Socko,
Every time you post clips of Punk, it reminds me of this...
Classic.
- Clown
Thursday, 13 May 2010
Greatest Promos Ever! "Awww, did you expect somebody else?"
This has to be one of CM Punk's finest moments since moving to WWE. After he retired Jeff Hardy on Smackdown the previous week, who should enter the arena...
I was reminded of this promo because of Jeff Hardy himself. In the recent Pro Wrestling Observer Newsletter it seems that Hardy was a little pissed by this promo:
"WWE's last unofficial offer to Jeff Hardy before he went to TNA had a $750,000 downside where he would only have to work 65 dates a year, giving him the biggest break on the schedule out of any WWE stars, including Shawn Michaels.
Obviously Hardy turned the deal down as he was upset that nobody backed him after his drug arrest and he was upset over the promos that WWE had CM Punk cut on him after he left the company. The feeling was that Hardy wasn't with the company at the time and the promos from Punk weren't business as they weren't used to build a match."
This just makes me love the promo even more.
I was reminded of this promo because of Jeff Hardy himself. In the recent Pro Wrestling Observer Newsletter it seems that Hardy was a little pissed by this promo:
"WWE's last unofficial offer to Jeff Hardy before he went to TNA had a $750,000 downside where he would only have to work 65 dates a year, giving him the biggest break on the schedule out of any WWE stars, including Shawn Michaels.
Obviously Hardy turned the deal down as he was upset that nobody backed him after his drug arrest and he was upset over the promos that WWE had CM Punk cut on him after he left the company. The feeling was that Hardy wasn't with the company at the time and the promos from Punk weren't business as they weren't used to build a match."
This just makes me love the promo even more.
TNA Ranking System: Week two results.
Jeff Jarrett 1% (1,871 votes)
The Pope 1% (3,488 votes)
Sting 1% (3,948 votes)
Abyss 1% (1,373 votes)
Mr. Anderson 5% (19,041 votes)
AJ Styles 1% (2,277 votes)
Hernandez 1% (1,997 votes)
Rhino 1% (3,478 votes)
Matt Morgan 34% (139,304 votes)
Brother Ray 1% (1,646 votes)
Brother Devon 1% (5,230 votes)
Jeff Hardy 3% (13,431 votes)
Rob Terry 2% (7,686 votes)
Kurt Angle 1% (3,050 votes)
Desmond Wolfe 50% (207,484 votes)
Total Votes: 415,304
Holy shit, Desmond Wolfe and Matt Morgan have taken 84% of the vote between them. This will surely mean that Wolfe will get a push now... maybe. Abyss got less than 1% again, but still TNA will no doubt push him.
The TNA ranking system is a joke, let's be honest. Especially now that TNA is a taped show, it will probably give TNA fans 2-3 days after an episode of Impact for their vote to count. Earlier in the week, Matt Morgan was ahead in the vote, but it seems that throughout the week fans have been clicking away trying to get Wolfe up again.
I say screw the ranking system; it's a nice way for TNA management to see which wrestlers are going down well with fans, but that it as far as it goes.
I think it is about time that Hulk Hogan became TNA champion. After all, if Hogan can come down the entrance ramp and knock out Robery Roode, James Storm, AJ Styles and Desmond Wolfe with one hit from his big right hand, he's clearly the toughest there is.
Let's hope that Hogan books himself as number one contender and breaks the record for the shortest championship match in TNA history. All it will take is one punch with his big right hand and RVD will be out like a light. Watch from 4min30:
The Pope 1% (3,488 votes)
Sting 1% (3,948 votes)
Abyss 1% (1,373 votes)
Mr. Anderson 5% (19,041 votes)
AJ Styles 1% (2,277 votes)
Hernandez 1% (1,997 votes)
Rhino 1% (3,478 votes)
Matt Morgan 34% (139,304 votes)
Brother Ray 1% (1,646 votes)
Brother Devon 1% (5,230 votes)
Jeff Hardy 3% (13,431 votes)
Rob Terry 2% (7,686 votes)
Kurt Angle 1% (3,050 votes)
Desmond Wolfe 50% (207,484 votes)
Total Votes: 415,304
Holy shit, Desmond Wolfe and Matt Morgan have taken 84% of the vote between them. This will surely mean that Wolfe will get a push now... maybe. Abyss got less than 1% again, but still TNA will no doubt push him.
