I've realised that a few recent posts make Socko sound like a negative nancy. So, I've decided to share some of my favourite promos of all time with you.
This is a good one, I'm not going to review or spoil it, it's just worth a watch:
Friday, 30 April 2010
Worst Matches Ever! Part One: Hogan vs Warrior, WCW Halloween Havoc 1998
Like the BBC, here at Socko's Review, we like to educate and entertain. Today, we have a history lesson. As part of an irregular series, Socko's Review brings you the worst wrestling matches of all time. Today we have Hulk Hogan vesus the Ultimate Warrior, a match 8 years in the making, and boy did they disappoint. The phrase train-wreck gets banded around far too often these days, but if you were looking for a match to show wrestlers how not to do it, this would be it. To pick the worst moment is almost impossible, simply because there are so many. Was it when Hogan tried to throw a fireball in Warriors face, only to see the lit bit of cloth harmlessly fall to the ground? Was it the fact that you see about 3 moves and that most of the match was made up of Hogan and Warrior holding hands? Is it when Hogan says: "I'm killing you!" and Warrior responds: "You're killing me!"? What about when Hogan trips over the ref? Or perhaps it was the fact that this piece of shit would be Warrior's final match in WCW?
The feud began with Hogan bragging that nobody could beat him, looking like a bouncer outside of gay club, Hogan and his nWo buddies sell their fear as Warrior makes his WCW debut. Hogan offers Warrior a place in the nWo, Warrior refuses. At this point, Warrior's still got it on the mic and doesn't allow things like grammar or syntax to get in the way of their "epical battle" - whatever that is:
After months of head-fucking on Warrior's part, we have one of the lamest matches in the history of professional wrestling.
Even before the match, the warning signs were there. In a promo, we see Hogan and Bischoff in Hogan's dressing room with Hogan looking in the mirror, who is there? The Warrior! Spooky shit, Bischoff can't see him and there's no one else in the room, this is some freaky shit right there.
Pre-match:
The match begins, and from the start cracks begin to show. Petty taunts and dull moves go on for what seems like an eternity. There are some bits in the match where Hogan goes "haw haw haw", laughing like a badly dubbed kung-fu master.
Let's look at the fireball incident, which had me in stitches the first time I saw it. You have Hogan, bent over for almost a minute trying to light the thing. What does Warrior do, does he try and fight Hogan, maybe wrestle the lighter out of Hogan's hand? No, he waits; he stands there like a tool waiting to get a fireball thrown in his face. Now, don't get me wrong, I know that this sort of stuff is planned in advance. but as a performer, if things aren't going right, you improvise. You don't stand there going 'der, what now boss?' like some cartoon thicksicle.
The moves in this match are pretty lame. If you can imagine a match made up mainly with arm-bars, clotheslines, chokes and bad taunts then you're kind of on your way to understanding how bad this match is. Now, imagine if most of these moves were executed so badly that it was rare to see any of the moves actually connect.
There are so many weird moments in this match where Hogan and Warrior just seem to be jumping around and doing strange hulking up actions. Complete bullshit.
Then Hogan trips on the ref and then almost hits him with a few knee drops and Big Show enters and takes Warrior out. With some weird running around and rolling about on the canvas the match culminates with Horace (yes, Horace) Hogan and Bischoff coming to assist. Bischoff chokes the ref and Horace gets Warrior with the steel chair. Hogan pins for the win.
Part One:
Part Two:
Part Three:
Warrior shows his face for one last microphone wrestle on WCW Nitro. You wannder why WCW folded shortly after this?
The feud began with Hogan bragging that nobody could beat him, looking like a bouncer outside of gay club, Hogan and his nWo buddies sell their fear as Warrior makes his WCW debut. Hogan offers Warrior a place in the nWo, Warrior refuses. At this point, Warrior's still got it on the mic and doesn't allow things like grammar or syntax to get in the way of their "epical battle" - whatever that is:
After months of head-fucking on Warrior's part, we have one of the lamest matches in the history of professional wrestling.
