Socko's Entertainment Review

We all love wrestling, if you're reading this blog then that's probably a given. If you like to read stuff about things on the tele, computer games, films, etc. then check out Socko's Entertainment Review.

http://sockosentertainment.blogspot.com

Review: WWE Hell in a Cell

Hell in a Cell matches are up there with I Quit matches and ladder matches as my favourite type of matches. Unlike the traditional cage match, the Hell in a Cell has become synonymous with brutality and career-shortening matches. In the spirit of every other PPV put out by WWE these days, the PPV was named after the gimmick – Hell in a Cell. I was hoping that all of the matches would be cell matches (even the submissions count anywhere match), but there were only two.

Match one: USA Championship, submissions count anywhere.
The Miz versus Bryan Danilson (c) versus John Morrison.

When this match started, I was disappointed that a) there was no cell, and b) that this was the first match. I was hoping that it would be higher up on the card and climax on top the cage, but no such luck. The booking for this match was odd; I don’t think that anyone has had Miz or Morrison down as a submission wrestler before this. Indeed, over the past few weeks on Raw they have been showcasing Morrison’s free-running skills. Saying this though, Morrison used a pretty cool looking Reverse Tarantula on the Miz pretty early on, this transitioned into Bryan applying the Cattle Mutilation. The Cattle Mutilation was correctly identified by Stryker, which led to Cole taking the piss out of the move name. This was then broken up by a Twisting Moonsault from the top by Morrison, a move which looks as awesome as it is pointless.
The match moved into the audience with Morrison getting in an Arm Breaker. He then put Danielson on a kind of box thing and pushed it into the ramp. There was a bit of back and forth between Danielson and the Miz whilst Morrison climbed up to the lighting truss and did a Cross Body from about 20ft in the air. The drop looked cool, but because Morrison was caught so nicely by Miz and Danielson, it was probably one of the safest spots of the match. Morrison applied a Texas Cloverleaf onto Danielson on the entrance ramp. It was at this point that Alex Riley got involved tossing Morrison away, this allowed Danielson to hook in the LeBelle Lock onto Miz, with the Miz doing a great selling job before tapping out. Cole even admitted that Danielson was the real deal.
On the whole this was a very good match, but it would have been much better had it been the Miz versus Danielson in and atop of the cell.
Match rating ***½


Match two: WWE Championship, Hell in a Cell match
Randy Orton (c) versus Sheamus

At over 25 minutes, this match was far too long. The crowd were flat, there were large chunks of the match which were boring, and a number of spots which seemed pointless. The match started with a collar and elbow tie up which went on for far too long. They went outside of the ring, Orton hit Sheamus with the steel steps and went back into the ring for the two-count. Throughout the match Orton teased the RKO (remember, if he hits the RKO, it’s all over) a few times and knocked Sheamus for a couple of near-falls. Sheamus brought the steps into the centre of the ring and many of the moves for the rest of the match utilised the steps in some way. There was a nasty looking spot where Orton Scoop Slammed Sheamus onto the steps for a two-count.
One of the dumbest part of this match occurred when Sheamus gave a Backbreaker on to his knee whilst standing on the steps. Using wrestling logic, I would assume that having the steel beneath his feet made the Backbreaker more powerful, erm, or something.
This match really dipped for about 10 minutes, with a lot of back-and-forth kicks and punches going on. The matched climaxed with Sheamus trying to give the High Cross/Razor’s Edge from the steps. Luckily, and thank goodness, Randy Orton countered and hit the Arrrrr Kaaaaayyy Ohhhhhh!!! With the magical move being hit, Orton got the pin and retained the title.
Match Rating: **½


After the match we had a small promo advertising the next PPV, Bragging Rights. Here we had a great WCW moment. With the possibility that the Nexus would be forced to dissolve later that evening, the graphic for the next PPV had the Smackdown versus Raw logo, with the Nexus ‘N’ quite prominent in the graphic. Essentially, WWE gave the results of Wade/Cena match later that night. FFS WWE.