The TNA ranking system is a joke, let's be honest. Especially now that TNA is a taped show, it will probably give TNA fans 2-3 days after an episode of Impact for their vote to count. Earlier in the week, Matt Morgan was ahead in the vote, but it seems that throughout the week fans have been clicking away trying to get Wolfe up again.
I say screw the ranking system; it's a nice way for TNA management to see which wrestlers are going down well with fans, but that it as far as it goes.
I think it is about time that Hulk Hogan became TNA champion. After all, if Hogan can come down the entrance ramp and knock out Robery Roode, James Storm, AJ Styles and Desmond Wolfe with one hit from his big right hand, he's clearly the toughest there is.
Let's hope that Hogan books himself as number one contender and breaks the record for the shortest championship match in TNA history. All it will take is one punch with his big right hand and RVD will be out like a light. Watch from 4min30:
Clown's TNA Nonsense Watch
There's a disturbing trend starting up in TNA. Things are happening that make no fucking sense whatsoever. I've decided to start up a Nonsense Watch to catalogue all of the insane bullshit that's going on. Here's a few to get the ball rolling.
Lethal Lockdown
So the angle going into this is that Bischoff has been talking to Flair for weeks before the match, causing suspicion that he's planning to turn on Hogan and side with Flair. During the match, Flair and Hogan both get involved, culminating in Hogan menacing Flair with a baseball bat. Bischoff runs in, talks Hogan into calming down and handing him the baseball bat. Bischoff pulls out some brass knuckles, pretends he's going to give them to Flair, but instead gives them to Hogan who batters Flair while Bischoff cheers him on.
This makes no fucking sense at all. If you're on Hogan's side, why bother breaking it up only to instigate it again 30 seconds later? He had the guy at his mercy with a baseball bat. Brass knuckles are an inferior weapon, apart from the fact they are more easily concealed. The match was no DQ, so concealment isn't an issue...so what was the point of the run-in? If the run-in was pointless, what was the point of the entire angle?
It's later revealed that the only reason Bischoff was talking to Flair was to lull him into a false sense of security so that Bischoff could screw him over at the PPV. But he didn't screw him over - all he did was postpone a beating from Hogan by a few seconds. If he hadn't been involved at all, the end result would have been identical. There's weeks of exposition to build heat for when Bischoff interrupts a main event match to do nothing whatsoever. They wasted TV time, FOR NOTHING, for weeks on end when there's a locker room full of talented wrestlers that hardly ever get on TV because they aren't big names.
WHAT THE FUCK
The Band
Eric Young screws Kevin Nash for the Legends title. Kevin Nash says he'd usually get revenge, but he's impressed with Young so he forgives him and joins Young's faction, and the two are stable mates.
Months later, Scott Hall and X-Pac come to TNA. They immediately resume their friendship with Kevin Nash, and start a faction called 'The Band' (Young's 'World Elite' faction disappeared into thin air with no explanation). However, Hall and Pac don't have contracts, so they're not officially in TNA. The three argue, and Hall and Pac attack Nash. Young comes out to rescue his friend from the beating. The feud between Nash/Young & Hall/Pac continues, resulting in a PPV match where if Hall/Pac win, they get contracts.
The match comes around. Hall/Pac beat down Young for several minutes. Young finally gets a tag to Nash. Nash comes in, does his finisher on Young, tags back out again and Hall/Pac pin Young to get the win.
The next show, Nash calls Young down to the ring. He apologises, and offers young a spot in The Band. He tells him the plan all along was to get contracts for Hall/Pac and then build a four man stable with Young. Young refuses, and attacks Nash. This sparks off a feud which culminates in a cage match at Lockdown. Nash defeats Young relatively easily.
3 weeks later, Young rushes to the ring to help Team 3D in a brawl against Nash/Hall. He turns on them, and reveals he has now joined The Band.