Even before the match, the warning signs were there. In a promo, we see Hogan and Bischoff in Hogan's dressing room with Hogan looking in the mirror, who is there? The Warrior! Spooky shit, Bischoff can't see him and there's no one else in the room, this is some freaky shit right there.
Pre-match:
The match begins, and from the start cracks begin to show. Petty taunts and dull moves go on for what seems like an eternity. There are some bits in the match where Hogan goes "haw haw haw", laughing like a badly dubbed kung-fu master.
Let's look at the fireball incident, which had me in stitches the first time I saw it. You have Hogan, bent over for almost a minute trying to light the thing. What does Warrior do, does he try and fight Hogan, maybe wrestle the lighter out of Hogan's hand? No, he waits; he stands there like a tool waiting to get a fireball thrown in his face. Now, don't get me wrong, I know that this sort of stuff is planned in advance. but as a performer, if things aren't going right, you improvise. You don't stand there going 'der, what now boss?' like some cartoon thicksicle.
The moves in this match are pretty lame. If you can imagine a match made up mainly with arm-bars, clotheslines, chokes and bad taunts then you're kind of on your way to understanding how bad this match is. Now, imagine if most of these moves were executed so badly that it was rare to see any of the moves actually connect.
There are so many weird moments in this match where Hogan and Warrior just seem to be jumping around and doing strange hulking up actions. Complete bullshit.
Then Hogan trips on the ref and then almost hits him with a few knee drops and Big Show enters and takes Warrior out. With some weird running around and rolling about on the canvas the match culminates with Horace (yes, Horace) Hogan and Bischoff coming to assist. Bischoff chokes the ref and Horace gets Warrior with the steel chair. Hogan pins for the win.
Part One:
Part Two:
Part Three:
Warrior shows his face for one last microphone wrestle on WCW Nitro. You wannder why WCW folded shortly after this?
The Clown from Outta Town, WWE Extreme Rules.
3:49 - Triple H in the opening match? What?
5:39 - shortest hardcore match ever.
7:43 - The greatest tag team in WWE history? The Dudleys are back?!
7:45 - Oh no, it's just a mediocre tag team with aspirations of adequacy.
12:45 - Why is Morrison being wasted as one of the first tag team in a tag gauntlet in the first proper match of the night? FFS. WWE needs a rip-off X-Division, they bury most of their best guys instead of elevating them.
16:03 - The commentary is truly awful.
19:45 - Why does anyone like MVP?
23:10 - Finally, a match I actually want to see - only took them the better part of half an hour. Way to go.
26:18 - 'Our fans in Europe, watching from places like the United Kingdom, Canada and Australia...'
43:39 - Match over. Nothing noteworthy occured.
45:19 - Strap match? Seriously? What fucking century are we in?
52:10 - Another match where nothing interesting happened.
53:00 - Attacking someone so they're injured and can't compete is a 'moral victory'? God, this commentary sucks.
58:29 - Here comes Orton - can't wait to see one of his sweet headlocks.
75:09 - Swagger beat Orton? Didn't expect that. One of the worst 'extreme' matches I've ever seen. Not worst I guess - just dullest.
80:51 - Shamus and Triple H are wearing almost exactly the same ring gear.
89:35 - I give up. I'm not watching the rest of this. They've had an hour and a half and not a single decent thing has happened.
- The Clown
5:39 - shortest hardcore match ever.
7:43 - The greatest tag team in WWE history? The Dudleys are back?!
7:45 - Oh no, it's just a mediocre tag team with aspirations of adequacy.
12:45 - Why is Morrison being wasted as one of the first tag team in a tag gauntlet in the first proper match of the night? FFS. WWE needs a rip-off X-Division, they bury most of their best guys instead of elevating them.
16:03 - The commentary is truly awful.
19:45 - Why does anyone like MVP?
23:10 - Finally, a match I actually want to see - only took them the better part of half an hour. Way to go.
26:18 - 'Our fans in Europe, watching from places like the United Kingdom, Canada and Australia...'
43:39 - Match over. Nothing noteworthy occured.
45:19 - Strap match? Seriously? What fucking century are we in?