Match Three: Edge versus Jack Swagger

This match seemed to come from nowhere. It began with a promo between Alberto Del Rio, Edge and Jack Swagger. The promo was interrupted by the Raw GM noise (what jurisdiction the Raw GM has over Smackdown guys on a PPV seems a little inconsistent to say the least), with the GM stating that it would be a match between Swagger and Edge, Del Rio skulked off at this point.
The match wasn’t bad, but the crowd really didn’t get into it at all. The crowd reaction was so flat that even the announcers tried to make excuses for them with King noting that the crowd are enjoying watching these guys beat each other up because they are both bad guys, with Stryker adding that crowd was recovering from the last match... yeah right.
Every time I see Jack Swagger wrestle, he seems to have added another of Kurt Angle’s moves to his repertoire. In this match we saw him do the Angle spot where he runs and throws his opponent from the top rope.
The match climaxed with Swagger getting Edge with the Gut-Wrench Powerbomb, and Edge getting the Spear for the win. The in-ring stuff in this match was pretty decent, Edge and Swagger work well together, but without any build-up the crowd really didn’t give a shit, which made the match feel dull and lifeless.
Match rating: **


Match four: John Cena versus Wade Barrett

Much of the drama of this match was diminished from the outside by the aforementioned WCW moment, FFS WWE. On the whole, this was a solid match, Cena and Barrett put on an excellent performance. Early on this match, Cena had Barrett upon his shoulders for the Attitude Adjustment, when Nexus came down the ramp to ring-side. It seems that ‘interference’ must be defined as physically attacking John Cena, this did not happen and Barrett confronted the Nexus. I was hoping at this point that the rest of the Nexus would attack Barrett, therefore disqualifying Cena, but WWE didn’t think to do this, because the match carried on with the Nexi at ringside. The WWE baby-faces then came down to the ring to beat down on Nexus and everyone left.
The crowd were pretty hot for this match, especially when Barrett kicked out of a top-rope Leg Drop and the AA, and Cena kicked out of Wasteland. The climax of the match came when Cena had the STFU locked in and Michael McGillicuddy ran in only to be tackled by the ref. Husky Harris then ran out of the crowd and hit Cena with a weapon whilst the ref’s attention was still on McGillicuddy, Cena was then pinned for the win. During the climax of the match, King and Cole were making out that the guys who came to ring were ‘fans’, though it was really obvious who they were.
I think that the highlight of this match was after the match had finished and the camera cut to some members of the crowd in complete shock. Children and adults alike were in absolute disbelief; I don’t think I’ve seen anything like this since Hogan lost at Wrestlemania VI. Love him or hate him (or as I do, not really give a crap either way), this was a pivotal moment in Cena’s career and probably the WWE for at least the next few months. The repercussions of this match are more important than the match itself, let’s see how WWE play this one.
Match rating: ****


Match five: Divas


Match six: World Heavyweight Championship, Hell in a Cell
Undertaker versus Kane (c)

Hmm, you may as well read my review of the same match for Night of Champions. Watching two old guys relive a feud from over a decade ago using the same move set as each other doesn’t make for interesting TV, especially as Undertaker is clearly hurting these days.
The match had one of the most contrived moments I’ve seen on WWE in years, Taker signalled that it was time to finish and there was a crash of lightning and the lights went out for a moment. Paul Bearer came in with the urn, and just as I was making a joke about green smoke and the urn shenanigans of years past, the urn suddenly flashed and blinded taker allowing Kane to get the win.
I hope to God that this feud is now dead and buried (geddit?).
Match rating *½.


On the whole this was a pretty mediocre PPV which was saved by two matches. The US Championship and the Barrett versus Cena match were the highlights. With WWE advertising Bragging Rights with the Nexus logo on the graphics ruining the impact of Cena losing, the reaction of the crowd meant that it was still a decent match.
PPV rating: ***

That Clown from Outta Town - iMPACT September 30 2010

Welcome to another episode of 'How will TNA fuck up this week'.

I'm watching the video online this week, and it's split up into a bunch of different videos...hopefully it won't get too confusing.

