A review of all things Pro Wrestling. WWE Raw, Smackdown, NXT, TNA Impact, PWG, WCW, ECW, CZW, IWP, NWA, ROH and much more.
Features, reviews. Greatest matches and promos, worst matches and characters. Predictions and opinions.
Can you smell what the Sock is cooking?
Before Beer Money, James Storm, alongside Chris Harris, was one half of one of the greatest tag teams in TNA history: America's Most Wanted. These guys had great chemistry and they looked like bad asses. Today I want to share one of their best matches, a cage match against Triple X (Elix Skipper and Christopher Daniels). The stipulation for the match was that the losers of this match would have to disband. Enjoy!
I've been thinking about those moves in wrestling which just make you gasp and say a swear. And fuck me, this is one of them. Petey Williams' Canadian Destroyer was probably the first move that came to mind when I thought about this set of features. Would love to see what some of the other writers make of this and some of their own favourites (hint hint) and maybe compile a greatest wrestling moves ever list... anyway, here it is.
As you can see, it is a kind of fucked up flip into a pile-driver. It's the type of move that if done wrong could probably kill someone. Especially if said move was done, say, through a ladder...
Now repeat after me: 'Holy Shit! Holy Shit! Holy Shit!'
I've made no secret of the fact that I think that Abyss is a waddling fat fuck who doesn't deserve to be given the push that he is at the moment. But, there was a time when Abyss was in shape and put on a decent match. The match I want to share with you today is a great cage match with one of the most brutal ref bumps I think I've ever seen. It just goes to show how bad Abyss is today. Maybe its because he's a face, or maybe because he's now 'in excess' of 350 pounds, who knows?
Anyway, enjoy:
I'm doped up on antiarrhythmic medication right now so this might not make any sense...but anyway, here we go:
3:20 - Starting with a match! Awesome. Why the christ can't they do this on iMPACT? 4:00 - Kurt v Kaz. This'll be great. 19:39 - Awesome match, Kurt was as good as ever, Kaz made a pretty good showing of himself too, I was shocked when he kicked out of the Angle Slam...great way to start a PPV :D 22:28 - 2 matches in a row with no bullshit talking in between? They should do this every week, this is awesome... 27:46 - Kendrik v Doug is really good too - I'm surprised to see Kendrick trying to outwrestle Doug. 28:28 - I just looked at a man's arse to find out whether you spell his name with a 'c' or not...that's a new low. 34:44 - Nice win by Douggie - I'm loving his title run. 1-0 England...although I'm pretty sure Wolfe is gonna make it 1-1. Or rather, I'm pretty sure Chelsea is gonna make it 1-1... 37:05 - Knockouts - fast forwarding 49:21 - Sweet, Jesse v Bubba :D 52:11 - Bubba on the mic - he's one of the best in the world at this 62:04 - HOLY FUCKING SHIT IT'S TOMMY FUCKING DREAMER 63:05 - I can't believe Jesse won...I can't believe Dreamer's in TNA... 67:54 - Morgan v Hernandez - This could be anything from utter shite to pretty damn good... 79:14 - Yeah, not great - epic ref bump though 83:58 - I don't have high hopes for this match...last time Wolfe and Abyss hooked up it was awful, I don't think making it a Monster's Ball is gonna make it any better...plus, Chelsea is blatantly gonna screw Wolfe :( 85:17 - Barbed wire board looks fun though 87:53 - Barbed wire teddy bear - WTF 90:21 - Ok, I was wrong - this is pretty damn good 92:01 - Holy shit, powerbomb onto the barbed wire board 93:49 - Face first into the broken glass...damn, this is nasty :D 95:25 - That was way better than I thought it'd be...ending was predictable though 98:03 - Liking RVD's Iron Man tights 100:25 - Woop woop, here comes AJ v Lethal...this match is gonna kill 120:17 - Not as great as I thought it'd be, but it was still pretty damn good...really cool to see Lethal getting a push after all this time, a clean win over AJ is pretty big. 123:16 - I really hope Sting beats RVD...won't happen though 124:49 - Hardy/Anderson v Beer Money...I don't have high hopes for this one either 138:31 - This is a lot better than I thought it'd be...Both Hardy and Anderson seem a lot better as tag wrestlers than singles. 145:00 - That was a really cool tag match...Hardy and Anderson are kinda like Storm and Roode, neither are exactly my favourite on their own, but together they're really good. 152:58 - I'm actually kinda excited for this match :O 153:53 - I really like RVD's ring gear tonight. 154:23 - Van Crushinator...VAN ASSASINATOR 166:22 - Ref bump - new champ plz 166:53 - And here comes fucking Jarrett to ruin it :( 168:49 - Fucking RVD is still champ :( Fuck this company 169:35 - I think that was probably the best RVD match I've seen since he's been in TNA
That was an ok PPV, started very strong, then fizzled out a little but it was still pretty good. I'm not sure what's going to happen on iMPACT, I can't think of anything that I really want to see the next stage of - they seemed to tie up all the loose ends, anything that follows on from the PPV is gonna feel forced as hell. Except Wolfe/Chelsea, but seriously, who gives a fuck about Chelsea? Is anyone in the fucking world interested in what happens next with her?
