TNA Victory Road - predictions revisited...

This was not a good PPV, there were some decent enough matches, but with some terrible booking and quite a few stupid endings, this made for frustrating viewing. Anyway, let's see how I did:

WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE
Jeff Hardy vs. (c) Sting


"Hardy will get the strap back and the match will be Sting by numbers... pretty sure Hardy will go through the motions. Mediocre match to be expected."


Sting retained in a main event that was about a minute and a glaf long. This was bullshit and I really feel sorry for US fans who had to pay to watch this. A bit of advice for TNA: DON'T GIVE YOUR TOP BELT TO A GUY WHO CAN NO LONGER MOVE. There was beautiful WCW moment when Sting was leaving when a fan shouted "that was bullshit" and Sting shrugged and said: "I agree".

Match rating: *

FIRST BLOOD MATCH
Hernandez vs. Matt Morgan

"Is this feud still going on? Can't wait to see this! Flip a coin: Morgan. Another mediocre match."

Mediocre would have been much better than this bag of shit. The match was rubbish all the wat through until a "fan" ran in and beat up the ref, the "fan" then left a bottle of red food colouring for Hernadez to throw on Morgan... so fucking stupid.

Match rating: *

#1 CONTENDER MATCH
Mr. Anderson vs. Rob Van Dam

"See Hardy vs Sting, but replace the names with RVD and Anderson... RVD to win."

My God, this match was terrible. It didn't go anywhere, they fucked up about a dozen times and they both looked like they were about to laugh. I can't emphasise enough how bad this was... then we get to the ending: a double countout. At this point half of the crowd were chanting: "Restart the match!" whilst the rest of the crowd were shouting "No!" in response - they knew they had seen a bad match.


Matt Hardy vs. AJ Styles

"This match has potential, but I don't hold out much hope for it in all honesty. If Matt's on form they should be able to pull something decent out their ass. AJ to win."

This was a very good match, Matt Hardy worked like he was actually on a PPV. This was easily the best match of the night, even though it wasn't a great match by any means. AJ won with a Spiral Tap... AJ's not done that one for an age.

Match rating: ***1/2

ULTIMATE X MATCH FOR THE X TITLE
Jeremy Buck vs. Max Buck vs. (c) Kazarian vs. Robbie E

"Love Ultimate X, don't see wwhy Robbie E gets another title shot after losing his last two. Would have been better if Lethal, Suicide or Amazing Red we in this... Kaz to win."

This was a pretty decent match, but compared with a lot of other Ultimate X matches, it's not one of the best. Kaz was great in this one and ended up getting the win by walking on the ropes to get the belt... and Kaz retained so that's good. Look out for Robbie E's title shot next week on Impact (wins and losses really don't matter in TNA).

Match rating: **1/2

TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP
Ink Inc vs. (c) Beer Money

"This might be the match of the night. Beer Money to win"

It wasn't the match of the night, but it was a good mathc. Not up to Beer Money's usual standard, but still pretty decent.

Match rating: ***

CHALLENGE MATCH
Bully Ray vs. Tommy Dreamer

"I'm sure Tommy will do something stupid and get really hurt in this. Bubba to win."

This was like every hardcore match I've ever seen... and for some reason there was sex doll that came into play. The match ended with Dreamer getting the win (though only once Devon got involved and Bubba got 3Ded through a table. Just a quick note: YOU DO NOT GET A ROPE BREAK IN A FALLS COUNT ANYWHERE MATCH.

Match rating: *

KNOCKOUTS TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP
Sarita & Rosita vs. (c) Angelina Love & Winter

"Angelina Love is getting skinnier and skinnier, she's lile two tits pinned onto a stick... it's not a nice look. Winter on the other hand would definitely get it.

X-ita to win."

I was right on the result, and boy was this a bad bad match, even in terms of bad women's matches, this was fucking horrible. The ending was confusing and stupid. There was a spot where Winter got Rosita rolled up, there was some interference and Rosita got Winter rolled up. The ref was out of position, so for about 10 seconds they were frozen in position waiting for the count. Considering that Winter's legs are almost as long a Rosita, I'm not conviced that a skinny little 4'11" thing could seriously hold Winter down for that long.