I'd say I hope they'll start with wrestling, but they did that last week and it wasn't great. Let's get this shit over with.

Vid 1

01:49 - Kurt v Abyss in a cage match...I always say this, but it could be awesome
06:06 - Fucking brawling again...it's so fucking boring...and they do it every fucking week
9:43 - That brawl was nearly 4 mins - that's as long as most iMPACT matches
11:11 - Beer Money v Dreamer & Rhino...in a lumberjack tag match. Can't wait :/

Vid 2

00:39 - Roode just clapped his hands to trick the ref into thinking there was a tag...except, THE REF WAS LOOKING RIGHT AT HIM, and still let it count as an actual tag.
04:14 - And it devolves into another ringside brawl. FFS TNA
4:49 - Shit match.
06:38 - Oh yay, a conversation
09:09 - A woman in the front row just happened to have a copy of Foley's book, and Flair just happened to notice and grab it...FFS TNA it's so obvious that was a plant you might as well have not bothered
09:41 - Although Flair elbow dropping his book was kinda worth it
11:30 - They both just busted themselves open. Not each other - themselves.

Vid 3

03:16 - God, that promo was a fucking mess
03:47 - Straight from one promo to another - this one starring Bischoff. FFS TNA
04:42 - ANDERSON v JOE FUCK YEAH JOE KILL HIM JOE
05:32 - Ink Inc v Gen Me - I wonder if MCMG will interfere :/
06:22 - I heard a horrible rumour about 'They', and if it turns out to be true I'm really going to be pissed off.

Vid 4

01:26 - Pretty decent match...for iMPACT. I was surprised there was no interference
02:23 - I really hope Joe wins this
02:47 - And goes on to win the title
05:10 - FUCK YEAH JOE BREAK HIS FUCKING SPINE
05:45 - JESUS FUCK TNA WHY DO YOU ALWAYS FUCK WITH JOE MATCHES JUST FUCK OFF POPE
10:16 - YES PUT HIM OUT JOE
10:43 - Oh, fuck you TNA

The day Anderson beats Joe fair and square is the day I stop watching TNA. Let me know if either:

a) Bischoff & Hogan leave
b) Joe gets the belt

Until then, I'm jumping ship to WWE.

Worst Characters Ever!: Loch Ness

As I've mentioned in my last post, I've been watching WCW Nitro, I'm into early-96 and the Cruiserweight division is starting to take shape with the introduction of a dedicated title.

Anyway, the character I want to talk about today is Loch Ness, older fans may recognise him as Giant Haystacks; but this isn't about the man, it is about the gimmick.

As part of the Dungeon of Doom stable (which contained other members such as The Giant, Zodiac, the Yeti, the aforementioned Kamala, and Kevin Sullivan), Loch Ness dominated most of his matches. He stood in the ring, turning slowly and not selling moves until he could either fall on his opponent or drop the elbow. Now I say elbow, it was more like getting a face full of back fat, if you've ever seen a stunt man jump off a building onto one of those massive inflatable pillow things, that's the kind of effect I mean.

So Loch Ness's in-ring skills makes Rob Terroid look like Chris Jericho, his promos were conducted by Mullet of the South Jimmy Hart, when he did speak his accent was clearly English, and his character was English and name after a lake.

I know what you're thinking: what about the Loch Ness Monster? I hate to be pedantic but the lake and the monster are not the same thing. It's like Frankenstein and his monster, they are two different things. This being put aside, even if the name of the monster is Loch Ness, he's certainly not English. For our American readers who aren't the best a geography, Scotland is not part of England - they are separate countries which fall under the rule of the United Kingdom (the clue's in the name).

Logic aside, Loch Ness left WCW quite abruptly due to illness, he then died of fat.

Wrestling's crappest heels revisited - Kamala

After much pressure from Socko I have decided to go back to my crappiest heel gimmicks, this time I will be looking at "the Ugandan Giant" Kamala.

What can I say about this gentleman apart from the fact that he's about as African as an Inuit. Kamala AKA James Harris was born and raised in Mississippi.