After 23 days in the wilderness, I’m back. So let’s not waste time and get to the review of TNA’s Slammiversary VIII. Before watching the PPV I caught up on the Impacts from the past three weeks and was surprised by the low key build-up for many of the matches, oh apart from Hardy/Anderson teaming up and the ‘Why Sting, why?’ angle still being as funny as hell. Why Sting, why?
The first match of the evening was a welcome surprise, but one, which upon reflection, fits in perfectly with Angle starting at the bottom (well, number 11) of the TNA top 10 rankings. TNA and consistent storylines don’t usually happen, so I’m interested to see how this one pans out. Anyway, in the opening match we had Kazarian and Kurt Angle. This is how a PPV or an episode of Impact should open, with a decent match. Of course, the match was so good that it probably made the rest of the show not look as good. The crowd intensity peaked during this match, so the rest of the event was just a little bit quieter (but thank God, throughout the first match one shrill scream could be heard throughout the match, which was most disconcerting, whoever that screaming woman was, would you please shut the fuck up in future?). What made me laugh was when the fans were chanting ‘USA USA USA’; who was that for exactly? Angle, who’s American or Kaz, who also happens to be an American? Give yourselves a pat on the back for that one.
There were some pretty awesome moves during this one, with Kaz having the upperhand early on even getting Angle with the Ulmari driver (that reverse tombstone thing), which with Angle’s neck the way it is, was pretty nasty. Angle beat Kaz with the ankle lock and moved up in the rankings.
Next up was Brian Kendrick versus Doug Williams for the X Division title. This match had been set up with Williams being against the high-flying style of the X-Division. Which is why Kendrick (also a heel, I might add) spent most of the match brawling in the ring with Douglas. Douglas then finished the match with one of the most uncomfortable and least graceful Tornado DDTs I think I’ve ever seen. With Kendrick grounded, the storyline just didn’t make a lot of sense, and with Kendrick avoiding the mic like someone’s offering him a poo to smell the match had little build-up. The only thing I learnt through Impact is that Kendrick is a psycho.... just like Nailz... Instead of Kendrick, they should have had Amazing Red, at least the disparity in styles would have been more pronounced and the crowd would have given a shit. Overall though, not a bad match
Next we had a bit with Eric Bischoff asking ‘Why Sting, why?’ Yawn. He then went on to talk about how great Rob Van Dam is. Yawn. Bischoff makes a great heel, but when he’s a babyface he is completely boring. If TNA need to have Eric Bischoff (which they don’t), then bring back Sleazy E, at least that way he’ll be vaguely entertaining.
Next up was Roxxi versus Madison Rayne for the Knockouts title. I must have been in the mood for self-flagellation because I knew this was going to be a stinker, but watched it anyway to see how bad it would be. The match began with Madison coming to the ring and takes the mic, she starts moaning to Roxxi that she has everything to lost and Roxxi has everything to gain, clearly not realising defending a title is meant to work. The match becomes a title versus career match, and as Roxxi was agreeing, Madion smacked her in the head with the mic and busted he wide open. It looked like a blade job, but it wasn’t. What it confirmed was that Roxxi is actually the daughter of Ric Flair, because no one else bleeds like that. Madison won, but when it comes to it, the Knockouts division is a joke now (they bring in a fat stripper, but ignore Hamada and Sarita, what the fuck?) and when it comes to it Roxxi’s been in about three matches this year, so she hadn’t exactly made waves on TNA. Not quite the stinker I thought it would be, but still a pretty poor match.
