off about Angle v Wolfe to even care :( Sorry, Doug.
60:28 - Ultimate X and I don't even care :(
61:05 - Abyss promo, and I don't even care :(
62:38 - Shannon fighting Bubba, and I don't even care :(
63:34 - Tag Team semi finals match and I don't even care :(
65:57 - Tommy Dreamer, and I don't even care. I don't care about Raven either. I have to admit, however, that Stevie Richards' presence raises my spirits slightly.
67:05 - Jesse finally shows up :)
66:51 - How much cooler would it have been if TNA had hired Bryan Danielson instead of Dreamer, Raven and Richards?
70:00 - Beer Money get a title shot, and I don't even care :(
71:10 - AJ talking to Kaz and I really don't care.
72:07 - Shitty main event coming up, and I don't even care :( Abyss is going to have to actually decapitate Anderson to get me interested in this, I think.
81:28 - Match over, nothing decent happened - or maybe I was just too pissed off to enjoy it...either way, I was yawning through most of it
83:52 - Exact same ending two weeks in a row.

Wasn't a bad iMPACT, but the way they dealt with Angle v Wolfe was bullshit. When they had their poll, the fans overwhelmingly voted for Wolfe, so clearly this could have been built up into a massive PPV match, but instead it just happened and was over with no build up or anything. Such a fucking waste that the rest of the show was ruined.

TNA have given me no reason to tune in next week at all. There's no ongoing feuds that I actually care about that were advanced in any way this week, all of the matches were short and below TNA's pre-Hogan standards, they're pissing all of their talent up a wall and putting people that nobody gives a fuck about (according to TNA's own poll) main event spots ahead of popular wrestlers that people want to see. In fact, the only decent thing TNA are doing right now in my eyes are the Angle angle (so far it's been good overall, even if this week's development was a piece of shit), the tension in 3D because of Bubba's attacks on Jesse, and Jay Lethal finally getting some airtime. Everything else could have been edited out, and nothing of value would have been lost.

And Joe's still AWOL with no explanation.

Greatest Moves Ever! Koko B. Ware: GhostBuster

If you were born in the 80s you were probably a fan of the Ghostbusters film. You probably watched 'the Real Ghostbusters' cartoon. You may have had the Ghostbusters game on your Atari 2600. 80s nostalgia, Sinclair C5's, Duran Duran, Soda Streams, Corey Feldman... the 80s! Wooo! People dressed funny and popular culture was different. Anyway, getting sidetracked.

My next nomination for the greatest move ever is Koko B. Ware's finisher, the Ghostbuster. Imagine a suplex gone wrong... this is the move. Koko takes his victim up to a vertical suplex and then... check the video at around 3mins 50secs:



Ouch!

Worst Matches Ever! WCW: Chamber of Horrors, Halloween Havoc, 1991

I haven't done one of these for a while, but I just couldn't resist this one. Before Hell in a Cell, before Lethal Lockdown, we had the Chamber of Horrors. The basic idea is that two four-man teams enter the cage and to win the match you have to put one of your opponents in an electric chair which is lowered from the ceiling. This 'Chair of Torture' is activated by a 'Fatal Lever', which gets accidently pushed (nothing happens) and nothing is made of it. The match consisted of Sting's Team Vs Cactus Jack's Team. Sting's Team consisted of Sting, El Gigante, Rick and Scott Steiner. Cactus Jack's Team consisted of Cactus Jack, Abdullah the Butcher, The Diamond Stud, and Big Van Vader.

With caskets, ref cams and a cage with a roof, this match could be seen as quite innovative... unfortunately it was just daft.

I'll let the match do the talking. Enjoy!







What the fuck was El Gigante about?

Greatest Promos Ever! "Oldest ride, longest line..."

This has to be the funniest promo in TNA history, I nearly wet my pants I was laughing so much. Nature Boy Jay Lethal and Flair in a war of words, it doesn't come any better than this!

Watch it once, then play it back with your eyes closed, the impression really is quite uncanny.





Fortune is a shite name for a stable though...

Greatest Promos Ever! "Assholes..."

The birth of Anderson's Assholes has to get the nomination for on of best promo of the year thus far. This was on the cusp of Anderson's face turn at Sacrifice, I alluded to it in my original review, but could not get hold of a video, so here it is:

Greatest Matches Ever! WWF The Rock versus Mankind, Royal Rumble 1999

I was discussing the recent 'I Quit' match at WWE's Over the Limit with Ric Flair's Bleeding Forehead earlier today and we both came to conclusion that it was not a great 'I Quit' match and made both Batista and Cena look like pussies.

If anyone has ever seen Beyond the Mat, you will be familiar with how far Foley pushed his body in this match, and what a match it was.

Damn, this is what an 'I Quit; match should be like, this is what a good crowd sounds like and this is what Jerry Lawler should sound like.

WWE has waned in popularity in reent years as they have toned down the violence and adult themes of the show, meanwhile, older fans have turned to MMA (UFC 111 had more buys than Wrestlemania 26 which were shown on the same weekend). The fact is that there aren't that many people over the age of 25 who are convinced by Cena, and damn it, they want to see violence. Anyway, lets take a look at this great match between the Rock and Mankind, and then compare with Cena versus Batista....

Greatest Promos Ever!: "Oh! Speak English already..."

I was thinking the other day about how great Abdul Bashir was in TNA. Positioned primarily as the generic Arab heel, his promos and in-ring ability were completely underrated.

His promos made for uncorfortable and confrontational viewing, in which Bashir tried to challenge some of the fans' learnt assumptions... only to be drowned out by jingoistic chants of "USA USA USA". What made Bashir so interesting was by the fact that he did not profess to hate America, but hate the way in which Muslims were portrayed since 9/11. Arguably, he trod a fine line where one could argue that though he was raising some interesting points relating to the perception of Muslims with in the US, the ambivalent nature of Bashir's character only served to confound the issues.

At points he comes across as articulate and politically aware, but a moment later will resemble a rambling extremist. But I was drawn to this character primarily because of the ambivilence and inconsistancy.

I loved it when he'd go up against someone likfe Consequences Creed (with his Stars and Stripes trunks and cape) and perform moves like his 'Weapon of Mass Destruction'. Anyway, enjoy:




Oh, Mike...