Match rating: *

There were far too many terrible matches on this PPV. If I had paided for this PPV I would demand my money back. I'm looking forward to Raw.

Random thoughts about WWE

WWE has been great since the Rumble... The Rock is back, and he's putting out some great promos... Cena's last promo, his knockout blow... ahem... I liked it how Cena wants to ejaculate on the neck and upper chest of the Rock... I'm looking forward to Cena's Orlando Jordan 'gay rapist' gimmick to emerge. JOHN CENA WANTS TO EJACULATE ON THE NECK AND UPPER CHEST OF THE ROCK - I hope they write that on Cena's fucking tombstone... (segway alert) ...and speaking of tombstones, the Undertaker/HHH mania thing seems a bit dumb... I'm pretty sure Trip lost to Taker at Wrestlemania before (17?) but they are making out like they've never even had a match before. Triple H really does have the best job ever... (segway alert) ...and speaking of jobbing, I really don't like the way they are turning the American Dragon Bryan Danielson into a jobber (job/jobber, that was the link, I could write shit for local news with this level of quality journalism)... (segway alert)... and speaking of journalism, I've warmed to Michael Cole, as a 'broadcast journalist' I can take him or leave him... as a lamerntable little heel prick he's fucking awesome... I really want to see Jerry Lawler kick this guy's ass, and THAT is how a wrestling feud should work... Punk needs to turn babyface... maybe we'll get a double turn at Mania? ...and the Miz continues to look like a geek... I hope someone lays the Smackdown on him (I'll stop with the bad segways now)...
Smackdown is also getting better with the Mysterio/Rhodes feud actually being quite engaging (the reasons for this seem to be that, structurally speaking, the feud has been lifted from the Generico/Steen feud on ROH last year... but most of the WWE 'Universe' won't realise that).
Alberto Del Rio is fucking awesome, I hope he breaks Edge's face off at WM... I wish there was an audio option to get rid of Booker T's commentary, though... and hopefully Vicky G will fuck off for good so she can sag further towards the earth's core looking like some melted version of a really ugly sex doll.

Dr Socko, PhD

TNA Victory Road - predictions

As rightly pointed out by Clown, WWE is on fire at the minute, although the suggestion that John Cena would like to give the Rock a pearl necklace is somewhat disturbing. On the other end f the spectrum, we have out latest TNA PPV - the card doesn't inspire confidence.

WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE
Jeff Hardy vs. (c) Sting

Hardy will get the strap back and the match will be Sting by numbers... pretty sure Hardy will go through the motions. Mediocre match to be expected.

FIRST BLOOD MATCH
Hernandez vs. Matt Morgan

Is this feud still going on? Can't wait to see this! Flip a coin: Morgan. Another mediocre match.

#1 CONTENDER MATCH
Mr. Anderson vs. Rob Van Dam

See Hardy vs Sting, but replace the names with RVD and Anderson... RVD to win.

Matt Hardy vs. AJ Styles

This match has potential, but I don't hold out much hope for it in all honesty. If Matt's on form they should be able to pull something decent out their ass. AJ to win.

ULTIMATE X MATCH FOR THE X TITLE
Jeremy Buck vs. Max Buck vs. (c) Kazarian vs. Robbie E

Love Ultimate X, don't see wwhy Robbie E gets another title shot after losing his last two. Would have been better if Lethal, Suicide or Amazing Red we in this... Kaz to win.

TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP
Ink Inc vs. (c) Beer Money

This might be the match of the night. Beer Money to win

CHALLENGE MATCH
Bully Ray vs. Tommy Dreamer

I'm sure Tommy will do something stupid and get really hurt in this. Bubba to win.

KNOCKOUTS TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP
Sarita & Rosita vs. (c) Angelina Love & Winter

Angelina Love is getting skinnier and skinnier, she's lile two tits pinned onto a stick... it's not a nice look. Winter on the other hand would definitely get it.

X-ita to win.

Plus, The Jarretts go on their honeymoon after renewing their vows!

This will be great... maybe not.

