iMPACT, Feb 9th, 2012

It turns out that the Blogger android app is a piece of shit, so I'm going to be using Twitter for my 'wrestling fan yelling at the TV' stuff, but I will make an effort to recap the shows here.

The show started out pretty well, Daniels and AJ was a pretty good way to start the show. The Kaz situation is a little silly, TNA seems to have a fondness for 'Oh, what is this big mystery all about? Find out in 3 months after we're done drip-feeding you enough information that you don't forget about it, but not enough that you actually care' storylines (Winter/Angelina, Garrett's trainer, etc.) but I don't think the fans really care. I certainly don't, all I know is AJ is being kept away from the title picture by a feud with Daniels again. I don't care what Kaz's deal is. I just want it over so we can see a storyline that actually matters.

Magnus gave a really good promo, better than anything I've seen him do before on TV (he did a great one in Dublin, but live is live and TV is TV), I really hope him and Joe get the belts at the PPV. I'm not sure they will though, TNA have made a rod for their own back with Crimson - they can't give him the belt because nobody gives a shit about him, and he can't be beaten because all he has going for him is his winning streak...so what do you do? Give him a belt that nobody cares about and forget about him, and hope people start to take notice. Problem is, they've lumbered him with Morgan who has also failed to win over the fans even after being with the company for several years. If they'd brought back Amazing Red to team with Crimson it would have been a different story, but it doesn't seem Morgan can get the job done.

Then we had Aries v Shelley v Doug in a great 3-way. It's good to see Doug back, he's one of the best in TNA. I don't really care who wins at the PPV, I'd prefer Aries but the X-Division is a shadow of its former self. It's still good, but it used to be amazing and groundbreaking...I'd love to see it come back to prominence again.

The second half of the show was pretty much what you'd expect from TNA, too much Hogan/Bischoff, too much talking, a screwjob in the main event. Velvet got a clean win over Mickie though, which I didn't see coming...although, since Kharma returned to WWE at the Rumble, the only womens wrestling I really want to see is her actual comeback.

I'd give my predictions for Against All Odds, but I can honestly only remember 2 or 3 matches so there's no point. Too much screen time for Hogan/Bischoff, not enough time building up matches. TNA in a nutshell.

ROH TV - 4th February - KEVIN STEEN returns!

Show opened with clips from the TV Title match between Lethal, Generico and Bennett from Final Battle 2011. I didn’t see this one because I’ve had problems with IPPVs before and though better of it.

Kelly and McGuinness introduced the show from Baltimore. Every time I here Baltimore it makes me think of the Wire, which in turn makes me think of the Urban Wrestling Federation (yes, I know it’s based in Philly, but that’s how my mind works). They hype up the TV title match between Bennett and Lethal. Bennett did a promo saying how he was going to be the next champ, and how the audience could be proud to have him as a TV champ. Mike Bennett’s not the best worker in the world, his talents pales in comparison to the likes of Edwards and Lethal, but I think he makes a great heel and he’s got a great gimmick.


The first match saw Lethal beat Bennett by pin-fall with a crucifix to retain the title. This was a good TV match, good pace, commentary told a great story and Lethal looked like a star.


Next up was an interview with Eddie Edwards. I really like Edwards, in-ring this guy is easily one of the best workers outside of Japan. I can imagine that if he was to go to TNA or WWE he’d just bob around the lower-mid card for a few months before getting dropped. I’m just not convinced by him in interviews, and I think if he went to another promotion, this would be bad for his drawing power.

Tonight’s ROH is, however, the TV return of Kevin Steen. Unlike WWE or TNA where a firing angle will be resolved within a month (or not even a week if you’re John Cena), ROH had Steen away from the promotion for a year. In the big picture, it takes a little away from the ‘loser leaves town stip’, but at least they followed it through for a good while and had a build up to Steen’s potential return.

Steen came down to the ring and Kevin Kelly noted that Steen had been re-instated but at what cost. They really put over that Steen was a dangerous guy to be near, this was awesome. Steen responded by asking why ROH would keep down their best wrestler for a year. He said it was because he wouldn’t suck up to Cornette – this was a great promo. They seem to be hinting at doing what could have been the CM Punk holding the WWE title hostage angle, but they’ll probably have the guts to do it right. Cornette came out and laid into him. I love Cornette, not sure about him as a babyface GM, but the heel GM thing has been done to death. Steen ended by saying he was going to kick Richards’ ass, become the new champion and be the bane of Cornette’s life. Great stuff.