This doesn't make any sense. THREE WEEKS AGO, Young was feuding with Nash because he was so vehemently opposed to joining The Band...now he's a member? If Nash just said to Young, before the contracts match, "Hey buddy, this thing with Hall/Pac is just a ruse to get them contracts. So when we get in the ring, one of us just lays down, they get the 1-2-3, they get contracts, and BANG! We're the most bad ass stable in the company", Young would have gone along with it. To have Young get screwed, refuse to accept the apology, fight Nash because he's so angry about it, and then join for no apparent reason is just nonsense.
WHAT THE FUCK
X-Pac
X-Pac no-shows Lockdown. Taz announces it as 'Pac didn't show up...it's just Pac being Pac I guess'.
The following iMPACT, Taz says 'Just to clarify, X-Pac didn't no-show, he couldn't make it and Dixie Carter was aware of the situation'.
The iMPACT after that, Pac gets his skull smashed against the concrete by 3D and is put on the 'injured' list.
This makes no fucking sense whatsoever. Do they really expect us to believe that when a wrestler can't make a show, they call the owner of the company directly? Not any kind of manager, not any of the bookers, they just go straight to Dixie. They don't let their friends know, they don't let their stable mates or tag team partners know, they just call Dixie and that's all they have to do. And Dixie Carter wouldn't bother to mention to anyone - not the event staff, not the commentators, not Hogan, not anyone - that one of the stars of their FUCKING PPV isn't going to be there? She just assumes that it'll sort itself out and there's no need to pass the message on?
WHAT THE FUCK
Abyss
Abyss wears Hogan's ring on his wedding finger.
WHAT THE FUCK
Orlando Jordan
No words necessary - WHAT THE FUCK
Lethal Lockdown
So the angle going into this is that Bischoff has been talking to Flair for weeks before the match, causing suspicion that he's planning to turn on Hogan and side with Flair. During the match, Flair and Hogan both get involved, culminating in Hogan menacing Flair with a baseball bat. Bischoff runs in, talks Hogan into calming down and handing him the baseball bat. Bischoff pulls out some brass knuckles, pretends he's going to give them to Flair, but instead gives them to Hogan who batters Flair while Bischoff cheers him on.
This makes no fucking sense at all. If you're on Hogan's side, why bother breaking it up only to instigate it again 30 seconds later? He had the guy at his mercy with a baseball bat. Brass knuckles are an inferior weapon, apart from the fact they are more easily concealed. The match was no DQ, so concealment isn't an issue...so what was the point of the run-in? If the run-in was pointless, what was the point of the entire angle?
It's later revealed that the only reason Bischoff was talking to Flair was to lull him into a false sense of security so that Bischoff could screw him over at the PPV. But he didn't screw him over - all he did was postpone a beating from Hogan by a few seconds. If he hadn't been involved at all, the end result would have been identical. There's weeks of exposition to build heat for when Bischoff interrupts a main event match to do nothing whatsoever. They wasted TV time, FOR NOTHING, for weeks on end when there's a locker room full of talented wrestlers that hardly ever get on TV because they aren't big names.
WHAT THE FUCK
The Band
Eric Young screws Kevin Nash for the Legends title. Kevin Nash says he'd usually get revenge, but he's impressed with Young so he forgives him and joins Young's faction, and the two are stable mates.
Months later, Scott Hall and X-Pac come to TNA. They immediately resume their friendship with Kevin Nash, and start a faction called 'The Band' (Young's 'World Elite' faction disappeared into thin air with no explanation). However, Hall and Pac don't have contracts, so they're not officially in TNA. The three argue, and Hall and Pac attack Nash. Young comes out to rescue his friend from the beating. The feud between Nash/Young & Hall/Pac continues, resulting in a PPV match where if Hall/Pac win, they get contracts.
The match comes around. Hall/Pac beat down Young for several minutes. Young finally gets a tag to Nash. Nash comes in, does his finisher on Young, tags back out again and Hall/Pac pin Young to get the win.
The next show, Nash calls Young down to the ring. He apologises, and offers young a spot in The Band. He tells him the plan all along was to get contracts for Hall/Pac and then build a four man stable with Young. Young refuses, and attacks Nash. This sparks off a feud which culminates in a cage match at Lockdown. Nash defeats Young relatively easily.
3 weeks later, Young rushes to the ring to help Team 3D in a brawl against Nash/Hall. He turns on them, and reveals he has now joined The Band.