52:10 - Another match where nothing interesting happened.
53:00 - Attacking someone so they're injured and can't compete is a 'moral victory'? God, this commentary sucks.
58:29 - Here comes Orton - can't wait to see one of his sweet headlocks.
75:09 - Swagger beat Orton? Didn't expect that. One of the worst 'extreme' matches I've ever seen. Not worst I guess - just dullest.
80:51 - Shamus and Triple H are wearing almost exactly the same ring gear.
89:35 - I give up. I'm not watching the rest of this. They've had an hour and a half and not a single decent thing has happened.
- The Clown
Thursday, 29 April 2010
The Clown from Outta Town's review of Impact!
I invited an old friend of mine who got me into ECW about a decade ago to submit something to Socko's Review. He came up with a gonzo style review of the latest Impact! Introducing The Clown from Outta Town. Enjoy - Socko
5:07 - Woo, new ranking system. Just what pro wrestling needs - more maths!
6:48 - RVD's entrance music mentions the Van Terminator - when are we gonna see it?
7:50 - Haha, Hulky
15:07 - Oh God, please don't make Hogan vs Flair happen
15:20 - And by 'God', I mean 'TNA Management'.
19:20 - Knockouts - fast forwarding.
28:55 - Flair vs Abyss? Surely this'll be a bloodbath?
29:18 - Shanon Moore. I'm 90% sure Morgan will do a run-in.
33:50 - Whoomp, there it is.
35:00 - Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe
35:51 - FUCK YEAH MUSCLE BUSTER
39:14 - These out of focus monologues are starting to get annoying. And this is only the second one. I'm gonna be raging hard in a week or two.
44:54 - GET RID OF THE FUCKING NEWS TICKER
47:29 - Sting's vanished. Predicting lights out -> baseball bat -> win.
47:57 - Oh no, there he is.
48:32 - Ladder off the stage onto a table? Hardy, you're a madman. Also, the baseball bat has come into play, so I was only half wrong :)
49:00 - And the win. So I was only 1/3 wrong.
49:30 - FUCK OFF WITH THE BLURRY, CRAPPY CAMERA CRAP
50:57 - Sweet eyepatch.
54:49 - Pope is awesome. Anderson...not so much.
59:04 - Anderson is like the irritating kid in school that absolutely nobody likes, who for some reason insists on talking to absoloutely everybody. I wish he'd just go away.
60:15 - X-Pac's bleeding from the head all over the concrete. I have been waiting so long to see that. Thank you TNA!
60:22 - watched that 3 times. Hopefully, it's the last we ever see of him in TNA.
65:32 - Neal Vs Morgan. Feud of the century incoming, hold on to your hats, this is gonna get wild.
67:21 - Get out, Moore. We don't want you screwing up this five star feud with your presence.
67:55 - Woo, Maths! Spill the beans, Eric.
68:44 - Internet fans decide who the top ten wrestlers are. Rick Astley's title shot can't be far off.
70:51 - Flair v Abyss. Please, please, please make it no DQ.
70:55 - FUCKING BLURRY MONOLOGUES AGAIN. Loving the Flair subtitles though :)
74:20 - Am I the only one who finds it disturbing that Abyss wears Hogan's ring on his wedding finger??
75:25 - Wait, Abyss v Flair is the main event? What the shit?
79:17 - Holy christ, Flair's face! What the hell did Abyss hit him with??
80:33 - Flair, those brass knuckles are the wrong way round ffs.
82:25 - I really hope Abyss and Jay Lethal recreate the Megapowers.
- The Clown
5:07 - Woo, new ranking system. Just what pro wrestling needs - more maths!
6:48 - RVD's entrance music mentions the Van Terminator - when are we gonna see it?
7:50 - Haha, Hulky
15:07 - Oh God, please don't make Hogan vs Flair happen
15:20 - And by 'God', I mean 'TNA Management'.
19:20 - Knockouts - fast forwarding.
28:55 - Flair vs Abyss? Surely this'll be a bloodbath?