Next match was for the tag titles: Haas and Benjamin versus the Young Bucks. They had a decent TV match, but it felt a bit stilted a points. Bucks won via DQ, when Benjamin used a steel chair.

I quite like the way the Bucks have evolved lately. They are still doing their crazy high-spots, but they make sense in the matches now rather than just being some nice acrobatics with no real context.

My guilty pleasure that I'm not at all guilty about...

Anyone that knows me knows that I am not generally an enthusiastic person but in life there are a few things that even people like me can enthuse about.

One of the things that can get me lively and acting like an obnoxiously excitable tool is professional wrestling. I did however get a bit of a shock recently when an acquaintance dropped the bomb – he told me that it wasn’t real. This did come as a bit of a shock as I didn’t realise that there are simpletons like him in the world. Of course it’s real, on the 26^th of January 2012 for the fourth year in a row I was in attendance for the TNA impact tour, sitting three rows from the front and shouting like a twat it felt pretty real to me.

I’m not stupid, I know that it’s simulated violence but does that make it any less real? No, of course it doesn’t. I don’t know how each match is going to finish and I don’t know what each wrestler is going to do or how they are going to act (act being the operative word).

It really irks me when people tell me that it’s not real on the basis that they are not really fighting as if they’re telling me something that I just can’t grasp. I don’t turn round to people and say that Tom Cruise wasn’t really being shot at in Mission Impossible (unfortunately) or that Paul Newman wasn’t really trying to con someone in The Sting yet to anyone who hasn’t seen these films it comes as a surprise. When I see AJ Stiles Vs. Christopher Daniels squaring up in the four-sided-six-sided-squared circle then anything can happen.

It’s theatre, pure and simple and people need to realise that just because there’s no ground and pound and just because they aren’t recognised actors doesn’t take anything away from the passion and the sense of drama that I get when shout whatever stupid slogan I can think of at the time like a complete and utter twat.

Long may it last.

Royal Rumble 2012

I think we all know Sheamus is gonna win this thing. Still, Punk v Dolph should be pretty interesting, someone's getting screwed but no idea who or how.

LET'S DO THIS

Nice, Bryan's up first...he's gonna get battered though

Michael Cole hates conceited people, apparently

Did Booker just say "This is fucking dangerous"

Holy shit, Bryan not only won, but won clean...awesome

And since he's a heel now, there's a good chance Punk might actually pull it off too

Kane v Cena...tempted to fast forward because I really don't give a shit

Cena can lift Big Show but not Kane...what

Pretty dull match...this should have gone first

Oh god, this is painful...the suffocation move looks terrible

I wonder what happened to the guy who won Tough Enough. Haven't heard from him in ages.

It's turned into a backstage brawl...boring as fuck

Kane v Ryder in a wheelchair is actually pretty funny...that should have been the actual match

That got a lot better after the match finished

Drew McIntyre gets a match? Why?. Literally nobody gives a fuck about him

OH SHIT ITS THE FUNKASAURUS

You'd think this'd get old.,,Nope.

Another quick win. I'm curious to see what'll happen when he gets a serious opponent

Punk time...Gonna grab some snacks and a beer, and enjoy the show.

Powebomb from Punk...don't think I've seen that before

FUCKING REF BUMP, NOT NOW WWE, DO THIS SHIT TO CENA OR ORTON OR WHOEVER THE FUCK BUT NOT DURING AN ACTUALLY DECENT MATCH

Very nice GTS reversal by Ziggler

Good match, the ref bump added nothing and it would have worked much better with no shenanigans...but still tied for match of the night with the cage match

RUMBLE TIME MOTHERFUCKER

So, Sheamus is going to win, but I'm hoping for Foley. Or THE MOTHERFUCKING FUNKASAURUS

Miz is number 1. This is good because he won't win, but bad because he's on my screen right now

Miz v Alex Riley...flashbacks to when the WWE was shit

FOLEY FOLEY FOLEY

Ricardo Rodriguez best entrance so far

Cobra v Socko is my favourite moment of the show so far

Foley's gone...it's all up to Brodus now. If he's even in it.