This doesn't make any sense. THREE WEEKS AGO, Young was feuding with Nash because he was so vehemently opposed to joining The Band...now he's a member? If Nash just said to Young, before the contracts match, "Hey buddy, this thing with Hall/Pac is just a ruse to get them contracts. So when we get in the ring, one of us just lays down, they get the 1-2-3, they get contracts, and BANG! We're the most bad ass stable in the company", Young would have gone along with it. To have Young get screwed, refuse to accept the apology, fight Nash because he's so angry about it, and then join for no apparent reason is just nonsense.
WHAT THE FUCK
X-Pac
X-Pac no-shows Lockdown. Taz announces it as 'Pac didn't show up...it's just Pac being Pac I guess'.
The following iMPACT, Taz says 'Just to clarify, X-Pac didn't no-show, he couldn't make it and Dixie Carter was aware of the situation'.
The iMPACT after that, Pac gets his skull smashed against the concrete by 3D and is put on the 'injured' list.
This makes no fucking sense whatsoever. Do they really expect us to believe that when a wrestler can't make a show, they call the owner of the company directly? Not any kind of manager, not any of the bookers, they just go straight to Dixie. They don't let their friends know, they don't let their stable mates or tag team partners know, they just call Dixie and that's all they have to do. And Dixie Carter wouldn't bother to mention to anyone - not the event staff, not the commentators, not Hogan, not anyone - that one of the stars of their FUCKING PPV isn't going to be there? She just assumes that it'll sort itself out and there's no need to pass the message on?
WHAT THE FUCK
Abyss
Abyss wears Hogan's ring on his wedding finger.
WHAT THE FUCK
Orlando Jordan
No words necessary - WHAT THE FUCK
Wednesday, 12 May 2010
Greatest Matches Ever! NWA: Ric Flair vs Terry Funk (November 16th, 1989)
It is difficult not to underestimate the importance of the "I Quit" match between Terry Funk and Ric Flair at NWA's Clash of the Champions in November 1989. With Funk coming into NWA in 1988, a feud between him and Flair soon kicked off and culminated in this match. I you want two competitors who seem like they would happily kill each other, this is the match.
For its day this was an incredibly physical match and was one of the first matches to bring Funk's hardcore style to the mainstream. I think this match still holds up today as a great match. With Ric Flair being so old and incoherent on TNA, it is difficult to forget that he was one of the greatest wrestlers, in the ring as well as on the mic.
Prediction: with 21 years of this match approaching in November, I would not be suprised to see TNA organise a rematch.
For its day this was an incredibly physical match and was one of the first matches to bring Funk's hardcore style to the mainstream. I think this match still holds up today as a great match. With Ric Flair being so old and incoherent on TNA, it is difficult to forget that he was one of the greatest wrestlers, in the ring as well as on the mic.
Prediction: with 21 years of this match approaching in November, I would not be suprised to see TNA organise a rematch.
Tuesday, 11 May 2010
AJ Styles on Hulk Hogan
I found this clip on 'tube of AJ Styles talking about Hulk Hogan back in 2005.
Review: WWE Raw, 10th May
This week's Raw was a lot more entertaining than it has been of late, but the in-ring stuff, on the whole, still falls into the bracket of what I've been calling 'wrestling-lite'.
Raw opened with ol' snake eyes Randy Orton calling Edge out for a mic wrestle... But wait, that's not Edge's music, that's a Meatloaf song. So Meatloaf came out out to plug his new album, which no one under the age of 45 is likely to buy (it has a song written by Bon Jovi on it, hell yeah!). It's weird, when Meatloaf's not singing, the guy can be pretty entertaining. He was in the ring dancing round Orton trying to get Orton to have one of his songs as his theme song. Orton just stood there. Meatloaf then started singing in Orton's face. Orton just stood there. Meatloaf continues to piss Orton off. Orton's so wooden he makes Mokujin from Tekken seem like a viable alternative for spooning at bed time. The wooden man starts to move; it's a bit like that uncanny moment in the Wizard of Oz when Dorothy realises that the scarecrow is alive. Orton then goes for his trademark RKO. With Orton's relationship with guest hosts, RKOing them at every opportunity, you can't help but think that Orton is a poor man's Stone Cold and the RKO is a cheap facsimile of the Stunner.