Next up was Brother Ray versus Jesse Neal in a Teacher versus Student match. This storyline from the beginning struck me a being weak and made Brother Ray look like a bit of a dick. Anyway, the match began with Brother Ray taking to the mic and apologising for being an arse candle and there were hugs all round. Just in case you forgot, this is a PPV, use the build up to cut promos... for fuck’s sake... but wait! Shock upon shock! It was all a ruse. Brother Ray socked Jesse on the head and threw him about 10 foot to the other side of the ring... much better, can we have some wrestling now please? The match played out like a squash match with Brother Ray beating on Jesse throughout. But then, I think we had the earth-shattering arrival of... Tommy Dreamer? Now don’t get me wrong, Tommy Dreamer was great, but that was over a decade ago. Also, he was retired by Zack Ryder (yes, the Raw jobber who’s still yet to win a match on Raw), which doesn’t exactly make him look like the most dominant of wrestlers. Hopefully his role will be similar to what Shane Douglas’s was back in the early days of TNA, or maybe he’ll bring Taz out of retirement. But honestly, I can’t see where he would fit in an already top-heavy roster. Anyway, with the distraction of Dreamer appearing in the crowd, Jesse took Brother Ray down with a spear for the pin. Pretty mediocre match.
Next up was Hernandez versus Matt Morgan, which was one of the few matches on this PPV I was excited about. The match began with Morgan coming out in his normal clothes, wearing a neck brace and selling a neck injury. He comes to the ring and, because this is a PPV, takes the mic to cut a promo. He handed the ref a doctor’s note which said he could not ‘perform’ (don’t say that, people will find out that wrestling’s fake!). As he walked away from the ring Hernandez arrived and threw him into the ring. Two matches in a row and two attempted swerves... don’t use the same gimmick two matches running. Anyway, the match was pretty evenly matched most of the way through with Hernandez working on Morgan’s neck and then Morgan going to work on Supermex’s shoulder. With months of aggression building up in Hernandez in his bid to get revenge over Morgan, how did the match end? With Supermex getting DQed for throwing the ref, I’m not even kidding. The brawling continued until the referee tried to stand in front of a kick and go smacked in the chest. This match was pretty disappointing and had a pointless ending. Let’s hope that Supermex reforms LAX again.
Next up was an interview with Hulk Hogan who was asking ‘Why Sting, why?’ Complaining that Sting had crossed the line (which is what I thought TNA was all about: their tagline is ‘Cross the Line’ for fuck’s sake, but of course Hogan wouldn’t know that because he’s only in it for his own ego). Hogan then went on to talk about ‘the code of ethics’ wrestlers have and that they shouldn’t destroy other wrestler’s careers. Now I’m not one to split hairs here, but hasn’t Hogan been cited by numerous sources as one of the main reasons for the fall of WCW and why many young wrestlers in WCW did not get a push? Anyway...
Next up was Abyss versus Desmond Wolfe in a Monster’s Ball match. Though you might to know it, Desmond Wolfe is one of the best technical wrestlers in TNA, if not the industry (watch some of his matches with Kurt Angle or Bryan Danielson on YouTube to see what I mean), so what do TNA do with such a gifted talent? They get him to hit Abyss over the head with a kendo stick a few times. These type of matches had their place about 10-15 years ago, but they just piss me off now. Why TNA still insists on these is beyond me. Abyss took some pretty hard shots with bin lids and a kendo stick and gets cut up with a board wrapped in barbed wire. It seemed odd that TNA would couple a hardcore match with a goofy ‘Beauty and the Beast’ style storyline. I’ve got to admit that I nearly pissed myself laughing when Desmond Wolfe pulled a teddy bear, wrapped in barbed wire, out of one of the bins. Hardcore! The match came to a climax and Wolfe wanted his brass knuckles from Chelsea (not realising that the ring was scattered with other potential sources of injury for Abyss). But... Shock upon shock! Chelsea gave the knuckles to Abyss who socked Wolfe and put him in a Black Hole Slam and getting the pin. Chelsea was stood, barbed-wired teddy bear in hand, aww... At this point I was expecting an anthropomorphic teapot to start a chorus with the teddy bear, singing a song about beauty being more than skin-deep or something. This match was just stupid... though I’m looking forward to the Match made in Heaven between Abyss and Chelsea booked for the next PPV... maybe...
Next up was, for me, one of the highlights of the PPV, Jay Lethal versus AJ. I’m really glad to see Lethal getting a push, he’s still got his comedy stuff, but now he’s himself which is great. I thought his entrance theme sucked donkey anus. I know they’ve dropped the Black Machismo gimmick, but they really needn’t have given him some generic rock music. Would have been funnier, even if it was for the short-term, for Lethal to come out to Flair’s theme, or at least a reworking of it, but what do I know?