Holy shit, Kofi walking on his hands to avoid elimination...amazing

Dolph's in it...so Brodus might be...LETS GO FUNKASAURUS

Hacksaw Jim Duggan :D

FUCK YEAH KHARMA'S BACK WIN THIS THING KONG

Goddamit shes gone

Fuck, Booker said Sheamus is his number one pick, so he cant possibly win...gotta be a heel then...please don't be Miz

No Funkasaurus :(

Ok so down to Sheamus and Y2J...but Booker said Sheamus was gonna win, so it has to be Jericho, right?

Nope, I was right all along...Booker just threw me off

iMPACT, Jan 19th 2012

It's amazing that Robert Roode and Daniel Bryan have the exact same angle, but with Bryan I can't wait to see what'll happen next and with Roode I just want to sleep through it.

Sting < Laurenaitas < Teddy Long

TNA are going to England and I won't be there T_T

Kaz is the worst heel

Magnus comes to the ring

Magnus gets pinned

Crimson is the least convincing monster I think I've ever seen

At least Joe's kicking some arse

Eric Young makes me laugh

Fire Garrett

Oh god, they actually did a Garrett montage so now he's good at wrestling what the fuck TNA that's not how real life works

Knockouts cage match...haven't seen one of these in a while

Actually pretty decent

MCMG music, thought Sabin was back and got all excited but it's just Shelly

He's actually a lot better on the mic than I remember

Eric Young v Angelina...pretty dumb since all the fans know they can't show male on female violence on Spike

As dumb as I thought it'd be, but anthing with Eric is worth watching

Main event...there will definitely be a screwjob, so fastforwarding

Yup, screwjob...surprised it's Bubba not Roode

Back?

So I got a nice new flatscreen, meaning I can watch wrestling from my couch...meaning i can't watch and type at the same time.

Except now I have a smartphone so I can do Socko's Review again.

Expect biased, pro-Funkasaurus posts soon.

Things are looking up!

A few months ago I made the conscious decision to stop writing about wrestling until TNA got better. I was pretty down on the product and didn’t want to turn into one of those ‘smart marks’ who pick apart and highlight all the problems that a wrestling show has, thereby sapping the joy out of something which is meant to be entertaining. TNA has been great over the past month or so, so as my first dip back into writing after a few months hiatus here are my 10 reasons why TNA is great.
1) Austin Aries. I could just leave it there. I’ve been a fan of Aries for a few years now and I cannot for the life of me figure out why WWE rejected him for Tough Enough. Aries has great presence, he carries himself like a star, he’s great on the mic and he’s capable of pulling a five star match out of his ass (Aries vs Angle feud = awesomeness).
2) Beer Money are now main eventers. It is high time that some TNA originals were put in the top spot again. They are young and fresh, and it’s great to see the exposure and push they are getting.
3) Jeff Jarrett. Jarrett is an amazing heel; I want to see him on TV more.
4) Abyss. Abyss hasn’t been on TV much of late, this is a good thing.
5) Karen Jarrett. Like Jeff, she is a great heel. I hope that the knockouts storylines move beyond ‘she thinks you are a whore/skank/bitch’, etc.
6) AJ vs Daniels. Daniels is one of the most under-rated guys in TNA. His matches with AJ have been great, even though the I quit match wasn’t.
7) Bully Ray. What a prick, what a horrible example of human... I love it! Bubba knows his character better than anyone on the roster. Obnoxious and cowardly, the perfect combination for a heel.
8) Ric Flair. It’s obvious that Garrett Bischoff is not ready for TV and is only being pushed because he’s Bischoff’s son. When Ric Flair laid into him backstage a few weeks back on Impact it was one of the best promos I’ve seen all year. It reminded me of when Flair laid into Carlito in about 2005. He might be a crazy old man, but he’s the best crazy old man in wrestling.
9) Filming on the road. TNA have been doing more tapings on the road. This is great. New crowds and new venues make it seem fresher and make the stars seem bigger.
10) Raw has been so God-awful of late that TNA is objectively a much stronger product. The roster is stronger and the storylines seem to be building nicely.

I feel quite optimistic about TNA at the moment. Let’s see how it pans out, or whether putting on a good wrestling show is actually a swerve...a