Looking at his in ring gimmick, an African cannibal? Barefoot and loincloth clad he would show of some pretty impressive technical wrestling skills before finishing them off with a running splash. Many times this splash would be when they are face down and he would attempt to pin them in that state - at this point his manager would point out to him that he needs to turn them over, this would usually eat up about a minute of TV time - towards the end of his WWF run he would be assisted by the crowd.


An early match featuring the Ugandan Giant.

The mic skills of this guy weren't great, he had a string of managers to do his talking for him including Harvey Wippleman, Freddie Blassie and some gimpish explorer with a strange white face mask on.

Early in his career with WWF they would do promo's of him "eating" live chickens (they would create a situation with lots of feather and make out like it's dinner time).

His character was involved in quite an interesting feud with The Undertaker, this feud gave birth to Casket Matches. In order to hold Kamala's large stature in a coffin, The Undertaker needed to build an especially large one - this took a few weeks and was seemingly only worked on during promo's!

This classic promo features The Undertaker and the now legendary Paul Bearer letting Kamala know what's in store and that he should be a tad scared.


And so it came to pass, Kamala was sealed into the casket and his character became nervous and agitated. This was towards the end of his WWF career and he had brief a run as a babyface where the Reverend Slick would attempt to humanise him with hilarious consequences. On one occasion he was taught to use a bowl.

He had a trial for WCW and appeared once or twice but nothing really came of it.

He did also make a couple of comebacks in the WWE by taking part in the Gimmick battle royal which was won by The (legendary) Iron Sheik and made a couple of appearances on Raw.

Overall, he was shit.

Worst Characters Ever!: Disco Inferno

“He’s so cocky, he’s so cool, he’s just a disco dancing fool”

I’ve not mentioned it until now, but to mark the 15th anniversary of the start of WCW Nitro earlier this month, I decided to watch it from the beginning (I'm up to Januaey 1996). I’ve read a few books on WCW, and some wrestling biographies, so had a sense of all the backstage bullshit, but I realised that I hadn’t watched it until it had gone past saving.

I’ve been watching it with an open mind and, comparing it with Raw in ’95, WCW were actually putting out a half-decent show. The main-events were mostly bullshit, with the belt being passed every other episode between Hogan, Flair, Savage and Luger, but some of the mid-card stuff was genuinely excellent. With stars like Sabu, Chris Benoit, Eddie Guerrero, Jushin Liger, Dean Malenko, Psychosis, Alex Wright, Konan and (the very underrated) Johnny B. Badd, appearing most weeks and putting on some stellar matches, it is actually worth watching. This is WCW pre-nWo, pre-Outsiders, pre-Bischoff as character; the show had momentum and energy and the formula can still be seen today in the better episodes of Impact. The commentary was pretty dire. Bobby Heenan made for an obvious heel colour commentator, Bischoff was the play-by-play guy and Steve “Mongo” McMichael also as a colour commentator. Steve McMichael is plain awful; during every show he sits with some ugly dog called Pepe and bickers with Bobby the Brain. In a match between Eddie Guerrero and Chris Benoit, Eddie hits a Tornado DDT, Mongo comes out with the line: “Wow that move has never been done on this planet and if you think you've seen it before you have more rocks in your head than Heenan.” Hmm...

Anyway, I’m getting sidetracked. WCW also had some terrible characters, and the one I want to share with you today is Disco Inferno. Disco Inferno is basically a wrestler based on John Travolta’s character in Saturday Night Fever, well, kind of. Mr Inferno would come to the ring dressed in disco garb, and do a weird wiggly dance whist pointing his hands and the most lacklustre way imaginable. Was he meant to be shit? Was that his gimmick? I would have loved to have been at the meeting when someone came up with this character. “How about a wrestler who’s a disco dancer?”, “I love it, let’s put him on TV”. Take a look at the clips and try and understand how the hell this guy lasted for 6 years in WCW, and won a few titles? The mind boggles, it really does.

That Clown from Outta Town - iMPACT September 23rd 2010

How are TNA going to disappoint me this week? Only one way to find out...