The match was really good, and saw Lethal and AJ at their best. For some reason though, the crowd was a bit flat, maybe they’d yawned themselves to sleep with the Beauty and the Beast match? Lots of Flair-style chops and figure-four leg locks throughout. AJ even gave a nod to one of the other Horsemen, Arn Anderson, with a pretty nasty looking brain buster on Lethal. Wrestlers should watch this match to learn how to sell. With Lethal working on AJ’s knee we had AJ limping around a bit, then when it looked like AJ was going to suddenly forget about his injury and go up-top, his knee went from under him on the second rope. This is such a small detail, but one which certain wrestlers could learn from *cough* ROB VAN DAM *cough*. Lethal won with the pin... a very good match.
At the end of the match we saw a bit of a dressing down on AJ by Flair, and Kaz came out to calm him down. Flair reminded of the character Pop from League of Gentlemen when he finds out that his son was robbed:
I was hoping at this point in the match that Kaz would start kicking the shit out of AJ, but alas, he took Flair away and we are left with hints of a feud between Kaz and AJ which could be pretty cool.
Next up was the match between Hardy/Anderson, sorry, the Enigmatic Assholes, and Beer Money. Even though they’d spent far too much time hyping this match up on Impact, I had completely forgotten about it by the time it came on. On the whole, this wasn’t a bad match; it was just a bit dull. Beer Money lost, and nobody cared.
Finally, we had the main event Rob van Dam versus Sting. I really wanted to see RVD get beaten to a pulp with a baseball bat, but it wasn’t my night. Unsurprisingly RVD won. Unsurprisingly RVD didn’t sell or display any in-ring psychology. Unsurprisingly, Rob Van Dam did that thing with his arms to get people to chant his initials at every available opportunity. Unsurprisingly, Van Dam did the same spots he was doing over a decade ago. Unsurprisingly, there was a ref bump and a run-in by Jarrett. Unsurprisingly, the match was unsurprising. The amount of times I groaned and tutted during this match made me sound like I was speaking some weird African dialect.
I’m now officially sick of RVD. He got handed the championship and he’s a boring egomaniac. TNA have always bumped ex-WWE wrestlers to the top of their roster without realising that it is damaging for them in the long-run. TNA are doing the right thing with Jay Lethal, letting him find his feet then putting him over when he was ready. Rob Van Dam is not Mr TNA, at the moment, that would go to AJ, or Lethal, or Kaz, or whoever really. If TNA ever want to compete with WWE on a serious level, they need to put their own home grown talent above the ex-WWEers, otherwise they’ll always be seen as the company that repackages the WWE rejects. One of the reasons that WCW failed was because they didn’t spend enough time building up their own talent. The WWE spends time building characters up. Look at Steve Austin, who was the Ring Master when he came to WWE, or Reverend Batista, or Johnny Nitro, or Rocky Maivia, or Hunter Hirst Helmsley... you get the picture.
Ahh, it’s good to be back at the helm of the good ship Socko...
This had better be good, I'm missing the World Cup to watch this - if it's as bad as last week's I'll probably just skip it.
3:21 - Christ, talking again...start with a fucking match ffs! 11:10 - If RVD runs in and makes a save, I won't be happy. Hardy either for that matter. 11:34 - And there's Hardy. FFS. 13:15 - Wow, only 13 minutes before the first match of the night... 27:10 - Seems much better this week...I'm looking forward to the Jesse v Bubba match 28:03 - They're showing the Sting v Jarrett match again - I could watch it every week :) 33:01 - Oh yay, more talking... 35:00 - Hernandez is back? Sweet :D 39:35 - Best tag match ever - one team fighting themselves. 42:29 - Another classic Band victory over Matt Morgan :) 45:48 - FUCK YEAH ANGLE - who's he fighting? 47:47 - HOLY SHIT Angle v Red - Talk about a fucking dream match, this should be the PPV 52:24 - Pretty good match, kinda short but they always seem to be on iMPACT nowadays. I'd love a PPV rematch. 53:33 - I'm liking Sting's new direction. 57:45 - The Slammiversary lineup looks great, except no Joe, as well as Abyss v Wolfe 2...Simple solution, Wolfe v Joe :) 59:31 - The 8 man tag...not particularly interested in this. The main events lately have been pretty lame. 60:58 - Just realised, no Knockouts whatsoever this week - nice :) 69:43 - This match is actually pretty neat 81:07 - Not a bad iMPACT, I'm not exactly pumped for the PPV though - all I'm looking forward to is Angle v Kaz, AJ v Lethal and Bubba v Jesse...