With Meatloaf out cold, Edge makes his appearence with Vicky Guerrero in tow, standing there like some greedy girl who's eaten the last block of butter. It seems that Edge has convinced WWE management to bring her in as General Manager. It's not great, but it's better than the guest host bullshit. There's a bit of a microphone exchange. Vicky puts Orton in a handicap match, which is quite appropriate as he looks a bit simple.
Next we have a pretty mediocre match between Mini-Bulldog and Jericho for a chance for Jiz to have a title shot at Over the Limit. He wins, the match is pretty uneventful.
Now for the guest host, who enters with R Truth: the one and only Flava Flav (who's on plugging some reality show or something). For those not familiar with Flava Flav, he was basically the talentless one from Public Enemy who would wear the big clock and stupid hats and whose ability on the mic went as far as him saying 'yeah, boiiiieee'. He didn't disappoint. Flava Flav entered looking like he'd just stepped off of the set for the Don't Believe the Hype' video shoot. Stupid hat, big clock and 'yeah, boiiiieee'. Like the Bez of hip-hop, Flava Flav had exhausted all of his gimmicks. With the match between Regal and Truth it was only a matter of time before something heel happened. And boom! Not one, but two Virgils come in the ring end the match in the form of Carlito and Primo. Dibiase comes out onto the ramp and pays them for their Virgilious services.
Next there was Divas promo spot. Now, I think that the Divas thing is a joke. Just a bit of wank fodder for teenage boys. WWE don't make any effort to take women's wrestling seriously, so I don't take the Divas seriously. Sorry ladies. In a promo spot, Maryse is showing that she does have some genuine athletic ability by showing her training with a martial arts coach. Just check out the bitch slap she gives this guy, it must have smarted like crazy.
With a pointless match with Jack Rider out of the way, we move onto Tyson Kid versus the Miz, if the Miz lost he would have to defend his American Championship title against a member of the Hart Family of his choosing. The match was over in a few seconds with Tyson Kid getting a quick pin. Tyson Kid has the most stupid hair in the WW; I imagine that this is how Tin Tin would do his hair if he got a job as a rent boy. So Miz chose to defend his title against Bret Hart, presumably so Bret can leave the WWE with some dignity this time.
Next up was a match with the NXT 'rookies' facing a team of John Morrison, Goldust and a couple of jobbers whose names escape me. The match was pretty poor except for the fact the Brian Danielson got the pin meaning his first WWE victory was on Raw. It's about time he started getting some heat, he should be on Raw already, not on some bullshit let-down of a reality show.
We then cut to one of the most entertaining promos of the night, featuring none other than, Cannock's finest, William Regal. As a mic wrestler, Regal's still got it, it's just a shame that WWE see fit to put him in the role of jobber on Raw, teaming him up with the token Russian heel guy, Boris whatever. In the promo Regal essentially lets Flava Flav know what time it is (geddit? Flava Flav wears a clock, geddit?), by letting him know that he is a talentless fuck who rides on the coatails of the infinitely more talented Chuck D. Okay, maybe he didn't quite go that far, but it's still funny... and topical!
Next we see Mark Henry getting choked out by Batista in a match that didn't happen. I was glad to see Mark Henry being done over in such a way. Yeah, he might be the world's strongest man, but he can't wrestle for shit and he looks like a fat bastard.
Then we have the spaz match with Randolf, Edge and Dibiase. Again, the match is pretty dull and Orton wins. By the end of the match he attacks Vicky G with the RKO after she pleads and offers her resignation. What a bastard.
Thank fuck that screeching bint has been let go.
In summary: another episode of wrestling lite with some pretty funny promos. Still, it's better than Smackdown.
Bring on Sacrifice!
