This week's Raw was a lot more entertaining than it has been of late, but the in-ring stuff, on the whole, still falls into the bracket of what I've been calling 'wrestling-lite'.
Raw opened with ol' snake eyes Randy Orton calling Edge out for a mic wrestle... But wait, that's not Edge's music, that's a Meatloaf song. So Meatloaf came out out to plug his new album, which no one under the age of 45 is likely to buy (it has a song written by Bon Jovi on it, hell yeah!). It's weird, when Meatloaf's not singing, the guy can be pretty entertaining. He was in the ring dancing round Orton trying to get Orton to have one of his songs as his theme song. Orton just stood there. Meatloaf then started singing in Orton's face. Orton just stood there. Meatloaf continues to piss Orton off. Orton's so wooden he makes Mokujin from Tekken seem like a viable alternative for spooning at bed time. The wooden man starts to move; it's a bit like that uncanny moment in the Wizard of Oz when Dorothy realises that the scarecrow is alive. Orton then goes for his trademark RKO. With Orton's relationship with guest hosts, RKOing them at every opportunity, you can't help but think that Orton is a poor man's Stone Cold and the RKO is a cheap facsimile of the Stunner.
With Meatloaf out cold, Edge makes his appearence with Vicky Guerrero in tow, standing there like some greedy girl who's eaten the last block of butter. It seems that Edge has convinced WWE management to bring her in as General Manager. It's not great, but it's better than the guest host bullshit. There's a bit of a microphone exchange. Vicky puts Orton in a handicap match, which is quite appropriate as he looks a bit simple.
Next we have a pretty mediocre match between Mini-Bulldog and Jericho for a chance for Jiz to have a title shot at Over the Limit. He wins, the match is pretty uneventful.
Now for the guest host, who enters with R Truth: the one and only Flava Flav (who's on plugging some reality show or something). For those not familiar with Flava Flav, he was basically the talentless one from Public Enemy who would wear the big clock and stupid hats and whose ability on the mic went as far as him saying 'yeah, boiiiieee'. He didn't disappoint. Flava Flav entered looking like he'd just stepped off of the set for the Don't Believe the Hype' video shoot. Stupid hat, big clock and 'yeah, boiiiieee'. Like the Bez of hip-hop, Flava Flav had exhausted all of his gimmicks. With the match between Regal and Truth it was only a matter of time before something heel happened. And boom! Not one, but two Virgils come in the ring end the match in the form of Carlito and Primo. Dibiase comes out onto the ramp and pays them for their Virgilious services.
Next there was Divas promo spot. Now, I think that the Divas thing is a joke. Just a bit of wank fodder for teenage boys. WWE don't make any effort to take women's wrestling seriously, so I don't take the Divas seriously. Sorry ladies. In a promo spot, Maryse is showing that she does have some genuine athletic ability by showing her training with a martial arts coach. Just check out the bitch slap she gives this guy, it must have smarted like crazy.
With a pointless match with Jack Rider out of the way, we move onto Tyson Kid versus the Miz, if the Miz lost he would have to defend his American Championship title against a member of the Hart Family of his choosing. The match was over in a few seconds with Tyson Kid getting a quick pin. Tyson Kid has the most stupid hair in the WW; I imagine that this is how Tin Tin would do his hair if he got a job as a rent boy. So Miz chose to defend his title against Bret Hart, presumably so Bret can leave the WWE with some dignity this time.
Next up was a match with the NXT 'rookies' facing a team of John Morrison, Goldust and a couple of jobbers whose names escape me. The match was pretty poor except for the fact the Brian Danielson got the pin meaning his first WWE victory was on Raw. It's about time he started getting some heat, he should be on Raw already, not on some bullshit let-down of a reality show.
We then cut to one of the most entertaining promos of the night, featuring none other than, Cannock's finest, William Regal. As a mic wrestler, Regal's still got it, it's just a shame that WWE see fit to put him in the role of jobber on Raw, teaming him up with the token Russian heel guy, Boris whatever. In the promo Regal essentially lets Flava Flav know what time it is (geddit? Flava Flav wears a clock, geddit?), by letting him know that he is a talentless fuck who rides on the coatails of the infinitely more talented Chuck D. Okay, maybe he didn't quite go that far, but it's still funny... and topical!
Next we see Mark Henry getting choked out by Batista in a match that didn't happen. I was glad to see Mark Henry being done over in such a way. Yeah, he might be the world's strongest man, but he can't wrestle for shit and he looks like a fat bastard.
Then we have the spaz match with Randolf, Edge and Dibiase. Again, the match is pretty dull and Orton wins. By the end of the match he attacks Vicky G with the RKO after she pleads and offers her resignation. What a bastard.
Thank fuck that screeching bint has been let go.
In summary: another episode of wrestling lite with some pretty funny promos. Still, it's better than Smackdown.
Bring on Sacrifice!
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