Anyway, we got beer, we got pizza, LET'S FUCKING DO THIS!
1:47 - AJ, Lethal and Kaz 3-way - awesome :D 2:24 - God fucking damn it, starting with talking AGAIN. I want wrestling! That's why I fucking tuned in! 7:53 - Eric Bischoff: "We put these fans first" - booing and laughter from the crowd 8:16 - FUCK YEAH JOE FUCK HIM UP 9:18 - NO FUCK OFF JOE DOESN'T NEED ROB VAN DAM TO HELP HIM OUT! FUCK YOU TNA! 9:33 - I really hope Joe smashes RVD for that. 11:37 - Jesus, this is awful - RVD has raised the bar since coming to TNA? What the fuck are you talking about, Hogan? 12:17 - That was a terrible opening. Off to a bad start. It was good last week without Hogan and Bish, then they come back and it's shit again. I'd be excited about the four-way if I didn't know it'd be a Bischoff-special bullshit ending :( Hopefully they main show will be decent. 13:52 - There's a new knockout who's gimmick is she's a fat stripper? Jesus fuck, this is the worst iMPACT ever. I'm actually gonna watch this one to see if it's as bad as it looks to be. 16:49 - Yeah that was pretty bad...at least it was very short. Rosie's kinda like a cross between Awesome Kong and Rikishi, but nowhere near as good as either. And she has Matt Lucas' face, which is very disturbing. 18:02 - Oh god, it talks. Please don't make that happen again TNA. Just bring back Kong and give Hamada and Taylor a push - I'd watch every week. 20:09 - 20 mins in, finally something with the potential to be good is happening. Fuck 'em up, Jay! 25:47 - That was pretty cool, nice comedy match - don't see it very often :) Wish they woulda put a mic in there so you could hear it properly...More of that please TNA. 28:57 - Here comes Kurt - FUCK HIM UP ANGLE, WE WANT YOU TO GET TO JOE 29:34 - Kurt: "I like my opponent to know exactly what I'm going to do to them before I step foot in the ring" Fan: "FUCK HIM IN THE ASS! FUCK HIM IN THE ASS!" You gotta love TNA fans. 49:50 - Am I going mad or has there only been 9 minutes of wrestling so far?? 50:56 - Finally the match actually starts. Fuck ringside brawling. Fuck it right in the ear. 57:03 - Not a great match...it wasn't bad but it was nothing to write home about. 57:16 - Jesus christ, how much air time is the fucking Beer Money/Anderson & Hardy angle going to get toinight? It feels like it's been going on for like half an hour - and nothing interesting has happened. If they just put Red vs Doug or something in the middle it would be way better. 5 minutes of decent wrestling, then go back to the boring crap - not half hour blocks of it. 62:22 - This match is boring. I never liked Roode as a singles wrestler. 65:40 - Fully 25 mins of that crappy feud. Jesus christ. I wish I'd fast forwarded instead of watching it. 66:44 - Abyss & Rob Terry vs Orlando Jordan & Desmond Wolfe...haven't we suffered enough tonight, TNA? Can't you just do us a favour and end the show early or something rather than serving this shit up? 68:00 - 16 minutes left, and there's a tag match as well as a 4-way. Both are going to be shit, because there's nowhere near enough time to make them interesting. Meanwhile, the build up to a single tag match at the PPV gets 25 mins. This is one of the worst iMPACTs I've seen. 73:24 - Terrible match. 75:22 - The four way, including entrances and any post-match, is 8 minutes long. This is going to be absolute shite. And I'm pretty sure it'll be a screwjob too. 76:55 - FUCK YEAH HERE COMES JOE FUCK EM UP JOE 83:57 - Fucking awful iMPACT. If I wanted to watch shit, I'd watch WWE. Sort it the fuck out TNA.
Before Beer Money, James Storm, alongside Chris Harris, was one half of one of the greatest tag teams in TNA history: America's Most Wanted. These guys had great chemistry and they looked like bad asses. Today I want to share one of their best matches, a cage match against Triple X (Elix Skipper and Christopher Daniels). The stipulation for the match was that the losers of this match would have to disband. Enjoy!