1:33 - At first I was like "Fuck yeah, starting with a match this week", then I was like "Oh, it's Rob Terry..."
2:10 - RVD completely unmarked...maybe he's secretly Wolverine
2:46 - So, the idea behind Abyss' angle is he kidnapped two staff members, tortured and branded them, and instead of having him arrested, or suspending or firing him, TNA just give him a match on the following iMPACT...what is this? What actually is this?
4:12 - I'd love to see Rob Terry and Rob Van Dam start a tag team called "The Robs". That was a lie.
6:11 - Who the fuck put this match together? Terry v Abyss? How did that ever sound like it'd be a good match?
8:28 - RVD does actually have a couple of bandages on...
9:26 - 2 guys = 'wall of security'
10:30 - Fuck, Bischoff...Bischoff and RVD...FUCK
11:44 - I can't wait to see Angle tear RVD's face off and feed it to him
15:53 - BOOORING, BOOORING, BOOORING
17:44 - So far, we've had a boring match followed by two back-to-back boring promos, both involving Bischoff...
18:45 - Followed by a Knockouts promo
19:00 - Followed by a video package about Shannon Fucking Moore
24:34 - They gave that shit the better part of six minutes...I've seen great wrestlers in shitty 3 or 4 minute matches, and they give Shannon Moore six to just flap his jaw and show some old photos? Fuck off, TNA
24:40 - Followed by ANOTHER Pope & Bischoff promo
24:59 - FUCK YEAH JOE v POPE...JOE'S GONNA KILL YOU JOE'S GONNA KILL YOU
25:27 - Gen Me...or one of them at least :)
26:04 - How come RVD get stripped of the title when he gets injured, but Shelley doesn't?
30:33 - Not a bad match, weak pin though - Enziguri followed by a roll-up is enough to put people away nowadays? Since when?
32:11 - Whoo, Wilde & Hamada are back :) 100% chance of Madison getting involved
32:26 - Another fucking Pope promo??
32:49 - And a Jarrett promo...
39:44 - Hello, Madison
41:03 - Much better match by Lacey this week - she was using much more basic moves, but didn't fuck up any of them. There was a botched hurricarana, but that's not exactly basic. First time she's looked like a rookie instead of a wannabe...definite improvement
42:19 - FUCK HIM UP JOE KILL HIM
42:33 - On the one hand, no way can Pope beat Joe, but on the other hand if Joe wins then this match is entirely pointless...I'm gonna say Pope to win by screwjob
47:54 - Nope, Joe wins :D
48:09 - Followed by another boring ringside brawl
49:24 - WHERE IS TEAM 3D?
49:40 - FUCK YEAH SABU v AJ IN A MOTHERFUCKING LADDER MATCH
50:07 - But first, another boring Anderson promo
52:22 - Angle and Anderson in the ring together...they were bitter enemies last time we saw them, wonder if they'll just blow it off like nothing happened?
58:16 - Yup, they're all buddy buddy and shaking hands
63:31 - I love Lethal Lockdowns, as long as Hogan/Bischoff/Flair stay out of it
64:00 - AJ v Sabu in a ladder match :) Surely not even TNA could fuck this up
70:30 - If this is No DQ, why doesn't Morgan just grab Sabu while AJ nips up the ladder?
72:38 - Another fucking ringside brawl
74:41 - And AJ wins it :D I'm supporting Fortune in this feud to be honest, they're all TNA guys and not interlopers...except Foley, he's got a good claim to either faction
75:30 - Followed by a boring conversation between RVD and Hardy...
76:39 - Followed by an OFF FUCKING CAMERA beatdown
79:27 - Followed by a bullshit Abyss promo instead of a proper main event
81:41 - I still have no idea who 'They' are...last time there was a mystery character coming in like this it was Judas Messias, so not anticipating anything great
85:15 - Looked like the sound guys botched the run-in...Abyss was just standing there for no obvious reason for like 30 seconds

Another lame iMPACT. Too much talking, no decent matches despite three which had potential to be awesome. I'm not even angry any more, it's pretty much exactly what I expected.