That Clown from Outta Town - RAW, Feb 28th & March 3rd

Ok, so this is a couple of weeks old now, but I just found out The Rock is back. That makes WWE worth watching, imo. Also, TNA has gone back to being shit, so I'm going to go back to not watching it.

LETS DO THIS

0:11 - The WWE intro still reminds me of botchamania
0:33 - HHH is back again...I am so jealous of that guy, he can come and go as he pleases and get whatever belt he wants basically on command...if my boss' daughter wasn't 8, I'd consider getting that kind of sweet deal myself
2:10 - Triple H is blatantly going to end Taker's streak...
10:57 - I really don't understand why Trip and Seamus are brawling...He just cut a 10 minute promo on Taker, now he's fighting a totally different guy? Might make more sense if I watched every week to be fair...
16:49 - Sweet, Evan Bourne :) I remember him being awesome
23:35 - Lawler v Cole, feud of the year
28:41 - Austin's back next week...Austin and Rock together again, fucking awesome
29:48 - Cole is much better as a fucking mental commentator than he ever was as a straight-up commentator
32:40 - Just watching Orton's promo...I'm not sure when it happened, but WWE is actually way better at promos than TNA now, and that includes the ones with no Bischoff
44:19 - Miz as champ...I feel like I ought to be pissed off about it, but I don't really give a fuck
51:50 - Cena commenting on Miz's mic skills? He's terrible. The Rock fucking owned him two weeks ago, and is gonna do the same tonight...
54:47 - Cena talking is actually the worst part of the show so far
60:29 - Divas battle royale...fast forwarding
64:44 - Does Cena actually think he's rapping, and not just reciting bad poetry?
69:19 - Fucking cracking up, Rock is awesome
75:28 - The Rock is fucking amazing...nobody wrestling today is even close to him on the mic, fucking hell
79:16 - Danielson :D
80:01 - Being owned by Miz :(
81:20 - No idea what that was all about
87:40 - Miz taking a picture of Cena was actually pretty funny
95:20 - Not the greatest main event...

Pretty good show actually...although The Rock was clearly the best bit.

Fuck it, that was so good I'm gonna watch this week's back-to-back...Bring on Austin :D

1:44 - Wow, I like Taker's new music
9:26 - Cena's going to respond to The Rock...I hope he steps his game up, his last response was just embarrassing
17:13 - Punk v Orton should be pretty decent
20:06 - Christian made it to RAW? Cool :)
26:18 - Del Rio's cross arm breaker is awesome
32:20 - Divas, fast forwarding...I heard Kong was coming to WWE, will not be fast forwarding that...
36:44 - Cole standing on the announce table and interrupting the match is hilarious
37:22 - Ok, fast forwarding again
38:39 - Cole v King...best feud since King v Kaufman
38:57 - Oh for fucks sake Jersey fucking Shore again...stop putting this shit in wrestling, seriously
43:03 - JBL is back...I heard a story that one time, he got in an argument with Joey Styles, and Styles knocked him the fuck out with a single punch...I don't know if it's true, but I choose to believe it is
48:22 - FUCK YEAH AUSTIN
55:50 - TNA doesn't even come close to this
56:42 - Looks like it's time for Cena's response...he really needs to step his game up, he's like the main guy in WWE and Rock's making him look like a complete amateur
56:58 - Nope, more Cole
58:42 - Danielson :D Hope he makes it to the ring this week
59:16 - Sheamus...I hope Danielson ruins him
60:36 - Why is he so pale? Did he get a full-body tattoo with white ink or something?
61:36 - Damn was that for real? Looked like Sheamus might have actually fucked his ankle. I wanted Danielson to win, but not like that :(
63:00 - Just put his career on the line next week, I'm gonna say his ankle's fine
63:32 - CM Punk :D
63:45 - Punk v R Truth...this could be pretty good, unless Orton goes mental or something
67:40 - Pretty short match :(
71:33 - Ugh, Vicky Guererro
72:32 - She's lost all that weight, and actually looks worse
72:49 - I really want Austin to come out here and stunner her fucking head off...or maybe just her voicebox
73:11 - Ziggler's coming to RAW :)
74:11 - John Morrison :)
77:18 - That was way too easy...
79:19 - Trish Stratus is back too? Awesome
81:07 - Josh Matthews isn't too bad as a commentator...compared to the other people they've had since JR left.
83:47 - OK, Cena time...
84:14 - I can't wait to see this promo, because I want to see how a guy responds to what happened last week...this is what wrestling is supposed to be...this is what TNA is missing. I watch TNA because I hope it's not shite for the sake of the good wrestlers there. I don't give a fuck about the storylines or the promos, I just want to see the guys I like get decent matches.
86:44 - 2 weeks ago, Cena was a bad rapper. This week, he's a bad stand-up comedian. WHEN IS HE GOING TO DO A PROMO AS A FUCKING WRESTLER FOR FUCKS SAKE
88:15 - He's gonna rap again? For fucks sake, you looked like a fucking clown the first time, doing that shit again is even worse
90:57 - Ok, the T-shirt is pretty funny
96:06 - Fucking hell, even The Miz is better than Cena on the mic...I finally realise why so many people hate him. They always say he's a shit wrestler, but he's decent - it's his mic work that's shite.