Raw opened with ol' snake eyes Randy Orton calling Edge out for a mic wrestle... But wait, that's not Edge's music, that's a Meatloaf song. So Meatloaf came out out to plug his new album, which no one under the age of 45 is likely to buy (it has a song written by Bon Jovi on it, hell yeah!). It's weird, when Meatloaf's not singing, the guy can be pretty entertaining. He was in the ring dancing round Orton trying to get Orton to have one of his songs as his theme song. Orton just stood there. Meatloaf then started singing in Orton's face. Orton just stood there. Meatloaf continues to piss Orton off. Orton's so wooden he makes Mokujin from Tekken seem like a viable alternative for spooning at bed time. The wooden man starts to move; it's a bit like that uncanny moment in the Wizard of Oz when Dorothy realises that the scarecrow is alive. Orton then goes for his trademark RKO. With Orton's relationship with guest hosts, RKOing them at every opportunity, you can't help but think that Orton is a poor man's Stone Cold and the RKO is a cheap facsimile of the Stunner.
With Meatloaf out cold, Edge makes his appearence with Vicky Guerrero in tow, standing there like some greedy girl who's eaten the last block of butter. It seems that Edge has convinced WWE management to bring her in as General Manager. It's not great, but it's better than the guest host bullshit. There's a bit of a microphone exchange. Vicky puts Orton in a handicap match, which is quite appropriate as he looks a bit simple.
Next we have a pretty mediocre match between Mini-Bulldog and Jericho for a chance for Jiz to have a title shot at Over the Limit. He wins, the match is pretty uneventful.
Now for the guest host, who enters with R Truth: the one and only Flava Flav (who's on plugging some reality show or something). For those not familiar with Flava Flav, he was basically the talentless one from Public Enemy who would wear the big clock and stupid hats and whose ability on the mic went as far as him saying 'yeah, boiiiieee'. He didn't disappoint. Flava Flav entered looking like he'd just stepped off of the set for the Don't Believe the Hype' video shoot. Stupid hat, big clock and 'yeah, boiiiieee'. Like the Bez of hip-hop, Flava Flav had exhausted all of his gimmicks. With the match between Regal and Truth it was only a matter of time before something heel happened. And boom! Not one, but two Virgils come in the ring end the match in the form of Carlito and Primo. Dibiase comes out onto the ramp and pays them for their Virgilious services.
Next there was Divas promo spot. Now, I think that the Divas thing is a joke. Just a bit of wank fodder for teenage boys. WWE don't make any effort to take women's wrestling seriously, so I don't take the Divas seriously. Sorry ladies. In a promo spot, Maryse is showing that she does have some genuine athletic ability by showing her training with a martial arts coach. Just check out the bitch slap she gives this guy, it must have smarted like crazy.
With a pointless match with Jack Rider out of the way, we move onto Tyson Kid versus the Miz, if the Miz lost he would have to defend his American Championship title against a member of the Hart Family of his choosing. The match was over in a few seconds with Tyson Kid getting a quick pin. Tyson Kid has the most stupid hair in the WW; I imagine that this is how Tin Tin would do his hair if he got a job as a rent boy. So Miz chose to defend his title against Bret Hart, presumably so Bret can leave the WWE with some dignity this time.
Next up was a match with the NXT 'rookies' facing a team of John Morrison, Goldust and a couple of jobbers whose names escape me. The match was pretty poor except for the fact the Brian Danielson got the pin meaning his first WWE victory was on Raw. It's about time he started getting some heat, he should be on Raw already, not on some bullshit let-down of a reality show.
We then cut to one of the most entertaining promos of the night, featuring none other than, Cannock's finest, William Regal. As a mic wrestler, Regal's still got it, it's just a shame that WWE see fit to put him in the role of jobber on Raw, teaming him up with the token Russian heel guy, Boris whatever. In the promo Regal essentially lets Flava Flav know what time it is (geddit? Flava Flav wears a clock, geddit?), by letting him know that he is a talentless fuck who rides on the coatails of the infinitely more talented Chuck D. Okay, maybe he didn't quite go that far, but it's still funny... and topical!
Next we see Mark Henry getting choked out by Batista in a match that didn't happen. I was glad to see Mark Henry being done over in such a way. Yeah, he might be the world's strongest man, but he can't wrestle for shit and he looks like a fat bastard.
Then we have the spaz match with Randolf, Edge and Dibiase. Again, the match is pretty dull and Orton wins. By the end of the match he attacks Vicky G with the RKO after she pleads and offers her resignation. What a bastard.
Thank fuck that screeching bint has been let go.
In summary: another episode of wrestling lite with some pretty funny promos. Still, it's better than Smackdown.
Bring on Sacrifice!
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