29:18 - Shanon Moore. I'm 90% sure Morgan will do a run-in.
33:50 - Whoomp, there it is.
35:00 - Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe
35:51 - FUCK YEAH MUSCLE BUSTER
39:14 - These out of focus monologues are starting to get annoying. And this is only the second one. I'm gonna be raging hard in a week or two.
44:54 - GET RID OF THE FUCKING NEWS TICKER
47:29 - Sting's vanished. Predicting lights out -> baseball bat -> win.
47:57 - Oh no, there he is.
48:32 - Ladder off the stage onto a table? Hardy, you're a madman. Also, the baseball bat has come into play, so I was only half wrong :)
49:00 - And the win. So I was only 1/3 wrong.
49:30 - FUCK OFF WITH THE BLURRY, CRAPPY CAMERA CRAP
50:57 - Sweet eyepatch.
54:49 - Pope is awesome. Anderson...not so much.
59:04 - Anderson is like the irritating kid in school that absolutely nobody likes, who for some reason insists on talking to absoloutely everybody. I wish he'd just go away.
60:15 - X-Pac's bleeding from the head all over the concrete. I have been waiting so long to see that. Thank you TNA!
60:22 - watched that 3 times. Hopefully, it's the last we ever see of him in TNA.
65:32 - Neal Vs Morgan. Feud of the century incoming, hold on to your hats, this is gonna get wild.
67:21 - Get out, Moore. We don't want you screwing up this five star feud with your presence.
67:55 - Woo, Maths! Spill the beans, Eric.
68:44 - Internet fans decide who the top ten wrestlers are. Rick Astley's title shot can't be far off.
70:51 - Flair v Abyss. Please, please, please make it no DQ.
70:55 - FUCKING BLURRY MONOLOGUES AGAIN. Loving the Flair subtitles though :)
74:20 - Am I the only one who finds it disturbing that Abyss wears Hogan's ring on his wedding finger??
75:25 - Wait, Abyss v Flair is the main event? What the shit?
79:17 - Holy christ, Flair's face! What the hell did Abyss hit him with??
80:33 - Flair, those brass knuckles are the wrong way round ffs.
82:25 - I really hope Abyss and Jay Lethal recreate the Megapowers.
- The Clown
TNA's new ranking system.
This week's TNA wasn't as good as last weeks, it has to be said. I think the main thing about Hogan that gets on my nerves is that by wasting time talking about how great TNA is and how they've got momentum, etc. ironically, by doing this it makes TNA lose that momentum and makes it look like a kid showing off about how fast his new bike can go the proceeds to fall off it.
Hogan was joined by a rather wasted RVD. Hogan then kissed RVD's arse so hard that he should have just got a room and got it out of his system.
The most interesting part was Bischoff revealing the new ranking system. The ranking system is based on fans voting for the star that they want to see as the number one contender. It's not a bad system as it goes with the fan's favourite, but at the same time could backfire. Think about it, the bullshit produced on X Factor ends up being the most popular song when it comes out. Popularity does not equal quality. My prediction is that Jeff Hardy will be number one contender, though my vote has gone for Desmond Wolfe (close call between him and Anderson). The ranking system in ROH is the best one, because you can see how wrestlers rise up the ranks and it makes each match have more at stake than a simple feud/grudge match.
Notice there is no Samoa Joe or Doug Williams on here.
So with the number one contender slot going to an internet vote, why not just have the same thing for the champion? Each week the champion could be decided by an internet poll. This would save all the bother with wrestling, and the contenders can just do promos telling us why they should be champion. Bischoff, you've done it again!
Hogan was joined by a rather wasted RVD. Hogan then kissed RVD's arse so hard that he should have just got a room and got it out of his system.
The most interesting part was Bischoff revealing the new ranking system. The ranking system is based on fans voting for the star that they want to see as the number one contender. It's not a bad system as it goes with the fan's favourite, but at the same time could backfire. Think about it, the bullshit produced on X Factor ends up being the most popular song when it comes out. Popularity does not equal quality. My prediction is that Jeff Hardy will be number one contender, though my vote has gone for Desmond Wolfe (close call between him and Anderson). The ranking system in ROH is the best one, because you can see how wrestlers rise up the ranks and it makes each match have more at stake than a simple feud/grudge match.