2 RAWs back to back and I can't wait till the next one...I can't think of a situation where I'd voluntarily watch 2 iMPACTs without a 'sanity break' in-between.

It's really refreshing to look forward to a wrestling show because you care about an angle and want to see what happens next. Instead of dreading watching it in case it's completely shit, as it so often is (I'm looking at you, TNA).

Mania's shaping up pretty well this year, Punk v Orton should be good, and HHH v Taker should be awesome. Not too fussed about Cena v Miz, though. Looking forward to Austin killing Michael Cole. Anyway, should be better than last year's...

That Clown from Outta Town - iMPACT, March 10

Just found out The Rock is back in WWE - I'm totally jumping ship from TNA to see his run. This week's iMPACT was already downloaded though, so

HERE

WE

GO

00:29 - Rudos? Some kind of Mexican invasion? Sounds cool
01:23 - Why yes, I would much rather see highlights of last week's iMPACT than new material - thanks, TNA
04:34 - Why yes, I would much rather listen to Hogan and Bischoof than Sting - thanks, TNA
08:34 - Why yes, this promo would be improved by Mr Anderson spouting the same old catchphrases - thanks, TNA
11:41 - Why yes, yet another WWE reject would make this abortion of a promo the highlight of the fucking show - thanks, TNA
12:55 - Ok, I can't even be sarcastic any more - what the fuck is this shit? Sting, Hogan, Bischoff, Mr Anderson, Jeff Hardy and now fucking RVD yapping on and fucking on about the shitty, Jeff Hardy-themed, heavyweight belt...FUUUUCCCCKKKK
15:38 - 15 minutes to set up for a tag match...I'm willing to bet real money that the match is shorter than 15 minutes
17:15 FUCK YES SAMOA FUCKING JOE FINALLY TNA DO SOMETHING RIGHT FUCK YEAH
18:11 - Last time these guys were on the show, Dinero got put through a pig...I hope something that good happens this week
22:09 - Pope wins with a chain - fuck you, TNA
23:43 - Knockouts - fast forwarding, mainly because of Jersey Shore crap
24:18 - Oh wait, it's the open challenge...watching
25:04 - Madison is terrible on the mic
25:31 - Roxxi...not as cool as ODB
27:44 - Post match beatdown broken up by a Diva reject
28:28 - Bubba v Dreamer in a parking lot brawl...this is gonna be a lot less hardcore than it should be
31:01 - It turned out to be Devon...I wonder what someone channel flipping would think they were watching during that whole thing
33:13 - Knockouts with Jersey Shore bollocks...fast forwarding
38:28 - Ric Flair & Matt Hardy v AJ in a street fight...sounds dire

Speaking of which, TNA are doing a new line of action figures...Matt Hardy's is pretty cool

47:51 - Matt Hardy is about as good on the mic as Madison...who the fuck let him talk?
48:18 - "...what I've became" Maybe the reason that you failed as a wrestler isn't 'the system', it's the fact you can't fucking speak English properly?
56:48 - Gen Me :D
57:15 - ...jobbing to Ink inc.
57:56 - Oh wait, 3-way tag match?
58:08 - Nope, they're dressed to talk...
58:30 - Ah, guest commentators
1:02:37 - Midair spear...awesome move by Jesse
1:10:47 - They're going to put fucking Robbie E in a fucking Ultimate X match? FFS TNA, you are awful
1:12:17 - The PPV looks a bit shit
1:22:37 - The main event is a complete fucking mess

That was shit...WWE it is, then.