Notice there is no Samoa Joe or Doug Williams on here.
So with the number one contender slot going to an internet vote, why not just have the same thing for the champion? Each week the champion could be decided by an internet poll. This would save all the bother with wrestling, and the contenders can just do promos telling us why they should be champion. Bischoff, you've done it again!
WWE Draft 2010
On the heels of Extreme Rules we have the annual WWE Draft, where everything hets shaken up and the WWE landscape changes... well, kind of...
The night began with Bret Hart coming out and declaring that Show Miz are the greatest tag team of all time, he then declare that the Mountie was the greatest IC champion and the David Arquette was the greatest world champion, so you can see, he wasn't exactly serious. The match between Hart Dynasty and Show Miz saw the Dynasty beat Show Miz to earn the titles and saw the Big Show and Miz turn on each other... but with Big Show getting drafted, the inevitable feud has been overted.
Apart from the draft, the only other major thing to happen was a number one contenders match for the WWE title was won by Batista because of interference by Edge. So the boring storyline, which should have ended at Extreme Rules, is now being rehashed. FFS.
Anyway, the draft results:
Kelly kelly > Smackdown
Big Show > Smackdown
John Morrison Raw
R Truth > Raw
Edge > Raw
Kofi Kingston > Smackdown
Christian > Smackdown
Jericho > Raw
Predictions: Edge will turn heel and dominate Raw. Jericho will team up with the Miz, probably have a match with Big Show at next PPV. Punk will run out of people to have feuds with. Big Show will turn face and become a bad comedy character again. Undertaker will only appear at PPVs. John Morrison will get a big push. Orton will stand there and not say anything. Matt Striker will continue to suck as an announcer.
In summary, WWE really missed a great opportunity to shake things up. Moving Punk over to Raw and Orton over to Smackdown would have been a good move, also switching Edge and Christian was short sighted, would have been great to see them tag/feud.
The night began with Bret Hart coming out and declaring that Show Miz are the greatest tag team of all time, he then declare that the Mountie was the greatest IC champion and the David Arquette was the greatest world champion, so you can see, he wasn't exactly serious. The match between Hart Dynasty and Show Miz saw the Dynasty beat Show Miz to earn the titles and saw the Big Show and Miz turn on each other... but with Big Show getting drafted, the inevitable feud has been overted.
Apart from the draft, the only other major thing to happen was a number one contenders match for the WWE title was won by Batista because of interference by Edge. So the boring storyline, which should have ended at Extreme Rules, is now being rehashed. FFS.
Anyway, the draft results:
Kelly kelly > Smackdown
Big Show > Smackdown
John Morrison Raw
R Truth > Raw
Edge > Raw
Kofi Kingston > Smackdown
Christian > Smackdown
Jericho > Raw
Predictions: Edge will turn heel and dominate Raw. Jericho will team up with the Miz, probably have a match with Big Show at next PPV. Punk will run out of people to have feuds with. Big Show will turn face and become a bad comedy character again. Undertaker will only appear at PPVs. John Morrison will get a big push. Orton will stand there and not say anything. Matt Striker will continue to suck as an announcer.
In summary, WWE really missed a great opportunity to shake things up. Moving Punk over to Raw and Orton over to Smackdown would have been a good move, also switching Edge and Christian was short sighted, would have been great to see them tag/feud.
WWE Extreme Rules 2010
With irs somewhat misleading title, Extreme Rules was anything but extreme. Maybe its because i've been watching Mick Foley's Greatest Hits and Misses, but watching Extreme Rules reminded me how tame WWE has got over the past few years.
The event opened with what was meant to be Sheamus versus Triple H in a street fight. Triple H was attacked from behind on the way to the ring, then an injured Triple H was sent to the trainers office to receive medical attention. Initially I thought that WWE didn't really have time/want to do the match, but when you have an announcer talking about the grave condition of the wrestler, you know that against all odds, the match will happen later on... and it did, and it sucked. Triple H storming out of the medical ofice was about as unexpected as R-Truth asking the crowd 'Wassup?'. The match was flat and Sheamus won.
So with the match between Sheamus and Triple H being postponed, Show Miz entered to cut a promo about being the greatest tag-team. Teddy Long came out put them in a gauntlet match against three other tag teams for a title shot. By this point we were over 10 minutes into the PPV and still hadn't seen any in-ring wrestling. It felt more like an expisode of Smackdown than a PPV, poor show.
So first we have R Truth and John Morrison. I really can't stand either of these two, so I was glad to see them get their asses kicked (although they did lose due to a DQ rather than a pin). R Truth annoys me for a number of reasons, apart from being a recycled Booker T, his rap is just rubbish and he always gets a cheap pop of the crowd. I know I've already mentioned Mick Foley, but remember when he was the commissioner on Raw and he always used to get a cheap pop by mentioning the place name and sticking his thumb up, knowing full well that it was an ironic cheap pop. R Truth does the same thing, but doesn't get the joke. John Morrison is just a pretty boy pouty prick, he's not bad in the ring, but he's not great. He looks like Val Kilmer when he played Jim Morrison and dresses like a bad Ric Flair parody.
Next up was the most boring fat fuck of a wrestler Mark Henry accompanied by MVP. I seem to remember that MVP was pretty good a few years ago, but Mark Henry has never been good, he's fet and he shouldn't wear that tight disgusting leotard. They were quickly beaten.
Next we have the Hart Dynasty. I always think it's a bit sad when you see the kids of wrestlers becoming wrestlers; it's like they've allowed a choice that their father/grandfather made before they were born to determine the path of their own lives. This being said, they're pretty good in the ring and they are obviously set to be the next tag team champions (something was probably written into Bret Hart's contract to give them a push). They obviously won. The one thing that disturbs me about the Hart Dynasty is Reinhart's daughter. She looks like she has been transported from the late 80s with her big hair and camel toe leggings. There's being nostalgic and just being dated.
Throughout the three matches, the commentary was really stilted and arkward. I remember when Jerry Lawler was a great commentator, what happened with that?
Next we had the Punk/Mysterio hair cut match. Again this match was nothing special. Punk was set up for a few 619s, most of which didn't connect - like all of their other matches. The only interesting part of the match was when a hooded figure appeared from beneath the ring to take out Mysterio. Contrary to the laws of logic and physics, CM Punk actually won the match, which actually suprised me. Punk's the best heel that WWE has had for a long time, and when he say smuggly in the barber shop chair at the the end of the match, that was pretty cool.
The next match was Swagger versus Orton. This match was, on the whole, pretty entertaining. Although Orton ruined a Shakira video for me, he's got great ring psychology (there's bit in the She Wolf video where Shakira does that weird shoulder thing that Orton does, didn't really want to be reminded of that while enjoying Shakira).
For a no DQ match, most of the match was pretty standard in-ring grappling. The highlight was when Orton stomped on Swagger's head; it almost looked like he really him as well! Orton then sets up a chair in the ring to RKO Swagger though it, Swagger counters and Powerbombs Orton to win. I was hoping the Orton would win because he's feuded with pretty much everyone on Raw, would have been good to see him move to Smackdown.
The main event was for the WWE Championship, a Last Man Standing match between Cena and Batista. The match, again, wasn't great, but did have some pretty good moments: Cena using the Attitude Adjustment to put Batista through the announce table; Batista using a Spine Buster on Cena to put him through a table; Batista trying to tap out of the STF and then passing out... only to get up at 9. The highlight was at the end of the match when Cena taped Batistas legs around a ring post so he couldn't get up. This was an innovative and smart way to end the match and was the high point of a pretty mediocre PPV without any real upsets or title changes (think the Divas title might have changed, but I was making some food when the match was on).