That Clown from Outta Town - March 3rd iMPACT

Moment of truth...either TNA's gonna get rid of the Bisch, or I'm gonna be one pissed off Clown.

The card looks awful, there's Jersey Shore bollocks, and the nonsense wedding thing too...plus from Socko's post it looks like there's no good matches. Still, if it means Bischoff and Hogan might be fucking off, It's worth a watch.

I'm nervous in case it all goes tits-up.

LET'S DO THIS

0:08 - Starting with Dixie...makes a change from The Bisch...please be good news.
1:53 - Starting with the court ruling? That's the fucking main event, what the fuck is this shit
2:10 - That's that then...TNA's gonna continue being utter shit
5:38 - This is shite
9:07 - This is boring...tempted to fast forward
10:54 - Now Fortune's getting in on it...
15:56 - Brawling backstage...every fucking week
19:07 - Tag titles as the first match...FFS TNA. Why are fucking jobbers getting fucking title shots?
21:32 - WHAT DO YOU MEAN 'FRESH'? THEY'VE ONLY BEEN WRESTLING FOR 90 SECS EVERYONE IS FUCKING FRESH FFS
23:10 - THREE FUCKING MINUTE FUCKING TITLE MATCH WHAT IN CHRISTS NAME ARE YOU FUCKING DOING
23:39 - Jesse Neal :D
24:38 - Jesse's getting a title shot :)
25:41 - 10 foot wedding cake? Someone is definitely going through that motherfucker
27:01 - "Will this be the first wedding in pro wrestling history to go off without a hitch? We'll see..."
27:35 - Knockouts...could be Velvet's last match though, so I'll watch. Getting rid of her would be a mistake, so they'll probably do it.
30:21 - Another two minute match
30:35 - Another post match interruption...did they just cut and paste the script from earlier or something?
31:41 - Waste of fucking screen time
32:50 - Second brawl
34:12 - This is hard going...I'm not sure I can watch the whole thing
37:37 - Angle's taping his fists, ready for the wedding...as you do.
39:19 - THAT IS NOT A 10 FOOT CAKE...It's like 6 feet, including the table it's on...and the little columns holding up each tier. IT'S A REGULAR 4 TIER WEDDING CAKE. DO YOU REALISE HOW MANY LAME PORTAL JOKES PEOPLE ARE GOING TO MAKE ABOUT THIS SHIT, TNA, YOU CUNTS
39:42 - Eric Young has a belt?? What belt is it? I have no idea.
40:37 - Haha, Angle attacked Jarrett before he was even halfway down the entrance ramp
40:38 - 40 minutes in, 3rd brawl. Fuck this shit.
41:33 - Do TNA really believe this is entertainment? Like, really?
41:52 - Karen got caked...not worth the 2 months build-up tbh.
43:48 - Do the ratings really go up when Hardy wrestles? I doubt it tbh...I should check that out sometime
46:21 - Rob Terry? Again? Why are thy wasting time on this shit? Although, considering the other stuff they think is worth broadcasting, he isn't actually that bad.
51:40 - That was the best 5 minutes of the show so far...Steiner basically dominated him, lots of mean looking suplexes, then choked/reclinered him out...
54:30 - Hernandez v Morgan...I really wish they'd reform LAX, they were fucking awesome heels...Hernandez on his own isn't the same. Although, it's only been like 3 weeks so he might grow into it.
57:02 - Morgan's destroying him
60:13 - DQ from hitting his head into the ring steps? WTF TNA
63:08 - OH MY FUCK THEY'RE ACTUALLY DOING THE FUCKING WEDDING AGAIN
64:30 - I feel sorry for Eric and Orlando...it clearly wasn't funny the first time, but they make them go out and do it again...GIVE THEM A FUCKING MATCH INSTEAD OF THIS BULLSHIT WEDDING BULLSHIT
66:19 - Wait, Angle's actually giving her away now? WHAT IN THE NAME OF CHRIST IS GOING ON??
76:12: Total Nonstop Action = 15 mins of action, 15 mins of bullshit wedding, rest of the show is talking
76:34 - Here comes the 3rd lame celebrity of the night
78:36 - The whole 'The Network' angle is a rip off from ECW, except there it actually made sense because ECW's station was actually trying to censor/tone down the show - the fictional 'Network' was a stab at the actual TV channel that aired the show and the bullshit they caused. Here, they're just pulling it out of their arse and it's fucking stupid
81:46 - TNA's attempts at a dramatic entrance look so amateur compared to WWE.
82:15 - I have never been so happy to see Sting in all my life
82:33 - Before Hogan and Bischoff, I used to dislike all the 'veteran' wrestlers like Sting, Nash, Steiner, because they took TV time away from the younger, more talented wrestlers trying to make a name. Now, I like them because despite their age they are much, much better wrestlers than the current main dudes.
84:11 - LETS GO STING LETS GO STING LETS GO STING
90:06 - Hardy kicking out of certain death :(
90:36 - TOP ROPE SCORPION DEATH DROP FUCK YEAH GOTTA BE A NEW CHAMP FUCK YEAH
90:58 - FUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCKKKKKKKK YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS NEW FUCKING CHAMP AND IT'S NOT A FUCKING WWE REJECT FUCKING AWESOME