The event opened with what was meant to be Sheamus versus Triple H in a street fight. Triple H was attacked from behind on the way to the ring, then an injured Triple H was sent to the trainers office to receive medical attention. Initially I thought that WWE didn't really have time/want to do the match, but when you have an announcer talking about the grave condition of the wrestler, you know that against all odds, the match will happen later on... and it did, and it sucked. Triple H storming out of the medical ofice was about as unexpected as R-Truth asking the crowd 'Wassup?'. The match was flat and Sheamus won.
So with the match between Sheamus and Triple H being postponed, Show Miz entered to cut a promo about being the greatest tag-team. Teddy Long came out put them in a gauntlet match against three other tag teams for a title shot. By this point we were over 10 minutes into the PPV and still hadn't seen any in-ring wrestling. It felt more like an expisode of Smackdown than a PPV, poor show.
So first we have R Truth and John Morrison. I really can't stand either of these two, so I was glad to see them get their asses kicked (although they did lose due to a DQ rather than a pin). R Truth annoys me for a number of reasons, apart from being a recycled Booker T, his rap is just rubbish and he always gets a cheap pop of the crowd. I know I've already mentioned Mick Foley, but remember when he was the commissioner on Raw and he always used to get a cheap pop by mentioning the place name and sticking his thumb up, knowing full well that it was an ironic cheap pop. R Truth does the same thing, but doesn't get the joke. John Morrison is just a pretty boy pouty prick, he's not bad in the ring, but he's not great. He looks like Val Kilmer when he played Jim Morrison and dresses like a bad Ric Flair parody.
Next up was the most boring fat fuck of a wrestler Mark Henry accompanied by MVP. I seem to remember that MVP was pretty good a few years ago, but Mark Henry has never been good, he's fet and he shouldn't wear that tight disgusting leotard. They were quickly beaten.
Next we have the Hart Dynasty. I always think it's a bit sad when you see the kids of wrestlers becoming wrestlers; it's like they've allowed a choice that their father/grandfather made before they were born to determine the path of their own lives. This being said, they're pretty good in the ring and they are obviously set to be the next tag team champions (something was probably written into Bret Hart's contract to give them a push). They obviously won. The one thing that disturbs me about the Hart Dynasty is Reinhart's daughter. She looks like she has been transported from the late 80s with her big hair and camel toe leggings. There's being nostalgic and just being dated.
Throughout the three matches, the commentary was really stilted and arkward. I remember when Jerry Lawler was a great commentator, what happened with that?
Next we had the Punk/Mysterio hair cut match. Again this match was nothing special. Punk was set up for a few 619s, most of which didn't connect - like all of their other matches. The only interesting part of the match was when a hooded figure appeared from beneath the ring to take out Mysterio. Contrary to the laws of logic and physics, CM Punk actually won the match, which actually suprised me. Punk's the best heel that WWE has had for a long time, and when he say smuggly in the barber shop chair at the the end of the match, that was pretty cool.
The next match was Swagger versus Orton. This match was, on the whole, pretty entertaining. Although Orton ruined a Shakira video for me, he's got great ring psychology (there's bit in the She Wolf video where Shakira does that weird shoulder thing that Orton does, didn't really want to be reminded of that while enjoying Shakira).
For a no DQ match, most of the match was pretty standard in-ring grappling. The highlight was when Orton stomped on Swagger's head; it almost looked like he really him as well! Orton then sets up a chair in the ring to RKO Swagger though it, Swagger counters and Powerbombs Orton to win. I was hoping the Orton would win because he's feuded with pretty much everyone on Raw, would have been good to see him move to Smackdown.
The main event was for the WWE Championship, a Last Man Standing match between Cena and Batista. The match, again, wasn't great, but did have some pretty good moments: Cena using the Attitude Adjustment to put Batista through the announce table; Batista using a Spine Buster on Cena to put him through a table; Batista trying to tap out of the STF and then passing out... only to get up at 9. The highlight was at the end of the match when Cena taped Batistas legs around a ring post so he couldn't get up. This was an innovative and smart way to end the match and was the high point of a pretty mediocre PPV without any real upsets or title changes (think the Divas title might have changed, but I was making some food when the match was on).
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