Pretty shit iMPACT, but it made up for it right at the end...I was gonna stop watching if Hogan and Bischoff stayed, but I think I'll stay for Sting's title run tbh.

Best match was Steiner v Rob Terry, which is pretty fucking incredible when you think about it.

2 weeks, no Joe. WHAT THE FUCK TNA...HOW DO GUNNER AND MURPHY, ROB TERRY AND FUCKING MORGAN v HERNANDEZ AGAIN GET AIR TIME BUT JOE DOESN'T WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU

Also, I heard Shark Boy quit TNA...sucks. Didn't even get a farewell match or anything.

TNA - 3/3/11 - predictions

As TNA seem to be building up to an important Impact rather than PPVs, I thought I'd do my predictions for this one. Doing a quick Google search for the card, it looks like its already been taped... I'm not one of these smark fans who needs to read spoilers, so rest assured, I'm as much in the dark about the results as the average Joe. I'll admit that the match line-up is suprising... but not in a good way. Let's do this!

TNA World Tag Team Championship Match:
Beer Money vs. Gunner and Murphy

I can't believe this is a real match. How can a couple of jobbers become contenders? With the matches last summer between Beer Money and the Guns, the tag belts felt like they meant something, doing a match like this is just meaningless. If G and M win I might be done with TNA. Please be Beer Money.


Sarita vs. Velvet Sky

I've noticed that the more Velvet wrestles, the worse she gets... not sure how this is possible, maybe her plastic fun bags are slowly poisoning her brain or somethig. Velvet will win though.

Scott Steiner vs. Rob Terry

Who booked this one? Really, this might be the worst match ever. Scott Steiner is good on the mic, and is good in an enforcer type role, but he's not a great worker anymore... Rob Terroid is still shit. Hope Steiner wins though.

Matt Morgan vs. Hernandez

I thought this feud was resolved months ago? It's not going to be very good and I'm sure Hernandez will win.

TNA World Championship Match:

Jeff Hardy vs. Sting

No need for this match, at all. Sting to win, but it's going to be bad. I'm pretty sure that Sting can hardly move anymore, and Hardy's matches have been as sloppy as a diseased vagina as of late...

On the whole, there is nothing I could give a shit about in this one, and this is what has been building to for a few weeks. This will be the Impact with the wedding that's not really a wedding, and I'm not looking forward to seeing the car-crash that it will be... I predict Karen will get slmmed into the wedding cake.